- 5 months ago
The Bet (2016) - Full HD Movie Uncut
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Balding Penguin
00:00:07Balding Penguin
00:00:10Reverse Egyptian suplex, reverse Egyptian suplex, he's going for the pin, one, two, three,
00:00:36yes, it's all over, what an absolute war that was, okay wrestling fans, it's time for the main event,
00:00:44after years of heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, and shattered confidence, this young man will
00:00:49finally have one last shot at the world title, does he have any chance, if you ask this announcer,
00:00:57he's f***ed, dude, thanks for bogarting all these sweet wrestling DVDs from work, oh yeah dude,
00:01:03I'd rather you have them, seem to get thrown out when the store closes, oh, uh, keep in mind
00:01:10on dad tonight, he hasn't been the same since we moved in the garage, no problem, good luck
00:01:16on your date, maybe she'll let you sniff her, it's just dinner, dude, hey Mr. B, what you
00:01:27working on over there, completing the perfect woman, I look forward to meeting her, I already
00:01:38got started, I hope you don't mind, just need to get my drink on tonight, well I get, getting
00:01:45your drink on this evening, this is a really beautiful place you picked, I am starving, I'm
00:01:52taking a horse, that's funny, let's see, do they have horses, check, no, no, they have $30 soup though,
00:01:58so, I feel like I've been totally talking your face off about me, oh no, tell me more about you,
00:02:12I work at a video store, people store at movies, well no, actually that's kind of the problem,
00:02:21um, I don't know, I think it's kind of sad that people don't go to video stores anymore,
00:02:24it's kind of an Americana sort of thing, I don't know, I, going, Brandon, oh no, I'm Denton,
00:02:30Shaniqua, Danielle, holy shit, I don't care, come here, come here, you look amazing,
00:02:38thank you, okay, uh, Brandon, this is Denton, on a date with a real girl, good for you,
00:02:44buddy, it's just like a blind date sort of thing, it's gone bad, oh, I'm right here,
00:02:49I figured it was, hey, you know what, I made some improvements to the old, it's your June
00:02:52train, if you want to, uh, come, for like a ride, you know, maybe I'll argue a lot,
00:02:59that a girl, okay, so, thank you so much, this has been really great, and, um, yeah, good luck
00:03:05with the whole video store job thingy, okay, bye, thank you, thank you, I can't sell my drink,
00:03:14hey, Denton, I'm gonna be ready, Chief,
00:03:19it's all over, folks, he f***ed that one up,
00:03:25that was awesome, dad, come on, come on, let's go to bed, huh,
00:03:35come on, let's go to bed, oh, so, that was the big date, oh, it was not good, it was not,
00:03:48in fact, it was pretty terrible, well, life is a series of miserable dates, oh, oh, terrific,
00:03:59oh, my, I got one, Kendra McNulty,
00:04:08Kendra McNulty, she was fine, and she would have got that root,
00:04:15that was a goddamn ball, those f***s paid off the up again, all right, stat me, well, according to this,
00:04:22dyke piazza, you're 0-4 for the entire day, so it looks like all that money spent on glare protection
00:04:27is really working out for you, you bullsh**t, what the hell is this, oh, it's a list of all the
00:04:34hottest girls we went to school with, Kendra McNulty, please, you want to talk about fine
00:04:39middle school p***s, Haley Matthews, oh, yeah, Haley Matthews, yo, that was the first girl in our
00:04:47grade to have sex, right, oh, yeah, she sunk a f***ing clock on the eighth grade field trip,
00:04:51no, that was Mikey Milligan, how do you know, because I was sitting in between them,
00:04:56oof, I cannot believe you let her do a flyover, next time a girl tries to do that,
00:05:02in her pocket, if I could do it all over again, I would have a vault of Vatch to dive into,
00:05:06they would call me Scrooge McF***, I literally don't think anybody would ever call you that,
00:05:11a couple people might, you guys talking DuckTales, wait, apologies for getting you wet with a cartoon
00:05:17analogy, but can you please not interrupt serious conversations about, hey, Dem, what do you
00:05:22think, want to send another one of your ladies out here so we can end this and go home, I got hot
00:05:26yoga, oh, I'm dead, Wiggins, get up there and smash the ball down that motherfucker's throat,
00:05:32will do, coach, here we go, do it, Ken Spiffy Jr., mm, two for two,
00:05:41good hustle, good hustle, Wiggins, good hustle,
00:05:44dropping dimes Brandon, now Betty, Wiggins, come on dude, really, you're gonna text during the game,
00:05:50it's called sexting you f***ing nerd, oh yeah, is it prepaid, no, it's unlimited like your mom,
00:05:57right, shit, Jackson, you gotta chill dude, have you forgotten, when old man Lucas shuts down the
00:06:02video store, our team goes with it, look at that old f*** out there, rubbing our faces in his s***,
00:06:08our face is right in his s***, Eddie, honey, I just finished my workout, but I'm gonna go pick
00:06:14up a six pack, we're still watching the game tonight, right, absolutely baby, all right, see you
00:06:17tonight, love you, I would totally go big on your wife, strike three, going down swinging like your
00:06:26girlfriend on my d*** last night, joke's on you, I don't have a girlfriend, horribly embarrassing,
00:06:32bring it in, you guys suck dick, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, madam, f*** you,
00:06:37so what about her, always have, always well, oh, hey, you checking out my mom's ass perverts?
00:06:46Yeah, I thought that was your stepmom's ass, f*** you, Jackson, you f***ing Ewok, by the way,
00:06:52saw your game today, 0 for 4, nice, what's this, hand that to me,
00:07:00you're making a list of all the girls you wish you f*** in school, that's hilarious,
00:07:03because I have a list of the girls I did f*** in school, search your scene, it's a big f***ing
00:07:06list, hey, Denton could f*** every girl on that list, wait, wait, I'll let the band speak,
00:07:10I'm sorry, you think Denton can get through this whole list, every name, could you do that, Denton?
00:07:14Well, I didn't say anything, I maybe hurt- God, I smell a bet coming on,
00:07:18I wish any of you f***ers had anything of value, anything, I'd drain you for every penny,
00:07:22mmm, in the meantime, we got a train to catch, enjoy tickling each other's p***s, ladies
00:07:29oh
00:07:45This place is jumping how do you have any movies left?
00:07:48What's up guys? How you doing?
00:07:49Good. Just doing some man stuff around the corner figure we stop by say what's up?
00:07:54Sup? We still on for Taco Tuesdays?
00:07:56God, yes, please.
00:07:58Nice. Any chance we can push that up a little bit?
00:08:00I have a training session tonight.
00:08:02A training sesh?
00:08:04Yeah. Short for session.
00:08:06Okay. Who are you training tonight?
00:08:08I haven't decided yet.
00:08:10Hi. Hey, how's it going?
00:08:12How's it going? Yeah.
00:08:14Why don't you smell that?
00:08:16Smell it?
00:08:18What does that smell like to you?
00:08:20Kind of like envelope glue?
00:08:22Smells like a sweaty asshole.
00:08:24Here, try this one.
00:08:30Dude, all of your movies smell like a fucking asshole.
00:08:32Smells like a bottle.
00:08:34Really? Now my player smells like a fucking asshole.
00:08:36You guys sitting on this shit?
00:08:40Delivery for Lucas Gourmet condoms.
00:08:42Uh, you know what? Actually, that goes across the street to the company over there.
00:08:46They're not getting stuff here until the end of the summer.
00:08:48Those fuckers are getting packages here already?
00:08:50I don't give two shits.
00:08:52This is what it says on the package.
00:08:54This is where I'm dropping it.
00:08:56Hey, why don't you smell this thing?
00:08:58What does it smell like to you?
00:09:00Smells like wet, dirty assholes.
00:09:04What the fuck are you guys doing here?
00:09:08Denton, what's up?
00:09:16Hi.
00:09:18Denise, that was close.
00:09:20You almost had it.
00:09:22Sorry, um, you guys are actually already having packages delivered to the video store.
00:09:26Ooh, sorry.
00:09:27Cindy!
00:09:28Yeah, oh, one sec.
00:09:29Uh-huh, okay, I'll send him back.
00:09:32Hey!
00:09:33Yes!
00:09:34Mr. Lucas wants to see you.
00:09:36He's in Brandon's office.
00:09:37Okay, just right around the corner.
00:09:38Oh, uh, how does he know I'm here?
00:09:40Because they're watching.
00:09:42And you have your Taco Tuesday with your friends later at La Cabana.
00:09:47How did you know that?
00:09:52Good luck with the old man, okay?
00:09:54It'll be fine.
00:10:00Hey!
00:10:01Denton!
00:10:02What's up, man?
00:10:03Oh, I meant to say congratulations on f***ing Danielle.
00:10:05That's awesome.
00:10:06Oh, I didn't...
00:10:07I didn't...
00:10:08I'm sorry.
00:10:09No, no, no.
00:10:10That was me.
00:10:11I f***ed twice.
00:10:12We filmed it, actually.
00:10:13Uh, what was the movie called?
00:10:14Oh, uh, The Great Train Blowjobbery.
00:10:15Give me all your tiny bits!
00:10:17Uh, did Danielle know that you were filming her?
00:10:19What are you f***ing stupid?
00:10:20Like we asked permission to film her?
00:10:22Train Porno.
00:10:23It's the world's fastest growing fetish.
00:10:25We're the Lucas and Serge burger of the genre.
00:10:27Shag Hard Express.
00:10:29Missionary Possible.
00:10:30Me Hard on the Orient Express.
00:10:32Uh, Trains, Planes, and Cock is your meal.
00:10:34F***ing classics, bro.
00:10:35Amen, sister.
00:10:36Tell him Mr. Lucas said f*** you.
00:10:40Didn't.
00:10:41That you came by.
00:10:43It's a big day, man.
00:10:44After my ground-breaking career
00:10:46and the flavored Jimmy biz,
00:10:48I'll be retiring at the end of the summer.
00:10:51So Brandon's your new point person
00:10:53in regards to the takeover.
00:10:55Now I want my product
00:10:56in that bulls*** video store
00:10:58within 90 days.
00:11:00Yes, sir.
00:11:01We've started our move out
00:11:02and we will be out on time.
00:11:03You damn well better.
00:11:04You know,
00:11:05you should've just closed that shithole today.
00:11:07I mean,
00:11:08what the hell have you wasted
00:11:09your whole damn life for in there?
00:11:11Well, uh...
00:11:13It means something to me, sir.
00:11:17I can remember all of the best times growing up
00:11:20going to that video store.
00:11:22I made all my best friends there.
00:11:24And I know people don't rent
00:11:25at a video store anymore.
00:11:26I know that's kind of...
00:11:28in the past, but...
00:11:32It's made me who I am.
00:11:34A huge p***y.
00:11:35Oh, s***.
00:11:36Hit him in the low dog, is that right?
00:11:37We didn't know about him.
