- 11 months ago
Fully rendered Max Payne is... weird.
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00:00Hello all of you beautiful people, Jules here for WhatCulture.com and today I'm going to talk to you
00:04about the wonders that are unlockable skins. What's that? In this day and age you don't know
00:10what an unlockable is? Well, believe it or not kids, there was once a time in the long,
00:14long ago where you used to have secrets and extra features hidden on a game's disc that you could
00:19actually access through skill or persevering through challenges. I know, it seems absolutely
00:24mad to not have to pay for something like this, right? Well fear not, because we're going to
00:29take that disbelief that I see written all over your faces and push it even further by talking
00:33about unlockable costumes that are honestly bizarre. From crabby canines to voluptuous velociraptors,
00:39we're going to air into the world of the strange and look at some skins that really make you question
00:44what the developers were huffing. So come gather round you meat sacks, as I'm Jules, this is
00:48WhatCulture.com and these are 10 video game skins that you won't believe that you can unlock.
00:5310. Baseball Fury's outfit, The Warriors
00:57We begin this list with what is essentially a bit of fan service to lovers of the amazingly cheesy
01:02but brilliant film that makes my bottles clack with joy, The Warriors. This film and its amazing
01:08video game adaptation that was handled by Rockstar by the way is a vibrant, quotable and downright
01:14bopping time. And that is down in part to the incredibly colourful array of gangs that can be
01:19found. The Turnbull ACs, the Mimes, the Punks, and my personal favourite of all, the Baseball
01:24Furies, whose skin you could don should you complete the game 100% on the hardest setting
01:30and then select the Unleash the Fury mode. This now posits you in a painted outfit of the Silent
01:36Furies and allows you to run rampant all over the city. However, that is not the only bonus,
01:41for if you reach the chapter in which the Warriors come toe-to-toe with this gang,
01:45they've all been replaced with warrior models, meaning that you're effectively inside a parallel
01:49universe. Now that I can dig.
01:529. David Hasselhoff, South Park, The Stick of Truth
01:55It's honestly amazing to see how well Stick of Truth transitioned all of the style, the writing,
02:01and most importantly the bizarre humour from the South Park show to its game. I reckon that many
02:06people were worried that the jokes would fall flat or risk being censored, but then again after
02:11farting on a dead Nazi baby, I think these fears were laid to rest.
02:15One of the lesser talked about moments though was a skin that you could unlock for your character
02:19by visiting the plastic surgeon in the town and selecting the Hoff from the list of procedures.
02:24Now I won't lie, it is a pricey investment both in terms of cash and the very likely painful
02:29surgical procedure, but it is absolutely worth it to see those radiant locks of hair and perfect
02:35cheekbones once you step back out. There's really no benefit to this other than an achievement
02:39that's tied to completing the game looking like the Knight Rider star, but then again,
02:43when else are you going to get this opportunity again?
02:468. Crab Dog, Rule of Rose
02:49As a fan of survival horror games, my interest was definitely piqued when I was told of a title
02:54called Rule of Rose, a game that dropped onto the PS2 that unfortunately I never got to play
02:59because it was actually banned in the UK for apparently a mistake that was made with what
03:04the game's content included. After researching it for this list, I can only say that I'm gutted that I
03:08didn't get the chance to play what appears to be, I don't know, what you'd call an art house
03:13psychological thriller that sees protagonist Jennifer and her dog Brown trying to survive
03:18all sorts of imps and terrors that's set against a World War II backdrop. Its narrative is utterly
03:24bananas as well, being rewritten as events unfold and Jennifer's memory returns, meaning that she
03:29actually changes the environments and interactions to suit this new information. The combat is equally
03:35odd. I say that because enemies are hard to hit and fighting is pretty clumsy, almost like you're
03:40trying to grab a slippery fish, which actually kind of makes sense seeing as you can dress up
03:44Jennifer as a giant octopus through one of the unlockable skins. Yet who cares about the human
03:49in this situation because Brown becomes a crab. I honestly don't know what else I need to say other
03:55than that your dog companion becomes a crab, who follows you around and helps you out in battle
04:01with its little pincers. Utterly brilliant.
