- 4 days ago
Prom Dates Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I can't believe it.
00:00:29I can't believe we get to finally see a real prom.
00:00:33You ready?
00:00:36Holy shit.
00:00:38Let's promise each other, prom will be our night.
00:00:41You'll be there with the love of your life.
00:00:43And the most popular girl in school, the prom queen, that'll be me, no matter what it takes.
00:00:52Prom pact, prom pact.
00:00:56Oh no, oh no, what do I do?
00:01:00Uh, just calm down, it's gonna be fine.
00:01:02I don't know how to calm down!
00:01:03It's okay, you're okay!
00:01:05It's okay, it's okay.
00:01:06It's okay.
00:01:07It's okay.
00:01:08I can't believe the dress that I ordered four months ago never came.
00:01:17Do you think it's because we made your delivery name Dick Shardioli?
00:01:20Maybe, but that was the only dress that I think I look like a prom queen in.
00:01:27Okay, are you ready?
00:01:28I mean, I guess.
00:01:29Holy shit!
00:01:30Oh, Jess, you literally look like a penis.
00:01:32Well, you look like a period.
00:01:33You're welcome.
00:01:34Why do they even make dresses like this?
00:01:36It's not like anyone looks good in them.
00:01:38That's fucked up.
00:01:39So do you want to do sushi or pizza?
00:01:41Oh, I forgot to tell you, Luca actually invited me to lunch.
00:01:45Oh, we can drop you off the-
00:01:47Oh!
00:01:48Okay, are you ready?
00:01:49Are you ready?
00:01:50I mean, I guess.
00:01:51Holy shit!
00:01:52Oh, Jess, you literally look like a penis.
00:01:54Well, you look like a period.
00:01:55You're welcome.
00:01:56Why do they even make dresses like this?
00:01:57It's not like anyone looks good in them.
00:01:59So do you want to do sushi or pizza or-
00:02:02Oh, I forgot to tell you, Luca actually invited me to lunch.
00:02:05Oh!
00:02:06We can drop you off the-
00:02:08I would rather get in a lift with Thelma and Louise.
00:02:10Don't be an asshole.
00:02:18Hey, Hanky.
00:02:19Got off you a lift, but the Beamer's built for speed, not comfort.
00:02:22Thought you fit.
00:02:24Save me a seat at assembly.
00:02:26Me up!
00:02:29Yeah, I hope his dick falls off!
00:02:32Fuck you asshole!
00:02:53Just wanted to maximize our alone time together.
00:02:59Oh.
00:03:03Okay.
00:03:04I, um...
00:03:08I, oh, oh.
00:03:11Oh, okay.
00:03:12I just...
00:03:16What are you doing?
00:03:17I just don't want our first time to be at 11am in a parking lot.
00:03:21Just wait till tomorrow night.
00:03:24We'll have the whole hotel room to ourselves after prom.
00:03:27It'll be worth the wait.
00:03:28I'm not trying to force myself onto you or whatever.
00:03:31I just...
00:03:33I want to be close to you.
00:03:35I want to be close to you too.
00:03:36So?
00:03:37No, I'm sorry.
00:03:38So what do you want to do for lunch?
00:03:39Eh, I gotta go pick up a cake for the pre-prom, so...
00:03:40Well, do you want to hang out tonight instead?
00:03:42Can't.
00:03:43FFF.
00:03:44Friday family fondue.
00:03:45Right.
00:03:46Well, if you change your mind, I'd love to finally meet your parents.
00:03:48Hmm.
00:03:49I could take you back to school if you want.
00:03:50Yeah, that'd be great.
00:03:51Thanks.
00:03:52All right.
00:03:53Bye.
00:03:54Bye.
00:03:55Bye.
00:03:56Bye.
00:03:57Bye.
00:03:58Bye.
00:03:59Bye.
00:04:00Bye.
00:04:01Bye.
00:04:02Bye.
00:04:03Bye.
00:04:04Bye.
00:04:05Bye.
00:04:06Bye.
00:04:07Bye.
00:04:08Bye.
00:04:09Bye.
00:04:18Bye.
00:04:19Bye.
00:04:48hey i just wanted to say thanks for sending me the trig homework kind of just needed to hand
00:05:00something in didn't get a chance to finish because of my gig jesus are you okay she's choking
00:05:06did you just fart no thought i heard a fart you didn't okay uh well i'll catch you later
00:05:29you know there you are
00:05:31what did you want just talking about trig homework
00:05:40gross oh that sucks for her where's greg i don't know he said he had some like a student
00:05:49council thing all right come on folks let's settle down all right seniors i know that some of you are
00:05:53planning to take things to the next level tomorrow night sexually that's a word that we can use here
00:05:59we're all adults are almost so i prepared a little demo to have you watch before you do something on
00:06:06your prom night that you can't take back eat a dick hey shut up shut your holes teen pregnancy is not a joke
00:06:17unless it happens to somebody funny protection is the key i'm going to show every johnson in this room
00:06:30that condoms really are one size fits all observe now imagine i am the thing in question
00:06:39oh oh my god oh yeah they should have just handed out free commons and call it a day
00:06:47oh spoken like a true sexual expert i've only done it once that's more than me god i still cannot
00:06:54believe i greened out and missed you meeting johan the dreamy exchange student yeah yeah it's crazy that
00:07:03you had to go back to germany like immediately like the very next day sucks we have one final
00:07:08announcement have a good time at prom and for heaven's sakes use a condom
00:07:17hey i wanted to ask you would you be okay with doing pre-prom at lucas instead of yours the soccer
00:07:24team they just they decided to throw a big party last minute and lucas the captain seriously my mom
00:07:30planned like a whole thing for us i know but he's so excited oh fine as long as we're still getting
00:07:40ready at mine of course yes yeah well nothing could be worse than that is that greg night oh night oh
00:07:57oh from night come and me no wanna go alone night oh night oh oh from night come and me no wanna go alone
00:08:12is he prom poser oh my god please no
00:08:16come and me no wanna go alone
00:08:28oh my god he's getting closer
00:08:31oh my god
00:08:41hannah will you please go to prom with me
00:09:09yeah yes just stop she said yes
00:09:27it's always big public displays of affection with him i told him not to do that he choreographed bananas
00:09:33for you clearly i came from a place of love i've been dating luca for four months and i still can't even
00:09:38get him to introduce me to his parents consider yourself lucky i can't believe you two are going
00:09:42to different colleges do you remember when you found out that he was sleeping with a lock of your hair
00:09:47dateline vibes yeah i think some space will be a good thing
00:09:52no one had their phones out you literally had your phone out you want to hang out tonight vodka heather's
00:09:57throwing a party oh god i hope i'm the only hannah in my program i do not want to be saddled with a nickname
00:10:01like that my first year of college are you kidding she loves it it's actually surprisingly well done
00:10:07it's got a really smooth lower back as much as i would love to see that in person greg told me to
00:10:13come over tonight for a surprise i'm guessing it's a shared burial plot we can give you a ride home
00:10:19though why is your brother here don't you know you make me crazy
00:10:30i can't believe this is happening right now i know i've known you since we were like five
00:10:35are you thinking about five-year-old me while i'm inside of you no that's fucked up that's you're sick
00:10:41does sex always have this much talking yeah it does when you're nervous because you like someone
00:10:48we can't tell hannah oh my god no mom's the word oh great now i'm thinking about your mom
00:10:54no but imagine i came when you said that
00:11:00that would be really fun that would be worse than thinking about
00:11:04that's what i'm saying
00:11:09hi hi i think your aux court is busted oh there's some cds in the glove box if you want
00:11:16eh whatever your music tastes all women who sound like sad ghosts anyways that's
00:11:22fair so when'd you get back uh yesterday yeah i uh actually i got a job at that italian place near our
00:11:29house so i'll be here till august oh i feel like the right fit because i would literally kill hannah
00:11:34for a free chicken farm same hey um do you guys want to go to a show tonight there's this great
00:11:40band that's playing a warehouse near rutgers campus should be pretty cool uh i can't i'm hanging
00:11:45with greg and jess is probably busy jerking it to a pic of luca who's luca her chody boyfriend
00:11:52get your feet down you were adopted love you love you get home safe
