- 3 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00you gotta get your passport ready okay what are you thinking we don't need to change that hair
00:00:05before we take the photo i think we do a wig it's good right you got to be kidding me this
00:00:10is a panty drop bar oh my god i'm not a bad guy good morning team i just made some bad choices
00:00:19you gotta help me man you sound crazy find a safe place to hide for a few months
00:00:27i would like to introduce you to someone would you like to go out with me yes i would i would
00:00:34very much really very much like to go out on a date with you police believe the roof man may still be
00:00:40in the area what the oh my god you can't expect me to go on christmas right i mean can't just stay
00:00:50old house i have a plan i like you just need to slow it down a little bit okay i need you to take
00:00:58the ink bomb out oops you got to cover your trash any message you made whatever you did you can quit
00:01:07i can fix this i'm gonna push it just a little bit okay all right all right
00:01:14you guys okay mother yeah
00:01:19third fourth what do you mean oh have you been thinking about calling this off for a while
00:01:31well i took your online compatibility test and he scored a 12. okay that test helps predict long
00:01:38term compatibility caller you're right to consider this very very carefully 43 percent of marriages end
00:01:46in divorce all right you don't want that how long have you known this guy about five months but he's a
00:01:51really good guy and all and five months sofia are you scared of being alone i guess so maybe yeah
00:02:00because you know what's scarier than being alone you know what's worse being alone with the wrong guy
00:02:07for the rest of your life you got it doesn't sound like your average case of pre-wedding jitters
00:02:11wait are you saying i should call off the wedding i'm running out of time caller but you know
00:02:17deep inside what you need to do thank you for calling good luck
00:02:35knock knock who's there this is your publisher speaking we don't want any
00:02:41read them and weep oh really there's any one way to find out
00:02:47no no i'm too nervous you read it
00:02:51the doctor is in the first book from local talk radio sensation dr emma lloyd real love establishes
00:02:57lloyd as the latest koja of modern romance the latest what what do they call me koja apparently
00:03:03i don't know what that means do you know what that means i don't even know how to spell it
00:03:07hey h what kind of word is koja oh i mean they just show our love really okay
00:03:11for a popular magazine to review a self-help book and pull out a word like
00:03:17koja from the turkish hoka a a title of respect for a teacher
00:03:22b a wise man or woman oh or c a subsect of ancient ismali assassins
00:03:29hmm let's go with a for teacher shall we i don't know no the um the assassin thing i wouldn't throw
00:03:34that out i just love those people from new york magazine bonafide geniuses do you think i
00:03:38should write them a thank you note what's some of those fruit baskets people seem to love fruit
00:03:41mmm i love fruit yeah well that's why i'm marrying you my coja
00:03:49we're not done we're not done in comic
00:03:55dr lloyd's analysis of love's do's and don'ts is both insightful and trenchant trenchant what the
00:04:00hell does that mean is that some kind of fancy word for full of shit trenchant direct and incisive
00:04:05action give me a break smart in what i saw it on jeopardy i mean why don't they just say read
00:04:09the book ruin your life why did they just say that why don't you read the sports page to us huh
00:04:13physical gifts can offer such insightful observations into the human heart is a thing of
00:04:18wonderful trouble one o'clock chicken soup for the heart oh my ass hey hey sophia hello so here we go
00:04:28hey i'm reading about that very nice lady that helped you plunge a knife in my heart
00:04:32very trenchant stuff i can't talk right now because i gotta be someplace oh come on give me a ride
00:04:37hey fellas stop the truck so come on you haven't returned any of my calls well i've been busy
00:04:46sophia give the guy a break talk to him so i can't oh don't do that so come out here sophia
00:04:56please come out here so we can talk
00:04:58no no no no not you sir you can put your hands down firemen we don't arrest people no we'll hose you
00:05:06down though sophia i'm not gonna go anywhere until you come out here
00:05:18i don't understand you know one minute where we're getting married and we're talking about names for our
00:05:22kids and the next because of some fruitcake to the doctor of what sophia of what talk to me
00:05:31patrick it's over i'm sorry okay it's over
00:05:40i gotta go
00:05:41all right show's over folks let's keep it moving huh what are you looking at
00:05:51and that's what i really like all my friends tell me he's wrong for me what do your friends say
00:05:55that we have nothing in common it's just the sex i'm just running away from many more appropriate
00:06:00men who pursue me because i'm afraid of the real thing so they say
00:06:14so
00:06:30leave the man alone can you not see that his heart is broken
00:06:35how can he eat when the woman that he loved abandoned him forever virtually without explanation
00:06:41and maybe at this very moment cock-holding him with some other man
00:06:54good night everybody
00:06:55cock-holding him what does that mean
00:07:11hey
00:07:29i'll be right with you i'm just giving ann coulter's frequent flyer mouse michael moore aj come on man
00:07:35this hacking's getting out of hand you know you get some serious trouble here too late bon voyage mr moore
00:07:39you see that clipping on the love doctor's wedding plans yeah who in the right mind's gonna marry
00:07:44a woman like that whoever we want what do you mean check this out
00:07:52who's that
00:07:53it's her the love doctor i got off her birth certificate oh i don't know about this aj what are you talking
00:08:01about all you ever do is walk around muttering about giving her a piece of your mind or or letting her
00:08:05have it or fixing your wagon okay for one i've never said fix a wagon well if you've moved on that's
00:08:11different i'm happy you finally put this behind you all right wait whoa
00:08:18maybe me telling her how i feel and holding her accountable would be you know important for my
00:08:23growth or whatever what do you think what am i your yogi i thought you just wanted a little payback
00:08:29let's do it nice oh no hey you're married i'm what already married according to who according to
00:08:46whom the state of new york that's impossible yes there must be some mistake i have never been married
00:08:51you must have the wrong emma lloyd emmeline willing lloyd the real name is emmeline apparently
00:09:00there are a lot of things you don't know about her how do we fix this annulment forms fill them out
00:09:05have them notarized bring them back i can't believe i didn't know them and your husband needs to sign
00:09:11them too fiance husband i don't have a husband then who is patrick thomas sullivan of astoria new york
00:09:18yes who is he i don't know he's your husband address is right there astoria queen's don't
00:09:25worry i know a lawyer who can sort this out quietly i'm sure that won't be necessary i'm afraid it will
00:09:29darling i've got a book to launch yours i might add richard you don't really think no no no it's not
00:09:34that it's just the timing of this could not be worse i know you know i'm in the middle of recalling
00:09:3870 000 copies of a very moving memoir by a new author that we've trumpeted as an ex
00:09:43maya angelou who turns out to have plagiarized guess who maya angelus i forgot about that one
00:09:47well i didn't and now the headline love doctor a polygamist just flashed before my eyes hold
00:09:52these and on top of everything else there's the bollenbecher takeover and you know they haven't
00:09:57announced which publishers they'll be keeping and which publishers they'll be dumping so one
00:09:59self-help author who can't seem to help herself from being already married in abingdon books could
00:10:03be history darling i understand completely trust me i'll take care of it everything will be fine oh no
00:10:11darling you're not even chalky you don't need this no you're absolutely right but it's a moment of
00:10:18weakness go get him taxi bye sweetie
00:10:41hello hello
00:11:12Hello, excuse me.
00:11:14You're not Patrick Sullivan, are you?
00:11:17You are?
00:11:18No.
00:11:19May I help you?
00:11:20I hope so.
00:11:21Is this 2301 33rd Street?
00:11:23Yes, it is.
00:11:24I'm looking for someone who's supposed to live here
00:11:26by the unlikely name of Patrick Sullivan.
00:11:28Patrick.
00:11:34Keep going, tall lady.
00:11:36Keep going.
00:11:41Excuse me.
00:11:46Excuse me, sir.
00:11:48Officer.
00:11:49Hello?
00:11:50Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:11:51Hey.
00:11:52Hey, I'm sorry.
00:11:53No, no, no.
00:11:54It's fine.
00:11:55Can you tell me how I can find Patrick Sullivan?
00:12:11You got 500 pounds.
00:12:12Yeah.
00:12:13She knocked you in the head with the skillet.
00:12:14The frying pan.
00:12:15Right.
00:12:16Patrick.
00:12:17Yeah.
00:12:18You're not going to believe this, but that home-wrecking lady
00:12:20from the radio just walked in here.
00:12:22Oh, I believe you.
00:12:23I'm so screwed.
00:12:24What is she doing here?
00:12:25I'm looking for Patrick Sullivan.
00:12:26I was told at the fire station he might be here.
00:12:28Right over there.
00:12:29He just looked over here.
00:12:30What are you having?
00:12:31Um, whatever he's having.
00:12:32Yeah, bring him right over.
00:12:33Yeah, bring him right over.
00:12:34It's walking right this way.
00:12:36He's taking his coat off.
00:12:38How do you do?
00:12:39It just looked at me again.
00:12:41It's coming over here.
00:12:42It's coming right for me.
00:12:43What does it want?
00:12:47Patrick Sullivan?
00:12:48You're not an easy man to find.
00:12:50I'm Emma Lloyd.
