In this parody of the sword and sorcery films, a princess is deposed by an evil sorcerer. She enlists the aid of Deathstalker to battle the forces of evil.
#movies #horror
#movies #horror
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TVTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:20Is that where she keeps it?
00:00:21Mm-hmm.
00:00:30Oh, my God.
00:01:00Oh, oh, oh.
00:01:06Oh, oh, oh.
00:01:08Oh.
00:01:19Whoa.
00:01:28Oh.
00:01:30Oh.
00:01:32Oh.
00:01:36Oh.
00:01:38Oh.
00:01:42Oh, oh.
00:01:50Oh.
00:01:51Oh, oh, oh.
00:01:56Oh.
00:01:58Come on, come on, get up.
00:02:15I'll have my revenge, and Deathstalker, too.
00:02:28Deathstalker, too.
00:02:58Deathstalker, too.
00:03:28Deathstalker, too.
00:03:43Let me go! Let me go!
00:03:52Quiet, or you'll eat steel for dinner.
00:03:55Looks like you've eaten everything else.
00:03:57Shut up, you little wench.
00:03:59This town's got no room for beggars.
00:04:02I am not a beggar. I'm a seer.
00:04:05Even the king knows that.
00:04:07All too well, girl. You're lucky to get away with your life.
00:04:10Look, his highness asked for a prophecy,
00:04:12and that's what he got.
00:04:13In my kingdom, a man would delight to learn his wife would sue me with child.
00:04:17But not by another man, eh, Marco?
00:04:19I call him as I see him, good or bad.
00:04:22Even I can predict what's going to happen to you.
00:04:25Give me a break. How's an oracle supposed to make a living?
00:04:28The king wants you off the castle grounds, now!
00:04:31You can't treat me like this. I'm a princess.
00:04:34Right, right. And I'm Merlin the magician.
00:04:37Yeah, now be off with you, princess of beggars.
00:04:40You'll be sorry.
00:04:42You're the one that's going to be sorry.
00:04:44Let's get her.
00:04:52No, boys.
00:04:53Who the hell are you?
00:04:54Ordinarily, I don't mind seeing a woman get a good beating if she deserves it.
00:04:58Yeah.
00:04:59But this doesn't look like much of a contest to me.
00:05:02You picked the wrong town to stop in, stranger.
00:05:05He's gonna stop here permanently.
00:05:07You know who we are.
00:05:11The village idiot and the two runners-up.
00:05:13Get him!
00:05:28Hey, take it easy. I don't even know these guys.
00:05:30Hi.
00:05:46Hello.
00:05:48Hello?
00:06:18whoa.
00:06:19Whoa!
00:06:23Oh, get some Ba List.
00:06:29Huh?
00:06:30Whoa!
00:06:34Whoa, Dad it!
00:06:36Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:06:37You know, I got a nice big room upstairs.
00:06:51What do you say the three of us go up there and...
00:06:54I need to talk to you.
00:06:55Line form's a little right.
00:06:56You gotta help me.
00:06:58One rescue a day.
00:07:00That's my policy.
00:07:02It's a matter of life and death.
00:07:04Do the words walk east till your hat floats mean anything to you?
00:07:08Hey, you princess.
00:07:09I thought we told you to get out of town.
00:07:11Come here.
00:07:22Come here.
00:07:23Look at him.
00:07:24Grab the truck.
00:07:25Come here.
00:07:26Come here.
00:07:27Come here.
00:07:28Come here.
00:07:29Come here.
00:07:30Come here.
00:07:31Come here.
00:07:32Come here.
00:07:33Well...
00:07:39Come here.
00:07:40Oh.
00:07:41Woo-hoo.
00:07:42Oh.
00:07:43Oh.
00:07:44Oh.
00:07:45Ooh-oh.
00:07:46Come here.
00:07:47Woo-ah.
00:07:48Come here.
00:07:49Come here.
00:07:51Come here.
00:07:52Come here.
00:07:53Oh, man.
00:07:54Come here.
00:07:55Come here.
00:07:56Let's go!
00:08:26What are you doing?
00:08:33What are you doing?
00:08:35Look out!
00:08:37Behind you!
00:08:39Come on! Come on! The back door! Let's go!
00:09:09Let's get out of here!
00:09:20After them!
00:09:39I'm Evie!
00:09:57Deathstalker!
00:09:59Deathstalker?
00:10:00Uh-huh!
00:10:01Is that your first name or your last name?
00:10:09They're getting it!
00:10:39You're good.
00:10:48Helps in my line of work.
00:10:50What line of work is that?
00:10:52Oh, I like to call it the wealth redistribution business.
00:10:55Oh, so you rob from the rich and give to the poor.
00:10:58No, I rob from the rich and pretty much keep it.
00:11:01Do you think we lost them?
00:11:03You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to catch the Prince of Thieves.
00:11:09It is pretty early in the morning!
00:11:11Yah! Yah!
00:11:14Get up!
00:11:16Yah!
00:11:17Yah!
00:11:27Hold it, which way they go?
00:11:30I don't know.
00:11:31You go north.
00:11:32I'll have some.
00:11:33I'll double back. We'll meet here, but find them!
00:11:35Yeah, I think we finally lost them
00:11:49Starving here just a second haven't had a thing to eat since last night of the Boots
00:11:58Here try it. It's my specialty. Oh specialty, huh?
00:12:01Like it hmm, very good. Um, grab some water too, please
00:12:17Thank you that was great great boy, you must have really been hungry mm-hmm more oh
00:12:24No
00:12:25Couldn't eat another bite couldn't eat another bite. I know I kind of messed things up for you before
00:12:31Excuse me. Just struck me funny
00:12:36But I'm willing to make it up to you. I'm listening I can tell your future
00:12:41No, really, I'm a seer. It's a gift I've had since childhood
00:12:46Okay, things can't get much worse. I guess shoot
00:12:51Spirits of tomorrow
00:12:53Hear my call
00:12:55I want to keep that to a minimum. I see you embarking on a heroic quest
00:13:03It shall become legend and storytellers shall recount your many exploits down through the ages
00:13:09Well, I sure hope they get my name right an image is coming to me
00:13:14Yes, I see it so clear a young woman
00:13:18No a princess a princess a princess she rich she's calling to you
00:13:25Help me help me death stalker only you can save me
00:13:30She's in trouble. Oh big trouble a matter of life or death
00:13:35What I see someone else dark and evil
00:13:42This is bad. This is real bad. The princess is being imprisoned by Jarek an evil sorcerer are there any other kind?