00:12:18my door is right there yeah but you could trip let's go i gotta rock a fat piss why didn't you go
00:12:26at school i did what i gotta go again what is the matter with you
00:12:40hi hannah come in come in i'm just teaching lucy a new trick come on you don't want to miss this
00:12:51lucy what would you like for dinner duck rice please wow she's hitting all her food groups she's so
00:13:00advanced i'd send her to university but i'm so scared of the fraternity parties she's so smart she
00:13:05doesn't even need a treat her reward is communicating with mommy awesome i'm gonna go check on dinner i'm
00:13:13cooking ethiopian food tonight greg should be down in a second okay rice please please kill me why would
00:13:23they even give you those buttons as an option there's my hanny banana come upstairs i have something i want
00:13:30to show you please kill mommy kill mommy kill please please please hey everyone welcome back to my channel
00:13:49so today i have a super exciting makeup tutorial
00:14:03so what musical did you want to watch and before you say it i know we can't watch phantom because it's too scary
00:14:25you're not going to propose are you what if i did you're not no no i wanted to take a smaller
00:14:31step first
00:14:43this is from penn state yes so why is it addressed to you you're going to stanford
00:14:53you transferred i transferred
00:14:57now we don't have to worry about expensive flights or missing birthdays or anything
00:15:02i even weaseled my way into the same dorm so we never have to be apart
00:15:06isn't it so great we're going to be together forever
00:15:11i have to go i have to go what what hannah
00:15:22hannah
00:15:24hannah
00:15:31lucy
00:15:39okay okay you can do this they're going to love you
00:15:52lucy
00:16:06jesus
00:16:06i thought you had a family dinner
00:16:10i do i mean i did i yelled at my mom for buying ham instead of prosciutto so my parents went out
00:16:16without me how could you do this to me look it's not what it looks like i barely know this girl
00:16:21you texted me janine i swear to god
00:16:26i'm so sorry i didn't know he was with someone
00:16:29siri pause sexy time playlist
00:16:32your text was a lie
00:16:32your text was a lie
00:16:33not fully
00:16:34i bet my mom would think that you have great taste if she knew who you were
00:16:39you're an asshole
00:16:40jess
00:16:43come on jess
00:16:43jess
00:16:45yo janine you still here can we door dash some shooto
00:16:51lucca cheated on me no greg transferred to penn state what meet at my house now
00:16:58how could he do this to me there goes my chance of being prom queen he couldn't wait one night to
00:17:03get his dick wet i bought handcuffs hannah handcuffs and yeah i bought them from the halloween store because
00:17:08the sex store kind of scares me but i was gonna google how to use them and blow his mind like i
00:17:12was gonna use them on my ankles that's crazy you know my name is in his phone it's jess harrison
00:17:16lehigh we go to the same school yeah that's crazy hannah you said the same thing like five times
00:17:25like i know that greg's transferring was a shock but isn't it a good thing especially considering the
00:17:29alternative i'm a lesbian i've wanted to tell you forever but i could never get you at the right time
00:17:35and i wasn't entirely sure because i hadn't kissed a girl before so how could i know but
00:17:40then two weeks into dating greg went down on me for the first time and i had to think of rachel
00:17:45vice in the mummy to come and then it was obvious but i wasn't ready for my whole life to be turned
00:17:51upside down so i figured i'd go to college and get a septum ring and it sort of sort itself out but then
00:17:58greg wanted to wear my skin as a coat and now i can't live one more second pretending
00:18:04that i'm not obsessed with girls hannah
00:18:13hannah i know you're gay what i'm your best friend and also it's not exactly hard to tell
00:18:19what the in fourth grade you bought mrs burkowski a bottle of perfume and then when her husband came
00:18:25for career day you called him a little he was a little he was a firefighter he was a
00:18:29bitchy firefighter how come you didn't say anything it wasn't my place i figured you'd tell me when
00:18:37you're ready just like i didn't tell you i was black until i was eight and also when you started dating
00:18:42greg i thought maybe you were bi no i was just scared so scared i wasted 10 months of my life giving
00:18:50handjobs to a guy with a glee bumper sticker oh my god i just ran out how the am i gonna look him in
00:18:58the eye tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow's prom and we don't have dates dope the perfect excuse not
00:19:06to go uh we are absolutely going do you know how much of my college fund i spent on two dresses
00:19:13flashes shoes i got a brazilian hannah i don't even know what that is did you know you have hair
00:19:17on your asshole it is up down there okay we are going to prom we are getting new dates tonight it is
00:19:229 pm jessica prom pact stop prom pact oh you want to compare scars because this landed me in 10
00:19:33months of therapy after my mom thought i tried to publicly commit suicide we promised that no matter
00:19:39what this would be our night i can't wait to go to prom with my boyfriend if i'm not dating someone
00:19:45by senior year i'm gonna drink bleach and blast social media so i can get a date with taylor lautner
00:19:51fuck i wish i thought of that that's just one part of the perfect prom night we only have one
00:19:57shot at senior prom one and we are this close i mean are you really gonna let some douchebag who
00:20:01sprays fucking paco rabanne on his balls screw up my moment in the spotlight i don't know what you
00:20:06want me to do i don't even know what i would say to greg you are going to prom with the love of your
00:20:09life or as close as we can get we're gonna find you a girl i've never even flirted with a girl i'm just
00:20:15supposed to ask one to prom i get why prom at the do doesn't seem so exciting but what about prom
00:20:19with the girl of your dreams who you get to maybe finger in the limo later
00:20:26that's your finger i do want to finger the girl of my dreams
00:20:32he has to be hot or at least hotter than luca anything less is proof i'm ugly
00:20:37what about eric stevens who the kid who brought a can of whiskers for lunch in ninth grade you mean
00:20:44cat stevens oh my god ummer his parents have a private jet and just broke up with lisa okay
00:20:50yes calling him now genius i can't believe they is the one where i sneeze um i just was wondering
00:20:58who you're going to prom with yeah no that's great i totally get it i'm so glad you two worked it out
00:21:04because i heard that i i heard a rumor that she's cheating on you no you didn't i didn't yeah you
00:21:10fucking did okay oh angie adams she's perfect are you kidding me i would die to come out of prom with
00:21:18someone as cool as her look i might as well dm sarah paulson and ask her to prom hannah it would never
00:21:24happen fine take this away from me time to text melissa kelly okay give it back
00:21:40hey do you wanna go to prom with me why she's typing
00:21:54no that is a lie she hit like 42 home runs this year god
00:22:01bitch hey
00:22:11if we can't find anyone in high school let's go to college
00:22:24we get in we ask someone we get out i'm having second thoughts maybe we should just go home
00:22:51okay i wanted to go it's too late okay
00:22:55vodka heather yes what the fuck is up damn i haven't seen you since summer camp i didn't know you were hot
00:23:03now oh thank you um yeah no anyway thank you so thank you for sending the address by the way like we've
00:23:10had kind of like a crazy night like you wouldn't believe yeah whatever take this oh
00:23:16i'm gonna go and we have the bottoms up and get in here the cops already on my ass they're pissing on
00:23:21the neighbor's lawn serve and protect this ass you cunt
00:23:26so um are there any single
00:23:34let's just leave hey hannah i don't know what to do jess how do you even flirt with a lesbian
00:23:41well how would you want someone to flirt with you i don't know by like
00:23:45giving me a bunch of different flowers and they all like represent the different qualities about me
