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Married at First Sight UK Season 10 Episode 8
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Reality Realm US
#RealityRealmUS
Reality Realm US
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00:00:00If I'd ever slunk with anyone, it's like a pear bear.
00:00:04Sarah's already entered the zone of being disrespectful,
00:00:06and that's something that needs to end.
00:00:08And for Julia, Ruth, and Davani...
00:00:10Spark is definitely there.
00:00:12We're literally like yin, yin, yin.
00:00:13Conflicting accounts of the honeymoon...
00:00:15We said how amazing it was.
00:00:18On what planet?
00:00:19...left their marriage hanging by a thread.
00:00:21The honeymoon was not easy.
00:00:23They've heard a different story.
00:00:26It makes no sense.
00:00:28I just want to be genuine.
00:00:32Tonight is the very first commitment ceremony.
00:00:35It's time for the couples to face the experts.
00:00:38You can't communicate with you, and you don't listen.
00:00:40You don't back down.
00:00:42It's been difficult. It's been proper difficult.
00:00:44This isn't gonna work.
00:00:46Tension builds as two couples clash.
00:00:48No emotional connection, no communication.
00:00:51I thought we could build from the wedding day.
00:00:54We're just miles apart.
00:00:58And Sarah's bad-mouthing...
00:01:00Do you think that you were rude
00:01:02while talking about your partner?
00:01:03...catches up with her?
00:01:05This man is talking about how lovely his partner is,
00:01:08and you are on the other side of the room disrespecting him.
00:01:12It's not me. It's not who I am.
00:01:15That was good.
00:01:27Right, now, get the other one in.
00:01:31Other one.
00:01:31Oh!
00:01:32Nah.
00:01:33Right, put them down, though,
00:01:34because we're all going to be f***ing orange juice.
00:01:36Can I have this piece of toast?
00:01:41That one's a bit buttery.
00:01:43Cholesterol for breakfast.
00:01:52Yesterday was a lot, wasn't it?
00:01:53It was a lot, yeah. Fun, no?
00:01:54Yeah, we had a really good time.
00:01:56I felt really confident with you,
00:01:58even before we saw everybody else,
00:01:59but then when we did see everyone else
00:02:01and we saw where they were at,
00:02:02I was like, oh, actually, we are super strong.
00:02:04Yeah, it's a nice feeling, isn't it?
00:02:05I loved walking into the dinner party with Bec.
00:02:07I loved showing her off,
00:02:08and I walked in with a big smile on my face.
00:02:10Bailey and I are really good.
00:02:12We're happy.
00:02:13We have gone from strength to strength every day.
00:02:15We're very tactile.
00:02:17Intimity's great.
00:02:18The spark for us is flying,
00:02:19so we're going into the commitment ceremony
00:02:21in a really strong position.
00:02:26The vibe this morning is a little bit tense.
00:02:28After last night's dinner party,
00:02:30Giovanni and I spent the night separately.
00:02:32We had a argument.
00:02:35Compared to other couples,
00:02:36I knew that we were struggling.
00:02:39It felt like, again, we were on different pages.
00:02:42He was trying to just paint a picture
00:02:43so no one could see what was going on.
00:02:45He's saying it's f***ing daisies.
00:02:48It wasn't the best feeling
00:02:50to know that my wife was upset.
00:02:52How I articulated our issues
00:02:55was a little bit sugar-coated.
00:02:57I can admit that.
00:02:59But that's what I chose to do,
00:03:01because obviously we're a team.
00:03:10It's all right.
00:03:11Our last night was intense, wasn't it?
00:03:13Mm.
00:03:14Yeah, I'm sorry about the crying.
00:03:15I wasn't planning on doing that.
00:03:17I got upset at the dinner party yesterday
00:03:21from the honesty box.
00:03:22I feel a little bit embarrassed.
00:03:24Nelly, can you see yourself falling for me?
00:03:28It's very hard for me to say...
00:03:31Yeah.
00:03:32That's fine. Yeah.
00:03:33Why is it so hard for you to talk about falling for somebody?
00:03:37I think I'm so afraid of, um, being so emotionally, like, open and vulnerable to someone.
00:03:45Like, thinking I know who I am and think, you know what, I'm not into her.
00:03:50And then they break my heart.
00:03:52I can't with it anymore, it's too much.
00:03:57Just a lot for week one.
00:03:58Yeah, of course it is.
00:03:59It's like, when that honesty box comes out, we all know what that sort of entails.
00:04:03So, very courageous of you to show that emotion and say what he says.
00:04:08Steven's doing all the right things, but I still keep getting into my own hair thinking,
00:04:12what does he like you?
00:04:13Are you sure about that?
00:04:14I don't want to scare him off or give him the ick.
00:04:17And I will convince myself, if he doesn't hold my hand for long enough,
00:04:20it's because he's not into me.
00:04:22Even though the poor guy probably just wants his arm back.
00:04:25He's clearly telling me he's being truthful.
00:04:27Why can't I believe it?
00:04:31Looking forward to seeing the experts today.
00:04:33Do you think you're going to get emotional?
00:04:34Me? I don't get emotional.
00:04:37What if they poke you in all the right places?
00:04:40Well, that hasn't happened for a while, so...
00:04:44Grace and I, I feel, are in a really good place.
00:04:47We're quite stable at the moment, so I'm quite happy with where I am.
00:04:51Is there anything you're looking to talk to the experts about?
00:04:54I feel like they might... I don't think it could be confronting.
00:04:57I'm scared.
00:04:58I wasn't myself on honeymoon.
00:05:00It's all been so overwhelming and so hard.
00:05:05I don't want to do this, sorry.
00:05:07On their wedding day...
00:05:08What's upsetting you?
00:05:10I just... I can't...
00:05:15Grace struggled to find a connection with Ashley.
00:05:18I was raised like men of the breadwinners.
00:05:22Like old school morals, basically.
00:05:24Yeah.
00:05:26And the honeymoon brought her walls up even higher.
00:05:29Okay, is that enough now?
00:05:32Yikes.
00:05:33Oh, I'm not really feeling it.
00:05:35I feel like everything I'm doing is wrong and I don't know why.
00:05:38In an effort to turn things around, Grace finally opened up to Ashley.
00:05:43I just want to explain the physical touch thing,
00:05:46because I feel like maybe I'm making it seem like it's you.
00:05:48I've been this way since I was a kid.
00:05:50It's a sensation that I don't like.
00:05:52It's like skin.
00:05:53Yeah.
00:05:54Yeah.
00:05:55But it's especially bad when I'm a bit stressed
00:05:57and with people I don't know.
00:05:58They don't need to project it onto you.
00:06:00I just hope I don't get upset.
00:06:02If you do feel emotional, what is it that I'm supposed to do?
00:06:05Because my natural reaction would be to give you a hug if you're emotional.
00:06:08But you obviously don't... you're not going to want that.
00:06:10So what is it I do?
00:06:11I might want that.
00:06:12I don't know.
00:06:13Let's just see.
00:06:14Let's just cross that bridge.
00:06:16I am nervous about seeing the experts.
00:06:18So obviously they're going to shine a light on all the things that,
00:06:21you know, sometimes I avoid talking about.
00:06:24The touching, the PDA, all of that.
00:06:26I'm the problem.
00:06:28That's how I feel actually.
00:06:30So that's maybe why I'm nervous.
00:06:36I'm so sorry you feel sick.
00:06:38David is feeling really unwell.
00:06:41He's so achy.
00:06:42That poor man has got no energy whatsoever.
00:06:45How are you feeling about seeing the experts to now pay yourself?
00:06:49Overall, I'm terrified about going by myself and I don't want to go.
00:06:52I'm sure you're going to be fine.
00:06:54Yeah, I got a swabber, don't worry.
00:06:56But drink the honey and lemon ginger tea when it's hot.
00:07:00It does nothing now.
00:07:01It's cold.
00:07:02A little bit worried about walking into my first ceremony without him,
00:07:05but I think we're really strong, so it should be fine.
00:07:07First commitment ceremony today.
00:07:08What do you think they're going to say to us?
00:07:09I don't really know.
00:07:10From here, shit gets deeper, doesn't it?
00:07:11I want the experts to tell us where we're going wrong.
00:07:12We're just not there yet in terms of the romantic connection.
00:07:13It's more than friends, but at the same time, she doesn't want to rip my clothes off.
00:07:28I said, you just need to let your wall down a little bit more.
00:07:30Like, I'm trying.
00:07:31I'm being way more open and vulnerable than I ever would in any situation.
00:07:35The thing is, mine's not by choice.
00:07:37That vulnerability or, like, moving to that next stage with you is just not coming naturally.
00:07:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:42And it's not, like, something that I'm choosing to do.
00:07:45And it sounds so shallow.
00:07:47I think this whole narrative of, like, oh, you're not my typical type,
00:07:50it's like I'm struggling to fill the romance.
00:07:52It's not just about, like, you don't have an undercut, do you know what I mean?
00:07:55Me having my walls up isn't by choice.
