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00:04:31This birthday sucks.
00:04:33And not in a good way.
00:04:35Are you the big birthday boy?
00:04:49Oh no.
00:04:53Uh-huh.
00:04:55I'm Bambi.
00:04:57With an eye.
00:04:59Great.
00:05:01I was told there was going to be a party.
00:05:09It was cancelled on account of patheticness.
00:05:11We could still have a party for two.
00:05:21That would make it a party for four.
00:05:23Listen, you have the wrong guy.
00:05:25You're not little doogie?
00:05:27You're not little doogie?
00:05:29Little doogie?
00:05:31Your brother says happy birthday.
00:05:35My brother?
00:05:37No.
00:05:38No.
00:05:39No.
00:05:43No need to thank me bro.
00:05:47I wasn't going to.
00:05:49Hey, I just figured it was something you didn't already have.
00:05:51You do remember I sleep with men, right?
00:05:53So does Bambi.
00:05:55So you two have a lot in common.
00:05:57Shut up.
00:05:58Are you having a good birthday?
00:05:59No.
00:06:00How's yours?
00:06:01Just what I expected.
00:06:02Karen asked Grace what we should do for daddy's birthday.
00:06:05But Grace is six years old.
00:06:07Seven, actually.
00:06:09Thanks for remembering.
00:06:10Sorry.
00:06:11So where'd you end up?
00:06:13Oh, at the mall.
00:06:15At a tea party.
00:06:16That store where they sell those creepy ass dolls.
00:06:19Did Grace get you one of those creepy ass dolls for your 40th birthday?
00:06:23She did indeed.
00:06:25I'm letting her watch it right now.
00:06:27You're such a good father.
00:06:29And you are old.
00:06:31We're twins.
00:06:32We're the same age.
00:06:33Yeah, but you just feel older.
00:06:35I do tonight.
00:06:36Why?
00:06:37Because I'm all alone.
00:06:39Everyone's abandoned me.
00:06:41Well, that's because you're ugly.
00:06:44Fuck you very much.
00:06:46What about that old guy you've been seeing?
00:06:48Jacob.
00:06:49Yeah, Jacob.
00:06:50He's not old.
00:06:52He's 50.
00:06:53And I'm 40.
00:06:54And you're old too.
00:06:55You're 10 minutes younger than me.
00:06:57So what does that make you?
00:06:58Lucky I'm not in the dating pool.
00:07:01So why don't you just invite Jacob?
00:07:04Well, we've only been out a few times.
00:07:05And besides, it's not serious or anything.
00:07:08How do you know?
00:07:10Well, because on our last date.
00:07:12Doug, I really like you, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
00:07:15Well, there you go.
00:07:17And I've seen him again this weekend.
00:07:20So...
00:07:21Well, you know, if I lived closer, I'd be there.
00:07:23Yeah.
00:07:24I hate spending our birthdays apart.
00:07:27Karen and the kids wanted to wish you happy birthday too.
00:07:30Thanks.
00:07:31Enjoy your present.
00:07:34Oh my gosh.
00:07:35Not a chance.
00:07:36Just kidding.
00:07:40But I can stay.
00:07:41It's the best offer I've had all night, and yet no thanks.
00:07:46Hey, I'm...
00:07:47Oh my God!
00:07:48My brother will not give up.
00:07:49You, get inside.
00:07:50Take off your clothes.
00:07:51Do whatever you need to do.
00:07:52And you, thank you for an abysmal evening.
00:07:55What's that mean?
00:07:56It means no tip.
00:08:03Come in.
00:08:04Let's get this over with.
00:08:05I'm...
00:08:06Paid by the hour.
00:08:07Right.
00:08:11Nice.
00:08:12You should wax.
00:08:13What?
00:08:14Never mind.
00:08:15Amuse me.
00:08:16Keep going.
00:08:17Turn this day around.
00:08:19Um, I think there's a misunderstanding.
00:08:21Yeah, it doesn't look like you're wearing a G-string.
00:08:24Some stripper you are.
00:08:26I'm not a stripper.
00:08:28I'm your new neighbor.
00:08:31I got this mail by mistake.
00:08:38Sorry.
00:08:51Black Briefs.
00:08:52Huh?
00:08:55No G-string.
00:08:56I'm more of a Black Briefs kind of guy.
00:09:02Do you want some cake?
00:09:12Cake.
00:09:16Sounds fun.
00:09:22Oh.
00:09:26You have no idea how much I needed that.
00:09:29Was it on your birthday wish list?
00:09:31It is now.
00:09:33I'd say I didn't have time to wrap it, but that's not entirely true, is it?
00:09:37And it was just the right size.
00:09:39Good.
00:09:40You can't return it.
00:09:51I'm so glad you knocked on my door.
00:09:54I'm glad you knocked on my door in return.
00:09:57I was talking about my actual door.
00:10:00I wasn't.
00:10:08You live next door.
00:10:10Yes, that I do.
00:10:12Just renting, but I like it.
00:10:14So what brings you to the gayborhood?
00:10:17Just time for a change.
00:10:18Have you lived here long?
00:10:20Five years.
00:10:22That's commitment.
00:10:24I do believe in commitment.
00:10:26Good to know.
00:10:29Where are you going?
00:10:32I should get going.
00:10:34Back to my place.
00:10:36You don't have to.
00:10:38I don't want to keep you up.
00:10:40Besides, there's a tennis match I want to watch.
00:10:43The exhibition match from Dubai?
00:10:45Yeah, you're a tennis fan?
00:10:47Huge.
00:10:48Oh, nice.
00:10:51I have my DVR set to record it.
00:10:53Should be a really good match.
00:10:55Maybe I should come over and watch it with you in the morning.
00:11:00Or maybe you should just stay and watch it with me in the morning.
00:11:08Deal.
00:11:09Hmm.
00:11:27I have to pee.
00:11:29Come in, Evelyn.
00:11:30Make yourself at home.
00:11:32Let me tell you about all the amazing sex I had last night.
00:11:40A strange woman just raced through here to the bathroom?
00:11:45She's not strange.
00:11:46She's Evelyn.
00:11:48On the other hand, she's very strange.
00:11:52Oh my God.
00:11:53So much better.
00:11:55Doug?
00:11:57Yes?
00:11:59There's a strange man in your bed.
00:12:01I know.
00:12:03I was going to tell you earlier, but I had to pee.
00:12:06Just making sure you knew he was here.
00:12:08I do.
00:12:09Excellent.
00:12:13And...
00:12:16The introductions would start...
00:12:18Oh, sorry.
00:12:20Evelyn, this is Colton.
00:12:22Colton, this is my dear friend, Evelyn.
00:12:24Charm.
00:12:25I'm sure.
00:12:27I would shake your hand, but I'm sort of naked.
00:12:31Are you?
00:12:35Nice to meet you.
00:12:40And you.
00:12:42I'm sure that pleasure was all Doug's.
00:12:45Rear.
00:12:47So he is...
00:12:49He's my...
00:12:50Too young for you, but that's beside the point.
00:12:53Cut it out, Evelyn.
00:12:55He's my...
00:12:56Birthday present.
00:12:57I do take credit cards, by the way.
00:12:59You didn't.
00:13:00I didn't.
00:13:01Oh yes, you did, sir.
00:13:02Thank you for untying me, sir.
00:13:06This is so not...
00:13:07Doug, Doug.
00:13:08You're a grown man.
00:13:09You can spend your money however you like.
00:13:12Just be sure to give him a big tip.
00:13:14He's already done that.
00:13:17I like him.
00:13:19He's my neighbor.
00:13:21Whatever turns you on, sweetie.
00:13:23I should get going.
00:13:26It was...
00:13:28Nice to meet you.
00:13:29And you.
00:13:31Hope we'll be seeing more of you.
