- 2 days ago
The Handsome Vampire 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Music
00:08Right here!
00:12Right here!
00:14Right here!
00:16We're here!
00:18We're here!
00:20Come on!
00:22Right here!
00:24Right here!
00:26I can't believe I'm so close to Freddie Jones.
00:39Charlotte, why are you just standing here when there's people without hors d'oeuvres?
00:44Sorry, sir, the caterers ran off so I could get more.
00:46Finally, more hors d'oeuvres.
00:48I was just talking to the head of the studio.
00:51We share a ski cabin.
00:52She's having a great time, Uncle Beth.
00:54Oh, at least I have one intern who knows how to host a party.
00:57Charlotte, you could take a few notes here from Ava.
01:01This isn't your backwoods Applebee's.
01:03This is a Hollywood party.
01:05Hey, hey, Mark Paul Gossler!
01:07He's right. You're too uptight and sweaty.
01:11It's not helping your whole Walmart aesthetic.
01:14It's not helping that I can work in this entire party by myself.
01:17It doesn't matter how hard you work.
01:20People have to like you.
01:21Nobody likes a martyr who dresses like she works at the DMV.
01:25Give up and go home.
01:27Thanks, Ava, but I don't need advice on how to charm a room from a nepho baby.
01:31I've been working for Tip since I was 15.
01:42Mr. Jones?
01:47Call me Freddie.
01:48Right.
01:52Um, I'm so sorry.
01:53You don't need to be sorry.
01:55This party needed a little excitement.
01:57It was trash and everybody knows it.
01:59Yeah.
02:01I mean, I prefer your earlier work, but you were still excellent.
02:06Thanks.
02:07Telling me the truth.
02:08Nobody tells me the truth anymore.
02:09Well, it was, uh, nice bumping into you.
02:18Hey, Mr. Jones.
02:20Hey, you should be the one entertaining our store client.
02:23Not her.
02:24I can only hire one of you.
02:25Right now, she's winning.
02:27Do better.
02:28Here we go.
02:51Where am I?
03:15Good morning.
03:21Did you forget that today is the first day of your master plan?
03:45Come on man, get down here.
03:47Yeah, I have.
04:00Hey, what is from here Mr. Jones?
04:02I don't know whether you pour radiant on screen or off.
04:05Hey, what can I get you? You want a coffee, water?
04:08No, I'm fine, thanks.
04:09How about, I'll just, I'll get both just in case.
04:15Close the door.
04:17Oh, negative, your favorite.
04:23I figure after last night you would be pretty hungry.
04:27I didn't even like that, eh?
04:30I needed help and I needed an exit.
04:32Come on, Freddy.
04:33I've been your best friend and your enabler for the last 200 years.
04:37During that time, I've known you to be very picky, very cautious, and a very, very demanding vampire.
04:45So come on, give me something.
04:47How'd she taste?
04:48I don't know, man.
04:49I think she was an intern.
04:50I didn't even get her name.
04:51But nothing happened.
04:52Good.
04:53Cause I got enough to worry about while you're going away undercover.
04:54You sure about this plan?
04:55I mean, come on.
04:56Why can't you just go to the Maldives like every other actor?
04:57I just need to get away from everything.
04:58The business.
04:59Our parents.
05:00This whole movie star lifestyle.
05:02It's just...
05:03But why do you want to go undercover as an intern?
05:04Is this about that intern girl?
05:05Yeah, I may have come on a bit strong.
05:06I don't know.
05:07There's just something about her.
05:08But how do you know dressing up like an intern is gonna help you get to know her?
05:13And how do you know that when you get close to her, you're not just gonna blow your cover?
05:18I don't know.
05:19I'll play it cool.
05:20I'll work with her.
05:21I'm not sure.
05:22I'm not sure.
05:23I'm not sure.
05:24I'm not sure.
05:25I'm not sure.
05:26I'm not sure.
05:27I'm not sure.
05:28I'm not sure.
05:29I'm not sure.
05:30I'm not sure.
05:31I'm not sure.
05:32I'll be cool.
05:33I'll work hard.
05:34Hopefully our paths will cross.