00:07:57Like, it's not something I'm in control of.
00:07:59Like, I feel like I'm blocked off and I can't unblock.
00:08:03It's just, like, how do I let these walls down?
00:08:06But at the same time, I think I'm more willing to try and get the wall down.
00:08:10There's a big decision to make today.
00:08:13I'm trying to be open and vulnerable.
00:08:15But I've had my walls up for so long,
00:08:17it's going to be really hard to change and let my guard down.
00:08:20And I'm trying to, like, give it my all and be completely open.
00:08:24And initially, that attraction wasn't there.
00:08:26So I'm intrigued to see what the experts' advice is
00:08:29or what they think is beneficial for us to do moving forward.
00:08:37Are you still feeling shit?
00:08:38Yeah, I feel terrible, to be honest.
00:08:40I feel like crap.
00:08:41Joe's feeling proper poorly, so I don't know if he's going to be able to attend the commitment ceremony.
00:08:46I'm nervous, you know.
00:08:47It's obviously, like, it's a commitment ceremony.
00:08:50And I hate feelings.
00:08:52So I'm guessing we're going to be talking about how we feel about each other.
00:08:55Joe's expressing some feelings towards us at the dinner party.
00:09:00I feel exactly the same way.
00:09:02I'm just not very good at showing it.
00:09:04But I'm obviously going to tell the experts that I really like Joe
00:09:07because I can't stop smiling when I talk about him.
00:09:09I'm feeling a little bit disappointed.
00:09:15I came away from the dinner party feeling the same about Paul as I did going in.
00:09:20I agree with Rebecca saying that Paul and I was one of the weakest couples.
00:09:25I'm struggling with the emotional connection.
00:09:30Whatever decision I make today is very important.
00:09:33I did this experiment to find love.
00:09:35So I'd be good to walk away without it.
00:09:38I'm 100% needy of the experts.
00:09:42I care very much about Anita.
00:09:46But opening up about my emotional feelings has always been a struggle for me.
00:09:50My coping mechanism is to put a barrier up.
00:09:53And I think that's something that I just found hard to break down.
00:09:56I'm not too empathetic towards her feelings, maybe.
00:10:02And it's something I need to improve on.
00:10:04Anita has compassion and patience.
00:10:07I'm hoping she stays around long enough
00:10:10and work together to build the marriage going forward.
00:10:13I've no idea where Anita stands.
00:10:15I've no idea if she's going to say stay or leave.
00:10:21What do you think about Sarah and Dean?
00:10:25He hasn't said much, but I know obviously she said bits to you.
00:10:28Oh, she did say she got the ick.
00:10:30Did she?
00:10:31Like proper ick.
00:10:32That's a bit of a sad one to be fair because he's such a nice lad.
00:10:36She said there's no physical attraction there for her at all.
00:10:38Yeah.
00:10:39There's nothing sexual for her.
00:10:41Last night, it was harder than I thought it was going to be.
00:10:51Yeah, definitely.
00:10:52It's hard to see everyone as well.
00:10:54Like be lovey-dovey.
00:10:55Mm-hmm.
00:10:56Because I'm the guy like, oh, comparison's the thief of truth.
00:10:59I'm not going to compare.
00:11:00But yeah.
00:11:01It's definitely a feeling, a lot of feelings yesterday.
00:11:04You can't help that.
00:11:05No.
00:11:06I won't, but yeah.
00:11:07I'd obviously said that I probably would compare.
00:11:10It obviously would be the attraction thing, which is for me the hardest bit.
00:11:14And last night, it was emotional at points.
00:11:17So I think, yeah, today will be the same.
00:11:19Last night's dinner party has given me a little bit of a wake-up call.
00:11:23Mine and Dean's relationship is not where I would have imagined it to be.
00:11:26It is quite hard to see other couples being quite all over each other.
00:11:30Dean and I aren't like that.
00:11:31And I think that's making me feel very emotional.
00:11:34I'm nervous about it as well, because it's kind of putting everything out there, isn't it?
00:11:39Mm-hmm.
00:11:40And it is so intense.
00:11:41I think it's only going to get intense.
00:11:42If we're honest, it can kind of only help.
00:11:45I like Sarah.
00:11:47I'm optimistic she'll say stay.
00:11:49There is reasons that we are matched.
00:11:51We're both here to kind of try and make it work.
00:11:53So, yeah, I'm confident that she'll stay.
00:11:56We're all wanting to get somewhere within this experiment.
00:11:59Yeah.
00:12:00We're both where we are.
00:12:01We're like, yeah, we need help.
00:12:02So, hopefully...
00:12:04I don't know what the experts could do to help get that spark.
00:12:09Looking at the other couples and feeling that, like, you know, sexual energy and sexual spark,
00:12:15I mean, that was like flying through the room at one point.
00:12:19I genuinely just don't know if we're going to get to it.
00:12:32So, today is the very first commitment ceremony, and we are so excited to start your journeys with you.
00:12:49This is where the hard work begins.
00:12:50This is where the hard work begins.
00:12:52It's imperative that all of you commit to being honest and open.
00:12:55Honesty is the key to the success of your marriages.
00:12:56You're all here to make a very important decision, whether to stay or leave the experiment.
00:13:00A couple can only leave the experiment if both right and wrong.
00:13:01You're all here to make a very important decision, whether to stay or leave the experiment.
00:13:13A couple can only leave the experiment if both right leave.
00:13:18If just one person wants to stay, then the couple must stay in the experiment and continue to work on their marriage.
00:13:23Now, David and Joe cannot be here today due to illness.
00:13:24But for the rest of you, let's all get down to business.
00:13:53Our first couple up to the couch tonight is Grace and Ashley.
00:14:03Come and join us, you two.
00:14:06Hello.
00:14:07Hello.
00:14:08Why don't you take us back to the wedding day, Grace?
00:14:12How did you feel leading up to the ceremony?
00:14:15I don't really know what I was expecting.
00:14:19I certainly didn't expect it to hit me like the ton of bricks that it did.
00:14:23I think I just panicked.
00:14:24I was like frustrated with myself and like berating myself and I took myself on a downward spiral.
00:14:31Later, there was talk of Ash's traditional values and being an old school gentleman.
00:14:37And I didn't really know what that meant.
00:14:39I love being an independent woman.
00:14:40And I just thought it's dead in the water before it even starts.
00:14:44How did that feel for you, Ashley?
00:14:46It was like a deer at headlights when sort of Grace was feeling the way she was.
00:14:50So that kind of made me spiral a little bit because I said from the very beginning I wanted to be unapologetically me.
00:14:56That's really hard to do when you're the reason she's feeling like she is.
00:15:01It's about terminology, isn't it?
00:15:03Yeah.
00:15:04Grace, he's old school gent and she thinks, I'm not a trad wife.
00:15:08Yeah.
00:15:09I had no idea it would even be taken that way.
00:15:11So it completely kind of wiped me off my feet because I just wasn't expecting it.
00:15:16It sounds like that was quite difficult for you.
00:15:20And then you went on the honeymoon.
00:15:22On the honeymoon.
00:15:23Okay.
00:15:24So for the first couple of days, I'm feeling upset.
00:15:27Everything made me on the brink of tears.
00:15:29I'm not the most touchy-feely person.
00:15:32And in this moment, when I was feeling so overwhelmed and so stressed and so anxious, so vulnerable,
00:15:38that not wanting to be touchy-feely, it became a huge deal.
00:15:44And Ash, in wanting to make me feel better, is like,
00:15:48are you okay?
00:15:49Are you all right?
00:15:50And I was like...
00:15:51It was making me, like, go more and more and more inside myself.
00:15:55I was struggling.
00:15:58Ash, how was that experience for you?
00:16:01If someone's feeling down, I try and make it better.
00:16:04Because the way I flirt, I've always, like, if someone likes you, they're touching you more.
00:16:08So I always thought touch was good and, like, they let them know that you like them.
00:16:12But that wasn't what she wanted or needed, and I was kind of making it worse.
00:16:18Grace, are you able to direct your own insight back to yourself here on this one
00:16:23and see where that lack of comfort with all the touching comes from?
00:16:27I don't know anyone else like me.
00:16:29I don't know anyone else that doesn't really like the feeling of, like, skin on skin.
00:16:33But I do function as an adult.
00:16:35Like, I'm a midwife.
00:16:36I rub people's backs.
00:16:37I hold people's hands.
00:16:40But this experiment...
00:16:42Okay.
00:16:47You're doing great.
00:16:48You're doing really good.
00:16:50It is confronting.
00:16:52Because for me, it's normal.
00:16:53I've always been this way.
00:16:55But then, like, looking at everyone else, finding it so easy, so natural.
00:17:00You do start to feel like a bit of a freak, and you're like...
00:17:03And it's made me question, what was I thinking?
00:17:07Why did I think I could come into this?
00:17:10What was...
00:17:11Why did I...
00:17:12Like, it makes me think, like, what a bizarre thing to do.
00:17:15Or maybe it's a brave thing to do.
