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Unlocked: Family Secrets - Season 1 Episode 5 -
The Father's Secret
The Father's Secret
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08:07I didn't understand, but I knew I wasn't supposed to know
08:11and that no one could know.
08:15I was suddenly now hiding a secret, too.
08:19I wanted to tell, but I can't tell.
08:22My dad, I felt like if I told, I was going to be in trouble.
08:26As my childhood went on, I always felt there was more going on around me
08:38than I was being told.
08:41When I was around age 12,
08:43I realized that my parents were no longer together.
08:47My relationship with my father had changed.
08:49We saw each other less and less as time went on.
08:54It then became hurtful to me.
08:57That I didn't see my dad that often.
09:00As I grew older and I asked questions,
09:04I was told it's complicated.
09:07You wouldn't understand.
09:09Heather realized that her relationship with her dad was different
09:13than, of course, what she would see at my house.
09:15My dad lived there with us.
09:17So I know that she knew that her situation was different
09:20and maybe didn't always feel like it was fair to her.
09:23Then, in 1993, I was in the ninth grade.
09:30My father took me school shopping.
09:32He told me to get a car, and he was very fast moving.
09:35Let's be in and out.
09:39My dad goes to check out, and he's rushing.
09:43Goes in front of this woman.
09:45I'm like, oh, he's really moving fast.
09:47We're out in the parking lot, and this guy is calling him.
09:55Mr. James, Mr. James.
09:58So I'm like, Dad, somebody's calling you.
10:01He's, you know, come on, come on, let's go.
10:03So the guy runs up, and he asks my father, oh, who's this?
10:12And my dad's like, this is Heather.
10:17That's it.
10:19Just Heather.
10:21My heart sank.
10:23In this moment, I was just Heather.
10:29It was so loaded.
10:31It was as if he said, I'm not going to tell anyone who you are.
10:37I didn't understand why no one could know about me.
10:43It all hit me.
10:45The memories of what my mother had told me as a small child came crashing back.
10:53The conversation was 1983, and I was five.
10:58My mother explained, you know, there's just this one little thing.
11:02This one little thing.
11:05Just have to keep it.
11:07You know, you can't tell people who your dad is.
11:12Your father has another family.
11:15My mother explained to me I was a gift from God.
11:19She said, we wanted you.
11:22Okay.
11:23So it was an agreement that took place.
11:27But there's just this dynamic that we can't tell people.
11:33I realize that besides Freshie, his family doesn't know about me.
11:38I don't want to be my father's secret.
11:41After this situation with my father, I was really upset, and I wanted to tell the guy I was dating.
11:49But before I could do that, he was telling me he was breaking up with me.
11:52I was breaking.
11:54I had rejection from my father, and then this boy telling me, I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
12:04So it was double.
12:05There was a change in Heather's behavior.
12:08She began to write me letters.
12:10She was always a little chatterbox, but she wouldn't talk.
12:14And I knew something was wrong.
12:16And I noticed, like, a heaviness for her.
12:19Like, I definitely knew that there was something that felt, like, heavier than you see in the average young person.
12:27There was a lot going on mentally.
12:32And I just, I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore.
12:37I want to go.
12:38I was 15 in the ninth grade, and the pain of being my father's secret had become too much to bear.
12:52I took a bottle of aspirin.
12:54And my mom, she knew something was wrong.
13:00And she came in the room, and she said, Heather, it's going to be okay.
13:06Whatever's going on, let's pray about it.
13:09And I was like, God was going to do something.
13:12He would have did it by now.
13:15She confessed to me, Mommy, I took a large amount of aspirin.
13:22And I think that I might be in danger.
13:28And she just instantly, let's go.
13:31Let's go to the hospital.
13:34In the middle of the night, they took her to emergency room.
13:39I was praying that the Lord wouldn't allow her to die.
13:45I'm looking at my mom and dad, and they both had looks of, this is a reflection on me.
13:58What have I done?
14:00I said, it's because I don't want to be a secret.
14:04I had a relationship with the married man.
14:08I knew that it was a mortal sin, but I really needed him.
14:13My first husband was abusive, and Earl was very supportive.
