- 6 months ago
A Fantastic Relationship Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Hey, so, uh, I kind of have a surprise for you.
00:00:45A surprise?
00:00:46Yeah, sort of like a gift.
00:00:49You got me a gift?
00:00:51Wait, did I miss an occasion or something?
00:00:56Did I forget our anniversary?
00:00:57No, no, I just thought you might get a kick out of it.
00:01:00Oh, wow.
00:01:04You know, don't get too excited.
00:01:06I mean, you might hate it.
00:01:07Okay, fine.
00:01:07I will not judge it until I decide if I hate it or not.
00:01:11What do you think?
00:01:26Pretty nuts, right?
00:01:30What is that?
00:01:31It's a huge tattoo.
00:01:32Of us.
00:01:38So, uh, thoughts?
00:01:43I hate it.
00:01:44Alexa, stop.
00:02:01So, uh, what do you hate about it?
00:02:03Everything.
00:02:04Okay.
00:02:05I would really love to know who the tattoo artist is because, wow.
00:02:08What?
00:02:09Brian, I look horrendous.
00:02:10How did you think I was going to like a tattoo of me looking like Sloth from the Goonies?
00:02:13Okay, I feel like you're attacking me now.
00:02:15I feel like you're attacking me with that tattoo.
00:02:17Okay, oh my God.
00:02:18Will you just stop?
00:02:20So, do you deny that that tattoo is stupid?
00:02:23No, but I thought that was part of the fun.
00:02:24No, this would only be fun if it turned out that a toddler had drawn it with a Sharpie.
00:02:29Oh my God.
00:02:29You know, what I did was impulsive and probably kind of dumb,
00:02:32but honestly, you know, how you're reacting is so much worse.
00:02:35Well, my reaction is far less worse than that abomination.
00:02:40You know, whenever I go and do something,
00:02:42you always default to this negative, cynical energy that translates into you belittling me.
00:02:47So, anything you do, no matter how insane or bizarre,
00:02:50I'm just supposed to be like, cool?
00:02:52I'm so happy that you have a picture of me looking like a melted wax figurine permanently on your torso.
00:02:57That is so far from the reality of this situation.
00:03:00You have been dating me for two years, okay?
00:03:03You absolutely knew that this was going to be my reaction.
00:03:06I didn't.
00:03:06Yeah, you did.
00:03:07I didn't.
00:03:08I think that you did this on purpose so that you could once again play the victim.
00:03:12I am never the victim.
00:03:14Oh, you were always the victim.
00:03:16Okay, well, if I'm always the victim, then that makes you always the assailant.
00:03:19Oh, so I'm the assailant now.
00:03:20No, you're not an assailant.
00:03:22You're a black hole.
00:03:23And I, like, I don't mean that as a fat joke because, you know, you're in good shape.
00:03:26What I mean is you are a void that sucks up the things I offer, like romantic gestures
00:03:31or compliments or vacation ideas, and you crush them into, like, this infinitely small mass
00:03:36that light can't even escape from.
00:03:38Your compulsive desire to pulverize everything positive I do, it, like, defies the laws of
00:03:43gravity and physics.
00:03:44I would rather be a black hole than a middle school emo crybaby.
00:03:49Every single challenge in life, instead of going, hey, maybe let me meet this with some
00:03:53kind of level of composure and dignity, I'm going to instead throw a big old tantrum
00:03:58and blame my girlfriend.
00:03:59Look at me.
00:04:00Look at me.
00:04:01I'm Katie.
00:04:02I'm a robot.
00:04:03I work every minute of every day to avoid addressing my strange relationships and personal life.
00:04:07On my deathbed, I'm going to regret spending my whole life completing meaningless tasks.
00:04:12I work a job that I have trouble describing what it is I actually do.
00:04:16I am overcompensating in order to win the approval of my parents.
00:04:19What the hell's that mean?
00:04:21Oh, great, great.
00:04:22Yeah, maybe you should show the neighbor your nifty new tattoo.
00:04:25You know, I bet they're going to be more supportive than my girlfriend.
00:04:32What the fuck's going on in here, man?
00:04:33I'm sorry, we're having a bit of an argument, you know, we'll try and keep it down.
00:04:36Alexa, stop!
00:04:37Hey, man, I got kids upstairs, man.
00:04:39They don't need to hear this toxic shit.
00:04:41They don't need that.
00:04:42Like I said, I apologize, we'll keep it down.
00:04:44Alexa, stop!
00:04:45Who in the hell fights over this new wave shit?
00:04:46The Alexa broke.
00:04:48Honestly, I don't like it either.
00:04:49It's her music.
00:04:49Listen, man, this is supposed to be a quiet, family-friendly duplex.
00:04:53We promise we're going to be very family-friendly from now on.
00:04:56Awesome, Tucky!
00:04:57Stop!
00:05:00Stop!
00:05:04I get it, man.
00:05:15We all go through this.
00:05:18We all have fights.
00:05:19But you guys, your fights are so different, man.
00:05:22They're cold.
00:05:23I mean, they're sad.
00:05:25I mean, fuck, they're empty.
00:05:27God damn.
00:05:29You guys are fucking sad.
00:05:30Oh, I think we can both agree that was pretty embarrassing.
00:05:49Look, this has become unsustainable.
00:05:53I assume you're talking about our relationship?
00:05:55Yeah.
00:05:57You know, I just don't see any reality where this works long-term.
00:06:02Yeah, that might be the case here.
00:06:08So, uh, what's next?
00:06:14Well, this might be a little inappropriate, but, um...
00:06:18Is it okay if I keep the apartment?
00:06:22I mean, all my mail for my business comes here,
00:06:25and I spent all the time finding this place and decorating it,
00:06:27and you didn't do much.
00:06:30No, that don't make sense.
00:06:34Great!
00:06:38Really regretting the tattoo.
00:06:40A lot of people don't want to know the truth.
00:06:54Someone's fallen on the streets.
00:06:55Every puppet has a master.
00:06:56It's Chase Bank.
00:06:57It's the Bush administration.
00:06:58People either want to be controlled or they want to be in control.
00:07:00I know what I want.
00:07:06Ports are good.
00:07:07I think I'm not what I was expecting, but it's fine.
00:07:09And I think we go through all the annual courses last year.
00:07:12I've been on hold, no, baby.
00:07:27Don't you feel the times are coming
00:07:30When it feels so right
00:07:33To dance in the moonlight, baby, with you.
00:07:39Hey, uh, yeah, so I am going to come to your house right now.
00:07:54Yeah.
00:07:54You love her.
00:07:56Yeah, it's just a little bit.
00:07:57I think of you
00:07:59All my troubles
00:08:01I'm going to jump in.
00:08:03Don't you feel the times are coming
00:08:07ichts I feel is a bit strong
00:08:09I've been on hold.
00:08:13Don't you feel the times are coming
00:08:15cause I think it's so strong
00:08:17I've been on hold down, baby
00:08:18Don't you feel the times are coming
00:08:21cause I feel it's so strong
00:08:21I feel it's so strong I've been on hold on, baby
00:08:26Don't you feel the times I'm calling you
00:08:30When it feels so right to dance in the moonlight, baby, with you
00:08:51It's like the moment he showed me the tattoo, I knew I could never look at him the same
00:09:00I mean, he might as well have thrown an old lady down a flight of stairs
00:09:03It's like I can't unsee it
00:09:04Totally
00:09:05Just imagining that idea, popping into his head
00:09:08And him going, hmm, this is a good idea
00:09:09And then just like scampering into a tattoo parlor and getting it done
00:09:12Kind of makes me sick
00:09:13Totally, it's sickening
00:09:15And you should have seen the way that he showed me the tattoo
00:09:18It was like he was this weak little puppy just begging for my approval
00:09:23Puppy, gross
00:09:24You know, and it's not like he has to have it together all the time
00:09:27But it's like, have a backbone sometimes, man
00:09:30It's I am your girlfriend, I am not your mother
00:09:34Mother
00:09:37Are you even listening?
00:09:40Yeah
00:09:44Okay, Katie
00:09:45Have you ever tried dating someone that seems less like a guy and more like an animal?
00:09:51What?
00:09:52Katie
00:09:53Right now, I am seeing this guy that just feels dangerous
00:09:57He works out all the time, he does MMA, he takes steroids, he drives recklessly through neighborhoods with, like, kids in the streets
00:10:04He has all these guns
00:10:05And his dick is just...
00:10:08It's huge
00:10:11Honestly, I think it's too big
00:10:13But, I don't know, actually, I think it suits him
00:10:16Anyway, what I'm trying to say is after years of dating, like, the down-to-earth, self-aware type, right?
00:10:21I am just refreshed dating someone who feels like he's gonna fly off the handle
00:10:25Like, last week we were at this restaurant and he just started screaming at our server
00:10:29I mean, he totally lost it
00:10:30Thought he was gonna, like, break a bottle and start stabbing people
00:10:33It was like a movie
00:10:34The point is
00:10:40It was really hot
00:10:42And I think, Katie
00:10:44Deep down inside
00:10:46Whether you want to admit it or not
00:10:49You need something like that in your life
00:10:55I think I'm good on that
00:10:58I think what I really need is someone who knows what he wants
00:11:00I know what I want
00:11:01I don't compare myself to other people
00:11:03I don't judge myself
00:11:04I just want someone to meet me on that level
00:11:06I want a man who is as secure in his life as I am
00:11:10Hmm
00:11:16Yeah
00:11:18Oh, be right back
00:11:27Natalie!