00:17:17Yeah.
00:17:18Yeah, okay, thanks, Paul.
00:17:19And also, yeah.
00:17:22You know, we all have different levels of comfort with touch.
00:17:26And I think what's important here is the two of you can start talking about what those boundaries are.
00:17:31So, on this point, when you both sat here on the couch, you, Grace, you were feeling emotional.
00:17:37Yeah.
00:17:38So, Ashley, literally, I just saw him put his hand out like this, and he went to touch you.
00:17:43And he was like, uh-oh, I better not do this.
00:17:45I better not do this here.
00:17:46And then he goes...
00:17:47It was one of those, oh, yeah, I'm cool.
00:17:50And I felt for you in that moment.
00:17:52Yeah.
00:17:53But I think it's also important for you, Ashley, to be able to say, you know, I'm here for you in this moment.
00:17:58Mm-hmm.
00:17:59Mm-hmm.
00:18:00Right?
00:18:01That's right.
00:18:02To do it verbally.
00:18:03To do it verbally.
00:18:04Yeah.
00:18:05I'm very verbal as a person, anyway.
00:18:06If I feel a certain way or I'm upset with something, I just come straight out and say it.
00:18:10So, hopefully, we can sort of just keep going like that.
00:18:14So, where would you say you guys ended up at the end of the honeymoon compared with where you started?
00:18:20Full 180.
00:18:22Tell us about that.
00:18:23We just agreed that we couldn't just be strangers, and then husband and wife, I guess.
00:18:27Had to be friendship first.
00:18:29Then it was fun.
00:18:30I was cracking up.
00:18:31I was laughing so much.
00:18:32I made a conscious effort when I did feel in a good place to, like, to try and be more affectionate.
00:18:39And then I can see that she's making a big effort, and I really appreciate it.
00:18:42And hopefully she sees the same with the way I'm saying things and sort of that.
00:18:46Yeah.
00:18:47It's quite remarkable, I think, how much progress the two of you have made.
00:18:52Ashley, you're showing such patience with this woman you've just met who's showing behaviours that you don't quite understand.
00:18:58And for you, Grace, you are showing incredible bravery.
00:19:01Yeah.
00:19:02Because you're doing things so differently from how you've done them before.
00:19:05So I think it's brilliant that the two of you have come so far already.
00:19:11I think we're going to go to a decision.
00:19:14Let's start with you first, Ashley.
00:19:17So, I honestly feel like we've come so, so far.
00:19:21And I can't wait to see how far we can take this.
00:19:24And I'm really excited to do the rest of this experiment and see where we go.
00:19:28So I voted to stay.
00:19:30Brilliant.
00:19:35And to you, Grace.
00:19:37I feel really lucky that I got partnered with someone so patient, so tolerant, so willing to learn, so open-minded.
00:19:45I'm happy to be here, and I'm glad that it's with you.
00:19:48So, yeah.
00:19:49I'm going to...
00:19:50Okay.
00:19:51Aww.
00:19:56Thank you so much.
00:19:57This is a really positive journey that you've taken so far.
00:20:01Keep doing what you're doing, guys.
00:20:02You're off to a good start.
00:20:04Thank you so much.
00:20:05Thanks, guys.
00:20:06Take a seat.
00:20:15Alright, next up to the couch.
00:20:18If we can have Julia Ruth and Devani, come on up.
00:20:27Thank you so much.
00:20:32Welcome.
00:20:33Hello.
00:20:34Welcome.
00:20:35How are we doing?
00:20:36Good.
00:20:37It is so good for you both to be here, because I have so many questions.
00:20:42Can we start with the wedding?
00:20:44Oh, my God.
00:20:46Magical.
00:20:47It was wild.
00:20:48Best wedding ever.
00:20:49Best wedding ever.
00:20:50I'm not going to lie.
00:20:51The vibes were up there.
00:20:52So much fun.
00:20:53It was just like, damn, this person actually exists.
00:20:56I was stupid excited.
00:20:57I'm so excited.
00:20:58Just the true beauty that I saw in her at the beginning threw me off.
00:21:03That's big.
00:21:04Yeah.
00:21:05And I'm laughing.
00:21:06I'm snorting.
00:21:07I'm giggling.
00:21:08It was really great.
00:21:09The energy was so good.
00:21:10We were vibing.
00:21:11It started.
00:21:12Alright.
00:21:13Next day, we go on honeymoon.
00:21:14Yes.
00:21:15Honeymoon was?
00:21:16Started off great.
00:21:17Yes.
00:21:18Started off good.
00:21:19I think that we arrived in Morocco, and that was when it hit me.
00:21:27Okay, I'm married.
00:21:28So I did, like, kind of feel overwhelmed.
00:21:31And I'm trying to find some joyous moments for us to build some sort of, like, emotional connection.
00:21:38Can you explain that?
00:21:40The physical didn't come naturally, so I'm like, let's build the...
00:21:44We're having so much fun and we're laughing that maybe that comes that way.
00:21:48But everything is really heavy and deep.
00:21:51It's always intense.
00:21:53Can you give an example?
00:21:56Yeah.
00:21:57For us.
00:21:58So we were on the camels, and I asked you, what is your, like, biggest fear?
00:22:03And then you spiraled into the deepest conversation I've ever had in my life, which was shocking.
00:22:10You went on and you were like, it's always just been me.
00:22:13Always end up in these situations.
00:22:14No one's ever gonna love me.
00:22:15It's always gonna be me by myself.
00:22:17It's all this dark stuff.
00:22:18And I'm sitting there and I'm like, bro, like...
00:22:20Can I ask you a question, though?
00:22:21Yeah.
00:22:22You've just asked about his deepest fear.
00:22:26Mm.
00:22:27Fears are dark.
00:22:28I know that fear is a big word, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information that is being dumped onto me continuously.
00:22:37It feels like trauma dumping.
00:22:41We talk about deep stuff so much.
00:22:43There's inappropriate times where I just feel like I want to have fun with you.
00:22:48Devani, in that moment, how did you interpret what was happening?
00:22:52Answering that question was very personal to me, for sure.
00:22:55But it was just me opening up at that moment.
00:22:58And I just expressed myself the way I needed to express myself.
00:23:03Devani, do you feel clear when the right time is to talk in a deep way and when to kind of have a bit of fun?
00:23:11Do you feel clear in terms of what Julia Roof wants from you?
00:23:14Sometimes when I communicate, it can go on and on and on and on.
00:23:19It's just finding that balance of just choosing a part of information.
00:23:23I mean, maybe I can pick it up and then feed it another time.
00:23:25Right.
00:23:26Right.
00:23:27All right.
00:23:28Vital information missed.
00:23:30I obviously had the argument after the camels and it erupted.
00:23:34Devani's heightened and jittery and upset.
00:23:38And I don't like how you handled that situation.
00:23:40You don't back down.
00:23:42You get more intense.
00:23:45And you're going at me.
00:23:46And you did that last night after the dinner party too.
00:23:49And I'm like, whoa, like, okay, this isn't gonna work.
00:23:54I needed to get things off my chest.
00:23:56But you agree though, it was explosive.
00:23:58It was a bit explosive, yeah.
00:23:59Okay.
00:24:00So that is a major detail.
00:24:03So we have two issues of poor communication that happens on the honeymoon.
00:24:09And Julia Roof, what you're telling me is that there's many of these.
00:24:11Many of these.
00:24:12So, honeymoon, not so good.
00:24:15You come back, you move in to the apartment.
00:24:18How did you feel about your marriage when you walked into the dinner party?
00:24:22We sat down and had a conversation.
00:24:23We said we're gonna be on the same page at the dinner party.
00:24:25So, like, if we're getting asked the questions by people, how's your, like, time been?
00:24:29The wedding was great.
00:24:30It's been good and it's been really bad.
00:24:31For sure.
00:24:32But I sit down and talk to people.
00:24:33And then when I tell them how the relationship's going, they were like, oh, like, that's not
00:24:35what I've heard.
00:24:36And I'm like, what do you mean that's not what you've heard?
00:24:37It's been, you've been really good, like, smooth sailing.
00:24:38That's why I was very confused.
00:24:39Because I go around looking like a dickhead saying that our relationship's been turbulent.
00:24:43And he is saying it's been a hiccup flying.
00:24:44Okay.
00:24:45That's not even remotely close to what's been going on in a relationship.
00:24:48I know that, obviously, we went through our shit, but I was going into the dinner party
00:24:54hopeful and I was going into the dinner party.
00:24:57And he's saying, it's been a hiccup flying.
00:25:00Okay.
00:25:01That's not even remotely close to what's been going on in a relationship.
00:25:07I know that obviously we went through our shit,
00:25:10but I was going into the dinner party hopeful.
00:25:13You know, I'm curious.
00:25:14You mentioned there was an argument last night.
00:25:17What happened after the dinner party?
00:25:19I mean, back to the apartment.
00:25:21I did confront that, and I was just getting things off my chest.
00:25:23You always say you're getting things off your chest,
00:25:25and it's not fun because you attacked me.
