There's a Zombie Outside (2024)

Roshan Screen

7 weeks ago

Movies

Transcript

00:00:00Ah...

00:00:10...this is 7...

00:00:30Oh, my God.

00:01:00You're welcome back to the land of the living.

00:01:04Was I out long?

00:01:05Long enough.

00:01:08Not that it matters.

00:01:11You guys know that I always need a nap after a boozy brunch.

00:01:14Don't let him push your buttons.

00:01:16It's your birthday.

00:01:16You do whatever the fuck you want.

00:01:18Is that Adam?

00:01:19Your man awaits.

00:01:21Why are you always such trash?

00:01:31What I do.

00:01:39You're up!

00:01:41Yeah, sorry.

00:01:42Those limosas hit me pretty hard.

00:01:44Well, that's the cost of wild living.

00:01:48Yeah, not wild enough for some, apparently.

00:01:51What do you mean?

00:01:53Zeke just keeps making these little comments that suggest that he's not exactly thrilled

00:01:57with the weekend's festivities.

00:01:59Or, you know, lack thereof.

00:02:01Whatever.

00:02:03Not everything's some big Fire Island vendor.

00:02:05I mean, the whole idea that all gay getaways have to be substance abuse and sex-filled chaos

00:02:10is reductive.

00:02:13So you're not, like, mad that there's not more to do?

00:02:16Or that your boyfriend is sleeping the day away?

00:02:19Absolutely not.

00:02:20I mean, the whole point of this vacation is to do absolutely nothing wrong.

00:02:28Besides, when I came in earlier to check up on you, you looked so cute, all wrapped up

00:02:35in your blankets, snoozing in one of those stupid films that you love.

00:02:40The work of Ted V. Michaels is not stupid.

00:02:43It's just, you know, misunderstood.

00:02:47Not that it matters.

00:02:48I must have slept through the whole thing.

00:02:49And when I woke up, there was just dead air.

00:02:52Well, next time on the bedroom, maybe I'll better things up.

00:03:08Oh my god!

00:03:10What the hell?

00:03:11What the fuck?

00:03:13Did you see?

00:03:14See what?

00:03:16It was watching us.

00:03:17It's, it's, I, what are you talking about?

00:03:20Out there!

00:03:22I don't see anything.

00:03:25It was there.

00:03:27It was.

00:03:29What?

00:03:31I don't know who else to say this, but...

00:03:33Could you say that again?

00:03:51I told you!

00:03:54There is a zombie outside!

00:03:58Or at least something that looks like a zombie!

00:04:00I thought you said we were bringing party drugs easy again.

00:04:02Shh, shh, shh.

00:04:04You know how that sounds, right?

00:04:09Maybe you've been watching too many of those movies?

00:04:11Oh, okay.

00:04:14What actually happened?

00:04:17Well, we were having an intimate moment.

00:04:21An intimate moment?

00:04:23Were you two gonna fuck in the kitchen?

00:04:26We make food in here.

00:04:27I think it's...

00:04:28Continue.

00:04:31And I looked outside and there was someone out there watching us.

00:04:35Like, like hardcore.

00:04:38Now, when you say hardcore...

00:04:40Dave!

00:04:44I don't see anyone.

00:04:46Well, yeah, they probably ran away during all of the commotion,

00:04:48but there was someone out there.

00:04:49I swear.

00:04:54Alright, then.

00:04:56Let's go take a look.

00:04:58I'm sorry, what?

00:04:59Well, as far as I know,

00:05:01the closest house is a good mile and a half down the road,

00:05:04so, uh,

00:05:05if someone's wandering around outside,

00:05:07I think we should probably know.

00:05:09So you want us to go look for a peeper?

00:05:12Have you watched any of the true crime documentaries

00:05:14that I've recommended?

00:05:16Well, if you'd bother to take any of the CrossFit classes

00:05:19that I recommended,

00:05:20you wouldn't have anything to worry about.

00:05:22Bitch, how very dare.

00:05:23If anything,

00:05:25I am the muscles of the group.

00:05:27Okay.

00:05:28Uh, are we going to do this or what?

00:05:36I mean,

00:05:36is it too late to vote for or what?

00:05:51Anybody see anything?

00:05:55What if it went into the woods?

00:05:56Wouldn't be very smart.

00:05:59Rather, it's assuming an intruder

00:06:01is going to stick to the manicured parts of the lawn.

00:06:04The only reason that we were out here...

00:06:06What?

00:06:07What is it there?

00:06:18Do you see it?

00:06:20See what?

00:06:23That monster...

00:06:23Is...

00:06:33Shocking?

00:06:38He made it sound like something was wrong.

00:06:41Well, there could be if he's solely relying on cardio for exercise.

00:06:44He's such an idiot.

00:06:48Uh, hi.

00:06:49Is everything okay?

00:06:51Fine.

00:06:52I think.

00:06:54We are renting this house for the weekend and, um...

00:06:57My partner here, he thought you saw someone in the yard.

00:07:01Yeah.

00:07:02You been peeping at anybody's windows today?

00:07:05What?

00:07:05Uh, what my friend here is trying to ask is if you've seen anyone around.