00:11:38All right, all right.
00:11:39Son,
00:11:40you're either a born loser...
00:11:42or a winner.
00:11:44Take Brandon here.
00:11:46The day his momma s*** him out of her p***y joke,
00:11:51God rest her soul,
00:11:52he hit the ground in the winter.
00:11:54Now,
00:11:55Sergio another hand.
00:11:56I'm a real f*** up.
00:11:59Hon,
00:12:00let me tell you what success is.
00:12:03You see,
00:12:05I wake up in the morning,
00:12:06I slam me down a Red Bull and some vodka,
00:12:09go clubbing with some young poong,
00:12:11take me some biaggies,
00:12:13and at the end of the night,
00:12:14I squeeze me some of the finest
00:12:17little young tatas money can buy.
00:12:21They're very big.
00:12:23You see,
00:12:24I can smell success.
00:12:30Just like the old man,
00:12:31on a friggin' whiff of it on you.
00:12:35You know what?
00:12:38If he's your old man,
00:12:39that's barbecue flavor,
00:12:40that's his favorite.
00:12:41Give him something.
00:12:45Anything.
00:12:47As far as you two,
00:12:48don't forget,
00:12:49promotional party tonight,
00:12:50peppermint zebra,
00:12:52first lap dances on me.
00:12:54Yeah, Daddy.
00:12:55The second lap dances on me too.
00:12:58Honey,
00:12:59it's one o'clock,
00:13:00it's time for our couple's mani-pedi.
00:13:02Hi, Daddy.
00:13:03Hi, Kirsten.
00:13:04Hey, it's Mrs. Lucas to you.
00:13:07Manny-pedi-heading,
00:13:08here we go.
00:13:09Woo!
00:13:11Whoa, whoa, whoa,
00:13:12Baker.
00:13:13Where the fuck you think you're going?
00:13:14Sit down.
00:13:15Um, are you, are you,
00:13:16done being mean to me?
00:13:18I've got a present for you.
00:13:19It's a go, bitch.
00:13:20You tell your little bub buddies over there
00:13:22at that stupid video store
00:13:23that the CEO of Lucas's gourmet condom
00:13:25signed off on everything.
00:13:26Rosenberg's drew it up in, uh, legal.
00:13:27He's a Jew,
00:13:28so I assume it's binding and everything.
00:13:29You know?
00:13:30I'm gonna watch you fail,
00:13:31and I'm gonna love every second of it.
00:13:32Every.
00:13:33Damn.
00:13:34Second.
00:13:36I'm gonna watch you fail,
00:13:37and I'm gonna love every second of it.
00:13:38Every.
00:13:39Damn.
00:13:40Second.
00:13:42I'm gonna watch you fail,
00:13:43and I'm gonna love every second of it.
00:13:44Every.
00:13:45Damn.
00:13:47Second.
00:13:48Second.
00:13:49Of it.
00:13:52Is that- did you- can I go now?
00:13:56Get the fuck out of here.
00:13:57Let the games begin!
00:14:02You cocksmoke her.
00:14:03Better than fuck.
00:14:09What the hell was this?
00:14:11There he is!
00:14:13That, you lucky motherfucker,
00:14:15is a legal and binding document.
00:14:16That's right,
00:14:17Me and Jackson sat down with Lucas' legal team this morning
00:14:20and hammered out all the details.
00:14:22I have to sleep with 12 girls this summer
00:14:24or the Lucases get my house?
00:14:26Well, you're renting out your house.
00:14:28That asshole, Bob, technically,
00:14:30you live in the garage.
00:14:31What, are you guys lawyers now, huh?
00:14:32Well, I actually had a lawyer look over the details.
00:14:40Hello, offices of Charles McD.
00:14:42And he may or may not be my uncle.
00:14:44Uh, kind of contract.
00:14:47Um, uh, yeah, yeah.
00:14:52You're good, man. You're good.
00:14:54But don't worry, man. We did all the legwork for you.
00:15:00Oh, my God.
00:15:02That, my friend, is nine of your school crushes.
00:15:06You actually picked out most of them yourself.
00:15:09Wait, what are the two empty slots for?
00:15:11Oh, you get to pick the two wildcard bitches.
00:15:14That's right. As long as we can prove you went to school with them,
00:15:16you can decide whoever you want.
00:15:18Well, now I think it's time for a celebratory shake.
00:15:21Gentlemen.
00:15:21I'm 100% all right. Thanks, though.
00:15:25What the fuck's going on here?
00:15:27Sorry, Bob.
00:15:28Sorry is right, you sorry motherfuckers.
00:15:30What's those white bitches doing on the wall?
00:15:33Oh, these are all the girls that didn't went to school with.
00:15:35Yeah, he's gonna fuck them.
00:15:37He's gonna fuck them?
00:15:37That guy is gonna fuck them?
00:15:39He's gonna get fucked.
00:15:40You don't necessarily have to sleep with them.
00:15:42Oh, no.
00:15:43You just gotta bust a fat n***.
00:15:44It doesn't matter how.
00:15:46Uh, handy, beach, missionary.
00:15:48Old country, doggie, bukkake.
00:15:51Gangbang, facial, 69.
00:15:53Come dump truck, shitty kitty.
00:15:55Oh, I like that one.
00:15:56Shitty kitty.
00:15:57Shitty kitty.
00:15:58Siberian jizz-sicle.
00:15:59You know what I like?
00:16:00F***ing Nigerian cocksicle.
00:16:02That's what I like.
00:16:03To drill the s*** out your big dry f***ing asses.
00:16:06Bye, Bob.
00:16:07That's right.
00:16:10We just need to have solid evidence of each hookup.
00:16:12Guys, I can't do this.
00:16:13This is your chance, D.
00:16:15Your biological conch is ticking, man.
00:16:18Dude, if you do this, you get 100% of the Lucas Gourmet Condom Company.
00:16:22You get everything.
00:16:23All associated properties and holdings.
00:16:25The video store stays open, and we can still play ball.
00:16:29You can't lose the team, D.
00:16:32Jackson might kill himself.
00:16:33And after what Mr. Lucas did to your dad.
00:16:40Think about it.
00:16:41Yeah.
00:16:51Hey, champ.
00:16:52Oh, hey, Mr. Blosky.
00:16:54How you doing?
00:16:54You kidding?
00:16:55Hi.
00:16:55Is, uh, is your dad home?
00:16:58Nope.
00:16:59Don't think he's...
00:17:00No.
00:17:01Uh, is everything okay?
00:17:03No.
00:17:04No.
00:17:05Your dad's been, uh...
00:17:07He's been stealing my son's Legos.
00:17:11What?
00:17:12Are you sure?
00:17:13I've been picking them up all day.
00:17:15Legos.
00:17:16From my house to your house.
00:17:19He's, uh...
00:17:20He's had a rough go of it.
00:17:22Well, I think he's getting worse.
00:17:23I think those assholes are right.
00:17:42Fuck yeah, we are.
00:17:44Get up, man.
00:17:45We got chicks to do.
00:17:47What is Scott Quaker doing up there?
00:17:50You're gonna laugh at this.
00:17:52He's actually one of your dates.
00:17:54No.
00:17:55Okay, look.
00:17:56For two of the dates, you only have to kiss.
00:17:58It's supposed to be 12 girls.
00:18:00You and Snot Shaker were inseparable in the third grade.
00:18:03Everybody knows you had a crush on him.
00:18:04Lucas wouldn't budge.
00:18:05I didn't have a crush on him.
00:18:07Listen, guys didn't even like girls in the third grade.
00:18:09I love p***y in the third grade.
00:18:11Ask Wiggins.
00:18:12Yeah.
00:18:12It's pretty gross.
00:18:14Here's the dossier for your first date.
00:18:15We picked the sluttiest one first.
00:18:17Seventh grade.
00:18:18Hayley Matthews?
00:18:19I haven't even talked to her in like 15 years.
00:18:22Surprise again.
00:18:24You've actually been talking to her all day online.
00:18:26We told you to ride a Harley though because she's into bad boys.
00:18:29You sold me as a bad boy to Hayley Matthews?
00:18:32How am I actually gonna impress a girl like that?
00:18:34This Denton clearly isn't doing the trick.
00:18:37Fuck no.
00:18:38But I mean, what's wrong with me?
00:18:40I'm fine, right?
00:18:41Okay, I guess I'll start.
00:18:43You don't put any product in your hair?
00:18:47You're always talking about bands that no one's ever heard of?
00:18:49Like, I'm sorry guys, but who the f*** is Black Sabbath?
00:18:53Yeah, man.
00:18:54You live in a garage.
00:18:56Wiggins, you live in a garage with me.
00:19:00Oh yeah.
00:19:01You're gonna have to shave your shaft.
00:19:04Your taint.
00:19:05Your grundle.
00:19:06Your satchel page, man.
00:19:07You gotta be as bald as a Scandinavian turtle.
00:19:09It's gonna f***ing shine.
00:19:11I gotta see my face in your right nut, man.
00:19:13Look, I'm dressed like a Crip stepfather right now.
00:19:17Does it matter?
00:19:18No.
00:19:19Because I'm confident.
00:19:21You just gotta be confident in who you are.
00:19:23Or, in this case, who you are not.
00:19:30Look, man.
00:19:32I get it.
00:19:33You're in a rut.
00:19:36Are you gonna do something about it?
00:19:37If you're not gonna do it for you.
00:19:49Alright, let's do it.
00:19:50Nice.
00:19:50Fuck yeah.
00:19:51Hi, uh, is it, I'm sorry, is this, uh, 264 Pacific?
00:20:12Tintin.
00:20:14Hey, girly, what's your name?
00:20:15Ass so fab, but that waist so framish.
00:20:18It's all goody as long as I get a woody.
00:20:20You can pack, pack, put your neck on, baby.
00:20:22Implandadas.
00:20:23Hi.
00:20:23Ah, Hailey.
00:20:25He looks so great.
00:20:26You, you look, I can't tell.
00:20:29No, I know, right?
00:20:30I mean, who would have thought?
00:20:31Not me.
00:20:32Where's your Harley?
00:20:37Uh, yeah, it's, uh, it's in the shop.
00:20:40No.
00:20:41Seat's, seat's broken.
00:20:43Oh, well, we're all ready to go.
00:20:46Oui.
00:20:46Let me tell you what you're nothing when
00:20:59You get all your friends a standing invitation
00:21:03La, la, la
00:21:04I got a loft on, damn down
00:21:09He used to be mine
00:21:12There's nothing but noise and grain
00:21:14People sleeping everywhere
00:21:17Gotta get my thing down
00:21:20Slugging on coats of beer
00:21:23The weather comes every day
00:21:25We're all in rocks tonight, baby!