14:19But after 12 years with Earl, there was a change in me.
14:23I just wanted to end all the lies and deception.
14:27I promised God, I said, if you get me out of this mess, then I will never see him again.
14:39I thought that I really was in control of this whole situation.
14:48It just pierced my heart that my child would want to take her life.
14:59I was a secret child.
15:01It hurt.
15:02It hurt a lot.
15:05I think any child expects, like, loyalty from their mother.
15:10Like, you expect them to prioritize, like, your needs and your feelings.
15:14And I think it was hurtful when she felt like she wasn't getting that support.
15:19I realized that I have failed her.
15:24You can't put it in words, what I felt.
15:29It was all my fault.
15:34When you get involved with the married man, it affects everyone you love.
15:40And I was wrong.
15:44My mom said, Earl, you got to get this together.
15:49You got to make this right.
15:51Earl was a great man in many ways, but he was a coward.
15:57I begged him to please tell his wife about Heather.
16:04I was mad that his wife doesn't know about me.
16:09I wanted to know my family.
16:12I wanted acceptance.
16:14After my suicide attempt, I was hopeful that my dad would introduce me to his family.
16:22He told me I had a sister, but he didn't introduce me and fell back into old patterns of secrecy and rejection.
16:31I found myself desperate again.
16:37Heather would say it wouldn't hurt to meet the other family.
16:40I know it definitely bothered her a lot.
16:44Two years later, I saw there was no progress being made, so I took it upon myself.
16:50Everybody has something in their closet.
16:52One day, I was watching Oprah, and I remember saying, we're going to get this out.
16:57And Oprah's the one that's going to do it.
16:59So I waited to the credits, rolled at the bottom, and I said, okay, Arvo Studios, you know.
17:07And I wrote that letter, and I mailed it.
17:11Then around Christmas in 1995, right after I turned 17, I got a phone call.
17:21It was a producer from The Oprah Winfrey Show.
17:24The producer is saying, well, you think your dad would be willing to come on the show?
17:28I said, oh, absolutely.
17:30I remember sitting at the dinner table, and then my mom listening, and I looked at my sister,
17:36and she kind of looked at me.
17:39And then I remember my mom calling Earl, saying, you know, Heather wrote this show.
17:46And he's like, you called this?
17:48And I was like, Dad, we're going to go on the show.
17:50We're going to Chicago.
17:51Like, pack your bags.
17:53This is happening.
17:54So he said, no, this is not happening.
17:57And I'm like, why not?
17:58Like, why can't we go on Oprah?
18:00He said, we're not putting our business on TV.
18:05And then Heather's like, yeah, I just want to talk to Oprah.
18:08I want Oprah to, you know, tell my dad and tell you.
18:13Let her tell it all.
18:14If y'all can't tell it, then let her tell it.
18:17And I just went upstairs and was like, wow.
18:21And Heather was heartbroken.
18:25She said, he won't tell his wife.
18:27She's got to know.
18:28I said, that's not the way you handle this.
18:33I said to my dad, well, how else am I going to meet my family?
18:37You know, this is me saying, either you make a move, or I'm going to make a move.
18:42So my father tells me, if you want to meet your family, you can meet your sister, and I'll send her to you today.
18:52My state of mind was all over the place.
18:55I was excited.
18:56I was nervous.
18:59I got a box of pictures I had over the years, birthday cards.
19:04I was prepared to defend myself for some reason, just in case she wants to act like I'm not his child.
19:12When I opened the door and I saw her, she looked exactly how she did in that graduation photo in my grandmother's hallway.
19:27Light skin, curly hair, and so I knew it was real.
19:30She's here.
19:32My dad kept his promise.
19:34He really does love me.
19:36We're talking, and I realized she had a lot of things that I did not have growing up.
19:46She had my dad in the house with her.
19:50This is the first time someone else is calling my dad their dad.
19:53And I didn't use daddy that often, but for her, it was coming natural.
19:59Daddy this and daddy that.
20:00And I'm like, I'm my daddy's girl.
20:04But she was, she was my dad's girl, too.