00:07:10Honestly, just you guys.

00:07:12It's pretty underpopulated this time of the year.

00:07:14Yeah.

00:07:15We kind of noticed.

00:07:17Where did you come from?

00:07:19Pretty far out for a run.

00:07:21I'm just staying in my uncle's cabin up the road.

00:07:23Come here a lot in the off-season, just to chill.

00:07:26This is the only road in and out, right?

00:07:29That's what they tell me.

00:07:30And you're on your way back from your run.

00:07:33Okay, get to the point, Angela Lansbury.

00:07:35I am.

00:07:37Look, if this is the only road,

00:07:40then you had to have passed the house earlier when you left for his run.

00:07:43Yeah, I did.

00:07:44Like a half hour ago.

00:07:46Which is exactly around the time when Adam thought he saw someone.

00:07:49Okay, case closed.

00:07:51Look, Adam, you just saw our neighbor here getting some exercise.

00:07:54No creepers, no zombies, just...

00:07:57An afternoon run.

00:07:59Zombies?

00:08:00No, look, I know the difference between...

00:08:02Okay, there you have it, okay?

00:08:03Adam, I'd say you need glasses, babe, but you already got them.

00:08:09Sue your eye doctor or something.

00:08:10Can we please go back inside?

00:08:12There is a bottle of margarita mix waiting to help us all forget

00:08:15we wasted our time scoopity-wing around this fucking yard.

00:08:19Look, I'd just be sorry about all this, really.

00:08:21I hope you guys have a good whatever it is that you're doing here.

00:08:24Are you coming?

00:08:28Are you coming?

00:08:37Sorry.

00:08:38Okay, that is absolutely not true.

00:08:46Bitch, I have photographic evidence, okay?

00:08:48You in a hot pink feather boa and matching pink platforms.

00:08:51I would love to see that.

00:08:53That could be arranged.

00:08:54Under no circumstances are those photos exchanging hands, got it?

00:08:58Okay, we'll see about that.

00:09:00And why did I not know about this?

00:09:03It was way before your time.

00:09:04Yeah, I had just moved.

00:09:06It was my first summer in the city.

00:09:09God, everything just felt so new then.

00:09:11Yeah.

00:09:13How come you guys stopped doing all those performances?

00:09:16I mean, it sounds like it was a blast.

00:09:17Oh, I wasn't in it for the long haul.

00:09:19It was more like a weekend thing,

00:09:20so I could cope with my awful minimum wage job.

00:09:23The artist's life is more your boy's thing.

00:09:26Yeah, I don't know how much of my thing it ended up being,

00:09:29but thanks.

00:09:30Come on, babe.

00:09:31Don't be so hard on yourself.

00:09:33I mean, I'm not being hard on myself.

00:09:35It's just true.

00:09:36Yeah, I have to kind of side with Ollie here.

00:09:38You've done some great stuff.

00:09:40Yeah?

00:09:41Like what?

00:09:43A Fringe Fest play that tens of people saw?

00:09:47Or some short films that disappeared

00:09:49as soon as the festival circuit was over?

00:09:51I mean, hell, you're talking about our cabaret

00:09:53from back in the day,

00:09:54and we couldn't even sell those out.

00:09:56I don't...

00:09:57No, I'm fine.

00:09:59It's just...

00:10:01I guess...

00:10:03I guess I just thought I'd have made a dent by now.

00:10:06You know, I've been doing this for years,

00:10:09and yet I keep losing jobs to guys

00:10:10with less experience and more abs.

00:10:12I just wish we could have had a birthday party

00:10:17where I was celebrating a win

00:10:18and not just another year of me kidding myself.

00:10:22Babe, you're not kidding yourself.

00:10:24It's your dream, and it's a really hard one.

00:10:26And as a friend, it's so inspiring to watch it.

00:10:28Just keep going at it.

00:10:29I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

00:10:34And you know the worst part?

00:10:35It has completely zapped my creativity.

00:10:38Everything I try to write down anymore

00:10:40just feels so artificial.

00:10:44Well, that can't entirely be true.

00:10:47I'm sure something inspires you.

00:10:49All right, anyone else need a drink?

00:10:54Uh, no.

00:10:56If anything, the last few minutes have proven

00:10:58that I should probably cut myself off

00:11:00and just turn in.

00:11:01Yeah, same.

00:11:03I would prefer not to be super hungover tomorrow.

00:11:07All right, boo to both of you, but I got it.

00:11:10I'm just gonna go pour myself another one

00:11:11and then go take it to my bedroom

00:11:13and do my nighttime reading.

00:11:14Ooh, salacious.

00:11:15Do you need help with him?

00:11:19Oh, fuck no.

00:11:22He drank himself into a stupor

00:11:24so he can lie where he lays.

00:11:25Not our problem.

00:11:28All right, good night.

00:11:29Good night.

00:11:30Good night, babe.

00:11:31Sleep tight.

00:11:32Mm, too.

00:11:34Uh, hey, Louis.

00:11:35What's up?

00:11:38Of course, babe.

00:11:40Happy birthday.

00:11:41I'm sorry it's not what you want it to be,

00:11:42but there's always next year.

