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Short filmTranscript
00:01Yeah, it's five grand.
00:02We said ten!
00:03I've got a wedding to pay for.
00:04And I can take that problem off your hands with one word to Diane.
00:07You chose Tony and Nancy's side, even though they're the ones that cheated!
00:11And I thought I could handle you getting Mercedes pregnant, but now I'm just...
00:15It's here, or it's us.
00:17I love you, Tom. Please stay. For me.
00:30I love you, Tom. Please stay.
00:45I love you, Tom. Please stay.
00:51I love you, Tom.
00:55I love you, Tom.
00:57I want the rest of my money by the end of the day, or I am going to tell Diane about our little secret.
01:04Hiya! Hey! I'll see you at the inn, yeah?
01:07A lot of water.
01:22This isn't going to be pretty, like you.
01:27Morning, Al.
01:31Morning.
01:33I've got to get dressed. It's only stuck.
01:45Eh, why is she still calling you?
01:48I've told you, Tony, it's me or Mercedes.
01:50Hey, of course it's you.
01:52And if you'd have let me answer my phone, you would have heard me tell Mercedes that.
01:55Well, I just think cutting her out of our lives is what's best for us.
01:58I agree.
01:59Hey, you know you're going to be late for your own hen do.
02:02Go on.
02:03I'll be the one waiting tomorrow at the end of the aisle, okay?
02:05Yeah, can't wait.
02:07See you in a bit.
02:09See you in a bit.
02:10See you in a bit.
02:16Tony!
02:19Carol!
02:20What are you doing here?
02:21It's always been you, Tony.
02:24Eh?
02:25Ever since you popped my cherry in new key, you've always had the key to my heart.
02:32I am here to scupper your wedding.
02:36Oh, you reek of booze.
02:37Have you been gambling?
02:38So Charlie blabbed, did he?
02:39Of course he blabbed!
02:40Because he cares about you!
02:41We all do.
02:42Well, just get off my case, all right?
02:43Any wonder I fall off the wagon when I've got a family like you lot?
02:44Keep going the way you are and you won't have a family for much longer.
02:49You are a father.
02:50You should be ashamed of yourself.
02:51Anyone else want to wade in?
02:52Because I could really do with a kip.
02:53Well, I'll say my goodbyes now, then, because by the time you wake up, I'll be in Liverpool.
03:18You okay, Tom?
03:19Am I doing the right thing getting back with Perry?
03:24Why?
03:25I mean, what you're so scared of?
03:27It not working out again.
03:29Losing her.
03:30All I seem to do is lose people that I love.
03:33Oh, Tom.
03:36Listen.
03:37You've got Steph together.
03:39So you're always going to be in her life, aren't you?
03:41I just feel like I might have forced her into something that she's only going to regret.
03:45Look, I've got to go, Leela, okay?
03:47I'm late already.
03:49Tom.
03:50Don't you think you should be having this conversation with Perry?
03:54I will.
03:55I just can't shake the feeling that this was a huge mistake.
03:58What are you doing now?
03:59Just checking in.
04:00Trouble?
04:01Stay.
04:02He keeps calling.
04:03Oi!
04:04You'd do best to avoid him.
04:05You only hurt him.
04:06It's in your DNA.
04:07And what have you asked you to be as plus one?
04:09Weddings bring out the worst in people.
04:10And I'd hate to see you get hurt.
04:11Well, that's hard to believe considering the last time I've seen you.
04:12You had a gun in my face.
04:13Well, you started that didn't you.
04:14Anyway, we're family.
04:15And that will never change.
04:16It's not your fault the way you were brought into this world.
04:17All those things we did, exploiting those kids.
04:18Do you ever think you'll truly be forgiven?
04:19Do you ever think you'll truly be forgiven?
04:20I am.
04:21I am.
04:22I am.
04:23It's not your fault the way you were brought into this world.
04:24All those things we did, exploiting those kids.