00:21:42My therapist thought it would be a good idea
00:21:43If I had a major life change
00:21:45So here I am
00:21:46Wow, this is a, this was a, this is a big one
00:21:49Yeah, started a pretty sweet softball team
00:21:56With my buddies
00:21:57My dad's building a woman out of Legos
00:22:02Um, I sell my sperm at a sperm bank
00:22:07I thought you were a cage fighter
00:22:09Uh, yeah, I, here's the interesting part of the story
00:22:16Well, um, the best part of the story is coming right now
00:22:20I was living in this apartment
00:22:22And there was this, uh, old Asian
00:22:25Handyman who taught me to
00:22:28To paint
00:22:30Fences and, and, and, and wash cars
00:22:34Stuff like that
00:22:35So, um, but I, you know what?
00:22:41I was like, this sucks
00:22:43Being a teen with, with problems and no direction
00:22:47This is not the life I want
00:22:49But, you know, turns out he was a martial arts master
00:22:52And he taught me a few things
00:22:54He was a, uh, blonde kid with feathered hair
00:22:57Gave me a rash of shit
00:22:58And I was like, let's enter a tournament together
00:23:00Of karate
00:23:02And I, I crane kicked him
00:23:04In the face
00:23:06And that sort of thing just, you know
00:23:09Naturally leads to cage fighting
00:23:11That's so cool
00:23:13Yeah
00:23:14What's your finishing move?
00:23:16Hmm?
00:23:17Finishing, finishing move
00:23:18Is the
00:23:19Head butt
00:23:21To the nuts
00:23:24Yeah
00:23:25Get a handful of those nards
00:23:27And I just
00:23:27Boom, boom, boom, boom
00:23:29Six or seven times
00:23:30Wow
00:23:31So, um
00:23:34You have a girlfriend or a wife or something?
00:23:38Nah, I don't need the ag, you know
00:23:40Yeah
00:23:40Yeah, it's just my
00:23:42Chopper
00:23:43Cage
00:23:45And tats
00:23:46Tattoos?
00:23:48Yep
00:23:48Yep, yeah, it's a full back piece
00:23:50Yeah
00:23:51Hours of work
00:23:52It's a Yakuza tattoo
00:23:53Yeah, but
00:23:54Instead of a
00:23:55Samurai
00:23:56It's Arnold Schwarzenegger
00:23:57Squat thrusting
00:24:00Mars
00:24:02Oh
00:24:03I've got
00:24:04To see that
00:24:05No, I can't, baby
00:24:07No, I can't do it
00:24:08What?
00:24:08Yeah, it melted off
00:24:09And the explosion
00:24:10When I was escaping the state pen
00:24:12Oh my God
00:24:13That is so...
00:24:14Oh my God
00:24:16That is so...
00:24:16Oh, yeah
00:24:17Yeah
00:24:18Oh
00:24:19What?
00:24:22The sisters warned me this could happen
00:24:24What could happen?
00:24:31Sisters
00:24:32I will never forget
00:24:36The time we've spent together
00:24:38Your life lessons and blessings will stay with me
00:24:42All the days of my life
00:24:44Unfortunately
00:24:45The exorcism
00:24:47Performed on my devil
00:24:49Puss
00:24:49Has failed
00:24:51I want you to f**k me
00:24:56Till I tap out
00:24:57Holy shit
00:24:59Hallelujah
00:25:00Hallelujah
00:25:02Ow, ow
00:25:05Your knee's on my neck
00:25:06Oh, sorry
00:25:0611 to go, boys!
00:25:20Oh, yes!
00:25:21Nice
00:25:22Details, details
00:25:24It was unreal
00:25:25She did, like, porno stuff
00:25:27Oh, of course
00:25:28Butthole?
00:25:29Oh
00:25:30Yours?
00:25:32Ha!
00:25:34Butthole!
00:25:35Butthole!
00:25:36Butthole!
00:25:37Butthole!
00:25:38Butthole!
00:25:39Butthole!
00:25:40Butthole!
00:25:41Butthole!
00:25:42Yeah!
00:25:43Ow!
00:25:44Ow!
00:25:45It's everywhere!
00:25:46I would tongue-kiss Leo DiCaprio
00:25:48What are you saying?
00:25:49He has supple lips?
00:25:50It's possible that whenever he...
00:25:51That's not the same
00:25:52I think he should...
00:25:54Dick!
00:25:55Straight up now tell me
00:25:56Did you really f**king claptrap Matthews?
00:25:58That's disgusting
00:25:59I hope you double-bagged it, man
00:26:00But
00:26:01But
00:26:03Because I'm a gentleman and a scholar
00:26:04Got you a little present
00:26:05Rain Jimmy's on this bitch
00:26:07No!
00:26:08Come on!
00:26:09Stop it!
00:26:10Stop it!
00:26:11Hey!
00:26:12Hey!
00:26:13Grab this, I wanna keep it
00:26:14Hashtag blessed
00:26:16Hashtag clean these up, you f**king idiot
00:26:22Wiggins
00:26:23Hand me a condo
00:26:27Brussels sprouts or Thai sweet chili?
00:26:29Thai
00:26:30Thai
00:26:31Sweet
00:26:32Chili
00:26:33Chili
00:26:38Alright, dad
00:26:39Let's throw some three beyond that scenery
00:26:41For
00:26:42Destiny
00:26:43Welcome to church, gentlemen
00:26:45You must be really good at math to be able to count up all those ones
00:26:46Oh, yeah, I guess, I mean, it could be really good at math to be able to count up all those ones
00:26:58Oh, yeah, I guess, I mean, it could be really hard to keep track of, especially if people throw in fives when they really like me
00:27:11That's a valid point
00:27:12That's a valid point
00:27:13Did you wanna get a lap dance?
00:27:14They're two for one right now, that means that you get two lap dances but you only pay for one
00:27:17Wow, you are good at math, that's, I would, I would love one
00:27:21Two
00:27:22I'm in love with the stripper with a dollar in her butt
00:27:23A dollar in her butt
00:27:24A dollar in her butt
00:27:25A dollar in her butt
00:27:26Oh
00:27:27A dollar in her butt
00:27:28A dollar in her butt
00:27:29A dollar in her butt
00:27:30A dollar in her butt
00:27:31A dollar in her butt
00:27:41I've just received news from the other side
00:27:52Oh
00:27:53The Dark Lord has special instructions for us.
00:27:57Oh, how's he doing?
00:28:01He's well, and says thank you for asking.
00:28:05You're welcome.
00:28:07You're welcome.
00:28:11I'm getting a message from the Dark Lord himself right now.
00:28:16What news does he bring?
00:28:17Shh.
00:28:17He says that we should consummate our unholy tryst on this unhallowed ground this very eve.
00:28:31He does?
00:28:32Mm-hmm, yes, yes, he does.
00:28:36Then you must be the chosen one.
00:28:39I am totally that guy.
00:28:40Then we must commence this ritual immediately.
00:28:43Okay.
00:28:45Here, put this on.
00:28:46The neighbors are always complaining about the noise.
00:28:48It'll just take a minute.
00:28:53Oh, don't worry.
00:28:57It only hurts a little bit.
00:29:09Oh, no.
00:29:10Oh, no.
00:29:15You're ready.
00:29:41You're ready.
00:29:42Oh, no.
00:30:12Come on!
00:30:14Come on!
00:30:16Come on!
00:30:18Come on!
00:30:20He's gonna yell at us!
00:30:22He's gonna yell at us!
00:30:24He's gonna yell at us!
00:30:26Hey, right here!
00:30:36That's a big dragon, huh?
00:30:38He's a big, sharp teeth.
00:30:40What does he say?
00:30:42Wah!
00:30:44Wah!
00:30:46Excuse me, sir?
00:30:48Can I help you with something?
00:30:50Oh, no, I'm just checking out this hot check.
00:30:52Oh, you know what?
00:30:54No, no, I love kids!
00:30:56I don't love...
00:30:58Shhh!
00:31:00Hey!
00:31:02Oh, my God!
00:31:04Denton? Oh, my God!
00:31:06Denton Baker?
00:31:08Abrams!
00:31:09Yeah!
00:31:10Denton Morrison!
00:31:11Look at...
00:31:12Wow!
00:31:13You got tall!
00:31:14You're...
00:31:15You're big!
00:31:16Uh...
00:31:18God, that is crazy.
00:31:19I can't believe you still hang out with those guys.
00:31:22What is Jackson up to?
00:31:24Uh...
00:31:25Jackson thinks he's a personal trainer.
00:31:28Wait, what?!
00:31:30Yeah.
00:31:31He got in shape?
00:31:32No.
00:31:33No, he did not.
00:31:34He just, uh...
00:31:35He works the graveyard shift at the 24-hour gym.
00:31:37So, like, one person comes in and he's like,
00:31:39Oh, I'm personally training you.
00:31:41Okay, that makes more sense.
00:31:43Yeah.
00:31:44What about you?
00:31:45What have you been up to?
00:31:46Where are you working now?
00:31:47Um, I, uh...
00:31:49I got into cage fighting.
00:31:51Uh, cage fighting?
00:31:52Really?
00:31:53Cage...
00:31:54Mm-hmm.
00:31:55Like...
00:31:56Like...
00:31:57No, you...
00:31:58Seriously, where are you working?
00:32:00Uh...
00:32:01Actually, I'm in the movie business.
00:32:03That's even worse than cage fighting!
00:32:06Yeah, well...
00:32:07It's kinda true.
00:32:08I...
00:32:09I still work at, uh, Video Fun Time.
00:32:10Really?
00:32:11Still?
00:32:12Yeah.
00:32:13Well, not for much longer, actually,
00:32:15because the Lucases bought out the building
00:32:17for their gourmet condom business.
00:32:19That is...
00:32:21That's disgusting.
00:32:22Yeah.
00:32:26Um...
00:32:27Well, this is me.
00:32:28So, um...
00:32:30Super cool.
00:32:31Bumping into you, Denton.
00:32:34Uh, you know what?
00:32:36W-
00:32:37Would you want to continue this conversation sometime?
00:32:41Nope.
00:32:44Is that a...
00:32:45What is...?
00:32:46Yes!
00:32:47Yeah, I would love to catch up some more.
00:32:48Cool.
00:32:49Cool.
00:32:50Uh, how...
00:32:51How's eight tonight?
00:32:52Is that...?
00:32:53Uh...
00:32:54Yeah!
00:32:55Sure!
00:32:56We can, um...
00:32:57We can get that cup of coffee.
00:32:58Cool.
00:33:00Here.
00:33:01I, um...
00:33:08Meet me here.
00:33:12Stop looking at my c*****, man!
00:33:13I'm not!
00:33:14I'm not!
00:33:15You're peeing on the bathroom side.
00:33:16I'm doing dishes on the right side.
00:33:19Where the f**k have you been?
00:33:21Well, I'm sorry, Schwarzkopf.
00:33:22I was busy playing stalker at the daycare.
00:33:24In fact, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested.
00:33:26Oh, yeah, that Morrison chick.