05:35I can feel that out.
05:37Fine.
05:38I'll do what I can.
05:39But please, promise me you're not gonna let this intern thing distract you from your actual
05:44job.
05:45Thanks, Coleman.
05:46This is gonna be the role of a lifetime.
05:51Better.
05:53But you can't help but look like a movie star.
05:56I think I might need help from a glamorous though.
05:59Ah, so I didn't know if you wanted a moment.
06:03Where's Mr. Jones?
06:05He had an engagement.
06:08Who's this?
06:09This is Edward, our new intern.
06:12Oh, great.
06:14Another one.
06:15Well, let's get you started.
06:18Jesus.
06:19This might actually work.
06:23When can I expect money from you?
06:24I'm bartending nights and weekends.
06:25But if you don't make some more money soon, you won't have a home to return to.
06:29Do you know the debt we're in?
06:30We're going to lose the bar if you don't start helping.
06:31The internship is going great.
06:32I'm gonna have a new job before we know it.
06:33Okay?
06:34Um, I have to go.
06:35Bye.
06:36After you humiliated yourself in front of the entire industry.
06:57I'm surprised you even came in today.
06:58What happened to me last night?
06:59I know I only have one drink.
07:00Were you taking bets on who you ended up with?
07:01My money's in the pay from the mail room.
07:02Leave me alone.
07:03Leave me alone.
07:04Ha ha.
07:05Oh, if it isn't this life of the party.
07:08You know, it's one thing to entertain the clients, but it's another to walk around acting
07:13like a drunken floozy.
07:14I'm sorry.
07:16I'm sorry.
07:19Oh, this is my life of the party.
07:22I'm not a bad thing to entertain the clients, but it's another to walk around acting like a
07:29drunk and floozy.
07:31I'm sorry, I don't...
07:34Oh, really? You're sorry about that?
07:35Well, it's penance you can show around the new intern.
07:39We have a new intern?
07:40Yeah, yeah, that guy.
07:42Hey, come on over here. Hawk Hogan. Yeah, you.
07:45Jesus, stop doing workouts and talk to her.
07:49Hi, I'm Edward.
07:57Hi, I'm Edward.
08:01Are you okay?
08:03Yeah, I'm Charlotte.
08:05Let me show you around.
08:11Hey, cutie.
08:13Oh, hello.
08:14Are you ready for junior exec?
08:16No, I'm not looking for anything permanent.
08:19Oh, good. We should get along fine, then.
08:22So, where are you from?
08:24Look, I'm supposed to help Charlotte with something, so...
08:27Between us?
08:28Charlotte's character isn't going to get her very far in this industry.
08:31I guess it was her last night.
08:37Okay.
08:40Where are you going?
08:42To go help Charlotte.
08:43Like you should have done last night.
08:45So, Freddie just went on vacation.
08:52When he gets back, he's going to want something very different for his next project.
08:57We're looking for something that's very character-driven, but at the same time, something that only he could play.
09:02So, ideas?
09:03What about a period piece?
09:06You know, Freddie has this classic quality to him.
09:09Like, he could almost be from a different time.
09:11Um, I could see him in a Western or a Jane Austen movie.
09:14Oh, that's really perceptive.
09:16Excuse me.
09:18Interns?
09:18But the grown-ups are talking?
09:20Do you know who you're talking to?
09:24Do you know who you're talking to?
09:26I mean, it's Fred Edwards' first day.
09:36Sorry.
09:41Oh, I totally forgot.
09:43I've actually got to run, but I'm greatly looking forward to hearing all of your ideas.
09:48When you're big shots, you can open your mouth every time a dumb idea pops into your head.
09:56But until then, you're nobody.
09:59I'll remember that.
10:00Good.
10:02Charlotte, you can stay and clean up after the party.
10:04I'll tell the cleaning services to skip this weekend.
10:06Tonight?
10:07But I have another job.
10:08Oh, great.
10:09But you should have thought about that before you embarrassed our department.
10:14Ava.
10:15Happy hour.
10:16I'm buying.
10:23You know you don't have to stay and clean up with me, right?