00:23:51wow you are gay you're not helping okay okay just just tell them that they smell nice everyone wants
00:23:57to hear that okay yeah good call yeah okay okay i am gonna go hit on timothy chalamet you are gonna
00:24:05find a hot lesbian and sweep her off her feet yeah yeah uh-huh okay yep all right you ready i guess
00:24:11meet you on the other side okay okay
00:24:13meet you on the other side okay
00:24:20how do i know who's gay
00:24:43hey mommy did you find her no she won't pick up her phone i'm talking about lucy i'm worried sick
00:24:52that's your sister i don't care about the damn dog i'm chasing the love of my life
00:25:01hannah please i know i come on strong but it's just because of the amount of love i have in my heart
00:25:08hey she's not here at last i heard she was with you okay she's not are you okay i'm probably pretty
00:25:21dehydrated because i've been crying a lot okay okay okay um you stay here okay i'm gonna get you some
00:25:30water okay okay okay you're gonna be okay oh yeah sure yeah okay think happy thoughts no
00:25:50that's a good one are you an angel olsen fan
00:25:54cosa are you an angel olsen fan mi spiace non parlo inglese oh oh oh oh oh si si um parlo un poco
00:26:06di italiano um ho visto il film lizzie mcguire tipo gente volte um so yeah so i know some basics
00:26:15mi chiamo giancarlo giancarlo i like that mi chiamo jess mi sorprende che il tuo istinto di
00:26:24sopravvivenza non ti abbia fatto fuggire il male che ho dentro è palpabile per la maggior parte delle
00:26:29person totally hey hey do you want to get a drink
00:26:38i got this i got this
00:26:51oh after you after you after me
00:26:59awesome party you guys really killer hi hi
00:27:12damn it
00:27:21um
00:27:22um uh you smell really good oh sweetheart i'm a twink oh my god i'm so sorry don't worry
00:27:32about it oh my god now i know i look good i'm so sorry
00:27:47oh i'm sorry get in here no no no it's okay i really don't get the fuck in here move
00:27:59oh you look stressed you want some molly actually i'm trying to cut back but thank you
00:28:10i'm gonna go find jess you need to get high what here
00:28:24you know i used to be just like you i'm sad no confidence wetting the bed all the time
00:28:30i don't wet the bed until i became vodka heather vodka heather can do anything watch this whoa don't
00:28:37do that kiss each other see yeah i don't think i want what you have you do it's all about confidence
00:28:46substance induces confidence don't you think talking to girls would be a lot easier if you were confident
00:28:51that's the spirit give me your keys
00:29:06get down here come on
00:29:13open wide
00:29:14okay so how do you feel gay as hell so do you study film with heather no non sono uno
00:29:26student dopo essermi stancato di torturare gli animali dei miei vicini ho iniziato a cercare
00:29:32per the più gravi yeah same in tutta onestà il mio vero desiderio di consumare la carne di una
00:29:40preda più innocente forse così sarò purificato e quando morirò sarà accolto nel rene dei cieli
00:29:46nonostante nei tanti peccati yeah yeah hey do you want to go somewhere else to talk absolutely okay
00:29:56it's time go get him tiger wait how do i know who's gay uh it's a first year college party everyone's gay
00:30:10yeah
00:30:16oh
00:30:18oh
00:30:20oh
00:30:22oh
00:30:24oh
00:30:26oh
00:30:28oh
00:30:30oh
00:30:32oh
00:30:46oh
00:30:58you're here alone yeah
00:31:03not anymore
00:31:06oh
00:31:09interesting
00:31:11um
00:31:11yeah no i'm sorry i i'm sorry if i was too forward i just i just wanted to ask you a question
00:31:22okay
00:31:24yeah no i was wondering if maybe you're free tomorrow to oh okay yeah do a little more of that
00:31:30um
00:31:31mio dio
00:31:38thank you
00:31:52oh hell yeah
00:31:52Okay, my turn.
00:31:58Cool fanny pack.
00:32:00Alright.
00:32:01Yeah, it's whatever.
00:32:05Fuck.
00:32:07You know, actually, I prefer to do it with them on.
00:32:10Who are you?
00:32:12I'm Hannah motherfucking Shapiro.
00:32:15Wait, my last name's Shapiro?
00:32:18That's a pretty common last name.
00:32:19Where are you from?
00:32:20Seattle.
00:32:23What's your dad's name?
00:32:25Nate?
00:32:27With the restaurant?
00:32:29Yes.
00:32:30We're second cousins.
00:32:34No, I can't...
00:32:36Wait, was your ball mitzvah-themed Twilight?
00:32:38Oh my god, you know, I guess this is why people have family reunions.
00:32:42Oh my god, thank god.
00:32:43Do you want to just pretend this ever happened?
00:32:45100%.
00:32:46Yeah.
00:32:47Hey, did you know that Marsha died?
00:32:49Jesus Christ.
00:32:50We got a complaint that this house is blasting Charlie 10C10, so I know somebody's snorting drugs in here.
00:32:59Let's dance.
00:33:01Shit.
00:33:03Finally, Christ.
00:33:05You pay so much for data, you'd think Google Translate would work.
00:33:07Okay, um, uh, verrai al balo con me?
00:33:14Oh my god, the cops are here!
00:33:16We gotta go!
00:33:18Mi hanno trovato, e proprio prima del mio primo sacrificio umano.
00:33:22Forse stanotte verrai mio giudizio finale.
00:33:24Man, no senso a mi se reminco.
00:33:30Was that guy trying to kill you?
00:33:31Look, it was either that or intense sexual chemistry, and I was willing to find out.
00:33:34Come on.
00:33:35Eat glass, pigs!
00:33:38Man!
00:33:39Great party!
00:33:40Wah!
00:33:40Oh shit, shit, shit!
00:33:54I do!
00:33:55I sorted a bunch of drugs!
00:33:56If they test me, I'm going to jail for sure!
00:33:58What do you think they're going to do to me?
00:33:59I'm a black teenager who broke a minor law in their wet fucking dream.
00:34:03We gotta go over.
00:34:04Oh fuck.
00:34:05If we double bounce, we can get enough air to clear the fence.
00:34:09I gotcha.
00:34:10Okay, okay.
00:34:11Thanks.
00:34:11Okay.
00:34:13Ready?
00:34:14Ninja kick over the fence!
00:34:15Hi-ya!
00:34:16Yeah, like that!
00:34:16Hi-ya!
00:34:17Hi-ya!
00:34:17Yeah!
00:34:18Oh, this is fun!
00:34:20I can't shoot out!
00:34:20Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:34:21I think I'm still pretty high.
00:34:22Your hands.
00:34:23Okay, we have to turn and count.
00:34:25Okay.
00:34:26Oh!
00:34:27One, two, three!
00:34:29Ah!
00:34:37Oh, my God!
00:34:38Oh, my God!
00:34:40What are you fucking...
00:34:41You're a genius!
00:34:43I never should have doubted you!
00:34:44Are you...
00:34:47Girls?
00:34:52Yes.
00:34:58No!
00:34:58Yes!
00:34:59Yes!
00:35:05All right.
00:35:06Face yourself.
00:35:08Thanks, Jacob.
00:35:10Yeah.
00:35:10You have a really calming presence.
00:35:12I think it's because you remind me of...
00:35:15Okay, okay, okay.
00:35:16Hey, hey, hey.
00:35:16It's okay.
00:35:17It's okay.
00:35:17Look, I'm sure everything is going to work out exactly how it's supposed to.
00:35:23You know?
00:35:23Maybe Hannah just needs some time to think.
00:35:25You know, haven't you ever needed time away from her to process?
00:35:29No.
00:35:30I would live in her pocket if I could.
00:35:32Okay.
00:35:34Okay.
00:35:35I'm sorry, Jacob.
00:35:37No, no.
00:35:37I don't mean to be a burden.
00:35:38I can't be alone right now.
00:35:42I just can't.
00:35:44Hey, um, I was going to go to a concert tonight.
00:35:46Do you want to come with me to that?
00:35:49Oh, you know, please.
00:35:52Okay.
00:35:53Can we hold hands in the car?
00:35:58Oh, your hair's straight again.
00:35:59Cool.
00:36:01Oh, thanks.
00:36:04Sorry we had to crash your party.
00:36:06We kind of had no choice.
00:36:07But, you know, without you guys, we probably would be arrested right now.
00:36:10Actually, I'd say a somersaulting through the air is what saved us.
00:36:13But, you know.
00:36:14Yeah, thank you so much.
00:36:16Are you kidding?
00:36:17You babes are the ones helping us out.
00:36:19This was supposed to be our frats big end of the year kegger, but none of the sororities
00:36:23we invited showed up.
00:36:24So, one, two, three.
00:36:27For the boys!
00:36:29You're not coming tonight.
00:36:31Okay.
00:36:31Looks like I took that mandatory consent course for nothing.
00:36:36Wonder why.
00:36:38I'm Jess, by the way.
00:36:40Reggie, so, do you ladies want me to get you some drinks?
00:36:44Um, we should really be going.
00:36:45And our parents know our exact location, so they'd be able to find us if for some reason
00:36:51we were blocked from leaving.
00:36:53Huh.
00:36:54She's just kidding.
00:36:59Hannah, Hannah, can I talk to you over there for a sec?