00:33:28How's she looking nowadays?
00:33:30Ah, great.
00:33:31Yeah, she seems really cool, too.
00:33:33Yeah?
00:33:34How'd you hit that?
00:33:35H-J?
00:33:36No.
00:33:37You're a B-J?
00:33:38No.
00:33:39F-J?
00:33:40Did you get one of those F-Js in there?
00:33:42I didn't get an F-J.
00:33:43I didn't have quite the time that I needed.
00:33:45I couldn't close the deal.
00:33:46But right now, I'm actually going to see Amanda.
00:33:48Wait, but this is a mandatory meeting.
00:33:50You can do this one without me.
00:33:51I swear to God, you're doing amazing work.
00:33:53Goodbye!
00:33:54Ken, remember, to be the man,
00:33:55you have to beat off the man.
00:33:57It's beat the man.
00:33:58If you want to be the man,
00:33:59you have to beat the man.
00:34:00You don't want to beat him off.
00:34:03Yeah.
00:34:07But do you remember that story
00:34:08that you got up in front of the entire second grade class
00:34:10and you read it out loud to everybody?
00:34:12Yeah!
00:34:13Wow, I can't believe you remember that.
00:34:14Of course I do.
00:34:15Donnie the Lucky Donkey.
00:34:17Actually, it was Donnie the down-on-his-luck donkey.
00:34:22Yeah.
00:34:24How come...
00:34:25How did you never get married?
00:34:27Well, my dad was in the Coast Guard,
00:34:28so we moved around a lot when I was a kid,
00:34:30and then I guess after I got my teaching degree,
00:34:32I carried on the family tradition.
00:34:35So you're saying you're a gypsy?
00:34:36No, I'm not a gypsy.
00:34:38Sounds like what a gypsy would say, but...
00:34:40No, I...
00:34:41My girlfriends are all getting married and having kids,
00:34:43and I'm just happy that I finally found a place
00:34:46to settle down and write.
00:34:47Oh, you're a writer?
00:34:48Well, I'm...
00:34:49I'm writing a book.
00:34:50It's a self-help book about how, uh,
00:34:53parents aren't really instilling enough self-confidence
00:34:56in their kids and the effect that it has on them
00:34:59later on in their adult lives.
00:35:01What about you?
00:35:03It's hard to go out and date when you're...
00:35:06living in a garage with your dad.
00:35:08Oh, that's hysterical.
00:35:13Oh, God, you're really serious.
00:35:16Uh, kinda.
00:35:18How did that happen?
00:35:19God, I thought your dad was a successful inventor.
00:35:22Well, he was until his greatest invention
00:35:24was stolen out from right underneath him.
00:35:26What was it?
00:35:27Gourmet condom?
00:35:29No.
00:35:30Mm-hmm.
00:35:31Wait, how did your dad even come up with the idea
00:35:33for a gourmet condom in the first place?
00:35:36I don't wanna do this.
00:35:37See, we're having coffee.
00:35:38It's a really wonderful time.
00:35:39I don't wanna screw...
00:35:40Oh, come on!
00:35:41I can't go back.
00:35:42You know, once I say it, it can't be unsaid.
00:35:44I dare you.
00:35:45Bring it on.
00:35:46Let's go.
00:35:47Gross me out.
00:35:48Well, before I was born, my parents went on this
00:35:49kind of zany, wacky diet where they couldn't eat anything
00:35:51after midnight.
00:35:52My mom goes off to the other room to put on something
00:35:55a little more comfortable.
00:35:57My dad, seeing this as an opportunity to cheat on the diet,
00:36:00grabs barbecue chicken wing and starts mowing down on him.
00:36:03Afray of all this, he gets the chicken drippings all over
00:36:07his junk.
00:36:09My mom sneaks in, surprised the hell out of him.
00:36:13Philip, you taste delicious.
00:36:16His wheels started turning, and the rest is history.
00:36:19My dad doesn't know how to balance a checkbook,
00:36:21let alone run a company.
00:36:23So Mr. Lucas offers his help.
00:36:25In the interim, my mom gets sick.
00:36:27Lucas says, you know what?
00:36:28Don't worry about it.
00:36:29While you're gone, I will get this business started and running.
00:36:32So we're watching TV a couple weeks later.
00:36:34There's an ad for Lucas's gourmet condoms.
00:36:38Didn't you guys get a lawyer? Anything?
00:36:40We got a lawyer.
00:36:41We tried to do all that, but my dad didn't have any copyrights.
00:36:43He didn't have any proof, like solid evidence.
00:36:45From then on, it's just been this, uh, downward spiral.
00:36:49Oh my God, that is so fucked up.
00:36:52But you know what?
00:36:53This actually would make a really great example for my book.
00:36:57Hear me out.
00:36:58Your complete and utter lack of self-confidence has led you to be not only jobless, but homeless
00:37:06and girl-less as well.
00:37:07Oh my God, thank you!
00:37:09No, seriously!
00:37:10The only thing that you are lacking is testicular fortitude.
00:37:15What are you talking about?
00:37:16Balls, Denton!
00:37:18Look, I am, I am, I'm very confident.
00:37:22Really?
00:37:23Uh, oh, oh, hi, I'm Denton.
00:37:26Would you maybe, like, wanna, I don't know, go on a coffee date with me?
00:37:30Even though all I'm gonna do is drink peppermint tea.
00:37:32That was a C-minus impression at best.
00:37:35Oh, really?
00:37:36What is this pussy-ass drink?
00:37:38It's filled with antioxidants and fights cervical cancer.
00:37:42So you look kinda dumb right now.
00:37:44Look, this is gonna be the summer that I change your life.
00:37:49And I get to document it in my book.
00:37:52Help, I have the balls of an eight-year-old.
00:37:55Elegant, yet sexy.
00:37:57I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
00:37:58You think about it.
00:37:59I'll be back.
00:38:00Scream that title again?
00:38:01What was it?
00:38:02Shut up!
00:38:03Tenton!
00:38:04You're my fucking hero, man.
00:38:07It's been an honor watching you point your kill tonight.
00:38:11Uh...
00:38:12I know you're gonna fuck these hot bitches.
00:38:14Mmm.
00:38:15Shhh.
00:38:16How?
00:38:17How do you know about that?
00:38:18Sensei Jackson didn't tell you about me?
00:38:20I'm a star pupil, man.
00:38:22Remember a couple years back when that guy had to be cut out of his house?
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:26That was me.
00:38:27I weighed 750 fucking pounds.
00:38:30I had to prop my titties up on a towel rack just to dry them off.
00:38:34That's about when Sensei Jackson found me.
00:38:37He put me on a grueling training reg.
00:38:39Had me sucking on his sweet, delicious power shakes.
00:38:44He fucking saved my life, man.
00:38:46The dude is a saint.
00:38:48Hey, you autographed me.
00:38:49Go!
00:38:50Hey!
00:38:51Uh...
00:38:52Wanna get outta here?
00:38:53Yes.
00:38:54Let's.
00:38:55Hope you two had a great night!
00:38:58You're the shit, dude!
00:38:59The shit!
00:39:00Free video.
00:39:01Free video.
00:39:02Free video.
00:39:03Free video.
00:39:04Free video.
00:39:05Free video.
00:39:06Free video.
00:39:07Free video.
00:39:08Free video.
00:39:09Free video.
00:39:10Wiggins.
00:39:11Wiggins.
00:39:12Free video.
00:39:13Wait, who's that for?
00:39:14Me.
00:39:15Free video.
00:39:16Free video.
00:39:17You work here.
00:39:18Why would you...
00:39:19Hey, man.
00:39:20What's up, dog?
00:39:21Hi.
00:39:22Hello.
00:39:23Let me see if you're my bro.
00:39:24So, uh, new release day.
00:39:26Talk to me.
00:39:27Any new jizz flicks drop?
00:39:29Everything new's in the back, Scott.
00:39:31Alright, sweet.
00:39:32I'll be back in a sec.
00:39:33Cause it only takes me a minute to send it.
00:39:35You remember now.
00:39:36Come on.
00:39:37He seems like a power top.
00:39:39You into that?
00:39:40Wiggins?
00:39:41Dude, I'm not fucking with the dude, dude.
00:39:44Okay, well, first of all, if you did, I'm a good enough friend that I wouldn't tell anybody.
00:39:48Second of all, all you have to do is give him a little bit of tongue and just...
00:39:51I'm not gonna do it, man.
00:39:52I don't care.
00:39:53Jackson's gonna have to figure this out.
00:39:54I'm not gonna do it.
00:39:55I'll lose the whole bet.
00:39:56I don't care.
00:39:57Hey, what bet you boys talking about?
00:39:58Nothing.
00:39:59Nothing.
00:40:00Alright, fuck it.
00:40:01Well, I got my MMA.
00:40:02I got my porno.
00:40:03I'm ready to jack and jack off.
00:40:05Right there.
00:40:06You know, hit me.
00:40:07That's pretty literal.
00:40:08Yeah, look.
00:40:09Okay, we got Ben Hur.
00:40:10Citizen Kane.
00:40:11Woodfellas.
00:40:12Deep Impact.
00:40:13Deep Impact.
00:40:14Oh, no.
00:40:15Actually, this one's not a porno.
00:40:16Did you know that?
00:40:17I'm a pervert, not an idiot.
00:40:19Scott, man, I can't rent you these.
00:40:22You've had Stopper my mom almost squirt out for two years.
00:40:25Man, well, Dan, you're my brother.
00:40:27You know the last decade's been a bit of a buttf**k for me.
00:40:30You know, my MMA career was going great.
00:40:32Then I got busted from being on the juice and cycled off to lose the titties.
00:40:36And then I started to get my ass kicked real bad and tap out on the dream.
00:40:41Listen, okay, you can rent these, but you've got to bring them back before the store closes.
00:40:45Okay, man?
00:40:46You have my word as a retired man of the cage.
00:40:49We'll bring these back safely.
00:40:52Knock on my wood.
00:40:53He's full of those, isn't he?
00:40:56Hey, Denise.
00:40:57Hi.
00:40:58You know what these packages keep getting sent over the video store?
00:41:00I'm sorry.
00:41:01It's just those guys messing with you, I'm sure.
00:41:03Sure is, mothaf**ker.
00:41:04Boom, bitch!
00:41:05The canvas is not in my house.
00:41:08Hey, sir, do you want to go old school on this little baby p**sy?
00:41:11Yeah.
00:41:12Hey, guys, come on.
00:41:13No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:41:14Oh, is your foot good?
00:41:16Higher.
00:41:17Higher.
00:41:18Hey.
00:41:19Hey.
00:41:20No wonder you had four girls.
00:41:21You're wearing boxer shorts.
00:41:23Bitches love briefs now.
00:41:25Come on, man.
00:41:26We're going to H&M.
00:41:27We'll buy you some.
00:41:28Clean this shit up, Denise.
