- 7 tuần trước
The Last Leg - Season 33 Episode 1 -
Frank Skinner, Stevie Martin
Frank Skinner, Stevie Martin
Danh mục
😹
Vui nhộnPhụ đề
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01:56Cảm ơn các bạn đã theo dõi và hãy đăng ký kênh để theo dõi.
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05:45I did, I had a massive achievement this summer
05:48I painted a lot of roundabouts
05:53You'd have been so proud how neat I was
05:57So yes, so I now have a title of my own as officially
06:02The person with the smallest hands in my house
06:06Because the other day my seven...
06:08Your hamster died?
06:09No
06:11My seven year old daughter
06:13For some reason she just went, Daddy put your hand up next to mine
06:16And I noticed at that moment
06:18Oh no
06:19That yes, I now have the hands of a seven year old girl
06:23Look at that, she's got bigger, bigger, bigger hands than me
06:26Which do you know what, isn't all bad news really?
06:30Because I tell you what, she's got some mittens I've had my eye on for fucking ages
06:35You're gonna see me at the arsehole soon with a pair of K-pop demon hunter mittens
06:39She's getting too big for them
06:43So yeah, but um, so yeah, I've got...
06:46Bloody hell, that's really...
06:47That's disgusting
06:50Genuinely, that's really hard, I'm making it
06:53But yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't kind of all good news for me
06:57Over the summer because
06:59I've realised that I'm starting to go grey
07:02My beard's going grey
07:04My beard's going grey
07:05Now I always thought this is a trade-off, this whole hands and foot thing
07:08I thought that they'd go, do you know what, obviously some bitch you don't have
07:11But you'll always, in my head I was like, but I just will never go, things like going grey
07:15Even though obviously I realised that with you, that clearly has happened
07:18But I never like, I never know, I've noticed it, like with you, like I always just imagined you being like old
07:25But now like I'm, it's like in my beard and it's like obviously now I can't, I can't dye the beard because I'm colour blind
07:32I'm not rolling that dice
07:33So, I, I, I know, don't panic
07:38But look, I mean, I mean, did you, did you get grey hairs on the fake leg as well?
07:44Look, I'm here to let you know, it's fine, you know, if you become a silver fox, I think you're going to look great
07:49We've made up a mock-up of what Alex will look like in 20 years time
07:55I really kind of am, I really am on my way to like, my ideal job of being like a shopping centre Santa
08:03You look like the head of an ad company who's about to lose his job to AI
08:09Um, by the way, this is what Josh will look like in 20 years time
08:24No, I'm kidding, this is, this is what Josh will look like in 20 years time
08:29Jesus Christ, you look like Harold Shipman
08:33This is like the pensioners shitting themselves
08:39My God!
08:40Alright, we are live on your television
08:42Would you like to see God a lot earlier than you thought?
08:46We are live on your television
08:47Would you like to see me in your will?
08:49Which means you can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
08:53Message us on Instagram, the hashtag is it okay?
08:55Um, use WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908
09:00Or you can scan the QR code on the screen
09:02For example, uh, is it okay that after six months off air
09:05We're back refreshed with a whole bunch of new insights into the news?
09:08Yes!
09:09Is it okay that none of it will be as funny as this incredible moment from the traitors during the week?
09:13Welcome to the worst team building away day experience in history
09:19What just happened?
09:20I just farted, Claudia
09:21I'm so sorry
09:22I'm so sorry
09:23It's nerves
09:24But I always own up
09:25I know
09:26I always own up, too
09:27I know
09:28I always own up, too
09:29I know
09:30I always own up, too
09:31I know
09:32I always own up, too
09:33I know
09:34I know
09:35I always own up, too
09:36I know
09:38I always own up, too
09:39You can't even trust your bowels on that show, can't it?
09:42One thing we know about the British public
09:43You love an old family
09:47What is it?
09:48Oh, you know
09:52I know
09:53What is it?
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11:51I think you've got to judge and give him some credit
11:54there's obviously a scale isn't there so there's the top level of credit
11:57which would be like you know Diego Maradona winning the 1986 World Cup single-handedly
12:04yeah that'd be like 10 and then zero which is what you brought to the Paris Stanley Tennis
12:11and I think he's somewhere in between that
12:13I kinda go fair play
12:16fair play to him but he just feels like so out of character
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13:00Cảm ơn các bạn đã theo dõi và đập này vào một bộ của bộ đối với dân mạch Việt.
13:13I know a lot of the world is branded these days
13:16But I don't feel like branding is something that should
13:19Come into like peace agreements
13:22You know like if it was like the Select Carlees and Good Friday agreement
13:26Or the Geneva Convention in association with Domino
13:29It's not about the same
13:35So I guess I guess the big question is how much of this was Donald Trump trying to get the Nobel Peace Prize and does it matter?