00:13:52He's also a great swordsman even greater than death stalker better than me wait
00:13:59He's laughing at you
00:14:01Come and get me death stalker if you dare
00:14:05What the sorcerer where do I find him in the land of?
00:14:09Jafir
00:14:11Oh, it's a long and perilous journey. Oh figures many dangers
00:14:16Witches dragons ogres let's get down on the torch trade
00:14:20You shall confront them all emerge victorious and reap a fabulous reward
00:14:25The all-seen-eye never lies
00:14:29And this is gonna get me into the legends right up there with Conan
00:14:33Oh
00:14:34Oh
00:14:36Whoa
00:14:38Uh
00:14:40Sorry
00:14:41You're right. Yes. What about the reward when I know more you know more?
00:14:47Well, that sells it then. I'm out of here
00:14:50Where you going?
00:14:52Let's go
00:14:53Not getting any younger you know go
00:14:56To Jafir now you got it sis
00:15:00Wait a minute. Well, wait a minute
00:15:03There's still more soup
00:15:21Next
00:15:23Have you found the princess yet?
00:15:27I'm working on it. She won't get far
00:15:29You should have never let her escape
00:15:33She might come back and take a throw
00:15:35A waif pretending to be a princess?
00:15:39Who would believe it?
00:15:40Why don't you just kill her?
00:15:44Evie darling, we've gone over this a dozen times before
00:15:50I created you from the original soul of the princess
00:15:55An exact duplicate in all respects
00:15:57Unfortunately, I haven't had time to work out the bugs
00:15:59In other words, if she dies
00:16:01You die
00:16:03But once I've made a few minor adjustments in the formula
00:16:05I can duplicate anyone, then eliminate the original
00:16:13Now my dear, please run along
00:16:15These brief practice sessions are the only leisure I allow myself
00:16:21And I enjoy them so much more
00:16:23Alone
00:16:25I'll be in my chamber
00:16:29Waiting
00:16:30As you wish, my dear
00:16:31As you wish
00:16:32As you wish
00:16:33Next
00:16:34Sultana
00:16:41You know how I hate standing in line
00:16:44You look marvelous
00:16:46Lovely as a rose
00:16:47We can dispense with the pleasantries
00:16:49If you don't mind
00:16:50After what you've done to me
00:16:52I'd hardly call this visit a pleasure
00:16:54Whatever do you mean, my dear?
00:16:55You never would have been able to put that little blonde bitch of yours
00:16:58Up on the throne without my help
00:17:00Let alone get rid of the real one
00:17:03You were paid handsomely
00:17:04I did not come here to bicker with you, Jerak, my dear
00:17:07I have a proposition for you
00:17:09You wish to have the Princess Evie return to you
00:17:12I wish to settle a score with a certain varlet
00:17:14Who is escorting her back here
00:17:16I have a man shadowing them now
00:17:18Doubtless you'll remember Chin the buccaneer
00:17:20Chin, the one eye
00:17:22The man's a second-rate amateur
00:17:24In any event, you will assist him
00:17:26Evie is mine
00:17:28And the meddler?
00:17:29Deathstalker
00:17:31Deathstalker?
00:17:33Oh, very well, he's yours
00:17:35Enjoy
00:17:35Done
00:17:36Always a pleasure, Sultana
00:17:39Likewise, I'm sure
00:17:41Next!
00:17:42Which way, oh mighty oracle?
00:17:49Why did they call you the Prince of Thieves?
00:17:54Some of the best
00:17:55But you're not a real man's
00:17:56Which way?
00:17:57The west road
00:17:58The west road
00:17:59Are you sure?
00:18:00Absolutely, the crystal ball never lets me down
00:18:01The west road
00:18:02The west road
00:18:03You sure about that?
00:18:04The west road
00:18:06The west road
00:18:07If you had the chance to marry a real princess
00:18:08Would you do it?
00:18:09No, I wouldn't
00:18:10Why not?
00:18:11Because being a princess brings out the worst
00:18:12in a woman
00:18:13Always whining and pouting
00:18:14Always whining and pouting
00:18:15Always whining and pouting
00:18:16And acting like a spoiled brat if they don't get their own way off
00:18:18Oh, oh, oh
00:18:19They're not a real man's
00:18:20This way
00:18:21Which way?
00:18:22The west road
00:18:23Are you sure?
00:18:24Absolutely
00:18:25The crystal ball never lets me down
00:18:26The west road
00:18:28You sure about that?
00:18:29The west road
00:18:30If you had the chance to marry a real princess, would you do it?
00:18:34No, I wouldn't
00:18:35Why not?
00:18:36Because being a princess brings out the worst in a woman
00:18:37Always whining and pouting and acting like a spoiled brat
00:18:39If they don't get their own way off
00:18:41Always whining and pouting and acting like a spoiled little brat
00:18:44if they don't get their own way off.
00:19:01Give it to me, Chen. What do you got?
00:19:03That stalker's as good as in the grave.
00:19:06Look, sailor, don't carve a tombstone so readily.
00:19:09He has as many lives as a cat.
00:19:12And remember, the last one belongs to me.
00:19:15If he's made of flesh and blood, he can die.
00:19:18Never underestimate the strength of an enemy,
00:19:21especially an accomplished fighter like Stalker.
00:19:24You telling me how to do my job, Sultana?
00:19:26Just giving you some friendly advice.
00:19:28Well, keep it to yourself.
00:19:30I'll bring Stalker to you on a platter, like a piece of raw meat.