00:37:09I think we should stay.
00:37:10Are you serious?
00:37:11Frat bros are, like, the most rapey subgroup of men.
00:37:15I don't get that vibe from Reggie.
00:37:16He seems honest.
00:37:17God, you have horrible taste in men.
00:37:20I promise.
00:37:20I'll be quick, okay?
00:37:21I'll just feel him out and then ask him right away.
00:37:24And then we can find the gayest, queerest co-op slash poetry slam slash vegan restaurant
00:37:30you can imagine.
00:37:31Come on.
00:37:32He's a hot college guy.
00:37:34Everyone would freak if I brought him to prom.
00:37:36Please, hands.
00:37:37Fine.
00:37:38You're the best.
00:37:39I know.
00:37:41Hey, you want to play beer pong?
00:37:42Rock and roll.
00:37:43Table's this way.
00:37:44Okay.
00:37:45You know what?
00:37:46Keep your location on, just in case.
00:37:49Yes, mommy.
00:37:51Hey, so I was wondering if maybe...
00:37:58I'm gay.
00:37:58Cool.
00:37:59You're cool.
00:38:01Gay's good.
00:38:03So you're into sports then?
00:38:04I'm going to go inside.
00:38:05Yeah.
00:38:05Right on.
00:38:06You're in Paris.
00:38:24I'm in Paris.
00:38:29They're in Paris.
00:38:34I don't know.
00:39:04Oh, fuck.
00:39:30Damn, you're pretty good at this.
00:39:32What can I say? When I know what I want,
00:39:34nothing stops me from getting it.
00:39:36Same. You know, I actually didn't get into college,
00:39:39so I just started showing up to the classes.
00:39:41Now they have to give me a degree.
00:39:43Hmm. You want to play another round?
00:39:45Let's do it.
00:39:47The stripper's here!
00:39:49Yeah!
00:39:51Uh, want to go up to my room instead?
00:39:54Yeah, uh, sure.
00:39:56Cool.
00:39:58All right, Jess, it's time to get freaky.
00:40:00Before I prom date.
00:40:02I feel like a woman in STEM right now.
00:40:04Fucking sisters doing it for themselves.
00:40:06Okay.
00:40:08Oh, okay, I'm sorry.
00:40:10It's like a sperm.
00:40:12Can I-
00:40:14all right listen up boys this is Lexi tip well and be respectful because she's a
00:40:43dancer from the only company that has blacklisted our frat Wow you're quite the athlete thanks
00:41:12you know my coach says one more concussion and I'll have to learn to read again
00:41:16oh that's awful I know it was so hard the first time
00:41:21want to come sit I actually need a little help with something yes just sitting on your bed
00:41:31sorry they're here somewhere oh no take your time protection is key
00:41:46um my puppy gave me this hundred dollars for graduating aren't you generous
00:41:56there they are
00:42:08let's go I'm ready what I wanted your help to write an email to my mom what all the concussions
00:42:19make me super sensitive to light did I say that already I can't look at the screen for more than
00:42:24ten minutes oh yeah no I just thought I mean we can do it if you want um actually I was just I was
00:42:37gonna see if you wanted to go to prom wait you want to go to prom with me I'd love to
00:42:42are you serious yeah we'll have the best night of our life
00:42:57oh Reggie I get the feeling that you boys want me to take my top off oh no no no no no that's okay
00:43:09you really don't have to do that
00:43:11you really don't have to do that
00:43:22you really don't have to do that
00:43:24oh
00:43:26oh
00:43:27oh
00:43:28oh
00:43:29oh
00:43:31oh
00:43:33oh
00:43:34oh
00:43:37oh
00:43:38oh
00:43:39oh
00:43:40I don't feel so good
00:43:56I don't feel so good
00:44:00What?
00:44:00What?
00:44:01What?
00:44:02What?
00:44:02I said
00:44:03I don't feel so good
00:44:09Oh
00:44:11Reggie?
00:44:13Help!
00:44:15Help!
00:44:26Are you okay, sweetie?
00:44:34Oh my god
00:44:39Oh
00:44:42No
00:44:43No, no, no
00:44:44No
00:44:45You're gonna get us blacklisted
00:44:51I'm so sorry
00:44:58Jess!
00:45:00Jess!
00:45:01Jess!
00:45:02I hear you!
00:45:03Jess!
00:45:04I'm here!
00:45:05Oh my god
00:45:06Oh
00:45:07Oh, I thought you were dead
00:45:09What happened?
00:45:11Oh my god
00:45:12Yeah
00:45:13Get out of my bathroom
00:45:14You creep!
00:45:15Girl!
00:45:16I saved you
00:45:17No!
00:45:18You idiot
00:45:19He was gonna go to prom with me
00:45:20Why were you screaming for help?
00:45:22Are you bleeding?
00:45:23Yes, we need to leave
00:45:24Like now
00:45:25Okay, okay, okay, just get him off of me
00:45:28Pardon me
00:45:29Oh, my foot, my foot
00:45:30No, I gotcha
00:45:31I gotcha
00:45:32I gotcha, I gotcha, come here
00:45:33Okay
00:45:34Yeah
00:45:35Pulled out
00:45:36Oh my god
00:45:37I don't need to scream
00:45:38Okay, let's go
00:45:39Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
00:45:41One second
00:45:46Hey, can you get a landscape of us?
00:45:47Are you fucking kidding me?
00:45:48Okay, okay, okay, okay
00:45:49Oh my god
00:45:51I was so close
00:45:52What happened back there?
00:45:54Well, let me think
00:45:55Um
00:45:56You ditched me
00:45:57For a man with the IQ of a ham sandwich
00:46:00And then I sneezed blood all over a beautiful woman
00:46:03So
00:46:05You know what?
00:46:06I'm just
00:46:08This night is over
00:46:09And I'm just, I'm gonna go home
00:46:14Where are my keys?
00:46:15Where the fuck are my...
00:46:19Fuck!
00:46:20Oh my god, I left them at Heather's after doing that bump
00:46:23Hannah, it's okay
00:46:24We're just gonna find another party really quick
00:46:26I'm gonna grab a date and then boom, we're out of there
00:46:28What the fuck are you talking about?
00:46:29I fucked my face, Jess, it's over
00:46:33Hannah, come on, let's just
00:46:34No, no, we're meeting up with Jacob to grab his keys
00:46:36And then you can do whatever you want, okay?
00:46:39Wait, wait, you're calling Jacob?
00:46:41You had your chest, now let me free
00:46:46There's nothing left out to me
00:46:49And now when you reach out, you'll see
00:46:52I won't be made by your side
00:47:00That's something they've got word as a young person
00:47:02But they told me that my cartilage is too weak to handle a punch
00:47:06Oh, speaking of fighting, I actually asked Mr. Sanchez
00:47:09She has to pair me and Hannah up in the self-defense class
00:47:12Little did I know, she has a mean right hook
00:47:14Knocked me clean out, concussed, never been the same
00:47:17But she actually carried me to the nurse's office
00:47:20And that was that
00:47:21That's when I knew she was the one for me
00:47:24I actually still have that gym shirt with the blood on it
00:47:27Yeah, I never washed it
00:47:28Wow
00:47:29Never will wash it actually
00:47:30Wow, that is crazy
00:47:33Hey, um, why don't you go grab us some drinks from the bar?
00:47:37Huh?
00:47:38No problemo, Jakey
00:47:40You know, it's bonkers that it's taken us this long to hang out one on one
00:47:44We have such great chemistry
00:47:47Okay
00:47:50Hannah
00:47:51Where are you on campus?
00:47:52I need to borrow your keys
00:47:53Hannah, let's just like ring the doorbell until your parents wake up
00:47:55Richardson and Wyckoff
00:47:56Okay
00:47:57Yeah, we're like ten minutes off from there
00:48:00Okay
00:48:02Yeah, I'm with her right now
00:48:03Why?
00:48:04What the fuck?
00:48:06Hello?
00:48:08Hannah, can you...
00:48:12I'm sorry
00:48:13If that was some ploy to try to get me to stay out with you
00:48:16No
00:48:17No, it extremely isn't working
00:48:19I'm sorry, I thought he was going to say something
00:48:21What are you talking about?
00:48:24I had sex with Jacob
00:48:28When?