13:47Well in a way it doesn't matter because him just wanting to win a prize is probably
13:52The most innocent motive he's ever had in anything
13:55Yeah, and also maybe it means we could just encourage him to do other stuff with prize
14:00If he's that simple in to please you just go
14:03Have you heard about the prize for the man who stops global warming?
14:06Yeah, yeah
14:07Have you heard about them but prize for the man who does Home Alone 3 just stuff like that?
14:12Oh, yes, please
14:14Oh, but the thing is I think it's such a motivation generally for him
14:18He desperately wants the Nobel Peace Prize and I don't feel like it's like you know when your kids want like time on the iPad
14:23Yeah, no Melania's been going around the house. It's going to tell you what Donald if you tidy your room
14:27You get a couple of hours on a Nobel Peace Prize
14:29Israel's leader Benjamin Netanyahu tweeted this pandering photo of Trump with an AI-generated Nobel Peace Prize
14:37He looks like he's got a token for a trolley
14:40He looks like a grandfather clock
14:45Well, two seconds after that another assassination attempt failed because it hit him on that thing
14:51He looks a bit like Flavor Flav
14:53Between them the two of them are public enemy
14:56It's worth pointing out both though that while Trump is angling for the Nobel Peace Prize back home
15:01Another one of his critics has just been indicted and may now face court
15:05That's the third Trump critic to be indicted in the past few weeks, which is why I'm gonna say it right now
15:10I think Donald Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize
15:13And I'm not just saying that because I want to be let into the United States in 2028 for the Paralympics in Los Angeles
15:19I've always said it. How many times do I say what you always talk about tennis Donald Trump Peace Prize?
15:25Yeah, look here's evidence. I've actually said it on the show
15:30Can I just say that Donald Trump is so great surely he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize
15:34So many times
15:44See you in 2028 America
15:47By the way, if you're wondering how much input Keir Starmer had this week into what that whole deal this cringeworthy clip sums up how important he was to the process
15:55Where's United Kingdom? Where's my friend?
16:04Very nice of you, yeah, these people all came on like
16:0720 20 minute notice
16:14You know he says that where's United Kingdom? Where's our friend? He's forgotten his name
16:21You know when you forgot so areas is key our case your buddy is all specs
16:27This guy! This guy!
16:29There he is, my man!
16:31So weird that Trump calls him up then won't let him near the microphone
16:34Keir Starmer is like the posh spice of world leaders
16:37The irony is Tony Blair seems to have done most of the work on the deal and considering his record in the Middle East that would make him scary spice
16:44Graham messaged us on Instagram to say is it okay Donald Trump seems more concerned with how he looks on the cover of Time magazine
16:49Than with what's happening in Gaza. Yeah, so Donald Trump made the cover of Time magazine this week. He was less impressed
16:56Less than impressed with this grandiose shot. He didn't like that at all
17:01It looks like he's mistakenly taken a selfie on the way to work
17:08He's got 15 of those photos
17:12He went on truth social and he wrote Time magazine wrote a relatively good story about me, but the picture may be the worst of all time
17:19They disappeared my hair
17:21And then had something floating on top of my head that looked like a floating crown, but an extremely small one really weird
17:28I mean Time is definitely disappearing his hair, but not the magazine
17:33It's kind of amazing that someone's skin can be so thin while wearing so many layers of makeup
17:37All right, it does kind of look like an orangutan squatting over a mirror
17:45Do you not like a fan? I know like I don't want this to be like well defending him but that photo
17:52Like if that was someone took that view you ain't sticking out on your Instagram mate that I'm making the gram
17:56Absolutely. No. What abases me is that he mentioned like the hair and the crown and everything
18:00He doesn't mention his neck how bad his neck looks and for me. That's the worst part
18:05I think he didn't want to admit. He's got a neck gina
18:07Right
18:19His tie is literally grabbing him by the pussy
18:24So it's interesting you I see I see bollocks. I see nexticles
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20:23Vì vậy, he could say anything.
20:25And when he tried to get Netanyahu a pardon and stuff, it was brilliant.
20:29But I agree with you.
20:30When bad guys start doing good things, you don't know how to respond.
20:34Yeah.
20:34Like when the Tories start, woman leader, woman leader, brown man, black woman.
20:39You think, well, you're the bad guys.
20:42What are you doing?
20:44Meet Sir Keir Starmer.
20:46So, he has got peace, it seems.
20:50Yeah.
20:51Who knew?
20:51And I really felt sorry for him on Time Magazine because I got filmed recently and it was quite windy.
21:03And when I watched it back, I could see my throat was moving.
21:08It's like a chicken's waffle.
21:09Yeah, just moving.
21:11No, you don't want that.
21:12Listen, I want to throw some more political news at you this week.
21:15Former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been caught in steamy photos
21:20with pop star Katy Perry.