00:25:27I want us to have the space so we don't yell at each other.
00:25:31And that's why I say, go and breathe and come back to me
00:25:34when you can talk to me like a person.
00:25:36You don't talk to me like a person.
00:25:37You go at me.
00:25:40You don't listen to me.
00:25:41I'm like, should I go to another room?
00:25:43And you're going at me.
00:25:45Okay, well, then I'm going to go to another room.
00:25:47And you get more intense and more intense and more intense.
00:25:51You get so heightened, and I can't communicate with you.
00:25:55I don't like that.
00:25:57You get more intense and more intense and more intense.
00:26:14You get so heightened, and I can't communicate with you.
00:26:18I don't like that.
00:26:19You know what's so interesting about you two?
00:26:27You're the most hot and cold couple in this experiment.
00:26:32Wedding?
00:26:32Oh, my gosh.
00:26:33Ten, ten wedding.
00:26:34I can't believe it.
00:26:35By the next day, it's like, I don't even know if I want to be with this person, right?
00:26:39So what do you want from this relationship?
00:26:46So what I want is a companion, someone that's very supportive, someone that understands me in the whole entirety, obviously having fun.
00:26:53That's what I'm looking for.
00:26:54Okay.
00:26:55And you still want that in Julia Ruth?
00:26:58Yes.
00:26:59Okay.
00:26:59Julia Ruth.
00:27:00What do you want?
00:27:01I want someone who's going to go 50-50 or 60-40 at different times with me in terms of energy.
00:27:09I don't mind being there for you.
00:27:11I don't mind you unloading to me.
00:27:13If anyone, I feel like I've got you.
00:27:16Let's also enjoy each other.
00:27:17I want to have that feeling of, like, we're laughing so hard that the physical intimacy kicks off.
00:27:23We don't have that.
00:27:24And that's why I said, like, coming back to the apartments, I'm very excited because then I can take you out on dates and actually have those memorable moments of actually having fun.
00:27:33That's why coming and moving into the apartments was a thrill.
00:27:37The other thing, Giovanni, too, is I think what's very important, and I hear Julia Ruth wanting as well, is for you to listen.
00:27:44And sometimes listening means I'm going to take a cool-off period.
00:27:48And then during that period, reflecting upon what your partner said, what your partner feels, what their emotion is.
00:27:55So, therefore, you're coming back in a position where you can actually resolve the conflict.
00:28:03You know, I have hope.
00:28:05Ultimately, you know what you both said?
00:28:07You want to have someone who will support you.
00:28:09And I think that's the place to remain focused on.
00:28:12Be each other's support.
00:28:14Okay?
00:28:14Can we go to a decision?
00:28:19Giovanni, why don't you take us away?
00:28:22Julia Ruth, it's been difficult.
00:28:24It's been proper difficult throughout this honeymoon.
00:28:29But obviously, I'm here for a reason, and I do believe in us.
00:28:33So, my actual decision is for me to stay.
00:28:38For me, it's tricky.
00:28:51For me, it's tricky.
00:28:51For me, the vibes on the wedding day were unreal.
00:28:57I just haven't seen you let your hair loose and just have a fun, lighthearted conversation and just have giggles with me and create fun memories.
00:29:07I don't need everything to be picked apart and I don't like spending time away from you and I don't like spending time away from you because I miss you.
00:29:20So, I think I have chosen to stay.
00:29:25I think it's going to take a lot of work for Giovanni and I to fix and restart or mend our relationship.
00:29:47I hold on to so dearly the moments from the wedding.
00:29:50I want to stay because I'm fighting for those moments.
00:29:54I've shared how I felt and I think it's now up to him how he processes the information.
00:30:03Next up to the couch...
00:30:08Rebecca and Bailey.
00:30:14Hello.
00:30:15Hello.
00:30:16Good to see the two of you.
00:30:19Looking extremely comfortable with one another.
00:30:22I'm absolutely loving this.
00:30:25Okay, so I'm super keen to hear about your wedding.
00:30:28Kind of a roller coaster.
00:30:30Okay.
00:30:31Initial reaction, turning around, stunning.
00:30:33Absolutely gorgeous.
00:30:34I feel like the only thing...
00:30:36I just couldn't catch a vibe, I feel like.
00:30:38I was a bit thrown by it.
00:30:40Yeah.
00:30:41And then throughout the day, he kind of just followed on that path for me.
00:30:43Just up and down like a yo-yo.
00:30:45So, it sounds like you were trying to work out what is she feeling.
00:30:49Yeah.
00:30:50And Rebecca, what was the experience like for you?
00:30:53I think I had in my mind, I would get to the end of the aisle and there would be massive sparks flying.
00:31:00Because that's what I'm used to, like that initial big attraction.
00:31:04And we didn't have that.
00:31:07I know that for you, it's really important to have someone that is very much an alpha male.
00:31:12Yeah.
00:31:13And that was something that was quite difficult for you.
00:31:16On the wedding day, I struggled with that because I couldn't see like the real Bailey.
00:31:19And I was like, oh my God, is he, you know, am I going to eat him alive?
00:31:23And that made me go into my shell.
00:31:27I was crying through the vows.
00:31:28I was very overwhelmed.
00:31:31Take me to the honeymoon.
00:31:32Did that get any better?
00:31:34It changed everything.
00:31:36We really, really got on.
00:31:38Yeah.
00:31:39I started talking, laughing.
00:31:40Tables started turning.
00:31:41I saw him for who he was and I thought, wow, like I can really connect with this person.
00:31:46You call me a golden retriever.
00:31:47Yeah, he's got golden retriever energy.
00:31:49I've got black hat energy.
00:31:50Yeah.
00:31:51We match so well in that way.
00:31:52Yeah.
00:31:53So we started to have a little bit of a giggle, like, yeah, a little bit of laugh, which like,
00:31:56I like, I can connect over.
00:31:58Bailey is who he is through and through.
00:32:00He doesn't put on a show or anything like that.
00:32:03Is this a definition of an alpha man?
00:32:05A hundred percent.
00:32:07He knows how to look after me whilst allowing me to just completely be myself.
00:32:12I go to the gym.
00:32:13I can carry my bags, can do things for myself.
00:32:15Bailey takes away anything that he can do while still making me feel that I'm capable.
00:32:22I do like to do the little things like going at the bar, getting your drink, carrying your bags.
00:32:26Little, just little things.
00:32:27They're only small.
00:32:28But because she was like super independent, I could do everything on my own.
00:32:32It kind of felt better when she putting that trust into me and kind of relinquishing a little bit of that independence that she has was nice.
00:32:38Well, you say that they're small things, but it sounds like they're small things with a big meaning.
00:32:42Yeah.
00:32:43And it's not just like little acts of service like that.
00:32:46It's like the little glance across the room or like the, are you okay?
00:32:49And the, I do it back to him.
00:32:51Like there is a real connection there.
00:32:53Yeah.
00:32:54Well, I think that helps me to kind of neatly go on to the next question around intimacy.
00:32:59So how are things going in the intimacy department?
00:33:01Really?
00:33:02Um, yeah, all good.
00:33:06Yeah, really good.
00:33:07Yeah.
00:33:08Very well matched in that department.
00:33:10Um, so no complaints.
00:33:13I can't stop.
00:33:14Yeah.
00:33:15Rebecca, do you want to help in here?
00:33:16No.
00:33:17I'm sweating here, aren't I?
00:33:19No, everything's good on that front.
00:33:21Yeah.
00:33:22Great.
00:33:23Well, I am so excited with this union.
00:33:25And it's just so nice to see the physical affection between the two of you.
00:33:29The way you have each other's back.
00:33:31Yeah, we're constantly laughing and joking at home.
00:33:33Loads of fun.
00:33:34I mean, I ask for like a little bestie and that's just what I've got.
00:33:37Yeah, it's a good feeling.
00:33:39It's, it feels secure.
00:33:41So let's go to the decisions.
00:33:44If we can start with you, Rebecca.
00:33:46Yeah.
00:33:47From our wedding day, this is, I never ever expected to be in this position now.
00:33:52I think more than anything, I just love how you make me feel.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:33:56So, it's an easy one for me.
00:33:58It's a stay.
00:33:59Thank you, Rebecca.
00:34:01And Bailey, what's your decision?
00:34:04I'm really enjoying just getting to know you.
00:34:07I love just spending time with you at home.
00:34:09And I'm looking forward to that carrying on.
00:34:12So, I've decided to.
00:34:13I'm upside down, but I'll stay.
00:34:21So, Rebecca and Bailey, the couple to watch.
00:34:23I'm excited.
00:34:24Oh, God.
00:34:25Look forward to seeing you next week.
00:34:26Cheers.
00:34:27Really appreciate it.
00:34:29Next up to the couch, Sarah and Dean.
00:34:48Hello.
00:34:49Hello.
00:34:50There.
00:34:51So, how are we both?
00:34:53Yeah, nervous.
00:34:54Nervous.
00:34:55I'm nervous.