00:11:28Oh my god, hey
00:11:30How are you, girl?
00:11:32I'm good
00:11:32I'm...
00:11:33I'm so good
00:11:35It's good to hear from you
00:11:36It has been way too long
00:11:37Yeah
00:11:38Yeah, I think the last time we saw each other was
00:11:40It was Mom's awkward Zoom call.
00:11:42Ugh, I knew the day of reckoning would come when she learned how to use video chat.
00:11:47So, how are you? What's going on?
00:11:51Well, I actually wanted a call to let you know I'm in town.
00:11:57Really?
00:12:00Wow!
00:12:01Yeah! I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner,
00:12:04but it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing where Luke and I wanted to visit some friends.
00:12:08How long are you guys in town for?
00:12:10Only a few days, actually.
00:12:12Oh no!
00:12:14Yeah, I wish I could stay longer, but you know how things get.
00:12:18Anyway, I know this is so, so last minute, and feel free to say no,
00:12:22but Luke and I are going to this really small dinner party tonight at a friend's place,
00:12:26and I wanted to see if you wanted to come.
00:12:32You still there?
00:12:34Yeah!
00:12:35Yeah, did you say tonight?
00:12:37Yeah, again, it's totally fine if you can't make it. I just wanted to get a chance to see you.
00:12:44Yeah!
00:12:44Yeah, I can be there. Yeah, no problem.
00:12:48You sure?
00:12:50Absolutely.
00:12:51Oh my god, that's so great. I can't wait to hear everything that's going on with you.
00:12:57Yeah, I'm so excited.
00:12:59Great!
00:13:00Wait, oh, are you still with, um, I'm so sorry I forget his name.
00:13:04Brian.
00:13:05Brian.
00:13:06Yes, Brian. Are you still... together?
00:13:13Yeah.
00:13:15Yeah, we're, we're totally. We're so, we're so, we're so good.
00:13:19Great! Well, he's more than welcome to come along. I'd love to finally meet him.
00:13:24We'll both be there.
00:13:25Awesome!
00:13:26Well, we've got to run, but I'll text you the details.
00:13:29Okay, um, I'm so excited.
00:13:31I can't wait to see you, Katie.
00:13:33Bye!
00:13:43Oh my god, have you seen Rachel's new wedding photos? Barf.
00:13:47So, you're saying your relationship would have fallen apart anyway because her sense of humor isn't as good as yours?
00:14:09No. I would never say that.
00:14:12Okay.
00:14:13I mean, her sense of humor, to be honest, definitely doesn't match mine.
00:14:16I mean, she never got like subtle jokes and ironic gestures, obviously.
00:14:21And yeah, that probably would have led to us eventually breaking up.
00:14:24But I, I feel like it's more about her inability to communicate.
00:14:28You think she doesn't listen to you?
00:14:29No, obviously she listened. She just didn't listen, you know?
00:14:34For example, I have told her on multiple occasions, you know, I'm allergic to wine.
00:14:40I know, and it's weird, but I am.
00:14:42I get flush, my stomach acts up, I feel like complete garbage.
00:14:45But like clockwork, once a month, she'll be like, oh my god, we gotta try this new place, Cafe Pazazza.
00:14:50I mean, it honestly feels like a slap in the face when she does that.
00:14:53Yeah, man, that's super disrespectful.
00:14:55No, it's not super disrespectful. It just shows she has no consideration for anyone but herself.
00:15:01I just think she is deeply emotionally insecure.
00:15:05You know, she's in a relationship, but what's even the point?
00:15:08She never wants to do anything fun. We never go on trips because of her work.
00:15:11She never really listens.
00:15:13She says I love you, but after dating someone for two years, that's mandatory.
00:15:17I don't think she has a definition of what love is for her.
00:15:21And to be perfectly honest, my love might be too strong for her.
00:15:24You know, my love is pretty strong.
00:15:27I sort of wonder if she can't fully comprehend the power of my love.
00:15:33You know?
00:15:40Yeah, um...
00:15:43Yeah, there's definitely a lot to unpack there.
00:15:47You know, it's tough for me to be sort of neutral in all of this because...
00:15:51Katie and I haven't really seen eye to eye on most things.
00:15:57The one piece of advice I can give you is that...
00:16:01Even though you're going through a tough time, I think what happened is good.
00:16:06I think this is a great opportunity for you to find some change in your life.
00:16:09You know, during the next chapter.
00:16:12But it's important to remember that when you read a book, you don't go back and read a chapter twice.
00:16:15You move on. You continue with the story.
00:16:20Because I think you're gonna find there's some way better chapters ahead of you.
00:16:24Because honestly, that last one, I don't think was that great.
00:16:27Whatever you do, don't go back because that is unhealthy and toxic and, in my opinion, pretty unlikable.
00:16:32So...
00:16:34Move on.
00:16:37You know, Derek, you're completely wrong.
00:16:42Because I already have.
00:16:43Okay, great.
00:16:53Oh, hello, Katie.
00:16:55Hello, Derek.
00:16:56Is Brian here?
00:16:57He is, but he doesn't want to speak to you right now.
00:16:59Hey, actually, I'm gonna talk with her for a minute.
00:17:00What are you doing? We just got done talking about chapters.
00:17:02No, I know. Don't worry. It's cool.
00:17:03No, it's not cool. It's not cool at all.
00:17:04Just be a minute. I really appreciate you looking out for me. Thank you so much.
00:17:06Brian!
00:17:13So...
00:17:14Hey.
00:17:16Hi.
00:17:18I think we both said some things this morning that we didn't mean.
00:17:22Sure.
00:17:24You know, I was heated. You were heated.
00:17:27We were heated.
00:17:29And I was just...
00:17:31Wondering.
00:17:32If...
00:17:33We could just both acknowledge that we were wrong and then...
00:17:36You know, move on.
00:17:38Are you apologizing?
00:17:40No.
00:17:41God, no.
00:17:42But I'm not asking you to, either.
00:17:46Okay. That's...
00:17:47That's fair.
00:17:49Okay, so I kind of told my sister that you were coming to the party.
00:17:53So you told your sister I was going to be at the dinner party.
00:17:58I did.
00:18:00I did, yeah.
00:18:01That's pretty weird that you would say that.
00:18:03I know.
00:18:05But...
00:18:06Either way, I was...
00:18:09Wondering if maybe...
00:18:11You know...
00:18:13I think what you're asking me to do is very unhealthy.
00:18:17For you and for me, we've gone through a profoundly traumatic experience.
00:18:21And for us to put on some grotesque performance for your sister, I think it's regressive.
00:18:26I think it's despicable.
00:18:27I think...
00:18:28Oh my God, are you done?
00:18:30Okay, look, I get I have no right asking you this.
00:18:33And I understand how pitiful I look right now, okay?
00:18:36But I'm saying...
00:18:38This would really mean a lot to me if you did this.
00:18:43Plus, this could kind of be like...
00:18:45Like our last hurrah, right?
00:18:47This is what...
00:18:49Every couple wishes for when they break up.
00:18:51Closure.
00:18:53You know, it's kind of poetic.
00:18:57Plus, I'll pay you.
00:18:59A thousand dollars.
00:19:00I'm a small business owner, and you're doing me a service.
00:19:06This isn't because of the money.
00:19:07Because frankly, you know, that's a little bit insulting, but...
00:19:11Yes, I will do it.
00:19:16No, no, stop, no.
00:19:19Goddammit, Brian, what the hell is wrong with you?
00:19:20It's like you've literally forgot every single thing we talked about in the last hour.
00:19:23You realize how bad this is going to screw you up, right?
00:19:25And this, this is twisted, even for you.
00:19:28You really should be ashamed of yourself, you witch.
00:19:29Derek Gary is cool, it's going to be fine.
00:19:31Trust me, this is what I need right now, and I'm so glad that you helped me through this, and I respect you so much, and I love you.
00:19:36Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to get new clothes for this thing tonight.
00:19:51My first impulse is to argue with you, but I agree.
00:19:55So you haven't talked to your sister in three years?
00:19:57I mean, not in person, but we've talked to him a couple times.
00:20:00Oh, well, that's better than a normal conversation.
00:20:03So your sister's a really successful lawyer?
00:20:07I mean, yeah. She made a partner at 29, but like, who cares?
00:20:11There were so many lawyers, especially in D.C.
00:20:13I mean, that's what makes it impressive, right? The fact that there's so many lawyers?
00:20:17So your parents are probably pretty stoked that your sister's an important lawyer?
00:20:22Yeah, they are, okay?
00:20:30Okay, her Instagram is insane.
00:20:32She travels all the time.
00:20:33Wait, she's a workaholic attorney that travels? How is that possible?
00:20:36She's just one of these people who travels to find herself.
00:20:40Oh, God.
00:20:41You know, I've been a few places in my life, and I've never learned anything about myself.
00:20:44It's a show. Everything with those kinds of people is a show.
00:20:47All this people is a show.
00:20:49And it's��as, dance, dance, dance when much the cameraывают the fire.
00:20:54Fire, fire, fire, fire.
00:20:57So, since we're lying without being together, I thought that we could also fly by your job.
00:21:20You can see why I'd find that offensive, right?
00:21:23It's like, we're already lying, so might as well just go for it.
00:21:26Are you going to lie about your job?
00:21:28No.
00:21:30Look, I love that you're a graphic designer.