00:13:42And now we have...
00:13:46Oh!
00:13:48Um...
00:13:50Happy birthday!
00:13:52Thanks.
00:13:54It was yesterday.
00:13:56Remember?
00:13:58I remember.
00:13:59I remember every...
00:14:00Oh shit!
00:14:01Jayden's still in the car.
00:14:03I gotta run!
00:14:04I love you!
00:14:13You're terrible, Muriel.
00:14:15Thank you, sir.
00:14:22So what did you do?
00:14:24Excuse me?
00:14:25For your birthday.
00:14:27How'd you know?
00:14:28It's on your online profile.
00:14:30So did you have a good time?
00:14:32Yeah.
00:14:33Actually it was...
00:14:39Nice in the end.
00:14:42Your end or his?
00:14:44No comment.
00:14:49I thought so.
00:14:51You look, shall we say, very satisfied today.
00:14:55I am.
00:14:56I mean...
00:14:58I was having a shitty birthday and...
00:15:00I don't know, something happened that just made it feel like...
00:15:03I don't know, like...
00:15:05Turning 40 wasn't so bad.
00:15:07That must have been some serious sex.
00:15:10I don't know if I'm comfortable talking about this with you.
00:15:14Don't worry about it.
00:15:15It's not like we're exclusive or anything.
00:15:18Did you ask me to go steady when I wasn't paying attention?
00:15:21It's no big deal.
00:15:22You're dating other guys.
00:15:23I'm dating other guys.
00:15:25You're dating other guys.
00:15:27Well...
00:15:29I would if I could find them.
00:15:32You know, if you hadn't slammed into my car that day...
00:15:35I barely bumped into you!
00:15:36I almost had whiplash.
00:15:38Oh, you almost had a headache.
00:15:40Potato, potato.
00:15:42You were parked in front of my house and I was barely going five miles an hour.
00:15:45That's not the point.
00:15:47If you hadn't hit me, we wouldn't have started talking.
00:15:50And I would have never had the courage to ask you out.
00:15:54Here's to fate.
00:15:56And here's to being rear-ended.
00:15:59So...
00:16:01Why were you parked in front of my house?
00:16:06House hunting?
00:16:08You never mentioned you were house hunting.
00:16:12You never asked?
00:16:14It's odd.
00:16:16That you never asked?
00:16:18Yeah.
00:16:20You were being very polite.
00:16:24Polite? How?
00:16:27You weren't talking with your mouth full.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:38You should be on the welcoming committee for the neighborhood.
00:16:41Made me feel quite at home.
00:16:44Oh.
00:16:45Good.
00:16:49Mmm.
00:16:57So, um...
00:16:59Did you find a place yet?
00:17:01Not yet.
00:17:03Staying with relatives for a bit.
00:17:05I still can't believe that you were married.
00:17:09And you have a son.
00:17:10Two sons.
00:17:12Oh, yeah. I forgot.
00:17:14Wow.
00:17:15Well, I don't talk about my second son much.
00:17:18Why?
00:17:20He didn't take my coming out very well.
00:17:23What'd he do?
00:17:25No, you can't be gay! You're my daddy!
00:17:28Ooh. Yikes.
00:17:30He was always a little emotional.
00:17:35Did he ever accept it?
00:17:37I hate you! You've ruined my life!
00:17:40Not yet.
00:17:42Someday.
00:17:44But your other son's okay with it, right?
00:17:47Definitely.
00:17:49But that's another story for another day.
00:17:54Read me a bedtime story, daddy.
00:17:57No.
00:17:59Don't do that.
00:18:01Why? Are you gonna spank me?
00:18:03I'll spank you.
00:18:05You sure you don't want to come out with me?
00:18:09Ugh. That club makes me feel so old.
00:18:12But you are old.
00:18:14Not that much older than you, according to your driver's license.
00:18:16Clerical error at the DMV.
00:18:18I'm not a day over 29.
00:18:20What?
00:18:22I'll get you for that, my ugly.
00:18:25Good lord, you are gay.
00:18:27Yeah, I am. And why should you feel old?
00:18:29You're dating a twink.
00:18:31Oh, that's right. You're also dating an elder.
00:18:35Um, first of all, Colton is 30. That is hardly a twink.
00:18:4030? I'd throw him back if they were a day over 25.
00:18:42Oh yeah, and that works for you.
00:18:44Totally works for me.
00:18:46Okay, well what about the time that we hooked up?
00:18:48Okay. A. I was drunk.
00:18:51B. You were a lot younger then.
00:18:55And C. I was really drunk.
00:18:59Whatever. Okay, and Jacob, he's 50. Not close to an elder.
00:19:0450? Is he all wrinkly and shit?
00:19:08Not that it matters, but no. He's in good shape.
00:19:12For a man his age.
00:19:14Don't you dare make a Viagra joke.
00:19:16Oh, do you need some? I have some extra.
00:19:18Why do you have Viagra?
00:19:19From that orgy I went to last month.
00:19:21Oh my gosh. You, my friend, are a whore.
00:19:23You're so sweet.
00:19:25Oh, big question. Underwear. Yes or no?
00:19:29Uh, I'm gonna say yes.
00:19:32No it is.
00:19:33Why do you...
00:19:38Date...
00:19:40Why is it you're okay with dating younger men?
00:19:44As opposed to older men?
00:19:46Because younger men keep me young.
00:19:49Or at least they make me feel young.
00:19:52And really, isn't that what it's all about?
00:19:55Anyway.
00:19:56Hmm.
00:20:02Oh, that reminds me.
00:20:04There's a bottle of wine for you in the kitchen.
00:20:06Happy birthday, bud.
00:20:11That was fast.
00:20:18I told you, I take credit cards.
00:20:20What? Oh.
00:20:22I was waiting for pizza.
00:20:24Well, how about a home cooked meal instead?
00:20:29I can hardly tell that you just moved in.
00:20:31The owners wanted to rent it furnished.
00:20:34Who am I to turn away furniture?
00:20:36Never say no to Ottomans. They get very upset.
00:20:39Bon.
00:20:42Appetite.
00:20:44Classic.
00:20:45You're, uh, red or white?
00:20:47Well, actually, I'm 1 16th Cherokee on my mother's side, but mostly white.
00:20:51I meant the wine.
00:20:53White.
00:20:55Coming right up.
00:20:57Smells amazing.
00:20:59It's the bacon.
00:21:01Is the bacon hiding?
00:21:03Bacon and sun-dried tomatoes stuffed inside the chicken.
00:21:06Bacon if used vinaigrette in the salad and the bread is a bacon gruy or scone.
00:21:11So, you like bacon?
00:21:14I like bacon.
00:21:18Did you put bacon in the wine?
00:21:20Yeah. I dipped the rims in bacon fat.
00:21:22No, you did not.
00:21:24I did not.
00:21:26I might someday.
00:21:32You can try knocking.
00:21:35What are you...
00:21:37We're having dinner. This is the guy I was telling you about. He lives next door.
00:21:41That's where I, I mean, I almost just walked right up to the house next door, totally not paying attention.
00:21:53Funny, huh?
00:21:55Hilarious.
00:21:59And, apparently, I learned nothing from meeting your friend the other morning.
00:22:04Introductions all around.
00:22:05This is Doug. He lives next door.
00:22:08Yeah. Good memory.
00:22:10Doug, this is Jacob. My father.
00:22:14Your father?
00:22:17Your father?
00:22:19My father.
00:22:21His father?
00:22:22His father.
00:22:23Well, that's just fucked up.
00:22:25I know!
00:22:26You're dating a father and a son?
00:22:28Well, that just sounds dirtier than it is.
00:22:30Well, then just how dirty is it?
00:22:32It's not.
00:22:34I'm dating two men who happen to be fi-
00:22:37Oh, Christ.
