- 4 months ago
coming of age dailymotion
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01That was great.
00:02You were magnificent.
00:04Or should I say shagnificent?
00:09Right, coursework.
00:11Yep, stew in tomorrow. Concentrate.
00:13Yep, focus.
00:30Here we are...
00:53Done.
00:54I'm a genius, aren't I, Jazza?
00:58YES!
01:00If you were German in 1945, they would have been the master ace.
01:07All right, mate. Brilliant night last night.
01:09Level 14 of Final Fantasy XII. I'm a god.
01:14What did you do?
01:15Repeatedly shag my incredibly sexy girlfriend.
01:19Level 14.
01:23I'm a sad bastard.
01:26Yes, you are. Sadder than Richard Whiteley.
01:30He's dead.
01:30Exactly. It's really sad.
01:34Done your coursework?
01:35Nah. Oh, God.
01:37It's not funny. If I fail my A-levels, I'll have to go to drama school.
01:42I've only spent three years of my life pretending to be a teapot.
01:46Think of the upsides. You'll be able to express yourself entirely through mime.
01:54What am I going to do?
01:54Go to the library now. Find a nice quiet corner and have a comfort wank.
02:03Two hands. Like you're hugging yourself.
02:07Hugging yourself off.
02:12Chloe's clever. Steal her essay and copy it up.
02:15But Chloe's my bestest buddy. We've known each other since we were four.
02:18I'm a little teapot, short answer.
02:22I'll do it.
02:25Hang on. Can't I borrow yours?
02:27Oh, certainly not.
02:29My analysis of Frankenstein is so distinctive, so subtle.
02:33And so wrong.
02:34This week's coursework's on The Tempest.
02:38What?
02:39I'm a little teapot, short answer.
02:42I'm off to the library.
02:48I need a hug.
02:55Hi, Chloe. You, uh, done your essay?
02:58Yep. It's perfect.
03:00Definitely an A.
03:01Which means Mummy and Daddy will give me another jelly cat sheep
03:03to add to my rapidly growing collection of jelly cat sheep.
03:06How many you got?
03:12I don't know.
03:13Every time I try and count them, I fall asleep.
03:16Right, let's go to college.
03:18I'll carry your coursework.
03:20No, it's fine.
03:22Um, I'm really thirsty.
03:24Could you, uh, leave the room and get me some milk?
03:27I have milk.
03:29Not milk. Sunny Delight.
03:31I have Sunny Delight, too.
03:32And Apple Tango, Coca-Cola, Sprite.
03:39Um, what's that?
03:43Sorry.
03:44I have to go wash this off now.
03:56Matthew Cobb at Criminal Mastermind.
03:58She loves me.
04:09She loves me not.
04:11She loves me.
04:12She loves me not.
04:18What?
04:20I got it off a hearse.
04:21Said Nick, so I did.
04:23I think I'm in love.
04:25With who?
04:26Skye.
04:27What, the fit bird behind the big fat minger?
04:30No, the big fat minger.
04:33Why?
04:34She's big, she's fat, and she's minging.
04:37She'd obviously be well up for it.
04:39I can't wait to stick my jam in a donut.
04:42God, I need to get laid.
04:44I'm running out of pants.
04:46I've been through five pairs today already.
04:48All you need's a big romantic gesture.
04:51Get her a rose, or some jewellery.
04:53Or shower her with chocolate.
04:55She'd be delighted to get attention from someone who isn't a waiter or a dietician.
05:00Finished it, mate.
05:01Look.
05:02Now all I have to do is pot Chloe's back, and I'm done.
05:04Go, girlfriend.
05:05It's your birthday.
05:08You can't hand this in.
05:09Why not?
05:10You've copied Chloe word for word.
05:13You'll be done for plagiarism.
05:14And it's back to...
05:16More tea, Vicar.
05:19Oh, God, what am I going to do?
05:20I've got to hand this in in an hour and...
05:22Never fear.
05:23Vicar is here.
05:24Give Chloe's to me.