20:09It was so many emotions, and I started to feel defensive.
20:16Then she said she wasn't going to say anything to her mom, but she couldn't keep her relationship with me because it felt like a betrayal to her mother.
20:25And then she left.
20:27It wasn't long at all.
20:29I felt so relieved that someone knows about me.
20:35Now, I'm a little less of a secret, but it was just a Band-Aid.
20:41Now, when are you going to tell your wife?
20:44I also wondered, my father's wife, was she white?
20:48Because how did they make this light-skinned, curly-haired daughter?
20:54I asked my mom, and my mom said, oh, well, she was adopted.
20:59And I was like, what?
21:02The revelation that I was my father's only biological daughter gave me new perspective.
21:15When I found out my father and his wife didn't have a biological child together, I understood that my existence could do damage.
21:25That's traumatic, to know that your husband had a child with someone else.
21:34So now I understand why it'll hurt.
21:42Out of love, I agreed to remain hidden.
21:45But then, at 17, I got unexpected news.
21:50I was pregnant.
21:51I said, I can't have this baby.
21:58It wasn't with a boyfriend.
22:00I wasn't ready to be a mom.
22:04I felt so alone.
22:06I wish I could talk to Freshie, but by then, she was dealing with dementia.
22:11I started to feel like I had no options.
22:14I begged her.
22:16I said, you don't want to have any regrets.
22:19So, she decided to have Devin.
22:25She had a concern.
22:27You know, how is Earl going to be a grandfather to Devin?
22:32He came to the hospital with enough diapers for, like, six months to a year.
22:40He saw my son, and he was like, he's got my hands.
22:44He's got them fighter hands.
22:46I saw the pride.
22:48You know, this was his grandson.
22:50The sense of peace I settled into with my son and his grandfather didn't last.
23:03In December of 1997, I was at college.
23:08And my mom asked me to come home.
23:13My dad was here, and my dad told me that Freshie had passed.
23:21I cried and cried and cried.
23:24I was just devastated.
23:25And then I get a call from my dad that there's just going to be a viewing, no funeral.
23:36I'm like, I'll be there.
23:38The viewing was on Friday, and I couldn't leave school in time.
23:53And by the time I get there, it's closed.
23:58And I'm like, I missed it.
24:00I missed saying goodbye.
24:02But I hadn't missed anything.
24:06A worker at the funeral home opened the door and explained that the funeral was scheduled for Monday.
24:13So I'm like, what?
24:16You planned a funeral without me for my grandmother.
24:22I was devastated.
24:25I was in disbelief.
24:27Thought we made a little progress.
24:29So here we go back to these secrets.
24:32Oh, I'm about to show up.
24:39This is my moment.
24:40I'm really going to show up.
24:45On Monday, December 8th, 1997, I attended my beloved grandmother's funeral.
24:55Uninvited, but undeterred.
24:58That my father and his family would finally see me.
25:02No more secrets.
25:09Walking through those doors.
25:12I had my shades on.
25:14I had my scarf wrapped around my neck.
25:16You know, I was ready to make a scene.
25:20But I get inside.
25:22And I'm humbled instantly.
25:24There's a lot of people inside this parlor.
25:30My father saw me in the back.
25:33And so my father comes to the back.
25:37He was a loss for words.
25:39Like, I can't believe you're here.
25:43But you're here.
25:44So we're going to deal with this.
25:46And he said, come on.
25:47Come sit up front.
25:48It was like, this is happening.
25:52This is real.
25:54Here's my moment to finally meet his wife.
25:59Here's my acknowledgement.
26:01Here's my acceptance.
26:02My father's wife asked, who's that?
26:10And he said, that's Heather.
26:13And that was it.
26:19Still no acknowledgement.
26:21It was rejection.
26:22Again.
26:25My father didn't introduce me to anyone at the funeral
26:28or explain who I was.
26:31His wife had no idea I was his daughter.
26:34But I was grieving too much to make a scene.
26:38I wondered if she would ever know who I was.
26:42I saw their daughter again, but she did not acknowledge me.
26:46My grandmother's casket was open.
26:54And I got up.
26:56I took my scarf off.