21:22Yeah.
21:23Ah, that's, I mean, that's what you, known as a used-to-be in power couple.
21:28How do I, I mean, she, sorry.
21:31No, go on, I was just saying, the other famous one is her with Orlando Bloom and he's got his knob out, isn't it?
21:36But at least it's not that.
21:38On the paddle board, yeah.
21:39Yeah.
21:39I always think, he's behind the standing up, I always think she didn't know.
21:45And he's, his penis is sort of here.
21:47Yeah, it's like this.
21:48So he's sort of going, what is that?
21:49LAUGHTER
21:51Hang on, where's the blobby finger?
21:54We'll recreate it.
21:54Oh, sorry.
21:55Yeah, sure.
21:56Oh, there you go.
21:57There we go.
21:58There we go.
21:59Oh, yeah.
22:00APPLAUSE
22:02Right.
22:03APPLAUSE
22:05Um, it, it was, it, it wasn't in full bloom, so to speak.
22:10LAUGHTER
22:11He was fascinating.
22:12Is it true you met Justin Trudeau?
22:14Yeah, I was at the Montreal Comedy Festival.
22:16You know, when you do comedy abroad, you try and find someone who lives there.
22:21Yeah.
22:22Who you can sit with and go through your material to see if all the references are there.
22:27And I said to these guys, I need to talk to a Canadian.
22:30And they said, well, there's the Canadian you should talk to.
22:32I didn't know who he was.
22:34And I said, can I, can I ask you some questions about references for Canada?
22:38And he went, um, yeah.
22:40Yeah.
22:41So I sat down, and this is my act.
22:43You know what my act is like?
22:44It's borderline disgusting.
22:46LAUGHTER
22:47And I was saying, do they say tea-bagging?
22:50LAUGHTER
22:53And he said, er, that sounds very English.
22:56LAUGHTER
22:57Which it does when you stand back from it.
23:00But I had, I had no idea, er, that he was the son of the president.
23:04When he became president, I didn't recognise him,
23:07Cos when I met him in Montreal, he was in blackface.
23:10LAUGHTER
23:12But, yeah, so I was asking Justin Trudeau to explain Canadian references.
23:19Did he have his knob out?
23:21LAUGHTER
23:22Not, not immediately.
23:24Sure.
23:25As we got closer.
23:26Meanwhile, er, a book this week alleges Margaret Thatcher
23:30had at least two affairs while she was in office.
23:33That's right, turns out the lady was for turning.
23:35LAUGHTER
23:37How do we feel about Margaret Thatcher having an affair?
23:39Whilst in office?
23:40Does anyone care?
23:41Oh, well...
23:42Good honour?
23:43Yeah.
23:44I interviewed Carol Thatcher once, her daughter,
23:47and she said, when I was growing up, the motto in our house was
23:51just get on with it, and I thought,
23:54that's what you want to hear in the bedroom.
23:56LAUGHTER
23:58My kind of woman.
23:59I can imagine...
24:01I mean, I've always really fancied the tiger in Kung Fu Panda.
24:05LAUGHTER
24:07And she's got that intimidating, slightly scary thing.
24:16LAUGHTER
24:17Um, Stevie...
24:18I thought...
24:19I did think lots of people would go, yeah...
24:21LAUGHTER
24:22No.
24:23Nothing.
24:24No.
24:25I'm in the panda, clearly.
24:27Yeah.
24:28Stevie...
24:29LAUGHTER
24:31Stevie, what did you make, like, of Trump's time cover?
24:34Oh, yes.
24:35Is there an awkward photo of you?
24:36You wouldn't want to see in public?
24:37Oh, I don't know, Alec.
24:38I'm not successful enough to have that many photos,
24:41but when you Google me, the photo isn't me,
24:46it's a lovely woman.
24:49Oh, yeah, we've got a copy of...
24:50Have you got...
24:51There we go.
24:52Oh, yeah, that's me!
24:53Yeah.
24:54Her name's Stevie Simonette Martin.
24:55She's from Atlanta, and...
24:57Who is she?
24:58Yeah, she's a make-up artist.
25:00I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to go to America
25:03at some point and get a selfie with her
25:06and put it as my Wikipedia page
25:08and then the internet will just explode.
25:10And so then...
25:11So, ideally, your worst time cover would be this?
25:14I guess so.
25:15LAUGHTER
25:16Which...
25:17Which feels...
25:18I mean, she looks amazing.
25:19She does?
25:20I could never wear that.
25:21I'm good for her.
25:22And, Frank, look, just, you know,
25:23so you're not left out, we've done a bit of research
25:24to find out what might be the worst photo to put of you.
25:27So many times.
25:28My wife recently described our 13-year-old son
25:32as a good-looking version of me.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:37Well, this is your time cover.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:42Oh, yeah.