00:12:51He thinks I'm you.
00:12:52Help me out of here, huh?
00:12:53Hey, I, uh, I dropped my chalk.
00:12:55I'm Patrick Sullivan.
00:12:56This is my opponent, Larry Burleson.
00:12:58Oh, Mr. Sullivan?
00:12:59Mr. Burleson?
00:13:00How do you do?
00:13:01I'm here for the oddest of reasons.
00:13:02Well, we all are, sweetheart.
00:13:03You are.
00:13:04This might?
00:13:05Sure.
00:13:06Do you mind if I interrupt your game for just a moment?
00:13:07Yeah, knock yourself out.
00:13:08No, no, no.
00:13:09I didn't mean...
00:13:10Well, you don't play.
00:13:11Well, yes, I can, actually.
00:13:12You're in your stripes.
00:13:13Down the edge.
00:13:14No, no, Mr. Sullivan, I'm here to...
00:13:15You don't drink?
00:13:16You don't play pool?
00:13:17Perhaps I can get you an herbal tea.
00:13:22Night in the corner.
00:13:27Tony, we're gonna need another round over here.
00:13:28Mr. Sullivan?
00:13:29Yeah?
00:13:30No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:31It's certainly not your fault.
00:13:32It's still your shot.
00:13:33Um, all right.
00:13:34Well, how can I explain?
00:13:35You see, um...
00:13:36I'm about to be married.
00:13:37Oh, that was too bad.
00:13:38Congratulations on the whole other thing.
00:13:39Hey, hey, everybody.
00:13:40We got a bride in our midst, don't we?
00:13:41We need another round over here.
00:13:42Thank you about that.
00:13:43That won't be necessary.
00:13:44Oh, no, it's necessary.
00:13:45I feel a toast coming on.
00:13:46Wait a second.
00:13:47I know you.
00:13:48Excuse me?
00:13:49Yeah, yeah.
00:13:50Real love with Dr. Emma Lloyd.
00:13:51You're that lady I hear on the radio.
00:13:52Yes, of course.
00:13:53Yeah, you found me out.
00:13:54Have you ever been on television?
00:13:55Um, no, but I have a book coming out.
00:13:56I love television.
00:13:57You know, my girlfriend, she never misses your show.
00:13:59Oh, well, has it been helpful in your relationship?
00:14:01Oh, you have no idea.
00:14:02It's completely changed our lives.
00:14:03Oh, really?
00:14:04Yeah.
00:14:05That is so nice to hear.
00:14:06Totally.
00:14:07Here you go.
00:14:08To the bride, an ever-changing light.
00:14:09To the bride!
00:14:10Mr. Sullivan, as I was saying, you see, I'm about to be married.
00:14:12Thanks, Tony.
00:14:13Hey, Tony.
00:14:14Hey, Tony.
00:14:15Hey, Tony.
00:14:16Hey, Tony.
00:14:17Hey, Tony.
00:14:18Hey, Tony.
00:14:19Hey, Tony.
00:14:20Hey, Tony.
00:14:21Hey, Tony.
00:14:22Hey, Tony.
00:14:23Hey, Tony.
00:14:24Hey, Tony.
00:14:25Hey, Tony.
00:14:26Hey, Tony.
00:14:27Hey, Tony.
00:14:28Hey, Tony.
00:14:29Hey, Tony.
00:14:30Hey, Mary.
00:14:31Hey, you should be careful about that.
00:14:32You know 43% of marriages end in divorce?
00:14:34That's right.
00:14:35That's right.
00:14:36It's all about picking the right partner.
00:14:37That's so true.
00:14:38That's so true.
00:14:39In order to do that, my fiancé, Richard, and I, we need a license from the state of New
00:14:42York.
00:14:43You remember Richie from dispatch?
00:14:44Asshole.
00:14:45Come on.
00:14:46Right.
00:14:47So on an otherwise perfectly lovely morning, we go down to City Hall.
00:14:48Tamara and Richie.
00:14:49Emma and Richie.
00:14:50Richard.
00:14:51And I don't want any more.
00:14:53What am I trying to tell you?
00:14:54Hey, you're right.
00:14:55You know, you probably didn't want Richie to see y'all hammer before he wedding night.
00:14:57Hey, Tony.
00:14:58Where's that herbal tea over here?
00:14:59Herbal tea coming up.
00:15:00One for me, Tony.
00:15:01Oh!
00:15:02Very funny, Mr. Sullivan.
00:15:05Very funny.
00:15:06I'll have you know I don't get drunk.
00:15:07Oh, you don't?
00:15:08No.
00:15:09My father taught me a very good trick in regard to holding one's liquor.
00:15:11You simply recite the president's names in order.
00:15:14Hello?
00:15:15Forwards or backwards?
00:15:16Watch and learn, gentlemen.
00:15:18To Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, and Monroe.
00:15:22Carter!
00:15:23Carter!
00:15:24Reagan!
00:15:25Reagan!
00:15:26Reagan!
00:15:27Bush!
00:15:28Bush!
00:15:29Hey, do you think maybe we should pour you into a cab at this point?
00:15:32Maybe your fiancé's getting a little worried.
00:15:33Oh, yes, that's right.
00:15:34That is exactly what I came to talk to you about.
00:15:36Okay.
00:15:37Yes.
00:15:38Mr. Sullivan, it seems we're married.
00:15:40Come again?
00:15:41We are married!
00:15:44Don't you marry Richard?
00:15:46Exactly!
00:15:47I'm over here.
00:15:48Right.
00:15:49What is it?
00:15:50Uh, yes, it seems that we, I mean we, are the innocent victims of a glitch.
00:15:55Some computer somewhere, somehow, something, I don't know, has married us.
00:15:59A glitch?
00:16:00Mm-hmm.
00:16:01I'll say a big one.
00:16:03Oh, boy.
00:16:04So, um, if, um, you would just be so kind as just signing these papers, uh...
00:16:11Oh!
00:16:12Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:16:13Oh!
00:16:14Oh!
00:16:15Oh!
00:16:16Oh!
00:16:17Oh!
00:16:18Washington.
00:16:19Madison.
00:16:20Adamson.
00:16:21Oh, you're farming.
00:16:22Indeed I am.
00:16:23Oh, I always liked you guys.
00:16:28The bikes are out now.
00:16:30Yeah!
00:16:48Oh!
00:16:49Sorry about that.
00:17:03Oh!
00:17:04Oh!
00:17:05Oh!
00:17:06Oh!
00:17:07Oh!
00:17:08Oh!
00:17:09Oh!
00:17:10Oh!
00:17:11Oh!
00:17:12Oh!
00:17:13Oh!
00:17:27Oh!
00:17:28Oh, my God.
00:17:58I don't know.
00:18:28Oh, my God.
00:18:35Oh, my God.
00:18:38Oh, my God.
00:18:43Oh, my God.
00:18:45Ah!
00:18:50Ah!
00:18:53Zumbie?
00:18:56Oh, my God.
00:19:01Oh, my God.
00:19:06Oh, my God.
00:19:09Oh, my God.
00:19:13Good morning, Dr. Lloyd.
00:19:18Good morning.
00:19:21Oh, yeah.
00:19:25Oh, my.
00:19:33I need the emergency outfit.
00:19:35What?
00:19:36The emergency outfit.
00:19:37The outfit I keep for emergencies.
00:19:38I need it.
00:19:39Richard called six and a half times.
00:19:40The last time he hung up, I think he knew he was looking a little desperate.
00:19:42Is he worried about the ballenbacker takeover?
00:19:44Can you get it for me, please?
00:19:45On the phone?
00:19:46Why do you do that?
00:19:47Because it's fun.
00:19:48The outfit?
00:19:49Not here.
00:19:50I had a date.
00:19:51Did you know that we're not even remotely the same size?
00:19:54Richard.
00:19:55Aspirin.
00:19:56Coffee.
00:19:57Oh, and your father?
00:19:58Now.
00:19:59Please hold.
00:20:00Richard.
00:20:01Line one.
00:20:03Richard, sweetheart.
00:20:04I am so sorry.
00:20:05I didn't call.
00:20:06I was already in Queens, so I thought I'd stay at my father's and go for wedding stuff.
00:20:11And he brought you in this morning with your mom's wedding dress.
00:20:14You brought me back in this morning with my mom's wedding dress.
00:20:17And your father's here.
00:20:18She knows that.
00:20:19It's beautiful.
00:20:20Yes.
00:20:21I found Sullivan.
00:20:22Coffee well, of course.
00:20:23I'd love some.
00:20:24Aspirin.
00:20:25I've got the papers.
00:20:26You're welcome.
00:20:27No, no, not on me.
00:20:28Do you know where the coffee filter thing is?
00:20:29I don't work here.
00:20:30I know.
00:20:31They have to be notarized.
00:20:32Oh, sure.
00:20:33Don't worry about anything.
00:20:34I have everything under control.
00:20:35You have enough on your plate without having to worry about this.
00:20:38No, just don't.
00:20:39Emma.
00:20:40Your husband would like keywords with me?