00:22:40Wow, that sounds bad.
00:22:42Does this happen a lot in the gay world?
00:22:44No!
00:22:46Because I've seen some mother-daughter lesbian porn and it was pretty damn hot.
00:22:50Okay, please stop talking.
00:22:52So, what did the son-
00:22:54Colton.
00:22:55Yeah, Colton.
00:22:56What did he say when he found out?
00:22:58Well, I'll put that in the kitchen.
00:23:00You two get to know each other.
00:23:04That your son? You didn't tell me you had a gay son?
00:23:07You didn't ask.
00:23:08I gotta start asking more questions.
00:23:10What are you two whispering about?
00:23:12How much we adore you, son.
00:23:13Oh, that's who we see any family resemblances?
00:23:17Now that you mention it.
00:23:18Colton, can you get me a glass of wine?
00:23:20Sure.
00:23:22I don't want to hear anything about our resemblances.
00:23:25Fine.
00:23:27You're not staying, are you?
00:23:29I live here.
00:23:30Oh, that's just awkward.
00:23:32So you're the one that thought my son was a stripper?
00:23:35That was an honest mistake.
00:23:36And sleeping with him?
00:23:38That was on purpose.
00:23:40What?
00:23:41Nothing.
00:23:42Nothing.
00:23:44Is there any more chicken?
00:23:46Don't worry, I'll eat it in my room.
00:23:48Yes, I will get you that.
00:23:51What do we tell him?
00:23:52Nothing.
00:23:53Nothing?
00:23:54Tell him nothing.
00:23:55He's always been a little competitive.
00:23:56It runs in the family.
00:23:57But this is not a competition.
00:23:59It will be soon.
00:24:03You boys have fun.
00:24:05I'm going to eat this in my room,
00:24:07which is ten feet that way,
00:24:09behind those thin walls,
00:24:11in case anybody needs me.
00:24:13Night, Dad.
00:24:16It was nice meeting him.
00:24:18Yes, wasn't it?
00:24:25And you continued your date with Colton like nothing happened?
00:24:28I tried.
00:24:29What else was I supposed to do?
00:24:31Move out of the neighborhood due to sheer embarrassment?
00:24:34That thought crossed my mind.
00:24:35Tell me you didn't stay over with Jacob there.
00:24:37I did not stay over with Jacob there.
00:24:40I can't stay over with your father here.
00:24:42He won't mind.
00:24:44Did I mention he's gay too?
00:24:46No.
00:24:47I mean, no.
00:24:48I just kind of figured it out.
00:24:51Really?
00:24:52How?
00:24:53Well, um...
00:24:55Did he hit on you?
00:24:56No.
00:24:58No!
00:24:59Of course not!
00:25:00I'm kidding around.
00:25:03I mean, how weird would that be, right?
00:25:05So weird.
00:25:07Completely weird.
00:25:09Bizarro weird.
00:25:11Then...
00:25:13Stay.
00:25:15I should get home.
00:25:17What, beat the traffic?
00:25:18Exactly.
00:25:20That's a joke.
00:25:22Because you live next door?
00:25:26Next time?
00:25:28Next time.
00:25:31So, you slept alone while the two men you're sleeping with slept next to each other in the house that they share?
00:25:38That seems to be the case.
00:25:40God, I'm gonna need a flowchart to keep up with this.
00:25:43So, do you have the daddy complex or does Colton?
00:25:46How do you know about daddy complexes?
00:25:48I'm a therapist.
00:25:49I deal with a lot of strippers.
00:25:50No.
00:25:51Nobody has a daddy complex.
00:25:53Does Jacob like it when you call him daddy?
00:25:55No!
00:25:56Oh my god!
00:25:57You actually call him daddy?
00:25:59It was a joke.
00:26:01Does Colton call you daddy?
00:26:03No! Nobody calls anybody daddy, okay?
00:26:06Except for Colton and Jacob because, well, he is his daddy.
00:26:09Can we say father instead?
00:26:12The daddy stuff, it's kinda creeping me out.
00:26:15Hey, have you told our father about this?
00:26:18I'm hanging up now.
00:26:19I was talking about your birthday thing the other night. Here.
00:26:20What does it mean that every person I know got me wine for my birthday?
00:26:33Well, you're an alcoholic.
00:26:34I'm not an alcoholic.
00:26:36Do you drink at home alone?
00:26:41Yeah, sometimes.
00:26:43Classic signs I'm an alcoholic.
00:26:45But wait, I live alone, so of course I drink alone.
00:26:48First step is the hardest.
00:26:50Apparently the only steps I need are the ones leading right to the local liquor store.
00:26:52Them's the spirits.
00:26:54Thanks for your support.
00:26:56No, it's the best liquor store around here.
00:26:59Them's the spirits.
00:27:01It's the name of the store.
00:27:03Oh, okay.
00:27:05Good to know.
00:27:07Hey, um, do you have a minute?
00:27:12We should go to lunch.
00:27:14Oh god.
00:27:15Are you firing me?
00:27:16Why would you think I'm firing you?
00:27:18You always take people to lunch when you're firing them.
00:27:20I do?
00:27:22That vegan place down the street.
00:27:23You said that people won't have the energy to fight back without any protein.
00:27:26I said that?
00:27:27A little bit.
00:27:29I'm not firing you.
00:27:30I just want to congratulate you for landing that new client.
00:27:34Thanks.
00:27:35I'm just glad we could fit him in.
00:27:37I was looking at the schedule and we were really booked up this month.
00:27:40All thanks to your brilliant idea.
00:27:43Which brilliant idea are you talking about?
00:27:44You're going to have to narrow that one down.
00:27:46The senior citizen's intro to Pilates class.
00:27:48It's really taken off.
00:27:50You really have a grasp on that demographic.
00:27:52No, I don't.
00:27:53Sure you do.
00:27:54You have the sense where we really get some excited.
00:27:57Yeah, but I can relate to the younger generation too.
00:28:00Of course you can, mister.
00:28:02So can I.
00:28:03After all, Terry is three whole years younger than I am.
00:28:06It's like 20 in gay years.
00:28:09Well, that's not very big.
00:28:10Yes, it is.
00:28:12Why do you think I'd stay with him?
00:28:14It's big.
00:28:16That reminds me.
00:28:18We need to schedule our sexual harassment training.
00:28:21You do.
00:28:23I'll make a note of it.
00:28:24Yeah.
00:28:28This feels good.
00:28:32Good.
00:28:33Great.
00:28:34Great.
00:28:35Even.
00:28:37Great.
00:28:40You're not making this easy.
00:28:42That's because you're making it very, very hard.
00:28:47Be serious a second.
00:28:49Okay.
00:28:50Serious.
00:28:51Go.
00:28:53What I'm trying to say is...
00:28:55I like this.
00:28:57I like spending time with you.
00:29:00I like you, Doug.
00:29:02Hmm.
00:29:04I like you, Colton.
00:29:06I know we haven't known each other that long, but I think we have a connection here.
00:29:11Me too.
00:29:13And I was hoping that we could see a lot more of each other.
00:29:16Kinda unavoidable.
00:29:18We're neighbors.
00:29:22You know what I mean.
00:29:23You're not asking me to go steady, are you?
00:29:27Oh, geez.
00:29:28That sounds like something my dad would say.
00:29:31Oh, I...
00:29:33I didn't mean that in a bad way.
00:29:35Is that how you see me?
00:29:36Some sort of father figure?
00:29:38Jesus.
00:29:39You're not old enough to be a father figure.
00:29:41Why?
00:29:42Is that something that bothers you?
00:29:43Our age difference?
00:29:45No.
00:29:46I think you're very mature for your age.
00:29:48It is possible to be a 30-year-old gay man and not be obsessed with Lady Gag.
00:29:52Me.
00:29:53That's a relief.
