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jamesmovies
  • 7 weeks ago
Transcript
00:00:00You
00:00:307, 8, 7...
00:01:00You're welcome back to the land of the living.
00:01:23Was I out long?
00:01:25Long enough.
00:01:28Not that it matters.
00:01:30You guys know that I always need a nap after a boozy brunch.
00:01:33Don't let him push your buttons.
00:01:35It's your birthday.
00:01:36You do whatever the fuck you want.
00:01:37Hello, Adam?
00:01:39Your man awaits.
00:01:48Why are you always such trash?
00:01:50What I do.
00:01:51You're up.
00:01:52Yeah, sorry.
00:01:54Those limosas hit me pretty hard.
00:01:58Well, that's the cost of wild living.
00:01:59Yeah, not wild enough for some, apparently.
00:02:09Not wild enough for some, apparently.
00:02:11What do you mean?
00:02:13I mean, Zeke just keeps making these little comments that suggest that he's not exactly
00:02:16thrilled with the weekend's festivities.
00:02:18I don't know.
00:02:19Or, you know, lack thereof.
00:02:21Whatever.
00:02:22Not everything's some big fire island bender.
00:02:25I mean, the whole idea that all gay getaways have to be substance abuse and sex-filled chaos
00:02:30is reductive.
00:02:31So you're not, like, mad that there's not more to do?
00:02:36Or that your boyfriend is sleeping the day away?
00:02:38Absolutely not.
00:02:39I mean, the whole point of this vacation is to do absolutely nothing, really.
00:02:48Besides, when I came in earlier to check up on you, you looked so cute, all wrapped up
00:02:55in your blankets, snoozing into one of those stupid films that you love.
00:03:00The work of Ted V. Michaels is not stupid.
00:03:03It's just, you know, misunderstood.
00:03:05Not that it matters, I must have slept through the whole thing.
00:03:10When I woke up, there was just dead air.
00:03:12Well, next time in the bedroom, maybe I'll add things up.
00:03:30What the hell?
00:03:32What the fuck?
00:03:33Did you see?
00:03:34See what?
00:03:35It was watching us.
00:03:37It's...
00:03:38What are you talking about?
00:03:39Out there.
00:03:40I don't see anything.
00:03:43It was there.
00:03:44It was.
00:03:45What?
00:03:46I don't know how else to say this, but...
00:03:51I don't know how else to say this, but...
00:03:52I don't know how else to say this, but...
00:03:58Could you say that again?
00:04:12I told you!
00:04:13I told you!
00:04:14There is a zombie outside!
00:04:16Or at least something that looks like a zombie!
00:04:19I thought you said we were bringing party drugs in the same game.
00:04:24You know how that sounds, right?
00:04:29Maybe you've been watching too many of those movies?
00:04:33Oh, okay.
00:04:34What actually happened?
00:04:35We were having an intimate moment.
00:04:39An intimate moment?
00:04:41Were you two gonna fuck in the kitchen?
00:04:45We make food in here.
00:04:46I think it's...
00:04:49Continue?
00:04:51And I looked outside and there was someone out there watching us!
00:04:55Like...
00:04:56Like hardcore!
00:04:58Now when you say hardcore...
00:05:00Dave!
00:05:04I don't see anyone.
00:05:05Well yeah, they probably ran away during all of the commotion, but there was someone out there!
00:05:09I swear!
00:05:14Alright then...
00:05:16Let's go take a look.
00:05:18I'm sorry, what?
00:05:19Well, as far as I know, the closest house is a good mile and a half down the road, so...
00:05:25If someone's wandering around outside, I think we should probably know.
00:05:29So you want us to go look for a peeper?
00:05:32Have you watched any of the true crime documentaries that I've recommended?
00:05:36Well, if you'd bother to take any of the CrossFit classes that I recommended...
00:05:40You wouldn't have anything to worry about!
00:05:41Bitch!
00:05:42How very dare!
00:05:43If anything!
00:05:44I am the muscles of the group.
00:05:47Okay.
00:05:48Uh...
00:05:49Are we gonna do this or what?
00:05:55I mean...
00:05:57Is it too late to vote for or what?
00:05:59Anybody see anything?
00:06:00What if it went into the woods?
00:06:01Wouldn't be very smart.
00:06:02Rather is assuming an intruder is gonna stick to the manicured parts of the lawn.
00:06:06The only reason that we're out here...
00:06:07What?
00:06:08The only reason that we're out here...
00:06:09What?
00:06:10What?
00:06:11What is it?
00:06:12There...
00:06:13Do you see it?
00:06:14See what?
00:06:15See what?
00:06:17What?
00:06:18What?
00:06:19What?
00:06:20That monster...
00:06:21What?
00:06:22What?
00:06:23What is it?
00:06:24What?
00:06:25What is it?
00:06:26What?
00:06:27What is it?
00:06:28There.
00:06:29Do you see it?
00:06:30See what?
00:06:31That monster...
00:06:32Is...
00:06:33Is...
00:06:34Shocking!
00:06:35He made it sound like something was wrong.
00:06:36Well there could be, if he's solely relying on cardio for exercise.
00:06:37He's such an idiot.
00:06:38What?
00:06:39What?
00:06:40What is it?
00:06:41What is it?
00:06:42There.
00:06:43Do you see it?
00:06:44Do you see it?
00:06:45See what?
00:06:46That...
00:06:47Monster...
00:06:48Is...
00:06:49Shocking?
00:06:50He made it sound like something was wrong.