00:41:29Yeah, clean this shit up, Denise.
00:41:30Oh, Denton, I'm so sorry.
00:41:32Let me help you.
00:41:33Oh, thanks.
00:41:34Oh, you know, Denton, um, we had homeroom together.
00:41:39That's right, in 11th grade.
00:41:40In 11th grade.
00:41:41Yeah.
00:41:42So, um, I'm going to take my 15-minute break now.
00:41:47Oh, yeah, okay.
00:41:48Yeah, and that's just enough time for me to s**t up.
00:41:52What now?
00:41:53Oh.
00:41:54Oh.
00:41:55Oh.
00:41:56Oh.
00:41:57Oh.
00:41:58Oh.
00:41:59Oh.
00:42:00Bring it up.
00:42:01Let's dig deep.
00:42:02Dig it.
00:42:03Dig it.
00:42:04Let's get it.
00:42:05Let's get it, you little bitches.
00:42:06Come on, Grandpa.
00:42:07Pick it up.
00:42:08Pick it up, Wilfred.
00:42:09I am number one.
00:42:10You're right.
00:42:12Why don't you hawk on a bike, Uncle Jemima?
00:42:13Here we go.
00:42:14Jesus Christ, man.
00:42:15Calm down.
00:42:16I'm wearing both colors to signify unity.
00:42:18Oh.
00:42:19That's kind of cool.
00:42:20Come on, Grandpa.
00:42:21You can do it.
00:42:22So, uh, uh, funny bit of news.
00:42:24I just got surprise fellatio from the receptionist that works at Lucas.
00:42:28Denise Davids?
00:42:29Yes!
00:42:30Oh, s**t.
00:42:31You are so screwed.
00:42:32What?
00:42:33World-class psycho stalker.
00:42:36You know in school when those girls made those origami things to predict who their soulmate was?
00:42:40Yeah?
00:42:41She rigged hers.
00:42:42Rigged the f*****ing thing, dude.
00:42:44Gross.
00:42:45Yeah, she had one of those things where, like, you know when one person loves another person, like, a lot, but the other person loves the other person more than that?
00:42:55She got a restraining order against her.
00:42:57Okay.
00:42:58Okay.
00:42:59She's nuts for real.
00:43:00She had her dog baptized.
00:43:04Hello?
00:43:12Gotcha.
00:43:13Uh, you reach the voicemail of Denton.
00:43:16Leave a message.
00:43:17Wow.
00:43:21Not convincing.
00:43:22I didn't do a good job at all.
00:43:24No.
00:43:25No one's home.
00:43:30No one's home.
00:43:34Oh, God.
00:43:35What does that smell?
00:43:40Huh.
00:43:42Denton, Denton, Denton, you've been busy, girl.
00:43:46Hey, Serge, go wet that bed.
00:43:47All right.
00:43:48Think the tall f**k's got it in him?
00:43:50Nah.
00:43:51I'm gonna piss on top.
00:43:57What the f**k's going on here?
00:43:59Who the f**k are you?
00:44:00What are you doing here?
00:44:01Tell him what we're doing.
00:44:03We broke in.
00:44:04Obviously I see you're f*****ing breaking.
00:44:06Can I talk to you?
00:44:07I got this, B.
00:44:08Can you come here a little bit?
00:44:09Are you f*****ing sure?
00:44:10Whoa, he's got a knife!
00:44:11Yeah, I see that.
00:44:12It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
00:44:13Well, why are you here?
00:44:14I need information about this bet.
00:44:16I want to ruin their lives, all right?
00:44:18I hate Denton.
00:44:19I hate them, too.
00:44:20Good, good.
00:44:21Maybe there's a way we both get what we want.
00:44:24Two blue jobs.
00:44:26You're such a m***h.
00:44:28Here's the deal.
00:44:29I need information about this bet.
00:44:31Every time you find something out, you give me a call,
00:44:34I give you cash.
00:44:40I present to you, Sarah Dawn Samuels.
00:44:51Wow.
00:44:52What is she doing here?
00:44:54Well, auditioning for reality TV all day.
00:44:56Only time she has to work out is at night.
00:45:01During my shift.
00:45:05I'm her personal trainer, so to speak.
00:45:07We've spent some time together.
00:45:09Through all that bonding, I've learned her deepest desires
00:45:12and darkest secrets.
00:45:13Her scent is that of a rose garden after midsummer's rain.
00:45:20She's a siren in the water.
00:45:21She calls to me.
00:45:23And only I hold the key to her soul's relaxation.
00:45:26It pains me to betray my lady, but it's for the good of the bet.
00:45:36I hold in my hand her one Achilles heel.
00:45:39Or should I say, Achilles crotch.
00:45:43Whoa!
00:45:44That's a serious pre-op moose knuckle.
00:45:46It looks like a six dollar burger.
00:45:48If it ever gets out, she's ruined.
00:45:50Really, Jackson?
00:45:51We resorting to blackmail now?
00:45:53Yeah, super.
00:45:54Now we're sexual predators.
00:45:55Sexual predators?
00:45:56What, are we just walking the streets looking for houses
00:45:58with teddy bears in the window to wander into?
00:46:01None of my wildest dreams.
00:46:04Sorry, baby.
00:46:05Sorry, baby.
00:46:10Just give me the door.
00:46:11Stop!
00:46:12Hi, sorry.
00:46:13Stop!
00:46:14Stop!
00:46:15Stop!
00:46:16That's it!
00:46:26Romeo's got nothing on me
00:46:32Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets
00:46:34I didn't get out of bed for weeks
00:46:37Romeo's got nothing on me
00:46:39Romeo's got nothing on me
00:46:43I woke up in a haze
00:46:45Grabbed my microphone and my briefcase
00:46:47Stepped out the door and fell flat on my face
00:46:50Eyes glazed, I must get blazed
00:46:52Gravity fights me from every which way
00:46:57And matter how my mind just fades
00:47:00It's an off day, the sky's all gray
00:47:03But if it rains, you'll find me swimming
00:47:06I've been living in a dream
00:47:08That used to seem so real
00:47:12I used to be a strong
00:47:16Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets
00:47:19I didn't get out of bed for weeks
00:47:21Romeo's got nothing on me
00:47:24Romeo's got nothing on me
00:47:26Romeo's got nothing on me
00:47:27Romeo's got nothing on me
00:47:29Nothing on me
00:47:41Nothing on me
00:47:43On a carpet stand from wall to wall
00:47:51An apartment full of alcohol
00:47:53Sleepwalk around my lonely orbit
00:47:56And the ocean calls and says
00:47:59Find that girl before she's gone
00:48:01She might have a crush but it won't as long as that
00:48:04I guess
00:48:04I didn't get out of bed for weeks from here
00:48:10Hey dad, what are you doing up so early?
00:48:17No time for sleep
00:48:18Your stepmother is getting close
00:48:21Oh yeah, she's looking sharp
00:48:25You know, actually, grab a seat
00:48:27I've been meaning to talk to you
00:48:29Everything okay?
00:48:33Yeah, yeah, I'm fine
00:48:35So, you in second grade
00:48:39Amanda Morrison
00:48:41Yeah, Amanda
00:48:42You guys have spent a lot of time together this summer
00:48:46Yeah, she's really great
00:48:49You think she'd be okay with this whole bed thing you got going on?
00:48:59What the hell do I know?
00:49:01The guy making a woman out of plastic, right?
00:49:04Give me the glue, will you?
00:49:06Oh, Planet of the Apes
00:49:13No, no, no
00:49:14Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark?
00:49:18God, God no
00:49:20Oh, um, Sloth from The Goonie
00:49:28No, no, I'm Harry
00:49:30I'm Harry from Harry and the Hendersons
00:49:32I've never seen it
00:49:34You're kidding me
00:49:35You've never seen Harry and the Hendersons?
00:49:37No
00:49:37God, that was on my favorite VHS tape
00:49:39What are you talking about?
00:49:42Yeah, no, okay
00:49:42When I was growing up, my dad
00:49:44He made us this VHS tape
00:49:45That had like six movies on it
00:49:47It was made in that super poor person speed
00:49:49I guess you weren't poor, okay
00:49:50No
00:49:50Well, it had Last Starfighter, Flight of Dragons, Beastmaster, Monster Squad, and Harry and the Hendersons
00:49:59Hey, look
00:50:02I've been thinking
00:50:05Summer's almost over
00:50:07And I have had a really great time hanging out with you
00:50:11I know that we are just friends
00:50:15But what if
00:50:18We went
00:50:19What if you and I
00:50:20Went out
00:50:21If you wanted
00:50:21What if you and I went
00:50:24On a date?
00:50:26Are you?
00:50:27You are, you're asking me out
00:50:28Are you asking me out on a proper date?
00:50:30What if I was?
00:50:31I really have to do the maths on that
00:50:34I don't know
00:50:35I really think about it
00:50:37Quite frankly, I'm not attracted to you
00:50:39It would be me doing you a favor
00:50:41Oh, really?
00:50:44Yola, were you in a grease fire or something?
00:50:45Oh my God
00:50:46Maybe I can change your mind
00:50:52Ben!
00:50:56Where have you been?
00:50:58Grab me some camembert, a handful of those grapes
00:51:00And let's get the hell out of here
00:51:01It's cool
00:51:02We can pick up where we left off later on tonight
00:51:05Tonight?
00:51:07Yeah
00:51:08On our first official date
00:51:11Where?
00:51:14It's a surprise
00:51:15Just pick me up here later after work
00:51:19Okay
00:51:20Well, thanks a lot, man
00:51:30I was just about to kiss her
00:51:31You haven't hooked up with her yet?
00:51:33You've seen her 50 times this summer
00:51:34You're going to fuck this up
00:51:37How?
00:51:39How?
00:51:39What are you talking about?
00:51:40You're in love with her
00:51:41I am...
00:51:43That is not...
00:51:44How would one know, though, if they were in love?
00:51:50Close your eyes
00:51:51Okay
00:51:52Imagine yourself fucking her
00:51:56Okay
00:51:56Her pants are around her ankles
00:51:58She's bent over the bed
00:51:59It was really hot
00:52:01Her hair is kind of tousled
00:52:02You just blew a load right inside her
00:52:04Epic
00:52:05Okay, all right
00:52:05I mean, you've stained her soul
00:52:07Okay
00:52:07What do you want to do next?
00:52:11I just want to cuddle
00:52:12Fuck!
00:52:15How are you supposed to focus, man?
00:52:17When you're all fucking puppy dogs and ice cream upstairs?
00:52:19Where are we going, even?
00:52:22Hey, guy
00:52:23This thing is...
00:52:24This fucking guy is going to do it
00:52:25He has eight or nine fucking bitches there already
00:52:28Yeah, I'm telling you
00:52:29The guy that has a cock
00:52:31They're like a fucking gold cock, man
00:52:33It's very unfortunate news, Bob
00:52:34It's like a fucking broken fire hydrant
00:52:36If you see the kids playing
00:52:37This is fucking
00:52:38Fucking city
00:52:39And if one of the fucking children
00:52:41The mother came
00:52:42She slipped on the
00:52:43Are you okay?