00:20:41Who?
00:20:42Patrick Sullivan.
00:20:43Sweetheart, can you hold, please?
00:20:45Not a word.
00:20:46Mr. Sullivan?
00:20:47Yeah, hey.
00:20:48Let me get to the point.
00:20:49I believe I left some very important documents in your...
00:20:50Richard, phone.
00:20:51Can you just hold on one teeny tiny little second?
00:20:52Yeah, phone, yeah.
00:20:53Don't go away.
00:20:54Richard, sweetheart.
00:20:55I am so sorry to keep you holding.
00:20:56Yes.
00:20:57I'll explain everything at the cake tasting.
00:20:58But you promised.
00:20:59All right.
00:21:00Okay.
00:21:01Husband?
00:21:02Cell.
00:21:03Oh, Mr. Sullivan?
00:21:04Mr. Sullivan?
00:21:05Mr. Sullivan?
00:21:06Dr. Lilloyd's office?
00:21:07No.
00:21:08Wilder here.
00:21:09Mr. Sullivan, hello?
00:21:10It's your father on two?
00:21:11I've got to run, darling.
00:21:12See you later.
00:21:13Aren't you going to wait for your coffee, Wilder?
00:21:15Nobody's got that kind of stuff.
00:21:16I don't know what you think of.
00:21:18No, what you think of a thing about your coffee?
00:21:19No, I don't know if you're talking about your coffee.
00:21:20I don't know what you think of a coffee with a coffee.
00:21:22If I don't know if you're talking about your coffee,
00:21:24but I don't know if you're talking about a coffee.
00:21:25But you're not going to be talking about it.
00:21:26I don't know if I'm just kidding.
00:21:27Aren't you going to wait for your coffee, Wilder?
00:21:29Nobody's got that kind of tea.
00:21:30I don't know what you think you're smirking about, Wilder.
00:21:32No, no, honey, I'm just glad to see you're having some fun.
00:21:35Does it look like I'm having fun?
00:21:36Wait!
00:21:38You drove all the way in just to bring Mom's dress?
00:21:41Well, actually, I was hoping to lure you over to Bemelman's
00:21:45for a banana split like the old days.
00:21:47Bemelman's has been closed for ten years.
00:21:49Ah, well, my timing's always been a little off.
00:21:52Don't keep your husbands waiting.
00:21:54It's not what you think.
00:21:55Yeah, I know.
00:21:56Mr. Sullivan?
00:21:58Hey, hey.
00:21:58Thank you so much for calling back.
00:21:59No problem.
00:22:00Yes, in the foot.
00:22:01Excuse me?
00:22:01What do you want?
00:22:02Cars downstairs.
00:22:03You're late.
00:22:03Mr. Sullivan?
00:22:04Yeah.
00:22:05Yes.
00:22:05About last night.
00:22:06Yeah.
00:22:07What exactly happened?
00:22:08Well, I'll tell you this.
00:22:08You do one hell of a remedy.
00:22:10Uh-huh.
00:22:11So it's quite a night.
00:22:12Well, that doesn't sound like me at all.
00:22:13And that wasn't even the good part.
00:22:14What do you mean there wasn't the good part?
00:22:15I'm here.
00:22:16I'm here.
00:22:16You're where?
00:22:17Hey, I'm losing you.
00:22:18Hello?
00:22:20Can you hear me now?
00:22:21Look, forget last night.
00:22:22What I want is a rather large stack of papers that I need you to sign.
00:22:25I've got them right here.
00:22:26You do?
00:22:26Thanks.
00:22:27You made my day.
00:22:28Coffee?
00:22:31You know, I know a notary not far from here.
00:22:33Right now?
00:22:33I just had this appointment.
00:22:34It took me three months to get.
00:22:35That sounds important.
00:22:36It is.
00:22:37It's a cake tasting.
00:22:37Like I said, important stuff.
00:22:39It's the wedding cake, and she's Marilyn Hirshfield.
00:22:42She's a very respected cake maker.
00:22:43These appointments are very hard.
00:22:44I love cake.
00:22:45What are you doing?
00:22:45Well, scoot over.
00:22:46Hey!
00:22:48This cake is fantastic.
00:22:49Shh, please, please.
00:22:51Hey, can I get another slice to this one, please?
00:22:53I believe you've already tried the buttercream, sir.
00:22:55It's not me.
00:22:56It's my fiancée.
00:22:56She's on the fence about the buttercream.
00:22:58I am not.
00:22:59Hey, excuse me.
00:22:59You don't have any milk back there, do you?
00:23:00Sure.
00:23:01So after this, we go to the notary, right?
00:23:02Yeah, absolutely.
00:23:03Hey, how much is this?
00:23:04It's free, sir.
00:23:06Bullshit!
00:23:06It's free.
00:23:09Here you are, sir.
00:23:09Here's my milk.
00:23:11Would you like a sip?
00:23:12No, thank you.
00:23:13I'm not six.
00:23:15Holy crap.
00:23:17Cake down.
00:23:18I need a spoon.
00:23:19Oh, don't worry about it.
00:23:20I got this.
00:23:20And here we have our dark Belgian chocolate with vanilla mousse torques.
00:23:25That's awesome.
00:23:30Oh, my God.
00:23:31You know, if you mix these two together, it tastes just like a ring ding.
00:23:34Maybe I'll try this.
00:23:35No, no, no.
00:23:36No, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not a baby.
00:23:37And no, no, no, no.
00:23:39Ah.
00:23:39No.
00:23:40Ah.
00:23:41Huh?
00:23:42Huh?
00:23:44Hmm.
00:23:45It's yummy.
00:23:46It's super duper.
00:23:47Mm-hmm.
00:23:47Um, may I, um, may I have just one more glass of milk, please?
00:23:51Attagirl.
00:23:52Milk for my bride.
00:23:53In fact, milk's all around.
00:23:54Milk's all around.
00:23:56Hey, where are you ladies from?
00:23:58Germany.
00:23:59Wow.
00:23:59You must really like cake.
00:24:01Yeah, you gotta try this.
00:24:02And mix these two together.
00:24:03Hey, hey, can we get, uh, can we get some ring ding things for the gals over here, please?
00:24:07Darling, I am certain that everyone is being attended to.
00:24:09Baby, I got this covered.
00:24:10Don't you worry about it.
00:24:11Great.
00:24:12Quite a handful you got there.
00:24:14That is impulsive, unpredictable.
00:24:17You never know what he's gonna do next.
00:24:19Full of surprises.
00:24:20But that's the fun of it, though, isn't it?
00:24:23Of course it is.
00:24:24It is.
00:24:25Trust me.
00:24:25Oh.
00:24:27It reminds me of my husband when we first met.
00:24:29Everybody thought we were a total mismatch, but we had so much fun, and we still do 25 years later.
00:24:36Hey, what are you ladies talking about over here?
00:24:38I know.
00:24:38We're talking about the men in our lives.
00:24:40Ah, boys.
00:24:40Girls, stop.
00:24:41Never mind.
00:24:42How did you two meet?
00:24:43Oh, honey, you tell the story.
00:24:47You tell it a lot better than I do.
00:24:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:24:50No, you tell it.
00:24:51You're the good, uh, teller of it.
00:24:55All right, all right, sure.
00:24:56Uh, you ladies ever heard of pro wrestling?
00:24:58Stop!
00:24:59Kidder.
00:25:00Oh, he's such a kidder.
00:25:01Kidder.
00:25:02It was a, um, uh, a blind date.
00:25:05Oh.
00:25:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:06We were fixed up.
00:25:08Yes, that's right.
00:25:08Fixed up, but not with each other.
00:25:10It was two separate blind dates in the same bar.
00:25:13Both going terribly.
00:25:14Horribly.
00:25:15It makes you think about those people who set us up.
00:25:17Susie and Alan.
00:25:18Susie and Alan.
00:25:19What the hell did they know?
00:25:20I don't know.
00:25:21Anyway, I guess he noticed me.
00:25:23Well, I'm gonna come on.
00:25:25Look at her.
00:25:26A guy would have to be blind.
00:25:28Noticed me suffering on my bad date.
00:25:31And then the band started playing this song,
00:25:33and it was my favorite song.
00:25:35And suddenly he was next to me,
00:25:37and he asked me to dance,
00:25:38and I said yes.
00:25:40What was the song?
00:25:44The song?
00:25:45Mm-hmm.
00:25:45Oh, yeah, this song.
00:25:47Oh.
00:25:48Overnight scenes, dinner and wine,
00:25:51Saturday girls.
00:25:53I was never in love, never had the time.
00:25:56Honey, every woman in the world.
00:25:58Every woman in the world.
00:25:59Laughing myself to sleep.
00:26:01What?
00:26:01Waking up lonely.
00:26:02I needed someone to hold me up.
00:26:06Come on.
00:26:07Girl, you're every woman in the world.
00:26:10To me.
00:26:12You're my fantasy.
00:26:14You're my reality.
00:26:16That's it.
00:26:17Uh, that's the song.
00:26:18Okay.
00:26:25And that was totally off the top of my head, huh?