00:21:32It's creative, and it's interesting, and it's so cool, but it's just not really intimidating.
00:21:39You think graphic designer is like an inherently weak profession?
00:21:42No, what I'm saying is that someone who's like a CEO or like a politician has this menacing horror about them.
00:21:49And it has nothing to do with how they act or their personality, it's just their job title.
00:21:53Do you always wish I had a job that terrified your friends?
00:21:56No, I love that you love being a graphic designer, okay?
00:22:02You're just not the most queer-oriented person.
00:22:04You know, at the risk of sounding pretentious, I feel like by not solely concentrating on my job, I've kind of built a robust internal life.
00:22:11You know, I watch movies, I read books, I reflect on things.
00:22:14You reflect on things?
00:22:16I reflect on all sorts of things.
00:22:17I reflect on culture, the state of society, who I am.
00:22:21What books do you read?
00:22:22You don't read books.
00:22:23I-I do read books, I do.
00:22:31Did you have a specific job in mind?
00:22:33I was thinking...
00:22:35like an entrepreneur.
00:22:36Absolutely not.
00:22:37Every person I know who calls himself an entrepreneur is just a humongous piece of shit.
00:22:41Fine, Brian, what imaginary job would you like to have?
00:22:45Well, I was thinking, like, maybe something like a scientist.
00:22:48Like, kind of like a climate change scientist.
00:22:51There's no way in hell anyone is ever going to believe that you're a scientist.
00:22:55Is this just shit on Brian Day or something?
00:22:57I mean, like, the fact that I'm passionate about climate change will add depth to my performance.
00:23:02Can you just be an investment banker?
00:23:05Fine.
00:23:05I can be an investment banker.
00:23:07Great.
00:23:14Yeah, so I don't know anything about investment banking.
00:23:18I know a guy.
00:23:18Yeah.
00:23:42Yeah.
00:23:42Wow, while this situation you're in, Katie, is quite strange, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't genuinely intrigued.
00:24:06I mean, to be a part of such an elaborate ruse is riveting.
00:24:12It's tantalizing, there's a seductive quality to it, and I've actually always believed that there exists a sincere yearning within each of us to cast aside the banality of the me and to allow transcendence through a type of performance, yes, all the world's stage, etc.
00:24:33But Katie, through this contrivance you've concocted, you really get to do it.
00:24:38I hope you excuse my greenish complexion, for I am seething with envy.
00:24:43Also, the way you describe your sister sounds like a huge bitch.
00:24:48She's a lot.
00:24:51So you're cool teaching me about finance stuff?
00:24:57Of course, Brian.
00:25:00Although I do admit, I'm a little surprised, Brian, that you're actually up for all this.
00:25:04I mean, it must be kind of difficult after just getting dumped this morning, right?
00:25:08I think it's more of a mutual breakup thing, but yeah, I think this is kind of a great way to find closure in our relationship.
00:25:14That's what I said.
00:25:15I agreed.
00:25:15Katie, as a deeply respected professional colleague of yours, I have to say, I would help you with anything.
00:25:22But, Brian, uh, Brian may not be able to glean the appropriate amount of financial know-how in time in order to pull off this glorious charade.
00:25:33I don't know, I think I'm a pretty quick learner.
00:25:35I just need the basics, maybe like some buzzwords you guys use.
00:25:38He just needs to know what to say if someone asks him what he does for a living.
00:25:41Brian is really good at making things up.
00:25:43The hell's that supposed to mean?
00:25:44Oh, I will be right back.
00:25:49Arnold, thank you so much for doing that.
00:25:50Okay.
00:25:51So, where do we start?
00:26:04Hey, what's up?
00:26:17Hey, I didn't mean to pressure you into coming out tonight.
00:26:20I really didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.
00:26:22I know, it's all good.
00:26:25You didn't put me on the spot.
00:26:26Just to sort of get a gauge of where you're at so far, are you familiar with how small
00:26:32businesses attract financing through venture capital firms in exchange for equity?
00:26:36Only in the broadest sense.
00:26:38How about how early-stage companies did market entry through the use of external funding and maybe...
00:26:43Oh, bootstrapping.
00:26:45What do you know about bootstrapping?
00:26:47I don't know much about that.
00:26:49What about how pre-seed founders core startup accelerators to the use of idealization models?
00:26:53What can you tell me?
00:26:54Anything from you?
00:26:57I'm so excited for tonight.
00:26:59It will be great.
00:26:59I finally get up to speed with each other.
00:27:01Yeah.
00:27:01Yeah, it's been way too long.
00:27:04Way too long.
00:27:05Way too long.
00:27:09I guess an easy way to pretend like you know what you're talking about is to go ahead and
00:27:14say that you're going through a Series J funding round with a small startup that's showing promise.
00:27:19Series J?
00:27:19Sure.
00:27:20As long as you can remember some of the big words and throwing a letter here and there,
00:27:23Brian, you'll pass as a big old businessman who knows all about this complicated funny stuff.
00:27:27Okay?
00:27:28I'm sensing a certain level of condescension being directed at me right now.
00:27:32You're sensing it?
00:27:32Yeah, I'm also sensing a certain level of prickishness just sort of like emanating from this direction.
00:27:38The direction I'm in?
00:27:39Yeah, I mean, it's almost like you're a prick.
00:27:43Great.
00:27:44I'll grab a bottle of rosé.
00:27:46I feel like a little rock now, did you know that?
00:27:49I gotta go.
00:27:50Bye.
00:27:51Well, you can imagine how torn up I am about your assessment of my attitude, Brian.
00:27:54Well, maybe you should be.
00:27:55That way you might learn how to not be completely off-putting.
00:27:57Guys!
00:27:58Guys, how did this escalate so quickly?
00:28:00Katie, Katie, I'm sorry to say it, but I think Brian is a lost cause.
00:28:02As I was graciously trying to impart some of my professional wisdom to him, he began lashing
00:28:05out at me due to what I assume is his lack of comprehensive abilities.
00:28:08It's not his fault.
00:28:09And he became increasingly defensive and extremely hostile to me.
00:28:11I don't feel safe.
00:28:11I don't feel safe right now.
00:28:12Please.
00:28:12The only reason I was defensive was because you were offensive.
00:28:15The guy's been treating me like a patronizing kindergarten teacher from the moment he saw
00:28:18me.
00:28:18Okay, Katie, look.
00:28:19I hate to say this.
00:28:19I hate to say it.
00:28:20Fuck!
00:28:21But there is a capacity to how much a person can learn, and it ends.
00:28:23And I think Brian has reached his limit.
00:28:25Okay, guys.
00:28:25I cannot handle this right now, okay?
00:28:27Thank you so much, Arnold.
00:28:28Brian, get in the car.
00:28:29Great.
00:28:30Now, you're patronizing me, too.
00:28:31Okay.
00:28:31Uh, uh, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie.
00:28:34Um, uh, I'm so sorry.
00:28:35I'm sorry about that.
00:28:36You know, I didn't mean for that to happen.
00:28:37Out of care.
00:28:38I'm sorry.
00:28:39It's fine.
00:28:40It's totally fine.
00:28:41Okay, okay.
00:28:41Okay, thank you for everything.
00:28:43It was great seeing you.
00:28:44It was great seeing you.
00:28:45Um, if you ever need help in the future, truly, with anything, any kind of work, you know,
00:28:51yard work, whatever, I'm always here to help.
00:28:54Uh, you.
00:28:55Okay.
00:28:56Okay.
00:28:57Okay.
00:28:57I gotta go.
00:28:59You're the best.
00:29:00Okay.
00:29:00I gotta, I gotta.
00:29:01Okay.
00:29:01Yeah.
00:29:06Oh, God.
00:29:09Yeah.
00:29:11Ryan, were you going to attempt to learn anything, or were you just gonna immediately be unpleasant?
00:29:21Honestly, I went into a situation as a complete sponge, and Arnold might have ruined my interest
00:29:25in finance.
00:29:26How do you even work with a guy like that?
00:29:27He has introduced me to dozens of clients.
00:29:31Oh, well, what a gracious man.
00:29:32Oh, what?
00:29:33Do you think that he was attacking you for no reason?
00:29:35Oh, no.
00:29:36He had a reason.
00:29:37Okay, so what was the reason?
00:29:39Please, are you really gonna play this game?
00:29:41I am not playing a game, Ryan.
00:29:43You are actively playing a game.
00:29:45All right, so what, you think that he attacked you to impress me?
00:29:49Bingo.
00:29:50Wow.
00:29:50Okay.
00:29:51No.
00:29:52We are strictly professional colleagues.
00:29:55You are literally smiling while saying that.
00:29:59Literally smiling because this is insane.
00:30:02No, you're smiling because you're happy that you can rebound literally hours after we've broken
00:30:06up.
00:30:06Okay.
00:30:08I think there is a much bigger issue at play here.
00:30:10Of course there's a bigger issue at play.
00:30:12There's always a bigger issue at play.
00:30:13You know, it is like a general rule that whoever is driving is in control of the music.
00:30:27So I'm just gonna put it back on.
00:30:29I can't get along without you.
00:30:35I'll never say goodbye.
00:30:37I can't get along without you.
00:30:41Girl.
00:30:41Ryan, you were acting hysterical.
00:30:47You know, you think I'd be used to your, like, empathetic deficiencies by now, but today
00:30:51you really raised the bar.
00:30:52What did I do?