26:58I stood at her casket.
26:59And I just talked to her for a moment.
27:02Put my scarf on her.
27:04I kissed her.
27:06Told her I love her.
27:08And I knew in that moment, nothing else mattered.
27:12that with her death, a part of me was leaving.
27:19She was gone.
27:22And I walked out.
27:26She saw herself having to still be the secret,
27:30even as she's mourning the loss of somebody
27:32that was so important in her life.
27:34I think that was a pivotal moment where the gravity
27:36and her frustration with her situation started to increase.
27:39I spent so long imagining this reunion
27:43with my dad's other family.
27:46Once I realized I wasn't going to get it,
27:49I was crushed and wanted to forget all of them,
27:52including my own parents.
27:56So I took my son to college with me.
27:58And I shut it out.
27:59You know, I wasn't talking to my mom.
28:01And I wasn't talking to my sister.
28:03And I wasn't talking to my dad.
28:05That drove her dad mad.
28:09He would call and say,
28:11tell your daughter to answer the phone.
28:14But of course, you know,
28:15I didn't get involved
28:17because that was between the two of them.
28:20And she wasn't talking to me anyway.
28:25I was a single mother at college.
28:27It was a lot.
28:28I was spiraling.
28:30There was a part of me that was like,
28:31I'm going to show you another side of me.
28:36And I'm going to take it to the streets.
28:42In 1998, I dropped out of college.
28:45And me and Devin moved in
28:47with my boyfriend at the time,
28:50Ron, and his mom in Philadelphia.
28:53I wasn't getting child support
28:55from my son's father.
28:58I needed diapers.
29:00I needed milk.
29:01Then that summer,
29:03I had a friend introduce me
29:05to exotic dancing.
29:08She's like, you can make some money.
29:11So I started dancing.
29:17Working in the strip club,
29:18clearly Heather was affected
29:20by everything that she was having to carry.
29:23Like, just being a secret,
29:24having to carry the secret,
29:25not being able to, like,
29:27have access to her father
29:28in the way that most people do.
29:31I think she wanted to feel loved
29:32and accepted.
29:36It felt good to be doing things
29:38I wasn't supposed to be doing.
29:40But I also never wanted my parents
29:42to find out.
29:44Secrets led to more secrets.
29:46And I was hiding my pain
29:49and more and more bad choices.
29:52We need a house.
29:53We need cars.
29:54And we're not making enough.
29:56So we have to do something
29:57to make enough.
30:00Then the next thing I knew,
30:02my boyfriend and I,
30:03we got caught up in it.
30:06We were selling drugs together.
30:09And then the scene
30:10just got really bad.
30:12I was the ride-along
30:14and my boyfriend jumps in the car
30:17and he's like, go.
30:20And I'm driving.
30:22He's like, press on the gas,
30:23press on the gas.
30:25In my rear view,
30:27there's a guy with an Uzi.
30:30And I'm like, shaking like crazy.
30:33I'm thinking, if I get killed,
30:35then what happens to my son?
30:37I was spiraling
30:42into a deep, dark place.
30:46And somehow my parents found out.
30:49I'm at my boyfriend's house
30:50and I hear like this,
30:51boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
30:53It was like hard knock at the door.
30:57It's my dad.
30:59And my dad's like,
31:01you're going home now.
31:03And I'm like, I'm not ready
31:05because I'm still hurt.
31:08You still got conversations to have.
31:11He grabbed her hands
31:13and thought, come on out now.
31:15And I mean, come out.
31:19As much as I didn't want to leave,
31:22it felt good to be rescued.
31:25Because in that moment
31:26that he came to get me,
31:28I felt validated.
31:30So I'm like, let's go.
31:31Her dad put her in the car
31:34and took her home.
31:36He said to her,
31:38if you get a steady job,
31:41I'll buy all your clothes,
31:43help you get a car.
31:48And I started becoming
31:50the woman I felt like I wanted to be.
31:54The first step,
31:56I started a career in hospitality.
31:58In the meantime,
32:01I met a man
32:02and we set to marry
32:03in October 2006.
32:07I was getting excited.