00:29:56But I, um...
00:29:59I haven't seen other people.
00:30:02One other person, to be precise.
00:30:07That's cool.
00:30:10We'll play it by ear.
00:30:12Just...
00:30:13See what happens.
00:30:17Oh, my.
00:30:18God.
00:30:20Where did you learn to do that?
00:30:23Saw it in one of those sex manuals I read when I first came out.
00:30:27Never been anybody flexible enough to do it with before.
00:30:31Pilates.
00:30:33Makes all the difference.
00:30:37So when did you come out?
00:30:39Officially?
00:30:41Officially.
00:30:43Eight years ago.
00:30:45And unofficially?
00:30:47I guess I always knew.
00:30:48I just didn't want to face it.
00:30:52So what pushed you out after all those years?
00:30:55Actually, it was Colton.
00:30:57Really?
00:30:59It's not like he knew and encouraged me.
00:31:02Nothing like that.
00:31:03Then what?
00:31:05It was watching him grow up 100% comfortable with who he is.
00:31:11I learned a lot from him.
00:31:13Did he come out early?
00:31:15He was one of those kids you always knew was gay.
00:31:18All the stereotypes were there.
00:31:20His mom says his afterbirth was filled with glitter.
00:31:22That's definitely good.
00:31:24I really loved watching him grow up, seeing him become his own man.
00:31:37And it gave me the courage to do it myself.
00:31:40And your wife?
00:31:42She knew.
00:31:44Or at least she suspected.
00:31:46We were best friends in college, got married when she got pregnant,
00:31:48did everything we were supposed to do.
00:31:51And luckily, we're still friends.
00:31:54Did she remarry?
00:31:56She did.
00:31:58To a lovely philosophy professor named Naomi.
00:32:02Seriously?
00:32:04Seriously.
00:32:05We're the all-American family for the new millennium.
00:32:08You did a great job raising Colton.
00:32:18We have to tell him.
00:32:21I know.
00:32:27Morning.
00:32:28Hey.
00:32:31What, bad time?
00:32:33No.
00:32:34Hey, you're off today, right?
00:32:36Right.
00:32:37Could you do me a favor and call me if you see my father?
00:32:39He didn't come home last night.
00:32:40He's not answering his phone.
00:32:42I'm sure he's fine.
00:32:44Probably.
00:32:46Definitely.
00:32:47It's not like he hasn't stayed over at some random guy's house before, right?
00:32:51Right.
00:32:53But if you see him, could you give me a call?
00:33:00I'll get that.
00:33:04Dad?
00:33:06Morning.
00:33:08Doug!
00:33:10What's going on?
00:33:12I think we found a way to tell him.
00:33:17Dude.
00:33:18That is classic.
00:33:20Not so much.
00:33:22So the old guy was just standing there totally naked.
00:33:25Naked and still not old.
00:33:28Um, that's how you'll feel after doing Pilates for a while.
00:33:32Not old.
00:33:34Yeah, but what about the naked part?
00:33:36You'll look good naked too.
00:33:39Yeah, that's it.
00:33:41Alrighty then.
00:33:43So who's bigger?
00:33:45What?
00:33:46If I have to hear about your bizarre love triangle, at least share some of the disgusting details.
00:33:50No!
00:33:52One of them has a pencil dick just like you, right?
00:33:54I do not have a pencil dick.
00:33:56Forget you heard that.
00:33:58So, how did you explain this sitch to young Colton?
00:34:02Well, after he ran out and we caught up to him at the house...
00:34:06I meant to tell you.
00:34:11We were dating first.
00:34:13First?
00:34:15What does that mean? You call dibs on him?
00:34:17Don't be childish, Colton.
00:34:19Fuck you!
00:34:21Oh wait, I guess you covered that.
00:34:23Yeah.
00:34:25Oh my god, you fucked my dad!
00:34:29For the record, I fucked him first.
00:34:32Jacob!
00:34:33Dad!
00:34:34Too much information?
00:34:35For a lifetime!
00:34:37Just because I'm your father doesn't mean I can't have an active sex life.
00:34:40Yeah, not with my boyfriend.
00:34:42Boyfriend?
00:34:44Boyfriend.
00:34:45Whatever!
00:34:47You think of me as your boyfriend?
00:34:49Yeah.
00:34:51I guess I thought I did.
00:34:58And so, what do you think of me as?
00:35:01Boyfriend seems such a silly word for someone my age.
00:35:05Yeah, tell me.
00:35:10Fine.
00:35:12I think of you as my boyfriend.
00:35:16Boyfriend.
00:35:19And now, also, apparently, my son's boyfriend.
00:35:22Please tell me you didn't have a three-way.
00:35:23No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:24No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:25No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:26No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:27No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:31I care about you both.
00:35:32You're both great guys!
00:35:33I care about you both.
00:35:34You're both great guys!
00:35:35I am.
00:35:36Yes, you are.
00:35:37I care about you both.
00:35:38You're both great guys.
00:35:39I am.
00:35:40Yes, you are.
00:35:41Yes, you are.
00:35:42You're not so bad.
00:35:43Sometimes.
00:35:44I know.
00:35:45So, can we find a way to work through this?
00:35:46I know.
00:35:47So, can we find a way to work through this?
00:35:48No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:49No, we did not have a three-way!
00:35:52I care about you both.
00:35:58You're both great guys.
00:36:00I am.
00:36:01Yes, you are.
00:36:04You are.
00:36:05You're not so bad.
00:36:08Sometimes.
00:36:09I know.
00:36:10So, can we find a way to work through this?
00:36:15How?
00:36:16I don't want to stop seeing you.
00:36:18Neither do I.
00:36:20I don't want to stop seeing both of you.
00:36:25It's just, if you weren't, you know what you are?
00:36:30If you weren't, would it be such a problem?
00:36:37No.
00:36:38But we are what we are.
00:36:41Yeah, which means that we have to be really careful of each other's feelings.
00:36:45Right?
00:36:46Right.
00:36:47Of course.
00:36:49So, why don't we keep dating and see where things lead?
00:36:58It's going to lead you right to a bad daytime talk show.
00:37:04That's where it's going to lead you.
00:37:05It's not that bad, Evvie.
00:37:06It's some gay version of Oedipus or something.
00:37:09I think you need to read up on your classics.
00:37:11Whatever.
00:37:12It's odd.
00:37:13It will lead to heartache.
00:37:15Or triple suicide.
00:37:17Or bad 80's ballads.
00:37:19Well, I think you're right about the heartache part.
00:37:22And the 80's ballads.
00:37:24And you are a smart man.
00:37:26How did you not see this coming?
00:37:27Oh, right.
00:37:28Because this happens so often, what?
00:37:30I should have expected it?
00:37:32Well, you should always expect the worst.
00:37:34Being a mother has taught me that.
00:37:36Yeah, but your son is...
00:37:40A holy turr.
00:37:41That's what he is.
00:37:42You said it.
00:37:43Hey!
00:37:44That's my kid you're talking about!
00:37:46Well, you just said...
00:37:47No, no, no.
00:37:48I can say whatever I want.
00:37:49You cannot.
00:37:50Mother's prerogative.
00:37:52Why are we friends again?
00:37:54Because no one else will have you, my anal retentive sweetheart.
00:37:58I am not anal retentive.
00:38:00I'm organized.
00:38:01Compartmentalized.
00:38:02Except in the bedroom.
00:38:04Yeah, that's a little messy.
00:38:06Yeah, I was talking about your father-son special.
00:38:09Hey, I have been really good up until now about keeping them from running into each other.
00:38:14Let me give you a medal.
00:38:15Ooh, I'll give you one of Jaden's.
00:38:17I swear, they give kids medals these days just for showing up.
00:38:20Well, isn't that supposed to be good for, like, their self-esteem?