00:30:53The relationship I've been in for two years literally ended this morning, and now like
00:30:59four hours later I'm watching my ex flirt with some dude literally right in front of me.
00:31:03I was literally not flirting.
00:31:05Okay, you were literally making this up.
00:31:07Part of me thinks you set this whole thing up just to fuck with my feelings one last time,
00:31:12like some orca that tortures its prey before eating it alive.
00:31:15I think that your feelings aren't even that hurt right now.
00:31:18Yeah.
00:31:18I think that you're using this as an opportunity to be like, hmm, let me just, like, gaslight
00:31:23Katie, make her feel like a sociopath so that I can take the moral high ground and make
00:31:26her feel bad about herself.
00:31:28Well, you know what?
00:31:28I am not the orca, Brian.
00:31:30You are the fucking orca!
00:31:39Great.
00:31:40Yeah, go ahead.
00:31:42Go ahead and hang out with all the other marine life.
00:31:44Alexa, play Trinidad James, all gold, everything.
00:32:11Alexa.
00:32:12Alexa.
00:32:13Alexa.
00:32:14Hey.
00:32:15Hey.
00:32:16I'm having a really hard time right now.
00:32:18Do you think I'm a sociopath?
00:32:19No.
00:32:20You're not charismatic enough.
00:32:21I just think I really misread how Brian is handling all this.
00:32:25Like, completely.
00:32:26And I know that this might not be good for him, but I need him.
00:32:27And I just, like, feel like shit.
00:32:28Wait, who's Brian again?
00:32:29Is that a serious question?
00:32:30Oh, yeah.
00:32:31Never mind.
00:32:32Um, yeah, no, he sucks.
00:32:33Uh, you are too bad.
00:32:34I'm having a really hard time right now.
00:32:35I'm having a really hard time right now.
00:32:36I'm having a really hard time right now.
00:32:37Do you think I'm a sociopath?
00:32:38No.
00:32:39You're not charismatic enough.
00:32:40I just think I really misread how Brian is handling all this.
00:32:41Like, completely.
00:32:42And I know that this might not be good for him, but I need him.
00:32:43And I just, like, feel like shit.
00:32:44Wait, who's Brian again?
00:32:45Is that a serious question?
00:32:47Oh, yeah, never mind.
00:32:52Um, yeah, no, he sucks.
00:32:55Uh, you are too good for him.
00:32:56And you just need to remember, we're queens, girl.
00:32:59And queens is our kings, so just remember that.
00:33:17I don't want to apologize, but...
00:33:38I regret putting you through this.
00:33:41If you don't want to do this, it's fine.
00:33:44You know, it's probably, like, the better person thing to do.
00:33:50I shouldn't say that you lack empathy or refer to you as a robot.
00:33:54Uh, that's an easy dig on my part.
00:33:58I'd like to go through with this thing tonight, because, I mean...
00:34:01You know, why not?
00:34:03Right?
00:34:07Just to be clear, you're not into Arnold, right?
00:34:10Oh, my God, no.
00:34:12No.
00:34:13No, I mean, he's nice, but he looks too much like an owl.
00:34:16You know, what's nuts is I kind of thought he looked like a hawk.
00:34:19He always looks like he's hunting.
00:34:20You know?
00:34:21Yeah, it's something about his head movement or something.
00:34:23It's just, like...
00:34:25Yeah.
00:34:26Who's Hannah?
00:34:42A friend.
00:34:45Why haven't I heard of her?
00:34:46I don't know.
00:34:47Hello?
00:34:48I don't think you should...
00:34:49Can I talk to her?
00:34:50No, this is Katie.
00:34:51Brian's girlfriend.
00:34:52Well, ex-girlfriend.
00:34:53Who is this?
00:34:54Hey.
00:34:55Oh, Hannah.
00:34:56Hannah, you're Brian's friend.
00:34:57And I've never heard of you.
00:34:58I'm taking the phone.
00:34:59Yeah, no, this is weird.
00:35:00This is really weird.
00:35:01Oh, yeah.
00:35:02You've heard about me?
00:35:03You're gonna spray me with pepper spray?
00:35:04Is that what you're gonna do?
00:35:05Cool, cool, cool.
00:35:06Okay.
00:35:07Maybe you should go and stop being such a colossal whore.
00:35:08I'm taking the phone.
00:35:09Stop!
00:35:10Oh, shit!
00:35:11Hold on.
00:35:12Oh my god!
00:35:13Shit!
00:35:14How did you meet her?
00:35:15I met her about a year ago at a bookstore.
00:35:18Okay, what is it with you and books?
00:35:20I've never even seen you read a book.
00:35:21I read books.
00:35:22I've never seen you read books.
00:35:24I read books.
00:35:25I read books.
00:35:26No, this is, this is weird.
00:35:28This is weird.
00:35:29Oh, yeah.
00:35:30You've heard about me.
00:35:31You're gonna spray me with pepper spray?
00:35:32Cool, cool, cool.
00:35:33Okay.
00:35:34Maybe you should go and stop being such a colossal whore.
00:35:36Take the phone.
00:35:37Stop!
00:35:38Oh, shit.
00:35:39Okay, I do read books.
00:35:41Okay, so that's just one more thing that you're hiding from me.
00:35:43Look, it's totally messed up that I hid this from you.
00:35:45That was very unfair.
00:35:46But I will say, it was a completely platonic relationship.
00:35:49There's absolutely no sex whatsoever.
00:35:51I don't believe you.
00:35:52And even if I did, then it's still cheating.
00:35:54I legitimately believe that talking with Hannah helped our relationship.
00:35:58What?
00:35:59When we hung out, it was almost like mutual therapy.
00:36:02We'd just dump our emotional baggage and leave.
00:36:04You know, by doing that, you got spared having to listen to a lot of my problems
00:36:08because let's be honest, you kind of shut down whenever we talk about personal stuff.
00:36:12Do you want me to pepper spray you again?
00:36:14I think you should meet her.
00:36:16What?
00:36:17I think if you met her, you'd understand how innocent our relationship was.
00:36:21Okay.
00:36:23Okay, what?
00:36:24Okay, let's meet her.
00:36:28Okay?
00:36:29Okay.
00:36:30Okay.
00:36:31Okay.
00:36:38Okay.
00:36:39Okay.
00:36:40Okay.
00:36:41This note is, the song is, okay.
00:36:44Okay.
00:36:57Okay.
00:36:58So, thank you for letting us
00:37:27be here and talk with you. I know this is weird, but thank you. And thank you, you know, for being
00:37:37willing to come here and hear what this is all about.
00:37:55Who are you?
00:37:56I'm Chris.
00:37:57Okay. So, um, I'll be honest, I don't really know what to say right now.
00:38:08Okay, so you guys have been seeing each other for a year?
00:38:12Yes.
00:38:13Did you know that he was dating me?
00:38:15Yes, I did.
00:38:17And did you feel guilty that he was in a relationship?
00:38:20No, because I'm not responsible for what Brian does. Do I think it was morally wrong he didn't
00:38:28tell you about me? Maybe. Probably. But it's not my place to judge.
00:38:33Did you sleep with him?
00:38:34No.
00:38:35How do I know you're not lying?
00:38:39You don't. I will say this, and you can choose to believe me or not, but I am sincerely not
00:38:46attracted to Brian sexually or physically in any way. It's hard to explain, but to me there
00:38:53is actually nothing romantic about Brian at all. I almost see him as the antithesis of romance.
00:39:00Okay, let's pause here for a second. I'm the antithesis of romance? It's not like I'm some sort of swamp creature
00:39:09or something. I think I'm an okay guy here.
00:39:12I'm not saying I see you as a swamp creature. To me, you're more like a child or a dog.
00:39:18You could see how I could find that insulting, right?
00:39:23You're completely allowed to be offended by how I think of you.
00:39:26Well, I don't think you actually think of me like that.
00:39:28You're allowed to think that.
00:39:29Please stop allowing me to do things.
00:39:31Brian, when you would come over and talk about your problems and cry about various existential crises you were having,
00:39:38in those moments I viewed myself as a sort of counselor or mother. That's completely healthy.
00:39:44I don't think this is an accurate depiction of our relationship.
00:39:47Okay, um, hold on. Why did you want to hang out with a man who acts like a baby?
00:39:54It's hard to explain, but I love watching men experience profound emasculation.
00:40:02Wow.
00:40:04Okay, let's just be clear. I'm not a child. I'm not a dog. And I am not a baby.
00:40:09I'm not saying you are. I'm saying that's how I see you.
00:40:11This was a mutual thing. We both shared our problems with each other.
00:40:14No, you told me about your problems. I didn't tell you mine.
00:40:17Yes, you did.
00:40:18No, Brian. I didn't.
00:40:20Why do you like to watch men act pathetic?
00:40:23To say my father was a masculine figure would probably be an understatement.
00:40:31He hunted. He drank. He gambled. He fought.
00:40:35One day, he blacked out and crashed his Mustang into our house.
00:40:39But it was in that moment I saw him do something I didn't think he was capable of.
00:40:45He cried. It's probably the most honest thing I ever saw my dad do.
00:40:52Boxing, cigars, big muscles, big trucks, big dicks.
00:40:57These things don't really do much for me.
00:41:00Even if a guy is genuinely into that stuff, due to my adolescent imprinting, it seems performative in some way.
00:41:06I know it probably seems strange, even regressive, but the idea of me comforting a gigantic adult-sized baby is exciting.