32:10Working in the hotel industry,
32:11you see tons of weddings.
32:13So I just imagined
32:14like what it was going to be like.
32:17And I said to my dad,
32:19are you going to walk me down the aisle?
32:21It was just that fear,
32:22that fear of rejection.
32:24But he said,
32:25Heather, I'm going to be there.
32:27So I said, okay, dad.
32:28and he was there.
32:31He showed up
32:33and he walked me down the aisle
32:36and was very shocked
32:38that Earl was there.
32:40Very shocked.
32:41But it gave me comfort
32:43and understanding
32:44that this was going to be
32:45a great wedding.
32:47We had our first dance,
32:49but he rushed through the dance.
32:51He said, how long is this on?
32:52And he cut out shortly after.
32:58It was bittersweet.
33:00My dad showed up,
33:01but even then,
33:03at 27,
33:04I was still his secret.
33:06And I remained that way
33:08for four more years.
33:10I'm 32 years old.
33:16I'm working at a hotel
33:18in Maryland.
33:21And my phone kept ringing
33:23with this weird number.
33:24and I didn't answer it
33:28because I'm at work.
33:29Then my father calls
33:31and he says,
33:33if an unknown number
33:34calls you,
33:36don't answer it.
33:37So I'm like,
33:40a number has been calling me
33:42like all morning.
33:44Then he said,
33:45she knows.
33:53Earl was panicking.
33:54He said,
33:55Verda found out about Heather
33:57and I want you to tell her
33:59that it was a one night stand.
34:02I know that's not true,
34:03but just tell her that.
34:05And I said,
34:05I certainly am not.
34:06And he says,
34:07she knows,
34:09but now I have to
34:10separate from you.
34:14I've thought of this moment
34:15my whole life
34:17and what it would be like.
34:19And I've never expected that.
34:21I was expecting,
34:22she's left me.
34:23You know,
34:24I'm headed for divorce.
34:25I was expecting that
34:27all these years.
34:29Never,
34:30I'm going to have to
34:31separate from you.
34:33And I'm like,
34:35you've got to be kidding me.
34:36you chose her over me.
34:42I felt like I was going
34:43to lose my mind.
34:46After the constant trauma
34:49that came from this,
34:50that rejection,
34:51I reached a point
34:52that I was done done
34:55with my dad.
34:56my father and I had very little
35:02contact for two years.
35:05But then he reached out
35:07to tell me his health
35:08had taken a turn
35:08for the worse.
35:09When my father got sick,
35:13I said to him,
35:14if we're going to continue
35:15our relationship,
35:16it's going to be on my terms.
35:18I'm not keeping
35:19any more secrets.
35:20And he said, okay.
35:23I felt like this time
35:25he knew
35:25that I wasn't playing anymore.
35:27because now I'm grown.
35:30Now,
35:31I'm not holding on to this.
35:32I have children
35:33that are relying
35:34on my emotional
35:35well-being.
35:37and then
35:41in 2016,
35:43my dad
35:44went into
35:45the nursing home.
35:46He was having
35:47a hard time
35:48walking
35:48where his legs
35:49would just give out
35:50so he would fall.
35:54He apologized
35:55for the way
35:56things had gone
35:57over the years.
35:59He was happy
36:00to see me.
36:02He looked fine,
36:03so I'm like,
36:04we'll come back again.
36:07Two weeks later,
36:08my father passed.
36:13She fell on the floor
36:15and she said,
36:17my heart is broken
36:18into a million pieces.
36:20I can't bear this.
36:23When my dad passed away,
36:25I was just devastated.
36:27I asked my father
36:28so many times,
36:29am I going to be able
36:30to come to your funeral?
36:32Then,
36:33my father's first cousin
36:34reached out to me
36:35and she said,
36:37you don't have to worry.
36:38You're going to be
36:39at that funeral.
36:42I walked in the church.
36:45My father's wife
36:46taps me on the shoulder.
36:48You know,
36:48she's like,
36:48oh, you,
36:49are you Heather?
36:49And I'm like,
36:50I'm Heather.
36:51You know who I am.