00:52:46Because if you're not okay, I'm not okay
00:52:48He's doing much better than I thought he would
00:52:50I can't lose this bet to that lanky fuck
00:52:54We've got to get serious
00:52:56Real serious
00:52:57Operation Derailment Serious
00:53:00Denise!
00:53:03Sit down
00:53:04You nervous?
00:53:11No
00:53:12You look nervous
00:53:13Nope
00:53:13She look nervous to you?
00:53:15Definitely looks nervous
00:53:16I'm not nervous
00:53:17I'm going to cut to the chase
00:53:19We know you know about the bet
00:53:20We know you're one of the girls
00:53:22We know you blew Denton in the lobby
00:53:23There's a video
00:53:24Search, you've seen it
00:53:25It was a sweet fucking BJ
00:53:26Thank you
00:53:28You're welcome
00:53:28Here's what you need to do for me
00:53:30Help me win the bet
00:53:33How do I help you win the bet?
00:53:35I can't un-brew him
00:53:36Well, you're a crazy super stalker, right?
00:53:40You got his passwords and shit
00:53:41It's his social media info
00:53:43Email accounts
00:53:44Social security number
00:53:45Home phone
00:53:45Home address, parents phone, parents address
00:53:47I'm going to stop you right there
00:53:48We actually just need you to log in
00:53:49One of his email accounts
00:53:50And send an email to Amanda Morrison
00:53:52All right?
00:53:52Pretend to be Denton
00:53:53Say it's an emergency
00:53:54I don't give a fuck
00:53:55However you do it
00:53:55Get her over to that garage battle station
00:53:58That they have
00:53:58When she sees what he's really up to
00:54:01She's never going to talk to him again
00:54:02Let alone fuck him
00:54:03Am I right?
00:54:04And then we got this in the bag
00:54:06Paper or plastic
00:54:07Or bring her own bag
00:54:10And save the environment
00:54:11Or something
00:54:12He's just such a good guy
00:54:14I don't feel comfortable
00:54:15Like messing up his whole thing
00:54:17It's so cute
00:54:17She thinks she has a choice
00:54:19You're going to feel comfortable with it
00:54:20Or you're going to be fired
00:54:21Oh
00:54:23Go now, psycho
00:54:26What are you doing?
00:54:28Do my bidding
00:54:28What are you doing?
00:54:31Just get the fuck out of here
00:54:32Okay
00:54:33Get the fuck out of here
00:54:34Go
00:54:35I don't understand you two
00:54:38Yo, did you watch that tape?
00:54:42Oh, yeah
00:54:42Crazy ones can really suck at
00:54:43Am I right?
00:54:44No, I'm going to the psych ward
00:54:45For my next job
00:54:46This is the place
00:55:00Looks like a fucking shithole
00:55:02Wait
00:55:03Kendra lives here?
00:55:05Yeah
00:55:06And she thinks you're a doctor
00:55:07So
00:55:09You're going to want to suit up
00:55:10I'm getting a disease
00:55:12Just looking at this place
00:55:13You packing jimmies?
00:55:15No
00:55:15That's okay
00:55:16I got plenty in the glove
00:55:17Wait a minute
00:55:20Why do you have a water pistol in here?
00:55:23Oh, that's not an ordinary water pistol
00:55:25It's filled with your seed
00:55:26Why do you have a water pistol
00:55:28Filled with my seed in here?
00:55:30Oh
00:55:31Well, you know that place you donate sperm?
00:55:33Yeah
00:55:34Well, yeah
00:55:34I snuck in in the middle of the night
00:55:36And grabbed a bunch of your c**
00:55:37And filled up this water pistol here
00:55:38Why?
00:55:41Well, you know
00:55:42Just in case
00:55:43There was some chicks you couldn't pull down
00:55:45It's a contingency plan
00:55:46Okay
00:55:47You know what?
00:55:47Just give me that back
00:55:48It's my c**
00:55:49I need it
00:55:49You know what?
00:55:50I've got money
00:55:50This is important
00:55:51Can I have my
00:55:51Give me my c** back?
00:55:58Gee, sorry
00:55:58You know, I always knew you'd be successful
00:56:02I have great intuition with men
00:56:05Except for the ones that I marry
00:56:08Oh, you got a little one, do you?
00:56:14Seven
00:56:16No s**t
00:56:17Four boys, three girls
00:56:18But they're with their respected fathers tonight
00:56:21I thought that, uh, it'd be nice to give us a little privacy
00:56:25Since you were so kind to take a house call, doctor
00:56:27Doctor?
00:56:28Mm-hmm
00:56:29Is so formal
00:56:31You know, just call me Denton
00:56:33Just regular old Denton
00:56:34Will do
00:56:34So, uh, what seems to be the, uh, situation?
00:56:39Oh, yeah
00:56:39My wrist
00:56:40It's, like, really been giving me trouble
00:56:42It really hurts to think it could be
00:56:45Um
00:56:46Do you think you could help?
00:56:48I do, I do
00:56:49Uh, let's have a
00:56:51Listen to the old
00:56:53Picker
00:56:54Yeah
00:56:58Yes
00:57:00Oh, yeah
00:57:01I've heard this before
00:57:04I'm afraid you have poor circulation
00:57:05And I think you could be in immediate danger
00:57:07Oh, my c**
00:57:08What should we do?
00:57:09Well, I think we should probably start by getting you out of that tight, restrictive top
00:57:13Yeah, maybe even those tight, tight, tight pants
00:57:16Are you sure?
00:57:18Oh, yes, very sure
00:57:19Very sure
00:57:19It's the first thing we learn in doctor
00:57:21School
00:57:23Oh, that must have been so hard
00:57:26Oh, it was
00:57:27Yes, it certainly was
00:57:28But
00:57:29When you see the look of pure laughter
00:57:32On a baby child's face
00:57:34After a successful brain appointment
00:57:37It makes everything worth it
00:57:39You know that you're doing the Lord's work
00:57:41These hands
00:57:41I'll tell you
00:57:42They've seen some stories
00:57:43Oh, it's the first thing that you're doing the Lord's work
00:57:47Denton, it's me
00:57:48Oh, Amanda
00:57:50Denton, I got here as fast as I could
00:57:52Is your dad okay?
00:57:53Hold on, hold on
00:57:54Mr. Me, Mr. Me, Mr. Me
00:57:56Damn you, Phil Collins
00:57:58Amanda Morrison is here
00:58:00Ooh
00:58:01Second grade
00:58:02Denton, are you in there?
00:58:03No
00:58:04No
00:58:04No
00:58:05What are we going to do?
00:58:07What are we going to do?
00:58:08Oh, one second
00:58:09I've got to put my pants back on
00:58:10Me too
00:58:11Me too
00:58:12Good job
00:58:13Denton, are you home?
00:58:27What the hell is this?
00:58:29No
00:58:34No
00:58:34Scott's my fiance
00:58:36Did you just finish?
00:58:37No, I don't
00:58:38Wait, you have a fiance?
00:58:40Of course you have a fiance
00:58:42Kendra, I'm home
00:58:43Give me a beer
00:58:44Make sure it's cold as shit from that new fridge
00:58:46You know
00:58:47Hey, Denton
00:58:50What you doing here, boy?
00:58:51It's great to see you
00:58:52It's great to see you
00:58:53Wait a minute
00:58:54You're not here for them movies, is ya?
00:58:56Cause, you know
00:58:57I really do need a little more time on those, you know
00:58:59But, uh
00:59:01Wait a minute
00:59:02Why is she in her undies?
00:59:06And why does Grandpa have a chubby?
00:59:09Right back in Gibraltar
00:59:11Bang!
00:59:13Grandpa
00:59:14Did my woman suck this man's
00:59:15Oh
00:59:17Shucked it real good
00:59:18Cute
00:59:19Seen it?
00:59:20Elected f***** for a hole too
00:59:22Oh, his f***** hole?
00:59:23No, no, Scott
00:59:24My f***** hole is unlocked today
00:59:26You little adulterer coming into my beautiful home
00:59:29Making my angel eat at your gas station
00:59:32I got some bad, bad news for you, boy
00:59:34Your timing's all sorts of shit
00:59:36Cause I'm back on the juice, motherfucker
00:59:38I'm sorry, Doc
00:59:39He's gonna f***** you up
00:59:40Yeah, that's right
00:59:41Scott, Scott
00:59:42Just calm down for just a second
00:59:44Yeah, ooh
00:59:45What you got?
00:59:46What you got?
00:59:47F***** that shit, boy
00:59:48Come on, bring it on
00:59:49Come on, dawg
00:59:50Go your motherf***** jet, Scott
00:59:53What you gonna do?
00:59:54Shoot me with a water gun?
00:59:56Do not make me pull this trigger
00:59:58Go, town
00:59:59You can come at me with your love, in the rain with your love.
01:00:17Wiggins! Dad! You're not gonna believe this. I just hooked up with Kendra and a shot a load into Scott's mouth.
01:00:22What?
01:00:23Well, not technically I didn't shoot.
01:00:25It doesn't matter! The point is, I'm about to win this fucking bet!
01:00:31Bet! I'm part of a bet!
01:00:34Look, look, look, look. I can explain.
01:00:37Oh, you can explain? I don't think that needs explanation. This is disgusting! Are you kidding right now?
01:00:44Don't touch me! I'm so freaked out right now. I never want to see you again.
01:00:50Don't say that. Amanda, please don't!
01:00:55Who are you?
01:01:02Yeah, man. Who are you?
01:01:12I've been run out of town. Oh, I've been run out of town.
01:01:24Heard the big news. You fucked it all up.
01:01:27I gotta admit, for a second there you had me genuinely concerned. Nine girls, one guy. Not bad. I tip my dick to you, sir.
01:01:35You actually came here just to be a dick to me?
01:01:39Listen to me, you quivering pussy. This bet was your shot. I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter.
01:01:44But you, as you do, kept up the family tradition. Failure.
01:01:48It's when I think my family can't take anything else from your family. My dad takes your dad's company. I take this shithole you call a video store, and then tomorrow, when you lose that bet, I'm gonna make you and daddy homeless. You know why?
01:02:01Because you and all your little friends, you're all a bunch of fucking weirdos. I win, you lose. Suck my dick.
01:02:14See you at the game tomorrow. You can suck my dick.
01:02:20After I was watching anime porn, I catch the dude, and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, man? You look like I'm doing it. Jackson?
01:02:25Okay, dude, chill. Clearly you just need to talk about something. Talk about what, Ed? Huh? How you two ruined my life?
01:02:31Dude, you are this close to winning the bet. Don't you dare back out now.