00:11:45And look at the bright side.

00:11:46You look amazing for 40.

00:11:49Oh, you bitch.

00:11:51Oh, you know it.

00:12:00Well, that was a fun night.

00:12:03Nice to reminisce.

00:12:06Yeah.

00:12:09Sorry if I got too deep.

00:12:11You know what birthdays are for?

00:12:14Reflecting and shit.

00:12:15I guess.

00:12:22Well, in the spirit of things,

00:12:25if you want to go deep another way...

00:12:28Really?

00:12:31Hey, you're the writer here, okay?

00:12:33I'm trying.

00:12:36Besides, that doesn't answer the question.

00:12:38Can you just give me a second?

00:13:02What's going on, Adam?

00:13:03What do you mean?

00:13:09Do you even want to?

00:13:11With me?

00:13:12What?

00:13:12Yes, of course I do.

00:13:13I just...

00:13:15Just not right now.

00:13:18I'm not in the headspace.

00:13:21When are you going to be in the headspace, exactly?

00:13:24Are you serious?

00:13:25Are you...

00:13:26Are you getting mad at me

00:13:28because I don't want to have sex right now?

00:13:30No, this is not about the sex.

00:13:33This is about everything.

00:13:35This is about how you've been pushing me away for weeks.

00:13:38I have not been pushing you away.

00:13:40Bullshit.

00:13:41You barely touch me anymore.

00:13:45And you treat every interaction with me

00:13:47like it's some inconvenience.

00:13:49I mean, fuck,

00:13:50I tried kissing you today

00:13:51and I got a bloody nose for it.

00:13:54That is not fair.

00:13:55You know that I thought I said...

00:13:56Yeah, I remember.

00:14:03It's being touched by me

00:14:05so bad that you have to make up monsters.

00:14:17You know, I thought that

00:14:19you were just having a birthday pity party.

00:14:21You were in your feelings.

00:14:26It wasn't about me.

00:14:28No, it isn't.

00:14:29I...

00:14:30It was bad enough

00:14:31that you eye-fucked that jogger earlier

00:14:33and didn't think that I noticed.

00:14:36But then I had to sit there next to you

00:14:37on that couch tonight

00:14:38and listen to you tell your friends

00:14:41about how nothing inspires you

00:14:42or excites you anymore.

00:14:44I mean, that kind of puts the writing

00:14:47on the wall for me, doesn't it?

00:14:50That is not what I meant.

00:14:52That's how it feels.

00:14:53Do you even want to be with me anymore?

00:15:14Do you even know what you want at all?

00:15:20I don't know.

00:15:23I don't know.

00:15:25I don't know.

00:15:26No, Wally, I...

00:15:27Father...

00:15:28Fuck.

00:15:41Fuck.

00:15:45Fuck.

00:15:46Oh, my God.

00:16:16Great.

00:16:42Hello.

00:16:43Hello!

00:16:45Just a minute!

00:16:47Oh, come on!

00:16:51Screw up the piss!

00:16:59Come on!

00:17:07Hello!

00:17:09I said-

00:17:11Just a minute!

00:17:13Just a minute!

00:17:19Whatever.

00:17:21Oh!

00:17:31Ah!

00:17:33Fuck!

00:17:39Ah!

00:17:41Ah!

00:17:47Ah!

00:17:49Ah!

00:17:51Ah!

00:17:53Ah!

00:17:55Ah!

00:17:57Ah!

00:18:07Ah!

00:18:09Ah!

00:18:11Ah!

00:18:21Ah!

00:18:23Ah!

00:18:25Ah!

00:18:27Ah!

00:18:29Ah!

00:18:31Ah!

00:19:03Hello?

00:19:09Hello?

00:19:11I've got a lot of money to be throwing out here.

00:19:33I don't know if we just need strength in the woods, but...

00:19:45I don't know.

00:19:47It's you.

00:19:49I don't know.

00:19:51I don't know.

00:19:55I don't know.

00:19:57I don't know.

00:20:01I don't know.

00:20:03I don't know.

00:20:07I don't know.

00:20:09I don't know.

00:20:11I don't know.

00:20:13I don't know.

00:20:15I don't know.

00:20:17I don't know.

00:20:19I don't know.

00:20:21I don't know.

00:20:23I don't know.

00:20:25I don't know.

00:20:27I don't know.

00:20:29I don't know.

00:20:31I don't know.

00:20:35I don't know.

00:20:41I don't know.

00:20:43Adam, is that you?

00:20:55Adam!

00:21:13What?

00:21:34What?

00:21:35You know you should be cuffed.

00:21:46Lucky for you, I don't really feel like being hassled right now.

00:21:50That and I know I could kick your ass if you put up a fuss.

00:21:54Great. Sure.

00:21:56So you mind telling me what you were doing taking a long nap in a house that doesn't belong to you?

00:22:08I don't know. I really don't.

00:22:11I don't know.

00:22:14I really don't. You know, I'm gonna need a little more than that.

00:22:18Not for me, because I don't really give a shit.

00:22:21But for the guys out at the station, they will. They'll care a lot.

00:22:27You from around here?

00:22:30No, I'm...

00:22:35I'm not even really sure where...