00:19:34Oh, yeah?
00:19:35Yeah, I've got just the butchers to do it.
00:19:39Say hello to Crazy Otto Rheingold, the mad Prussian,
00:19:42solely responsible for the Lemurian massacres
00:19:44that killed hundreds and left thousands homeless.
00:19:47I'm sure you recognize Ed the Hedge Shemansky,
00:19:50five years on the Genghis Khan strike force,
00:19:52part-time consultant to Attila the Hun.
00:19:54Next, John the Baptist Bombasso, drowning the specialty.
00:19:58Beside him, Nick the Crippler of Kashmir.
00:20:02I think his name says it all.
00:20:04And last but not least, a real find.
00:20:07Buddy Footstool Rosa,
00:20:09only recently dismissed by Ivan the Terrible
00:20:11for excessive brutality.
00:20:16Still skeptical?
00:20:17You bet I am.
00:20:20Suit yourself.
00:20:22Come on, boys.
00:20:32Okay, men, let him have it.
00:20:34Close, man, but don't kill, not yet.
00:21:04Let the Men go in.
00:21:06But goodnight.
00:21:07And then?
00:21:08Let the men go in.
00:21:09And then?
00:21:10Let the men go in.
00:21:11Let the men go in.
00:21:12What did the men go in?
00:21:13Let the men go in.
00:21:14How did the men go in?
00:21:15Who could the men go in?
00:21:16What's going in?
00:21:18You bet I'm the men go.
00:21:19Why?
00:21:20So little men go in.
00:21:21Got to look again.
00:21:22I'm sorry?
00:21:23You bet I'm the men go out.
00:21:24You ought to get ready to go in.
00:21:26And then?
00:21:27Who could the men go out?
00:21:28And then?
00:21:29I think we'd better find another way.
00:21:40Oh, really? You think so?
00:21:42West Road, right.
00:21:44I...
00:21:44Who are they?
00:21:48You tell me. You're the seer.
00:21:49Well, they're trying to kill us.
00:21:52Somebody give the lady a cigar.
00:21:55Look, if they were trying to kill us,
00:21:56they could have done it way back down the road.
00:21:58No, they're after something.
00:22:00You sure you're telling me everything?
00:22:02I told you it was going to be a long and perilous journey, didn't I?
00:22:05Yeah, yeah, witches, ogres, all that bad stuff.
00:22:14You and your visions.
00:22:19Maybe these had come in handy.
00:22:23Where are you going?
00:22:25Just stay put.
00:22:26I want to help.
00:22:27You've done plenty already.
00:22:35That'll be fine, boys.
00:22:37Save your arrows.
00:22:57Stop!
00:22:58Don't leave me.
00:22:59No!
00:23:00Oh!
00:23:01Oh!
00:23:02Oh!
00:23:03Oh!
00:23:03Oh!
00:23:20Oh!
00:23:21Ah!
00:23:51Stalker?
00:24:00Stalker!
00:24:21Throw your sword down, or I'll cut her pretty little throat.
00:24:39Go ahead.
00:24:41Cut it.
00:24:42You rat!
00:24:44You were gonna let him kill me!
00:24:50Now, would I do a thing like that?
00:24:53Come on, let's go find that horse and get the hell out of here.
00:24:56Oh, and, uh, would you mind taking that knife out of that guy for me?
00:25:00It's the only one I got left.
00:25:03Oh!
00:25:06Wait a minute!
00:25:08What do you want?
00:25:09Were you really gonna let him kill me?
00:25:10Just, Stalker?
00:25:11You weren't really gonna let him kill me, were you?
00:25:13Huh?
00:25:14No, you wouldn't do that.
00:25:15Just, Stalker?
00:25:20Ah, you're back.
00:25:24Minus the fearless five.
00:25:26You should've listened to me.
00:25:28You want a bitch?
00:25:29Bitch to Jarek.
00:25:30I'm calling him right now.
00:25:32What news have you?
00:25:47Bad news, Lord Jarek.
00:25:49I hate bad news.
00:25:51It spoils my day.
00:25:52I got an idea.
00:25:53Come closer.
00:25:55I'll kill that son of a bitch if it kills me.
00:26:00You may rest assured that it will.
00:26:19So long, sailor.
00:26:25Well, look what we have here.
00:26:42Pookie, huh?
00:26:43Yeah.
00:26:50Stalker?
00:26:51I still don't understand why you want to break in there.
00:26:54Because we're broke, that's why.
00:26:55What's that got to do with anything?
00:26:57That's a family mausoleum.
00:27:00There are probably more jewels in there than we could carry out.
00:27:06You're about to become a very rich woman.
00:27:09I was just starting to enjoy poverty.
00:27:11Come on, where's your sense of adventure?
00:27:13This isn't adventure, it's just damn scary.
00:27:16Yeah, but when legend's told, I want people to think we face this bravely.
00:27:21When the legend's told, nobody's gonna believe we were this stupid.
00:27:30Stalker?
00:27:31Huh?
00:27:32I heard somewhere it was bad luck to walk over graves.
00:27:34I heard it was only the open ones.
00:27:37Wait a minute.
00:27:38What?
00:27:39I just remembered.
00:27:40My hut.
00:27:41I left the door unlocked.
00:27:43We gotta go back.
00:27:44You don't have a door.
00:27:46I don't?
00:27:47No.
00:27:48Oh, yeah.
00:27:51What was that?
00:27:55The wind.
00:27:56It should get oiled.
00:27:58It came from in there.
00:28:00You bet it did.
00:28:02Stalker, you're not really going in there.
00:28:04Don't go in there.
00:28:05It's dark.
00:28:06Look, relax, will you?
00:28:11Well, come on in.
00:28:12What are you waiting for?
00:28:13Oh, come on.
00:28:14It's a little smelly, but what could happen?
00:28:15Help me!
00:28:16Help me!
00:28:17Help me!
00:28:18Help me!
00:28:19Help me!
00:28:20Help me!
00:28:21Help me!
00:28:22Help me!
00:28:23Help me!