00:06:51Well there could be, if he's solely relying on cardio for exercise.
00:07:03He's such an idiot.
00:07:05Uh...
00:07:07Hi.
00:07:08Is everything okay?
00:07:10Fine.
00:07:11I think.
00:07:12We are renting this house for the weekend and um...
00:07:17My partner here, he thought he saw someone in the yard.
00:07:20Yeah.
00:07:21You been peeping at anybody's windows today?
00:07:24What?
00:07:25Uh...
00:07:26What my friend here is trying to ask is if you've seen anyone around.
00:07:30Honestly, just you guys.
00:07:31It's pretty underpopulated this time of the year.
00:07:34Yeah.
00:07:35We kinda noticed.
00:07:37Where did you come from?
00:07:39Pretty far out for a run.
00:07:40I'm just staying in my uncle's cabin up the road.
00:07:43Come here a lot in the off season, just to chill.
00:07:46This is the only road in and up, right?
00:07:48That's what they tell me.
00:07:50And you're on your way back from your run.
00:07:52Okay.
00:07:53Get to the point.
00:07:54Angela lands area.
00:07:55I am.
00:07:56Look.
00:07:57If this is the only road, then he had to have passed the house earlier when he left for
00:08:02his run.
00:08:03Yeah, I did.
00:08:04Like a half hour ago.
00:08:06Which is exactly around the time when Adam thought he saw someone.
00:08:09Okay.
00:08:10Case closed.
00:08:11Look Adam, you just saw our neighbor here getting some exercise.
00:08:13No creepers.
00:08:14No zombies.
00:08:15Just an afternoon mug.
00:08:17Zombies?
00:08:18No.
00:08:19Look.
00:08:20I know the difference.
00:08:21Okay.
00:08:22There you have it.
00:08:23Okay.
00:08:24Adam, I'd say you need glasses, babe, but you already got them.
00:08:28Sue your eye doctor or something.
00:08:30Can we please go back inside?
00:08:32There is a bottle of margarita mix waiting to help us all forget.
00:08:35We wasted our time spooky doing around this fucking yard.
00:08:38Look, I just feel sorry about all this, really.
00:08:41I hope you guys have a good whatever it is that you're doing here.
00:08:44Are you coming?
00:08:48Sorry.
00:09:01Okay, that is absolutely not.
00:09:05Bitch, I have photographic evidence, okay?
00:09:08You in a hot pink feather boa and matching pink platforms.
00:09:11I would love to see that.
00:09:13That could be arranged.
00:09:14Under no circumstances are those photos exchanging hands.
00:09:17Got it?
00:09:18Okay, we'll see about that.
00:09:20And why did I not know about this?
00:09:22It was way before your time.
00:09:24Yeah, I had just moved.
00:09:25It was my first summer in the city.
00:09:27God, everything just felt so new then.
00:09:30How come you guys stopped doing all those performances?
00:09:35I mean, it sounds like it was a blast.
00:09:37Oh, I wasn't in it for the long haul.
00:09:38It was more like a weekend thing so I could cope with my awful minimum wage job.
00:09:42The artist life is more your boy's thing.
00:09:45Yeah, I don't know how much of my thing it ended up being, but thanks.
00:09:50Come on, babe. Don't be so hard on yourself.
00:09:52I mean, I'm not being hard on myself. It's just true.
00:09:55Yeah, I have to kind of side with Ollie here.
00:09:57You've done some great stuff.
00:09:59Yeah? Like what?
00:10:02A Fringe Fest play that tens of people saw?
00:10:06Or some short films that disappeared as soon as the festival circuit was over?
00:10:11I mean, hell, you're talking about our cabaret from back in the day and we couldn't even sell those out.
00:10:15I don't know.
00:10:17No, I'm fine. It's just...
00:10:21I guess...
00:10:23I guess I just thought I'd have made a dent by now.
00:10:26You know, I've been doing this for years and yet I keep losing jobs to guys with less experience and more abs.
00:10:32I just wish we could have had a birthday party where I was celebrating a win and not just another year of me kidding myself.
00:10:42Babe, you're not kidding yourself. It's your dream and it's a really hard one.
00:10:45And as a friend, it's so inspiring to watch you just keep going at it.
00:10:49I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
00:10:52And you know the worst part? It has completely zapped my creativity.
00:10:57Everything I try to write down anymore just feels so artificial.
00:11:02Well, that can't entirely be true. I'm sure something inspires you.
00:11:12Alright, anyone else need a drink?
00:11:14Uh, no. If anything, the last few minutes have proven that I should probably cut myself off and just turn in.
00:11:21Yeah, same.
00:11:23I would prefer not to be super hungover tomorrow.
00:11:27Boo to both of you, but I get it.
00:11:29I'm just gonna go pour myself another one and then go take it to my bedroom and do my nighttime reading.
00:11:34Ooh, salacious.
00:11:36Do you need help with him?
00:11:40Oh, fuck no.
00:11:42He drank himself into a stupor so he can lie where he lays. Not our problem.
00:11:48Goodnight, goodnight.
00:11:50Goodnight, babe. Sleep tight.
00:11:53Hey, Lewis.
00:11:57Of course, babe.
00:12:00Happy birthday. I'm sorry it's not what you want it to be, but there's always next year.
00:12:04Yeah.
00:12:05And look at the bright side. You look amazing for 40.
00:12:10Oh, you bitch.
00:12:11Oh, you know it.
00:12:12That was a fun night.
00:12:13Nice to reminisce.
00:12:25Yeah.