04:25Do you ever think you'll truly be forgiven?
04:26I am.
04:27I am.
04:28I am.
04:29I am.
04:30I am.
04:31I am.
04:32I am.
04:33I am.
04:34I am.
04:35I am.
04:36I am.
04:37You.
04:38I am.
04:39I am.
04:40I am.
04:41I am.
04:42I am.
04:43I am.
04:44I am.
04:45I am.
04:46I am.
04:47I am.
04:48I am.
04:49I am.
04:50I am.
04:51With what?
04:53Oh!
04:54I am broke.
04:56I have got a job that needs to do in!
04:57It is pays well.
04:58magic makes yourself perfect for my children and I will the
05:05Barcelona, on a cruise ship, promising you'd come back to me.
05:08Yes, and here I am.
05:09Yeah, it was 25 years ago, Carol.
05:11It was a very long cruise.
05:12OK, open your eyes. Ta-da!
05:15Daryl!
05:17Hey, I thought you sold her to pay for your boob job.
05:19Yeah, Groves, what happened there?
05:21Finn!
05:22Eve, what are you guys doing here?
05:24Oh, my oldest pal's getting hitched. Where else would I be?
05:27Well, you didn't make it to any of my other weddings.
05:28Well, at least I was on a cruise for 25 years, yeah?
05:30What's your excuse, Rory?
05:33I think my invitation's got lost in the post.
05:36Hang on, has he fallen off the line about you being back for him?
05:38Well, he said it was a line.
05:40Oh, typical. I reunite you with Beryl, and this is the thanks I get.
05:43Only took me a decade to hunt her down.
05:45Tom Cunningham?
05:47You're in nappies last time I saw you.
05:50I'm so glad that you guys could make it.
05:51Yeah, I'm really glad as well, guys, but it's somewhere I've got to be.
05:54Forget that, you're driving.
05:56Come on, let's get this stag do started.
05:58What?
05:58Oh, there's no room for you. Sorry.
06:03Charming.
06:05There's me wondering why you're still single.
06:07You hear that, mate?
06:08She's obsessed with me.
06:10Now, just come back in.
06:12See ya!
06:15Hey!
06:15Hello, stranger.
06:26Zoe?
06:27You're getting the party started without me?
06:30Come here.
06:31Hello.
06:33Oh, nice to see ya.
06:35Oh.
06:35Okay, stick this on.
06:40We are behind schedule.
06:44Your mystery guests should be here any second.
06:46Look, seriously, Finn, I've got to go.
06:47There's something I really need to sort out.
06:49What is so urgent?
06:51You need to bail on your own stag do.
06:52I've got Diane's best mate pregnant.
06:56Does Diane know?
06:57Not about that one.
06:59That one?
07:00How many pregnant women are there?
07:01Two.
07:02She forgave me for Mercedes as long as I keep my distance.
07:05Distance?
07:05What you need is a vasectomy, mate.
07:08God, when did life get so complicated, eh?
07:10Phil, you'll sort it out, mate.
07:12You're Tony Huffinson, you always do.
07:16Anyone seen a condemned man?
07:18Dom!
07:19Hello, Dom.
07:20Since when do you have a brother?
07:24Long story.
07:25It's good to see you all.
07:26It's amazing, brother.
07:27Even when you mess up like you did with Diane,
07:29you always somehow manage to put things right.
07:31Let's hope the good luck doesn't run up soon, eh?
07:33Cheers.
07:35Listen, guys, I'm so sorry, but I've got to go.
07:50There's this woman, and she's pregnant with my kid.
07:55And she doesn't want me in her life or anything,
07:59but she wants five grand by the end of the day,
08:00or she's going to tell Diane.
08:01Wow.
08:03I thought maybe you left the oven on, not put a bun in it.
08:06Are you going to pay her?
08:07Well, if I can find the cash, which is what I'm trying to do.
08:10Why not just tell Diane?