10:26I don't mind.
10:28Can I ask you something?
10:30Are Ava and Seth real pieces of shit?
10:33Ew.
10:35I shouldn't laugh.
10:37No, you should.
10:39You have a really beautiful smile.
10:42No, but seriously, why are they always like that?
10:45I don't know.
10:46It's just kind of the way they are.
10:47Ava's in the running for the same job as me, and Seth's her uncle, so.
10:53Anyway, what's your story?
10:56Why are you here?
10:57I mean, you can call it a quarter-life crisis.
11:03I don't know, I guess I've just been sheltered my whole life, so.
11:06Just wanted to try something new.
11:07You wanted to try picking up trash with me?
11:11I mean, there's worse ways to spend your day.
11:14Plus, I thought you could, you know, teach me a few things, and I can learn the ins and outs.
11:20Deal.
11:20Shoot, I'm going to be late for work.
11:27But this isn't work?
11:28Not for me.
11:30You know I don't get paid, right?
11:32What?
11:34I'll see you on Monday.
11:35Hey, Coleman.
11:43Yeah, give me the personal file on Charlotte's sin.
11:45Yeah, I need to know everything about it.
11:47Also, we've got to start paying these interns.
11:49Why would you want to meet here?
12:05You hate places like this.
12:07Yeah, you do.
12:09What can I get good to?
12:10Mr. Hart?
12:14Edward, do you guys know each other?
12:17Us?
12:18No, no, no.
12:19That's okay, I'm open.
12:20Look, he's a friend of my father's.
12:23I just didn't want anyone to think I was another Neville baby.
12:26That's why you're so sheltered.
12:29Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
12:31Do you know what you'd like?
12:33Yeah, we'll take two Bloody Marys.
12:36Extra Bloody?
12:42What?
12:43Small world.
12:45Small world, and oh, look!
12:46Right there is where it tells you where she works in her personnel file.
12:51Yeah.
12:51Would you look at that?
12:52I think you already did.
12:54She's amazing, though.
12:55Top of her class.
12:57Full-ride scholarship.
12:59She could be anything.
13:00I don't know why she'd want to settle at the bottom in Hollywood.
13:02Sounds like somebody else that we know.
13:05Even the drinking.
13:07Okay.
13:08You know, Ava had a lot to do with that.
13:10It smelled on her a mile away.
13:11If you have some time this weekend, and you feel like getting your hands dirty...
13:17Yeah, sure.
13:19I'll be right back with those drinks.
13:24Oh, brother.
13:26We are in love.
13:29Can you make mine a double, please?
13:31Hey.
13:42So how do you know if a script is worth pitching?
13:44A good script grabs you on the first page and doesn't let go.
13:47You can't stop thinking about it.
13:48Edward, save yourself some time.
13:51If a script isn't on the blacklist, it's a pass.
13:54It's that easy.
13:56Like this one.
14:01Once you find a script you love, it makes all the drudgery worth it.
14:08At least for me.
14:09Hey, stop gabbing and get me your weekend script reports.
14:13I need something that screams Freddie Jones to bring to Coleman.
14:16So what do we got?
14:18I read a lot of great scripts.
14:20This top one is a modern take on Sunset Boulevard.
14:23Isn't that like black and white?
14:25That's one of the greatest movies of all time.
14:27You sound just like Freddie Jones.
14:29He always says that that's the movie that inspired him to act.
14:32Look at you two.
14:33Sounding like nerds and losers living in the 50s.
14:36A contact just sent me an action romance.
14:38That's perfect.
14:40Ava, you are the best.
14:43I bet Freddie's going to love that.
14:49Yeah.
14:50I bet Freddie will love that.
14:52Yeah.
14:52This script has a lot of heat.
15:00And it's a great part for Freddie.
15:02Yeah, if we don't jump on this now tomorrow, I promise we're going to read in the trades that Leo's doing it.
15:06It's really good.
15:15But it's completely wrong for Freddie.
15:16But it's got everything.
15:19Action, sex.
15:21He even has his shirt off for over an hour.
15:23Yeah, but there's plenty more where that came from.