00:22:37I know you.

00:22:40You do?

00:22:43I made that zombie movie up here a couple years ago.

00:22:47Zombie?

00:22:50I can't believe I didn't recognize you.

00:22:52It's probably because it's dark and dingy in here, but yeah.

00:22:54You guys made that movie.

00:22:56We don't get a lot of movies that shoot around these parts, so I take it as my business to watch all of them.

00:23:02Even the really cheesy ones.

00:23:04Yeah, this is a great location.

00:23:09You know, a lot of people got down on that movie because of the zombie sex.

00:23:14Not me.

00:23:15Not me.

00:23:17Because I knew it was for the art.

00:23:19Right?

00:23:21And I didn't even really mind about that other stuff either.

00:23:26Just so you know.

00:23:28Great.

00:23:30Yeah, good to know.

00:23:33Funny.

00:23:35Zombie movie.

00:23:37Let me see what I can do.

00:23:39And not because I'm giving you a free pass for what you did here tonight, because this is just kind of weird.

00:23:44Because I know that sometimes actors do eccentric things.

00:23:48Don't move.

00:23:50I understand.

00:23:52I understand.

00:24:19Don't move.

00:24:20There's no way.

00:24:21Don't move.

00:24:22Don't move.

00:24:23Don't move.

00:24:24Then, we'll get them.

00:24:26You'll be right on the road.

00:24:28No.

00:24:30I'm going back to you at home.

00:24:32Don't move.

00:24:34Don't move.

00:24:35You can go and go and go.

00:24:36Oh absolutely.

00:24:38And he's like, what's the other type of thinking?

00:24:40He's got his name.

00:24:41I looked it up on IMDb when I was in the car.

00:24:44Yeah, that's my name.

00:24:46Actor Ben Bauer.

00:24:48Look, I made a call.

00:24:50Talked to the owners of the house.

00:24:52They're not going to press charges.

00:24:55But they strongly inferred that they'd like you to not do this again.

00:25:01Okay?

00:25:03So if you ever get the urge to come up here and, you know,

00:25:06sleep in somebody else's house, maybe don't.

00:25:10Great.

00:25:11Okay.

00:25:12Alright, well, how'd you get up here?

00:25:17I...

00:25:19I don't actually know.

00:25:23Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:25:25Actors and drugs.

00:25:28Do you have somebody you could call?

00:25:31Do you think the owners would mind if I used their phone?

00:25:40I understand that, officer. Thank you. Again.

00:25:44Look, it may not be my place to say, I don't know if this is pattern behavior or what, but you might want to talk to your friend about therapy, something, the rehab.

00:25:59I'll definitely keep that in mind.

00:26:02Look, I'm just going to ask you this straight up with zero judgment.

00:26:24Are you okay?

00:26:25I don't think so.

00:26:26No.

00:26:27Okay.

00:26:28But, like, you're fine?

00:26:29You're not hurt or sick or anything?

00:26:31Yes, ma'am.

00:26:32I feel fine.

00:26:33Okay.

00:26:34Okay.

00:26:35Okay.

00:26:36Okay.

00:26:37In that case, what in the actual fuck, Ben?

00:26:39I thought you said there was going to be zero judgment.

00:26:40Oh, that was before you declared you were fine.

00:26:41I meant physically.

00:26:42Obviously, I am not fine.

00:26:43I...

00:26:44I...

00:26:45I...

00:26:46I...

00:26:47I...

00:26:48I...

00:26:49I...

00:26:50I...

00:26:51I...

00:26:52I...

00:26:53I...

00:26:54I...

00:26:55I...

00:26:56I...

00:26:57I...

00:26:58I...

00:26:59I...

00:27:00I...

00:27:01I...

00:27:02I...

00:27:03I...

00:27:04I...

00:27:05I...

00:27:06I...

00:27:07I...

00:27:08I...

00:27:09I...

00:27:10I...

00:27:11I don't know what the fuck is happening.

00:27:12It's 4 a.m.

00:27:13It took me two and a half hours to get down here from Los Angeles.

00:27:17The sun will be up before we get home.

00:27:20You better start figuring it out, Ben.

00:27:23Because...

00:27:24I'm gonna need some kind of explanation.

00:27:27I told you, I don't know.

00:27:29Whenever I try to concentrate to remember...

00:27:33It's just like static in my head.

00:27:36Yeah, that's not concerning at all.

00:27:40Look, I haven't heard from you in weeks.

00:27:44That...

00:27:45That can't be true.

00:27:47Look, I can only speak for myself.

00:27:50But when my best friend goes radio silent for almost a month, I would tend to notice.

00:27:56I didn't realize...

00:27:57So you can imagine my feelings when this, of all calls, is the one to break the silence.

00:28:02Last time we talked, you were hyped up about a big audition you had.

00:28:06And then...

00:28:07Nothing.

00:28:08Have you become that much of an actor that normal engagement is just too much for you?

00:28:14What?

00:28:15What?

00:28:16Audition?

00:28:17Yeah, I said other words in there too.

00:28:25I'm not gonna bust your balls because clearly you're going through something right now.

00:28:30And I care about you.