00:48:29When we visited him in January
00:48:31No, that's when you had your one night stand with Johan
00:48:37Johan is Jacob?
00:48:39I...
00:48:40Thanks for making our two year anniversary so special
00:48:42Boo boo
00:48:43Oh yeah
00:48:44The night's not over yet
00:48:45Why don't you make a wish?
00:48:46Hang on
00:48:47Let's just do it
00:48:48Hey, I'll make a wish
00:48:49Throw it in there
00:48:50Okay
00:48:51Oh my God
00:48:53I didn't know what else to do
00:48:54I didn't want to lie to my best friend about doing it for the first time
00:48:57But then I knew I couldn't tell you it was Jacob because then you'd get upset
00:49:00Yeah?
00:49:01Well, cause we, you know, talked in graphic detail about that night
00:49:04And I literally hyped you up about riding the D
00:49:07And now you're telling me the D road was my f-
00:49:12Oh God
00:49:17I think I might have genuine feelings for it
00:49:20I kissed my cousin cause of you, you fucking brother fucker
00:49:25You kissed your what?
00:49:26She kissed her cousin?
00:49:27I saw a show about this
00:49:29Oh God
00:49:31Oh God
00:49:32Let's just find a different fountain
00:49:34That was my last quarter
00:49:35Oh God
00:49:36No, no
00:49:37Oh my God
00:49:38You're a horrible friend
00:49:41This whole shitty night only happened cause you're obsessed with having the perfect prom night
00:49:46You wanted to find a date too
00:49:48Okay
00:49:49If it was that bad you could have just left
00:49:51And abandoned you in a frat house?
00:49:53When have I ever left your side?
00:49:55I cannot believe I let you drag me out for the gay prom of my dreams
00:50:00Of course this was always about you
00:50:02Okay
00:50:03Do you realize everything is always about you?
00:50:06If I hadn't convinced you to come you'd have been crawling right back to Greg
00:50:09And you would have acted like nothing happened and that everything was okay like you always do
00:50:14I'm actually, I'm being a super ally right now
00:50:17Do not act like you understand the pressures of coming out cause you really don't
00:50:21I'm so sorry, would you mind keeping it down a little?
00:50:23We support whatever's going on between the two of you but we're trying to have a moment
00:50:26I'll fucking kill you
00:50:27Can you interrupt my best friend?
00:50:28Okay, Jesus Christ
00:50:29Really romantic to have a moment at a fucking fountain at a college
00:50:32Okay, have a good night, thank you
00:50:33Wow
00:50:34Wow
00:50:35Wow
00:50:36Wow
00:50:37Han?
00:50:38Hope your wish doesn't come true
00:50:40Well it did come true
00:50:41It was to have your face fucked up
00:50:43Hannah
00:50:48There is no way you're taking that phone call instead of finishing this with me
00:50:53I won't have a shot at prom queen without him
00:50:55Are you serious?
00:50:59Hannah!
00:51:02Fucking
00:51:03What do you want?
00:51:04So?
00:51:05There's a cool guy in the picture that you posted
00:51:06Why do you care?
00:51:07You seem to have your hands pretty full when I came by earlier
00:51:08Jess, I'm sorry, come on
00:51:09I made a mistake, she doesn't mean anything to me
00:51:10And FYI, she tried to get me to take you to prom and I said no
00:51:11You are the one I want to go with
00:51:13You are the one I want to go with
00:51:14Yeah, well Hannah and I were actually at this really cool warehouse show at Rutgers so I gotta go
00:51:20Alright, you're Shirley Temple and Virgin Screwdriver
00:51:21Thank you kindly Bartender
00:51:22And might I add, I am very surprised that you guys don't ask for ID at this establishment
00:51:23I'm 16
00:51:24I'm 16
00:51:25I'm 16
00:51:26I'm 16
00:51:27I'm 16
00:51:28I'm 16
00:51:29I'm 16
00:51:30I'm 16
00:51:31I'm 16
00:51:32I'm 16
00:51:33I'm 16
00:51:34I'm 16
00:51:35I'm 16
00:51:36I'm 16
00:51:37I'm 16
00:51:38I'm 16
00:51:39I'm 16
00:51:40I'm 16
00:51:41I'm 16
00:51:42I'm 16
00:51:43I'm 16
00:51:44I'm 16
00:51:45I'm 16
00:51:46I'm 16
00:51:47I'm 16
00:51:48I'm 16
00:51:49I'm 16
00:51:50I'm 16
00:51:55I'm 16
00:51:58I'm 16
00:51:59I'm 16
00:52:00I'm 16
00:52:01I'm 16
00:52:02Whiskey ginger ale?
00:52:03I don't serve minors
00:52:04Can I just sit here?
00:52:07Alright, in this next song, we got a very special guest
00:52:12Give it up for Angie Adams!
00:52:16One, two, three, four!
00:52:19Hannah?
00:52:20Watch this!
00:52:21Oh shit, I'm sorry!
00:52:22No, no, no, it's no problem!
00:52:23Hi!
00:52:24Hi!
00:52:25Have you seen Hannah?
00:52:26No!
00:52:27What?
00:52:28What?
00:52:29Oh shit, I'm sorry!
00:52:30No, no, no, no, it's no problem!
00:52:31Hi!
00:52:32Hi!
00:52:33Uh, have you seen Hannah?
00:52:34No, what?
00:52:35Is everything okay?
00:52:36Yeah, no, I just, uh, I told her that we did it!
00:52:39Shit!
00:52:40Um, okay, how did she take it?
00:52:41She, she threw up in a fountain and then she ran away!
00:52:42Better than I expected!
00:52:43Hey, I'm really sorry, that car ride was super awkward!
00:52:44I'm sure that your boyfriend is great and I hope that you guys are really happy together,
00:52:45truly!
00:52:46Uh, actually he cheated on me!
00:52:47That, fucker, we should kill him, right?
00:52:50Uh, hey, do you talk to a couple of others?
00:52:53Not gonna lie.
00:52:54Good-bye.
00:52:55Yeah, I have.
00:52:56Oh!
00:52:57Where do you tell him to not live?
00:52:59Oh, oh no, no!
00:53:00I don't know.
00:53:01Don't know.
00:53:02You know, you don't know.
00:53:03Hey, what you did talk to me?
00:53:04No, I didn't!
00:53:05What you did go to my friend's house and I was just...
00:53:06Oh, oh no, that I've had to be so hard.
00:53:07No I'm completely so hard!
00:53:08No I have to be so hard!
00:53:09I just, uh, I told her that we did it!
00:53:12Shit.
00:53:13Um, okay, how did she take it?
00:53:14Uh, hey, do you maybe want to go sit and talk for a minute?
00:53:19Uh, yeah.
00:53:21Okay.
00:53:21Okay.
00:53:22Yeah.
00:53:26Jacob?
00:53:42Hannah?
00:53:44Angie?
00:53:47What are you doing here?
00:53:49My sister's crashing here.
00:53:50She invited me to play a little bit.
00:53:51What are you doing here?
00:53:52I came to grab house keys from my brother.
00:53:55I had kind of a rough night.
00:53:58Yeah, I can see that.
00:53:59What happened?
00:54:01I had the good fortune of seeing someone's boobs for the first time.
00:54:05And then I promptly sneezed blood on them.
00:54:08Are you serious?
00:54:10That's incredible.
00:54:11Start at the beginning.
00:54:13I need to know everything.
00:54:17I'm actually kind of impressed that you managed to drop the ball on two potential prom dates.
00:54:23Yeah, okay.
00:54:24Well, your sister smashing a glass over the head of one of them didn't help.
00:54:28Yeah, yeah.
00:54:29Taking down frat bros.
00:54:30The lesbian agenda.
00:54:32What?
00:54:33What are you talking about?
00:54:36Oh my God, Jess, come on.
00:54:37She's my sister.
00:54:38You think I don't know she's gay?
00:54:40I caught her trying to leave the house in my jorts like 30 times.
00:54:43Can I ask you something?
00:54:47Why do you care so much about finding a prom date?
00:54:53I guess, uh...
00:54:55Going alone is kind of like admitting that no one wanted to go with you.
00:55:01But going with someone popular means I've made it.
00:55:05Oh, there you are.
00:55:07You can't leave me like that, Dad.
00:55:08I mean, Jake.