00:28:24Help me!
00:28:25Help me!
00:28:26Help me!
00:28:27Help me!
00:28:28Help me!
00:28:29Help me!
00:28:30Help me!
00:28:31Help me!
00:28:32Help me!
00:28:33Help me!
00:28:36Help me!
00:28:37Help me!
00:28:39Help me!
00:28:40Help me!
00:28:42Help me!
00:28:43Ура!
00:28:44match hope...
00:28:45Stalker?
00:28:46svp
00:28:49Flug
00:28:50nä
00:28:51ev
00:28:55whit
00:29:01You know, grave robbing is not only morally repulsive, but I believe it carries a rather
00:29:22stiff penalty in these parts.
00:29:25Who the hell are you?
00:29:27Forgive me for not introducing myself properly, but I assumed a person with even your living
00:29:31deductive power as could have guessed.
00:29:34Jerick.
00:29:46Stalker!
00:30:01Get out here!
00:30:05Stalker, get out here!
00:30:07I'd offer you my hand, sir, but it's both tiring and inconvenient to be at two places at once,
00:30:14even for a sorcerer.
00:30:16So if you'll be so good as to excuse me, I have a rather pressing engagement to attend
00:30:20to.
00:30:21And oh, by the way, I've arranged one for you as well.
00:30:24Oh, son of a bitch.
00:30:38Oh, the old crushing war routine, huh?
00:30:41You couldn't do better than this?
00:30:42Stalker!
00:30:50Stalker!
00:30:52Stalker!
00:30:59Stalker!
00:31:02Stalker!
00:31:04Stalker!
00:31:08God, we'll see her love around here someplace.
00:31:10Oh.
00:31:12Uh-huh.
00:31:20Stalker!
00:31:22Oh!
00:31:23Stalker!
00:31:33No!
00:31:34No!
00:31:34No!
00:31:35No!
00:31:35No!
00:31:36No!
00:31:36No!
00:31:37No!
00:31:37No!
00:31:38No!
00:31:39No!
00:31:39No!
00:31:41Oscar!
00:31:59Get out of here!
00:32:02Oscar!
00:32:04Oscar, get out of here!
00:32:07Ah!
00:32:08Leave me alone for five minutes.
00:32:16Look what happens.
00:32:18Come on.
00:32:20Come on.
00:32:21I'm coming.
00:32:22I'm coming.
00:32:34Yeah.
00:32:35Yeah.
00:32:36Come on.
00:32:36Yeah.
00:32:38Don't you know another tune?
00:32:57Get out of here!
00:33:06It's happening again!
00:33:08It's happening!
00:33:11Guards!
00:33:12Guards!
00:33:17No!
00:33:18No!
00:33:21No!
00:33:26Dinner is served, Your Majesty.
00:33:28You see the face on there?
00:33:29Too bad.
00:33:30He's funny, though.
00:33:31Come.
00:33:32I won't bite.
00:33:34Too bad.
00:33:35He's funny, though.
00:33:43Come.
00:33:46I won't bite.
00:33:48Good night.
00:33:49Come on!
00:33:59No!
00:34:00No!
00:34:01No!
00:34:02No!
00:34:03No!
00:34:05No!
00:34:06No!
00:34:10No!
00:34:11No!
00:34:12No!
00:34:13You know, something funny's going on here.
00:34:31First we get attacked by bandits.
00:34:34Then those damn zombies.
00:34:35What's next?
00:34:36Don't answer that.
00:34:39Every time it's like they're waiting for us.
00:34:41This Jerick guy, he's playing for keeps.
00:34:44I told you the path would be filled with perils.
00:34:47Yeah, yeah.
00:34:48We can forget the legend if you want to.
00:34:50There's still time to turn back.
00:34:52The ward's still up for grabs, isn't it?
00:34:54Uh-huh.
00:34:55Who said anything about turning back?
00:34:57Not me.
00:35:01Here.
00:35:02Looks like you could use this.
00:35:05What are you going to use?
00:35:07The fire won't last but a few more minutes.
00:35:09It'll be all right.
00:35:11You sure?
00:35:12There's plenty of blanket here.
00:35:21I'm okay.
00:35:22Okay.
00:35:22Isn't it cozy?
00:35:33Yeah, I think so.
00:35:36Stalker?
00:35:37Hmm?
00:35:38Is that your sword?
00:35:39Or are you just happy to see me?
00:35:41Well, what's the old crystal ball say about this one?
00:36:01Just follow the road to Baggett, turn west at a tree that looks like a rock, where you cross a dry river bed, where the water is most shallow.
00:36:10What?
00:36:12Dry river?
00:36:12Just follow the mountains.
00:36:14Okay.
00:36:15Ain't going to be any zombies or anything, are there?
00:36:17It's a clear road.
00:36:18No surprises.
00:36:20No surprises.
00:36:21No surprises.
00:36:22No surprises?
00:36:24Some oracle you turned out to be.
00:36:26Three out of four is not bad.
00:36:28Oh, my, I ought to.
00:36:36Rough crowd.
00:36:37Look, I, I...
00:36:48Let me do the talking.
00:36:51Now, listen.
00:36:53I think there's been some mistake, or maybe you haven't heard of me.
00:36:55Silence!
00:36:57Haven't we met before?
00:36:59No, no, no, no, no.
00:37:00I don't think so.
00:37:01I would have remembered.
00:37:02You look a lot, like Evie of Jaffir, the demon princess, who raids our camps and burns our crops and steals our men.
00:37:11Me? A princess?
00:37:14Do I look like a princess to you?
00:37:17No.
00:37:18My name is Rina.
00:37:19Rina the seer.
00:37:22Rina?
00:37:23Oh, yeah.
00:37:24Her name's Rina, all right.
00:37:25Rina the seer.
00:37:27Rina the lawyer.
00:37:28Oh, well.
00:37:29Maybe I've made a mistake.
00:37:31Yeah.
00:37:31Well, now that we've cleared up this little misunderstanding and we're all friends again,
00:37:38maybe we could just be on our way.