00:28:32But this one-sided stuff is just not okay.

00:28:35I get it.

00:28:36I do.

00:28:37Uh-huh.

00:28:48You seriously can't remember anything.

00:28:54All I recall is that I was at home watching a movie.

00:28:58And then the next thing I know, I'm being woken up by the police officer in that house.

00:29:11Okay, but wait.

00:29:13So you're chilling, watching a flick, and the next thing you know, you'd be in need into a house you shot at five years ago?

00:29:20Was that five years ago?

00:29:22Are you sure you're not taking anything?

00:29:25As far as I know.

00:29:30Look, clearly we're not gonna solve anything tonight.

00:29:35But next time you decide to go on a vision quest, and break into one of your old filming locations,

00:29:41maybe pick a place up the street where we shot the web series,

00:29:45and not some place that requires two highway exchanges and a rural access code to get to.

00:29:50Okay?

00:29:52I'll try my best.

00:29:55Oh, speaking of the bumfuck remoteness of it all,

00:29:58how did the people who own the house know you were there?

00:30:01Oh, uh, apparently they have cameras all over the house.

00:30:05God.

00:30:06You can't trust anyone these days.

00:30:08No.

00:30:12You can't.

00:30:13I can't seem to be roommates with a single boy.

00:30:23I know.

00:30:25There's aeder of times in a way that opens the street,

00:30:28I know the bild if they have a former home with their noises.

00:30:31I can't wait for myself.

00:30:32I mean, I'm not even being here.

00:30:33Anything hot andbearers ma'am.

00:30:34We're walking with his Неify Stars

00:30:38You sure you're going to be okay by yourself?

00:30:57I think so.

00:31:00All right.

00:31:01But, to be clear, we are not done talking about all this.

00:31:05I just need to get some serious sleep first.

00:31:09Yeah, for sure. You should go do that.

00:31:15Okay, then.

00:31:21I'll be fine, really.

00:31:24Can you say that for sure?

00:31:28Can anyone?

00:31:31Well, with that cheerful thought...

00:31:35Hey, Taryn.

00:31:37Hmm?

00:31:43You will definitely be thanking me over the course of several dinners that you will definitely be paying for.

00:31:53Love you.

00:31:55You too.

00:32:07Yeah, thank you.

00:32:11You're welcome.

00:32:13I'm sorry.

00:32:15I'm sorry.

00:32:17Awesome.

00:32:19You're welcome.

00:32:21I'm sorry.

00:32:23You're welcome.

00:32:25I'm sorry, you are welcome.

00:32:27You're welcome.

00:32:28Oh, my God.

00:32:58Oh, my God.

00:33:28You broke into a house?

00:33:39Do you understand what a PR disaster that is?

00:33:42Or rather, would be if anyone was actually paying any attention.

00:33:45Our client list is small, and we can't be personally invested in behavior that is harmful to the brand.

00:33:52Personally invested? I haven't heard from you guys in weeks.

00:33:56That's not true. I sent you on that audition.

00:33:59A month ago, and it was very clear that they didn't want anyone who read as gay.

00:34:04That's your problem. I get you the appointment. You're the one that has to show up and act.

00:34:10If they don't want something, don't give it to them.

00:34:12Okay, but that's one of the things I bring to the table.

00:34:15I want to be making queer art.

00:34:18Yeah, so you said. Your generation and your message movies.

00:34:22Don't think I don't get it.

00:34:24But that's not the biz.

00:34:25You want to sell tickets? You have to go abroad.

00:34:28Otherwise, you're going to be stuck with a web series and indie movies.

00:34:31And let's face it, you haven't exactly booked any of those lately, either.

00:34:37Okay, so...

00:34:38So what can we do?

00:34:41We are not going to do anything.

00:34:44In case I haven't made myself entirely clear, I can't rep you anymore.

00:34:49You're dropping me?

00:34:50Come on, kid.

00:34:52You haven't landed a gig in forever, which already put you in a tenuous position on our roster.

00:34:57And now, with the hijinks last night, well, it's not exactly like you're a winning bet.

00:35:03I don't fucking believe this shit.

00:35:05You knew what kind of movies I wanted to make, and you didn't even try to find projects that were a match.

00:35:11Yeah? Well, have you ever considered that you were maybe being unrealistic?

00:35:15Actors don't have the luxury of getting to pick their own identity.

00:35:19Other people tell you who you are, and you graciously smile and take the paycheck.

00:35:27Hey, this is Taryn.

00:35:56Sorry I can't answer your...

00:36:26I can't answer your question.

00:36:56I mean, you do have those movies like Shaun of the Dead where you do have a semi-happy ending

00:37:08to a zombie movie, but I'm just saying that it seems like a losing proposition.

00:37:12Okay, but in the spirit of our show, I have to ask, is there a proper way to survive a zombie movie?

00:37:17I think it depends on the kind of zombie.

00:37:19Are we talking voodoo zombies or brain munch munch zombies?

00:37:23It's a very, very important distinction.

00:37:25Okay, so for argument's sake, let's go for the classic Romero style.

00:37:29Although, we have to point out for our horror hounds that it isn't actually a zombie in Night of the Living Dead.