00:26:27Known each other for two hours,
00:26:28and we already got a song.
00:26:30We don't have a song.
00:26:31How long is this going to take?
00:26:43Emma Lloyd?
00:26:44Deepak Manam Chetavetti.
00:26:46Mr. Manam Chetavetti.
00:26:47Deep.
00:26:48Mr. Deep.
00:26:49I recognize you.
00:26:50You're the passed-out lady
00:26:51that Patrick carries around sometimes.
00:26:52Yes, that would be me.
00:26:55Ronnie Wilson.
00:26:56Oh, how very thoughtful.
00:26:59Do we have to do this right now?
00:27:01Mm-hmm.
00:27:04Delicious.
00:27:05It's not unlike a ring-ding.
00:27:06What did I tell you about the ring-ding?
00:27:08Yes, and I'm sure you'd really love a glass of milk with that,
00:27:10but I have to get home and change my book party,
00:27:12so if you don't mind, Mr. Deepak...
00:27:13Don't rush me, young lady.
00:27:14I'm an ordinary public.
00:27:15I took a test.
00:27:17Okay, I'm sorry.
00:27:17Um, how long do you think this will take?
00:27:20Well, let's just review, hmm?
00:27:21Well, now all you need is my seal,
00:27:32and you'll be on your way in ten minutes.
00:27:33Oh.
00:27:34An hour.
00:27:36A year.
00:27:38It'll take as long as it takes.
00:27:39Who can say?
00:27:40Well, is there anything you can do to hurry this up?
00:27:42I mean, I don't mind paying extra.
00:27:43Trying to bribe a public official?
00:27:45Oh, this is ridiculous.
00:27:46I'm late.
00:27:47I'm late, and I'll, uh, I'll send a messenger in the morning.
00:27:50I'm sure that will be more than enough time.
00:27:52Oh, hey, Monica, I could just bring by the office.
00:27:53Oh, no.
00:27:54I will send a messenger.
00:27:56Thank you, Mr. Sullivan, for your cooperation.
00:27:58Well, thank you for thanking me, Mrs. Sullivan.
00:28:02A year?
00:28:02Patrick, I'm out.
00:28:03Out.
00:28:03Look, you had your fun, but this is too far.
00:28:05You should be ashamed, a nice lady like that.
00:28:07I just, I wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine, period.
00:28:10And then I, I, I, I don't know.
00:28:13She's starting to grow on me.
00:28:14No.
00:28:15Look, no growing, okay?
00:28:17No, no growing on anyone, by anyone.
00:28:19No knees weakened, no shines taken to, none of it.
00:28:23Not on my watch.
00:28:25Now go.
00:28:27You and Ajay have caused enough trouble.
00:28:30Out.
00:28:32Dr. Lloyd, this way, please.
00:28:34Dr. Lloyd?
00:28:35Dr. Lloyd, this guy.
00:28:37Mile, please.
00:28:38Oh, beautiful.
00:28:39Thank you very much.
00:28:39I'm relieved to say it.
00:28:40Mile, I'm mile.
00:28:42Over here, eye contact, please.
00:28:42Very nice.
00:28:43Thank you very much.
00:28:44Come on.
00:28:45I'm just right, please.
00:28:47And where's Richard?
00:28:48Right over there.
00:28:49Thanks.
00:28:51Not too shabby, yeah?
00:28:53No, no, it's wonderful.
00:28:55I can't believe it.
00:28:55Signed, these.
00:28:55Mr. Bracken, Dr. Lloyd.
00:28:57I have so much to tell you.
00:29:00Did you get the papers?
00:29:00Um, they're at the dotary.
00:29:02Excellent.
00:29:03Well, I'll look at that later.
00:29:03Carl Bollenbeck is here.
00:29:04Make that up to him.
00:29:05Oh?
00:29:05No, he wasn't coming.
00:29:06He was coming.
00:29:07He's like, good or bad, do you think?
00:29:08Oh, how can he be back?
00:29:09He hasn't even met you.
00:29:11You look stunning.
00:29:13What happened to your head?
00:29:13Oh, this bird accident.
00:29:15Pigeon flew into me.
00:29:16I'll take care of it.
00:29:20Emma?
00:29:20Oh, yes, hi.
00:29:21Nice to see you, Dr. Lennon.
00:29:23Hi, Judy.
00:29:29No sooner do we leave you,
00:29:30then bang, I see your picture big on a bus.
00:29:33Oh, from the cake tasting.
00:29:35I felt so foolish.
00:29:37I went and bought your book immediately.
00:29:39Oh, that was unnecessary.
00:29:40And later, I was reading your very sensible observation
00:29:43and your clinical judgments.
00:29:45Are they good things?
00:29:46Oh, I'm sure some people find them very useful.
00:29:48But I was surprised that a helpless romantic
00:29:51can give such practical advice.
00:29:53Me?
00:29:53Helpless?
00:29:54Oh, yes, you.
00:29:55Hopelessly helpless.
00:29:56But let me finish.
00:29:57So, my husband, Carl, returns to the home
00:30:00and on top of his paper,
00:30:02there is the invitation to this very party.
00:30:05Isn't it amazing?
00:30:07When you say Carl, do you mean Carl Bollenbecher?
00:30:10It's a small world, isn't it?
00:30:13Yes.
00:30:14Teeny.
00:30:15Like a marble.
00:30:17Or a gumball.
00:30:17I had to drag Carl by the ear to come here.
00:30:20Oh, well, it is a girly book.
00:30:22Oh, no, it's not that.
00:30:23Carl can be very girly.
00:30:24Only that he doesn't like to socialize
00:30:26with someone whose company intends to liquidate.
00:30:29Liquidate?
00:30:31Who?
00:30:32Richard?
00:30:32Yes, but we can fix that.
00:30:34After this party,
00:30:35you and Richard will join us for dinner.
00:30:38If Carl sees the man I saw,
00:30:40Abingdon thought we'd be safe, I'm sure.
00:30:42Oh, well, that is unbelievably kind of you.
00:30:47But you see, Richard and I made plans,
00:30:49and so we're supposed to...
00:30:50There's only one thing you're supposed to do, Emma,
00:30:52and it's to bring your fiancé to dinner.
00:30:54Let's find Richard.
00:30:55Carl is waking.
00:31:01Oh, oh, my husband hates you,
00:31:03but you saved our marriage.
00:31:04Do you mind?
00:31:05Not at all.
00:31:06Who shall I make it out to?
00:31:07To Richard!
00:31:08Um, thank you.
00:31:16Oh, hey, hey, Emma, I brought the papers.
00:31:18Richard, sweetheart.
00:31:20Please go with me on this.
00:31:21Do you remember credit ballenbecker?
00:31:24It's a cake lady.
00:31:25It's a small world.
00:31:27So small, constantly shrinking.
00:31:28It must be the global warming.
00:31:30I want to introduce her to my husband.
00:31:33Her husband, Carl, is Carl Ballenbecker
00:31:34of the Ballenbecker Group,
00:31:35which just acquired Richard's your publishing house,
00:31:37and he's thinking of tumping you, Richard, and it.
00:31:40Wait, I want a publishing house.
00:31:41Yes, and you're my fiancé,
00:31:43so please just focus, concentrate, get it?
00:31:46This is him.
00:31:49You must be the cake, Duncan.
00:31:51You got me.
00:31:52That's my Richard.
00:31:55Casual fighters?
00:31:56Uh, I actually just came from soccer practice.
00:31:58You play football?
00:31:59Well, I want to be Podolsky.
00:32:01Podolsky!
00:32:02Well, no one can be Podolsky.
00:32:04I own his team,
00:32:05and we have a magnificent pain in the ass.
00:32:07But a genius.
00:32:08You own the Baron Munchen Club?
00:32:10Why don't you close a moron on defense?
00:32:12He's been totally underutilized.
00:32:13Yeah, that's what I tell that stupid coach.
00:32:15Twinsman, gotta go.
00:32:16Unzist me ugly.
00:32:17Excuse me, Mr. Ballenbecker, my name's...
00:32:19Ow!
00:32:19Jesus, Emma, what the hell?
00:32:20Hand nuggies.
00:32:21We give each other these little hand nuggies.
00:32:23This is my brother, Carl.
00:32:26Your name is Carl as well?
00:32:28This is a small world.
00:32:29Yes, teeny, like a gimlet.
00:32:30Yes, my tiny, teeny little brother,
00:32:32but not small.
00:32:33No, big, older, but not that much.
00:32:36Carl, who I love so very, very much.
00:32:39How's it going, bro?
00:32:41I'm sorry.
00:32:43I'm suddenly so very thirsty.
00:32:44Carl?
00:32:45Carl?
00:32:46Carl.
00:32:46Carl.
00:32:47This is Carl Ballenbeck,
00:32:48and I'm Greta's wife,
00:32:50and we're so charmed by your sister.
00:32:52And your outspoken fiancé
00:32:54who seems to find fault
00:32:55with every player in the Bundesliga.
00:32:57Ah, but now Podolsky.