05:26Here.
05:29You, genius.
05:31I'll mention it.
05:33Guys, my coursework.
05:34Have any of you seen my coursework?
05:36No.
05:38I'm so depressed.
05:40Oh, sweetheart.
05:41Here, have some flails.
05:46And I've been asked to remind you that the new fire assembly point is the grass outside the swimming pool.
05:51This is to allow the fire brigade easier access to the science block,
05:54so they can get their hoses out faster and put the fire out quicker,
05:58like a beautiful woman being rapidly satisfied by a succession of long, flexible, rubber cocks.
06:10Horsework it as you go, please.
06:19It's not my best work.
06:21This is unreadable.
06:23It's just a scroll.
06:25I need an extension.
06:27Why?
06:27Women's problems.
06:31I've been feeling really sad.
06:36I'm really angry.
06:39But mostly sad.
06:42I'm sorry.
06:44Chaz.
06:45You hate me because I'm a woman.
06:50Go for Tuesday morning.
06:51Thank you, nice man.
06:53I couldn't do it.
06:58I need an extension.
06:59Why?
07:00Men's problems.
07:03Men's problems?
07:04That's right.
07:04It's my time of the month.
07:06What?
07:07I've been bleeding out of my knob.
07:10Honest.
07:10I've had to cut the rubber off a pencil and plug it in my japsite.
07:14It's really painful.
07:15That's ridiculous.
07:17And I've been feeling sad.
07:20That's not an excuse.
07:22Why not?
07:22It worked for her.
07:23Yes, but she's a girl.
07:25So?
07:25She hasn't got women's problems.
07:27Yes, I have.
07:31Rubbish.
07:32She let me shag her last night.
07:34And I did not get ketchup on my sausage.
07:37He's lying.
07:38All right, stop it, you two.
07:40Look, you'd both better just hand in whatever you've done.
07:42Ha!
07:47I haven't done it, mate.
07:48Why not?
07:49I can't write.
07:50How did you do that?
07:51Blanking.
07:54What about the other hand?
07:55Blanking.
07:57Did you produce anything at all last night?
07:59Hmm.
08:04Right, Rubbish, swiftly on.
08:07Mr Dixon, sir.
08:08Ah.
08:09Well done, Matthew.
08:13This is your essay?
08:14My original's gone missing.
08:16I think someone might have taken it.
08:17Oh, come on, Chloe.
08:19I hear that every lesson.
08:20That and Mr Dixon, please stop touching me.
08:24Um, can I look through the others to check it's not there?
08:27I'm sorry, Chloe.
08:28Please.
08:29I'll love you forever.
08:31Will you, indeed?
08:32I tell you what, why don't we meet here after college
08:35and we can go through the essays together?
08:37Oh, thanks.
08:38Just you and me, we can have a one-on-one session.
08:42You know, a one-on-one session.
08:45As in, a one-on-one session.
08:49Great.
08:50Perhaps whilst taking our clothes off.
08:52Or maybe not.
08:53All we wanna do is dance.
09:14That should be...
09:14what the hell is your problem i'm showering you with chocolate i thought we might find it a turn
09:37on what do you say fancy a game of paul the purple party popper you'll have to do something incredible
09:50to win her back you mean do a rap a rap yeah i'm an excellent rapper yo yo ladies mr k is in the house
09:59my name is dk i'm on your bandwidth i'm excellent at making the sandwich my name is dk i like to
10:06recycle and i'm adept at riding the bicycle so listen up baby it's time to take stock because dk's
10:10here the sharpest rapture on the block gin up honey get your party frock on because dk's in town and
10:14he's got something you can suck on balamori and you think that's gonna get sky into bed i've got to
10:25stop thinking about sex you bastard i got a d for my coursework thanks to you so did i anyway it's not
10:32my fault you were the one that kept turning me on with the hair you were the one that kept turning
10:37me on with the fingers you were the one that kept turning me on with the tongue yeah well you were
10:43I'm the one that kept turning me on with the willy.