00:37:34It is a ghoul, so let's just make that glare.

00:37:36The ghouls. It's a classic ghoul.

00:37:38Okay, sure, sure, sure. I'll bite.

00:37:40You know, I gotta bring the puns, alright? So...

00:37:44Nice, thank you so much.

00:37:46But how do you survive? I mean...

00:37:48Like, honestly, you don't.

00:37:55How did you survive?

00:38:04How did you survive?

00:38:06It's a burning!

00:38:08How did you survive?

00:38:09Ben?

00:38:29I thought that was you.

00:38:35Is everything okay?

00:38:38Is it?

00:38:39Is it really you?

00:38:41Yeah, it's really me, buddy.

00:38:54Is something going on?

00:38:58I don't know.

00:39:00I really don't know.

00:39:02That's fair.

00:39:05You want to go somewhere and talk about it?

00:39:08Maybe grab a drink?

00:39:11Isn't it a bit early?

00:39:14It's Hollywood.

00:39:16And we're gay.

00:39:19So, what do you say?

00:39:21So I said, if you're getting YouTube numbers, then I'm going to need some YouTube money.

00:39:33And then they caved.

00:39:36I'm going to be honest, I don't know what any of that means.

00:39:40Neither do I.

00:39:41But it worked.

00:39:43And it got me the down payment for my brand new car, so...

00:39:47Well, cheers to that.

00:39:52So what about you?

00:39:53Are you working on anything?

00:39:57Not really.

00:39:58I don't even really know what I'm doing anymore, to be honest.

00:40:02Is that the reason why you went all lifetime original out on the street?

00:40:07I guess.

00:40:08Kinda.

00:40:10Look, dude.

00:40:11I get it.

00:40:12I don't even know what I'm doing now.

00:40:14But, isn't this the life that we chose?

00:40:18This business is just one big existential crisis.

00:40:25Maybe it isn't, though.

00:40:28Maybe it's just the truth.

00:40:29We have a whole city of people who take playing pretend very seriously.

00:40:35And maybe that's because we know that the pretend is the only thing that's real.

00:40:41Well, I mean, obviously there's always truth in art.

00:40:43No, that's not what I mean.

00:40:44I'm not talking about finding the truth in art.

00:40:46But what if art is the truth?

00:40:55Do you ever think about it?

00:40:56That movie we made, I mean.

00:40:59The one with the zombie.

00:41:02That movie?

00:41:05Sometimes, yeah.

00:41:06I mean, that was such a fun summer.

00:41:09Do you want to know what was wild?

00:41:10My character in that wasn't even supposed to have a name.

00:41:13But my reps threw a fit, mainly because they wanted more money.

00:41:17But that's why, if you remember in the script,

00:41:19they had Hot Jogger crossed out and Dylan written in.

00:41:24They were so cheap, they didn't even update the draft.

00:41:30I guess I didn't realize that.

00:41:33Did you care?

00:41:35Not really.

00:41:36I mean, my character was only there to be the conduit to your character's break with reality.

00:41:41I think.

00:41:43To be honest, I never fully really understood what was going on in that.

00:41:48And I never bothered to ask Michael.

00:41:50Michael?

00:41:55Varadi.

00:41:57The writer and the director.

00:41:59Didn't you guys make, like, a bunch of movies together?

00:42:03Right, yeah.

00:42:04Of course.

00:42:06Yeah, day drinking.

00:42:08I hear that.

00:42:08What made you think of that one?

00:42:18I guess it's just been on my mind a lot lately.

00:42:21I don't know why.

00:42:22It was fun, but it was definitely niche.

00:42:25It was too queer for horror fans and too horror for queer fans.

00:42:29But what do I know?

00:42:31Maybe it'll be one of those rediscovered classics.

00:42:33Yeah, but what if all of that is just irrelevant?

00:42:42We're talking about it like it fits in some box, but what if the box doesn't actually exist?

00:42:47I don't follow.

00:42:51What if...

00:42:52What if it's not just a movie?

00:42:56What do you mean?

00:42:57In this story, the zombie showed up when we were all commiserating failure.

00:43:01What if that was more than just symbolic?

00:43:06Ben, I'm not sure I really...

00:43:07What if when we uncover the truth in art, even if unintentionally, we can't deny that it's there?

00:43:15I'm not really digging this conversation.

00:43:19I've been seeing it, Danny.

00:43:20Seeing what?

00:43:21The zombie.

00:43:26It's not just in the movie.

00:43:27What?

00:43:28Do you hear yourself?

00:43:29Look, I am telling you because you were there.

00:43:31Hell, I probably ran into you because it was meant to be.

00:43:36Because you were a part of it.

00:43:38No one else would believe me.

00:43:39I don't believe you.

00:43:40Look, I don't fully understand myself, but somehow, someway, parts of the movie are coming true.

00:43:46I woke up in the house.

00:43:48I am seeing the zombie everywhere.

00:43:50Ben!

00:43:50Zombies aren't real.

00:43:54The movie isn't real.

00:43:56No?

00:44:00Then why has it been standing outside watching us this entire time?

00:44:18Do you see what I mean?

00:44:20I gotta go.