00:37:41The girl may go.
00:37:44But not you, Deathstalker.
00:37:48So, you have heard of me.
00:37:51Oh, yes.
00:37:52Your legend precedes you.
00:37:55Your exploits as a womanizer are well-known in these parts.
00:37:58Well, I am more of a lover than a fighter.
00:38:03I hope not.
00:38:05Huh?
00:38:05You'll be put on trial for your crimes against womanhood.
00:38:10Trial?
00:38:11Trial?
00:38:12Trial.
00:38:13By combat.
00:38:20Used to be able to do this great.
00:38:21How's it going?
00:38:23This is a farce.
00:38:24I could beat any of these women with my hands tied behind my back.
00:38:26That's the spirit.
00:38:27Come on.
00:38:28Come on.
00:38:28Let's get going.
00:38:29Let's get in the rain.
00:38:30Okay.
00:38:30Okay.
00:38:31I'm going.
00:38:31Stop shouting.
00:38:40Deathstalker?
00:38:42Here it comes.
00:38:43According to our laws, we must settle all serious disputes in a trial by combat.
00:38:50Your opponent in this contest shall be none other than Gorgo, our fiercest warrior and my champion.
00:39:02Gorgo!
00:39:03Gorgo!
00:39:04Gorgo!
00:39:05I could beat it with my eyes, Connor.
00:39:07Gorgo!
00:39:09Gorgo!
00:39:10Come on down!
00:39:12I'm taking candy from your baby.
00:39:14You name it.
00:39:15Did you see her?
00:39:16Stalker.
00:39:17Will you?
00:39:17Shut up.
00:39:18Stalker!
00:39:19Look, I could beat her with my eyes closed.
00:39:22I think you should keep at least one eye open.
00:39:25What are you talking about?
00:39:26What?
00:39:26Gorgo!
00:39:27Gorgo!
00:39:28Gorgo!
00:39:29Gorgo!
00:39:29Gorgo!
00:39:30Gorgo!
00:39:30Gorgo!
00:39:31Gorgo!
00:39:32Gorgo!
00:39:33Gorgo!
00:39:34Gorgo!
00:39:35Gorgo!
00:39:36Gorgo!
00:39:37Gorgo!
00:39:38Gorgo!
00:39:39Gorgo!
00:39:40Gorgo!
00:39:41Gorgo!
00:39:41Gorgo!
00:39:42Gorgo!
00:39:43Gorgo!
00:39:44Gorgo!
00:39:45Gorgo!
00:39:46Gorgo!
00:39:47Gorgo!
00:39:48Gorgo!
00:39:49Gorgo!
00:39:50Gorgo!
00:39:51This is, of course, a fight to the death.
00:39:55Naturally.
00:39:56No mercy.
00:39:59Well, may the best man...
00:40:04Skip it.
00:40:08Skip it.
00:40:09Let the fight begin!
00:40:10That's a nice outfit.
00:40:11Do you have to buy your clothes at a special store?
00:40:15Get out!
00:40:16Get out!
00:40:17Get out!
00:40:18All right.
00:40:19Come on!
00:40:20Get out!
00:40:21Get out!
00:40:22All right.
00:40:23Come on!
00:40:24Come on!
00:40:25Whoa!
00:40:26Get out!
00:40:27Get out!
00:40:28All right.
00:40:29Come on!
00:40:30Whoa!
00:40:33Whoa!
00:40:34Whoa!
00:40:35Oh!
00:40:36Gorgo!
00:40:37Gorgo!
00:40:38Gorgo!
00:40:39Gorgo!
00:40:40Gorgo!
00:40:41Gorgo!
00:40:42Gorgo!
00:40:43Gorgo!
00:40:44Gorgo!
00:40:45Gorgo!
00:40:50And stay down!
00:40:58Come on!
00:41:01Ah!
00:41:02Whoa!
00:41:03Whoa!
00:41:04Whoa!
00:41:05Whoa!
00:41:06Whoa!
00:41:07Whoa!
00:41:08Whoa!
00:41:09Whoa!
00:41:10Whoa!
00:41:11Whoa!
00:41:12Whoa!
00:41:13Here's what you gotta do. Stay away from her. Wear her out, run her down, get a tack.
00:41:24Attack? Yeah. If I'm still alive, I'll have her in five.
00:41:28Six, maybe. Seven at the outside.
00:41:33Look at it, tiger.
00:41:36Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!
00:41:41Oh!
00:41:43Oh!
00:41:45Tiger!
00:41:51Oh, not the hair! Not the hair!
00:41:55Oh, my God!
00:41:58Anything that's the hair!
00:42:01Tiger!
00:42:03Tiger!
00:42:05Get up! Okay, come on!
00:42:09Could I have just one moment of your time?
00:42:12No!
00:42:14Shit!
00:42:18Ah!
00:42:20Ah!
00:42:22Ah!
00:42:24Ah!
00:42:26Ah!
00:42:28Ah!
00:42:29Ah!
00:42:30Ah!
00:42:31Ah!
00:42:32Ah!
00:42:33Ah!
00:42:34Ah!
00:42:36You're looking good out there!
00:42:37You're doing a good job!
00:42:40Hey!
00:42:41Keep it up!
00:42:42And don't let her get you without running.
00:42:43I will.
00:42:44You know, she may have a strain.
00:42:48I've got to stand her.
00:42:50Go get her!
00:42:52Oh, my God!
00:43:22Just what I want to know.
00:43:39Put it in my hand.
00:43:40Put it in my hand.
00:43:41Put it in my hand.
00:43:52Oh!
00:43:54Oh!
00:43:56Oh!
00:43:58Yes!
00:44:00Yes!
00:44:02Yes!
00:44:04Yes!
00:44:06Yes!
00:44:12No! No!
00:44:16Oh!
00:44:18Oh!
00:44:20Oh!
00:44:22Oh!
00:44:24Oh!
00:44:26Oh!
00:44:28Oh!
00:44:30Oh!
00:44:32Get down! Get down!