00:55:09You know, I have abandoned...
00:55:11Oh my God.
00:55:13If you're here...
00:55:14No.
00:55:14I gotta go get my girl.
00:55:15No, no, no.
00:55:16I'm gonna go grab him.
00:55:17Go find Hannah.
00:55:18Okay.
00:55:18Hannah!
00:55:19Excuse me, sorry.
00:55:20Hannah!
00:55:21Sorry, guys.
00:55:22Hannah, where?
00:55:23Hannah!
00:55:23Jess!
00:55:25Luca.
00:55:34So your first time seeing boobs was in front of 25 frat bros.
00:55:39And that's not how it goes for everyone?
00:55:40No.
00:55:41I mean...
00:55:42Um, I just...
00:55:42I don't know.
00:55:43I feel like you've never done anything half as embarrassing.
00:55:45Hey, don't let my fat ass and perfect personality fool you.
00:55:49I went to circus camp until I was 15.
00:55:52You're lying.
00:55:55Whoa!
00:55:58Yeah.
00:55:58I have a feeling you used that trick on all the girls.
00:56:01Not on all the girls.
00:56:02Just the ones I'm trying to kiss.
00:56:04Okay, I gotta ask.
00:56:10Where is that student council kid you're always with?
00:56:13Greg?
00:56:14Oh, I broke up with him.
00:56:16Yeah, I'm a lesbian.
00:56:19Well, I can't imagine those clothes are really comfortable.
00:56:22Shouldn't we go up to my sister's room to find you something else?
00:56:26Yeah, sure.
00:56:26You're making all the plans that you made
00:56:32It's in the building, an empty place in the time
00:56:36Please, please, please!
00:56:39Has anyone seen a girl named Hannah?
00:56:42She's 5'5 and the most perfect angel in the world!
00:56:46Please!
00:56:47I don't have time for this.
00:56:48I just fucked up one time.
00:56:50It's really over because I made one mistake?
00:56:51You never treated me properly, Luca.
00:56:53I did a lot of things wrong.
00:56:55I should have introduced you to my parents.
00:56:56I was confused, but I'm not anymore.
00:56:58It's too late.
00:56:59Come on, I swear I can make things right.
00:57:01I want to go to prom together.
00:57:03Like, together.
00:57:04Together.
00:57:05Prom king and prom queen.
00:57:06So, you can, um, put this on.
00:57:20Amazing.
00:57:21Or we could both take our shirts off.
00:57:24I would like to do that.
00:57:26Yeah.
00:57:36Not to be, like, so deeply corny, but
00:57:50will you go to prom with me?
00:57:55Yeah.
00:58:00It's okay if I do your best.
00:58:01Yeah, yeah, of course.
00:58:04Wait, wait.
00:58:05Your real last name is Adams, right?
00:58:09Yeah.
00:58:09Why?
00:58:10Yeah, no, no, nothing.
00:58:11Just, just keep going.
00:58:23This is the best night of my life.
00:58:30Hannah?
00:58:31Frank!
00:58:32What are you doing?
00:58:33I've been looking for you all night.
00:58:35I thought you guys broke up.
00:58:36We did break up.
00:58:37No, I told you I changed colleges for you,
00:58:39and then you ran out of my house.
00:58:41Yeah, that's a breakup.
00:58:43What?
00:58:44Hannah, how could you do this to me?
00:58:46I'm in love with you.
00:58:48Because I'm gay, Greg.
00:58:49And I've always been gay.
00:58:51And I, I was too afraid to say it before,
00:58:54but I'm not afraid now.
00:58:56So, I'm sorry, but it's over.
00:58:59So, our relationship was a lie?
00:59:11Gross.
00:59:12No, Angie.
00:59:13No, I can explain.
00:59:15I want you to be my girlfriend.
00:59:17Dude, she doesn't want you here.
00:59:18Okay, why don't you just go home?
00:59:19Oh, who the fuck are you, tall boy?
00:59:21Guys, please.
00:59:22Average height.
00:59:22Jeez, look at this sweater.
00:59:24Are you getting set at a garage sale?
00:59:25What are you, a Formula One racer?
00:59:26What are you talking about?
00:59:27What the fuck?
00:59:28What I'm wearing.
00:59:29Fist, bitch.
00:59:30Get the fuck off of him.
00:59:32Hannah, Hannah, stop.
00:59:33You're going to make things worse.
00:59:34Yeah, you tell her, babe.
00:59:35I'm not afraid to hit a girl.
00:59:37You just fucking punched him.
00:59:38What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:59:40I don't do drama.
00:59:42I'll wait for you in the car.
00:59:43Oh, my God.
00:59:48Oh, my God.
00:59:48Are you okay?
00:59:49Yeah, no, it's fine.
00:59:51It's just my face.
00:59:52Oh, so now you give a shit?
00:59:54Well, take it easy, all right?
00:59:55She was telling him to leave.
00:59:56They're not together.
00:59:59Right?
01:00:00I just need him for prom.
01:00:02Are you serious?
01:00:03Jacob.
01:00:04Oh, it's...
01:00:05Just fucking start, Hannah.
01:00:08No, it's just...
01:00:09It's so predictable.
01:00:11Of course you were going to get back together with him.
01:00:14Of course.
01:00:15Well, I'm not going to apologize for having the confidence to go after what I want.
01:00:18You know, I hate to break it to you, Jess, but it's not confidence.
01:00:21It's desperation.
01:00:23Desperation?
01:00:24You want to talk about desperation?
01:00:25You're a lesbian who dated a fucking dude for a year.
01:00:28Yeah, Jess.
01:00:29But at least I didn't treat you like dog shit in the process.
01:00:32No, I guess just Greg.
01:00:34Babe, wrap it up so I can get Taco Bell.
01:00:36I'm about to hit my fasting window.
01:00:38Tacos and some lovin'.
01:00:40You're really going to let him talk to you like that?
01:00:42Just so you have a fucking date tomorrow?
01:00:46You're pathetic.
01:00:47And you know, the really sad part is that you know he doesn't care about you,
01:00:51and you still choose him.
01:00:53Because you're so fucking insecure,
01:00:56you'd do anything to make people like you.
01:01:00Well, sorry that I'd rather have one perfect night
01:01:02than stay an unfuckable reject like you.
01:01:04Oh, God.
01:01:06I'm tired of you assuming you can just treat me however you want.
01:01:22Because you know I'll always be there for you.
01:01:25Have fun at prom with Luca.
01:01:27I'm done.
01:01:28I'm done.
01:01:30Hannah!
01:01:31I'm done.
01:02:01I'm fucked.
01:02:01I'm fucked.
01:02:01I'm fucked.
01:02:01Holy shit.
01:02:26Good afternoon, Hannah.
01:02:28How'd you get in here?
01:02:29Your mom let us in.
01:02:30She gave me a cookie.
01:02:33The last cookie she'll ever give me.
01:02:36Us?
01:02:38So?
01:02:39I assume you know my date, Melissa, from the softball team.
01:02:43Hi.
01:02:43Melissa and I have been having a wonderful time so far.
01:02:46She helped me get my frisbee from the top of the garage.
01:02:49She helped me dunk my first basketball, lift me up by the shoulders, put it right in there.
01:02:53Felt like Shaq.
01:02:56I just can't seem to remember you doing anything like that.
01:02:58Okay, um, can I talk to you alone for a minute, please?
01:03:09Um, when you told my mom we broke up, you didn't, like, tell her I was gay, right?
01:03:16Of course not.
01:03:20Hannah, I'm heartbroken.
01:03:22I'm not a monster.
01:03:24I just came to pick up my car.
01:03:27I left it here last night when I went looking for you.
01:03:29I'm really sorry, Greg.
01:03:33Did you know the whole time we were dating?
01:03:38Yeah, pretty much.
01:03:39I just can't believe it.
01:03:43All those weekends watching Rachel and Finn sing their hearts out meant nothing to you.
01:03:48You're super fun to hang out with, but, like, I can't change who I am.
01:03:54Do you think I'm upset that you're gay?
01:03:57Yes.
01:03:58Hannah, I'm upset because you pretended to be in love with me.
01:04:02My entire senior year revolved around you, and you were just using me.
01:04:12If you had just told me, I would have pretended to be your boyfriend.