00:32:58Ah, but never Podolsky.
00:33:02So, you sound English,
00:33:04but your sister...
00:33:05Incredible as name.
00:33:06Yes, but we wrote that.
00:33:06Can I borrow Amish from it?
00:33:07I'm sorry.
00:33:08Ah!
00:33:10Hanugi!
00:33:13Who's the man out there pretending to be me?
00:33:14I've explained everything.
00:33:15He's wearing sweatpants.
00:33:17That's Sullivan.
00:33:17Honey, you're stress-eating.
00:33:19I'm not.
00:33:19Huh?
00:33:19I wasn't at my father's last night.
00:33:21I was with Sullivan.
00:33:22Not with him, with him,
00:33:23but passed out in his apartment drunk.
00:33:24That sounds worse than it is.
00:33:25I assure you, I was really close.
00:33:27Beyond that, I'm not really certain of anything,
00:33:29except that he showed up today with the papers
00:33:30right when I had to go to the cake tasting,
00:33:31which you refuse to go to because you're so busy.
00:33:33Get back to the Ballenbecker.
00:33:34As if I'm not, as if I'm just...
00:33:35Right, fine.
00:33:36So, at the cake tasting,
00:33:38there was this sweet lady,
00:33:40and she thought Sullivan was my fiancé,
00:33:41and I just couldn't disappoint her.
00:33:44But this lady wasn't sweet at all.
00:33:45She was Mrs. Ballenbecker,
00:33:47which I didn't know.
00:33:48Well, you certainly know now.
00:33:50Yes, yes, I do.
00:33:51But had I known it,
00:33:51I wouldn't have let the whole thing continue.
00:33:53But it did continue.
00:33:54Until everyone was quite taken with him,
00:33:56especially Mrs. Ballenbecker,
00:33:57especially when he sang.
00:33:58He's a singer?
00:33:59No, no, no, no, no.
00:34:00He's a fireman.
00:34:01Darling, are you sure you want that?
00:34:03Yes, yes, I am.
00:34:04But what is he doing here?
00:34:06Well, apparently he came to bring me the notarized papers.
00:34:08But then there was Mrs. Ballenbecker,
00:34:10and of course I'm Emma Lloyd,
00:34:11and so he's my fiancé.
00:34:13And I am tiny brother Carl.
00:34:15Oh, Richard, I'm terribly sorry.
00:34:17But, oh, look, mini cupcakes.
00:34:19Look, Emma, I only got about half of what you're saying,
00:34:23but there still seems to be something
00:34:25that could be cleaned up quite easily.
00:34:26So look for you harpoons.
00:34:27What is left of my reputation?
00:34:29I am going to go in there and help me.
00:34:29No, no, no, no, no, you can't.
00:34:31They're going to exterminate you.
00:34:32What?
00:34:33Not you, Abington folks.
00:34:34Not exterminate.
00:34:35Terminate.
00:34:36No, liquidate.
00:34:37That's it.
00:34:37Yes.
00:34:37Shop reppin' little pieces.
00:34:38Sell it all off.
00:34:39Everything must go.
00:34:40That's why Carl wasn't coming.
00:34:42But he did come!
00:34:43Because Mrs. B made him come.
00:34:44She made him come so he could meet you.
00:34:47Oh, look, I think he's really starting to like you.
00:34:51Oh, all right, then.
00:34:52Let me think, Carl.
00:34:54Manu has so many entities,
00:34:55I can buy at least another year
00:34:56before our piles have to cross,
00:34:57so we just have to get through this.
00:34:58What are we talking about?
00:34:59A few more minutes, right?
00:34:59And a dinner tonight.
00:35:01It was Mrs. B's idea
00:35:02so that Carl could get to know you a little better.
00:35:05He's gone.
00:35:05Carl?
00:35:06No, Sullivan. He's gone.
00:35:07But for dinner?
00:35:08Well, get him there!
00:35:09Oh.
00:35:15Is Sullivan even in here?
00:35:16I don't see how he'd fit.
00:35:17Not now, Marcy.
00:35:22Find the Lioness Within.
00:35:23Oh, now you've read my book.
00:35:26Mr. Sullivan, Emma Lloyd here.
00:35:28Here's the deal.
00:35:30My entire career
00:35:31and my marriage to Richard
00:35:32probably are at stake here.
00:35:36Frankly, I need you.
00:35:37I really need you.
00:35:38Tonight.
00:35:40Tonight.
00:35:46Oh my God.
00:36:01Oh my God.
00:36:03You got hit by a cab?
00:36:05Good. Nice touch.
00:36:06What hospital are you in?
00:36:08I'll be right there.
00:36:09He was hit by a cab.
00:36:10Who was hit by a cab?
00:36:13Who's that?
00:36:15Oh!
00:36:16So it was only your foot.
00:36:17And you're fine.
00:36:18You promise?
00:36:19Oh.
00:36:21Carl, he got a cab.
00:36:23Ran over his foot.
00:36:24Yeah.
00:36:26Carl, can't catch a break.
00:36:27Drink lots of cocoa.
00:36:28Bye-bye, darling.
00:36:29Richard,
00:36:30I was beginning to think
00:36:32a man who would leave his fiancée
00:36:34unattended for so long
00:36:35might not be as charming as I imagined.
00:36:38But,
00:36:39no matter.
00:36:40Please,
00:36:41join us for dessert.
00:36:43Carl,
00:36:44look,
00:36:45I know how important this dinner is
00:36:46to my future
00:36:47with the Ballenbecker group.
00:36:49But,
00:36:50you see,
00:36:50I've got this
00:36:50family thing.
00:36:52And where I come from,
00:36:53family comes first.
00:36:55So,
00:36:55I'm just here to
00:36:56invite you to a party.
00:37:00Could be a lot of fun.
00:37:02Two family.
00:37:03Two family.
00:37:04Two family.
00:37:05Two family.
00:37:05Three family.
00:37:22Come down here.
00:37:29Uncle the man
00:37:30take his knees.
00:37:31There's a man.
00:37:35What's with all the white people?
00:37:3740 crashes.
00:37:39You mean that one?
00:37:41That one's for me.
00:37:43Come on, man.
00:37:45Let's get up there.
00:37:47Where are we at?
00:37:49I'm a party.
00:37:51I'm a party.
00:37:53I'm a party.
00:37:55I'm a party.
00:37:57I'm a party.
00:37:59I'm a party.
00:38:01Om tamaswaha.
00:38:03Om Narayana.
00:38:05Om.
00:38:07Om.
00:38:13Om.
00:38:15Ujutyan jatavidasam.
00:38:17Devam titram devanam.
00:38:19Mudagadhanikam.
00:38:21Yagno pavitam.
00:38:23Paramam pavitram.
00:38:25Praja pateryat.
00:38:27Sahajam purasthad.
00:38:29Ayushyam agram.
00:38:31Patimuntasubram.
00:38:33Yagno pavitam.
00:38:35Balamas tutejah.
00:38:37Oh, I love my husband.
00:38:41But he snorts at night.
00:38:43It's real.
00:38:45My lovely husband snows all the time.
00:38:47I use a tight slag.
00:38:49Tight slag.
00:38:51Really cute.
00:38:53I know.
00:38:55Check your menu for hidden messages, ladies.
00:38:57See, it's part of the tradition.
00:38:59Back when marriages were arranged,
00:39:01the groom would search his bride's painted body
00:39:03on their wedding night just to find his initials.
00:39:05That's naughty.
00:39:07We eventually have to see you.
00:39:09Hey!
00:39:13Hey!
00:39:15Hey!
00:39:17Hey!
00:39:19Hey!
00:39:21Hey!
00:39:23Hey!
00:39:25Hey!
00:39:27Hey!
00:39:29Hey!
00:39:31Let's go.
00:40:01To reach Allah
00:40:24Did I happen to say thank you?
00:40:26You did, and you're welcome.
00:40:31You're not the person I thought you were, Patrick Sullivan.
00:40:34Likewise, Dr. Moy.
00:40:40I can't. I have to go.
00:40:51Wilder, it's me. Can you come get me?
00:41:01Hey.
00:41:04Hey.
00:41:05Got any beer?
00:41:07You did good tonight.
00:41:09Thanks.
00:41:10Give us a little song.
00:41:21You got to tell her, man.
00:41:24Girls are way into honesty.
00:41:28Hey.
00:41:29Got any beer?
00:41:31There's a limit to your love
00:41:35You gotta tell, Ariana, girls are way into honesty.
00:41:40All right. Good night, you two.
00:41:47Honestly, Wilder, I mean, what am I doing?
00:41:49Running around Queens in the middle of the night,
00:41:51crashing Indian bar mitzvahs two weeks before my wedding
00:41:54with a man who is technically my husband.
00:41:56Beats me, um...
00:41:58You like another one?
00:41:59Mm, yeah.
00:42:01These extra eggs.
00:42:03Thank you, Daddy.
00:42:03Mm-hmm.
00:42:05I wish Mom were here.
00:42:06Yeah, me too.
00:42:07She'd know exactly what to tell you, wouldn't she?
