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FunTranscript
00:00Professor, it's so exciting. For 3,000 years, Tuduncancetta Moon lay buried in the Valley of the Kings, and now he's ours.
00:24Oh, yes, Dr. Vanderweel. We'll be the envy of the ancient culture's consortium. This mummy is guaranteed to put us in the big leagues. Ah, the scepter of Waz. Only the pharaoh, the one who rules the world, possesses this great symbol of power.
00:42Whoa! Cool! Is that him? Tuduncancetta Moon? Greatest pharaoh of all time, warrior, king, leader, ruler of the ancient world!
00:56I appreciate your enthusiasm, Cleo, but if you don't mind, we're busy here.
01:04Hold up, Professor. You're setting up this tomb all wrong. The scepter should be next to the sarcophagus.
01:10Tud's sacred objects have to be arranged just right. If not, he could get into major trouble in the afterlife.
01:16Cleo, when I promised your mother I'd let you help out around here, I didn't say you could run the place.
01:21Oh, look at the time. Isn't it your dinner time? Good night, Cleo.
01:26Later.
01:31There. Perfect. Come, Roxanne. We have a very busy day tomorrow.
01:37Jacobs!
01:39What?
01:40Lights?
01:41Um, what about them?
01:42Turn them off, you ninny!
01:44Oh, my God.
02:14I knew I was right, Luxor.
02:18Professor Bedetti is such a pain.
02:31Luxor, you okay?
02:37Where are you going?
02:41Crazy cat?
02:44Luxor, come back!
02:54I don't believe this guy.
03:13There. Now that's a tomb.
03:24Freaky.
03:26Amazing, isn't it?
03:30Luxor, you... you can talk?
03:33Why, yes, apparently so.
03:37It just came to me in a flash.
03:40Like my ancestors before me, I must stand by my pharaoh.
03:45Pharaoh? Who's your pharaoh?
03:47King Tutankensetamun!
03:49Tonight, he will return and I will take my royal place beside the rightful ruler over all the known world.
03:57I definitely need to check the label on your catnip.
04:00Tutankensetamun!
04:15Tutankensetamun!
04:17My master!
04:19My pharaoh!
04:20My king!
04:32It's alive!
04:35It's alive!
04:35It's alive!
04:39It's alive!
04:40It's... it's a kid?
04:46Glad to meet you. Where's the bathroom? I really gotta go.
04:49Oh, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
04:51Ha-
04:52Ha-
04:52Ha-
04:53Ha-
05:04Ha-
05:15Ha-
05:16Ha-
05:18Ha-
05:19Ha-
05:20ha-
06:21I feel so relieved, so refreshed, so rested.
06:25Yet strangely, at the same time, I feel so... completely dead.
06:29Technically, you are dead, sire.
06:31You're a mummy.
06:33Hmm.
06:33Ah, that would explain the rotting bandages, the decaying flesh, the hollow, vacant eyes.
06:44Gruesome, but impressive.
06:45I like it.
06:47Ah, I am glad, your ghastliness, for the gods have seen fit to select me, Luxor, as your loyal advisor and protector.
06:56Excellent.
06:57Talking cat.
06:58Always wanted one.
06:59So tell me, faithful one, who in the underworld is this?
07:05Uh, hi.
07:06I'm Cleo.
07:07Cleo Carter.
07:07I think I brought you back to life.
07:10Ah, the pharaoh thanks you.
07:11Luxor, reward her.
07:13Uh, certainly, sire.
07:15I'll make a note of that.
07:16You know, you look a lot shorter than your picture.
07:24Younger, too.
07:26Alas, my life was tragically cut short.
07:29Being pharaoh can be hazardous to your health.
07:32What's that?
07:37My stomach growling.
07:38I haven't had a bite.
07:40In ages.
07:41Hey, quiet down in there.
07:42We have company.
07:43Wow, I knew they used to stuff mummy's organs in jars, but seeing it is a whole different experience.
07:50You should see my spleen.
07:52Perhaps later.
07:55You know, you're a real monster.
07:58Like Frankenstein.
07:59Yeah, yeah, you're, you're, you're Tenstein.
08:04I am king to Duncan Setamun, the all-powerful, the all-knowing, the ruler of all that I see.
08:12And modest, too.
08:16Come, come, we have much to do.
08:19I must greet the people of my kingdom and allow them to bask in my glory.
08:25Do not concern yourself with getting my chariot.
08:28I will walk.
08:29Like this.
08:30Is this kid for real?
08:31Yes, the gate has opened.