00:34:56Yeah, I'm good.
00:34:57No, no, good.
00:34:58Okay.
00:34:59So, can we go to the wedding?
00:35:02Mm-hmm.
00:35:03So, the moment you saw Sarah, what did you think?
00:35:07Seeing that, I thought, the energy's here.
00:35:09And I was like, she's a beautiful girl as well.
00:35:11And I was like, yeah, this is good.
00:35:13You would say physically attractive, check?
00:35:16Yeah, yeah, definitely.
00:35:17Sexually attractive?
00:35:18Yeah, I guess I thought I could have sex with her.
00:35:22Okay.
00:35:23But it's important to know, because there is a distinction between the two.
00:35:28Yeah, yeah.
00:35:29So, okay.
00:35:30Sarah, how did you feel going in to the wedding?
00:35:33I was very nervous.
00:35:35And I think I had envisioned in my head of who was going to be at the end of the aisle.
00:35:39And what was that vision?
00:35:41Okay, so, I'll be honest.
00:35:45Yeah.
00:35:46Yeah.
00:35:47Tall.
00:35:50I love tattoos.
00:35:51So, covered in tattoos.
00:35:53Probably look like they've just come out of jail.
00:35:55I'm not going to lie.
00:35:56Because that was your quote unquote type.
00:36:01Okay.
00:36:02What else?
00:36:03I mean, I do also like a guy that's, like, into fitness and gym.
00:36:08So, yeah, I mean, maybe...
00:36:12Physical as well.
00:36:15It wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
00:36:17Okay.
00:36:21I don't want to hurt your feelings.
00:36:22Yeah, it's got to be honest.
00:36:23I promise, you're not going to hurt my feelings.
00:36:25Dean, are you okay?
00:36:26You're literally fine.
00:36:27Fine.
00:36:28It's so good. It's so good.
00:36:30Okay.
00:36:31It was an honest start.
00:36:32We appreciate that.
00:36:34So, let's move to the honeymoon.
00:36:38Yeah, it was hard.
00:36:39I had, like, a wobble.
00:36:41Because I sing a lot.
00:36:42And, um, you're like, it can get a little bit grating, isn't it?
00:36:45You're like, yeah, it's a bit...
00:36:46Yeah, it was just a lot of random outbursts of singing.
00:36:50It was getting just a little bit...
00:36:52I was like, I'm getting...
00:36:53I'm getting irritated by this.
00:36:54Okay.
00:36:55Because I don't really like sharing my emotions too much.
00:36:58But if you listen to the song I'm singing, that's how I'm feeling.
00:37:01Mm-hmm.
00:37:02So, I'll be singing, like, a sad song.
00:37:03And if you listen to The Wild, I'm like, that's how I'm feeling.
00:37:05So, are you saying that you were sad during the honeymoon?
00:37:07Oh, yeah.
00:37:08Well, I was at a point.
00:37:11We had a meal, and we was talking.
00:37:13And I reverted back to, like, the little fat kid at school
00:37:16who's trying to fit in, you know?
00:37:17I've not been that so long, because I've built myself up so much.
00:37:21I guess doubts, you know, started coming, and then I was like,
00:37:24oh, man, I don't like this.
00:37:28And that was a real low.
00:37:29And that's when I spoke to Sarah about it.
00:37:32That's when I was like, let's just enjoy getting to know each other.
00:37:35You know what's interesting?
00:37:36I think when there are painful moments, we try to go past them quickly.
00:37:41Yeah, probably not.
00:37:43You just said something that touches upon a moment in childhood.
00:37:46Yeah, yeah.
00:37:48Let's give that respect.
00:37:50I felt like what?
00:37:51The fat kid, like, back at school.
00:37:54And what made you feel that way?
00:37:57Probably feeling like, in all honesty, like a bit of rejection.
00:38:01You know, and not feeling like I was enough.
00:38:03And what was it that made you feel like you were rejected and not enough?
00:38:10The physical attraction thing is something that kind of, I guess,
00:38:13hits me more than I think it does.
00:38:15Yeah, it put my defenses up.
00:38:18You know, like, that I didn't like it.
00:38:21Yeah.
00:38:23So when you both leave the honeymoon,
00:38:26are you at all optimistic about your marriage?
00:38:29I was super because, like, we get on so well, we're always having a great time.
00:38:34And there's no one else I'd rather be with in this.
00:38:37For me, I was like, yeah, this could be, like...
00:38:39This could be something.
00:38:40Yeah, yeah, 100%.
00:38:42So were you optimistic at all, Sarah?
00:38:44I was optimistic.
00:38:46We have been matched for a reason, and I can see why.
00:38:48I think my problem is people I've dated or been with,
00:38:49I've always had that initial attraction.
00:38:51I've always wanted to rip their clothes off and just eat them.
00:38:54Just, you know, that feeling.
00:38:55And I'm really struggling because I don't have that with Dean.
00:38:57But then I've got everything else.
00:38:58But you wanted someone who was going to be funny.
00:38:59You wanted someone who could be a support system for you.
00:39:02So, Sarah, you feel as if Dean is everything that you need.
00:39:05Oh, that's what I said.
00:39:06I said, I'm the husband you need, not the one you want.
00:39:07And I don't want him to change the...
00:39:08Like, I, you know, the singing and the rapping, it did irritate me.
00:39:11It did.
00:39:12I mean, the raps and the songs sort of stopped.
00:39:13So he's receptive to modifying his behaviour.
00:39:14Yeah.
00:39:15So what behaviour are you modifying?
00:39:16Yeah.
00:39:17So what behaviour are you modifying?
00:39:18Yeah.
00:39:19So what behaviour are you modifying?
00:39:20Yeah.
00:39:21So what behaviour are you modifying?
00:39:22Is there any modification that you think that you need?
00:39:23I don't know.
00:39:24You feel like you're good?
00:39:25You're doing everything appropriately.
00:39:26I feel like I'm...
00:39:27I feel like I'm...
00:39:28I feel like I'm...
00:39:29I feel like I'm...
00:39:30I feel like I'm awesome.
00:39:31I feel like I'm good.
00:39:32I'm like, I'm not the one you want.
00:39:33I'm not the one you want.
00:39:34And I don't want him to change the...
00:39:36Like, I, I...
00:39:37You know, the singing and the rapping, it did irritate me.
00:39:40It did.
00:39:41I mean, the raps and the songs sort of stopped.
00:39:42So he's receptive to modifying his behaviour.
00:39:44Yeah.
00:39:45So what behaviour are you modifying?
00:39:47Is there any modification that you think that you need?