00:12:27Sorry if I got too deep.
00:12:30Isn't that what birthdays are for? Reflecting and shit.
00:12:34I guess.
00:12:35Well, in the spirit of things, if you want to go deep another way.
00:12:48Really?
00:12:50Hey, you're the writer here, okay? I'm trying.
00:12:53Besides, that doesn't answer the question.
00:12:59Can you just give me a second?
00:13:14What's going on, Adam?
00:13:27What do you mean?
00:13:29Do you even want to? With me?
00:13:32What? Yes, of course I do. I just...
00:13:35Just not right now.
00:13:38I'm not in the headspace.
00:13:41When are you going to be in the headspace exactly?
00:13:44Are you serious? Are you...
00:13:46Are you getting mad at me because I don't want to have sex right now?
00:13:49No, this is not about the sex.
00:13:52This is about everything.
00:13:54This is about how you've been pushing me away for weeks.
00:13:58I have not been pushing you away.
00:13:59Bullshit.
00:14:01You barely touch me anymore.
00:14:04And you treat every interaction with me like it's some inconvenience.
00:14:09I mean, fuck, I tried kissing you today, and I got a bloody nose for it.
00:14:14That is not fair. You know that I thought I said-
00:14:15Yeah, I remember.
00:14:19It's being touched by me so bad that you have to make up monsters.
00:14:37You know, I thought that you were just having a birthday pity party.
00:14:44You were in your feelings.
00:14:46It wasn't about me.
00:14:48No, it isn't. I-
00:14:49It was bad enough that you eye-fucked that jogger earlier and didn't think that I noticed.
00:14:55But then I had to sit there next to you on that couch tonight
00:14:59and listen to you tell your friends about how nothing inspires you or excites you anymore.
00:15:06I mean, that kind of puts the writing on the wall for me, doesn't it?
00:15:08That is not what I meant.
00:15:09That's how it feels.
00:15:10That is not what I meant.
00:15:12That's how it feels.
00:15:13That's how it feels.
00:15:33Do you even want to be with me anymore?
00:15:34Do you even know what you want at all?
00:15:46No, Wally, I-
00:15:47Father.
00:16:05Fuck.
00:16:06No, Wally.
00:16:08It's not what I meant.
00:16:23I'm sorry, why are you waiting for me?
00:16:25This is a place for me.
00:16:57Great.
00:17:03Hello?
00:17:05Just a minute.
00:17:07Come on.
00:17:11Look up the piss.
00:17:18Come on.
00:17:27Hello?
00:17:30I said just a minute.
00:17:39Whatever.
00:17:40Oh, fuck.
00:17:54Come on.
00:18:24Come on.
00:18:48ORGAN PLAYS
00:19:18Hello?
00:19:48How am I even feeling out here?
00:19:53I don't know, just being straight within the woods, but...
00:20:03I'm sorry.
00:20:05I'm sorry.
00:20:06I'm sorry.
00:20:08I'm sorry.
00:20:10I'm sorry.
00:20:11I'm sorry.
00:20:13I'm sorry.
00:20:15I'm sorry.
00:20:16I'm sorry.
00:20:17I'm sorry.
00:20:18I'm sorry.
00:20:20I'm sorry.
00:20:21I'm sorry.
00:20:22I'm sorry.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:25Oh, my God.
00:20:55Adam, is that you?
00:21:14Adam!
00:21:25Adam, is that you?
00:21:55You know, you should be cuffed.
00:22:07Lucky for you, I don't really feel like being hassled right now.
00:22:11That, and I know I could kick your ass if you put up a fuss.
00:22:15Right. Sure.
00:22:16So you mind telling me what you were doing, taking a long nap in a house that doesn't belong to you?
00:22:26I don't know. I really don't.
00:22:32I don't know. I really don't.
00:22:35You know, I'm going to need a little more than that.
00:22:39Not for me, because I don't really give a shit.
00:22:41But for the guys down at the station, they will. They'll care a lot.
00:22:45You're from around here?
00:22:50No, I'm...
00:22:52I'm not even really sure where...
00:22:57I know you.
00:23:00You do?
00:23:01I made that zombie movie up here a couple years ago.
00:23:08Zombie?
00:23:10I can't believe I didn't recognize you.
00:23:12It's probably because it's dark and dingy in here.
00:23:14But yeah, you guys made that movie.
00:23:16We don't get a lot of movies that shoot around these parts,
00:23:18so I take it as my business to watch all of them,
00:23:22even the really cheesy ones.
00:23:25Yeah, this is a great location.
00:23:30You know, a lot of people got down on that movie because of the zombie sex.
00:23:35Not me.
00:23:37Because I knew it was for the art.
00:23:39Right?
00:23:41And I didn't even really mind about that other stuff either.
00:23:46Just so you know.
00:23:48All right.
00:23:50Yeah, good to know.
00:23:54Funny.
00:23:55A zombie movie.
00:23:58Let me see what I can do.
00:23:59And not because I'm giving you a free pass for what you did here tonight,
00:24:03because this is just kind of weird.
00:24:05Because I know that sometimes actors do eccentric things.
00:24:11Don't move.
00:24:12I understand.
00:24:18I care.
00:24:27I know.
00:24:32I know.
00:24:32Ben!
00:24:52Ben Bauer.
00:24:56It's your name, right?
00:24:57I gotta admit, I looked it up on IMDb when I was in the car.
00:25:03Yeah, that's my name.
00:25:05Your actor, Ben Bauer.
00:25:07Look, I made a call, I talked to the owners of the house,
00:25:11they're not gonna press charges.