00:38:23I don't know.
00:38:24But have you ever tried keeping your child's collection of useless, baseless medals on display?
00:38:31Yeah, every single medal, ribbon, trophy has to be out.
00:38:36It's like something from one of those...
00:38:39Those child abuse shows on beauty pageants?
00:38:42I don't think that's a show about child abuse.
00:38:46Potato, potato skins, whatever.
00:38:49Of course you're anal retentive.
00:38:52You're gay.
00:38:53We're all anal.
00:38:54And I'm exceptionally anal.
00:38:56Um, I don't think that means exactly what you think it does in this context.
00:39:01Since I don't know what context means, let's just move on, shall we?
00:39:06I do like that she used that word compartmentalized, because that is so you.
00:39:11Is not.
00:39:12Is so.
00:39:13How?
00:39:14Easy.
00:39:15Your bestest gal pal, Evelyn.
00:39:18The one who gives you such stellar advice.
00:39:20Yeah?
00:39:21Why haven't I ever met her?
00:39:23You haven't?
00:39:25You know I haven't.
00:39:27I know.
00:39:29We've known each other ever since you moved to town.
00:39:32And you've known Evelyn since what?
00:39:35College.
00:39:36So how...
00:39:37Wait, you didn't fuck her, did you?
00:39:39What?
00:39:40No!
00:39:41So she wasn't some college fling that you're tried to forget just by swallowing as many dicks
00:39:47as you could?
00:39:48Um, no.
00:39:49But thanks for asking.
00:39:50I always thought you two hooked up in college.
00:39:52I'm gay, Derek.
00:39:53I always have been.
00:39:54I know, but still.
00:39:55Have you ever had sex with a dude just to see if you liked it?
00:39:59No.
00:40:00Exactly.
00:40:01Not that there's anything wrong with that.
00:40:03Can I get back to my story now?
00:40:05Please do.
00:40:06Anyway, you've known me almost as long as you've known her.
00:40:10We all live in the same town, and yet you never bring your different friends together.
00:40:15Yes, I do.
00:40:17I tried.
00:40:18My birthday.
00:40:19And you were sick.
00:40:21Oh, right.
00:40:22You did.
00:40:23You know, you tried.
00:40:25Good point.
00:40:26You failed miserably, as you so often do.
00:40:29Not helping.
00:40:30Oh, I'm trying to help.
00:40:34You just like to have things in their place.
00:40:38You have your employees at work, who you order around, which I know you secretly like to do.
00:40:44I do not.
00:40:45Yes, you do.
00:40:46And work gives you that.
00:40:48And you have me for when you want to go dancing, or get fashion advice on your pathetic wardrobe.
00:40:55And you hang out with Evelyn when you want to see how the breeders are living.
00:40:59Or get fashion advice on your pathetic wardrobe.
00:41:03You gave me this tie.
00:41:04FYI.
00:41:05Oh, honey.
00:41:07It was a joke.
00:41:10Bow ties are cool.
00:41:12Are they though?
00:41:15The only time I've ever approved of your wardrobe was on that cruise when you coordinated your cock rings with your swimsuits.
00:41:22Well, who doesn't do that?
00:41:24Oh, you'd be surprised.
00:41:27Back to the subject at hand.
00:41:29Everyone has friends that do different things for them.
00:41:32You have several of us.
00:41:34And you're lucky to have us.
00:41:37And we do have one thing in common.
00:41:39Bitchiness.
00:41:40You.
00:41:41So, yeah, bitchiness actually covers it.
00:41:44Thanks a lot.
00:41:46I just, I hope that your lovers don't start getting all competitive.
00:41:53Not gonna happen.
00:41:56By the way, I made plans for dinner tonight.
00:42:00Picnic in the park and a walk around the lake.
00:42:03Mmm.
00:42:04Sound good?
00:42:05Can't wait.
00:42:12I made dinner reservations for tomorrow night.
00:42:14That new Italian place downtown.
00:42:16It's supposed to be fabulous.
00:42:18Mmm.
00:42:19Can't wait.
00:42:20I got us tickets for that concert you were talking about.
00:42:23I thought it was sold out.
00:42:25I pulled some strings.
00:42:26Mmm.
00:42:27I can't wait.
00:42:30I got us two tickets to the Philharmonic Saturday night.
00:42:33Front Orchestra, Beethoven's 9th.
00:42:35His 9th seat in the Front Orchestra.
00:42:38His 9th Symphony Philistine.
00:42:41Can't wait.
00:42:43Don't forget, we're playing tennis this afternoon.
00:42:46Don't forget, we have tickets to the tennis tournament at Indian Wells this weekend.
00:42:51I'm busy this weekend, but next weekend I'm free.
00:42:54Super.
00:42:55Cause I booked us at that amazing little resort in Palm Springs.
00:43:00You know the one in the movie we just watched?
00:43:03That's awesome.
00:43:04And unlike the movie, this one really is clothing optional.
00:43:10Oh, I can't wait.
00:43:13The weekend after next?
00:43:16No.
00:43:17I don't have plans.
00:43:18You do now.
00:43:19I booked us a suite at my favorite hotel in Las Vegas.
00:43:22Vegas?
00:43:23I'm not much of a gambler.
00:43:25That's okay.
00:43:26We don't ever have to leave the room.
00:43:29Can't wait.
00:43:33I'm exhausted.
00:43:35Too much work or too much sex?
00:43:38Too much of everything.
00:43:40Traveling.
00:43:41Concerts.
00:43:42Dinners out.
00:43:43Dinners in.
00:43:44Clubs.
00:43:45Parties.
00:43:46You name it.
00:43:47They have tried it.
00:43:49And I'm supposed to go to Vegas this weekend with Jacob.
00:43:53Question.
00:43:54Did the last restaurant you go to have crayons so you could draw on the menu?
00:44:01No.
00:44:02Then don't complain to me about being forced to go to Las Vegas, okay?
00:44:07Where's that delightfully well-mannered, so polite son of yours?
00:44:12Playdate at the park.
00:44:15It took us three months to set it up.
00:44:19The parents are very wealthy.
00:44:22Why are you whispering?
00:44:24Because that's what you do when you talk about wealthy people.
00:44:28Are you afraid they're going to hear you?
00:44:30Yes.
00:44:31Well, why don't you just tell them to back off?
00:44:36Your child's playdates wealthy parents.
00:44:38No.
00:44:39Your lovers.
00:44:40I don't want to.
00:44:42I just want...
00:44:45I want...
00:44:48What?
00:44:50I want...
00:44:51Jesus H. Cristo, use your grown up words!
00:44:55If I knew what I wanted, I wouldn't be in this predicament.
00:44:57Well, that's true.
00:44:59And 25 points for the use of the word predicament.
00:45:03But you know what they say.
00:45:05No, what do they say?
00:45:07You can't have a predicament without a big dick in the middle.
00:45:13They say that?
00:45:14Yes, they do.
00:45:15Who says that?
00:45:16Everyone. T-shirts, bumper stickers, license plates.
00:45:21You have been no help at all. Thank you.
00:45:24Want some wine?
00:45:26It's in mommy's special sippy cup.
00:45:32That is not wine.
00:45:37No.
00:45:38No.
00:45:41Vegas looked a lot bigger in the pictures.
00:45:46I wanted to surprise you.
00:45:48Surprise.
00:45:49So no slot machines.
00:45:54Vegas would have been fun, but I thought this would be a little more intimate.
00:46:01But I brought clothes to go out at night.
00:46:04You can still go out at night to get firewood.
00:46:07You brought me up here to get you wood.
00:46:09That's one way of putting it.
00:46:11What's another way?
00:46:13I wanted to keep you on your toes.
00:46:15How about on my knees?
00:46:17Even better.
00:46:25So you rented this place for the whole weekend?