25:43Yeah.
25:44Uh, all right, well, listen,
25:45we'll have more last link for you after the break.
25:47We're going to cover immigration issues with this guy...
25:49BUH!
25:51BUH!
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54We'll see in a little bit.
25:56APPLAUSE
26:12Welcome back to The Last Leg.
26:14We're joined by Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
26:16Time for a headline now.
26:17I never thought I'd be saying on television.
26:19Paddington Bear is suing Spitting Image.
26:22Actually, the makers of Paddington
26:23are suing the makers of Spitting Image
26:24for creating a coke-snorting,
26:26foul-mouthed version of Paddington
26:28that looks like this.
26:30LAUGHTER
26:32Sorry, sorry, my mistake.
26:33That's an incredibly stylish shot of Liam Gallagher.
26:35This is the version of Paddington.
26:36LAUGHTER
26:41That's good.
26:42Now, Frank, you wrote an article about this
26:43during the week.
26:44You had a problem with it, right?
26:45Yeah, I think that Paddington is a very positive image
26:51of a migrant.
26:52Mm-hm.
26:53He's genuinely caring.
26:54And he arrives with just the only paperwork.
26:58He comes into the country, says,
27:00please look after this bear.
27:01You know, it's so beautiful,
27:03the trust in the British public and the compassion.
27:07And I think this sort of plays into a sort of more reform.
27:12Oh, they're all on drugs and they're selling...
27:15Mm-hm.
27:16..they're selling guns and stuff like that.
27:18Also, I used to...
27:20If I sort of thought I was getting slightly involved with a woman,
27:24I used to have a question that I used as a sort of test
27:28and I would very casually say,
27:30would you be OK knocking a nail into a teddy bear's face?
27:34LAUGHTER
27:36And if they said, yeah,
27:39I knew that, um, that love would never...
27:42LAUGHTER
27:45And you could have sex after that?
27:47I couldn't have sex after that, no.
27:49It was too much like knocking a nail into a...
27:52LAUGHTER
27:54No, but I genuinely asked it,
27:56cos I think that... I do think...
27:58Did you have the nail and the teddy bear?
28:01LAUGHTER
28:02I just honestly think that if Nigel Farage
28:04had walked along that platform,
28:06he would have reported Paddington to the authorities.
28:09Agreed, yeah.
28:10And you get the Brown family, you get the Farage dad,
28:14and he's won over by the compassionate
28:16and caring women and children around him.
28:19Yeah.
28:20So, um, I think you should leave Paddington alone.
28:22Stevie?
28:23Yeah.
28:24APPLAUSE
28:25I agree, but I do think, like, you, you know,
28:30it is also mad to sue someone for a joke,
28:36so I wanted to challenge and say,
28:40maybe Disney could sue me for doing this.
28:44LAUGHTER
28:46I'm Winnie the Pooh, and I'm a bee-hating piece of shit.
28:50LAUGHTER
28:52LAUGHTER
28:55Hang on.
28:56Yeah.
28:57LAUGHTER
28:58Thank you.
28:59Thank you.
29:01Balls in your court, Disney.
29:03LAUGHTER
29:04I'm genuinely... I'm genuinely concerned about this,
29:07cos I was about to launch a new animated series
29:10called Bonnie Bluey.
29:11LAUGHTER
29:13LAUGHTER
29:14Oh, God.
29:15Oh, God.
29:16Oh, God.
29:17What is that theme song?
29:18That...
29:19Mum!
29:20Dad!
29:21Dad!
29:22Dad!
29:23Dad!
29:24Guy in a mask!
29:25LAUGHTER
29:26LAUGHTER
29:27We really need to move on.
29:29Um...
29:30That does lead into something
29:31that we were going to talk about, Frank,
29:32because a lot of things have happened since we were on air.
29:34Uh, one noticeable change has been the rise
29:37in emotional language around immigration.
29:39And, look, I know it's Friday night, I know it's late,
29:42but I want to show you a few graphs.
29:44That's right, things are about to get graphic.
29:46OK.
29:47These are from the Migration...
29:48Oh, he's got a pointer!
29:49I have got a pointer as well.
29:50Can I borrow it up?
29:52LAUGHTER
29:53These are from the Migration Observatory
29:54at the University of Oxford,
29:55and this is the first one.
29:57Now, before I explain it,
29:58I need to point out
29:59that the UK has what's known as a service economy,
30:02which relies on a certain amount of immigration
30:04to cover the jobs that need doing.
30:06So this is the graph of immigration to the UK
30:10from 1991 to 2024.
30:12Now, as you can see,
30:13immigration dropped really sharply in 2020.
30:16Now, if you remember what happened that year,
30:18it corresponded to a sharp rise in people watching
30:20Tiger King and making banana bread.