01:02:34I don't fucking care about the bet. I don't care about the bet. I've lost the only person I want to be with.
01:02:42Scott Quaker. Goddamn it.
01:02:45What? She'll understand, right? We'll just go by her house, explain the situation. She'll get it.
01:02:51She'll understand what, Ed? That she was right? She's part of some stupid bet that my friends got me into?
01:02:56I cannot believe I let you guys convince me to do this.
01:03:02Fuck you.
01:03:04Fuck me.
01:03:05Dude, you sit here all day bitching and moaning about your life and things that happened to you, be it girls or your job.
01:03:13Man, fuck, even us.
01:03:15And when shit doesn't go your way, you go on the fucking rag and just bitch about how shit Denton's life is.
01:03:20Back me up on this, Wiggins.
01:03:21I still wet the bed. I can't really talk. Goddamn shame.
01:03:25Are you kidding me how shit my life is? Jackson, when's the last time you hooked up with it, Jack?
01:03:30Well, years? And by the way, your shakes suck. And you, Ed, you are so full of shit.
01:03:35You're this love guru except the only girl you've ever been with. You married.
01:03:40You two have been living vicariously through me, but it's not you who has the shit life. It's me.
01:03:47Get out. Just get out of here, all of you. Take this trash with you.
01:03:52Come on, Wiggins. Wiggins, get out here. Get the fuck out of here. Wiggins, get the fuck out of here.
01:04:04You've upset Wiggins. Wiggins, go. He's a fucking mess. I'll leave you one. I'll leave you one.
01:04:10Go. Wiggins is my friend now. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here.
01:04:25Dad, not you. You don't have to go.
01:04:30I refuse to let the lovely Lady Legos lose her virginity in this debt of sadness.
01:04:36You need to be alone right now anyway, son. You got a lot to think about.
01:05:06You needy and me out in the heat. Standing on rocks, burning our feet.
01:05:22We'll be filthy rich if the damn stuff burns green. Just her and me.
01:05:33And a twenty mule team.
01:05:39And the rocks is a haven.
01:05:46Out in the sun we'll be lazy.
01:05:54Losing track of the time in the cruel spring.
01:06:03Your dad's coming.
01:06:04Oh, yeah.
01:06:05Oh, how'd it go with Lady Legos?
01:06:06It was horrible.
01:06:07We all went to the field last night.
01:06:08He got butt naked.
01:06:09And it's all gathering around her as he mounted her right over there on home plate.
01:06:10On first thrust, she exploded into a million pieces.
01:06:15He just sat there defeated.
01:06:16As his bruised old boner went limp. Saddest shit I've ever seen.
01:06:19Well, well, well. Look at these video fun fucks.
01:06:21You guys excited, huh?
01:06:22You like the smell of the field, the cut grass, the stands full of quivering lady
01:06:26waiting for the bee dog to satisfy him?
01:06:27Hmm?
01:06:28God, I wanted to see you guys lose, but to see you lose in front of a packed house, life
01:06:29is fucking sweet.
01:06:30Like brown sugar on wood.
01:06:31You know what?
01:06:32You know what?
01:06:33What?
01:06:34What?
01:06:35What?
01:06:36What?
01:06:37What?
01:06:38What?
01:06:39What?
01:06:40What?
01:06:41What?
01:06:42What?
01:06:43What?
01:06:44What?
01:06:45What?
01:06:46What?
01:06:47What?
01:06:48What?
01:06:49AI Portland Metiforms.
01:06:50God.
01:06:51I wanted to see you guys lose, but to see you lose in front of a packed house, life
01:06:54is fucking sweet.
01:06:55Like brown sugar on white…
01:06:57Oh hey look y'all, president and CEO of Goldman Nutsacks.
01:07:00Sorry guys, I don't speak poor person.
01:07:03Mary Kate, Ashley, are you Ladies 18 yet?
01:07:07Jackson I know you're gonna miss this most, so really try and enjoy it, ok?
01:07:10Good luck out there, ladies.
01:07:12poisoning simply lowungость.
01:07:16Cause in the air the weather, the rain cash out better.
01:07:17官 noises.
01:07:19He almost hit that truck.
01:07:31Gentlemen, it's been an honor serving with you on that battlefield.
01:07:37You fought like warrior poets in the days of old.
01:07:43But I ask you one last time to fight with me.
01:07:49Can you do that?
01:07:51Fight! With! Me!
01:07:54Come on!
01:07:57Spit on me.
01:07:59I got some in my mouth.
01:08:01Thanks for coming out, folks, to the last game of the season.
01:08:04It's gonna be a doozy.
01:08:06Now that is Jackson Pride.
01:08:11What's in it?
01:08:12Jackson's Shake Masterpiece, the final c*** down.
01:08:16That was a good pick.
01:08:19There's something I need to talk to you about.
01:08:21Oh, yeah? What is that?
01:08:23Balls on chin.
01:08:24Dude, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, man.
01:08:27Remember the Tri-County Little League Championships?
01:08:29Yeah. Yeah, I could forget you got hit in the face twice in one game.
01:08:33Taking those two balls to the chin was the best thing I ever did.
01:08:37What do you mean?
01:08:39Everyone knew I wasn't gonna get on base.
01:08:41And if I struck out, which I was going to, the game would've been over, right?
01:08:45My only option to get on base was to get hit by a pitch.
01:08:48Wait a minute, you did that on purpose?
01:08:50Yeah.
01:08:51I had to drink through a straw for three months, and it was worth it.
01:08:54We won because I didn't accept the sh**y hand of cards that fate dealt me.
01:08:58I took destiny into my own hands.
01:09:00Old man opportunity knocked.
01:09:02The sixth grade version of myself answered the door.
01:09:05And then...
01:09:06I took his two balls on my chin.
01:09:13No, no, no, no!
01:09:14Run, run!
01:09:15Push your glove!
01:09:16Push your glove!
01:09:17Push your glove!
01:09:19Sleep!
01:09:23It's the leadoff hit!
01:09:25F**k!
01:09:26All your mothers!
01:09:28All of them!
01:09:30You're up, D!
01:09:32Let's light this b**ch up!
01:09:33On your games, boys!
01:09:35Now, boys, let's do this!
01:09:39Now, Benny, that's him bigger!
01:09:43You b**ch!
01:09:46You b**ch!
01:09:48You know what, Lucas?
01:09:49Oh, do you want some, I say?
01:09:50According to this contract, the bet's not over until the end of the season, right?
01:09:54Yeah?
01:09:55Well, there's still eight things left to win this thing.
01:09:58Okay!
01:09:59Hey, Jackson!
01:10:00Okay!
01:10:01Game's not over, boys!
01:10:05You're right.
01:10:06I have been a pussy.
01:10:12I need you to stall this game.
01:10:16Ah!
01:10:18Oh!
01:10:20Uh-oh!
01:10:21Yeah!
01:10:22Help!
01:10:23Oh, my jockstrap is twisted around my balls!
01:10:25Oh, come on!
01:10:26Delay a game, Blue!
01:10:27You know, I wanted to wear it like Maris did during his 61 home run season.
01:10:32I read that he did that on the back of his baseball card.
01:10:36Bullshit, Jackson!
01:10:37Uh, a card collector.
01:10:38Uh, tops.
01:10:40Hey!
01:10:41Focus!
01:10:42Don't look at him!
01:10:43Look at me!
01:10:44Upper deck.
01:10:45Don't look at me!
01:10:46Uh, Fleer.
01:10:47Wax packs.
01:10:48Where you going?
01:10:49A peachy.
01:10:50Vacly sealed.
01:10:51What?
01:10:53Wait, is he gay now?
01:10:54No, no, it's a metaphor.
01:10:55Uh, Honus Wagner.
01:10:56The Honus Wagner card.
01:10:58Blue!
01:10:59Delay a game!
01:11:00Blue!
01:11:01Oh, God!
01:11:02Ow!
01:11:03It's like a hangman's noose!
01:11:24And that was The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss.
01:11:26Do you guys know what the moral of the story is?
01:11:30The moral of the story is that there was this one boy Sneetch who was confused.
01:11:36What are you doing?
01:11:37There was this girl Sneetch who was amazing and beautiful and funny and confident in who she is.
01:11:47And he thought to himself, he thought, you know what?
01:11:50You know what I need?
01:11:51I need a couple stars under my belt to really impress this girl.
01:11:55No, the girl Sneetch.
01:11:57So he goes over to his boys in Whoville and he says to them, they're like, you know what,
01:12:00dude?
01:12:01You need, you need to be confident.
01:12:03You need to be like, like the cat in the hat.
01:12:06So he goes over and he slams some beers with, with thing one and thing two.
01:12:09He hits the town.
01:12:10He hooks up with a bunch of chicks.
01:12:12That's not, that's not who he is.
01:12:16That's not what he's about.
01:12:18He's more like the Lorax in reality.
01:12:21Planting grickle grass and climbing truncula trees and, and smoking cheebs with the barbaloids.
01:12:29What are you trying to say?
01:12:30Amanda, I fell in love with you this summer.
01:12:35I screwed it up, I just, I screwed it up.
01:12:42But you need to know that the man that I was when I was with you, that's who I really am.
01:12:48Yeah, the Sneetch may have stolen a blind girl's glasses and shot a pistol in dude's mouth.
01:12:54That happened.
01:12:55That did.
01:12:56I'm not asking you for a second chance.
01:12:59If this is the last time I get to see you, then I understand.
01:13:03But you need to know that from now on, I'm going to be who I really am.
01:13:11Who I always was.
01:13:15The Sneetch knows where his real star is.
01:13:22Okay.
01:13:23I'm so lonely.
01:13:34How you doing boys?
01:13:39Good man, bottom of nine, all tied up.
01:13:42How'd it go?
01:13:44Um, not, uh, not the smoothest actually.
01:13:48At least I came clean to her.
01:13:51Yeah, well, you're a better man for it and all that.
01:13:55Right.
01:13:56You're up, D!
01:13:57Here we go!
01:13:58Here we go!
01:13:59Big D!
01:14:01Here we go!
01:14:02Here we go!
01:14:03Moving back!
01:14:04Here we go!
01:14:05Big hitter!
01:14:06Big hitter!
01:14:07Let's go!
01:14:08Dead man walking!
01:14:13Everyone's getting fucked in the ass.
01:14:15I'm going to fuck so many bitches in your house, it's going to be disgusting.
01:14:18Every single one of these fucked students up to me.
01:14:21Yeah, your old bedroom?
01:14:22It's going to be painted in my s***.
01:14:26Time out!
01:14:33Hey!
01:14:34Hey!
01:14:35Hi!
01:14:36Hi!
01:14:37Denton, did you really mean what you said?
01:14:41It's the most honest I've been all summer.
01:14:43This is bullshit!
01:14:44Is this bet really that important to you?
01:14:46No.
01:14:47Come on!
01:14:48It's not as important as being with you.
01:14:51Let's play ball!