10:46Oh, Ollie. Ollie, plough me like a meadow.
10:51It's not my fault it takes you two and a half hours to climax.
10:57I know how I'm going to get an A.
10:59I'm going to bribe Simon Dixon with my body.
11:02You can't do that.
11:03Watch me. I'm going to go around there now and toss him to kingdom come.
11:09Literally.
11:11Right, that's it.
11:13Where are you going?
11:13I've just got to change up your pants.
11:18I've looked everywhere, Matt, and I just can't find my essay.
11:20That's terrible. God knows what's happened to it.
11:23It's a mystery. Like, why fat people wear lycra.
11:27Mummy and Daddy were so furious, they took away all my jelly cat sheep.
11:33Oh, Chloe.
11:34It's not fair. If I don't get into uni, I'll have to stay at home forever,
11:38till one day I won't be able to stand it any longer,
11:40and I'll have to join the circus to get away.
11:42And it'll be nice for a week or so, being around exotic animals,
11:45then one day they'll need a stand-in for the human cannonball
11:47who's in bed with a bit of a sniffle,
11:48and I'll get shot into a brick wall and die.
11:52Possibly.
11:54Maybe someone stole it.
11:56Nah, that would never happen.
11:57I'm going to go to that classroom and look through the essays myself.
12:00Are you sure that's a good plan?
12:02Yeah. I'm going to find out who did it and do this to them.
12:05Oh.
12:06Oh, sorry.
12:09All we want to do is, all we want to do is, all we want to do is, uh-oh.
12:13Bum-ta, bum-ta, bum-ta, bum-ta.
12:16Hey, babe, a bloater like you must have knickers with room for two
12:19to ditch the cake and take the plunge
12:21and lick the cream off my love sponge.
12:23You know you want to take me, then, you know I'll drive you crazy.
12:25Take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, honey.
12:27I'll give you money.
12:28Bala Mori.
12:29You don't have to be here.
12:42I do. I definitely do.
12:44You aren't the best friend I've ever had.
12:48Listen, Chloe.
12:52Oh, there's someone coming.
12:54What?
12:54Oh, this will be worse than the time my dad caught me being naughty with a Barbie doll.
12:57It was so embarrassing because it was Saturday and Toys R Us was packed.
13:13You are hot.
13:17You're hotter than a room full of schoolgirls soaping their breasts.
13:23I know. How about an A for my coursework?
13:26Oh, I can't do that.
13:27Please.
13:29Just one A.
13:31Just one little A.
13:34Just one little A for my coursework.
13:37Ah, the Herald Rules.
13:39That's a shame.
13:40Because if you gave me an A,
13:42I'd give you a B-lo-jar.
13:46And A it is.
13:49The best essay I've ever read.
13:53Oh, my God.
13:54Excellent. Absolutely excellent.
14:00Sorry.
14:01Right, Mr Dixon.
14:02All our coursework must be moderated by an external examiner.
14:06Would you like me to externally examine you?
14:08Yes, I would.
14:15What the hell's going on?
14:17Ollie!
14:17I said I forbid you, Jazz.
14:19And I said I'd do what the hell I like.
14:21Right.
14:22You bastard.
14:23We're sorting this out man to man.
14:24Oliver.
14:25If you ever go anywhere near my girlfriend again,
14:28I'll...
14:28I'll...
14:30bloody fist you!
14:36What?
14:37You heard.
14:38I'll have you against the wall
14:39and I'll fist the shit out of you.
14:41You understand?
14:43Yes.
14:43Yes, I do.
14:44While I'm here, how about an A for my essay?
14:46Sure.
14:46Whatever you say.
14:47Good chap.
14:48And just remember,
14:50I'm a black belt in feng shui.
14:53So if you lay a finger on my woman again,
14:56I'll not only deck your face,
14:58I'll rearrange the furniture while I'm at it, eh?
15:01You have been warned.
15:03X!
15:13F's, I think.
15:18Oh, God.
15:20I'm so sorry, Chloe.