36:54She says,
36:55he never mentioned you
36:57to me.
36:59If, if,
37:00if he loved you,
37:01he,
37:01he would have mentioned
37:02you to me.
37:03and I said,
37:04I know my father loved me.
37:08He was there for me
37:10since I was a baby.
37:13I know him
37:14and I know him very well.
37:17Did it offend me?
37:19Absolutely.
37:19But I was no longer
37:22this child
37:23that wasn't going
37:24to say anything.
37:25You have pain,
37:26I have pain.
37:27This man that we both love,
37:29he calls us both pain.
37:31So,
37:31I'm being sympathetic
37:33to you
37:34because you've lost
37:35a husband.
37:36You can't extend empathy
37:38because I've lost
37:39a father.
37:41And I could tell
37:42it bothered her.
37:43I never saw
37:45my father's wife
37:47or my half-sister
37:48again.
38:00After the funeral,
38:01I learned that
38:02while my father
38:03was in high school,
38:04before he ever married,
38:06he had a son
38:06named Doug.
38:07Doug had a son
38:13named Calvin
38:14who is my age.
38:18We never met
38:19until now.
38:20Hey!
38:24Hi, Calvin.
38:27I was shocked
38:28I had an aunt
38:29I did not know about
38:30for 30 years.
38:31So,
38:31it was very cool
38:32when we finally connected.
38:33Today was a really
38:34special day.
38:35But also sad
38:36that there was a secret
38:36for that long.
38:37It's almost as if
38:38we're cousins, right?
38:40Because we're the same age.
38:42I think it's really
38:42unfortunate because
38:43Heather was really
38:44isolated more than
38:45anyone else in our family.
38:46Meeting your dad
38:47in person
38:47for the first time.
38:49My brother.
38:50That was big.
38:52And now meeting you,
38:54this is huge.
38:56My father knew
38:57Earl had other kids.
38:59He just didn't know
39:00who all of them were.
39:01So,
39:02Heather is the secret
39:03that we know about.
39:05There might be others.
39:06and my money
39:07would be on others.
39:08She had a brother.
39:09She had nephews
39:10and nieces
39:10and none of us
39:12knew that she existed.
39:15Hey!
39:17So good to see you.
39:19What's going on?
39:21I'm sad that I missed out
39:22on so many years
39:23with my family.
39:24Hey, mamas!
39:27But I'm happy
39:28that we now have
39:30this opportunity
39:30to get to be
39:31with each other.
39:32This is my nephew,
39:34Calvin.
39:35Hi, Calvin.
39:37Although my father's
39:38wife and daughter
39:38never chose
39:39to become a part
39:40of my life,
39:41his son and grandson
39:42and so many others did.
39:45Mommy's here!
39:46And I cherish that.
39:49I'm excited for my sister.
39:52Because, uh,
39:53it's definitely a healing.
39:55That's her focus.
39:56Healing, healing, healing.
39:57So, it's still a journey.
40:00But I tell her all the time
40:03I'm proud of her.
40:04You make me feel like
40:05you're the big sister
40:06and I'm the little sister.
40:08I hope my story
40:10helped people
40:12that have been born
40:14in adultery.
40:15There's still families
40:17out there
40:17that have this dynamic
40:20and there's still a child
40:22that is a secret.
40:27Got some bubbly for us.
40:36It's our first drink together.
40:38I know.
40:39Ever.
40:40I was starting.
40:42The secret pushed us away.
40:45But now that everything's
40:46out in the open,
40:48we can be closer
40:49than ever before.
40:50My memories of my childhood
40:57are very spotty
40:58about this thing happening.
41:00My grandmother
41:00and my grandfather
41:01would tell me
41:02that the reason
41:02my skin was darker
41:03was that I tanned
41:04very easily,
41:05but I knew it had
41:07something to do
41:07with blackness.
41:09You put this hatred
41:11in his blood.
41:13I had no idea
41:14that anybody
41:14would be that evil.
41:16As a father,
41:17I felt that I failed him.
41:18I knew I would have
41:19to deal with this trauma
41:20that defines every aspect
41:21of my life.
41:22I had to confront it.
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