30:22LAUGHTER
30:24The government then chose to increase
30:26the amount of people coming into the country,
30:28mainly international students.
30:30Those levels peaked in 2023,
30:32then fell by the greatest amount ever.
30:35But what about asylum seekers, you might ask?
30:38Well, have a look at this graph.
30:40This is non-EU immigration to the UK
30:42from 2019 to 2024.
30:44As you can see,
30:45people here mainly came for work and for study.
30:48Meanwhile, migration from EU countries since Brexit
30:51is pretty much negative.
30:53Now, asylum grants down here have gone up a little bit,
30:56but really not that much.
30:57Humanitarian arrivals, yes, they went up in 2022,
31:00but that corresponded to a very sharp decline
31:03in Airbnb bookings in Kiev around the same time.
31:06LAUGHTER
31:09So, how does this compare to every other country in the world?
31:12Well, this is the percentage of the population
31:15born in another country.
31:17And the UK?
31:18Pretty much right bang in the middle.
31:20It's there with the United States, France and Spain.
31:23So, why does it feel like immigration is such a problem here?
31:26Well, look at this graph of countries where Nigel Farage lives.
31:29LAUGHTER
31:32And it all makes sense, or at least it starts to.
31:35So, now you can see why people are concerned by immigration,
31:38especially when our politicians won't stop banging on about it.
31:41But when reform leader Nigel Farage says immigration is out of control,
31:46that is...
31:47BULLSHIT!
31:48When Conservative leader Kemi Badernok blames Labor
31:50for immigration levels, that's...
31:52BULLSHIT!
31:53Because the peak actually happened under the Tories.
31:55And when the Prime Minister said,
31:56we're in danger of becoming an island of strangers,
31:59even he had to apologise and call out his own...
32:02BULLSHIT!
32:03The truth is, Britain is built on immigration.
32:06They deliver your food, they pour your beers,
32:08they prop up your NHS,
32:10and they host your TV shows.
32:12LAUGHTER
32:24So, the next time you hear a politician say immigration is the problem,
32:27just remember, that is...
32:29A turd the size of Disneyland Paris!
32:32LAUGHTER
32:38Now, while we're talking immigration,
32:40there was an issue at the Australian border this week,
32:42when Big John Fisher was turned away for not having the right visa.
32:46Who is Big John Fisher, you might be asking?
32:48Alex?
32:49Well, Adam, er...
32:50To me, Big John Fisher, he's a hero.
32:52Yep.
32:53He's a hero, he's a social media personality,
32:56he loves his Chinese food,
32:58and he says the word bosh.
33:00Er, a lot.
33:01If anything, he, for me,
33:03is very much the British Kim Kardashian.
33:05Um, here's Big John in action.
33:08BASH!
33:10Saturday night, as Sean Bean would say,
33:13I'm having a bastard Chinese.
33:15BASH!
33:16It's lovely Chinese from the Blue Orchid!
33:18Oh, look at that.
33:20Roast buck, Chinese style.
33:22Got all the flavours in there.
33:24Salt and chilli chicken can fuck off.
33:27BASH!
33:29What was it that he didn't like?
33:32I don't know, I don't know!
33:34Look, it's not often I feel like I've missed out on a lot in life
33:39with having small hands, but doing a proper bosh, genuinely,
33:42it is one of them.
33:44But, so, John went to Australia.
33:46He was turned away by your border force.
33:48Normally, I love that programme, but he was turned away.
33:50Um, and he had to fly all the way back.
33:52And, you know, John's a great guy,
33:54he's done a lot of stuff for the community.
33:56You know, he helped a Chinese restaurant in York
33:59that was vandalised during all the summer protests.
34:01He's a top bloke.
34:02And I wanted John to know
34:04that even though there might not be a place for him in Australia,
34:07and, you know, I've had my time with problematic Australians,
34:11there's a place...
34:12There's a place for him here at The Last Legs.
34:14Tell us more.
34:15Please welcome...
34:16Big John Fisher!
34:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:26Yeah, that's amazing.
34:28Come on.
34:29Thank you.
34:30APPLAUSE
34:31Thank you very much.
34:33Cheers, Josh.
34:34Cheers, Josh.
34:35It's all right.
34:36It's going to take my weight, innit?
34:38Yeah, you'll be all right.
34:39Yeah, that's all right.
34:40We made it.
34:41So, John, thank you for coming on the show, mate.
34:43Um, so, tell us what happened in Australia.
34:4617-hour flight direct from London to Perth.
34:50Got off the plane,
34:52then taken to immigration,
34:54five hours in immigration.
34:56I landed legally,
34:58but they weren't happy with one or two things.
35:00I said, like, I won't do anything,
35:01I'll just be here on holiday.
35:02It wasn't to no avail.
35:04Night in a detention centre,
35:06and then flied straight back next day.