15:26Good.
15:28Because Freddie's looking for a wide spectrum.
15:31So I'm going to want to hear pitches from all of the interns.
15:35And whoever can pitch a film that Freddie actually wants to buy gets the junior executive position.
15:41Are you okay, honey?
15:54That beer has more head than a truck stop men's room.
15:57Yeah, sorry.
15:58Just work stuff.
16:00Work stuff or romance stuff?
16:04Don't look so shocked.
16:05Spending 20 years in a bar, I get really good at reading people, okay?
16:09I don't even know if it's mutual.
16:12It is.
16:13How do you know that?
16:14Because I got a sense about this stuff.
16:17Plus, he's sitting over at that table and he just asked about you.
16:27What are you doing here?
16:30Well, I got those scripts that said toss them in the trash.
16:34And how are you going to talk about them?
16:36Okay.
16:43Thanks for coming out tonight.
16:45You know, even if nothing happens, I love talking about movies with you.
16:49I love talking about movies with you, too.
16:52Honestly, four hours does not seem like enough time.
16:55Shit.
16:56Smell that?
17:01Oh, negative.
17:04My favorite.
17:07That's interesting.
17:08Let's take them both.
17:27I'm hungry.
17:29Sniff again.
17:31He's one of us.
17:32No way.
17:36It's that.
17:43I gotta go.
17:49You'll never guess who just came in.
17:52You're his biggest fan.
17:54Can you imagine being so famous if you lie about being on vacation?
18:14Don't you have work you should be doing?
18:15My contact just sent me another hot script, so no.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:19No.
18:19No.
18:19No.
18:20No.
18:20No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:21No.
18:22No.
18:22No.
18:22No.
18:22No.
18:22No.
18:23No.
18:24No.
18:25Hey, Charlotte.
18:28Can I get to help by jam the printer again?
18:31Again?
18:32Yeah.
18:33Seriously?
18:34Yeah.
18:38Hey, what do you have for me?
18:41I just forwarded you a new script everyone is talking about.
18:44That's all you have.
18:47That script just sold, and it's not even what he's looking for.
18:50Aren't you even listening?
18:51How am I supposed to find something small and pretentious?
18:55It's boring.
18:56Figure it out.
18:57I got you to third base.
18:59You can score your own home run.
19:00If that farm girl brings in a script that Freddy wants to buy,
19:04I can't stop Coleman from hiring her.
19:07Get on it.
19:09Now.
19:10Jesus fucking Christ.
19:21Okay, maybe I did want to talk to you.
19:39Yeah, well, you better do it fast because I might have to run away suddenly with no explanation.
19:43Okay, try to look about the other night.
19:45It's fine.
19:46You don't have to explain.
19:49We worked together.
19:49You did the smart thing.
19:51We should keep it professional, right?
19:58Yeah, I mean, that's what you want.
20:01Don't do it like that.
20:02You're going to rip it.
20:06Is this my proposal?
20:09Yeah, it's pretty all extra copies for you.
20:12It's so nice.
20:15Well, it should work now.
20:17Okay.
20:19Thanks.
20:19Thanks.
20:21Why is the door locked?
20:32I didn't lock it.
20:33It must have been Ava.
20:34Hey, are you okay?
20:39Hey, I'm claustrophobic and I can find spaces that make me panic.
20:46Okay, hey, hey, hey, it's going to be okay.
20:49All right, you're going to be okay.
20:50Trust me for a second, okay?
20:51Better?
21:08Better?
21:09How did you do that?
21:12Just a little trick I learned.
21:16Yeah, you're right.
21:17We should probably keep it professional.
21:26Wait.
21:29Okay.
21:30What's going on here?
21:49Why is the door locked?
21:54Let's get you out of here.
21:56Come on.
22:00Man, being an intern is hard work.
22:08By the way, have you seen Starless Proposal?
22:11It's pretty good.
22:12Freddy, it's time to go back.
22:16I've got paparazzi circling the kill, just looking for a scoop, and guess what?
22:21You know who's been calling me?
22:23Diana.
22:24And she's been asking me questions.
22:26Okay.