00:39:51i feel like i'm doing everything okay i think the communication is great i think your honesty is
00:39:56great as well you're giving it everything and that's all i all i wanted dean what we've seen
00:40:00here is you kind of rescuing sarah in this that says a lot about you in terms of the kind-hearted
00:40:05person that you are but i think at the moment it feels a little bit like dean you're willing to
00:40:11modify behavior you're willing to reel in the singing a little bit and the rapping
00:40:16but what we're asking sarah is is what are you willing to do what are you willing to change
00:40:22i don't know so i've got something for you oh god okay
00:40:30you could begin by stopping the disrespect of your husband
00:40:38let me take you to the dinner party okay someone disrespects you what are they doing
00:40:45well they're being rude they're being rude what else they're being mean do you think that you
00:40:52were rude while talking about your partner at the dinner party i was gonna get him this
00:41:01i mean i maybe said you'd given me the ick with some things that i did said
00:41:04so in other words you disrespected your husband
00:41:14i get the challenge around physical attraction but where you absolutely lost me is when you went
00:41:19around gossiping about your husband to other people and you were laughing at it
00:41:24oh was i i didn't mean to laugh well you were okay and i thought this man is talking about how
00:41:32lovely his partner is and you are on the other side of the room disrespecting him
00:41:40i don't think i said that much did i you know what disrespect i know i know i know one iota of
00:41:46disrespect is too much you are on the other side of the room disrespecting him i think i said that
00:42:03much did i you know what disrespect i know i know i know one iota of disrespect is too much
00:42:16i'm so sorry i'm sorry these relationships are a two-way street and really what i want you to
00:42:25think about is how can i be considerate to my partner hi yeah i there's no excuse for saying
00:42:32what i suggested and i really apologize dean are you okay i was kind of caught me off that yeah
00:42:40i found yesterday really hard as well i'm sorry this couch is a very difficult place but it is a
00:42:53place where relationships are broken or where they grow now the physical and sexual attraction it's
00:43:01significant but the best antidote is just to say how can i every day work on
00:43:10strengthening my relationship and as long as you are continuing to make progress
00:43:15week after week after week think of where you'll be at the end on that note
00:43:22i would like to go to a decision okay and i would love to start with dean first
00:43:35it's obviously been a proper like emotional time like together like
00:43:39hard and like like how do we get to that next stage because how can i make someone fancy me if they
00:43:47don't but i do think we have got a good base and i'm hoping it will come now i'm still optimistic
00:43:54i think this could be something special you know something different so it is a stay
00:44:01thank you so much sarah
00:44:13this journey has just been so up and down i can see all of the reasons why we've been matched
00:44:22and i really wanted the nice guy and i've got him and i just really wanted to work because you're such a
00:44:27nice guy
00:44:32so i have decided to stay
00:44:35stay stay okay
00:44:42we applaud that you're staying and what i would encourage you to do is think about how every day
00:44:50you can develop something that is strengthening your relationship thank you see us thank you guys
00:45:06i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay we're gonna be okay
00:45:17it was really hard to hear what paul had to say and i apologize and yeah i'm sorry it's not me it's
00:45:22not who i am and maybe if i did have that spark i wouldn't have said anything like that because
00:45:28i wouldn't have but there's not the spark there so that's that was the only reason why i said it
00:45:33i haven't meant it maliciously at all i don't want to hurt anyone i'm being treated myself but then
00:45:40it's coming across really badly so
00:45:46yeah it's been really hard a week
00:45:47hearing that sarah has been disrespecting me has caught me off guard that is my
00:45:56probably biggest red flag it does hurt me and i can also feel myself like dwindling my shine and
00:46:01i don't want to lose me from here i think we're at a low but i think that's when you bounce back
00:46:10there is so much there like i'm still willing to trust and build but it can never happen again are you
00:46:15joking me it can never ever happen again
00:46:25sarah are you okay yeah i just yeah i just feel bad we want everyone to grow right and so anytime we
00:46:32see something we'll call it out but if you ever disagree if there's a disagreement hold us
00:46:37accountable to the disagreement as well okay thank you next up to the couch we have kia
00:46:53hi kia hello good to see you good to see you sad to see that david's not here me too so how was your
00:47:01wedding the wedding was amazing i was incredibly nervous but then david grabbed both my hands and
00:47:08said he got us it kind of can't be down and made me feel really grounded and safe lovely and in terms
00:47:15of attraction would you say there was a real attraction there oh 100 have you seen david
00:47:21we've all seen david he's got the most beautiful brown eyes with these little orange flecks like his
00:47:27smile lights up an entire room he's just fantastic it sounds like you guys got off to a really brilliant
00:47:35start yeah so let's move on to my favorite question uh how's the intimacy in your relationship it's
00:47:43wonderful thank you it's great thank you i love that response it's great it feels like you practiced
00:47:49that the intimacy or the response the two of you sounds like you're in a really really good place
00:48:00and it's so lovely to see the progress of this relationship
00:48:04so we know that david is a man of many words and he has very kindly written a letter for you
00:48:13thank you okay great hey there you beautiful human i have no words to explain how amazing you are
00:48:26and how much i adore you this last week i have seen us go from strength to strength
00:48:33and i could not be more proud to have you as my husband ikea that i'm falling for
00:48:39more i'm sorry that i'm not there to let you know in person how much you mean to me so for sure
00:48:45i'll stay as long as you want me to david
00:48:55powerful words yeah it means a lot it means everything yeah we know what david's response is
00:49:01to you what's your decision um david is finding ways to make me smile every single day i'm honestly
00:49:09loving absolutely every second and can safely say i'm falling for him too which no one tell him
00:49:15before i get a chance to so i will of course stay nice nice thank you so much kia we love love
00:49:28so it's so amazing to see how well the two of you are matched fabulous thank you so much
00:49:34thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
00:49:39that's so cool thank you i am framing that next on the couch if we could have
00:49:45amazing here with us you won't let ourektivografum guest Mattiyoruz
00:49:50and we're all kind of Ñ„ines maro
00:49:59wow ladies
00:50:02how are you both good phenomenal all right can we start with the wedding
00:50:07it's just a mad experience yeah it was surreal
00:50:09Yeah.
00:50:10It was surreal.
00:50:12So what did you think when you saw Leigh?
00:50:14I thought she was really cute.
00:50:15And obviously she's beautiful.
00:50:17I think straight away I just had this thing in my head.
00:50:19I was like, she's going to be an annoying little princess.
00:50:22I think because I've seen princess dress
00:50:24and then I've seen she had a little bit of attitude
00:50:26and I thought, nah, she's all right.
00:50:29All right.
00:50:30So Leigh, what did you think?
00:50:35I think it was just a bit of a shock
00:50:37because it's like so far from what I would normally go for
00:50:40in a romantic sense.
00:50:42I'd never go for more feminine women.
00:50:46It's not just about physical type,
00:50:48like hair colour or eye colour or things like that.
00:50:51I've never felt physically attracted to a girly woman.
00:50:55I can appreciate their beauty.
00:50:57I can say that they look stunning, which Leigh absolutely is.
00:50:59But there's like a persona of a person in the gay community
00:51:04that I'm usually attracted to.
00:51:06And Leigh is not that person.
00:51:09Fair enough.
00:51:10And that's a great explanation.
00:51:12But I've realised since being in this experiment with Leigh
00:51:15that I've spent the last year and a bit
00:51:19since I became single
00:51:20building myself up from being really let down by someone.
00:51:23And I've realised I've shut myself off so much
00:51:29from when I was hurt
00:51:31that I'm now struggling to turn it back on.
00:51:35And I'm like, I don't know how to get it going again.
00:51:38Leigh, what you're telling us is that,
00:51:39hey, I've had the door shut
00:51:41and it was bolted shut
00:51:43and I'm now just taking the locks off of the door.
00:51:46So challenging to start a marriage like this.
00:51:50All right.
00:51:51But now the work that you need to do
00:51:53is how do you establish a stronger emotional connection?
00:51:59And I think the beauty is that
00:52:01the result is going to be positive no matter what.
00:52:04Like it's going to lead to better understanding of self.
00:52:07Yeah.
00:52:07It maybe just leads to, you know what?
00:52:08I'm now willing to open the door all the way, right?
00:52:12But no matter what, it's going to be a win.
00:52:15Yeah.
00:52:15I think the worry is like,
00:52:18how do we get to the next step?
00:52:20This is a popular question.
00:52:22How do you get out of the friend zone?
00:52:23I find one of the most productive strategies
00:52:26is to think about how you would behave
00:52:30outside of the friend zone
00:52:31and just behave like that.
00:52:33That's what I have actually been trying to do.
00:52:35Like I'm a little bit more,
00:52:36okay, I need to be vulnerable.
00:52:38I need to be open.
00:52:38I don't even feel like you're necessarily
00:52:40like going through these paces though
00:52:42because you are just being open and vulnerable.
00:52:45Yeah.
00:52:45Do you know what I mean?
00:52:46I'm still trying.
00:52:47Like I'm trying to be like that.
00:52:49If I'm honest,
00:52:49I feel like who's more willing to make this work?
00:52:52100% me, yeah.
00:52:53In my opinion.
00:52:56You are making more of an effort.
00:52:57You are being tactile.
00:52:58You are doing all of these things
00:53:00and I'm not able to get there.
00:53:03Leah, if you were not in the friend zone,
00:53:06what would your relationship look like?
00:53:08I think being more tactile with one other,
00:53:11maybe more flirty with one another,
00:53:13having a snog now and again.
00:53:15Okay.
00:53:16Everything that you've said that you would need
00:53:18is what I would be
00:53:20if those natural feelings were there.
00:53:23But I've just had a block there.
00:53:25It's stopping me from doing it
00:53:27because I've never wanted to feel like I'm leading Leah on.
00:53:29I just don't see it that deep.
00:53:31I can have a flare and have a snog now and again,
00:53:33I don't see it that deep.
00:53:34Like, and it's never going to lead me on.
00:53:36I overthink it a bit.
00:53:37She overthinks.
00:53:38I'm not an overthinker.
00:53:40At the end of the day,
00:53:41I would encourage you to experiment
00:53:44with what the behavior is
00:53:46to be out of the friend zone.
00:53:49Whatever that is, practice that.
00:53:52So, let's go to the decision.
00:53:54Leah, you'll go first.
00:53:57I feel like it has been a tough week for me this week.
00:54:01But I'm optimistic and I'm very hopeful.
00:54:05I see why we've been matched in so many different ways
00:54:09and I'm happy and grateful I've been matched with us
00:54:11so I vote stay.
00:54:20I know that I've been a little bit difficult to deal with
00:54:23because my head's been a little bit all over the place.
00:54:26You've been so patient
00:54:30and still thrown yourself into it 100%
00:54:34and been completely vulnerable with me
00:54:35even when I haven't been able to give that back to you
00:54:38and so that I'm really grateful for.
00:54:44Yeah, and I am hopeful to see where it goes.
00:54:47So, for that reason, I vote stay.
00:54:49Well done to both of you.
00:54:58Stop overthinking everything.
00:54:59I'm going to try.
00:55:00Right?
00:55:01Just be in the moment.
00:55:02Thank you so much.
00:55:16Next up to the couch, if we can have Anita and Paul.
00:55:19Hey, guys.
00:55:27Hi.
00:55:27Hey, hey.
00:55:28Hi.
00:55:29How are you both?
