The Paper Show S3 E6 Abe Is Fired

Eli Pootiepie

Watch The Paper Show S3 E6 Abe Is Fired - Eli Pootiepie on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:30They killed Kenny!

00:31You bastards!

00:33No, we are not missing Mila Brule.

00:36I've got a crazy idea.

00:37We've got legs, we can use them, and go there walking style.

00:41Oh, can I come with?

00:43The sight of Joan is a constant reminder of how she wants me out of her sight.

00:48I feel for you, Averino, but...

00:49Wait, it would be much easier to see the stage at Arroyo Fest if we had some shoulders to sit on.

00:57Yo, Stretch!

00:58You're in.

00:59Really?

01:00Hot dog!

01:01You guys aren't leaving, are you?

01:03Because there are a lot of desert cannibals out there in these parts.

01:06I appreciate you looking out, but it's only the desert.

01:16Oh, there's no hope, Mr. B.

01:18I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm lost!

01:22At least we can die together.

01:24Shut up, Mr. B.

01:26You know I'd rather die alone.

01:28Oh my, is that the Eiffel Tower?

01:33Because it must be a mirage if it's right next to a building that says New York, New York, with New York's famous roller coaster.

01:40Vegas!

01:42Vegas!

01:44Presley!

01:50All right, you guys, it's first down.

01:51I'll hike the ball in the third set hut.

01:53Kyle and Cartman, go deep post outs.

01:54Kenny, run a slant up the middle.

01:55Butters, be ready for the screen.

01:56Right.

01:57What are we playing again?

01:58Football.

01:59Got it.

02:00Okay, 23!

02:03Blue, 23!

02:05Set hut!

02:06Set hut!

02:08Wendy breaks up.

02:10What?

02:11Wendy breaks up with you.

02:14Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

02:15What did I do wrong?

02:16I haven't even talked to Wendy for weeks.

02:17She just doesn't want to be with you anymore.

02:19She said she still wants to be friends.

02:21Whatever, baby.

02:22Like, Stan really cares.

02:23Just get out of our football game, you stupid skank.

02:25Fuck you, fat ass.

02:26You guys are assholes.

02:27Oh, yeah?

02:28Well, at least we have assholes, you dumb girl.

02:30Yeah, right.

02:31God, you're so stupid.

02:34What a whore.

02:34Yeah, like Stan gives a crap if Wendy breaks up.

02:39Wow, you have the other Stan be serious about it here?

02:44That was Fanny's here.

02:45That was my house for the other way.

02:54She was a little too late, Wendy, for a while.

02:56But Kyle's.

02:57Drive.

02:58Not drive.

02:59Not drive.

03:02That's it.

03:03JFK, with this purity ring, do you vow to commit yourself wholly to God?

03:25By keeping, do you vow to commit yourself wholly to God?

03:29By keeping your junk in your pants?

03:31Until you marry a woman you can put said junk in.

03:35I...

03:36I object.

03:38What are you doing?

03:40You're blowing this for me!

03:42No one's blowing anything!

03:44And that's the problem!

03:46Last night was our six-month boy anniversary, remember?

03:49I know you've been down, so I planned to have everything to cheer you up.

03:53But I got tired of waiting inside of the cave for hours.

03:56I even had Van Gogh come to paint our JFK portrait.

04:00But you weren't here!

04:02I'm sorry, Abe.

04:04I was, uh, helping the prayer pals.

04:06You know, you're my boy.

04:08Am I?

04:10Then why did I find this in your nightstand?

04:15It's never supposed to come off!

04:17It's a leather cuff!

04:18It's just...

04:19I want to see if maybe I'm more than just a sex slut, you know?

04:24Fine!

04:24Then I guess this is garbage!

04:26Such quality!

04:30Leather!

04:31Ah, too strong!

04:33I've already lost my best friend Gandhi who disappeared without a trace just like that TV show.

04:38What's the name?

04:40Anyway, and I also lost my best friend Joan when she tried to wipe all our memories.

04:44And now I'm losing you!

04:48You aren't the boy I fell in friendship with.

04:51These people want to change you.

04:53But I accept you just the way you are.

04:56So I'm not giving up without a fight.

04:58Because that's what boys do.

05:00They fight for each other.

05:02JFK, look around you.

05:05Everyone else at school has realized prayer pals is the answer.

05:08Shout out to Frida and Cleo for some incredible recruiting.

05:12Abe, I'm crazy.

05:14So choose purity.

05:16Because I'm afraid you can't choose both.

05:19Oh my god, it worked!

05:20Hey, you guys!

05:22Wow, Cartman?

05:23Yeah!

05:24You have zits on your tits!

05:25You have big zits but tiny tits!

05:28Oh, oh yeah!

05:29What you got?

05:30You got nothing!

05:36There she is, Gandhi.

05:38Joan of Arc.

05:39The love of my life.

05:40And for years I took her for granted.

05:43That stops now.

05:45It's time for me to tell her how I feel, Gandhi.

05:48I mean, it's 2003.

05:49Guys shouldn't be afraid to talk about feelings.

05:52Gandhi, you've been pretty quiet.

05:54What's your take?

05:55Huh.

05:56I thought I was talking to my comedic sidekick, Gandhi.

05:58Let me know if you see him, turkey fire hydrant.

06:01Hey!

06:01What?

06:04This can't be happening.

06:06My queen, take a royal selfie with me.

06:08Would you sign my nut?

06:10My queen, sign my nut?

06:12Sign my nut.

06:13We're homecoming royalty!