00:41:16It's intoxicating.
00:41:17I know a baby can't be adult-sized, but through the magic of roleplay, we get pretty close.
00:41:27One thing I will say is this.
00:41:29There's nothing like coming home to a 30-year-old man dressed entirely in Oshkosh Bogosh.
00:41:34Hannah, stop.
00:41:36What?
00:41:37I can't do this anymore.
00:41:39Do what?
00:41:40I'm not a baby.
00:41:42I never said you were.
00:41:43Oh, okay. So you just treat me like one?
00:41:45Sure. Within the healthy boundaries that we both agreed upon.
00:41:48Hannah, there's nothing healthy about this.
00:41:50I don't understand.
00:41:51I'm a man, okay? I'm not a baby. I'm a man.
00:41:54Chris, calm down. You're having a tantrum.
00:41:56You don't realize how much this affects me.
00:41:58I'll be at work filling out spreadsheets wondering if I should drink my coffee through a bottle. I've had it.
00:42:02I thought you liked baby time.
00:42:04I did baby time because you wanted to do baby time.
00:42:06Do you think I like watching Peppa Pig and being called Big Boy and waddling around in diapers?
00:42:09It's roleplay.
00:42:10It's moved far beyond roleplay, Hannah.
00:42:12Also, I don't appreciate you working through your mother fantasies with other dudes.
00:42:15We agreed to an open relationship.
00:42:17Yeah, I thought you were going to bang other guys, not talk to losers about their feelings in our living room.
00:42:21Well, you definitely weren't complaining when you slept with my friend Maggie.
00:42:24Oh, yep. There it is. Can't let that one go. Now who's the baby?
00:42:29I'm having a hard time.
00:42:58Yeah, well, I don't blame you. I mean, that was something back there.
00:43:03I think I'm having a breakdown.
00:43:07Okay, fine. You're fine.
00:43:09Look, I'm not even mad at you anymore, okay? That wasn't cheating.
00:43:12I don't know what that was, but that definitely, that was not cheating.
00:43:16I just, just, all of that back there is sort of making me question a lot about myself.
00:43:22Well, maybe this is good for your growth. Hmm?
00:43:25I need to talk to somebody.
00:43:27Just relax, okay? At least you're not that Chris guy.
00:43:30Katie, I need some sort of professional help because I'm freaking out.
00:43:33Okay, look, the dinner is in like three hours. Can you just like freak out at another time?
00:43:37Katie, I need to talk to somebody or I'm going to fucking lose it.
00:43:39Oh my God. What, what, well, what are we supposed to do?
00:43:43I don't know. I don't know.
00:43:45Brian, breathe. Oh my God. God damn it, Brian.
00:43:48What about that guy we both did work for a couple months ago?
00:43:51He has some sort of therapy business, right?
00:43:53Daryl is not an actual therapist.
00:43:54I don't care. I'm going to call and make an appointment.
00:43:57Oh, God damn it. God damn it.
00:44:00I'm not an actual therapist.
00:44:21When we talked a few months ago, you mentioned you did some sort of therapy outside your accounting business.
00:44:28You must have misunderstood.
00:44:31I trained therapy dogs for people suffering from mental trauma, PTSD, addiction, that sort of thing.
00:44:38Are they the dogs that walk around with blind people?
00:44:40No. Those are service dogs. Very different.
00:44:45Okay. Well, thanks, Daryl.
00:44:49I gotta get this.
00:44:52Hey, Arnold.
00:44:58Brian, looks like you've been through the wringer.
00:45:08Yeah, I guess I have.
00:45:13What do you say we go out back and I introduce you to one of the dogs?
00:45:19I think I'd like that.
00:45:24Good.
00:45:27Good.
00:45:29Hey, Katie.
00:45:32How are you?
00:45:34I'm good.
00:45:35What's up?
00:45:36Well, I just wanted to call and apologize for what happened earlier.
00:45:40That was completely out of character and I should have been a lot more patient with you and Brian.
00:45:47Well, Brian requires a lot of patience.
00:45:50Right.
00:45:51Well, I certainly didn't mean for it to get very heated, which it did.
00:45:55Brian seems like a nice guy.
00:45:57A good guy.
00:45:58Maybe he's a little misguided.
00:46:00Maybe a little bit inarticulate.
00:46:02But good.
00:46:03Ultimately, to my mind, he seems very pleasant to me.
00:46:06Very pleasant.
00:46:07Well, I appreciate that.
00:46:09Right.
00:46:11So, Katie, how are you doing?
00:46:15I'm good.
00:46:16I can imagine this whole situation you're in must be utterly exhausting.
00:46:21When I got back from the Gulf, nothing made any sense.
00:46:34I think the biggest problem was in Kuwait.
00:46:37I knew exactly what I had to do.
00:46:40Every day, laid out.
00:46:43But when I got home, it was like I couldn't figure out, I mean, who I was.
00:46:50Who I needed to be.
00:46:52You felt lost.
00:46:54Yeah.
00:46:55But the next few years was all dope, booze, jail, cancer.
00:47:01I had a kid in there somewhere.
00:47:04Caused a whole lot of grief.
00:47:07When I reached the bottom, the only thing I had left was pain.
00:47:13Pain you can't run from or ignore.
00:47:18Pain that surrounds you, becomes part of you.
00:47:25Took a little while.
00:47:27But I finally figured out that all that pain I was feeling was not a burden.
00:47:33It was a gift.
00:47:35Because whether you like it or not, pain changes you.
00:47:42Hey, take it for what it's worth from an old stupid man like me, but do not run from pain.
00:47:52Let it hit you harder than a train.
00:47:56Because if you fight change, you're dumber than me.
00:48:01I think I know what you mean.
00:48:05The only thing is, I think there's a lot more change ahead.
00:48:12Oh yeah?
00:48:14Oh yeah.
00:48:15Big change.
00:48:16What kind of change?
00:48:18I think a war is coming.
00:48:21A war?
00:48:22When I was in the service, the enemy was Saddam.
00:48:25Later Al-Qaeda.
00:48:27But now, I think we're up against an enemy that I don't think we're ready for.
00:48:33What kind of enemy?
00:48:34Brian, what do you know about the globalists?
00:48:48Imagine this whole situation is awful.
00:48:52The stress you're under.
00:48:54Oh my God.
00:48:55Yeah, I just hope that everything plays out well tonight.
00:48:58I'm sure everything will be fine, Katie.
00:49:00That's actually what you're good at, Katie.
00:49:02You know what you want, and you power through and make it happen.
00:49:07But you remain considerate, which is deeply refreshing to a guy like me.
00:49:11Well, thank you.
00:49:12Hey, Katie.
00:49:13I was wondering, and this might be totally wacky,
00:49:17but do you think maybe sometime next week we could perhaps, if you wanted,
00:49:22get a... grab a... get a... grab a coffee?
00:49:26What do you think?
00:49:29A coffee?
00:49:32I mean, think about it.
00:49:34They completely control media, tech, the banks, diamonds.
00:49:37All while engaging in pedophilia on a mass scale.
00:49:41I am counting the days until we all say,
00:49:43enough!
00:49:44We're coming after you.
00:49:46And we are not gonna stop until we get you.
00:49:49That's the day that I'm waiting for.
00:49:51I am just in such a weird place right now.
00:49:55I don't know where my head's at.
00:49:56I just...
00:49:57I feel like I just need some time to get my bearings.
00:50:00Uh...
00:50:02Yeah, I totally understand.
00:50:04Katie.
00:50:05Yeah.
00:50:06You know, if I went through what you're going through, I'd be doing the same thing.
00:50:10Thanks, Arnold.
00:50:11You're just such a cool person.
00:50:13I mean, it's always been a goal of mine to be as cool as possible, so...
00:50:19I gotta go.
00:50:20But, um, you know, stay in touch, bud.
00:50:22Oh, okay.
00:50:23Okay, bye.
00:50:24You notice the greatest sight of Voguewood's ever pulled off,
00:50:26it's predicting the world where they don't exist...
00:50:54And you better believe the ATF has no idea what I have in the basement.
00:51:03All I know is when the signal's given, I will be the first one in the trenches
00:51:07to take back our country.
00:51:11Are you done with the dog? We really gotta go.
00:51:14Hey, uh, I think we need to talk.
00:51:19Oh, goddammit.
00:51:19So, in talking with Daryl, I've heard some pretty wild things,
00:51:23but I've also sort of realized that I can't do this.
00:51:31This thing we're doing is killing me because I still have feelings for you.
00:51:35Because, well, you know, we literally broke up a few hours ago.
00:51:40But now you're taking advantage of my feelings in order to do this whole thing with your sister,
00:51:44and honestly, that's fine.
00:51:46You know, we've been in this emotional chess match for a while now, so, you know, good move.
00:51:53I just, I can't do it.
00:51:57And this isn't me trying to get one over on you.
00:52:01This is me saying I'm spent.
00:52:12Okay.
00:52:12Okay.
00:52:12Are you going to say anything?
00:52:18I have nothing to say anymore, Brian.
00:52:22This heart, it seems.
00:52:46Sweet words to you.
00:52:53Sweet words to you.
00:52:53We'll sit and smile
00:53:06As the world who passes us by
00:53:17And I'll carry you so safely
00:53:24If only
00:53:27If only you'll take me
00:53:31Hey, Katie.
00:53:36I think you did the right thing leaving him.
00:53:39I know it's tough.
00:53:40But you'll get through it.