09:00Someone has tampered with forces from beyond.
09:06And this is good.
09:09Yes, oh, glorious set.
09:11God of chaos, destruction, and disorder.
09:15And not only that, ladies.
09:18He's a Pisces.
09:19Quiet!
09:21The scepter of was will soon be mine.
09:25With it, I can ascend to my rightful place as ruler of the underworld and the underworld.
09:32The gate is not wide enough for me to pass through, but the scepter will change all that.
09:40Ah, maybe you should go on a diet.
09:43You know, fewer carbs, more protein.
09:49Just a thought.
09:51Never mind.
09:52Gesser, second, go forth and bring me the scepter so that I can achieve my destiny.
09:59It shall be done.
10:01Oh, wonder is set.
10:03And remember, do not fail me.
10:06There are no second chances.
10:08Ever.
10:09Sheesh.
10:10What side of the pit did he get apart?
10:15Ah, it feels good to be alive.
10:18So to speak.
10:19You know, Tatenstein, it might be just a bit too soon for you to go out into the world.
10:24Nonsense!
10:25I am Pharaoh!
10:26I rule everything I see.
10:35Glory be to Isis!
10:37What happened to my kingdom?
10:38The pyramids look very, very odd.
10:42And the barges, they move like lightning.
10:45What manner of demon trickery is this?
10:47I am not in Egypt anymore.
10:52Reality check, Tut.
10:53Things have changed a little since your nap.
10:56Like there's cars, malls, mini-marts, green ketchup, tofu jerky, the internet.
11:01A civilization has moved on in your absence, sire.
11:04Well, of course it has, Luxor.
11:06My empire has become greater.
11:08For I am Pharaoh.
11:10I am ruler.
11:11I am all that is.
11:12Yeah, you're all that all right, Tatenstein.
11:14Whatever that is, you're full up.
11:17My people are pleased to see me.
11:22Pharaoh, your reign is over.
11:27Cleo, I hereby appoint you my official bodyguard.
11:31I am so honored.
11:32I just don't know what to say.
11:34Except maybe...
11:36Help!
11:45You are perhaps the worst bodyguard I've ever had.
11:49You know those chuckleheads?
11:53The Kessim and Sekim are not chuckleheads.
11:56They are two of the most treacherous demon warriors from the pits of the underworld.
12:01But they are not my biggest problem.
12:03Their master, Set, cannot be far behind.
12:06Oh, not Set.
12:08Yes, Set.
12:09The god of chaos and disorder.
12:11His evil is all-encompassing.
12:13His wickedness, legendary.
12:15Sire, you know such interesting people.
12:19Two tokens to the moon.
12:21Give us what the glorious Set wants.
12:23The scepter of Waz.
12:25Only the true ruler of the world possesses the scepter.
12:29And the Waz is mine.
12:32Ha!
12:32The Waz was yours.
12:37Taxi!
12:38We will be fine, T.O.
12:54I will simply call on my royal vizios, my magicians, and my army to help us with these demons.
12:59Hello?
13:00Your boys didn't exactly make the trip with you.
13:04Well, uh, what?
13:08There is nothing to worry about.
13:12I have a plan.
13:14Great?
13:14Go for it.
13:15Driver, make this chariot soar like a falcon.
13:19So says the pharaoh.
13:22That's your plan.
13:23Taxis can't fly.
13:24Are you demented?
13:25Are you demented?
13:38Ah, I knew you could do it, sire.
13:40You are my hero, my pharaoh, my king.
13:45He didn't do anything.
13:47You know, Tut, you're not exactly living up to your legend of power and courage.
13:52Uh, give the pharaoh a chance, Cleo.
13:54He's just getting started.
13:56Yeah, well, I'm about finished.
13:58We should figure out a way to send him back where he came from.
14:01Hey!
14:02Wait a minute.
14:03When I awoke, perhaps some sort of gate to the underworld opened.
14:08Then we've got to figure out how to close it.
14:12Well, and sooner would be a lot better than later.
14:14I'm guessing this can't be good.
14:39Usually the unholy howling of condemned souls and the gnashing of teeth is a really, really bad sign.
14:44This is it.
14:45The gate between the underworld and the overworld.
14:50That's how the jackals got here.
14:52And if they can get through, then so can Set.
14:57The god of chaos and disorder is more horrible than you can imagine.
15:02Thousands of years ago, he ambushed his own brother Osiris,
15:06tossed him in the Nile, and cut his body into lots of little tiny pieces.
15:11Yep.
15:12He's a major bad guy, all right, Tut.