15:21We'll never find out who stole your essay now.
15:23What a horrible gentleman he is.
15:26Don't worry, Chloe.
15:27If he'd caught us, I'd protected you.
15:29Would you have fisted him for me, Matt?
15:32Chloe, I'd fist anyone for you.
15:43Tell Jasmine I'm not speaking to her.
15:45Ollie says he's not speaking to you.
15:47Tell Ollie I'm not speaking to him.
15:49Jazz says she's not speaking to you.
15:50Tell Jazz I don't care.
15:52Ollie says he doesn't care if you show me your tits.
15:57I am not showing you my tits.
16:00Jazz says she's going to show me your tits.
16:02Shut up!
16:03Please, can I have a tit rank?
16:07This is stupid.
16:09I'm not having my life ruled by you, Oliver Sinclair.
16:12I've had enough.
16:13We need time apart.
16:15Oh, sweetheart.
16:16Well, that's so sad.
16:18Come here.
16:20Bum, tum!
16:21Waaay!
16:21Ow!
16:26I'm in there.
16:28Oh, mate.
16:29The rap is a total disaster.
16:31I need to find another way to ensnare Sky in my sticky web of sex.
16:34It's not romantic.
16:37Breakdancing.
16:40Oh, God.
16:41What am I going to do about Jasmine?
16:43You just need to get yourself another honey as quickly as possible.
16:46It's not a bad idea.
16:47Thanks, mate.
16:48I'm good at giving advice.
16:49I'm just like Jeremy Kyle, but without the wit and charisma.
16:54Actually, I'm just like Jeremy Kyle.
16:55If Jasmine thinks I'm going out with someone else, she'll get all jealous and come back
17:01to me.
17:02But who?
17:03No, you ain't going to get anybody fit at such, you'll notice.
17:06It's going to have to be somebody desperate.
17:07Somebody fat and probably ginger.
17:11Somebody like...
17:12Sky.
17:13No, mate.
17:13She's mine.
17:14Not anymore.
17:15We're on the scene.
17:21We know the rules.
17:23We're super cool.
17:26Hey, babe.
17:27I bet you I've never seen moves like this before.
17:32Oh, yeah.
17:35Oh, yeah.
17:41Oh, yeah.
17:4524 hours ago, all I cared about was my stupid coursework, and now I've found something more.
18:07It's nice to know you're always there for me.
18:08Yeah, that's right.
18:09All right, Peaks.
18:16Darren!
18:16I love you guys, too.
18:21The breakdance didn't go very well at all.
18:24Look.
18:28I need to find another way to woo, Sky.
18:31What about a love poem?
18:32Yeah, and if you want to be super classy, you could type it into Google Translate and perform
18:36it in a romantic foreign language, like French or Italian.
18:39Cibela LaGazza.
18:41Yeah.
18:41Or German.
18:43Jawohl, mein Fuhrer.
18:45Heil Hitler.
18:49Sorry, did you ever find out about your missing essay?
18:52No.
18:53Why?
18:54Do you know something about it?
18:55Sorry, sweetheart.
18:56Not a thing.
18:57Man nicked it out of your room and I tore it up.
19:00It was well funny.
19:04Darren!
19:05Whoops.
19:09You naughty, Matt.
19:11You greatly flippin' naughty.
19:14I was desperate, Chloe.
19:16I don't want to fail my A-levels.
19:17What about me?
19:18I don't want to end up getting shot out of a cannon.
19:21No.
19:22Yeah.
19:22I'm sorry, Chloe, but the essays have been taken in.
19:24There's nothing I can do about it.
19:26You could speak to Simon.
19:27I can't.
19:28Why not?
19:29Because I'm losing my voice.
19:32I thought we were friends, Matt.
19:34I thought we were maybe even more than that.
19:37I've been in a cupboard with you.
19:40Listen, Chloe.
19:41Stealing your essay was completely and totally wrong, but I need you to understand that I did it for you.
19:48Aww.