01:04:16Or if you didn't have the guts to do that, you should have dumped me.
01:04:21You could have at least been a decent friend.
01:04:23And just so you know, I transferred back to Stanford, so you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore.
01:04:44No!
01:04:53Oh, that's a full hit, baby!
01:05:17That's a new record, let's go!
01:05:19That's it, that's it!
01:05:22Alright, dude, you're next.
01:05:23Yeah, thank you, thank you.
01:05:24Thanks for coming, thanks for coming.
01:05:28What's up, man?
01:05:29Yo, let's do it, let's do it.
01:05:30Let's go!
01:05:31Alright, let's go.
01:05:52What's up, sourpuss?
01:05:53Want some bubbly?
01:05:54No.
01:05:55Okay, more for me.
01:05:57You know, I kind of wish we were going straight to the after party, if you know what I mean.
01:06:03I use the condom with Janine, so we don't have to.
01:06:11What?
01:06:13You should be amped, it smells great down there.
01:06:17Okay.
01:06:18Oh, I know.
01:06:19Do you want to meet my parents?
01:06:21Yeah.
01:06:22Alright.
01:06:23Let me go find my mom.
01:06:27Mom!
01:06:28Come in, Jess, you slut!
01:06:31Hey, sorry to bother you, but do you mind taking a picture of us?
01:06:36Kira's absolutely beefing the self-timer.
01:06:38It's not me, you bitch, it's Jordan's janky android.
01:06:40Just use yours.
01:06:41Please, no.
01:06:42I share an iCloud account with my parents, and I know one of you is going to flash tit.
01:06:46I can just take it on my phone and airdrop it.
01:06:48Perfect, yeah.
01:06:49I guess Ann and Karm are missing out on my nips again this year.
01:07:05I got it.
01:07:09You're an angel.
01:07:10Come take a picture with us.
01:07:11Hannah, too, obviously.
01:07:12Oh, yeah, go get her.
01:07:15No, yeah, actually, I'm going to go pick her up, but we'll meet you guys at prom, and
01:07:18you look really cute, by the way.
01:07:19You, too.
01:07:20See you there.
01:07:24Time to meet my slampies.
01:07:27Jess?
01:07:32The number you dialed is not in service.
01:07:37Fucking fountain phone.
01:07:4127 minutes.
01:07:46I'm close.
01:07:47I'm close.
01:07:49I'm close.
01:07:53I'm close.
01:07:56I'm close.
01:08:00I'm close.
01:08:01You're close.
01:08:03I'm close.
01:08:06You're close.
01:08:08But nobody's close!
01:08:10Where are you going?
01:08:11It's the top.
01:08:15Woo!
01:08:23Hannah!
01:08:24I'm a fucking idiot, okay?
01:08:26You were right!
01:08:27I was putting dudes ahead of you,
01:08:29which literally makes no sense
01:08:30because nothing could compare to our friendship.
01:08:33I won't go to prom without you!
01:08:36Hey!
01:08:38She's not here.
01:08:39Jacob.
01:08:45It's all you, doggie.
01:08:52Lucy.
01:08:58Lucy!
01:08:59Oh!
01:09:00Oh, Lucy!
01:09:01Oh, I hate you!
01:09:02I hate you!
01:09:03Oh, I hate you!
01:09:04Oh, Lucy!
01:09:05You're so crazy!
01:09:07Oh!
01:09:08Yeah!
01:09:09I love you!
01:09:10I love you!
01:09:11I love you!
01:09:12I love you!
01:09:13I love you!
01:09:14I love you!
01:09:15I love you!
01:09:24Is it hard?
01:09:25Uh, yeah, I mean, probably about as much
01:09:27as a trophy to the head.
01:09:29I'm so sorry.
01:09:30Wow.
01:09:31For everything.
01:09:33You've been so great,
01:09:34and I just keep fucking it up.
01:09:37Now, this might be my head injury talking,
01:09:39but I still like you.
01:09:42I like you too.
01:09:46But we probably shouldn't do this right now.
01:09:48Right.
01:09:49Yeah, no, you gotta figure things out with Hannah first.
01:09:52Yeah.
01:09:53And I, um...
01:09:56I should really just focus on myself for a bit.
01:09:59Make sure I'm dating for the right reasons.
01:10:01Self-awareness.
01:10:03Gross.
01:10:04Like, I don't expect you to wait for me or anything,
01:10:11but when I'm ready, you'll be the first person I called.
01:10:14Deal.
01:10:15No, it's probably for the best that we don't start dating now.
01:10:29I lent Hannah my tux for prom,
01:10:31so if you'd asked me, it would've just been this.
01:10:34Wait, Hannah went to prom?
01:10:35Yeah, she said something about meeting up with the drama club.
01:10:38What?
01:10:40Did you steal Luca's car?
01:10:42Yes, I did.
01:10:44God, that's hot.
01:10:45It's hot.
01:11:15I expected I would feel this way.
01:11:18I'd keep my head down, take it day by day.
01:11:22I'd turn those feelings off so long ago.
01:11:25Oh my God, hurry up!
01:11:26We're so late!
01:11:27I only thought it'd be impossible,
01:11:30but you could kiss me right now.
01:11:32Hey.
01:11:33Hey!
01:11:34Where's Jess?
01:11:35How should I know, Hanky?
01:11:39We're all set up backstage.
01:11:40Ready?
01:11:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:11:42Thanks, Grace.
01:11:43You're gonna see me through.
01:11:45Mmm.
01:11:46Mmm.
01:11:47You could kiss me right now.
01:11:50I don't wanna stand it.
01:11:52Good night.
01:11:53Good night.
01:11:54Good night.
01:11:55Good night.
01:11:56Hey, ho!
01:11:57Everybody, hold up one second.
01:11:58Hold up, stop dancing.
01:11:59All right, we're gonna take a quick break from the tunes
01:12:02because the student fire marshal is here to give us
01:12:04a brief safety announcement, okay?
01:12:06It's very important.
01:12:07And then after that,
01:12:08you can believe that DJ Tony Turnpike
01:12:11is gonna be back with the noise.
01:12:14The noise and the boys.
01:12:16You understand?
01:12:17That's all slang for...
01:12:18I actually don't know what it's for.
01:12:20Here you go, Hannah.
01:12:21You go ahead.
01:12:22Okay, yes.
01:12:23I'll leave you with this.
01:12:24Push the 9-11.
01:12:26Oh, no!
01:12:28Check that out.
01:12:29Hello, everybody in my grade.
01:12:40I'm sorry to say that I am not up here to provide
01:12:43safety information as the title student fire marshal
01:12:47is completely made up.
01:12:49Student fire marshal's not real?
01:12:52I was the student fire marshal.
01:12:55Okay, thank you.
01:12:56I'm actually up here tonight because I owe someone an apology.
01:13:02This person is never anything less than himself
01:13:05and taught me that I shouldn't be either.
01:13:08So, I have something I need to say.
01:13:18I'm a lesbian.
01:13:21And even though it's like really scary to admit,
01:13:26it feels way better than continuing to pretend
01:13:30I'm something I'm not.
01:13:32Why are we clapping?
01:13:43Shh.
01:13:44Now, I'm not as good a performer as he is,
01:13:47but his love language is grand gestures.
01:13:50So...
01:13:54Greg, our relationship might be over,
01:13:57but I hope we can stay friends forever.
01:14:00I love you, buddy.
01:14:04G is for a guy who loves his glee.
01:14:10R is cause a ray of sun.
01:14:14Is he...
01:14:15Guys, I'm Greg.
01:14:16She's singing about me.
01:14:18Very, very extraordinary.
01:14:22G!
01:14:24Even more of that special Greg that we adore.
01:14:28Hey, shut the fuck up.
01:14:31Hey, where have you been?
01:14:32What Hannah's doing is braver than anything
01:14:34you've ever done in your entire life.
01:14:36Okay, chill.
01:14:37I was just kidding.
01:14:38I didn't think that you two were friends anymore anyway.
01:14:40Yeah, well, you were wrong.
01:14:41She's my best friend.
01:14:42I'm just gonna be honest.
01:14:43You're kinda being a super mega bitch right now.
01:14:47We're done.
01:14:48So you're gonna spend prom alone?
01:14:51Greg!
01:14:52I'm not alone.
01:14:53I have her.