22:27So what, Diana?
22:28Is paparazzi working for her now?
22:30Vampire paparazzi.
22:32When is that woman ever going to realize it is not going to work out between us?
22:36I don't care what she wants or what my parents want or what the paparazzi wants.
22:41It's not going to work.
22:42Yeah, well, it's easy to be patient when you're an immortal bitch.
22:46True.
22:46I know you and Charlotte have a bond.
22:51It's time to call a ramp on Eddie and time to get back to work.
22:56Back to my lonely, gilded cage?
22:59You signed up for this.
23:01She didn't.
23:02How's your project proposal going?
23:11Why do you care?
23:11I want it to be good if I'm going to hand it in.
23:14What are you talking about?
23:15My contact fell through and I can't hand him nothing, so unless you help me, I'll have
23:21to hand him this.
23:24The fuck, Ava?
23:25How'd you get pages from my journal?
23:29Care to how you talk to me?
23:31You're one phone call away from being a stupid slut that taint Freddy's career.
23:35They're so scandalous, we didn't even sleep together.
23:38I don't understand why you would do this, Ava.
23:41If you work for Freddy, you're going to ruin his career.
23:43I won't.
23:44Unless you force me to.
23:47So what will it be?
23:48I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
23:49I don't know.
23:50I don't know.
23:50I don't know.
23:51I don't know.
23:52I don't know.
23:53I don't know.
23:54I don't know.
23:55Let's get set up.
24:01They love the proposal so much, they want me to present it to the board.
24:04I hope you're happy with yourself.
24:05You're looking at the new junior executive.
24:09Don't worry.
24:10I requested you stay on as my personal intern.
24:17God.
24:17Damn it.
24:18Hey, where are you going with that?
24:32Have you seen Eddie?
24:34Looks like your little boyfriend left without saying goodbye.
24:36Let's focus, everyone.
24:38We have a lot to discuss.
24:39Guess he wasn't as into you as he thought.
24:41I don't think we'll need you for this meeting.
24:43I'm pretty sure there's some cleaning to do around the office.
24:45Fine with me.
24:49Mr. Jones?
24:51Where are you going?
24:55Please, say.
24:56Hey, everybody, if it's me.
24:59Sure.
25:00You can take notes.
25:02There he is.
25:03End of the hour.
25:04Hey, welcome back, Freddie.
25:06Looking tan and refreshed.
25:07Better than ever.
25:08Thank you, Seth.
25:09Appreciate that.
25:10I would really like to know what this movie is at its core.
25:19Ava, this is your baby.
25:21I would love to hear from you.
25:23Well, at its core, it's a Freddie Jones movie.
25:26That's what people are paying to see.
25:27So what's your vision?
25:29Do you see this more as a classic Hollywood homage, a mystery, a romance?
25:35I think it has it all.
25:38What's your favorite part?
25:39The ending.
25:40What happens in the ending?
25:42Your character, uh, wins?
25:47No, it's funny.
25:49You wrote such an elegant summary, but you can't recall any major plot points or how it ends.
25:55I'm just curious.
25:55Did you actually read the script, or did you just have AI spit out a report for you?
25:59Of course I wrote this.
26:00It's just been a few weeks, and I, I...
26:05What do you think?
26:09At its heart, it's...
26:11The romance.
26:13A mystery with a satirical edge, but ultimately a love story.
26:17With its poignant and tragic ending.
26:21Sounds like a good movie.
26:24Why do you think it'd be beneficial for my career?
26:26Because.
26:27People might not know it yet, but you can do more than look good with your shirt off.
26:31Opening weekend, they're gonna go to see Freddie Jones, the movie star.
26:35But come Monday, they're gonna tell their friends to go see Freddie Jones, the actor.
26:43I love that.
26:45You sold me.
26:47Ava, I would like you to take notes for Charlotte from now on.
26:53Uh, I'm for her.
27:00What the hell was that?
27:01Ow, you're hurting me.
27:03I just answered his question.
27:04You set me up.
27:05You humiliated me.
27:07You should have prepared me better.
27:09I just know I had to prepare you.