08:11No.
08:12No, she'd never forgive me.
08:14I can't lose her again, Dom.
08:17I'll give you the money.
08:19I can't ask you to do that.
08:21You didn't.
08:22How many times have you bailed me out?
08:23Dom, this is my mess.
08:25You're the man who once said,
08:26love always wins.
08:27Well, let me show you that you're all right.
08:30Thanks, mate.
08:32Listen.
08:34I'll pay you back, yeah?
08:37I already have.
08:39But you need to close down this woman for good,
08:41or else you'll keep coming back for more.
08:43Yeah.
08:48We should get some food.
08:51Hey.
08:51It's ÂŁ5 off Monday meals.
08:53That's ÂŁ20 off for a family of four.
08:56Wow.
08:57Sorry, I'm being really weird.
08:59It's just...
09:00It's been so long.
09:01Where do we even start?
09:04Well, what's new with you, hmm?
09:06Yeah, I'm here just to take a walk down memory lane.
09:08And you're still seeing Mike Barnes?
09:11Getting married next year.
09:12Finally.
09:13Why do you do it to yourself, eh?
09:15What?
09:17Marriage.
09:17We had such big dreams for how life might have turned out, didn't we?
09:22Yeah.
09:24Well, if you want to have a trip down memory lane, maybe we could just party like it's the
09:27noughties.
09:29Starting with shots.
09:33Prince, two tequilas, please, for us.
09:34Darren, I'm not drinking shots.
09:36Why not?
09:37Because it's not the noughties.
09:39Also, it's 2.30 in the afternoon.
09:40Said Zoe never back in the day when she was fun.
09:44So, let's turn the music up.
09:45Come on, mate.
09:46It's dead in here, you know.
09:47Let's have a little dance.
09:47Man, it's too early for that.
09:48Why not?
09:49For all time's sake.
09:50You need to eat something.
09:52Sorry?
09:55What are you doing here?
09:56Uh, currently dealing with this.
09:58Oh, well, why don't you come back to mine and sober up before you see your family?
10:02We're catching up.
10:03I can see that.
10:04Come on.
10:04Yeah, look after him, will you?
10:05Of course.
10:06Come on.
10:06Come on.
10:07That's it.
10:07I'm gone.
10:07I know you're fine.
10:09Come on.
10:10This way.
10:10Come on.
10:11I'm all right.
10:11I know.
10:11I know.
10:12I know.
10:12Have you told this Perry girl how you feel?
10:15Don't do that.
10:16My advice, ignore her.
10:17Drives the babes wild.
10:19And what babe doesn't swoon at a little bit of old school sexism?
10:24Then, once you've left her dangling for a bit, reel her in with a line of flattery.
10:28Right.
10:28Says the middle-aged bachelor.
10:31Carol's right.
10:32Listen to her.
10:32She is really smart.
10:34Not just a gorgeous pair of hazelnut eyes you could lose yourself in.
10:38I think they're more mahogany myself, but thank you.
10:41See?
10:42Flattery works like a charm.
10:44All you two do is bicker.
10:46How long have you been together?
10:49Whoa.
10:50We've been together.
10:52Jack!
10:53Carol.
10:56Finn!
10:58Two blasts from the past.
11:00Tom, I don't think Darren's going to make it.
11:05Okay, right.
11:07Marry, affair, bin, Tony, Prince, Dodger.
11:11Nance, would you be tempted to keep Tony behind class?
11:16I think this is a really weird game, so let's play something else.
11:19Come on, we're just having a bit of fun.
11:20I actually think you'd make quite a cute couple, wouldn't they?
11:23Er, no.
11:24Er, it's with Diane, so that would be a bit weird, wouldn't it?
11:26It would.
11:27Where is Pearl with the snacks?
11:29I do admire you, Diane.
11:31Giving Tony another chance.
11:33Right, listen, I know he's not perfect yet, but he's all mine.