01:14:54You're not a real friend when you're in need.
01:14:57I hate swag.
01:14:58Have fun with Dykey D.
01:14:59Greg!
01:15:00You've always been right there for me.
01:15:03It's true.
01:15:04Greg!
01:15:05Thank you, Fire Marshal.
01:15:14Thank you so much.
01:15:16Very interesting announcement.
01:15:18That got a little bit weird, folks, in here.
01:15:20So let's move right on to the love
01:15:22with the first slow dance of the evening.
01:15:25If you touch anything that seems to be changing size,
01:15:28just take your hand right off it, okay?
01:15:30The most important part about the pact
01:15:33is that this is our night.
01:15:36It would be nothing without you.
01:15:39I love you.
01:15:41I love you, too.
01:15:46May I have this dance?
01:15:47Oh, I'd love nothing more.
01:15:55I'm sorry for what I said.
01:15:57I was projecting and it was wrong.
01:16:00It's okay.
01:16:02I probably shouldn't have freaked out about you and Jacob.
01:16:06If you guys really like each other,
01:16:08I'm nothing but happy for you.
01:16:10Thanks, Hans.
01:16:12But I am gonna take a break
01:16:14from serious relationships right now.
01:16:16Does that mean you're breaking up with me?
01:16:18Oh, no.
01:16:19We are more than serious, bitch.
01:16:21We are terminal.
01:16:22You are never getting rid of me.
01:16:24Ever.
01:16:25Good.
01:16:26I'm gonna go get a drink.
01:16:33Wait.
01:16:35Did you?
01:16:36Maybe.
01:16:37Hannah!
01:16:38Yeah, yeah.
01:16:39I'm fuckable reject, too.
01:16:41Oh, God.
01:16:42Yeah, okay.
01:16:43Um...
01:16:44Sorry.
01:16:45Again.
01:16:46Yeah, it was actually the greatest thing to ever happen.
01:16:47Like, she came on to me.
01:16:50As well she should.
01:16:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:16:53Okay.
01:16:54Alright.
01:16:55Well, I'm gonna...
01:16:56I'm gonna get out of your way.
01:16:57Mm-hmm.
01:17:00I love you.
01:17:01I love you.
01:17:02I love you.
01:17:03Okay.
01:17:05Okay.
01:17:14Quite a show.
01:17:16Yeah, if you don't want your back, I'm gonna start stealing your gigs.
01:17:19I'm...
01:17:20I'm...
01:17:21I'm really sorry I dragged you into my shit.
01:17:26It wasn't right.
01:17:28But I wasn't lying when I said hanging out with you was the best night of my life.
01:17:34So, now that everything's just out in the open, I just, I feel like there's one thing left
01:17:41to ask.
01:17:44Will you be my girlfriend?
01:17:46Uh...
01:17:47I...
01:17:48I don't think so.
01:17:49Huh?
01:17:50We, like, hooked up once.
01:17:52Yeah, no, I just...
01:17:53I'm...
01:17:54I mean, we were so connected.
01:17:56Yeah.
01:17:57I mean, look, I think you're great and obviously I'm attracted to you, but it's like you just
01:18:04came out to, like, the whole school in a musical number?
01:18:08Mm.
01:18:09Just feel like you have a few things to sort out, identity-wise?
01:18:12Yeah.
01:18:13Yeah, no, that, like, fully makes sense.
01:18:16Yeah, for sure.
01:18:17Do you have any queer friends?
01:18:20Well, if it's not too awkward, I'd love to be your first.
01:18:27Yeah, sure.
01:18:29Is it normal for lesbians to be friends with the people they've hooked up with?
01:18:34You have so much to learn.
01:18:39I know.
01:18:46Do you mind if I cut in?
01:18:48No, it's cool.
01:18:51Great.
01:18:52Um, great moves up there.
01:18:53Yeah.
01:18:54How's your night going?
01:18:55Really good.
01:18:56Um, but Greg, I actually have something to tell you.
01:19:01I only helped with your promposal because I wanted to spend time with you.
01:19:05And when I learned your top choice for college was Stanford, that's the only place I applied.
01:19:10One time, after gym class, I even snuck into the shower you used and collected some of your hair.
01:19:16I keep it in my locket and every so often I sniff it for good luck.
01:19:25I'm in love with you, Greg.
01:19:26You were the best banana.
01:19:27I love you too.
01:19:28I think.
01:19:29Okay.
01:19:30Okay, Greg.
01:19:31Wow.
01:19:32That's happening right now.
01:19:33Wow.
01:19:34Awesome for them.
01:19:35I'm so scared.
01:19:36Hey, how did it go with Angie?
01:19:37It's pretty bad.
01:19:38Oh no, I'm sorry.
01:19:39Are you okay?
01:19:40Yeah.
01:19:41Yeah.
01:19:42Yeah.
01:19:43Okay.
01:19:44Okay, Greg.
01:19:45Wow.
01:19:46That's happening right now.
01:19:47Wow.
01:19:48Awesome for them.
01:19:49I'm so scared.
01:19:50Hey, how did it go with Angie?
01:19:53It's pretty bad.
01:19:54Oh no, I'm sorry.
01:19:55Are you okay?
01:19:56Yeah.
01:19:57We're gonna be friends.
01:19:59That's good.
01:20:03Prom kind of sucks, right?
01:20:05Yeah, exactly.
01:20:06Yeah.
01:20:07Um, wanna get out of here?
01:20:09Fuck yeah.
01:20:11What are you thinking?
01:20:12Maps?
01:20:13Say it ain't so?
01:20:14Mmm.
01:20:17Definitely both classics, but I want something harder.
01:20:20Mmm.
01:20:21Fuck.
01:20:22What?
01:20:23I'm gonna take prom pics.
01:20:24Give me your phone.
01:20:26Come here.
01:20:33Done.
01:20:34Mmm.
01:20:35Bitch, pay attention.
01:20:36It's starting.
01:20:37Okay.
01:20:38Are you ready?
01:20:39Fuck yeah.
01:20:40Alright.
01:20:41One, two, one, two, three.
01:20:42Fuck yeah.
01:20:43Alright.
01:20:44One, two, one, two, three.
01:20:45One, two, three.
01:20:46One, two, three.
01:20:47You sit there in your heartache
01:21:05Waiting on some beautiful boy to
01:21:08To save you from your old ways
01:21:12You pay forgiveness
01:21:13Watch it now, here it comes
01:21:15It doesn't look a thing like Jesus
01:21:18But he talks like a gentleman
01:21:21Like you imagined when you were young
01:21:27Can we climb this mountain? I don't know
01:21:34Higher now than ever before
01:21:37I know we can make it if we take it slow
01:21:41Let's take it easy, easy now
01:21:44Watch it go, we're burning down the highway
01:21:47Skyline on the back of a hurricane
01:21:50That started turning when you were young
01:21:56When you were young
01:22:03And sometimes you close your eyes and see
01:22:10The place where you used to live
01:22:13When you were young
01:22:17You see the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
01:22:42You don't have to drink right now
01:22:45But you can dip your feet
01:22:49Every once in a little while
01:22:54You sit there in your heartache
01:23:17Your heartache
01:23:19Waiting on some beautiful boy to
01:23:23Save you from your old ways
01:23:27You play forgiveness
01:23:28Watch it now, here he comes
01:23:30It doesn't look a thing like Jesus
01:23:33But he talks like a gentleman
01:23:36Like you imagined when you were young
01:23:40Talks like a gentleman
01:23:43Like you imagined when you were young
01:23:48Said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
01:23:55He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
01:24:03But more than you'll ever know
01:24:09Night, oh, night, oh
01:24:19Prom night, come and me don't wanna go alone
01:24:22Night, oh, night, oh
01:24:26Prom night, come and me don't wanna go alone
01:24:29Please come to prom with me
01:24:38My hana banana
01:24:40Prom night, come and me don't wanna go alone
01:24:43Night, is it night, is it night, is it night
01:24:47Prom night, come and me don't wanna go alone
01:24:50Night, is it night, is it night, is it night
01:24:54Prom night, come and me don't wanna go alone
01:24:57One foot, two foot, three foot, dance
01:25:00Prom night come and me don't wanna go alone
01:25:04Six foot, seven foot, eight foot, dance
01:25:07Prom night come and me don't wanna go alone
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