00:25:14But, they strongly inferred that they'd like you to not do this again.
00:25:20Okay?
00:25:22So if you ever get the urge to come up here and, you know,
00:25:25sleep in somebody else's house, maybe don't.
00:25:29Right.
00:25:31Okay.
00:25:32Alright, well, how'd you get up here?
00:25:37I...
00:25:40I don't actually know.
00:25:43Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:25:45Actors and drugs.
00:25:48Do you have somebody you could call?
00:25:57Do you think the owners would mind if I used their phone?
00:26:00I understand that, officer.
00:26:03Again.
00:26:04Look, it may not be my place to say,
00:26:08I don't know if this is pattern behavior or what,
00:26:12but you might want to talk to your friend about therapy,
00:26:16something,
00:26:18rehab.
00:26:20I'll definitely keep that in mind.
00:26:22I'll definitely keep that in mind.
00:26:24Look, I'm just gonna ask you this straight up with zero judgment.
00:26:48Are you okay?
00:26:50I don't think so.
00:26:54I don't think so.
00:26:56Okay.
00:26:57But like,
00:26:58you're fine?
00:27:00You're not hurt or sick or anything?
00:27:04Yes, ma'am.
00:27:06I feel fine.
00:27:09Okay.
00:27:11Okay.
00:27:12Okay.
00:27:13In that case,
00:27:15what in the actual fuck, Ben?
00:27:17I thought you said there was gonna be zero judgment.
00:27:19Oh, that was before you declared you were fine.
00:27:21I meant physically.
00:27:22Obviously, I am not fine.
00:27:23I...
00:27:24I don't know what the fuck is happening.
00:27:26It's 4 a.m.
00:27:27It took me two and a half hours to get down here from Los Angeles.
00:27:30The sun will be up before we get home.
00:27:32I don't know what the fuck is happening.
00:27:34It's 4 a.m.
00:27:35It took me two and a half hours to get down here from Los Angeles.
00:27:37The sun will be up before we get home.
00:27:41You better start figuring it out, Ben,
00:27:43because I'm gonna need some kind of explanation.
00:27:47I told you, I don't know.
00:27:50Whenever I try to concentrate to remember,
00:27:53it's just like static in my head.
00:27:56Yeah.
00:27:57That's not concerning at all.
00:28:00Look, I haven't heard from you in weeks.
00:28:04That can't be true.
00:28:06Look, I can only speak for myself,
00:28:09but when my best friend goes radio silent for almost a month,
00:28:13I would tend to notice.
00:28:15I didn't realize-
00:28:16So you can imagine my feelings when this, of all calls,
00:28:20is the one to break the silence.
00:28:22Last time we talked, you were hyped up about a big audition you had,
00:28:26and then nothing.
00:28:29Have you become that much of an actor that normal engagement is just too much for you?
00:28:35Audition?
00:28:37Yeah, I said other words in there too.
00:28:44I'm not gonna bust your balls,
00:28:46because clearly you're going through something right now,
00:28:49and I care about you.
00:28:51But this one-sided stuff is just not okay.
00:28:56I get it.
00:28:57I do.
00:28:58Uh-huh.
00:28:59You seriously can't remember anything.
00:29:01All I recall is that I was at home watching a movie,
00:29:19and then the next thing I know, I'm being woken up by the police officer in that house.
00:29:31Okay, wait.
00:29:33So you're chilling, watching a flick,
00:29:36and the next thing you know, you'd be in need into a house you shot at five years ago?
00:29:40Was that five years ago?
00:29:42Are you sure you're not taking anything?
00:29:45As far as I know.
00:29:48Look, clearly we're not gonna solve anything tonight.
00:29:53But next time you decide to go on a vision quest,
00:29:57and break into one of your old filming locations,
00:30:01maybe pick a place up the street where we shot the web series,
00:30:05and not some place that requires two highway exchanges and a rural access code to get to.
00:30:10Okay?
00:30:11I'll try my best.
00:30:14Oh, speaking of the bumfuck remoteness of it all,
00:30:18how did the people who own the house know you were there?
00:30:21Oh, apparently they have cameras all over the house.
00:30:25God.
00:30:26You can't trust anyone these days.
00:30:28No.
00:30:29You can't.
00:30:30No.
00:30:31You can't.
00:30:33You can't trust anyone else.
00:30:39You can't trust anyone.
00:30:40I can't trust anyone our Larsen Lieres for Follow-up deÄŸil natuurlijk.
00:30:45And then there is a pair of balloons that actually can't happen yet.
00:30:48You sure you're going to be okay by yourself?
00:31:17I think so.
00:31:18Alright.
00:31:19But, to be clear, we are not done talking about all this.
00:31:25I just need to get some serious sleep first.
00:31:29Yeah, for sure.
00:31:30You should...
00:31:31You should go do that.
00:31:34Okay, then.
00:31:37I'll be fine, really.
00:31:43Can you say that for sure?
00:31:47Can anyone?
00:31:50Well, with that cheerful thought...
00:31:54Hey, Taryn.
00:31:56Hmm?
00:31:58Oh, you will definitely be thanking me over the course of several dinners that you will definitely
00:32:08be paying for.
00:32:09Love you.
00:32:10You too.
00:32:15You too.
00:32:18I'm sorry.
00:32:19I'm sorry.
00:32:20I'm sorry.
00:32:21I'm sorry.
00:32:23I'm sorry.
00:32:24I'm sorry.
00:32:25I'm sorry.