00:42:10Well, you're doing all right, actually.
00:42:13You still make a mean breakfast.
00:42:14I will second that.
00:42:15He also makes amazing smoothies.
00:42:18Is there still time for one?
00:42:19Um, no.
00:42:21Lauren, this is Emma.
00:42:22Emma! Oh, my God.
00:42:24My mom loves you.
00:42:26I listen to your show, too, but I don't have a radio.
00:42:28Which reminds me, is there a mall around here?
00:42:30Or, like, a Best Buy or something?
00:42:31Oh.
00:42:32It's a Toys R Us.
00:42:34Maybe they'll have something for her.
00:42:35Nice to meet you.
00:42:36Wilder, it's been late.
00:42:38Um, excuse us.
00:42:41Is there something wrong with you?
00:42:42No, no, nothing.
00:42:44I'm just late, and I have to go meet Richard, so...
00:42:47Don't jump to conclusions, all right?
00:42:49Oh.
00:42:49Thanks for breakfast, Wilder.
00:42:52Sorry I can't stick around for the smoothie.
00:42:54You don't know everything there is to know, by the way.
00:42:57No.
00:42:58Like some things never get old, and, um...
00:43:00Like ours here.
00:43:01Look, this time you're really wrong, Emma.
00:43:04You are.
00:43:07Goodbye, Wilder.
00:43:10Bye, sweetheart.
00:43:10Daddy loves you, nonetheless.
00:43:21The gulfty white is stylish, but, um, I just...
00:43:24It's been done.
00:43:26And it's not as common as the picket fence white,
00:43:28which is safe, but I just feel it's a bit boring.
00:43:31And you see, the Navajo white is bolder,
00:43:33but sort of in-your-face white.
00:43:35I don't know.
00:43:35Um, they all look the same to me.
00:43:37Hmm.
00:43:38In what way?
00:43:39In that they're all white.
00:43:41Yes, but different.
00:43:42I mean, wildly different.
00:43:46Are you not going to ask me about last night?
00:43:48Well, I assumed it went pretty well.
00:43:50Ollenbecker group just renewed my contract
00:43:52another five years, thanks to you.
00:43:54Now, all we need to do is file those papers
00:43:55and we can put this whole thing behind us.
00:43:57Um, well...
00:44:01I don't have the papers.
00:44:06What's going on, eh?
00:44:07I don't know.
00:44:08He had them at the book signing
00:44:09and then somewhere between the dinner
00:44:11in the Paryana,
00:44:12Indian bar mitzvah, don't ask,
00:44:14I misplaced them.
00:44:16I had them in my hands.
00:44:17Don't worry about it.
00:44:18It's so unlikely.
00:44:20It's all right.
00:44:21I'm going to take care of everything from now on.
00:44:26Here's the thing.
00:44:26A white lie is still a lie.
00:44:28I mean, maybe a subtler shade of truth,
00:44:29but anyone who's really looking
00:44:30can see it painted on the wall.
00:44:32So you're saying I should tell him the truth?
00:44:34What I'm saying is that a cream-colored,
00:44:35ivory-hued, matte-finished,
00:44:37half-truth will erode
00:44:38the foundation of your relationship.
00:44:41I know you're getting married soon, right?
00:44:44Yep.
00:44:45That's right.
00:44:46Your fiancé must be a lucky man
00:44:47to know he has you to keep him honest.
00:44:49We're both very lucky.
00:44:52Brother Carl!
00:44:53I didn't know you played.
00:44:55Let's talk to bullshit, shall we?
00:44:57It's Richard.
00:44:58Richard Braxton, as you well know.
00:45:00Patrick Sullivan, as you well know.
00:45:02Without a word,
00:45:03practically family.
00:45:04You behave like a real gentleman
00:45:05over a...
00:45:06another odd period.
00:45:08Emma tells me you did me a good turn last night.
00:45:10I appreciate that.
00:45:11It was fun.
00:45:13Now I'm afraid I have to play the spoilsport
00:45:14and just ask for those papers
00:45:15so we can go our separate ways.
00:45:17Why don't you tell Emma
00:45:17I'll bring her by the office?
00:45:18No, that's not going to happen.
00:45:20Why's that?
00:45:21She and I have a life together
00:45:22which doesn't include you,
00:45:23and I want to keep it that way.
00:45:24So I'm asking you man to man
00:45:26not to see her,
00:45:28call her,
00:45:29text her?
00:45:29I'm not much of a text her.
00:45:32Well, somebody in your circle
00:45:34seems to have a gift for technology.
00:45:36What do you mean?
00:45:38The more I look into this glitch,
00:45:40as Emma calls it,
00:45:41the less accidental it seems.
00:45:43You might be technologically challenged,
00:45:45but can you think of anyone close to you
00:45:46who might be able to pull this off?
00:45:50Not off the top of my head, no.
00:45:54Well, I intend to find out who did this.
00:45:57So long ago.
00:46:26I'm not listening to you.
00:46:28I'm not listening to you.
00:46:28I'm not listening to you.
00:46:29I'm not listening to you.
00:46:29I'm not listening to you.
00:46:30I'm not listening to you.
00:46:31What have you been there?
00:46:32You've all been there.
00:46:32I mean, it's not something on this purpose.
00:46:34Well, she sounds like a crush.
00:46:35Since you're a grown woman,
00:46:37let's call an insaturation.
00:46:38Far bigger problem than what happened.
00:46:40You're dreaming.
00:46:41Wake up, girl.
00:46:42Do you share the same vision in the future?
00:46:44And you have to ask yourself a question, okay?
00:46:47Smart, successful, beautiful woman
00:46:48cannot live on dreams alone.
00:46:50You may think that every human is learning commonality
00:46:52in the future.
00:46:53It doesn't matter.
00:46:54Take a look at how to go to business in chapter 7.
00:46:58Thank you, doctor.
00:47:01Thank you, caller.
00:47:03Hi, you're on the air.
00:47:05I'm reading your book, too, Dr. Boyd.
00:47:07Would you call this a self-help book,
00:47:08or does that term offend?
00:47:10Not in the least.
00:47:11Who does it help, exactly?
00:47:13Well, it...
00:47:14See, the thing is,
00:47:17I, uh, I haven't gotten to the helpful part yet.
00:47:21Perhaps you're a slow reader.
00:47:23But, you see,
00:47:23it doesn't tell you how to find somebody to love,
00:47:25or how you get somebody to love you back.
00:47:28All it does is tell you
00:47:29what's wrong with the person you're in love with,
00:47:31and that, to me,
00:47:32well, that's not very helpful.
00:47:34Well, perhaps it is you
00:47:35who are wrong for the person
00:47:36you think you are right for.
00:47:37Did you think of that, caller?
00:47:38What is it you think you know about me
00:47:39that would make you say that?
00:47:40I don't know anything about you.
00:47:42Yeah, you bet you don't.
00:47:43That's right, I don't.
00:47:44But since you called,
00:47:44here's some advice.
00:47:45Maybe instead of blaming others for your problems,
00:47:47you should consider looking at yourself.
00:47:49I'm looking right at my problem.
00:47:51Well, stop fogging up the mirror.
00:47:55Nice.
00:47:56Did you just hang up on a caller?
00:47:58No, no, no.
00:47:59I did not just hang up on a caller.
00:48:01No, hello, hello.
00:48:02Uh, hello.
00:48:03Ah, I think we've been disconnected.
00:48:06It must be those cell phones,
00:48:07those nasty cell phones.
00:48:09Well, thanks to my caller for calling,
00:48:11and I will be seeing you tomorrow
00:48:13for the next Real Love with Dr. Emma Lloyd.
00:48:16Are you crazy?
00:48:21How dare you come to my place of work
00:48:22and make prank calls?
00:48:23No, I was just flipping through this thing
00:48:25and I thought it was so full of crap
00:48:26that maybe I ought to frigging call in.
00:48:28Oh, I seem to have to buy my book.
00:48:30No, I stole it from your parties.
00:48:31I stole it, that makes sense.
00:48:33Yeah, and I took your little compatibility quiz.
00:48:35Really, how did you do?
00:48:36Well, according to this,
00:48:37my lifestyle is wholly unsuitable
00:48:38to any freak who would buy or write a book like this.
00:48:41I'm surprised those just don't lie.
00:48:44New York City Fire Department, ladies and gentlemen.
00:48:46Official business.
00:48:47I ask you to please exit the elevator.
00:48:49Come on, ladies.
00:48:50Sir, thank you.
00:48:50What are you doing?
00:48:52Unsuitable?
00:48:54Is that really what you think of me?
00:48:58I don't think of you.
00:49:01I'll see unsuitable.
00:49:02Hey, security, what's the story with the elevator?
00:49:23Holy moly.
00:49:24My wife loves her show.
00:49:25I can't even get a guy to hold a door for me.
00:49:29Ma'am, I'd like to ask you to step back, please.
00:49:31Can you fix the focus on that, please?
00:49:33Yeah.
00:49:34I'll zoom in a little bit for you.
00:49:35There you go.