35:08So, what happened?
35:09You went over there to do some gigs?
35:12To do some meet-and-greets.
35:13But didn't have a work visa?
35:15I've never needed a work visa,
35:16because you can work on a tourist visa,
35:17like what I was doing,
35:18but they said,
35:19because people were earning money off of me...
35:21Yeah.
35:22..then it wasn't right.
35:23And I said, right, I totally get that,
35:24I respect what you're saying.
35:26I said, at this point,
35:27have I done anything illegal?
35:28They said, no, you're all fine.
35:29Yeah.
35:30I said, right, I'll cancel everything,
35:31and I'll just have a week's holiday.
35:32I could have done with a week's holiday,
35:34cos I've been non-stop,
35:35but to no avail.
35:36They sent me back.
35:37And it was your...
35:38On my birthday.
35:39It was on your birthday.
35:40Yeah.
35:41The flight attendants, so, John,
35:42they were good with you, weren't they?
35:45Amazing.
35:46Got me a birthday cake.
35:47Sang me happy birthday.
35:48So, out of bad comes good.
35:50I met some wonderful people on that flight,
35:51so, thank you.
35:52Well, John, you've been through it this weekend,
35:54and you had a tough birthday,
35:55so I wanted to present you with something,
35:57in honour of being such a legend.
36:00For bringing the word boss
36:02into the British language.
36:04This is the very first,
36:06the only,
36:07Last Leg Peace Prize.
36:08John Fisher, this is for you, my friend.
36:10There you go.
36:11There it is.
36:12Thank you very much, John.
36:14That's right, mate.
36:15It's, um...
36:16Spring rolls, and also,
36:17the number in Roman numerals
36:18is that for the Blue Orchid,
36:19in Romford.
36:20So, there you go, mate.
36:21Big up the Blue Orchid.
36:22We'll have a last link for you after the break.
36:23We'll unveil our first mystery guest of the series,
36:24and we'll find out what happens
36:25when you cross a sumo with the Beatles.
36:26We'll see you in a little bit.
36:27Right, Wyatt.
36:28Welcome back to Last Leg.
36:29We're John, mate, Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
36:30Um, I just want to give a quick plug for a fundraiser
36:31I'm doing on Sunday.
36:32Um...
36:33Um...
36:34We'll have a last link for you after the break.
36:35We'll unveil our first mystery guest of the series,
36:36and we'll find out what happens when you cross a sumo
36:37with the Beatles.
36:38We'll see you in a little bit.
36:39Right, Wyatt.
36:40Welcome back to Last Leg.
36:41We're John, mate, Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
36:54Um, I just want to give a quick plug for a fundraiser
36:56I'm doing on Sunday.
36:57Uh, it's called An Afternoon with Mike McCartney.
37:00Now, uh, Mike McCartney had hits with the songs Lily the Pink,
37:03and Thank You Very Much,
37:04when he was in a band called Scaffold.
37:05But, Mike got a camera, uh, at the same time
37:08that his brother Paul McCartney got his first ever guitar.
37:12So, Mike's got all these amazing photos of his own career,
37:15having number one hits, that he goes through in the show,
37:17as well as Paul's attempt to start a band in Liverpool.
37:20There's all these photos that no-one else has got.
37:23Uh, we're doing the show at 3pm Sunday
37:25at the Park Theatre in Finsbury Park,
37:26but I caught up with Mike this week to go through the show.
37:29And he just pulled out a photo out of nowhere.
37:31It's a set...
37:32It's a photo of a set of ten-pin bowling scores
37:34when he went bowling with him and his brother and their mates,
37:37If you look, the names are Paul, John, George, Mike.
37:42What a ten-pin bowling set that is.
37:45John got 76.
37:47Yeah.
37:48John Lennon...
37:49I never thought I'd say this,
37:50but I think I'm better at bowling than John Lennon.
37:52LAUGHTER
37:53LAUGHTER
38:02Very happy for you.
38:03Yeah.
38:04Um, and...
38:05Does he call himself Mike McCartney?
38:07Because he was massive when I was a kid,
38:09but he called himself Mike McGea.
38:11Yes.
38:12So he didn't cash in.
38:13I had a weird thing with Paul McCartney.
38:15I was with my partner, who since has become my wife,
38:18and we were a group of us talking after one of his gigs.
38:22And he said,
38:23Can I just have a word?
38:24And he took her off to one side.
38:26And afterwards, I said,
38:28What did Paul McCartney say?
38:29And he said...
38:30She said...
38:31Oh, he said,
38:32Is he treating you all right?
38:34Oh, my God.
38:35LAUGHTER
38:36Wow.
38:37LAUGHTER
38:38Paul McCartney...
38:39Because I said...
38:41Yeah, I bet he actually said,
38:42You're really lucky to have him.
