00:00No, you do not need to be fully healed before you get into a relationship, but
00:03you do need to be healing. There's a big difference because trust me when I say
00:07you can't take all your unprocessed trauma and all your destructive coping mechanisms formed in the
00:12past and bring them right into your present relationship and think everything is going to
00:17be fine. It won't. So here are three signs that you're doing the work of healing. Number one,
00:22you are self-reflecting. You are intentionally stepping back and looking at your own steps
00:27in the conflict dance. When they said this, I responded with this. Why? Did I feel unfairly
00:33blamed? Did I feel like I needed to defend myself? Or did I just feel like I needed to yell to be heard?
00:38What's my go-to? Suppressing my feelings, building a presentment, and then exploding with some sort of
00:42passive aggressiveness or criticism? Or do I distance myself when I sense that something's
00:48off? Do I go silent when they bring up a complaint? What's my default? Number two, you're taking
00:52accountability. I am no longer blaming someone else for my own reactions. Healing people aren't
00:58perfect, but they are willing to say, I'm sorry. I care about how my words and actions affected you.
01:04Can we talk about this? The only person that we can control is us, right? It's our job to choose to
01:08be vulnerable and kind and respectful about what we need to feel respected and close and connected to
01:13another person. Absolutely, that's a risk. But so is hiding who we are and what we need and feel.
01:20Number three, you are practicing self-compassion, acceptance, and forgiving yourself. Give yourself
01:25the same grace and kindness that you give to others.
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