00:49:38All right, I've had enough of this.
00:49:39Excuse me.
00:49:40Sir?
00:49:40Doctor?
00:49:42Doctor?
00:49:44I'm going to have to ask you to please stop.
00:49:46Stop what you're doing.
00:49:47Come down to the lobby immediately.
00:49:49Stop it.
00:49:50Stop it now, please.
00:49:51Sorry about that.
00:50:19Which part exactly?
00:50:19Kissing you, I think.
00:50:20Oh, well, we just got caught up.
00:50:22Carried away.
00:50:23Lost our heads.
00:50:26I'm getting married.
00:50:30Yeah.
00:50:33You love him?
00:50:35I only ask this because being that I'm your husband and you're my wife,
00:50:40I have this vested interest in seeing you happy.
00:50:45I want to be happy.
00:50:46Don't you?
00:50:47What is happiness anyway?
00:50:53I don't know.
00:50:54Tell me.
00:50:55You wrote the book.
00:50:56I guess I don't know.
00:50:57Patrick ain't.
00:50:58Patrick.
00:51:10It was nice being married to you.
00:51:13You too.
00:51:19Thanks.
00:51:20Bye, Emma.
00:51:20Bye, Emma.
00:51:50Come on.
00:52:12I'm sorry I'm late.
00:52:14I know, I'm always so prompt, and-
00:52:15Larynx, don't worry, when I arrived,
00:52:17I told them to bring the drunken.
00:52:19I told them to bring the drinks in ten minutes just how's that the timing oh the day you've no idea
00:52:25actually I kind of do I heard your show today that was Sullivan I take it yes the good news is
00:52:33I got the papers everything but page 127 and I'm sure it's in there somewhere we'll never
00:52:39see him again so why don't you look happy I am well I've got something that might cheer you up
00:52:48Harry Winston finished our rings and have a look well circle of eternity came out great anything
00:52:58no it didn't mind wrong you talk about this perfect it says do I do I do I not I do I do I do
00:53:08you know Em I think you're under a tremendous amount of stress at the moment it's not stress
00:53:22Richard I just don't know I'm really confused well I'm not confused Em I know exactly what I want I
00:53:30think you and I are the perfect team never doubted it for a moment but I am NOT gonna talk you into
00:53:37marrying me so I suggest you take a few days and figure out what it is you want in fact why don't
00:53:42begin that right now Richard yeah we had a really nice time you know good conversation he was kind
00:53:51of sweet and funny but I don't know there was something missing there was no spark exactly yeah
00:53:57caller let me tell you something about sparks sparks cause fires and fires will burn your house down you
00:54:03know so if you keep searching for good old Sparky you know you sure to get burned trust me on that okay
00:54:12well dark your girlfriend's wearing my robe actually this girlfriend's daughter is wearing a robe
00:54:29hello Emma aren't you my so um why the big secret well I wanted to tell you but your father thought
00:54:40you wouldn't hire me as the caterer if you knew we were dating dating is that what you call it well
00:54:44that or this is an elaborate ruse of yours to get out of paying my bill you've been worth every penny
00:54:49of it huh there you go again always saying the perfect thing you've been together for almost a
00:54:55year why didn't you tell me well you've met so many women over the years I thought maybe I'd end
00:55:00off from this intersection until we were sure of each other and are we why I can't even keep track of all
00:55:07the things I've misunderstood dad I know I never asked you but um what do you think of Richard do you
00:55:21like him well sure honey what's not to like he's perfect isn't he is that a compliment you don't need
00:55:29compliments for me I've never told you how to live or who to date that's all that's been in your
00:55:34department right so what if I'm uh losing my footing in my department and I'm asking for a
00:55:39second opinion well I think Richard is a a good safe bet you know I mean he's exactly the kind of
00:55:50guy that you've always gravitated toward and advised other women to pursue isn't he probably the type of
00:55:56fella that my brand of fatherhood pushed you into look honey I mean I've made some big mistakes in my
00:56:04life some real whoppers but if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have been able to recognize the real thing
00:56:09when it came along you don't have to be so right all the time you know it's okay to make a couple mistakes
00:56:15can't you see that she's not here to eat or watch telly or chit chat she's come for the man
00:56:38she loves you all with your come come and your sit sit and your eat eat you're standing in the
00:56:43course of true love stand aside I say through the beads up the stairs two flights yeah it's raining
00:57:00I think I called off my wedding
00:57:23am I I need to tell you something
00:57:33what
00:57:39it can wait
00:57:42be
00:57:52oh
00:57:55you
00:58:01you
00:58:08you
00:58:08How's it going in there, babe?
00:58:36Great.
00:58:38We're having toast.
00:58:39We'll be out in a minute.
00:58:41You're my fantasy, my reality.
00:59:09Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:59:16What is this?
00:59:18And this?
00:59:19And this?
00:59:20What are you, some kind of sick stalker?
00:59:22No, Emma, it's not what you think.
00:59:23Emma!
00:59:24Emma, Emma, wait.
00:59:25I can't believe this.
00:59:26I saw the invitations.
00:59:27And you're married?
00:59:28No, no, I'm not married.
00:59:30Liar.
00:59:31Stay away from me.
00:59:32Emma!
00:59:33Emma, I can explain.
00:59:34Yeah?
00:59:35What?
00:59:36But this is no accident?
00:59:37There's no glitch?
00:59:38No, you.
00:59:39You are the glitch.
00:59:40You Googled me.
00:59:41Invaded my life.
00:59:42Invaded my privacy.
00:59:43Ruined my relationship.
00:59:45I almost called off my wedding for you.
00:59:48I trusted you.
00:59:49I had sex with you.
00:59:51I almost you're some sort of con man, scam artist, deranged band.
00:59:55You know what?
00:59:56Don't flatter yourself.
00:59:57What have I done?
00:59:58I mean, Richard warned me about you.
00:59:59I warn people about men like you every day.
01:00:01All right, stop.
01:00:02Come on, stop.
01:00:03Emma, stop.
01:00:04I'm worsening my own collars.
01:00:06Can I show you something?
01:00:08Please?
01:00:13Do you know her?
01:00:16No, I don't.
01:00:17Yeah, you don't.
01:00:18Come here.
01:00:21That's Sophia.
01:00:22As in, you're cordially invited to the marriage of Patrick Thomas Sullivan and Sophia Adelia Maria Chichagua.
01:00:27She's Dominican.
01:00:28We met on the job.
01:00:29She must blow her bill and polish those goddamn nails of hers.
01:00:32I carried her down 15 flights of stairs and sat next to her hospital bed until she woke up.
01:00:36But does this have to do with me?
01:00:38Did I mention she was a really big fan of your show?
01:00:40I listen to it every day.
01:00:41In fact, one day she called in.
01:00:43You probably don't remember.
01:00:44No, I don't.
01:00:45You told her to call off the wedding, Emma.
01:00:47Patrick, how can...
01:00:48Someone you don't know and can't even remember,
01:00:51and you changed her life and mine forever.
01:00:55I guess I wanted to educate you about that.
01:00:57About what it's like to have your life ripped out from under you.
01:01:00I wanted to knock you down a peg.
01:01:05You did.
01:01:07Emma, I...
01:01:08Goodbye, Patrick.
01:01:09Emma.
01:01:10Emma.
01:01:11Emma.
01:01:21It's beautiful.
01:01:22Just thinking how...
01:01:23How it's too big for me without you here.
01:01:27Are you here?
01:01:28I feel happy.
01:01:29You mean you still want to get married?
01:01:30You mean you still want to get married?
01:01:31I do.
01:01:32I do.
01:01:33I do.
01:01:34I do.
01:01:35I do.
01:01:36I do.
01:01:37I do.
01:01:38I do.
01:01:39As many of you have heard, I'm getting married.
01:01:40People keep asking me if I'm nervous.
01:01:42But I'm not.
01:01:43My eyes are open and what I see is not the man in my dreams, but the man in my room.
01:01:44I do.
01:01:45I do.
01:01:46I do.
01:01:47I do.
01:01:48As many of you have heard, I'm getting married.
01:01:50People keep asking me if I'm nervous.
01:01:51But I'm not.
01:01:52My eyes are open and what I see is not the man in my dreams, but the man in my room.
01:01:56I do.
01:01:57I do.
01:01:58I do.
01:01:59I do.
01:02:00As many of you have heard, I'm getting married.
01:02:03People keep asking me if I'm nervous.
01:02:04Well, I'm not.
01:02:05My eyes are open and what I see is not the man of my dreams, but the man in my reality.
01:02:10He's who he says he is.
01:02:11He's there where he's supposed to be.
01:02:14If you want to close your eyes, hold your breath and jump in, try the high diving board
01:02:17at the YMCA.
01:02:18I feel it all.
01:02:19I feel it all.
01:02:20You know there's an entire generation of people who are like, who are you?
01:02:21I feel it all.
01:02:22You know there's an entire generation of men and women roaming New York City in search
01:02:28of the Holy Grail dream partner.
01:02:30But until we learn the difference between romantic love and real love, we're just searching
01:02:36in vain for something that doesn't even exist.