00:32:26I'm sorry.
00:32:27I'm sorry.
00:32:29I'm sorry.
00:32:30I'm sorry.
00:34:07And we can't be personally invested in behavior that is harmful to the brand.
00:34:12Personally invested?
00:34:13I haven't heard from you guys in weeks.
00:34:16That's not true.
00:34:17I sent you on that audition.
00:34:19A month ago.
00:34:20And it was very clear that they didn't want anyone who read as gay.
00:34:24That's your problem.
00:34:26I get you the appointment.
00:34:27You're the one that has to show up and act.
00:34:30If they don't want something, don't give it to them.
00:34:32Okay, but that's one of the things I bring to the table.
00:34:35I want to be making queer art.
00:34:38Yeah, so you said.
00:34:39Your generation and your message movies.
00:34:42Don't think I don't get it.
00:34:44But that's not the biz.
00:34:45You want to sell tickets?
00:34:46You have to go broad.
00:34:48Otherwise, you're going to be stuck with a web series and indie movies.
00:34:51And let's face it.
00:34:53You haven't exactly booked any of those lately either.
00:34:57Okay, so...
00:34:58So what can we do?
00:35:01We are not going to do anything.
00:35:04In case I haven't made myself entirely clear.
00:35:07I can't rep you anymore.
00:35:09You're dropping me?
00:35:10Come on, kid.
00:35:12You haven't landed a gig in forever.
00:35:14Which already put you in a tenuous position on our roster.
00:35:18And now with the hijinks last night.
00:35:20Well, it's not exactly like you're a winning bet.
00:35:23I don't fucking believe this shit.
00:35:25You knew what kind of movies I wanted to make.
00:35:27And you didn't even try to find projects that were a match.
00:35:30Yeah, well...
00:35:32Have you ever considered that you were maybe being unrealistic?
00:35:35Actors don't have the luxury of getting to pick their own identity.
00:35:39Other people tell you who you are.
00:35:42And you graciously smile and take the paycheck.
00:35:50I don't think fuckin' bad in the school.
00:35:52I'm done patty.
00:35:53I don't know.
00:35:53I'm taking the money.
00:35:54I'm dying, too.
00:35:55Okay.
00:35:55And you'll be like,
00:35:57um...
00:35:57That's who it is.
00:35:59Br Doc.
00:35:59Hey, this is Taryn. Sorry I can't answer your phone.
00:36:29Hey, this is Taryn.
00:36:59I mean, you do have those movies like Shaun of the Dead where you do have a semi-happy ending
00:37:28to a zombie movie, but I'm just saying that it seems like a losing proposition.
00:37:32Okay, but in the spirit of our show, I have to ask, is there a proper way to survive a zombie movie?
00:37:37I think it depends on the kind of zombie.
00:37:39Are we talking voodoo zombies or like brain munch munch lobbies?
00:37:43It's a very, very important distinction.
00:37:46Okay, so for argument's sake, let's go for the classic Romero style.
00:37:50Although, we have to point out for our horror hounds that it isn't actually a zombie in Night of the Living Dead.
00:37:54It is a ghoul, so let's just make that clear.
00:37:57The ghouls. See, it's a classic ghoul.
00:37:58Okay, sure, sure, sure. I'll bite.
00:38:00You know, I gotta bring the puns, all right?
00:38:04So, nice. Thank you so much.
00:38:06But how do you survive?
00:38:07I mean, like, honestly, you don't.
00:38:10I mean, like, honestly, you don't.
00:38:40Ben?
00:38:49I thought that was you.
00:38:55Is everything okay?
00:38:57Is it really you?
00:39:01Yeah, it's really me, buddy.
00:39:10Is something going on?
00:39:18I don't know.
00:39:20I really don't know.
00:39:22That's fair.
00:39:25You want to go somewhere and talk about it?
00:39:28Maybe grab a drink?
00:39:29Isn't it a bit early?
00:39:34It's Hollywood.
00:39:36And we're gay.
00:39:39So, what do you say?
00:39:46So I said, if you're getting YouTube numbers, then I'm gonna need some YouTube money.
00:39:51And then they caved.
00:39:56I'm gonna be honest.
00:39:57I don't know what any of that means.
00:40:00Neither do I.
00:40:02But it worked.
00:40:03And it got me the down payment for my brand new car.
00:40:06So.
00:40:07Oh, cheers to that.
00:40:12So what about you?
00:40:13Are you working on anything?
00:40:17Not really.
00:40:19I don't even really know what I'm doing anymore, to be honest.
00:40:22Is that the reason why you went all lifetime original out on the street?
00:40:27I guess.
00:40:28Kinda.
00:40:30Look, dude.
00:40:31I get it.
00:40:34But.
00:40:35Isn't this the life that we chose?
00:40:38This business is just one big existential crisis.
00:40:45Maybe it isn't, though.
00:40:48Maybe it's just the truth.
00:40:49We have a whole city of people who take playing pretend very seriously.
00:40:55And maybe that's because we know that the pretend is the only thing that's real.
00:41:01Well, I mean, obviously there's always truth in art.
00:41:03No, that's not what I mean.
00:41:04I'm not talking about finding the truth in art.
00:41:06But what if art is the truth?
00:41:15Do you ever think about it?
00:41:16That movie we made, I mean, the one with the zombie.
00:41:22That movie?
00:41:24Sometimes, yeah.
00:41:26I mean, that was such a fun summer.
00:41:28Do you want to know what was wild?
00:41:30My character in that wasn't even supposed to have a name.