38:44LAUGHTER
38:45See, that's...
38:46That's what he said, apparently.
38:47Oh, look, while we're plugging,
38:49you're on tour at the moment, Stevie.
38:50Oh, yes.
38:51Doing live shows around the country.
38:52A live show, yes.
38:53Um, Frank, you've got a book,
38:55a story coming out.
38:56There's a book of P.G. Woodhouse tribute short stories,
39:00and I...
39:01Yeah.
39:02I'm first in the book,
39:03and I did the audio book,
39:04so I had to...
39:05I don't know if you know P.G. Woodhouse,
39:07but I had to do the audio book, go,
39:09Oh, I say, Jeeves, I really can't...
39:11It's very...
39:12I don't know how posh people talk like that all the time.
39:15Oh, that. Well, yeah.
39:16Yeah, it really hurts your throat.
39:17LAUGHTER
39:18Which was wobbling around.
39:19LAUGHTER
39:20Yeah, OK, exactly.
39:21LAUGHTER
39:22I didn't slap you, did I?
39:23LAUGHTER
39:24LAUGHTER
39:25Um, very briefly in sporting news this week,
39:28the second ever grand sumo tournament outside of Japan
39:31has taken place at the Royal Albert Hall,
39:33which means sumos were spotted all around London this week.
39:37Uh...
39:38Not that hard to spot.
39:40No, OK, that's a good point.
39:41That's a good point.
39:42Um, but they look really incongruous.
39:44Someone took this sneaky photo of some sumos on lime bikes.
39:48LAUGHTER
39:50I wondered...
39:51I wondered why my delivery didn't turn up.
39:53LAUGHTER
39:55Um, and look, we're going to bring some sumo to you
39:57at the end of tonight's show.
39:58Josh and Alex and I will take on a sumo
40:01in a three-on-one match in the studio...
40:04LAUGHTER
40:05..to the death.
40:06LAUGHTER
40:07Or at least to the end of the credits.
40:08LAUGHTER
40:09Right now, though,
40:10we're going to bring on this week's mystery guest.
40:11Oh, yeah.
40:12Someone from the news.
40:13Uh, Frank and Stevie have to try to identify them.
40:16Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
40:19APPLAUSE
40:29OK.
40:31Right.
40:32Why has this man been in the news this week?
40:34Let's please have the tense lighting change, please.
40:38So, this is Brian, but why was he in the news?
40:42Was it because A, he broke a world record after driving his shed at 123 miles an hour?
40:48B, he broke a world record by staying in his shed for 16 months and 12 days without leaving?
40:54Or C, he broke hearts by marrying his shed?
40:58LAUGHTER
40:59So, that was like a mannequin driver's shed.
41:01So, we need an answer before the ad break.
41:03Um, what do you think?
41:04I think he probably stayed in his shed for a long time.
41:10No, you're wrong.
41:11That man can drive a shed.
41:13No, but...
41:14Obviously, I can smell the terps on him.
41:17LAUGHTER
41:18He can drive the terps.
41:20Yeah.
41:21What do you think?
41:22Yeah, I think...
41:23He lives, he lives in his shed.
41:25I can tell you...
41:26Actually, you can have one.
41:27You can have one easy.
41:28Can I?
41:29Yeah.
41:30Oh, equality.
41:31LAUGHTER
41:34In action!
41:37This is it.
41:38Yeah.
41:39This is the final battle of the sexes.
41:40Who's gonna get it right?
41:41He drove the shed for women!
41:43LAUGHTER
41:44All right.
41:45We'll find out after the break.
41:46We'll uncover the mystery guests.
41:47We'll try a spot of sumo.
41:48We'll see you in a little bit.
41:50LAUGHTER
41:51Welcome back to Last Leg.
42:07We're joined by Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
42:09We are ready for sumo.
42:11But before the break, we challenged Stevie and Frank...
42:13Oh, yeah.
42:14..to work out how our mystery guest, Brian,
42:16was connected to the news.
42:17Alex, can we have the options again, please?
42:19Yes.
42:20So...
42:21What was Brian?
42:22Did he break a world record
42:23driving at 123 miles an hour in his shed?
42:26Did he break a world record for staying in his shed
42:28for 16 months and 12 days without leaving?
42:30Or did he break hearts by marrying his shed?
42:33So...
42:34Stevie's gone driving.
42:35Yeah.
42:36Frank's gone staying in the shed.
42:38OK.
42:39Uh...
42:40Brian, please reveal the correct answer.
42:42I've been driving in my car...
42:43Ah!
42:44You did it!
42:45Oh, no!
42:46Oh, no!
42:47Oh, no!
42:48Oh, no!
42:49Oh, no!
42:50Oh, my God!
42:51Oh, my God!
42:52Oh, my God!
42:53Oh, my God!
42:54That's crazy!