00:44:34Oh!
00:44:36Oh!
00:44:42Oh!
00:44:44Oh!
00:44:46Oh!
00:44:48Oh!
00:44:50Oh!
00:44:52Oh!
00:44:54Oh!
00:44:56Oh!
00:44:58Oh!
00:45:00Kill her!
00:45:02Kill her!
00:45:04Kill her!
00:45:05What are you doing?
00:45:06This is a fight to the death!
00:45:08Oh!
00:45:10You wanna kill her?
00:45:12Do it yourself.
00:45:14Get up!
00:45:15Get up!
00:45:16Get up!
00:45:17Get up!
00:45:18Get up!
00:45:19Get up!
00:45:20Get up!
00:45:21Get up!
00:45:22Get up!
00:45:23That was incredible!
00:45:24You were great!
00:45:25Thanks, princess.
00:45:26Wait!
00:45:27Look, I know I haven't been completely on the level with you.
00:45:32Yeah, you can say that again.
00:45:34I can't believe I bought that whole bill of goods you tried to sell me.
00:45:37I bet you're not even a seer.
00:45:39Well, not a very good one.
00:45:41But I am a princess.
00:45:43Or I was.
00:45:44Jerk made a double of me, put her on the throne and seized the kingdom.
00:45:48Oh, that's good.
00:45:49That's rich.
00:45:50Try it on the next sap you meet.
00:45:52Look, I escaped, I needed help, and I didn't know whether you'd believe me.
00:45:57So you dangled fame and fortune in front of me like some kind of carrot?
00:46:00Didn't you think I might help you?
00:46:01Haven't you ever heard of honor among thieves?
00:46:03You mean you would have helped me without the money?
00:46:05I didn't say that!
00:46:06See?
00:46:07Look, begging your highness's pardon, but I'd rather be an obscure thief than a famous fool.
00:46:15I want her here and I want her here now!
00:46:24What in the hell did I say?
00:46:26Judy, darling.
00:46:27I said I was just waiting around while that little bitch is out there fighting against me!
00:46:33Judy, darling.
00:46:34It's Jerk!
00:46:35What do you want?
00:46:37I hate her!
00:46:38I hate her!
00:46:39I hate her!
00:46:40I hate her!
00:46:41Why haven't you found her yet?
00:46:43Patience, my little love bird.
00:46:45You needn't worry.
00:46:46I shall find her.
00:46:47You will be pleased though, I think, to learn that I have achieved what I believe to be
00:46:51a major breakthrough.
00:46:52I hope so.
00:46:53Every day I fade more and more.
00:46:56Soon I'll cease to exist.
00:46:58Come with me to my chamber.
00:47:00You shan't be disappointed.
00:47:02This better be good.
00:47:03I assure you, it will be good.
00:47:06In my hand, I hold the key to our success and happiness, my darling.
00:47:17The elixir.
00:47:18Elixir?
00:47:19An elixir which will sever your ties to the real princess forever.
00:47:23Now for the moment of triumph.
00:47:26A work of art, don't you think?
00:47:28I duplicated him as I duplicated you.
00:47:30Now for the test.
00:47:32You may have the honor.
00:47:53It works!
00:47:54Naturally.
00:47:55You made me so happy.
00:47:58You made me so happy.
00:48:03Drink this and our little princess is as good as dead.
00:48:07Thank you again.
00:48:25Have you ever seen Death Star?
00:48:26Have you seen Death Star?
00:48:27No.
00:48:32Have you seen Death Star?
00:48:33Have you seen Death Star?
00:48:39There he is.
00:48:40There he is.
00:48:56There he is.
00:48:58There he is.
00:49:03Do we drink then to your magnificent battle tonight?
00:49:04And the magnificent battle yet to come.
00:49:19Which one's that?
00:49:21Your body's close to me, but your mind seems far away.
00:49:30Just wait here one minute.
00:49:35Don't go away.
00:49:39Stalker.
00:49:44Just think, our lovemaking tonight may spawn generations of leaders to come.
00:49:56The passion in our hearts will burn like a great sensual fire, melding our souls into a whirlpool of unending ecstasy.
00:50:05Sounds good to me.
00:50:07Tomorrow, my servant will awaken us at dawn.
00:50:10You've got to be kidding. After that fight, I was kind of looking forward to sleeping in.
00:50:15Oh, no. That's not possible. The ceremony traditionally is performed at daybreak.
00:50:20Ceremony? What ceremony?
00:50:22A wedding ceremony.
00:50:32Oh, shit.
00:50:35Excuse me. Have you seen the girl I was with?
00:50:37I think she left a half hour ago.
00:50:39Thanks.
00:50:59I don't suppose you guys are hunters and I stepped into your bear trap.
00:51:02Shh. No. I didn't think so.
00:51:20Ah. Now that you're up, your royal highness, there are matters we need to discuss.
00:51:25You! You're the one who helped Jarek!
00:51:28In all the excitement, we never really did have a chance to sit down and talk.
00:51:32But now we can fix all that.
00:51:34Where's Deathstalker?
00:51:36Why should I tell you anything?
00:51:38Huh. I can think of lots of reasons.
00:51:41Here's one.
00:51:43I'll never talk.
00:51:46And do you know why?
00:51:48Jarek needs to keep me alive.
00:51:50You kill me and you're as good as dead and you know it.
00:51:52Do you know that I could drop you, say, up to your waist and you'd still be very much alive?
00:51:56Now where is Deathstalker?
00:51:58Somebody looking for me?
00:51:59Stalker!
00:52:00You came back!
00:52:01By popular demand.
00:52:02Get up!
00:52:03Oh!
00:52:04Oh!
00:52:05Oh!
00:52:06Oh!
00:52:07Oh!
00:52:08Oh!
00:52:09Oh!
00:52:10Oh!
00:52:11Oh!
00:52:12Oh!
00:52:13Oh!
00:52:14Oh!
00:52:15Oh!
00:52:16Oh!
00:52:17Oh!
00:52:18Oh!