01:02:39Here we are.
01:02:41Till next time.
01:02:43I'll be the one who'll break my heart.
01:02:47I'll be the one to hope again.
01:02:51I know more than I knew before.
01:02:56I know more than I knew before.
01:03:01I didn't rest.
01:03:02I didn't stop.
01:03:06Did we fight?
01:03:07Did we talk?
01:03:09Ooh, I'll be the one who'll break my heart.
01:03:15You have to ask yourself a serious question.
01:03:17Couples shouldn't feel they have anything to hide.
01:03:19Play with fire?
01:03:20You're gonna get burned.
01:03:21Is he responsible?
01:03:22He'll be dependable.
01:03:23I can't trust what you merely lust.
01:03:24Does he give you a stable universe?
01:03:25Your love has to be earned, not yearned.
01:03:27You gotta stop obsessing about this old girlfriend of his, okay?
01:03:29Got it?
01:03:30Alright.
01:03:31Next caller.
01:03:32Hard decision.
01:03:33Am I right?
01:03:34Well, caller.
01:03:35Trust me on that, alright?
01:03:36Next caller.
01:03:37Based on what?
01:03:38I don't know.
01:03:39What do you want from me?
01:03:40But real love is just a theory, right?
01:03:42Yeah, a theory, yes.
01:03:44But based on ten years of research and study,
01:03:46a sociological, psychosexual, statistical analysis
01:03:49of men and women and their relationships, okay?
01:03:52Yeah, but what if you're wrong?
01:03:54Hello?
01:03:55You're still there?
01:03:57I'll end it.
01:03:58Don't you start it?
01:03:59The truth is right.
01:04:00I'm not alone.
01:04:01The life's divine.
01:04:02Do it.
01:04:03It doesn't begin.
01:04:04The life's divine.
01:04:05Do it.
01:04:06It doesn't begin.
01:04:07The life's divine.
01:04:08Take that one.
01:04:09Take that one.
01:04:10The time is fifteen minutes after the hour, and you're listening to Real Love, with me,
01:04:22Dr. Emma Lloyd.
01:04:23Uh...
01:04:24Yeah.
01:04:25We've got time for one more caller.
01:04:26We've got...
01:04:27Patrick of Astoria.
01:04:33Patrick of Astoria.
01:04:34Oh, really?
01:04:35Because, uh, I thought for a second you weren't gonna put me through.
01:04:38There are thousands of people listening, Patrick from Astoria.
01:04:40Let's not waste their time.
01:04:41How can I help you?
01:04:42Okay, there's...
01:04:43There's this girl that I'm falling for.
01:04:46That I have fallen for.
01:04:49And, uh, well, the trick is that she's getting married tomorrow.
01:04:53And if that's what she really wants, then I'm happy for her.
01:04:56That's very generous of you, Patrick from Astoria.
01:04:59There's one other thing that she doesn't know.
01:05:02We're almost out of time, Patrick.
01:05:04The thing that I didn't tell her is, uh...
01:05:07The thing she doesn't know...
01:05:09Come on.
01:05:10...is that I love her.
01:05:12You know, I, uh, I look at her and I see...
01:05:15I see my whole life.
01:05:16And I just thought she should...
01:05:19know that.
01:05:20I'm afraid that's all the time we have caller tonight.
01:05:23It's Dr. Emma Lloyd.
01:05:25And you're listening to Real Love.
01:05:28Where's she going?
01:05:29Where's she going?
01:05:30Get in here.
01:05:31Okay.
01:05:32Let's see.
01:05:33We got, um, Chuck on line four is looking for his soulmate.
01:05:37And Maria on line two just got dumped.
01:05:40So, Chuck.
01:05:41Yeah?
01:05:42Say what's up to Maria.
01:05:43How you doing, Maria?
01:05:54Well?
01:05:56You really like it?
01:05:57Perfect.
01:05:58You're perfect.
01:05:59I'm fucked.
01:06:01It's an interesting segue.
01:06:05Did you listen to the show last night?
01:06:07Yeah.
01:06:08He loves me.
01:06:09I know.
01:06:10The entire Tri-State area knows.
01:06:12The car is here.
01:06:13What am I gonna do?
01:06:14Well, first thing, you should fire her.
01:06:16I heard that.
01:06:17And the sister at the keyhole.
01:06:19That's what you always wanted, huh?
01:06:21I did, didn't I?
01:06:22Instead, you got you and me.
01:06:24We didn't do it too badly, did we?
01:06:26We were a disaster.
01:06:28We were.
01:06:29Yeah, we were.
01:06:33But I see a comeback in the making.
01:06:37Yeah?
01:06:43You know, for a guy who's waited this long to marry my daughter, you're sure he's cutting it close, don't you think?
01:06:48Do you know how I know I love you?
01:06:50How?
01:06:51Because nothing in the world would make me drag me to the altar again.
01:06:54No, we don't want to impress our luck, do we?
01:06:58I should go see how Emma's doing.
01:06:59Let me know if he gets here.
01:07:00Just take it off, Marcie, it's crooked.
01:07:01Let me try it.
01:07:02Oh.
01:07:03So this goes like this.
01:07:05And this goes here.
01:07:06Here comes the bride.
01:07:30I can't do this.
01:07:36Excuse me, ladies.
01:07:37Could I just have a moment?
01:07:53Richard.
01:07:54Wow.
01:07:55Look at you.
01:07:57Seems kind of silly, though, huh?
01:07:59Me in this dress, veil, bridesmaids.
01:08:03It's like some sort of play or something.
01:08:06No, you don't look silly.
01:08:10Well, you look extremely not silly and handsome yourself.
01:08:17I'm sorry I'm late.
01:08:18I had to go back to the city and get something for you.
01:08:29You forgot to file them?
01:08:33You should know by now I'm not really the forgetful type.
01:08:37No, no, you're not.
01:08:40Since you gave me this, I've been putting off filing them for some reason.
01:08:44Why do you think that is?
01:08:45Why do you think that is?
01:08:50I love you, Anne.
01:08:52I'm clever enough to know when I've lost.
01:08:58I should have asked you to marry me a long time ago.
01:09:00Well, maybe we just missed our moment.
01:09:06If you married me today, you'd always be looking over your shoulder.
01:09:10You'd never be completely happy.
01:09:15I'm going to be happier.
01:09:17I can't stand it.
01:09:19Well, Richard...
01:09:21All right.
01:09:25I'll be right.
01:09:28As long as we can get past that angry mob out there.
01:09:30Oh, yeah. Them.
01:09:33I'll handle this.
01:09:35Really?
01:09:37No, not really.
01:09:39In fact, this time you should worry. I have no plan.
01:09:40Come on.
01:09:50Help me up.
01:09:52Give me that candle.
01:09:57Well, just wait until I've left the realm.
01:09:59I might need this suit again.
01:10:01Richard?
01:10:10No, no, not.
01:10:12Why?
01:10:14Ah!
01:10:20Oh, no!
01:10:22I'm out!
01:10:25Andrew 41.
01:10:27This is Greatneck Dispatch.
01:10:29We've got a fire alarm at Sprinkler Occamation at St. Paul's Church.
01:10:33Greatneck?
01:10:35It's not even an out district.
01:10:37Listen.
01:10:38district but here's the thing you guys have sort of been requested
01:11:08how you doing i had to talk to you
01:11:29you know you could have just called
01:11:31so what's up
01:11:53when i was a kid i used to have a hard time believing in happy endings
01:11:57the heroin always seemed to ride off into the sunset with what i thought was the wrong guy
01:12:02one day my dad found me crying i was watching the lady in the tram and he asked me what was wrong
01:12:07i said dad those two dogs don't stand a chance they're wrong for each other they have nothing
01:12:13in common the movie's gonna end they're gonna break up and be heartbroken forever he pulled me in close
01:12:19and he said to me em sometimes when you're really in love you just don't sweat the small stuff
01:12:25so are you saying we should run away together woman are you insane what you're old enough to be his
01:12:31mother wait till he gets out of high school and then who is that good day to you madam you said you
01:12:34were going to be on your best behavior just i don't know how you do this and these people they drive me
01:12:38crazy won't happen again okay where was i don't swear the small stuff right well i guess i didn't
01:12:45appreciate my father's advice for a long time you kind of have to figure out those things for yourself
01:12:49but not about me it's quarter past the hour and now for a word from our sponsors this is dr emma lloyd
01:12:55you're listening to real love please don't go away there's more to language
01:13:02haven't you got any cats to pull out of trees that only happens in cartoons mrs sullivan as you well
01:13:08know indeed i do mr sullivan what can i do for you i don't know i just happened to be in the neighborhood
01:13:13then i'd stop by and say hello why don't you come here for a second i can't leave my desk after
01:13:19the bracket oh come on they can wait just uh stand up and walk towards me you didn't come to see me at
01:13:27all did you of course i didn't say in the day
01:13:46oh
01:13:56we're back in five four three two one this is dutch and alloyd we're back with real love
01:14:05susie from morningside pines you're on the air
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