00:41:33But my reps threw a fit, mainly because they wanted more money.
00:41:37But that's why, if you remember in the script, they had Hot Jogger crossed out and Dylan written in.
00:41:44They were so cheap, they didn't even update the draft.
00:41:50I guess I didn't realize that.
00:41:53Did you care?
00:41:55Not really.
00:41:56I mean, my character was only there to be the conduit to your character's break with reality.
00:42:00I think.
00:42:03To be honest, I never fully really understood what was going on in that.
00:42:08And I never bothered to ask Michael.
00:42:13Michael?
00:42:15Varadi.
00:42:17The writer and the director.
00:42:19Didn't you guys make, like, a bunch of movies together?
00:42:21Right, yeah.
00:42:24Of course.
00:42:26Yeah, day drinking.
00:42:28I hear that.
00:42:34What made you think of that one?
00:42:38I guess it's just been on my mind a lot lately.
00:42:41I don't know why.
00:42:42It was fun, but it was definitely niche.
00:42:45It was too queer for horror fans and too horror for queer fans.
00:42:49But what do I know?
00:42:51Maybe it'll be one of those rediscovered classics.
00:42:57Yeah, but what if all of that is just irrelevant?
00:43:02We're talking about it like it fits in some box, but what if the box doesn't actually exist?
00:43:07I don't follow.
00:43:11What if...
00:43:12What if it's not just a movie?
00:43:16What do you mean?
00:43:17In the story, the zombie showed up when we were all commiserating failure.
00:43:21What if that was more than just symbolic?
00:43:26Ben, I'm not sure I really...
00:43:27What if when we uncover the truth in art, even if unintentionally, we can't deny that it's there?
00:43:32I'm not really digging this conversation.
00:43:39I've been seeing it, Danny.
00:43:40Seeing what?
00:43:44The zombie.
00:43:46It's not just in the movie.
00:43:47What?
00:43:48Do you hear yourself?
00:43:49I am telling you because you were there.
00:43:50Hell, I probably ran into you because it was meant to be.
00:43:56Because you were a part of it.
00:43:58No one else would believe me.
00:43:59I don't believe you.
00:44:00Look, I don't fully understand myself, but somehow, someway, parts of the movie are coming true.
00:44:05I walk up in the house.
00:44:08I am seeing the zombie everywhere.
00:44:10Ben!
00:44:11Zombies aren't real.
00:44:14The movie isn't real.
00:44:16No?
00:44:20Then why has it been standing outside watching us this entire time?
00:44:24Do you see what I mean?
00:44:44I gotta go.
00:44:45Danny!
00:44:45No!
00:44:47We're done.
00:44:48It was nice seeing you, Ben.
00:44:54Hey, uh, sir, is everything okay?
00:44:56I couldn't help it over here.
00:44:57I'm fine.
00:45:01Everything's fine.
00:45:03Um.
00:45:04Hey, it's Michael Verratti.
00:45:26Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now, but if you want, I'll leave in this.
00:45:29Hey, it's me.
00:45:53Not to be nosy, but a friend of mine from improv said that she thought she saw you at some restaurant in the valley causing a scene today.
00:46:00Maybe it wasn't you, but, like, just for sh-
00:46:04or you...
00:46:07Oh my gosh.
00:46:08I'm fine.
00:46:09I'm fine.
00:46:10I'm fine.
00:46:21Oh my god.
00:46:23Oh my God.
00:46:23Ha ha ha ha.
00:46:24Oh my god.
00:46:25Oh my god.
00:46:27Oh my god.
00:46:28Aww.
00:46:29Oh my god.
00:46:30Oh my god.
00:47:32Everyone agrees that death is hard, but this next film really redefines what that means.
00:47:52From writer-director Michael Verratti, this tale of necrotic neuroses has left fright fans divided.
00:48:00Whether this movie has something to say or just something to spray, one thing's for sure.
00:48:05There's a zombie outside, has bared its teeth daily.
00:48:12Telling the story of a man who believes he's being stalked by a living dead creature.
00:48:17I don't know about you, but I don't really get what he's complaining about.
00:48:22Silent, strong, and only paying attention to me.
00:48:26Silent, strong, and only paying attention to me.
00:48:28I don't know about you.
00:48:29I don't know about you.
00:48:30I don't know about you.
00:48:31I don't know about you.
00:48:32I don't know about you.
00:48:33I don't know about you.
00:48:36What's in the dark place?
00:48:38I don't know about you.
00:48:38I don't know about you.
00:48:43Hey, it's Michael Verratti.
00:49:08Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now,
00:49:10but if you want to leave a message...
00:49:13Whatever you do, keep that door closed.
00:49:33It's too late.
00:49:37What?
00:49:38I let the zombie inside.
00:49:40What?
00:49:41Whatever you do, keep that door closed.
00:49:58Hey, buddy.
00:50:01What?
00:50:02I let the zombie inside.
00:50:04What?
00:50:05I let the zombie where he isn't.
00:50:26BIRDS CHIRP
00:50:56BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:26BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:28BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:30BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:32BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:42BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:44BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:48BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:50BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:54BIRDS CHIRP
00:51:56BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:00BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:02BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:08BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:10BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:12BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:14BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:20BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:22BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:24BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:26BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:28BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:30BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:32BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:34BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:36BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:52:40I don't know.
00:53:10I don't know.
00:53:40I don't know.
00:53:42I don't know.
00:53:44Do you hear me?
00:53:46Not here.
00:53:48Is there a reason you haven't been answering any of my calls?