01:14:52Let's play ball!
01:15:06Not a full on Louisville chubber.
01:15:08Me too.
01:15:12Now go with this game.
01:15:18Hey!
01:15:19Amanda?
01:15:20Hi!
01:15:21Yeah!
01:15:22I'm Denise Davids.
01:15:23You don't know me.
01:15:24Listen, I'm not going to hurt you, okay?
01:15:26I do have to show you something.
01:15:28Right now.
01:15:29It's important.
01:15:30You may not like it.
01:15:32But you might.
01:15:34Here we go, D!
01:15:35Knock his c*** right off of his body!
01:15:37We want pain!
01:15:38We want to see blood!
01:15:39Here we go!
01:15:40Alright.
01:15:41Let's see what you've got.
01:15:46This one's for you, daddy.
01:15:47Oh, son, I'm so proud.
01:15:49Here we go, D!
01:15:50Right in this c***y!
01:15:51Right in this c***y!
01:15:52Here we go!
01:15:53Here we go!
01:15:54Big head up!
01:15:55Big head up!
01:15:57You've always made me proud.
01:15:58And you know what?
01:15:59Your mama was proud, too.
01:16:01I'm not kidding.
01:16:02I'm not kidding.
01:16:11Yo, B!
01:16:12We've got a problem, dog!
01:16:13Now, sir, shut up!
01:16:14Last night's movie leaked!
01:16:15Are you shitting me?
01:16:17Is this train going to Paris?
01:16:19Why, indeed it is, ma'am.
01:16:21All aboard!
01:16:22Next up, the Eiffel Tower!
01:16:24I love the correct thing!
01:16:26Well, then you are in luck, ma'am, because we have two.
01:16:29Oh!
01:16:30Oh!
01:16:31Oh!
01:16:32Get a move it!
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:34Oh!
01:16:35Oh!
01:16:36Oh!
01:16:37Oh!
01:16:38Oh!
01:16:39Oh!
01:16:40Oh!
01:16:41Oh!
01:16:42I don't understand!
01:16:44Oh!
01:16:47Oh!
01:16:49Oh!
01:16:52Oh!
01:16:53Oh!
01:16:56Oh!
01:17:01Oh!
01:17:03Oh!
01:18:06Actually, Lucas, no, he didn't.
01:18:09You're bitch 11. He's still one bit shy.
01:18:11That means your house is mine, and I'm going to burn it to the goddamn ground right after I take a huge shitting.
01:18:18Denise, I think you have one more text message to send.
01:18:22Wait?
01:18:22For our next motion picture, the Pole Hill Express.
01:18:37Is this train going to the South Pole?
01:18:43It isn't, ma'am, but you can go south on my pole.
01:18:47Let me slide on down.
01:18:50Low down, low down.
01:18:52Feed up.
01:18:53Oh, that's nice.
01:18:54Oh, that's a lot of eggnog.
01:18:56You're welcome.
01:18:57Merry Christmas to you.
01:18:58Twelve girls in one summer.
01:19:03Damn.
01:19:05Now, as my first official act as the new CEO of Mr. B's gourmet condoms,
01:19:11Mr. Lucas, you're fucking fired.
01:19:13Oh!
01:19:13Brandon, you are super fucking fired.
01:19:18What the hell is going on?
01:19:20A contract signed by Brandon himself.
01:19:26Daddy, I can explain.
01:19:28God damn fucking moron!
01:19:33I'm sorry, Daddy!
01:19:34You greedy little shit!
01:19:35I'm sorry! I was trying!
01:19:36Jesus Christ!
01:19:37Yeah, that's right.
01:19:38You guys can suck our black d***s.
01:19:41Yeah, man, you can suck all our black d***s.
01:19:44That's right, boy.
01:19:45Now, as my second official act as the CEO,
01:19:48I intend to return the company back to its original owner and creator.
01:19:52The world's greatest inventor.
01:19:54My dad.
01:19:56Me?
01:19:57Yes.
01:19:57You're giving it to me?
01:19:58Yes.
01:19:59Me?
01:19:59Yes.
01:19:59Oh, my God.
01:20:01I kind of have a theme for inventors.
01:20:06And you.
01:20:07Yeah.
01:20:08But there's still something.
01:20:11The hell you.
01:20:13Boo!
01:20:14Oh!
01:20:14Dad!
01:20:15Dad?
01:20:15That's right, Brandon.
01:20:17We throw low around here.
01:20:19Boo!
01:20:19I love this!
01:20:21Dang, Jimmy's on these b***hs!
01:20:23Get him up!
01:20:24Throw him up!
01:20:26On him!
01:20:27Get on him!
01:20:28Look, Amanda, about these last couple of months...
01:20:31Screw your past.
01:20:32Besides, I still haven't told you about my summer.
01:20:43What?
01:20:43Saying ain't nobody can stop me.
01:20:45They better sit back and watch me.
01:20:47For really, though.
01:20:48These niggas are silly, though.
01:20:49They think that I'm flopping.
01:20:50No, this isn't kinko.
01:20:52You cannot make copies.
01:20:53And just because you're a dick, you do not have to be cocky.
01:20:55Feeling like I'm holy, though.
01:20:57Slowing like it's snow.
01:20:58And me and 4-5 of the homies, girls, acting like they know me.
01:21:00Come on, rolly, though.
01:21:01Well, this is just the life of knowing you the s***.
01:21:04And I don't think I'm ever gonna quit.
01:21:06Nah.
01:21:07Party at my place.
01:21:09We gon' be faded.
01:21:10It's gon' be fun.
01:21:11You're all invited.
01:21:13And I'ma bring my friends.
01:21:14We'll have a good time under the sun.
01:21:17We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
01:21:22We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
01:21:27This is over, fuckin' weirdo.
01:21:29Game head's here, bro.
01:21:30Make it white, buddy.
01:21:31I call it that Rob the Zero.
01:21:33Young cus known to make your buzz disappear-o.
01:21:36Want this song and drop your followers a zero.
01:21:38Hey, yo, doggie dooter.
01:21:40Did you really think that you could do-do-do-do anything as good as me?
01:21:43You need a shrink, yo.
01:21:44You're as good as me?
01:21:45No.
01:21:45If you really think so, you must really think slow, cause you're not.
01:21:49These girls are on my dock round the clock, cause I'm probably hot.
01:21:52I could make a fuckin' country song, and it'll probably pop.
01:21:54Hey, yo, Taylor.
01:21:55I'd really love to tell her.
01:21:57I could rock the boat if she let me be her sailor.
01:21:59So let me get this straight.
01:22:03You owned the company.
01:22:05Yep.
01:22:06You stole the company.
01:22:07Yep.
01:22:08You won it back because your son won a bet where you had to sleep with 12 girls in a summer?
01:22:15Whole summer.
01:22:16You nailed it.
01:22:18Huh.
01:22:22Gluten free.
01:22:24Gluten free.
01:22:25Snick, Snick, Snick, Snicky Beats.
01:22:42Sneaky bitch
01:22:44Sneak, sneak, sneaky bitch
01:22:46Sneaky bitch
01:22:47After the show, make me backstage
01:22:50You can give me a sneaky bitch
01:22:52Who feed boos and a bag of sheaves
01:22:53That's a recipe for a sneaky bitch
01:22:55I'm a senator, you're my peach
01:22:57And my folks give me a sneaky bitch
01:22:59Open that laptop, go ask Jeeves
01:23:01When I'm gonna find a sneaky bitch
01:23:03Sneak, sneak, sneaky bitch
01:23:05Sneaky bitch
01:23:06Sneak, sneak, sneaky bitch
01:23:08Sneaky bitch
01:23:10Sneak, sneak, sneaky bitch
01:23:12Sneaky bitch
01:23:14Sneak, sneak, sneaky bitch
01:23:16Sneaky bitch
01:23:17Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble
01:23:20I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble
01:23:22Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble
01:23:23I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble
01:23:25Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble
01:23:27I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble
01:23:29Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble
01:23:31I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble
01:23:33Blow a cum bubble on four of me
01:23:36You do not know what this is
01:23:40This is why you do not swallow my cum
01:23:42But you take it
01:23:44To the front of your mouth
01:23:46And pucker your lips
01:23:48And blow a bubble
01:23:50Use your imagination
01:23:52Yes, yes, very good
01:23:54Uh, uh, uh, uh
01:23:56There goes my cum bubble
01:23:57Snick, sick, sneaky bitch
01:23:59Slinky bitch
01:24:01Snick, sick, sneaky bitch
01:24:03Slinky bitch
01:24:05Snick, sick, sneaky bitch
01:24:07Slinky bitch
01:24:08Snick, slick, sneaky bitch
01:24:10Slinky bitch
01:24:12I hope these truths to be self-evident
01:24:18I'll lead to a death residence
01:24:20Where duty sediment
01:24:21Is resident
01:24:23In your butthole, bitch
01:24:26I'm in love with the stripper
01:24:27With the dollar in her butt
01:24:29With the dollar in her butt
01:24:32I'm in love with the stripper
01:24:34With the dollar in her butt
01:24:36With the dollar in her butt
01:24:37With the dollar in her butt
01:24:39Sorry, George Washington
01:24:40About that dookie on your chin
01:24:42Bookie mouth, chubby sprout
01:24:44You know I had to put you in
01:24:45Deep into the dookie hole
01:24:47Watch it sliding down that pole
01:24:49How it look, no disease
01:24:50Oh, let's go pop those cherry trees
01:24:52I'm in love with the stripper
01:24:53With the Lincoln where it's stinking
01:24:55With the Lincoln and a stink?
01:24:57No, I'm talking about the pink
01:24:58I'm in love with the stripper
01:25:00With the Lincoln where it's stinking
01:25:01With the Lincoln and a stink?
01:25:03No, I'm talking about a pink
01:25:05About the pink
01:25:05About the pink, about the stave
01:25:06Hold that nose, you be brave
01:25:08Talk that poop, where's the scoop?
01:25:09You gotta look, does she shave?
01:25:11Get his bird, show about hairy
01:25:13North and south is super scary
01:25:14See that butthole you be wearing
01:25:16John was spooky derriere
01:25:18I'm in love with the stripper
01:25:19With Ben Frank and a stink?
01:25:21You put a Benji in her stink?
01:25:23My baby poops back
01:25:24I'm in love with the stripper
01:25:26With Ben Frank and a stink?
01:25:27You put a Benji in her stink?
01:25:29My baby poops back
01:25:31Damn homies, you gon' go broke
01:25:36Come on bitch, ship me out a buck
01:25:39Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
01:26:09This guy is very macho, this guy is very macho, this guy is very macho, this guy is very macho, is really a woman.
01:26:39This guy is very macho, this guy is very macho, this guy is really a woman.
01:27:09He is usually a woman, you call me three four of them, this guy is very macho, this guy is frontal, this guy is very macho, this guy is化.
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