00:44:25No, Danny!

00:44:25No!

00:44:27We're done.

00:44:29It was nice seeing you, Ben.

00:44:34Hey, sir, is everything okay?

00:44:36I couldn't help it over here.

00:44:37I'm fine.

00:44:41Everything's fine.

00:44:42Hey, it's Michael Verratti.

00:45:06Hey, unfortunately, I can't take your call right now, but if you want to leave a message for you.

00:45:09Hey, it's me.

00:45:24Hey, it's me.

00:45:33Not to be nosy, but a friend of mine from improv said that she thought she saw you at some restaurant in the valley causing a scene today.

00:45:40Maybe it wasn't you, but like, just for sh-

00:45:54Satsang with Mooji

00:46:24Satsang with Mooji

00:46:54Satsang with Mooji

00:47:24Everyone agrees that death is hard, but this next film really redefines what that means.

00:47:33From writer-director Michael Verrani, this tale of necrotic neuroses has left fright fans divided.

00:47:40Whether this movie has something to say or just something to spray, one thing's for sure.

00:47:46There's a zombie outside has bared its teeth daily.

00:47:49Telling the story of a man who believes he's being stalked by a living, dead creature.

00:47:57I don't know about you, but I don't really get what he's complaining about.

00:48:02Silent, strong, and only paying attention to me.

00:48:06Here's the story of a man who believes it may be.

00:48:16I don't know.

00:48:46Hey, it's Michael Verratti. Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now, but if you want, I'll leave a message.

00:49:09Whatever you do, keep that door closed.

00:49:13It's too late.

00:49:17What?

00:49:18I let the zombie inside.

00:49:20What?

00:49:33Whatever you do, keep that door closed.

00:49:35I let the zombie inside.

00:49:43What?

00:49:44What?

00:49:45What?

00:49:46What?

00:49:47What?

00:49:48What?

00:49:49What?

00:49:50What?

00:49:51What?

00:49:52What?

00:49:53What?

00:49:54What?

00:49:55What?

00:49:56What?

00:49:57What?

00:49:58What?

00:49:59What?

00:50:00What?

00:50:01What?

00:50:02What?

00:50:03What?

00:50:04What?

00:50:05What?

00:50:06What?

00:50:07What?

00:50:08ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:50:38ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:08ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:38ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:40ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:42ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:44ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:48ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:52ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:54ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:51:58ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:52:00ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:52:02ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:52:04ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:52:12ORCHESTRA PLAYS

00:52:14So, let's go.

00:52:44I don't know.

00:53:14Do you hear me?

00:53:26Not here.

00:53:44Is there a reason you haven't been answering any of my calls?

00:53:56I've been busy.

00:53:57No one's that busy.

00:53:59And I'm actually not calling to gossip about boys.

00:54:01I'm actually worried about- Jesus Christ, Ben.

00:54:03This place is a wreck!

00:54:05When's the last time you left the apartment?

00:54:08Why are you here?

00:54:10And how did you get into my building anyway?

00:54:12First off, your doorman can't resist the little va-va-va.

00:54:16And second, I'm here because the last time you didn't answer any of my calls for a spell,

00:54:22I had to cross over two counties in the middle of the night to come get you.

00:54:26I'm fine.

00:54:33This does not look fine to me.

00:54:36What are you doing?

00:54:38Something is up and I'm not leaving here until I get some answers.

00:54:42I don't like this.

00:54:44Any of it.

00:54:45Don't take this the wrong way, but none of this is your concern.

00:54:48Oh, you've made that abundantly clear.

00:54:51What is that supposed to mean?

00:54:53It means this is some fairly standard bullshit.

00:54:57You're not the main character in everyone's life, Ben.

00:55:00I have things that happen to me that matter outside of you.

00:55:05So when you relegate me to some one-dimensional role, it's fucking frustrating.

00:55:10And when you're getting objectively worse,

00:55:13it also makes me feel like I'm not even doing one dimension right.

00:55:20What?

00:55:21You are the one who is insisting on inserting yourself.

00:55:24Because you got me involved in the first place.

00:55:29Now,

00:55:31what the fuck is going on with you?

00:55:40I don't really know how to explain it.

00:55:44Well,

00:55:45try.

00:55:47And...

00:55:48maybe let's start with why you've locked yourself in here.

00:55:56Because it's out there.

00:56:00Ed.

00:56:04The zombie.

00:56:07I'm sorry, what?

00:56:09The zombie?

00:56:10What, like the one from your movie?

00:56:12Yes.

00:56:15That's what it seemed like initially anyway.

00:56:18You're not making any sense.

00:56:20It didn't make any sense to me either, but...

00:56:23But since that night, I see it everywhere.

00:56:26That night?

00:56:27At the cabin?

00:56:29At first, I didn't understand it.

00:56:32So I started poring over everything I could find about the film.

00:56:35I thought maybe there was something buried out there that I was missing, but...

00:56:40The deeper I got, the farther from me it seemed.

00:56:45This is all about a movie you made five years ago?

00:56:48But did I?

00:56:50I...

00:56:51I remember it, but...

00:56:52But I don't.

00:56:54Almost like it happened to someone else.

00:56:57Sweetie.