00:54:16I've been busy.
00:54:17No one's that busy.
00:54:18And I'm actually not calling to gossip about boys.
00:54:20I'm actually worried about- Jesus Christ, Ben!
00:54:23This place is a wreck!
00:54:26When's the last time you left the apartment?
00:54:28Why are you here?
00:54:30And how did you get into my building anyway?
00:54:32First off, your doorman can't resist the little vuh-vuh-vuh.
00:54:37And second, I'm here because the last time you didn't answer any of my calls for a spell,
00:54:42I had to cross over two counties in the middle of the night to come get you!
00:54:46I'm- I'm fine.
00:54:53This does not look fine to me.
00:54:56What are you doing?
00:54:58Something is up, and I'm not leaving here until I get some answers.
00:55:02I don't like this.
00:55:03Any of it.
00:55:05Don't take this the wrong way, but none of this is your concern.
00:55:08Oh, you've made that abundantly clear.
00:55:11What is that supposed to mean?
00:55:13It means this is some fairly standard bullshit.
00:55:17You're not the main character in everyone's life, Ben.
00:55:21I have things that happen to me that matter outside of you.
00:55:25So when you relegate me to some one-dimensional role,
00:55:28it's fucking frustrating!
00:55:30And when you're getting objectively worse,
00:55:34it also makes me feel like I'm not even doing one dimension right.
00:55:40What?
00:55:41You are the one who is insisting on inserting yourself!
00:55:44Because you got me involved in the first place!
00:55:49Now...
00:55:51What the fuck is going on with you?
00:55:59I don't really know how to explain it.
00:56:04I'll try.
00:56:06And maybe let's start with why you've locked yourself in here.
00:56:12Because it's out there.
00:56:20Ed...
00:56:24Sold me.
00:56:27I'm sorry, what?
00:56:29The zombie?
00:56:30What, like the one from your movie?
00:56:31Yes!
00:56:35That's what it seemed like initially, anyway.
00:56:38You're not making any sense.
00:56:40It didn't make any sense to me either, but...
00:56:43But since that night, I see it everywhere!
00:56:46That night? At the cabin?
00:56:47At first, I didn't understand it.
00:56:52So I started poring over everything I could find about the film.
00:56:55I thought maybe there was something buried out there that I was missing, but...
00:57:00The deeper I got, the farther from me it seemed.
00:57:04This is all about a movie you made five years ago?
00:57:08But did I?
00:57:10I...
00:57:11I remember it, but...
00:57:13But I don't.
00:57:15Almost like it happened to someone else.
00:57:18Sweetie.
00:57:20It's called acting.
00:57:21No!
00:57:22God, you don't get it!
00:57:24This...
00:57:26This...
00:57:29This feels true.
00:57:33And I think that's why the zombie is here, because this is the answer.
00:57:37And that's why you broke into the cabin the other night.
00:57:41I...
00:57:42What if I didn't break in at all?
00:57:44Remember, I don't know how I got there.
00:57:47There was no vehicle or means for arrival.
00:57:52What if I didn't break in?
00:57:54What if I was there, because...
00:57:57That's where I start.
00:58:01I...
00:58:02I don't understand.
00:58:03Don't you see? The movie is us!
00:58:07Ben...
00:58:08Let me go.
00:58:10It is the only thing that makes sense.
00:58:13How else could it be everywhere that I am?
00:58:15The movie never ended.
00:58:17We're still in it.
00:58:19You know that doesn't make any sense.
00:58:22I wasn't in that movie.
00:58:24We all are.
00:58:27Eventually...
00:58:30Ben...
00:58:32Your arms...
00:58:36What have you done to yourself?
00:58:37I...
00:58:38I know...
00:58:39What it looks like, but...
00:58:41I had to know.
00:58:43What do you mean?
00:58:48I didn't feel it.
00:58:50I...
00:58:51I should have been able to feel it.
00:58:52That is the proof!
00:58:53What is the proof?
00:58:59We need to stop the zombie, Taryn.
00:59:04We need to finish the movie.
00:59:11Okay.
00:59:14What?
00:59:16Is that okay?
00:59:19I'll help you stop the zombie.
00:59:23You will?
00:59:25You believe me?
00:59:27I believe that you believe it.
00:59:29And that's a start.
00:59:34Right.
00:59:36Okay.
00:59:38I know that this is a lot to take in, so...
00:59:41We should probably start by just going over everything.
00:59:44Have you actually seen the film?
00:59:46I have a DVD of it.
00:59:48Actually...
00:59:50We should start by cleaning those arms up.
00:59:52You're not fighting anything.
00:59:54Dead or otherwise.
00:59:55If you get an infection.
00:59:57Uh...
00:59:58Do you have...
00:59:59Alcohol?
01:00:00Or...
01:00:01Hydrated peroxide?
01:00:02Or something?
01:00:04Uh...
01:00:05Maybe in the bathroom?
01:00:06Great.
01:00:07I'll get that, and you get the DVD started.
01:00:08Okay?
01:00:11Right.
01:00:13On it.
01:00:26Yes.
01:00:33Hello?
01:00:36I don't know if this counts as an emergency.
01:00:56I'm with my friend, and...
01:01:12I think he might be a danger to himself.
01:01:18And to me.
01:01:22The sooner you can get here, the better.
01:01:24It's definitely bad.
01:01:30Just one second on that address.
01:01:54Hello? Michael?
01:01:55Who is this?
01:01:56Hello? Michael?
01:01:57Who is this?