00:53:41That's strong, right?
00:53:42But you also look a fucking wreck.
00:53:44I mean, God damn.
00:53:47I mean, look at you.
00:53:48Fuck.
00:53:51Oh, my goodness.
00:53:52Oh, my goodness.
00:53:53Oh, my goodness.
00:53:55This heart has weeped
00:53:59And it will fly to you
00:54:06This heart, it sees
00:54:15Hey.
00:54:16Hey.
00:54:16Hey.
00:54:17This heart has weeped
00:54:21To you
00:54:27Peace, heart, haste, we
00:54:37Hello
00:54:39Hey, Arnold
00:54:41It's like, should I feel guilty, elated, angry, or is it like a multi-emotional blend?
00:54:55Also, I'm still pissed she never remembers I'm allergic to wine
00:54:58I feel like my emotional state can only be described as like raw
00:55:02I'm at peak raw
00:55:03Which is either a very good thing or a very bad thing
00:55:06Yeah, and just a heads up
00:55:09I'm going to need a lot of emotional support
00:55:11Probably over the next several months
00:55:13You know what I mean?
00:55:14I mean, it's like she doesn't even care about climate change
00:55:17Even though it's the issue of our generation
00:55:20So what do you think?
00:55:31Yeah, I think that
00:55:34I
00:55:37Cannot listen to
00:55:40Any more of this shit
00:55:42I have been forced to tolerate the raw sewage that flows out of your mouth for way too long
00:55:55Every time you talk, like, it's shit in my ears
00:56:01And I nod
00:56:04And I go, mm-hmm
00:56:05Yeah, that sucks, dude
00:56:08Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that
00:56:09That must be tough
00:56:10I mean, I get it
00:56:13Like, we all need to vent
00:56:15And we all have problems
00:56:16But I am not a sewer
00:56:18However, you can't keep gathering up all of your shit
00:56:23And saying, hmm, where do I put this?
00:56:27And then you call me up
00:56:29And you come over to my house
00:56:31My home
00:56:32And you dump it
00:56:35All over me
00:56:37You want my advice?
00:56:41Of course you don't
00:56:41What am I saying?
00:56:42You don't want my advice
00:56:42Well, I'm going to say it anyway
00:56:43Fuck it
00:56:44You need help, okay?
00:56:45You don't need a girlfriend
00:56:46You need to take a good hard look at you
00:56:50And say, well, how do I fix this thing that is me?
00:56:56Because, Brian
00:56:58You are very, very, very
00:57:03Fucked up
00:57:05In your head
00:57:08You know what, Derek?
00:57:14You're completely wrong
00:57:15Oh my God, I'm going to fucking murder you
00:57:16I don't need to work on myself
00:57:18I mean, I do
00:57:19But, you know, I've been working on myself a lot
00:57:21I think maybe too much
00:57:23I need to do something for someone else for once
00:57:27I need to fix other people
00:57:29And look, I don't care if Katie hates me
00:57:32Or doesn't even care about me
00:57:34I care about Katie
00:57:36And so I am going to go to that dinner party
00:57:39And I'm going to lie to a bunch of strangers for her
00:57:42Now, can you give me a ride?
00:57:49Oh, you asked me to drive you to the dinner party
00:57:51I am
00:57:53No
00:57:55Okay
00:58:00I will, uh
00:58:03I'll call a lift
00:58:05And my battery's dead
00:58:07I, uh, I assume you're not going to let me use your bike
00:58:14Shit
00:58:20Um
00:58:27Hi, Katie
00:58:41Hey
00:58:41How are you?
00:58:42Thank you
00:58:42For coming
00:58:44Of course
00:58:47Uh, shall we
00:58:48Or shall we
00:58:49You brought me flowers
00:58:50Well
00:58:51Yeah
00:58:52I'm a flowers guy
00:58:53Here
00:58:54Awesome
00:58:55Thank you
00:58:56Wow
00:58:57Well, we should
00:58:59Probably get going
00:59:00Yeah
00:59:01Yeah
00:59:01Let's do it, Katie
00:59:03Yeah
00:59:03Yeah
00:59:04Okay
00:59:12Well
00:59:12I am extremely excited
00:59:14Uh
00:59:15It's going to be
00:59:15I think a lovely evening
00:59:16Okay
00:59:32If I put some music on
00:59:33Sure
00:59:35Yeah
00:59:36Great
00:59:38I don't listen to that rap crap
00:59:45So do you give me
01:00:00Like fun vacations plans
01:00:02Uh, no
01:00:04Try not to leave town too often
01:00:06It actually, uh
01:00:07Kind of throws me off
01:00:09I find keeping my movements to a minimum
01:00:12Keeps me sharp
01:00:13I often find the New Yorker
01:00:26To be an admirable
01:00:27Um
01:00:28Source of
01:00:30Criticism
01:00:32If you will
01:00:33I often will write my own criticisms
01:00:35Of the books that I read
01:00:36And compare them
01:00:37To the critics of our time
01:00:39Well
01:00:55Well
01:00:56Showtime!
01:00:59Ha ha ha ha
01:01:00Gotcha
01:01:01Yeah
01:01:02I'm just kidding
01:01:04It's great
01:01:06Okay
01:01:07Okay
01:01:07After you
01:01:08Please
01:01:09Oh
01:01:09Oh
01:01:10Oh
01:01:11Oh
01:01:12Oh
01:01:13Oh
01:01:14Oh
01:01:15Ryan?
01:01:21Hey
01:01:23What are you doing here?
01:01:29Hold on a second
01:01:31Look
01:01:32I make it a point in my life
01:01:33To never overstep my boundaries
01:01:35Yeah
01:01:36But I think it's incredibly inappropriate for you to be here Brian
01:01:39You should just go home
01:01:40Shame on you
01:01:41Arnold's right
01:01:42Also you look awful
01:01:44You're right
01:01:46I look awful
01:01:47I feel awful
01:01:50I am probably awful
01:01:51You know
01:01:57You getting Arnold to do this
01:01:58That might be awful
01:01:59Arnold I don't know you that well
01:02:00But I
01:02:01You know
01:02:02I can tell you're awful in your own way
01:02:04Yeah
01:02:05Well we're all awful
01:02:06And
01:02:07And that is okay
01:02:08Look
01:02:09I
01:02:10I've been called a pathetic loser by multiple people today
01:02:12But
01:02:13But I think I should at least be a pathetic loser
01:02:15Who finishes something
01:02:17I owe it to you
01:02:19To do this
01:02:20Also
01:02:21I'm pretty angry
01:02:22With myself right now
01:02:23And that's sort of motivating me
01:02:25To like dunk on those assholes
01:02:27In that house
01:02:28And show them
01:02:29We're like way cooler
01:02:30And way more interesting
01:02:31And way more successful
01:02:33Even if none of that is true
01:02:35So
01:02:36So please
01:02:37Can
01:02:38Can
01:02:39Can we do this?
01:02:41I think I gotta do this with Brian
01:02:46What?
01:02:48Everything Brian said
01:02:51And
01:02:52We really have been through a lot
01:02:54I gotta do this with him
01:02:59Wow okay
01:03:04Um
01:03:05I mean you sort of strung me along through all this
01:03:07I
01:03:09I feel so terrible
01:03:10Honestly
01:03:11And you're so great
01:03:12Thank you
01:03:13For doing this
01:03:14Even though you didn't really
01:03:15You know do this
01:03:16Yeah it's fine
01:03:17Okay
01:03:18Do you still wanna get coffee with me next week?
01:03:23Yeah
01:03:24Sure
01:03:25I wish you well Katie
01:03:27You too
01:03:28Hi
01:03:29Hi
01:03:30Thanks
01:03:31I wish you well Katie
01:03:32You too
01:03:33Hi
01:03:34Hi
01:03:35Thanks
01:03:36Oh, hey, uh, Katie.
01:04:06And, and, and...
01:04:07Brian.
01:04:08Brian.
01:04:09Yeah.
01:04:10Oh, my God.
01:04:11It is so good to see you.
01:04:13It's finally great to meet you.
01:04:14Great to meet you, too.
01:04:15All right, come on in.
01:04:29Well, the Sword of Damocles is obviously the looming regulatory climate.
01:04:33We saw it in China, we're seeing it in Europe.
01:04:35And who knows what those geniuses at the Fed are up to.
01:04:38Now, am I one of the, uh, the true believers that think we're headed toward a, a decentralized,
01:04:44utopian wonderland?
01:04:45No.
01:04:46But do I think that in 10 years, we might see 20% of the population utilizing crypto in a
01:04:52meaningful way?
01:04:54Maybe.
01:04:56What do you think, Brian?
01:05:06I think you should invest all your money in Barnes & Noble.
01:05:11I don't know.
01:05:12I got a good feeling about bookstores.
01:05:21Come on.
01:05:22I'll spoon my drink.
01:05:23Way to go, Brian.
01:05:24I didn't expect that from you, Brian.
01:05:25Me neither.
01:05:26Me neither, Brian.
01:05:27I love what you've done with your hair.
01:05:28Thanks.
01:05:29I just kinda let it go.
01:05:30It's great.
01:05:31So, we kept driving.
01:05:32Sure.
01:05:33Into Utah.
01:05:34Straight on into the mountains.
01:05:36Katie told me about your wine tasting trip in Sonoma.
01:05:38She did.
01:05:39Well, uh, yeah, we, uh, we did that and it was great.