00:55:31Okay, yeah.
00:55:31Yeah, yeah.
00:55:32Okay, all right.
00:55:33Yeah.
00:55:33Let's go to the wedding.
00:55:35Anita, what were your thoughts?
00:55:37There was a fun element straight away.
00:55:39We kind of laughed nearly all day, didn't we?
00:55:41Yeah.
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:43It was a good day.
00:55:44All right.
00:55:45Paul, how was the day for you?
00:55:46A bit of excitement, then laughter.
00:55:50Conversation was very easy.
00:55:52After talking for a while, I thought there was potential to build.
00:55:56I thought, okay, now it begins.
00:56:00Now it begins.
00:56:01All right.
00:56:01So you're looking forward to the honeymoon?
00:56:04Yeah.
00:56:04I thought we could build from the wedding day.
00:56:08Anita, are you looking forward to the honeymoon?
00:56:11Yeah, because he is a fun guy to be around.
00:56:14He did make me laugh nearly all day.
00:56:16So, yeah, going forward, I knew we could have a good time.
00:56:20So, as we go into the honeymoon, you begin to investigate shared values, shared outlook on life.
00:56:26What did you notice that the two of you shared?
00:56:29So much.
00:56:30So much.
00:56:31Okay, like what?
00:56:32I've got the same values.
00:56:33Same values?
00:56:34Yeah, family orientated.
00:56:36Okay.
00:56:36Same morals.
00:56:38All right.
00:56:38It feels like things are good.
00:56:40The outside stuff matched us perfectly.
00:56:44But when it comes to the inner deep stuff, the emotional and the attraction, we couldn't be so far apart on the scale.
00:56:51Paul, Paul's a good talker, but when you pin him down to talk, he deviates around the relationship side.
00:57:01So are you really saying Paul wasn't emotionally connecting with you?
00:57:07No connection, no emotional connection, no communication.
00:57:12Yeah, just miles apart.
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:16Okay.
00:57:16And to be fair, I didn't really give Anita anything emotional to grip on to.
00:57:21All my other barriers are down.
00:57:22Right.
00:57:23All my cards are on the table, and I think Anita knows that she saw them.
00:57:27I struggle to open up emotionally.
00:57:29It's hard for me.
00:57:31Paul, when you and I met on a one-to-one, I felt like you were quite open.
00:57:36So I'm wondering, was there something that you needed in this interaction to have made you feel a little bit more able to open up?
00:57:45I can interact all day.
00:57:47I can talk to you all day.
00:57:49When it comes to affairs of the heart with the opposite sex in our relationship, I'm a different beast.
00:57:54That's when it feels a bit difficult to do.
00:57:56It feels extremely awkward and difficult, yeah.
00:58:00It sounds like on the honeymoon, Anita, you were observing Paul in terms of his emotional availability.
00:58:06You have placed him in this box, but it sounds like you've permanently placed him in the box because everyone can become emotionally available.
00:58:18Did you feel like, because he's not bringing that to the table now, I want nothing to do with him?
00:58:26No.
00:58:27I put him in that box because he said he wasn't in that headspace to be available.
00:58:34He's on a self-discovery journey, and I'm on a love journey.
00:58:37So until he's discovered himself and found out what he actually really needs in his life.
00:58:42Are those two mutually exclusive?
00:58:45They're on different paths.
00:58:46Are they, Anita?
00:58:49I have no idea.
00:58:51What we're saying is that the two can exist together, so you can be on a journey to find love, and you can also find yourself on that journey as well.
00:59:01Yeah.
00:59:02Okay.
00:59:03All right.
00:59:04Honeymoon is done.
00:59:05Yep.
00:59:05You move into the apartments.
00:59:07Ish.
00:59:09Ish.
00:59:10For about ten minutes.
00:59:11What happened?
00:59:13Went into the apartments, and I just thought, I just don't know if I can do this.
00:59:17The thing that tipped me over the edge, it was like a make or break thing in my head.
00:59:22It was just like, Paul, what's the name of my two children?
00:59:25And he just went.
00:59:28That was the communication thing, and the lack of interest in me was kind of like, well.
00:59:35And was that because Paul hadn't asked you the names of your children?
00:59:40I've spoke about my children.
00:59:41I've actually said the names.
00:59:43Right.
00:59:43The grandchildren as well have spoke about them.
00:59:45So you felt like Paul just wasn't listening to you?
00:59:48And because he wasn't listening, he wasn't truly interested in you?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:52Okay.
00:59:53In my brain, there's no real point of pursuing it.
00:59:58Okay.
00:59:59That's interesting.
00:59:59So, Paul, what's your take?
01:00:00I have my children's tattoos, names, and dates of birth on my arm for a reason.
01:00:04So I can't remember nothing.
01:00:06I talk constantly, and I put all my cards on the table.
01:00:09Because that's how I operate.
01:00:11I volunteer the information.
01:00:13How Anita operates this, she likes to be asked the information.
01:00:20So, at the end of the day, why are you here?
01:00:25To find love.
01:00:27Well, what does that mean to you?
01:00:29A partner in crime.
01:00:30Somebody to walk alongside us.
01:00:34Still be holding hands when we're 80.
01:00:36Somebody who's there for you.
01:00:37Now, Paul, what do you want?
01:00:47Invariably, I want to find a partner.
01:00:48I want to find love.
01:00:50I want to cry with somebody, laugh with someone.
01:00:52So, how is what you just said, Paul, and what you just said, Anita, different in terms of what you're looking for?
01:01:01Or is it the same?
01:01:04I want love.
01:01:05Is what you described what Paul just described?
01:01:09Yeah.
01:01:10Okay, so what's the problem?
01:01:13Ultimately, you both said you want to have someone who will support you.
01:01:17And I think that's the place to remain focused on, is be each other's support.
01:01:24Can we go to a decision?
01:01:29Anita.
01:01:34Paul is a lovely man.
01:01:37He's the gentleman I asked for.
01:01:39He really is attentive.
01:01:42I'm totally saying why.
01:01:44You matched us all.
01:01:47But I still feel that I'm missing something.
01:01:55So, for that reason, I won't leave.
01:02:15I'm missing something.
01:02:17So, for that reason, I won't leave.
01:02:26So, Paul?
01:02:37Um, for me, it's about building that trust and respect.
01:02:45Building that emotional bond.
01:02:47I'm sorry it wasn't happening at the start.
01:02:50I do apologize for that.
01:02:52I feel a little bit inadequate that I didn't provide that.
01:02:57Fine.
01:03:04But it's the start of the journey.
01:03:05I'm going to stay.
01:03:06So, if one person writes, stay, then the couple must stay and continue to work on their relationship.
01:03:22Now, let me give you my opinion.
01:03:26The miscommunication is in the listening and the asking of the questions.
01:03:31If those are done, this relationship becomes stronger.
01:03:37So, are you prepared to give this a go?
01:03:39Yep.
01:03:48Woo!
01:03:49Hey!
01:03:50Woo!
01:03:52Paul, are you prepared to give this a go?
01:03:55Yes!
01:03:56Yes!
01:03:59All right.