04:047. Alien Suit Dead or Alive
04:07How can I make a list about odd video game skins and not include this absolute assault on the eyes
04:13and utter fashion crime that is Zack's alternate outfit in the Dead or Alive series? I simply couldn't,
04:19and so here it is in all its shiny and wiggly glory. Now we're all aware that Zack is a bit of a
04:25character with an overabundance of sass and a huge penchant for getting busty women to his island to
04:30play volleyball, which have a nasty habit of exploding for some reason. Yet while that explains
04:36the chrome as it's louder than life, it doesn't explain the, um, floppy extension that takes up
04:42residence on his forehead. This is just totally weird, making him look like some sort of lost
04:46Teletubby character who was axed because the kid started telling parents that a muscled man was
04:50trying to kick the head off Poe and make Tinky Winky self-conscious. The devs were clearly aware
04:55of this odd skin's reception and even included a little moment where Zack's, um, member is sliced
05:01off in a later title. It's a hilarious and utterly outlandish outfit and I simply adore it.
05:066. Classic Max Payne Max Payne 3
05:10Now I know this next one is cheating a little as you do have to pay a whopping 49 pence for this
05:16skin, but for the cost of a Mars bar I totally think it's worth sharing this joy with you all
05:21today. Now if there's one thing that you can say about the original Max Payne it's that this was
05:25one of the innovators of bullet time violence and offered players a stark and sobering tale of gritty
05:31revenge. You could also say that the lead Max had a face that looked like a cat's anus.
05:35As the game was much more focused on the action and slow motion stunt diving, it appears that not as
05:40much love was given to Max's face, which became a hugely parodied moment across the internet.
05:46So much so that when Rockstar came to resurrect the series, they included this flat-faced,
05:50squinty-eyed mug as a DLC skin. And trust me, you are never going to laugh as much as you will
05:55watching the single-player cutscenes play out with this ridiculous face delivering the lines.
06:00Especially when he smiles.
06:025. Panda Costume Onimusha Warlords
06:07Oh me, oh my, it's time to talk about a game that doesn't get nearly enough love in this day and age
06:13Onimusha Warlords. This survival horror slash-em-up combined the over-the-top drama of the Resident
06:18Evil series and borrowed its tank controls for good measure. The big difference here though was that
06:23you were able to dish out as much punishment as you took, making for tactical and often very tense
06:28sword fights. However, let's say things got a bit too intense, that all these zombies and nasty
06:34horrible ogres were starting to make your trousers leak. Well, why not alleviate this fear by putting
06:38Samunuske, the main protagonist of the game, inside a massive panda suit? And if that's not enough for
06:44you, then look at the little panda cub in his front pouch, which claps along at all the violence you
06:48end up causing. It's adorable and silly in equal measure, and to be honest, I found a new sense of
06:53purpose with this costume, because now I wanted nothing more than to keep my little Tamargo safe,
06:58and yes, that is right, I named it, and I will cut you up if you make fun of me for it.
07:02Sorry about that. Finally, as an even greater incentive to use the suit, you can hold L2,
07:07which makes him Don the Panda Head. Excellent.
07:114. Numerous Costumes God of War Franchise
07:14If there is one person who you do not want to be caught laughing at, it is Kratos, the literal god
07:20of war from the aptly titled Angry Father series of video games for the PlayStation, and yet, for some
07:26reason, possibly to try and round out the character a little, the devs had hidden a ton of unlockable
07:31costumes in the God of War games. Such amazing attire changes include Kratos cooking up a storm
07:36as a chef, donning a scaly suit of armour as a massive fish, and even a potato. Yeah, that one's
07:42probably the weirdest one, right? Yet, if you're looking for my personal favourite, then it has to
07:46be what is lovingly described in the game as Dairy Bastard, which sees the angriest bold man on the planet,
07:52outside of myself when someone eats all the vital eyes at work, slip into the utterly wonderful
07:57guise of a cow. And along with this comedic presentation gets the bonuses of infinite
08:01magic and double the amount of orbs collected in the game. True, you will end up doing half
08:06the damage as normal, but that just gives you more time to marvel at the image of this man
08:10who's on a quest for vengeance doing so as a cuddly cow. Very, very amusing.