11:36And so the next woman I see, making eyes at him, will be getting one of those.
11:42You do know we're only going for one weekend.
11:44Well, yeah, but if I'd have been given more notice, I'd have had more time to plan my outfits, wouldn't I?
11:47So I said you packed everything.
11:49Yeah, pretty much.
11:54Hey, where are you guys off to?
11:56Are you going to be back tomorrow for Tony and Diane's wedding?
11:59Ooh, got a better offer.
12:00Dad booked us a city break.
12:02Oh, well, thanks for letting me know.
12:04Enjoy.
12:06I feel bad that Steve's paying for all this.
12:09No, he offered.
12:09Would have been rude not to accept.
12:11Are you sure we should be going with Darren Ewald?
12:14You're not worried about him?
12:15Dad will just be out drinking somewhere.
12:18This is what he does.
12:18Instead of telling us what's actually wrong, he just presses self-destruct.
12:24Maybe we just shouldn't go.
12:25You're kidding, right?
12:26I want to be as far away from this as possible when it goes boom.
12:30Come on, Charlie.
12:32Dad's problems will still be here when we get back.
12:34We deserve to have some fun.
12:36Love will need you.
12:37You mean the world to me.
12:39Let's take together.
12:40Right, everyone ready?
12:41Woo!
12:42Let's do it.
12:42I did.
12:43Woo!
12:46Right, well, here we go.
12:47Yay!
12:48Yay!
12:48Well, this little fella's going to have a partner in crime.
13:01This is a full frontal.
13:02No!
13:04Oh, I bet Tony was as proud as punch, eh?
13:07He didn't show up.
13:09What?
13:10Why?
13:12What is his stag doing it?
13:14And please don't make excuses for him, Merce.
13:17He said he was going to be there.
13:19It's not a very good start, is it?
13:20Mom.
13:21No, he needs telling.
13:23If he carries on like this, you're going to end up bringing this baby up on your own.
13:27Please, will you just drop it?
13:29Do you know what we should do?
13:30We should go and gatecrash the wedding.
13:31Oh!
13:32And show Tony Hutchinson and that snooty bride of his that they can't shirk responsibility.
13:38No way!
13:38I am not going to show up and gatecrash the wedding, mother.
13:43I'm not that desperate.
13:44No.
13:45But, flipping it, Warren Fox, Felix and now Tony, I mean, you don't have Pickham.
13:50Yes!
13:51Do you know what?
13:52You are so right, I do.
13:55And they all say the right thing, they do the right thing, but then they leave anyway.
13:59And I'm just left on my own.
14:01You know, for once, I wanted things to be a bit different.
14:07Because Tony's a good man.
14:08And I didn't want to bring up another child without the dad.
14:15Yet again.
14:17Sadie, you are an amazing mum.
14:20You're all that baby boy needs.
14:22Because look how that worked out for my Bobby.
14:27And what about you?
14:28God.
14:31Do you want Tony?
14:33Is that what this is?
14:34No.
14:36No, Mum, I don't want Tony.
14:38Is getting married.
14:41They're welcome to each other.
14:46You're a parent.
14:47I don't see what the problem is.
14:49The problem is, I'm not sure she's thought this through.
14:52Plus, we've tried before and it didn't work.
14:54Yeah, fascinating.
14:55I mean, look at her.
14:58She is beautiful.
15:00Yeah, she is.
15:02Look, I'm no expert.
15:04And yeah, she'll probably break your heart because she is seriously out of your league.
15:09But if you don't give it a go, then...
15:12At least you won't spend the rest of your days thinking, what if?
15:19Because life's short, Tom.
15:23Only regret the things you haven't done.
15:27Never the things you have.
15:28Yeah, unless one of those things is arson.
15:32Oh, yeah, thanks, lads.
15:33A big help.
15:35You're Perry.
15:37Tom showed me your photo.
15:39Oh, did he?
15:40Yeah.