00:52:19Oh!
00:52:20Oh!
00:52:21Oh!
00:52:22Oh!
00:52:23Oh!
00:52:24Oh!
00:52:25Oh!
00:52:26Oh!
00:52:28Oh!
00:52:29Oh!
00:52:30Oh!
00:52:31Oh!
00:52:32Oh!
00:52:33Oh!
00:52:34Oh!
00:52:37Oh!
00:52:38Oh!
00:52:39Oh!
00:52:40Oh!
00:52:41It's paid back time, Scalker!
00:52:46I'm all for it, of course.
00:52:48Oh!
00:52:51Ah!
00:52:54Oh!
00:52:56Let's go.
00:53:26Oh!
00:53:47Socker!
00:53:56What's the matter?
00:54:16Nothing. I just think there's a time and a place for everything.
00:54:18Well, the top half of you may think it's the wrong time,
00:54:21but the bottom half definitely knows it's the right place.
00:54:26Lord Jarek, we've recovered the body.
00:54:38Get her in here at once, fools.
00:54:40Will there be anything else, my lord?
00:54:42Out, out.
00:54:43As you wish, my lord.
00:54:56Welcome back.
00:55:23Get her in here.
00:55:37Very interesting.
00:56:01Is there another way in?
00:56:03Of course.
00:56:07Where do these tunnels go?
00:56:16Under the castle.
00:56:19What was that?
00:56:20The wind.
00:56:25Friend of yours?
00:56:27Looks like he died with a gag in his mouth.
00:56:30Yeah, well, if he did, he never got a chance to tell it.
00:56:37Stalker, I've got a feeling.
00:56:40Don't say it.
00:56:40Just don't say it.
00:56:42But...
00:56:42Every time you have a vision, something bad happens.
00:56:46Stalker!
00:56:47Get out of here.
00:56:48Get out of here!
00:56:53Hi, guys.
00:56:53Ah, Death Stalker.
00:56:59You needn't come through the servant's entrance.
00:57:02I would have welcomed you through the front gates.
00:57:04Oh, I've seen your welcoming committee.
00:57:06You know, despite your rather silly name, I hear you're quite an extraordinary swordsman.
00:57:11Like a demonstration?
00:57:12Another time, perhaps.
00:57:13Oh, God.
00:57:14I've forgotten.
00:57:15There won't be another time.
00:57:16You see, I couldn't have possibly attained my current position by playing fair.
00:57:22Kill him.
00:57:22He's mine.
00:57:28Sultana?
00:57:29I thought you was dead.
00:57:31Not hardly.
00:57:33Well, I must say, you're looking better than ever.
00:57:35And it's really great to be back here at the castle.
00:57:45Found her, boys!
00:57:52Poor girl fell off our homes.
00:57:56What can we do?
00:57:57Check her heart.
00:57:58I think we're revived.
00:58:12All right, boys.
00:58:13Huh?
00:58:14Oh!
00:58:15Oh!
00:58:16Oh!
00:58:17Oh!
00:58:18Oh.
00:58:30Oh!
00:58:31Oh!
00:58:31Oh!
00:58:33Oh!
00:58:33Oh!
00:58:34Oh!
00:58:35Good evening, Dabstalker.
00:58:52Doesn't look too good from here.
00:58:55Where's the little princess?
00:58:57You don't expect me to talk.
00:58:59No, no, no. I expect you to die.
00:59:02And I'm sorry to see you go.
00:59:05We could have made a great team.
00:59:07There's still time.
00:59:09I'm afraid time's run out for you.
00:59:12Did you ever think about joining our side?
00:59:15Goodbye, Dabstalker.
00:59:17I should have stood in bed.
00:59:26Mother.
00:59:31Princess wants to see you.
00:59:35I've got laid off.
00:59:39Things were tough for our family for a long time.
00:59:44What's this?
00:59:48Most of my gentlemen collars bring flowers.
00:59:51Damn, my mistake.
00:59:53Must have given them the wrong princess.
00:59:55I don't want to shock you,
00:59:55but there's another girl running around here
00:59:57that's a dead ringer for you.
00:59:58That little harlot is nothing but a lying imposter.
01:00:01That's funny,
01:00:03because that's exactly what she said about you.
01:00:05Uh, say,
01:00:06would you mind, uh,
01:00:07calling off your hogs here?
01:00:12Big laughs, these guys.
01:00:14Next time I see them,
01:00:15it's going to be on a plate next to some eggs.
01:00:18Don't you think I look like a princess?
01:00:22You dress like a princess.
01:00:24You walk like a princess.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:25Yes.
01:00:26Yes.
01:00:26Yes.
01:00:27Yes.
01:00:27Yes.
01:00:27Yes.
01:00:27Yes.
01:00:28Yes.
01:00:28Yes.
01:00:29Yes.
01:00:30You kiss like a princess.
01:00:37But you sure don't act like a princess.
01:00:40Oh, and how's a princess supposed to act?
01:00:43I'm not sure,
01:00:45but I, uh,
01:00:46think you're start-
01:00:47I think you're starting to get a handle on it.
01:00:51I think so, too.
01:00:54Oh,
01:00:55I could just eat you alive.
01:00:58Bones and everything.
01:00:59I don'tANGET
01:01:01Uh-
01:01:12You-
01:01:14I could just eat you alive in theesso.
01:01:14I feel like a princess, I could just Ouch.
01:01:18And then I think you're not induced to cut out my rápido.
01:01:20I think it's just tedious or Pause the this way.
01:01:23Oh.
01:01:23I disagree like a princess.
01:01:25Yeah?
01:01:25Ah?
01:01:26ko.
01:01:27Oh, my God.
01:01:57Oh, my God.
01:02:27Oh, my God.
01:02:34And now you're mine, stalker.
01:02:37What?
01:02:39I thought I told you not to hang around with girls like that.
01:02:53It was just her looks that got to me.
01:02:57Oh, well, in that case...
01:03:00Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but...
01:03:03How the hell did you get in here?