00:46:28I didn't rent it. I own it.
00:46:30You own it?
00:46:31Every square inch.
00:46:34I can't believe you own a cabin in the mountains.
00:46:38We bought it years ago.
00:46:40Well, I love it. It's quaint.
00:46:46It's very old-fashioned.
00:46:48I think so.
00:46:50It's very you.
00:46:51You can shut up now.
00:46:54That's the boys' bedroom.
00:46:56Sorry.
00:46:57I forgot we aren't going to mention Colton this weekend.
00:47:00Listen, I shouldn't have said that.
00:47:02You can talk about whatever you want. He's your son.
00:47:04Deal.
00:47:05That's the small bedroom.
00:47:07Twin beds.
00:47:08Please tell me there's a bigger bedroom.
00:47:11There's a bigger bedroom.
00:47:13With a bigger bed.
00:47:14With a bigger bed.
00:47:15Tell me where.
00:47:16Into the hallway past the bathroom.
00:47:18Leave the way.
00:47:28Just what I need. Peace and quiet.
00:47:31Huh.
00:47:36Peace and quiet and a shower.
00:47:38You heard that right?
00:47:53I heard something.
00:47:55Everything looks okay.
00:47:57Go lock the front door just in case.
00:47:59Good idea.
00:48:00You feel safer now?
00:48:04Much.
00:48:05Hecting you.
00:48:06Let's go to bed.
00:48:08The bed.
00:48:09MRT.
00:48:16Shh.
00:48:17Tsk.
00:48:19Tsk.
00:48:20Tsk.
00:48:21Tsk.
00:48:23Tsk.
00:48:25Wait.
00:48:26Tsk.
00:48:27Tsk.
00:48:28Tsk.
00:48:29Tsk.
00:48:30Tsk.
00:48:31Tsk.
00:48:32Tsk.
00:48:33Tsk!
00:48:34Are there wild animals up here besides me?
00:49:02Besides you.
00:49:03Oh yeah, lots.
00:49:05That must be it.
00:49:06Must be.
00:49:10Have you ever had any break-ins up here?
00:49:12A couple of times. One guy was here for a week before we caught him.
00:49:15Well that's not creepy at all.
00:49:17I'm sure it's fine. Don't be so nervous.
00:49:20I'm not nervous.
00:49:24Do you think somebody's gonna walk in and catch us?
00:49:27Maybe.
00:49:29And maybe I'd like it.
00:49:31Get your ass to bed.
00:49:33Only my ass.
00:49:34You said there were wild animals up here.
00:49:43Right.
00:49:44And they sometimes get inside the cabin?
00:49:46Sometimes.
00:49:47Have they ever taken a shower before?
00:49:49Not to my knowledge.
00:49:50On three.
00:49:51One.
00:49:52One.
00:49:53Two.
00:49:54Three.
00:49:55One.
00:49:56Two.
00:49:57Three.
00:49:58Oh!
00:49:59Colton!
00:50:00Dad?
00:50:01Doug?
00:50:02Seriously?
00:50:03Seriously?
00:50:04Seriously?
00:50:05Seriously?
00:50:06It's not my fault.
00:50:07We were right in the middle of...
00:50:08I don't wanna know.
00:50:09Am I kidding?
00:50:10This is hilarious.
00:50:11Of course I wanna know.
00:50:12Fine.
00:50:13We were just about to...
00:50:14Bro.
00:50:15Stop.
00:50:16I don't wanna know.
00:50:17Fine.
00:50:18It's what you and Karen did for your last anniversary.
00:50:19Nice.
00:50:20Anyway.
00:50:22What are you doing here?
00:50:24geoin means the window
00:50:25Once more room withورtheon arrival here.
00:50:27It just kinda bugs.
00:50:28I can't eat.
00:50:29Just to me.
00:50:30Somewhere right?
00:50:31That's no romance one.
00:50:32I zwischen a story.
00:50:34Oh my God.
00:50:42Who do you have a picture and see why?
00:50:44What is that?
00:50:46What is it?
00:50:47What do you think so could I don't have to do?
00:50:50I could ask you the same thing! You're supposed to be in Vegas!
00:50:53Change of plans. I thought I'd show Doug the cabin.
00:50:56Well, I wanted to come to the cabin while you were out of town. Where's your car, anyway?
00:51:00I parked it around back.
00:51:03And can we please put some clothes on?
00:51:08Can I use this as a case study for my patients?
00:51:11No! You're not supposed to be here.
00:51:13And you were supposed to be spending the weekend with your friends.
00:51:16Well, they bailed on me. Besides, you know I come to the cabin when I'm upset.
00:51:19I didn't think you were that upset.
00:51:21Of course I'm upset!
00:51:23Why?
00:51:24Because my father's fucking my boyfriend.
00:51:30My boyfriend's fucking my father.
00:51:35Oh. That.
00:51:39Look, clearly this is all my fault.
00:51:42No, it's not.
00:51:44Of course it is.
00:51:45You can't blame him.
00:51:46Why not?
00:51:47Yeah. Why not? I mean, I am the one that started seeing you both at the same time.
00:51:52And you couldn't put two and two together?
00:51:54Was I supposed to ask if your gay father lived in the neighborhood?
00:51:58Because that doesn't come up in normal conversation.
00:52:01Sorry.
00:52:07Can't you understand what I see in each of you?
00:52:09I can see it.
00:52:13I guess I can.
00:52:15Even though he's old.
00:52:17Watch it.
00:52:18Your father's ten years older than I am.
00:52:21I'm ten years older than you.
00:52:23How is that different?
00:52:24Because...
00:52:25Exactly.
00:52:32Believe me.
00:52:33When you get to a certain age, it really doesn't seem to be such a big deal.
00:52:40Really?
00:52:42Really.
00:52:42I mean, naturally there are differences between the two of you.
00:52:49Like what?
00:52:50Yes, like what?
00:52:52Serious?
00:52:58Fine.
00:52:58You are impulsive.
00:53:03In a good way.
00:53:04You go with the flow.
00:53:07Like when someone mistakes me for a stripper?
00:53:10Like that.
00:53:12And you care enough about your father to let him live with you after his house sold so quickly.
00:53:18Above asking price, I might add.
00:53:20And he needed a place to live until he can find a new house.
00:53:27It was very nice of you.
00:53:32You're welcome.
00:53:35And you are comfortable in your skin in the way that only people who have made the decision
00:53:42to come out late in life can be.
00:53:46Later.
00:53:47Later in life.
00:53:49Not late.
00:53:50I'm not dead.
00:53:51Later in life.
00:53:53And you're kind and generous.
00:53:55See, he wants your money.
00:53:58He has money.
00:54:00So not the point.
00:54:02Sorry.
00:54:03You're generous with your time and your heart.
00:54:07And you love your son unconditionally.
00:54:13And I appreciate that more than you'll ever know.
00:54:18See?
00:54:20You're both great guys.
00:54:23Frankly, I don't see what you see in me.
00:54:26I don't either.
00:54:27Clueless.
00:54:29Shut up.
00:54:33So.
00:54:37So.
00:54:37I'm not ready to choose between you.
00:54:51Not yet.
00:54:53But.
00:54:53But what?
00:54:54I have made a decision about one thing.
00:55:01Well, this isn't what I had planned.
00:55:04Ain't that the truth?
00:55:08And we can agree that this would be a little less awkward if we didn't both sleep nude?
00:55:13I think we can agree on that.
00:55:23Doug is nice to wake up two in the morning.
00:55:26Stop talking.
00:55:29Now.
00:55:29How are you.
00:55:47I am.
00:55:56Okay.
00:55:56Morning.
00:56:08Morning.
00:56:10Sleep well?
00:56:15Not really.
00:56:19Neither did Wade.
00:56:21Sorry.