42:55Oh, my God!
42:56Oh, my God!
42:57Oh, my God!
42:58Oh, my God!
42:59Greatest reveal in history.
43:01Greatest reveal in history.
43:02What's really annoying is I saw that parked outside instead of...
43:05LAUGHTER
43:06LAUGHTER
43:07What else could it have been?
43:08LAUGHTER
43:09So, Brian, you all right in there, mate?
43:10Yeah, good.
43:11So, Brian, just a quick question.
43:12How did it...
43:13Well, how did it come about?
43:14Yeah, no, um...
43:15Yeah, no, um...
43:16Yeah, no, um...
43:17Yeah, no, um...
43:18Yeah, no, um...
43:19Yeah, no, um...
43:20Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
43:30Um...
43:31Yeah, I was a great fan of record breakers as a child.
43:34Um, Roy Castle playing his, um, trumpet, singing, um, dedication's what you need.
43:40Yeah.
43:41And...
43:42Hang on, so what makes this a shed and not a car?
43:44He identifies as a shed, so...
43:46LAUGHTER
43:47LAUGHTER
43:48APPLAUSE
43:55And...
43:56And so what...
43:57Why...
43:58What's the previous world record and why did you do this?
44:00Um, the previous record was 106.
44:02Yeah.
44:03And, um...
44:04That's what my grandchildren ask as well.
44:06Grandad, why are you bolting a shed onto a car?
44:09LAUGHTER
44:10Well, the simple answer is to get away from the big bad wolf.
44:13LAUGHTER
44:14Oh, yeah.
44:15So you've now turned this into a, uh...
44:17A kid's book that is raising money for a charity called Reach.
44:21Reach, that's right, a children's charity.
44:22I'm an ambassador of Reach.
44:23That Alex is an ambassador for, so it's...
44:25Coincidence.
44:26Yeah.
44:27Yeah, I mean, you've done 123 miles an hour, but you've also come full circle.
44:30I never thought I'd say this to someone in public, but can you...
44:33Uh, thank you for being on the show.
44:35Can you please reverse your shed out of here?
44:37LAUGHTER
44:38Uh, Josh has been saying bosh to the last seven days.
44:55Have you got a clip for us?
44:56I have been saying bosh.
44:57Yeah, would you like to see an inopportune clip of a bird having its life saved for 2.6 seconds?
45:02Yes, please.
45:03Just nature in action, this.
45:08Just nature.
45:09Oh, no, who's that coming up?
45:11Uh-oh.
45:12Oh, no.
45:13Don't...
45:14I don't know if this is the best...
45:15Oh, no!
45:16LAUGHTER
45:17Oh, jeez.
45:18Oh, jeez.
45:19Oh.
45:20Uh, all right.
45:21We are about to take part in a bit of para-sumo live in this video.
45:25The bleakest clip I've ever seen.
45:27Bill Oddie making an Ofcom complaint.
45:29LAUGHTER
45:30Before we do that, though, would you please thank our guests for tonight?
45:33Stevie Martin.
45:34APPLAUSE
45:35You're out of all this.
45:37Craig Skinner.
45:39APPLAUSE
45:40And...
45:41Big John Fisher.
45:43APPLAUSE
45:45And my co-host Josh Winnicum and Alex Brooker.
45:49Yeah, it's true.
45:51Yeah, it's true.
45:52We'll be back next week with comedians Catherine Bohart, Laura Smith and Richard Ayoade.
45:55But right now, let's get ready to sumo!
46:00And he weighs 160 kilograms.
46:07And he runs a sumo-themed karaoke bar.
46:12It was a toss of a coin, sumo or darts?
46:16LAUGHTER
46:18Alex, please step into the ring.
46:20So they bow now, the ritual, and Alex steps into the ring to take on George.
46:25Alex, you have to both... you don't... the bout starts when both fists are on the ground.
46:29Are you taking a fucking piss?
46:31LAUGHTER
46:33OK.
46:34Will you take one knuckle?
46:35All right.
46:36Yeah.
46:37Good, cos I'm gonna fuck you apart.
46:39OK.
46:40Go on, Alex!
46:41Three, two, one... sumo!
46:44And the bout begins.
46:46Shit, the price is gone, Alex!
46:48Alex showing tremendous...
46:50He's calling for help.
46:52Whoa!
46:53He's calling for help.
46:55And now, Josh has gone in as well.
46:58And now, all three of them...
47:00George!
47:01George!
47:02George!
47:03George!
47:04George!
47:05George!
47:06George!
47:07George has won!
47:08Mark Zilkin, tonight's champion!
47:13Tremendous work.
47:16Thanks for watching The Last Leg.
47:17My name's Adam Hills.
47:18See you next week for The Next Leg.
47:20In you go.
47:21Go, go.
47:25Fuck!
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