08:163. Cheerleader Outfit Killer Instinct
08:19Did someone order a sexy raptor? No? Anyone? Well, okay, I've got one here regardless.
08:25I honestly don't know what to say other than at some point someone who worked on the Killer
08:30Instinct reboot of 2013 decided that Riptor, a genetically engineered dinosaur made by a super
08:35shady corporation called Ultratech as a biological weapon, would look absolutely spiffing in a
08:41cheerleader's outfit. Now don't get me wrong, go local sports team and all that, but this is such
08:46a sight to behold that's almost baffling. My only reasoning behind this outfit is that A,
08:50it could have been an extremely clever approach to the mind game of combat, you know, putting your
08:54opponent off with your pom-poms as it were before slicing out their neck, and slash or B, that this
09:00is the internet and it was just made because people have some very, very strange sexual appetites.
09:052. A Real Pair of Boxer Shorts
09:07Clayfighter 63 and a Third
09:10So, I know I bent my rules slightly earlier on in this list with the fudge-faced Max Payne entry,
09:15but I'm going to do so again and invert the rule, as this next entry details an item of clothing that
09:20was unlocked by playing a game, but in real life. Now attending gaming conventions and getting a hat
09:26or a t-shirt is pretty commonplace in this day and age, but when was the last time that you were
09:30offered a legit pair of boxer shorts for competing in an event? Well that's exactly the promotion that
09:36was run for Clayfighter 63 and a Third, an N64 game that combined claymation and violence in a way
09:42that no one had seen or known they so badly wanted before. And look at these undercrackers, I mean
09:47these should be in an art museum, featuring a pristine white cotton base with elasticated waste and
09:53tons of the roster all plastered over. I mean the game itself might have middled in the
09:57it's kinda fun for about 30 minutes with a make category, but these rare beauties? Well put it this
10:02way, I eBayed them to see if there were still any available. That is how good I think they are.
10:07And number one, Paradise Mode, Ghost Squad. The transition of light gun games from the arcades
10:13to the home console was never really something that was truly capitalised on, outside of the Wii
10:18getting very into them very late in the day. And it's a shame as well because many absolutely
10:22brilliant titles like Time Crisis and The Lord Upon High That Was Point Blank have all now seemingly
10:28faded away. However, in amongst all of these gems is another shiny example of the silly,
10:33and that is Ghost Squad. A title that on paper seems about as run of the mill as you can get,
10:38being a military shooter tasking you and your highly trained team with taking out terrorists
10:42threatening peace and freedom. Sounds a bit boring right? Well what if I told you that this game also
10:47includes a secret mode called Paradise Mode, which turns the terrorists into bikini clad women and now
10:54your guns are turned into water pistols? That is something that I genuinely didn't see coming when
10:59I first booted up the game. And to be honest I could have totally done without their pleasure
11:03moaning when you kill them, but as it stands for a bit of stupid fun, it's a bizarre and comedic feature
11:08of a pretty well made FPS title. Plus it gives all of that melodramatic voice acting that your commander
11:14gives you that much more of a ridiculous edge. And there we go, those were 10 video game skins that you
11:20won't believe that you can unlock. I hope that you enjoyed that my friends, it's just a bit of a silly
11:24list from me to you to try and brighten up your day with a Tesco brand comedy entertainment that
11:29I provide. Let me know down below what you thought about it, as well as any other entries that you
11:32would add to this list for a future one, because I might come back and do a commenter's edition.
11:36But before I go, I just have one more thing to say. We talked a lot today about video game skins,
11:41and I hope that you are comfortable in yours. It's quite common for people to put on a brave face when things
11:46aren't going their way. But I just want to say to you that it is okay to ask for help if you need it.
11:52I know it's a very difficult conversation to have with a few people, but opening that dialogue might
11:56allow you to look at your problems in a different way. And who knows, that new perspective and new
12:00found energy might help you get there quicker.
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