00:56:23He snores.
00:56:26I know.
00:56:30And he shouldn't have had beans for dinner.
00:56:33That could get ugly.
00:56:40We were talking, and we made a decision.
00:56:47Do you want me to sit down for this?
00:56:54We thought, we both thought, this would work itself out.
00:57:11Either you'd have stronger feelings for one of us.
00:57:15Or one of us would have stronger feelings for you.
00:57:20But it seems we're at a stalemate.
00:57:25I know.
00:57:26And I'm sorry.
00:57:30Unfortunately, that's not enough anymore.
00:57:34Meaning what?
00:57:38Meaning we both decided to stop seeing you.
00:57:45Both of you.
00:57:48Both of us.
00:57:50It's not fair to us, and it's not fair to you.
00:57:55It's not fair to spend time with the only two men I've ever really loved.
00:58:03Can you really love two men at the same time?
00:58:06I know it doesn't make logical sense.
00:58:08And I know it doesn't conform to society's norms.
00:58:11But, yeah.
00:58:15I do.
00:58:16I love you both.
00:58:18If we weren't in this fucked up situation, we might give you the time to figure it out.
00:58:28But we are in this fucked up situation, as Colton so aptly put it.
00:58:35And we just can't do it anymore.
00:58:39So that's it?
00:58:43Both just gone from my life?
00:58:46I guess so.
00:58:48You couldn't make a decision, Doug.
00:58:52We had to.
00:58:56Sorry.
00:59:01We're both sorry.
00:59:16We're both sorry.
00:59:17We're both sorry.
00:59:19All right.
00:59:20All right.
00:59:22I know you're wrong.
00:59:26But you got through the mess.
00:59:27There's all right.
00:59:29You nuts and stuff.
00:59:30You did work right.
00:59:31You did that.
00:59:32Let's do the mess.
00:59:33Okay?
00:59:34So that's it?
00:59:36How the mess of I wanna put together.
00:59:38It's okay.
01:00:09There we go. First hint of a smile I've seen in three weeks.
01:00:15Sorry, I've had a lot on my mind.
01:00:18I know. You've shared it with me over and over and over.
01:00:23Have I been that bad?
01:00:25Abso-fucking-lutely.
01:00:27Careful. That model child of yours will hear you.
01:00:31That kid learned the word bitch on the playground last week
01:00:37and has proceeded to call me a bitch ever since.
01:00:41So he's perceptive too.
01:00:43Yeah, I guess he is.
01:00:47But enough about me. How can I help you?
01:00:51Get them back.
01:00:55Sweetie, if I thought it would help, I would try.
01:00:59But you don't.
01:01:03Do you?
01:01:05I think so.
01:01:09I don't know anymore.
01:01:11You know, if Jayden turns out to be gay, just make sure this never happens to him.
01:01:17Oh my god, I hope he turns out gay.
01:01:19Then I would actually have something in common with him.
01:01:21Unfortunately, the boy is just like his father.
01:01:25Behaviors do run in the family.
01:01:27You know what I think?
01:01:31I think it's all genetic.
01:01:33What?
01:01:35Everything.
01:01:37Yeah, I think it's all genetics, like DNA.
01:01:39But it's just so random that there's no way to understand it.
01:01:43Well, I think some scientists might disagree with you.
01:01:47No, no, no. Take you and your brother. Fraternal twins.
01:01:49You don't look anything alike.
01:01:51Which I find odd, by the way.
01:01:53I think your mother is hiding something.
01:01:55Maybe it was switched at birth.
01:01:57Ooh, fun.
01:01:59But let's assume, no, that did not happen.
01:02:01You're twins.
01:02:03You're raised in the same house, in the same way.
01:02:05But you're gay and he's straight.
01:02:07What's up with that?
01:02:09Well, actually, studies show.
01:02:11I'm not finished and I don't care about your studies.
01:02:13It's genetics, I tell you.
01:02:15Take Jacob and Colton.
01:02:17Father and son, both gay.
01:02:19Both inexplicably attracted to you.
01:02:23Why?
01:02:25Genetics.
01:02:27Genetics.
01:02:29Like DNA.
01:02:31Like something deep down in their DNA
01:02:33is attracted to something deep down in your DNA.
01:02:37And vice versa.
01:02:39Because they're both gay, you're not sure which one you're supposed to be attracted to.
01:02:54That makes absolutely no sense.
01:02:55No, no, it does, it does.
01:02:57It's genetics.
01:02:58It's like the pheromones wafting around.
01:03:00Yes.
01:03:01It's like you're sensing something from one of them, but the other one is giving off a false scent.
01:03:09And I'm supposed to figure out which one is real and which one is the placebo?
01:03:15Yes!
01:03:19Give me the wine.
01:03:21That is the right answer, my dear.
01:03:24Doug.
01:03:25Dougie.
01:03:26Douglas.
01:03:27Dewey.
01:03:28Look on the bright side.
01:03:29There's a bright side?
01:03:30Sure.
01:03:31You didn't want to have to choose between them and now you don't have to.
01:03:45Oh my god, you should go into motivational speaking.
01:03:49I know.
01:03:50Is it working?
01:03:52Not one little bit.
01:03:55Okay.
01:03:57What did Evelyn say about it?
01:03:59She gave me a lecture about genetics.
01:04:03Why?
01:04:05I have no idea.
01:04:06Wait, how did you know I talked to her?
01:04:08Because you always talk to her about important stuff first.
01:04:13And I don't mind.
01:04:14I mean, after all, she has made a relationship work.
01:04:19And she even had a kid.
01:04:23Well, you know I value your advice too.
01:04:27Please, like I have anything to contribute to a conversation about relationships.
01:04:34Until now.
01:04:38Wait.
01:04:42What?
01:04:44I kind of met someone.
01:04:46When?
01:04:48Well, it was right around the time of that mountain cabin fiasco.
01:04:52So...
01:04:54And you didn't tell me?
01:04:56I couldn't very well tell you about something great happening to me when you're going through this.
01:05:01Yes, you can. I want to know these things.
01:05:03Lord knows you've heard my share of drama.
01:05:05Can I hear an amen?
01:05:06And despite that remark, I'm always here for you.
01:05:11Good times. Bad times.
01:05:13Are you about to burst into song?
01:05:16Maybe.
01:05:18But first...
01:05:20Spill your guts. I want the dish.
01:05:22I want the dish.
01:05:23Oh, um...
01:05:25Okay.
01:05:27Well, he's just a little teensy-weeny, itsy-bitsy, tiny bit...
01:05:35Older than me.
01:05:37Older than your real age or older than the age you tell everybody you are?
01:05:41Both.
01:05:43And...
01:05:45He wears the worst sweaters you've ever seen.
01:05:49I mean...
01:05:51Really, really bad.
01:05:53And yet...
01:05:56He's really sweet.
01:05:57Oh, my God.
01:06:00You like sweet?
01:06:02I do now.
01:06:04Plus, he's hung like an elephant.
01:06:07That's the Woody I know.
01:06:09Oh, my gosh.
01:06:12Congratulations. Wait, how... where did you meet?
01:06:14Get this.
01:06:16My mom set us up.
01:06:18How random is that?
01:06:20Wow.
01:06:21Life is random.
01:06:22Trust me on that.
01:06:24I'm so excited for you.
01:06:25Look at you.
01:06:27You're all glowing.
01:06:29And I will be happy for you.
01:06:31No matter what happens with Jacob and Colton.
01:06:36So...
01:06:38What do you think's gonna happen?
01:06:41Ugh.
01:06:43Honestly...
01:06:45I don't think I'll ever see either one of them again.
01:06:54Dog, you okay?
01:06:57Fine.
01:06:59Is my next client here?
01:07:01No.
01:07:02But you do have a visitor.
01:07:12No.
01:07:17Hey.