01:04:00Paul clearly you have homework to do here yep and Anita you think about what
01:04:05can you be doing to strengthen the relationship thank you both thank you
01:04:10thanks very much thank you guys I won't leave because we're supporting wasting
01:04:17time I'm hoping that Paul takes the experts advice and he has listened this
01:04:22time doesn't listen much to me so hopefully he has a light bulb moment and
01:04:27things yeah I've got to try opening up rejections are very difficult thing to
01:04:32cope with a little bit disappointed that she doesn't want to try it's only been
01:04:37eight days really I'm hoping Anita can look at the
01:04:41differences we've got and work together to build a marriage going forward next up
01:04:49to the couch we have made all right yeah not ready to see you of course Joe's not
01:05:04feeling very well so we're just really keen to know how the whole process has
01:05:09been for you so take me back to the wedding what were your first impressions
01:05:14of Joe I was a little bit intimidated like I couldn't make eye contact with
01:05:19him he was looking at me and I was just like like I couldn't look at him what do
01:05:24you think was going on there for you he's very good looking and I just think I'm
01:05:28like oh my god he's not gonna find me attractive whatsoever it was quite sad to
01:05:36hear you say that because I've always got that self-doubt about us do you know what I
01:05:40mean because I always go on like I'm loud and confident but yet I am quite like
01:05:43shy inside and when I saw my thought not like he's not gonna like is
01:05:51sounded like you felt a bit intimidated when you saw Joe yeah and then you went on
01:05:58honeymoon yeah what happened I argued with him he said something and I took it out of
01:06:07context completely I could feel myself getting angry with him and then I had to
01:06:13take myself out the situations I thought I don't want to be angry at you do you
01:06:17think because you felt quite intimidated and that's made you think okay let me
01:06:22kind of ruffle feathers here yeah I could feel myself bubbling up thing and I'm
01:06:27gonna kick off I'm gonna kick off so you felt quite triggered in that moment okay I
01:06:31could feel myself liking him and I was thinking I don't want to go through the
01:06:35heartache again I don't want to go through the shit times again I can't do
01:06:38it I can't I can't like I'm trying to be vulnerable but I really struggle doing
01:06:43that I don't want people to see that side and how did you resolve the argument
01:06:49with Joe you know when I said I want someone to speak to her softly like when
01:06:53I'm having bad moments like that's exactly what he did like I'm just so
01:07:00grateful that that's what he did because I know I'm not an easy person to be around
01:07:04when I'm like that it is like so nice there's so much more women like what he
01:07:09looks like he's absolutely incredible yeah I was getting in my head I was
01:07:13thinking oh my god I like him I like I'm like what am I gonna do here I don't want to
01:07:18be nasty to him I'm feeling too much in my head because I'll struggle liking
01:07:22people because you feel that what I don't know I just feel like it's always gonna end
01:07:27bad I think he's too good for me I mean it's quite heartbreaking to hear you say that yeah
01:07:35that you feel he's he's too good for you well he is so much maybe there might be things that Joe
01:07:47could do differently to help you to feel more secure he doesn't do anything wrong
01:07:51do you know what I mean so Joe's perfect I'm not no one's perfect if you do nothing wrong
01:07:57you're perfect well he's not I don't well he's perfect to me so far okay but now let's talk
01:08:05about your part in this because you Maeve are the classic self-sabitager but that comes from having low
01:08:14self-worth low self-worth comes from lots of places but in particular from horrible relationships where we
01:08:23have been trounced on time and time again and then you look at yourself and you say you know what I'm
01:08:30not worthy to have a great relationship and we also place people on pedestals and that's what you're
01:08:36doing you're saying I'm not worthy to be with someone that perfect you need to love on yourself more you do
01:08:53what do you do to love on yourself I don't know nothing everyone's on a path here and so what I hope for
01:09:06you in this path is that you find your self-worth this is more important than your relationship with Joe
01:09:16you understand this yeah okay
01:09:18let's go to the decisions made oh I've had a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions like with this journey and
01:09:29I've been vulnerable as much as I can be but obviously I want to be a bit more vulnerable and
01:09:36and I want to give myself a little bit more self-love that's the main one so what I have decided is that I'm gonna
01:09:45stay so hold on wait Joe obviously can't be here yeah but he has let us know his decision and I can tell
01:10:01you he has decided to stay well Maeve I hope you grow to love yourself as much as we all love you
01:10:13you know right can I go now you can next on the couch Nellie and Stephen
01:10:31welcome lovely to see the two of you let me see you so let's start from the beginning how was your
01:10:47wedding wedding was amazing yeah couldn't have asked for a better day to be honest I was a little
01:10:52bit of concern when I turned around and saw six guys walking towards me I've always the wife but yeah once I
01:11:00saw her being carried in on the dolly and saw her face my first word was just wow and it was just like a
01:11:07portrait oh my god like this is this is gonna be my wife like this person I'm gonna say I'll do to and
01:11:12give my all to so yeah it was really in that moment then that's when I was like okay I'm ready
01:11:16and Nellie what was your experience as soon as I saw Stephen I just felt really calm I just got a really nice vibe from him for me it was really
01:11:29important that my partner would value family a lot because I'm really close to mine so that was amazing
01:11:34to see yeah it was just really really special it was really nice sounding absolutely amazing I'm very
01:11:41hopeful that you're going to say the same thing about the honeymoon was start still flying yeah we had
01:11:47such an amazing time yeah where did you go to Jamaica we just literally just felt that the whole Jamaican
01:11:54aura we didn't bicker and it just got on so well we laughed a lot yeah we just had a really really good
01:12:01time we get on we have a similar sense of humor we are really playful with each other it's exactly what I
01:12:09wanted but I always just think like well when something gonna go wrong it sounds like there's
01:12:18a part of you that's thinking this is too good to be true yeah exactly that come like kind of waiting
01:12:23for something to happen and it freaks me out a little bit that it hasn't why aren't we arguing why
01:12:29haven't you irritated me why haven't I irritated you I end up trying to look for something so for
01:12:36example I love how affectionate you were on our honeymoon like and then I'd come back to the
01:12:43apartment and I would kind of think he's not giving me a kiss this morning and then I get in my head I
01:12:49think yeah it's because he doesn't like you and then he will give me a kiss nothing well that's nice he
01:12:55does like me and it's just constant and I'm even feel saying this now I'm thinking oh my god this is
01:13:01gonna give him the ick and it's gonna push him away it's just constant and I'm even feel saying this
01:13:21now I'm thinking oh my god this is gonna give him the ick and it's gonna push him away do you know
01:13:31why you do that no your last three relationships how did those end they all cheat on me right so they
01:13:42betrayed your trust whenever our trust is betrayed over and over again we develop was called a hyper
01:13:52vigilance for red flags because you have to learn to protect yourself okay so you now are in this mode
01:14:00of self-protection but you know what the problem is when you're just looking for red flags I don't see
01:14:06the green ones miss all the beautiful green ones and so the best advice I can give on this is become
01:14:14hyper vigilant about green flags okay retrain your brain and that's how you do it obviously on the
01:14:23reassurance piece comes out a little bit harder for me I get frustrated myself because I know I should
01:14:26give a lot more exactly yeah I was gonna say this you have to actually say it and it's very important for
01:14:33you to be consistent and what you know is that you do have to reassure and you have to do that
01:14:38consistently and nearly at the dinner party yesterday we saw you get quite emotional and when it came to
01:14:48the honesty box and you worrying about being too much I just kind of worry that if I show too much
01:14:56emotion like my last relationship I would be too emotional sometimes or if I get tearful it was oh for
01:15:01God's sake you're crying again sometimes I think I shouldn't give those emotions because what if that
01:15:05happens again and then yeah the tears kept leaking from my face I really applaud the fact that you did
01:15:12that and I could see that that wasn't an easy thing for you to do I would like to also say though that it is
01:15:18really important for you to be kinder to yourself and I would encourage you to acknowledge that actually
01:15:24it's all right to show emotion if there's a lot more about your ex-partners that they weren't able
01:15:30to hold that what I'm seeing here is that Steven can he can be there for you and we're seeing that right
01:15:38now yeah I feel it I don't thank you I'm sorry tell me what are you like trying to poke you in the eye at
01:15:47Steven how's it for you to hear Nelly be so vulnerable yesterday in a weird sense it's pleasing
01:15:57obviously I never want to see like the person I'm with like cry it shows that she cares it shows that
01:16:02she's willing to be vulnerable but I've kept little memories little moments to then on those random days
01:16:08where maybe she's feeling a little bit too much in her head to be like well look here's what
01:16:13this week's meant to me here's our like week in a small little bag the reassurance I'll give I like to do it
01:16:18through action and not purely through words all the time she walked in the other day in her head a
01:16:23little bit and I was picked up give her a kiss the other light and sort of not wrestling to the ground
01:16:27but I loved it that's what I want it's fun it's playful I want stuff like that you two sound like you're
01:16:32falling for each other you can definitely say you're on the path for that because there's been
01:16:36nothing wrong so you're on the path yeah you're on the path yeah I am I'm just gonna have to say it
01:16:41I probably would say I feel like I'm a little bit more ahead of Steven and I'll agree to that because
01:16:46she's allowed herself to be vulnerable so she's taken those extra couple of steps I haven't yet
01:16:50yeah so until I make that step and jump ahead then we can start walking like hand in hand again
01:16:55can we go to a decision well I am really grateful to have been matched with you in this process and I
01:17:06love being around you I am looking forward to doing this journey with you and I really want to know a
01:17:12little bit more about you and so I'll put stay stay and Steven what's your decision it's leading the
01:17:24right direction for me and I'm saying fully committed to opening up a little bit more but yeah I'm fully
01:17:30in I've been fully in since I see you in that dolly so yeah for me it's a hundred percent stay with a
01:17:36little smiley face I think the two of you just made for each other I'm so excited to see where this
01:17:46goes and we wish you all the best for the rest of the week thank you I appreciate it yeah thank you so
01:17:51thank you I'm really glad that actually Paul highlighted what I'm doing because I knew I was
01:18:01doing it but I didn't know how to stop it thank you 100% I'm going to be focusing on the green
01:18:08flags more I feel better yeah I feel more reassured already next time hello it's experts week do I have
01:18:19permission to remove your own while some couples lean into physical intimacy oh I hope you know
01:18:25where the key is to that Anita's patience with Paul wears even thinner surely you should know what
01:18:30you want by now are you expecting me to be fully committed after two weeks I need to know where this
01:18:35relationship's going no I'm not hanging around and an unwanted interference in one couple's marriage
01:18:41other people don't need to know much yet because you'll see a side of me which probably you won't
01:18:46like I'm not having your soul that I was trying to come to a new relationship I'm not couldn't give
01:18:51a flying fuck if I'm completely honest I'm here for my relationship causes two husbands to collide
01:18:55only people just uh basically just fuck off you're not part of this relationship so see yourself out
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