19:49Don't you didn't!
19:51No, I didn't, but it was worth a try, eh?
19:53You naughty!
19:54I can't believe Olly went off with that big, fat bitch.
20:03Such an overreaction.
20:05He's only going to suck off an English teacher.
20:07I can't believe Matt would steal my essay.
20:11I feel abused by Amy Winehouse's liver.
20:16Still, at least I got an A.
20:18Actually, no, he changed it to an F after you left.
20:21Bastard.
20:22What are we going to do?
20:23In my experience, when you're feeling low, there's only one thing that can cheer you up.
20:27Yeah, a good hard shag.
20:29But I can't have that, because my boyfriend's poking a bloater.
20:34I was thinking more along the lines of...
20:37Mr. Sock!
20:39Shagging Mr. Sock?
20:41It's like Mika.
20:42He hasn't got a willy.
20:44He can cheer you up in other ways.
20:47That's right, Miss Jasmine.
20:48With a smile and a sock.
20:50I'm Mr. Sock here to make your hat clothes.
20:53No offence, but...
20:55You've killed him!
21:01But never mind, he has a brother.
21:06What we need is revenge.
21:08Yeah, let's kick the shit out of them!
21:10Meet me in the swimming pool at four o'clock.
21:21To repay for the A, I'm going to give you an E-rection.
21:27And make you E-jaculate.
21:30All over my F...
21:33Tits.
21:36All we wanna do is...
21:37All we wanna do is...
21:38All we wanna do is...
21:40Love me, love me.
21:42All we wanna do is...
21:43All we wanna do is...
21:44All we wanna do is...
21:46Put this on.
21:48My God, what are you planning?
21:49I'm just gonna pop something over your mouth.
21:54Ooh, kinky.
21:55Kinky.
22:19Go, kinky.
22:37Juck.
22:39Juck.
22:44Oh, my God.
23:14Oh, my God.
23:44Oh, my God.
24:14In their college swimming pool.
24:17Brilliant, isn't it?
24:18That'll teach you to go off with that sky thing.
24:21But I only did that because you went off with that Simon thing.
24:23Then how'd you get her to kiss you like that?
24:25She's a fat bird, Jazz.
24:28They'll do anything for a sticky bun.
24:32I thought that if you swore us together, it'd make you jealous and you'd come back to me.
24:39I'm sorry.
24:40I didn't mean to hurt you.
24:41I love you.
24:47I love you, too.
24:55I'll never look at another bloke again.
24:57Hi, guys.
24:59I'm Jason.
25:00I'm here to cover for Simon Dixon.
25:03Hi, Jason.
25:04I'm Jack.
25:06I'm a very dedicated student.
25:09I'm sure you are, sweetheart.
25:11What about this young man?
25:12I hear you're very into fisting.
25:19Hi, Chloe.
25:20Hi, Matt.
25:21I'm sorry I got you arrested.
25:24I'm sorry you didn't get your grade, eh?
25:27But I've got you a present.
25:28Oh, thanks, Matt.
25:32I haven't got that one.
25:36Mates?
25:37Mates.
25:38You do know the economics coursework's in today?
25:41It's all right.
25:41I've learnt my lesson.
25:42I'm never going to steal an essay ever again.
25:44Excellent.
25:45I'll make her some toast.
25:52Matthew Colbert, criminal mastermind.
25:55Leave it.
25:58Skye!
26:04Skye!
26:05I've got you a pie.
26:18Rosen sind rot.
26:20Du bist sehr fat.
26:24Mich nach innen einladen
26:26und ich leck deinen Twat.
26:33Oh, das ist so romantisch.
26:38Ich muss dich halben einwacken.
26:40I made myself look great and Matt called me a woman.
27:00Isn't it obvious?
27:03You must be gay.
27:06Is there anything you want to tell me?
27:10Actually, so.
27:11There is.
27:11All we want to do is dance.
27:21All we want to do is dance
27:31All we want to do is dance
27:36All we want to do is dance
27:38What's your name?
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