15:14And now he wants you.
15:16I'm sure you can handle him, sire.
15:18You're Pharaoh.
15:19You will protect us all, won't you?
15:23You know...
15:25I'll leave him alone, Lux.
15:26Maybe he's not the great Pharaoh we thought he was.
15:30Now hold on to your shirts!
15:31As long as I hold the Scepter of Waz, I rule the world.
15:36And I rule that Set will stay in the pits of the underworld.
15:41So says the Pharaoh.
15:48There is only one thing to do.
15:50Yes, sire?
15:51Close the gate, Luxor!
15:53Me?
15:53What was that?
16:02I should do something.
16:04I know.
16:05I'll call security.
16:08Hey, wait a minute.
16:10I am security.
16:11There.
16:12That wasn't so hard.
16:14To Thunc and Setamun, the Scepter of Waz will be mine.
16:21Hemhemdi, rise and go forth.
16:25Cast now evil into the overworld.
16:33Hemhemdi, welcome, my man.
16:35Ready for some destruction?
16:37Wait a second.
16:43I am dead already.
16:44What do I have to be scared of?
16:47Burning in the underworld for eternity.
16:51Oh, right.
16:52Okay, yeah, that'll do.
16:59Oh, you said it, buddy.
17:02Now where is that puny Pharaoh?
17:04Help!
17:04Okay, Tegelstein.
17:06You're the big, bad Pharaoh.
17:07Skulled in the art of war.
17:08The guy with the Scepter of Waz.
17:10It's all up to you.
17:11Time to kick some demon butt and give Setam a full-on smackdown.
17:16I don't get it.
17:18Everything that's been written about you said you were a warrior and a hero.
17:22I had good press.
17:24Oh, that's it.
17:25I've had it with you, mummy boy.
17:27If you won't save the world, I will.
17:29Move your butt, Tut.
17:38I am really dead now.
17:40Move your butt, Tut.
17:41Don't kill me!
17:53Don't worry, Tenstein. He's even deader than you.
17:56Wait a minute. Maybe he can help us.
18:02Move it!
18:09He's back, though!
18:11Excuse me, Ten. I need to borrow this.
18:19But the Scepter of Guaz is mine!
18:22Luxor!
18:23I'm sorry, your royal spinelessness. I can't help you.
18:27I must help Cleo. The safety of the world is at stake.
18:33What kind of pharaoh am I? I am less than pharaoh.
18:36Even my friends think so.
18:38Osiris!
18:42Oasis!
18:43Oh, no!
18:46Maybe I should have read the instructions for this thing!
18:49Child, give the Scepter to me!
18:54Let my reign begin!
18:56Oh, no! Cleo!
19:01Cleo, stand back! This is my job!
19:11Behold!
19:12I need the new ruler of the world!
19:16I need the new ruler of the world!
19:17Never!
19:17Never!
19:17Not as long as I hold the Scepter of Guaz!
19:24Osiris!
19:24Oh, Isis!
19:25Oh, Horus!
19:26Tonight, the spell is cursed!
19:30Send the underworld demons back!
19:33Feel the power of the Scepter of Guaz!
19:36The gates shall be closed!
19:38The gates shall be closed!
19:40This is not to be...
19:46Seth's not going to be happy about that!
19:53The flying never happy won't!
19:56You did it, Ted! You really did it!
20:04Cool! I mean, I have prevailed over my enemies and saved the world from a great evil!
20:10You're the man! The boy! The mummy king! The... whatever!
20:16Oops! Sorry about that!
20:20Okay, guys! One more thing to do!
20:29Jacobs! Any problems?
20:31I was so worried about the new collection, I could hardly sleep!
20:34Me too!
20:35Me too!
20:36I mean, uh...
20:37No problem, sir!
20:38Everything's cool!
20:47Oh! What's this?
20:49Who did this?
20:50Maybe the mummy did it, Horus!
20:52Very funny!
20:59Quite a night!
21:00I think I'll take a nap!
21:01But a short one this time!
21:03Eight hours tops!
21:05Tomorrow we begin anew!
21:07There is still much to be done!
21:08I must survey the rest of my empire, conquer new lands, and continue to rule the world from east to west!
21:13Oh! Of course, your feistiness! We shall be awaiting your call!
21:19Oh, Cleo! Thanks for waking me!
21:25You know, Lux, if this was only Tettenstein's first day back, I can't imagine what tomorrow's going to be like!
21:31Ah, Cleo, I have a feeling it's going to be absolutely legendary!
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