06:16Two beautiful young people ruling the world, parading around in an open convertible.

06:22What could go wrong?

06:24Everything!

06:25Just because I didn't want Cleo to win doesn't mean I should.

06:28No one should be queen.

06:29Just enjoy it.

06:30You're so selfless and honest, Joan.

06:33You deserve this.

06:34No!

06:35You get off the stage!

06:36I want a recount!

06:38Congrats, Joan.

06:39Turns out, nobody wants to vote for a pumpkin murderer.

06:42Pumpkin murderer!

06:46Cleo.

06:47Well, anyway, thanks for the tip, Joan.

06:49And now, we will crown our queen as we slowly and deliberately place the crown onto her head

06:55in ten, nine, leads to hell.

07:01I need to pray on this!

07:09As you can see, we're an extremely religious institution.

07:13So religious that we shouldn't pay a dime to the government.

07:16I'll be the judge of that.

07:19Communion wafer and cheese charcuterie board.

07:27Hmm, don't mind if I do.

07:33Christ on a cracker.

07:35It's delicious!

07:38Hey, friend.

07:38You did this all by yourself because you are very unpleasant to be around.

07:42Great solo effort!

07:45What?

07:46I was the architect of this!

07:48I even recorded the Death Mace theme song!

07:50It goes like this.

07:51I won't let you down.

07:56Time for a little debriefing.

08:08And a little debriefing.

08:11What's this?

08:12Elegant towels?

08:14A soap dispenser?

08:15Lemon-scented feminine hygienics?

08:18Where are all the pubes?

08:19I mean mustache dribbings!

08:20The nerve of this woman!

08:22Bring me my sombrero of invisibilidad.

08:27Try to supervise me now.

08:29Can't deal.

08:30She doesn't even know I'm under yet.

08:32That's how stupid she is.

08:33I'm a little turned around.

08:35Okay, here we go.

08:36This way I can open my secret safe.

08:39Completely undetected.

08:40Beep-boop-beep-bop-beep-bop-beep-bop!

08:43Now that I've shown you my scatting ability, I shall open the safe.

08:47Beep-boop-beep-bop-beep-bop!

08:48She thinks she can get inside my head.

08:51Well, I will get inside her head by blowing it up!

08:56Wait a minute.

08:57I've never worn pearls.

08:59Canteen must have gotten these for me.

09:02Oh, they're bombs!

09:03Wow, Joan.

09:09This is impressive.

09:10You pulled together a hella-swizz Unity Luncheon.

09:13Thanks, guys.

09:14Hey, you haven't seen Abe, have you?

09:16He said something about doing his own Unity Lunch, but I'm sure he wouldn't.

09:24I've got a hundred thousand hot wings right here!

09:28America's most beloved party food.

09:30Only served at my Luncheon for Unity!

09:35So I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have you over.

09:39I hear you're a geologist.

09:40That is so amazing!

09:41Look, I actually came over because I'm a little concerned about some of the things you told my son.

09:47Uh-huh.

09:48You know, about God and stuff.

09:52Oh, boy.

09:54You think we were trying to convert him?

09:57Well, I...

09:58Oh, Mr. Marsh, I am so sorry.

10:00We just moved here from Utah, and we're so used to everyone being Mormon that we...

10:04Oh, we forget not everyone wants to hear about it.

10:06Oh, boy, you must be furious!

10:08Well, no.

10:10No, I just...

10:11You just heard your son talking about religious ideals that aren't your own, and you said,

10:14Who the heck do these people think they are?

10:17I'm really, truly sorry, Mr. Marsh.

10:19It won't happen again.

10:21You can call me Randy.

10:23Randy, the last thing we want is for people to think we're pushing our religion.

10:26We know there are a lot of beliefs out there, and ours just works for us.

10:29To each his own, right?

10:31Yeah.

10:33Yeah.

10:34You know, to be honest, I've never known any Mormons.

10:36I don't even know what you people believe.

10:38Who was this Joseph Smith guy?

10:40Why did he believe that Native Americans were actually white people from Jerusalem?

10:45Well, because he found ancient books they had written on gold plates,

10:48right where the angel Moronite said they would be.

10:50I'm sorry!

10:54I'm sorry!

10:55I'm sorry!

10:56Ah!

10:57This guy is tragic.

11:00Are you sure he isn't a Kennedy?

11:01Oh, Abe.

11:03I'll make it up to you.

11:05Not gonna happen.

11:06Abraham Lincoln, you are canceled.

11:18Joan, what's happening?

11:20Is this washable paint?

11:23Joan, say something!

11:27Joan?

11:28Hey, Abe.

11:33You okay?

11:35No, I'm not.

11:36And you just stood there and let them cancel me.

11:39Oh, hey.

11:39I tried to include you every step of the way.

11:42There's only so much I can do, Abe.

11:44Who even are you right now?

11:46Eating lunch with JFK and all the popular people.

11:48We used to make fun of them.

11:50This is different.

11:50They actually liked me.

11:52And I wanted them to like you, too.

11:53But you made it impossible, didn't you?

11:55Now I have to pull this whole Unity luncheon together

11:57in one day by myself.

11:58Well, good luck.

11:59Because I'm going to plan my own Unity luncheon.

12:03And I'm going to call it

12:04the Luncheon for Unity.

12:06And I'm going to get 100,000 chicken hot wings

12:09so the people will come to my party,

12:11not yours.

12:14Almost there.

12:16Keep doing the finger guns.

12:17Oh.

12:23Keep doing the finger guns.

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