01:05:42Well, we're doing a sort of pairing tonight and I cannot wait to get your thoughts on the
01:05:48Pinot Noir.
01:05:49I think it's, uh, uh, Castalia.
01:05:50Castalia.
01:05:51Fantastic.
01:05:52Mm-hmm.
01:05:53This could be a photo.
01:05:54Maybe I can start like.
01:05:55Oh, this is so good.
01:05:56Oh, this is so good.
01:05:57Yeah.
01:05:58Oh, this is so good.
01:05:59I can start with the wine tasting trip in Sonoma.
01:06:00She did.
01:06:01Well, uh, yeah, we, uh, we did that and it was great.
01:06:02Well, we're doing a sort of pairing tonight and I cannot wait to get your thoughts on the
01:06:03Pinot Noir.
01:06:04I think it's, uh, Cast...
01:06:05Castalia.
01:06:06Castalia.
01:06:07Fantastic.
01:06:08Mm-hmm.
01:06:09This could be a photo.
01:06:12Maybe I can start like...
01:06:14Oh, this is so good.
01:06:16I think there's something to be said about having too much stuff.
01:06:25At the same time, I am very tactile when it comes to products.
01:06:30Not to sound pretentious, but there is something profoundly spiritual and stirring about Montana.
01:06:37Oh, yeah.
01:06:38I think we will eventually see the equivalent of a, um, Woody Allen for TikTok.
01:06:45Maybe Woody Allen isn't the best example, but you get what I'm saying.
01:06:48You know, I love what I do and I think the industry's headed in some really interesting directions.
01:07:05I mean, some of these businesses we're invested in.
01:07:08Wow.
01:07:09You know?
01:07:10I mean, talk about innovation.
01:07:12Right now we're going through a Series J funding round for a startup, you know, and they build,
01:07:16uh, they build, like, robot hands, uh, for people that don't have hands.
01:07:21Wow.
01:07:22Yeah.
01:07:23Yeah.
01:07:24Did you say Series J?
01:07:26I did.
01:07:27Yeah.
01:07:28Because, uh, you know, we like to go high with the letters.
01:07:33Ryan, you have not tried the wine yet.
01:07:39I would love to know what you think of the flavor profile.
01:07:42Okay.
01:07:43Mmm.
01:07:44Mm-hmm.
01:07:45Yeah.
01:07:46I can taste the berries.
01:07:47Yeah.
01:07:48Yes!
01:07:49So, Katie, how's everything going with your consulting business?
01:08:04Oh, it's great.
01:08:05But I won't bore you guys with the details.
01:08:07Oh, don't be silly.
01:08:08It sounds like you're up to some really cool stuff.
01:08:11Well, for those of you who don't know, I have a consulting business that specializes
01:08:15in strategies for mostly tech startups.
01:08:18It's a lot of marketing, timing product launch, a lot of hand-holding.
01:08:22But our company has really, like, expanded, exploded, actually.
01:08:25We've been able to double our clientele, hire more employees, and just overall expand.
01:08:31For an industry that seems pretty dry, it's actually very exciting for us.
01:08:35I mean, I don't want to name drop, but some of my clientele are Bryan Cranston and Young
01:08:41Thug.
01:08:42I love Young Thug.
01:08:44Me too.
01:08:45Oh, he's so sweet and funny.
01:08:46But yeah, things have been so busy.
01:08:48I mean, I'm even considering hiring a strategy consultant for my strategy consulting business.
01:08:54Oh.
01:08:55Good boss lady here.
01:08:57It sounds so cliche, but I feel like I'm really changing the world.
01:09:02I mean, the companies that I'm involved with, they're in biotech and green energy and social
01:09:08justice, things that I'm really passionate about.
01:09:10Plus, there's just so much investment going into these businesses.
01:09:13Like, I can charge whatever I want.
01:09:15Which is a total perk.
01:09:16You know, getting paid really well to do what you love and make the world a better place.
01:09:21Like, it's just the perfect life.
01:09:22It's the perfect life that I've always dreamed of living.
01:09:25You know, I feel strong.
01:09:27Emotionally, spiritually, physically.
01:09:29I am in the best shape of my life.
01:09:30I have just boundless amounts of energy.
01:09:32It's amazing how much energy you have when you are just so filled with goodness, you know?
01:09:38And you're just so good.
01:09:39I'm so happy.
01:09:40I'm really just so happy.
01:09:42Wow.
01:09:43Oh, wow.
01:09:44That's great.
01:09:45That is so great.
01:09:46Yeah.
01:09:47Awesome.
01:09:48And we're buying a house.
01:09:49Oh.
01:09:50Uh, welcome to the joys of homeownership.
01:09:51Yeah.
01:09:52Yeah.
01:09:53Cheers.
01:09:54Cheers.
01:09:55Cheers.
01:09:56Cheers.
01:09:57Cheers.
01:09:58Cheers.
01:09:59Cheers.
01:10:00Cheers.
01:10:01Cheers.
01:10:02Cheers.
01:10:03Cheers.
01:10:04Cheers.
01:10:05Cheers.
01:10:06Cheers.
01:10:07So, how about you, Natalie?
01:10:09What have you been up to?
01:10:10Oh, uh, good.
01:10:13Good.
01:10:14I mean, things are great.
01:10:17What have you been up to?
01:10:20Oh, you know, this and that.
01:10:23This and that?
01:10:24Yeah.
01:10:25We are just finally living life on our own terms for the first time in a really long time.
01:10:33Cool.
01:10:34Feels really good.
01:10:35Yeah.
01:10:36Cool.
01:10:37So, how is the law firm?
01:10:39Well, um, I quit.
01:10:46You quit?
01:10:48I quit.
01:10:49Why?
01:10:50Well, I mean, it's a long, it's a long story, but there just came a point where I realized
01:10:59this is just not for me.
01:11:01You know, the long hours, the work weekends, the stress, the clients.
01:11:06I mean, I just, oh, I just hit a breaking point and I thought to myself, I'm not living
01:11:11life anymore.
01:11:12And so I quit.
01:11:14And I am so much happier.
01:11:16Congratulations.
01:11:18Well, it's huge.
01:11:19It's huge.
01:11:20Are you guys living in your condo?
01:11:23I mean, I know that you bought it because it was so close to work.
01:11:26Nope.
01:11:27Sold the condo.
01:11:29You sold the condo?
01:11:30Yep.
01:11:31Yeah.
01:11:32I just wanted to simplify my life.
01:11:35Yeah.
01:11:36And plus, leaving the job would make some of those payments a little tricky, but selling
01:11:41it at the time I did actually turned out pretty well.
01:11:45Great.
01:11:46So, where in DC are you living now?
01:11:51Um, actually, we're not living in DC anymore.
01:11:55What?
01:11:56Mm-hmm.
01:11:57Oh my god, what?
01:12:00That's great.
01:12:01Natalie, I feel like I don't even know you anymore.
01:12:05Well, sorry for this info dump, but yeah, we just got tired of the constant hustle and
01:12:12the craziness and the politics.
01:12:15It's too much.
01:12:16Yeah, and we just said, uh, screw it.
01:12:18Mm-hmm.
01:12:19Let's leave.
01:12:20So, where are you living now?
01:12:23Well, we're not really living anywhere right now.
01:12:27We're, uh, doing the whole van life thing.
01:12:33The whole van life thing?
01:12:34The whole van life thing.
01:12:36We've been traveling across the country and stopping at these little funky places and just
01:12:41finally living our life.
01:12:43That's why we're here, actually.
01:12:45We're gonna be continuing up the coast this week and then, um, who knows where?
01:12:50Who knows where?
01:12:52I mean, honestly, we should show you the van after dinner.
01:12:55Oh, that's a good idea, huh?
01:12:56It's a custom Mercedes Sprinter, 170-inch wheelbase, full kitchen, sink, stove, side hookups for
01:13:03electric and gray water disposal.
01:13:05I mean, this way, when you're at a campsite, it's like you're in a real home.
01:13:08Oh, and my favorite part is, you know, besides just meeting all these colorful characters across,
01:13:13you know, this beautiful patchwork of land that is the United States, is this amazing detachable shower hose head.
01:13:20I don't know if we call it again.
01:13:22But it does both hot and cold water.
01:13:24It is truly top of the line, this van.
01:13:27And we're just excited to, you know, live where we want.
01:13:30So, yeah, it's been great.
01:13:35You look shocked.
01:13:37Yeah.
01:13:38Yeah, I'm pretty shocked.
01:13:40Well, I mean, it is quite a change.
01:13:42It's a huge change.
01:13:44I mean, so you're not making any money?
01:13:47Well, Luke and I have saved up.
01:13:49Uh, plus the sale of the condo has helped us out a lot.
01:13:52So we're, uh, kinda good for now.
01:13:55So you just kinda just, you threw everything away?
01:13:57Well, we sold it.
01:13:59Actually, it's very liberating.
01:14:02So, you know, you have no savings.
01:14:04You're not building towards any kind of future.
01:14:06We're not really thinking about that right now.
01:14:07We're sort of just living life on our own terms.
01:14:10That's so inspiring.
01:14:12So inspiring.
01:14:13Cheers.
01:14:14Yeah, cheers.
01:14:15There we go.
01:14:16This is...
01:14:20Did you tell Mom and Dad?
01:14:22Gonna hold off on that.
01:14:24Yeah.
01:14:25You probably should, because they're gonna be pretty pissed off.