15:41Listen, erm, I've lived with unrequited love.
15:45And I know how much it hurts.
15:48I'm so sorry.
15:49Do I know who you are?
15:50Oh, I'm Carol.
15:51Hi, Carol.
15:52And my point is, there's a lad who adores you.
15:58And if you don't feel the same way, don't leave him dangling.
16:02But let him down gently.
16:05Because you're going to break his heart.
16:08So.
16:09As for you!
16:11Here, just...
16:14All right, there.
16:15And then...
16:16There you go.
16:17And...
16:17Oh!
16:18Hmm!
16:22Play it cool.
16:24Never fail.
16:25Shut up!
16:27You had me from the moment you first polished my beryl.
16:34Hey.
16:35Hey.
16:37Look, I'm sorry for running off this morning.
16:39It's fine.
16:41There's actually something I need to say.
16:43Okay.
16:45After you.
16:47When I look back
16:49on when we were first dating,
16:51I think...
16:53What was I thinking?
16:56Okay.
16:57No, I mean, what was I thinking letting you go?
17:00Because I love you.
17:02I love...
17:03How you unplug electrical devices before you go to bed.
17:07How you wear a crash helmet
17:09even though you're on an exercise bike.
17:12How when you're with my daughter.
17:14She knows every exit because there could be a fire.
17:17Yeah, well, being vigilant costs nothing.
17:18And I know
17:19you think I'm flaky
17:21and that I haven't thought this through
17:22but you're wrong.
17:25I want this.
17:27I want you
17:27more than anything in the world.
17:30I love you, Tom.
17:31It's always been you.
17:34So, Tom Cunningham...
17:35Will you marry me?
17:39So kiss me
17:40Can I get back to you on that?
17:50Kiss me
17:52Down by the broken tree house
17:55I find the rest of the money in there.
18:03Pleasure doing business with you.
18:05Comes with a condition.
18:07I know Diane thinks you're her best friend
18:09but after tomorrow I think it'd be best for everyone
18:11if you just quietly stepped away.
18:13I've got too much to lose to have you and Mike.
18:16Fine by me.
18:18Mike?
18:19What are you doing here?
18:20I just had to get some off in the restaurant
18:22and I couldn't bear to be away from the woman I love
18:24for another second.
18:25Oh, so you still want to marry me then?
18:26I do.
18:27And I think this world's going to stop me.
18:31Hey, get back in there.
18:32It's about night.
18:37I can't believe that Tony didn't show up.
18:39No.
18:40It makes me so glad that I'm not doing this on my own.
18:42Never.
18:46Liberty's out with the kids.
18:48You don't think it's...
18:50Jess?
18:51Go.
18:51Just go.
18:52Go, go, go, go, go.
18:56I'm just going to phone Nancy
18:57and tell her where you are.
19:00Hello?
19:03No, it's Darren.
19:05Well, because I'm a Mercedes gaff, aren't I?
19:09No, because Tony has turned my whole family against me
19:13and he's also ruining Mercedes life
19:15so someone has got to do something about it.
19:17Okay?
19:20What?
19:20No, of course not.
19:22I wouldn't do that, would I?
19:26Then again, I didn't think he would do what he's done to me.
19:29So, you know what?
19:32It's funny speaking to you right now.
19:35I've been trying to figure out in my head
19:37what I'm going to do about all this.
19:40And speaking to you, it's...
19:41It's kind of like it's meant to be, isn't it?
19:44So, yeah, let's do it.
19:47I'll get whatever money it costs, okay?
19:51You do the hit.
19:53I want you to take Tony out.
19:56I want you to take your heart.
20:09I'll see you next week.
20:09I'll see you next week.
20:10Bye.
20:11Bye.
20:12Bye.
20:13Bye.
20:14Bye.
20:15Bye.
20:15Bye.
20:18Bye.
20:19Bye.
20:23Bye.
20:24Bye.
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