27:10Didn't you read what you handed in?
27:11Oh, it was insanely long, and I have better things to do.
27:15That was the whole point of using your proposal.
27:17You made me look like an idiot.
27:18No, Ava, actually, you did that all on your own.
27:21You made me look so bad.
27:23I need an explanation.
27:24She set me up.
27:25Your assistant executed a master plan to embarrass you and take control of a meeting?
27:30If that's true, then we should probably have her on the executive payroll.
27:33She planned this with Freddie.
27:35I have proof just to humiliate me.
27:38They slept together.
27:40That's enough.
27:42I'm sorry.
27:43Where is it?
27:44Where is it?
27:45Where?
27:45Here it is.
27:49Can we get security, please?
27:51No.
27:54It was her.
27:55They slept together.
27:55Why don't you believe me?
27:57Let go of me.
27:58Do you know how much this dress costs?
27:59I'll see you again soon.
28:14Hey.
28:16So, how'd it go today?
28:18Where were you?
28:19Freddie Jones.
28:22Oh, it's looking out.
28:24Get out of here.
28:25No.
28:25I told you guys.
28:25No.
28:26No pictures.
28:26Go.
28:27Get out of here.
28:28Go.
28:29What the hell is going on?
28:32Why did they call you Freddie?
28:36Look, Charlotte.
28:36I...
28:37I never meant to trick you.
28:39Please.
28:51I don't...
28:52I don't know what to think.
28:53I don't know who you are.
28:56Charlotte.
28:56Charlotte.
29:09Oh, you bitch.
29:15Oh, you'll pay for that.
29:20We just wanted a story.
29:23But I guess we'll settle for something else.
29:28Get the fuck away from me.
29:39Charlotte.
29:42Are you okay?
29:43You look hurt.
29:43Are you hurt?
29:44I'm fine.
29:46I'm so sorry.
29:47This is all my fault.
29:48Why are you apologizing?
29:49You're just saving my life.
29:57The boss is gonna love this.
30:09I'm sure you're okay.
30:11I think so.
30:20Does that hurt?
30:21A little.
30:24Are they always following you like that?
30:27Or is this what it's like to be Freddie Jones?
30:30I'm sorry I got you under this.
30:33But I hope you don't sneak out this time.
30:40Weren't you hurt?
30:42I think you might have hit your head a little too hard.
30:45Just probably lie back.
30:49Look, I live in a world full of powerful people.
30:52And not all of them are good.
30:54There you are.
30:56All I want to do is protect you, Charlotte.
31:09Hey.
31:14Good morning.
31:15Good morning.
31:17Listen, I have breakfast coming up for you right now.
31:20I'm gonna step out and make a quick phone call, okay?
31:23Just lie back and rest.
31:26All right.
31:27Coleman.
31:39Hey, what do you know about the paparazzi attack last night?
31:42That cannot happen again.
31:44We got it, boss.
31:44You'll have security.
31:45Yeah.
31:46She better.
31:49Shit!
31:50How long has it been?
31:52I hear you and Freddie have been very busy boys behind my back.
31:55Look, I'm sure you're disappointed that he's not gonna do another sequel.
31:59As am I.
32:00But he's already made up his mind.
32:02Listen, dipshit.
32:03We both know which head he's thinking with, and it's not the one above his shoulders.
32:07Well, that's not my business.
32:08Actually, fuckhead, it is your business.
32:11My guy just sent me these photos.
32:12No, I don't know the pay rate yet, Mom, but it's, it's entry level.
32:31$3,000 a month, how am I supposed to, no, I know it's a, okay, mom, I have to go.
32:45Okay, bye.
32:46What was that on the boat?
32:50Nothing.
32:52You know, this is all really nice, but I have to go work brunch in an hour.
32:56What?
32:57Cancel.
32:58We can stay in bed all day.
33:00I got food brought up to us.
33:02Look, you just got a promotion, and you don't need to be working back over there.
33:05Yeah, well, until I get my first paycheck, I'm not gonna chance it.
33:09Fine.
33:10Do what you want.
33:11Let me know if you need anything else.
33:24Diana?
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