00:56:59It's called acting.

00:57:01No!

00:57:02God, you don't get it!

00:57:04This...

00:57:06This...

00:57:07This feels true.

00:57:12And I think that's why the zombie is here, because this is the answer.

00:57:17And that's why you broke into the cabin the other day...

00:57:21What if I didn't break in at all?

00:57:24Remember, I don't know how I got there.

00:57:27There was no vehicle or means for arrival.

00:57:32What if I didn't break in?

00:57:35What if I was there?

00:57:36Because...

00:57:38That's where I start.

00:57:41I...

00:57:42I don't understand.

00:57:43God, don't you see?

00:57:44The movie is us!

00:57:47Then...

00:57:48Let me go.

00:57:50It is the only thing that makes sense.

00:57:52How else could it be everywhere that I am?

00:57:55The movie never ended.

00:57:57We're still in it.

00:57:59You know that doesn't make any sense.

00:58:02I wasn't in that movie.

00:58:04We all are.

00:58:07Eventually.

00:58:11Ben!

00:58:13Your arms...

00:58:16What have you done to yourself?

00:58:18I know what it looks like, but...

00:58:21I had to know.

00:58:23What do you mean?

00:58:28I didn't feel it.

00:58:30I...

00:58:31I should have been able to feel it.

00:58:33That is the proof!

00:58:34I'm sorry!

00:58:36I am sorry!

00:58:40We need to stop the Zombie, Taryn.

00:58:43We need to finish the movie.

00:58:45We need to finish the movie.

00:58:51Okay.

00:58:52What?

00:58:57Is that okay?

00:58:59I'll help you stop the zombie.

00:59:02You will?

00:59:04You believe me?

00:59:06I believe that you believe it.

00:59:09And that's a start.

00:59:11Yeah.

00:59:13Right.

00:59:15Okay.

00:59:17I know that this is a lot to take in, so...

00:59:21We should probably start by just going over everything.

00:59:24Have you actually seen the film?

00:59:26I have a DVD of it.

00:59:28Actually, we should start by cleaning those arms up.

00:59:32You're not fighting anything, dead or otherwise, if you get an infection.

00:59:37Do you have alcohol or hydrogen peroxide or something?

00:59:43Maybe in the bathroom?

00:59:45Great.

00:59:46I'll get that and you get the DVD started, okay?

00:59:51Right.

00:59:52On it.

00:59:53Yes, hello?

00:59:56I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

00:59:58Yes, hello?

00:59:59I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

01:00:00Yes, hello?

01:00:01I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

01:00:19I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

01:00:22I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

01:00:23I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

01:00:24People worries me when I just said that he is.

01:00:25I first know when I was going to talk to you here.

01:00:26In, there's nothing even now, I don't know if it's the

01:00:35act.

01:00:36When you hold yourself up while you're fine, close your eyes.

01:00:39Don't be careful.

01:00:41I am afraid if you want to notice this on your phone.

01:00:43OK on and I'll take that corner.

01:00:45I look like a 준.

01:00:47I'm with my friend and I think he might be a danger to himself and to me.

01:01:02The sooner you can get here the better.

01:01:04It's definitely bad.

01:01:10Just one second on that address.

01:01:17PLEASE

01:01:21The End

01:01:23PLEASE

01:01:25The End

01:01:28The End

01:01:31PLEASE

01:01:33Hello, Michael?

01:02:02Who is this and why do you keep calling me?

01:02:06It's Ben. Ben Bauer.

01:02:08That isn't funny. Ben Bauer died five years ago.

01:02:15What?

01:02:17I'm just fucking with you. What's up, Ben?

01:02:22I've been trying to get a hold of you because I have a question about there's a zombie outside.

01:02:30That whole thing? What, are we supposed to do a podcast or something I forgot about?

01:02:34Uh, no, no. I just, um...

01:02:39I just need to know why you did it. Why did you make the zombie?

01:02:46Why did I make a movie about a frustrated writer who feels he didn't reach his potential grappling with his own personal monster?

01:02:53Can't imagine what inspired that.

01:02:56That's not really what I meant.

01:02:59But it's the answer. Not that the nuance really helped your cause.

01:03:03Turns out critics get weird when you make a zombie movie with only one zombie.

01:03:09And why did I... you know, with the zombie?

01:03:15I thought we talked about all of this when we made the film.

01:03:18Uh, can you tell me again? It's... it's for research.

01:03:24Okay, uh, sure. I guess the zombie sex was symbolic of how we all inevitably embrace destruction.

01:03:33Or maybe it's because someone told me that the only way we'd get into a gay festival was if there was a sex scene in the movie and I decided to be an asshole about it.

01:03:40I don't know. Probably the first one, though.

01:03:44But what if it's the other way around? What if... what if destruction embraces us?

01:03:50Good question. I think it's still all a matter of choice. Nature really doesn't deal in monsters. Only people do.

01:03:59Huh.

01:04:00Was that all you wanted to know?

01:04:05I don't know.

01:04:09Can I see you?

01:04:10Oh, I'd love that. But I'm not in town. I'm in Utah making one of those TV Christmas movies for the next few months. Things we do for art, you know.