01:03:06You're forgetting one thing, bucko.
01:03:08This is my castle, my room, my bed, for crying out loud.
01:03:13And you think I don't know where the secret passageways are?
01:03:16Well, uh, thanks.
01:03:18Thought you might need this.
01:03:24You sure you know where you're going?
01:03:26I got us here, didn't I?
01:03:27Yeah, but just tell me one thing, though.
01:03:29Why do secret passageways have to be so damn clammy and dark?
01:03:32Quick griping!
01:03:33We're almost here.
01:03:34Besides, I got a surprise for you.
01:03:36Here we are.
01:03:46Some surprise.
01:03:47How do they say it?
01:03:49Out of the frying pan into the fire?
01:03:52Yeah, that's how they say it, all right.
01:03:55You can't possibly kill us all.
01:03:57One against one hundred.
01:03:59Make that two against a hundred.
01:04:02Kill them.
01:04:05Hey!
01:04:08What about we even up those odds considerably?
01:04:15Told you I had a surprise.
01:04:22Get them!
01:04:25Get them!
01:04:52Come on!
01:05:22Come on!
01:05:52Come on!
01:06:02Where are you going?
01:06:04Leaving.
01:06:06You owe me your life.
01:06:08I owe nothing to any man, even you.
01:06:10Good luck, because you're gonna need it.
01:06:12Get out of my way.
01:06:14What is going on here? I have a splendid headache. I'm trying to get some sleep.
01:06:28Ew. Inside, inside. It's not over yet.
01:06:34You okay?
01:06:36Yes, you are. As long as we got business to attend to.
01:06:40How could you let this happen?
01:06:44You've ruined my life!
01:06:46I gave you your life.
01:06:50Now go to your chambers.
01:06:52I'll be there shortly.
01:07:06Throne room's that way.
01:07:08Throne room's that way.
01:07:10Where are you going?
01:07:11There's only room for one princess in this castle.
01:07:13What are you gonna do?
01:07:14Can't tell you.
01:07:16Girl talk.
01:07:18Oh.
01:07:38You will leave.
01:07:39Please do.
01:07:40I'd have to touch some yoga tanks.
01:07:44I'm grateful.
01:07:46You moser.
01:07:48I am here toppy thought,
01:07:49can you check me out?
01:07:50I'll be somewhere in the find.
01:07:51How could you get yourself?
01:07:52You close to five year old,
01:07:53but I'm up.
01:07:54Bye.
01:07:55How could do we go?
01:07:56I'm here to have a life,
01:07:58but that's possible.
01:07:59All�를 come at you and the puzzlery.
01:08:01Who'd love?
01:08:02Maybe, anyhow?
01:08:03You're gonna be happy to have a life
01:08:05� er Kleiner.
01:08:05You bitch!
01:08:35Oh, no, no, no, no.
01:09:05Still ready for that demonstration?
01:09:13Spoken like a true gallant.
01:09:15And seemed to be a legend.
01:09:17But not a living one.
01:09:35Spoken like a tree.
01:10:05Ah!
01:10:15Ah!
01:10:17Ah!
01:10:23Ah!
01:10:25Ah!
01:10:29Ah!
01:10:30Come on.
01:10:31Come on.
01:10:32Come on.
01:10:33Come on!
01:11:00Come on.
01:11:01Come on.
01:11:04Come on.
01:11:09Yeah!
01:11:10Ah!
01:11:30Up.
01:12:00Up.
01:12:30Up.
01:12:47Yay!
01:12:51Yes, Tom.
01:13:00Your Highness shall speak now.
01:13:03That ought to be good.
01:13:04Come forward, Deathstalker.
01:13:17We've searched through the kingdom's coffers for some expression of our appreciation for your magnificent deeds.
01:13:24And that is?
01:13:26You're looking at it, Beko.
01:13:30You sure you made the right choice?
01:13:32I don't know. Let me consult my crystal ball.
01:13:35Uh, we won't be needing this anymore.
01:13:40So you really think our story's gonna make it into the legends?
01:13:43Oh, more than that.
01:13:44A thousand years from now, players will reenact all our exploits.
01:13:48Really?
01:13:50Well, I sure hope they get a good-looking guy to play me.
01:14:00Uh, we'll be having a good-looking guy.
01:14:02You can do it.
01:14:03You can do it.
01:14:04Oh, you can do it.
01:14:05Yeah, you can do it.
01:14:06I can do it.
01:14:07Oh, you can do it.
01:14:08Oh, you can do it.
01:14:09All right, sir!
01:14:10Part out of your path.
01:14:11Oh, you can do it.
01:14:12Yeah, I can do it.
01:14:13Oh, you can do it.
01:14:44Hurry!
01:15:14Hurry!
01:15:16Hurry!
01:15:17Hurry!
01:15:18Hurry!
01:15:19Hurry!
01:15:20Hurry!
01:15:21Let me pull down.
01:15:24I've got to work.
01:15:27Get off!
01:15:27Stop!
01:15:28I've left you out for five minutes!
01:15:30Look what happened!
01:15:31Ow!
01:15:32God damn it!
01:15:33That's hot!
01:15:34Stop!
01:15:34Stop!
01:15:35Oh!
01:15:36Stop!
01:15:37Stop!
01:15:38Stop!
01:15:39Stop!
01:15:40Stop!
01:15:40Stop!
01:15:42Stop!
01:15:42Stop!
01:15:43Stop!
01:15:44Stop!
01:15:45Stop!
01:15:46Stop!
01:15:47Stop!
01:15:47Stop!
01:15:48Stop!
01:15:49Stop!
01:15:50Stop!
01:15:50Stop!
01:15:51Stop!
01:15:51Stop!
01:15:51Still stop!
01:15:51Stop!
01:15:51Don't you think I look like a princess?
01:15:55You dress like a princess.
01:15:57I hate these friggin' stares.
01:15:59Excuse me.
01:16:21That's lunch, 30 minutes.
01:16:31Hello?
01:16:51Don't laugh me.
01:17:21Don't laugh me.
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