01:01:58And why do you keep calling me?
01:01:59It's Ben. Ben Bauer.
01:02:00It's Ben. Ben Bauer.
01:02:01It's Ben. Ben Bauer.
01:02:06Hello? Michael?
01:02:07Who is this? And why do you keep calling me?
01:02:11It's Ben. Ben Bauer.
01:02:12That isn't funny. Ben Bauer died five years ago.
01:02:17What?
01:02:18I'm just fucking with you.
01:02:19What's up, Ben?
01:02:20I've, uh...
01:02:21I've been trying to get a hold of you...
01:02:23I've been trying to get a hold of you...
01:02:24Because I have a question about...
01:02:25There's a zombie outside.
01:02:26That whole thing?
01:02:27What?
01:02:28Are we supposed to do a podcast or something?
01:02:29I forgot about?
01:02:30What?
01:02:31What?
01:02:32What?
01:02:33Are we supposed to do a podcast or something?
01:02:34I forgot about?
01:02:35Uh...
01:02:36No. No. I just, um...
01:02:37I just need to know why you did it.
01:02:41Why did you make it?
01:02:42I'm just fucking with you.
01:02:43What?
01:02:44I'm just fucking with you.
01:02:45What?
01:02:46I'm just fucking with you.
01:02:47What's up, Ben?
01:02:48I've, uh...
01:02:49I've been trying to get a hold of you...
01:02:50Because I have a question about...
01:02:51There's a zombie outside?
01:02:52That whole thing?
01:02:53What?
01:02:54Are we supposed to do a podcast or something?
01:02:55I forgot about.
01:02:56Uh...
01:02:57No. No.
01:02:58I just, um...
01:02:59I just need to know why you did it.
01:03:03Why did you make the zombie?
01:03:06Why did I make a movie about a frustrated writer who feels he didn't reach his potential grappling with his own personal monster?
01:03:13Can't imagine what inspired that.
01:03:16That's not really what I meant.
01:03:19But it's the answer.
01:03:21Not that the nuance really helped her cause.
01:03:23Turns out critics get weird when you make a zombie movie with only one zombie.
01:03:29And why did I...
01:03:32You know...
01:03:33With the zombie.
01:03:34I thought we talked about all of this when we made the film.
01:03:37Uh...
01:03:38Can you tell me again?
01:03:40It's...
01:03:41It's for research.
01:03:43Okay.
01:03:44Uh...
01:03:45Sure.
01:03:46I guess the zombie sex was symbolic of how we all inevitably embrace destruction.
01:03:53Or maybe it's because someone told me that the only way we'd get into a gay festival was if there was a sex scene in the movie and I decided to be an asshole about it.
01:04:00I don't know.
01:04:01Probably the first one though.
01:04:03But what if it's the other way around?
01:04:06What if...
01:04:07What if destruction embraces us?
01:04:09Good question.
01:04:10I think it's still all a matter of choice.
01:04:14Nature really doesn't deal with monsters.
01:04:16Only people do.
01:04:17Huh.
01:04:18Was that all you wanted to know?
01:04:19I don't know.
01:04:20Can I see you?
01:04:21Oh, I'd love that.
01:04:22But I'm not in town.
01:04:23I'm in Utah making one of those TV Christmas movies for the next few months.
01:04:24Things we do for art, you know.
01:04:26Yeah.
01:04:27Can I ask you one more question?
01:04:28Shoot.
01:04:29How do you know how to end a horror story?
01:04:31That's broad.
01:04:32Uh, I guess it depends on where it began.
01:04:33I don't know.
01:04:34I don't know.
01:04:35I don't know.
01:04:36Can I see you?
01:04:37I'd love that.
01:04:38But I'm not in town.
01:04:39I'm in Utah making one of those TV Christmas movies for the next few months.
01:04:40Things we do for art, you know.
01:04:41Yeah.
01:04:42Can I ask you one more question?
01:04:45Shoot.
01:04:46How do you know how to end a horror story?
01:04:51That's broad.
01:04:52Uh, I guess it depends on where it began.
01:04:55Thanks.
01:05:00I mean, there's probably...
01:05:08Where it began.
01:08:55It's probably nothing.
01:09:11She sounded pretty out of it.
01:09:13But there's a chance this guy could be headed up here, so just keep your eyes open.
01:09:20Over and out.
01:09:21Roger that.
01:09:22Not like I have anything better to do.
01:09:23Hollywood weirdos.
01:09:24Hollywood weirdos.
01:09:30But there's a good, so just so nice to see you.
01:09:36I don't think I can't have a good thing.
01:09:38There's a good thing.
01:09:42I don't think of it.
01:09:43Yeah.
01:09:43I don't think but there's a good thing.
01:09:44I don't think of it.
01:09:45It's probably a good thing.
01:09:46But I think of it.
01:09:46I think of it.
01:09:46I don't think of it.
01:09:47I don't think of it.
01:10:48Of course it had to be here.
01:11:09Of course.
01:11:11The zombie.
01:11:19The zombie.
01:11:49I let the zombie inside.
01:12:07The zombie.
01:12:09The zombie.
01:12:13The zombie.
01:12:15The zombie.
01:12:19The zombie.
01:12:21The zombie.
01:12:23The poem.
01:12:33The zombie.
01:12:35The zombie.
01:12:37The zombie.
01:13:09Dispatch, found an abandoned car up here, but checked out the old Jones place, no signs of forced entry, and honestly, there's nobody here.
01:13:35Cut!
01:13:36Great, that was awesome.
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