01:07:18Hi.
01:07:21He was asking about you, so I just wanted to make sure he found you.
01:07:25There he is.
01:07:30And thanks for that introduction.
01:07:31I'm Phillip.
01:07:32I'm Doug.
01:07:33I'm an employee.
01:07:34And I'm in an open relationship.
01:07:36Phillip.
01:07:38Nice to meet you.
01:07:40You must be Jacob, right?
01:07:42No.
01:07:43I'm Colton.
01:07:45Right.
01:07:46And I'm leaving.
01:07:52I...
01:07:53I wanted to see where you worked.
01:07:58I hope you don't mind.
01:08:00No.
01:08:03Not at all.
01:08:06It's very...
01:08:10Clean.
01:08:11Organized.
01:08:13Just like you.
01:08:15Thanks.
01:08:17I think.
01:08:19Yeah.
01:08:21That didn't come out so good, did it?
01:08:23Why are you here?
01:08:26Why do you think?
01:08:28I miss you.
01:08:31I miss you.
01:08:33I miss you.
01:08:35I miss you.
01:08:37Why do you think?
01:08:42I miss you.
01:08:47I miss you.
01:08:52So, did you come here to make your case?
01:08:59Sell me?
01:09:01Sell you?
01:09:02Tell me that this has all been one big mistake.
01:09:06Would that be so wrong?
01:09:10No.
01:09:12I'd do the same thing if I was in your position.
01:09:16What would you say, you know, if you were in my position?
01:09:22I'd say that you wanted to get to know me better.
01:09:29And that you could see a future with me.
01:09:37Well, that's all true.
01:09:40Why didn't you just say that?
01:09:45I don't want to say anything bad about my father.
01:09:48It's not how I was raised.
01:09:50But as much as I hate this situation, I still love you.
01:10:03When my father came out, I wasn't that surprised really.
01:10:08But I was worried I didn't have to be.
01:10:13Why not?
01:10:15Because he's smart.
01:10:19He's grounded.
01:10:24He's everything I want to be.
01:10:25Which is why I know he'll be strong enough to get through this if you choose me.
01:10:34Why not?
01:10:35Why not?
01:10:36Why not?
01:10:38Why not?
01:10:40Because he's the person who wants to know me.
01:10:42How can they be?
01:10:44Where not?
01:10:46I was like you.
01:10:48Why not?
01:10:50We're just gonna be not a valid person.
01:10:52This is the person who loves you.
01:10:54Jacob, what are you doing?
01:11:16I hope you don't mind me stopping by.
01:11:19No, I don't know.
01:11:21I brought wine.
01:11:25Thanks.
01:11:34Do you want to sit down?
01:11:36No, I really can't stay.
01:11:38But I have wine.
01:11:40Which you may need after this.
01:11:44After what?
01:11:46After I tell you I think you should be with Colton.
01:11:50Why?
01:11:54What happened?
01:11:56What happened is that I see how much this is hurting my son.
01:12:00Don't get me wrong Doug, I love you.
01:12:04I really do.
01:12:06I love you.
01:12:08I love you.
01:12:09But I love Colton in a way that you may never understand.
01:12:22You make sacrifices for your kids to make them happy.
01:12:25Yeah, like staying in a marriage that doesn't work.
01:12:31Among other things.
01:12:35You've sacrificed for Colton your entire life.
01:12:41What do you want?
01:12:43What I want more than anything is for my son to be happy.
01:12:47And your happiness?
01:12:51I come second.
01:12:54If you ever have kids you'll see.
01:12:57He's stronger than you realize.
01:13:00Thanks to you.
01:13:02He could survive anything.
01:13:09I know.
01:13:30I've thought about this a lot.
01:13:35And I'm content with my decision.
01:13:37And at least I'll still have you in my life.
01:13:41I'll still have you in my life.
01:14:11How did you know?
01:14:25How did I know what?
01:14:27How did you know that Karen was the one for you?
01:14:32Are you serious?
01:14:34More than I've ever been before.
01:14:36How'd I know?
01:14:38You can't tell anyone this, okay?
01:14:43Your secret's safe with me.
01:14:47When Karen and I first started dating I was seeing other girls.
01:14:52Casual, nothing serious.
01:14:54Yeah.
01:14:55I remember.
01:14:57But when I made plans with Karen I just felt different.
01:15:04You know, excited.
01:15:06I'm not excited, that's not the word.
01:15:09Um...
01:15:11Then what?
01:15:13I felt...
01:15:15content.
01:15:17Like nothing could go wrong.
01:15:20Like being with her was exactly where I was supposed to be.
01:15:25I don't know if that makes sense.
01:15:28Yeah.
01:15:29Makes perfect sense.
01:15:30I just want you to have what I found with Karen.
01:15:35So just ask yourself, does one of those men next door make you feel content?
01:15:41Not just happy, but content.
01:15:45Yeah.
01:15:46One of them does.
01:15:47One of them does.
01:15:48I made my decision.
01:15:52I choose you.
01:16:13Did you pick up the wine?
01:16:25Do I ever forget the wine?
01:16:29No, but do I ever forget to remind you?
01:16:32Never.
01:16:33Is it on the table?
01:16:35It's on the table.
01:16:36Evelyn likes red.
01:16:38We have red.
01:16:39We have white.
01:16:40We have champagne.
01:16:42We have champagne?
01:16:43We have champagne.
01:16:44Excellent.
01:16:45And everyone's here.
01:16:48Well, almost everyone.
01:16:51Has anyone ever told you you're anal retentive?
01:16:53Only 3,451 times.
01:16:57And you kept track of that?
01:16:59I did.
01:17:00Anal retentive.
01:17:02Detail oriented.
01:17:03Potato vodka shots.
01:17:05Whatever.
01:17:09Fashionably late as always.
01:17:11Would you expect anything else?
01:17:13Never.
01:17:17Evening boys.
01:17:18Hey dad.
01:17:21Is that for me?
01:17:23You know it is.
01:17:25I thought you gave me my present earlier.
01:17:28Shh.
01:17:29Not in front of the kid.
01:17:31Happy birthday, sweetie.
01:17:33Mmm.
01:17:34I love you.
01:17:36I know.
01:17:38There you are.
01:17:42Evelyn sent me in to hurry it up.
01:17:44She is dying for her cake and booze fix.
01:17:46More the booze than the cake.
01:17:47Just like the rest of us.
01:17:49So glad you could come.
01:17:51And Mrs. Stepfather's birthday, not a chance.
01:17:54Hey.
01:17:55What did I tell you?
01:17:56Don't call me your stepfather.
01:17:57It makes me feel old.
01:17:59You are old.
01:18:00Remember?
01:18:01You grab the cake.
01:18:03You grab him.
01:18:04And you grab me.
01:18:07I can't believe all this worked out.
01:18:14The party?
01:18:15No.
01:18:16This.
01:18:17Us.
01:18:18Colton.
01:18:19Everything.
01:18:20This has to rank as one of my most unusual courtships.
01:18:24More unusual than being married to a lesbian for 20 years?
01:18:28Pretty close.
01:18:29Still think you made the right decision?
01:18:30I definitely made the right decision.
01:18:31I can't believe you chose me.
01:18:32Sometimes you just gotta go with your gut.
01:18:35Deep down I knew Colton wasn't right for me.
01:18:37It just took my heart a little longer to realize it.
01:18:38He's a good man.
01:18:39And he seems to have bounced back quickly enough.
01:18:40That's all thanks to you.
01:19:03Now let's go celebrate with your friends.
01:19:18Hey, you never told me how your father and Doug met.
01:19:32I tried to leave home with someone else.
01:19:34Hey, it's the birthday boy!
01:19:46That was great.
01:19:50Hey, it's the birthday boy.
01:19:54The best birthday ever.
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