01:14:28Well, I'm not thinking about that right now.
01:14:30Yeah, you're just thinking about yourself.
01:14:31Yeah, I mean, it is my life.
01:14:33Hmm.
01:14:35Is everything okay?
01:14:37No.
01:14:38No.
01:14:39No, actually, this is, this whole thing, this is insane.
01:14:41I guess it is a little insane.
01:14:43Okay, could you stop agreeing with everything that I'm saying?
01:14:48Because the things that I'm saying, they're not good things.
01:14:50Life changes.
01:14:51Priorities change.
01:14:53Things change.
01:14:54Yeah, but you don't change.
01:14:56What does that mean?
01:14:57Of course I change.
01:14:58Nope, not since I've known you.
01:15:03Maybe we talk about something else.
01:15:05Yeah.
01:15:06Let me just, like, be clear about this.
01:15:08Okay, you have no career goals, no plans for a tangible future.
01:15:11You're crisscrossing around the country like some vagabond hobo with carrot top over here living out of your car.
01:15:17Well, to be clear, it's a van.
01:15:20I mean, I'm not sure why you are getting so angry about this.
01:15:23Okay, this doesn't affect you at all.
01:15:26I'm not upset.
01:15:27I'm not angry.
01:15:28Then why are you raising your voice?
01:15:29I am raising my voice!
01:15:30Look, this is absolutely not the right place to talk about this.
01:15:40But, you know, I don't pass any judgement on you, so I think you should show me the same courtesy, okay?
01:15:45Please, you don't pass any judgement on me?
01:15:47I don't.
01:15:48Okay.
01:15:49Yeah, all you do is pass judgement on everything and everyone.
01:15:53Katie, no, I don't.
01:15:54I don't do that.
01:15:55You know what?
01:15:56It doesn't matter anyway, because there's nothing to pass judgement on me about.
01:15:58Because I'm doing okay.
01:15:59I know.
01:16:00Yeah.
01:16:01Yeah.
01:16:02I'm doing just fine.
01:16:03My business is doing great.
01:16:04I'm in a fantastic relationship and we're buying a house.
01:16:05Congratulations.
01:16:06Yeah.
01:16:07And we're having a baby.
01:16:12Really?
01:16:22Um.
01:16:25Cheers.
01:16:29Thanks a lot.
01:16:31Thanks a lot.
01:16:34Um.
01:16:36Um.
01:16:44Hold on.
01:16:45I will be right back.
01:16:46this weather is crazy right whether you like it or not climate change is here
01:17:10hey katie there's someone here to see you he says it's an emergency yes it is an emergency
01:17:25hello my name is arnold buckwalter and i am a professional colleague of katie's i work
01:17:43in capital finance and i am a very lonely man okay you know maybe you and katie could take this
01:17:53interview no i want to hear what arnold has to say
01:17:58since i was a child i have suffered from extreme social anxiety
01:18:15and although i have worked hard to improve myself i still find it difficult to act natural
01:18:23in group settings i often come off as awkward and distant scary in school my nickname was birdman
01:18:38because of my lack of blinking and rapid head movements i cry regularly and i'm okay with
01:18:45that i never stand up for myself but today is different today katie asked me to pose as her
01:18:56boyfriend for this dinner party because she recently ended her relationship to brian from what i
01:19:01understand brian got a tattoo of them together which she found repulsive i assume the only reason that
01:19:07katie asked me was because of my social status as an investment banker wait hold up i thought brian
01:19:13was an investment banker no brian is not an investment banker brian is a liar and a graphic designer
01:19:21or something i assume brian told you something about series j funding rounds
01:19:24yeah that's not actually a thing i made it up while brian is a mean-spirited low-assuming
01:19:31person katie is much worse while brian would insult me to my face katie's behavior was far more
01:19:38insidious she knew i was weak and she knew i had feelings for her and she used that knowledge to
01:19:44bully me into helping them with this frankly despicable charade she used me to lie to her family
01:19:51and when i was no longer needed i was cast aside like trash like garbage
01:19:59but i know my worth and i'm not garbage
01:20:03you're garbage
01:20:07you're garbage
01:20:11you're garbage katie
01:20:12okay you're right
01:20:20you're right okay i'm garbage
01:20:22i said it does that make you feel better look i said it everyone i'm garbage okay i'm garbage i am
01:20:28garbage
01:20:29i lied about mostly everything that i said tonight my business is not doing well brian and i broke up
01:20:35this morning we're not buying a home and i'm definitely not pregnant
01:20:38i've never even met young thug
01:20:40i probably drank way too much
01:20:43i watch a lot of videos of corgis on my phone because the idea of actually owning one gives me a
01:20:48freaking panic attack and i lie a lot i lie a lot a whole lot especially to myself because i can't
01:20:55stand the fucking fact that everyone on planet earth is doing so much better than i am
01:21:00i just i just for one night wanted to feel what it felt like to be doing better than you
01:21:08i never knew you felt that way
01:21:13not only could you please do me a huge favor and just cut the fucking shit for once in your life
01:21:19or you literally know that you win at everything in life you constantly beat me and you love it
01:21:26girl oh you bask in it you crave it i hope you're happy i hope you're happy because you have won again
01:21:34for the millionth fucking time because all you do is just win win win when i i just lose lose lose
01:21:40it's great i lose one time i thought i would cheat and try to figure out what it was like to win at
01:21:46this hellish game that we've been playing our entire lives and so after all of the lying and the scheming
01:21:53and the begging i get here and you tell me that you quit that you just you decided to stop playing
01:22:00the game you're gonna just live hashtag vm life i am so close to winning and you you you can't even
01:22:06give me that one thing and here i am questioning my entire fucking life and you are living in a truck
01:22:13oh jesus
01:22:27this heart has wings
01:22:31and it will fly to you
01:22:40this heart
01:22:46it seems
01:22:48sweet words
01:22:54to you
01:22:56we'll sit
01:23:07and smile
01:23:09as the world
01:23:15passes
01:23:17us by
01:23:19and i
01:23:21and i'll carry you so
01:23:25safely
01:23:27if
01:23:29if only
01:23:31if only
01:23:33you'll take me
01:23:35this
01:23:37heart has
01:23:39we
01:23:41this
01:23:43heart
01:23:45is
01:24:08is
01:24:10i
01:24:11my behavior as of late has not been
01:24:15morally great
01:24:17i haven't been very nice to you
01:24:20or really anybody for that matter
01:24:23so i probably deserved that humiliation at that dinner party
01:24:29i know i don't usually say this but
01:24:35i'm sorry
01:24:36there's a lot i should probably apologize for too
01:24:42um
01:24:44but yeah i don't want to get into the the weeds with it all so i'm just
01:24:48gonna kind of do a blanket apology and say i am sorry too
01:24:57cool
01:24:58i think it's important that we acknowledge these sorry's
01:25:02and and sort of learn from them i guess but uh
01:25:06also maybe we kind of just like forget about the details
01:25:09i would love that
01:25:11great
01:25:14you see um
01:25:15do you maybe just want to keep living together for a little while
01:25:20you know moving such a huge pain in the ass and uh
01:25:22i really i really can't handle a big change right now
01:25:26i would like that
01:25:27yeah we could kind of move our relationship into like a gray area
01:25:32that sounds pretty healthy to me
01:25:41man you were not kidding about your sister van life give me a break
01:25:46oh god
01:25:47man i heard your friends at the work you've been like a bunch of nerds
01:25:51yeah i don't know how you could wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror
01:25:55in the mirror and sex people
01:25:56no they're like yoga people you know you can just get up in the morning
01:25:59to yoga and meditate it's like
01:26:03it's the worst people
01:26:04you're such
01:26:05that's
01:26:07it's
01:26:07you
01:26:08Thinking about what we've been through
01:26:12The world can be a lonely place
01:26:16Baby, I'm so glad that I found you
01:26:21Now I've got someone to embrace
01:26:26From the day you stole my heart
01:26:32I never ever wanted me apart
01:26:37Don't you feel the times are coming
01:26:41Cause I feel it so strong
01:26:44I've been on hold on, baby
01:26:47Don't you feel the times are coming
01:26:51When it feels so right
01:26:54To dance in the moonlight, baby, with you
01:27:07Sometimes we all struggle
01:27:11But when the sun's my face
01:27:16I think of you and all my troubles
01:27:22I'm gone without a trace
01:27:26From all the things that are you
01:27:31I know my love can see us through
01:27:37Don't you feel the times are coming
01:27:41Cause I feel it so strong
01:27:44I've been on hold on, baby
01:27:47Don't you feel the times are coming
01:27:51When it feels so right
01:27:54To dance in the moonlight, baby, with you
01:27:59How wonderful life can be
01:28:11No matter what's in store
01:28:16As long as you and me, baby
01:28:22We can open every door
01:28:26From the day you stole my heart
01:28:31I never care about you
01:28:35I never care about you
01:28:36I never care about you
01:28:37I never care about you
01:28:37I never care about you
01:28:38I never care about you
01:28:39I never care about you
01:28:40I never care about you
01:28:41I never care about you
01:28:42I never care about you
01:28:43I never care about you
01:28:44I never care about you
01:28:45I never care about you
01:28:46I never care about you
01:28:47I never care about you
01:28:48I never care about you
01:28:49I never care about you
01:28:50I never care about you
01:28:51I never care about you
01:28:52I never care about you
01:28:53I never care about you
01:28:54I never care about you
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