Is money a taboo topic for European couples?

DW (English)

People rarely discuss money when they start dating. But as relationships deepen, the topic does tend to come up. Is that a good thing?

Transcript

00:00Money, money, money.

00:02It can be, like, a bit awkward sometimes.

00:04Generally speaking, it's a taboo.

00:06Money becomes an issue in relationships even during the very first date.

00:10Who pays? Or do you split the bill?

00:13Is it awkward to talk about money?

00:15So how do European couples navigate the topic?

00:17We look for answers from couples themselves and from a trained expert.

00:21Let's start with the basics.

00:23Do you know what your partner earns?

00:26Yeah, I have a, you know, clear idea.

00:29Yeah.

00:30Yeah.

00:31Yes, I would openly talk about my own salary.

00:34Yeah, I think, yeah.

00:36Not for a first date, but then, but then, yeah, it's good to know.

00:43Well, that seems fairly straightforward.

00:45Most people know what their partner earns.

00:47So maybe it's not a taboo subject.

00:49I don't really think it's that big of a deal.

00:52The less you talk about it, the more it becomes a problem.

00:54The more it becomes the elephant in the room, so.

00:57Yeah, I think it can be a big topic, and it can be, like, a bit awkward sometimes.

01:03Yeah, I definitely had some issues in a previous relationship with money.

01:07Aha!

01:08It's not quite that simple after all.

01:10We showed our interviews to psychologist Gulshihan Korkmaz.

01:14As a couples therapist, she's familiar with money conflicts.

01:17The interesting thing is that I think it's not a taboo topic if there's no problems financially.

01:25Communication is so important.

01:27You need to communicate, because usually when we have gender-specific or nationality-specific arguments, it's all about your expectations.

01:40It's no coincidence that money is a huge issue, especially between the sexes, because, on average, women earn less than men.

01:48In the EU, the gender pay gap is around 12%, and according to a British study, men who earn more than their wives are happier.

01:57Hmm, interesting. And what if the woman earns more? Would that be okay?

02:03Yeah, it's even better.

02:06Yeah, definitely.

02:07If two people have different incomes, it might be hard to match.

02:11It's 20-25, it's no big deal.

02:14I know, like, my latest relationship was someone who earned a lot more than I did.

02:19There are moments where your ego kicks in and he wants to be like, nah, I should pay this time more.

02:24But most of the time, it's okay.

02:26And what does the relationship expert think?

02:28Interesting, but not true at all.

02:31Of course, since your birth, you have been socialized so strictly in gender roles.

02:40We are raised in a system where the male part is dominant.

02:44Money means power, and this is all over the world, it's the same.

02:48When there are some power shifts in the relationship, or just very easily the woman wants to work

02:54and wants the partner to stay home and look after the children, there are problems.

03:00So that means money and gender roles are closely related.

03:03But according to the psychologist, money is less of an issue for gay couples.

03:07When I think about it, financial topics are not that often stated out.

03:13According to surveys, around three quarters of German couples avoid conflicts about money,

03:19and some feel awkward asking for reimbursement.

03:22Consequently, over one third of Germans steer clear of the topic,

03:25and wouldn't ask their partner to repay amounts between 10 and 100 euros.

03:29So how do European couples work out who pays?

03:33I think the person that earns more should support more to the relationship, yeah.

03:38I think that generally it's okay 50-50.

03:40If someone was making like a lot less than me, then I would, you know, want to look after them a bit, or treat them a bit, you know.

03:47For me, it's important to be independent.

03:49Mostly we split, like 50-50.

03:52So it appears that paying 50-50 is quite common in Europe.

03:55But Gushikhan Korkmaz doesn't necessarily think that's fair.

04:00Yeah, that's stupid. I'm sorry.

04:03Because you cannot just divide into 50-50.

04:07Human beings are never 50-50.

04:09You will have relations like 60-40, 70-30, and we need to be flexible about that.

04:15So what's your take on money and relationships?

04:18BORDER

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended