- 6 months ago
What Other Couples Do (2013) - Full HD Movie Uncut
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So what do you want to do today?
00:00:11Um, I think I'm going to get some work done.
00:00:15Do you mind?
00:00:16No, I'll get some work done too.
00:00:30Are you seriously pretending to be asleep right now?
00:00:34What?
00:00:36Get up!
00:00:37It's your turn.
00:00:38I got up at three.
00:00:40I got up at five.
00:00:42I went to bed at one.
00:00:43We were wasting time online.
00:00:45I was writing!
00:00:58Hey, hon.
00:00:59Hey.
00:01:00What are you doing today?
00:01:01Working.
00:01:02I'm about to head over to Trey's.
00:01:03You have to be back by like 5.30.
00:01:05I will be.
00:01:06Okay.
00:01:08Don't you and Trey ever get sick of each other?
00:01:11Lisa, he's my brother.
00:01:13I know.
00:01:14I just miss spending Saturdays with you.
00:01:17I literally have three scripts due this week, so...
00:01:22What are you doing here?
00:01:23Working out.
00:01:24Are those three pounds?
00:01:25Yeah.
00:01:26Can I feel it?
00:01:28This isn't going to do anything.
00:01:29You might as well just be standing here with no weights, just moving your arms back and forth.
00:01:32I can't believe they sell these things.
00:01:34Stop it.
00:01:34You can't...
00:01:35No.
00:01:35It's for Tony.
00:01:36I don't like to sweat.
00:01:37I love you.
00:01:38I love you.
00:01:40Don't be late.
00:01:42I won't!
00:01:43We haven't had sex in a while.
00:01:51It's bullshit.
00:01:53Well, we could do something about it right now.
00:01:58Brie, I'm never going to say no.
00:02:05Why am I the only one who ever starts the dishwasher?
00:02:07You didn't start the dishwasher!
00:02:09What?
00:02:10Nothing.
00:02:11Nothing.
00:02:12Here, baby.
00:02:14Sit right there.
00:02:16Mm-hmm.
00:02:22What's that?
00:02:25What?
00:02:27Nice 30-minute shower.
00:02:28It was 16 minutes.
00:02:29I timed it.
00:02:30How is it that I can get myself and the kids ready in the same amount of time it takes you
00:02:33to get yourself ready?
00:02:34Well, remember how we read that men's brains aren't wired for multitasking?
00:02:37Well, how about finishing a single task?
00:02:40Like, you never start the dishwasher.
00:02:42I start the dishwasher all the time.
00:02:44You think if you do something once every three weeks, you do it regularly?
00:02:47Well, once every three weeks is regularly.
00:02:49Oh, my God.
00:02:50I want to kill you right now!
00:02:52I'm anxious about tonight.
00:02:53Why?
00:02:54It's going to be fun.
00:02:55It's going to be awkward as hell.
00:02:58You shouldn't have set it up.
00:03:01You just...
00:03:03You have to admit, you like to stir the pot.
00:03:05It was Ginger's suggestion.
00:03:08And Chris was fine with it.
00:03:10I'll bet.
00:03:10But is...
00:03:12Is he bringing that girl?
00:03:15The one that he cheated with?
00:03:16No.
00:03:16They're both coming separately.
00:03:19They agreed.
00:03:22Poor Ginger.
00:03:25I bet she's still a mess.
00:03:27I've been thinking about Ginger.
00:03:29Poor Ginger.
00:03:31I don't think it's a good idea for her to be spending so much time in Texas.
00:03:34Last time she came back, she was eating so much fried food, all she could fit into was
00:03:38her sweatpants.
00:03:40Oh, Jesus.
00:03:42I know.
00:03:44Marriage is like a business contract.
00:03:46Each party signs a contract because they're getting certain things out of the deal.
00:03:50And when Chris married Ginger, part of the deal was that she was slim and attractive.
00:03:53Okay, but you shouldn't have to worry about your spouse cheating on you just because you've
00:03:58gained some weight over the years.
00:04:00Some weight?
00:04:02Okay.
00:04:03Ginger's gotten huge.
00:04:05But it's hard for her because she's such a good cook.
00:04:07I mean, I don't know how Chris stayed so slim all those years.
00:04:09He's self-disciplined because he's vain.
00:04:15I always knew he was going to cheat.
00:04:16There's no way a guy who is that good looking is going to stay faithful.
00:04:20Well, you sound like you would have cheated with him if you'd had the chance.
00:04:25Whatever.
00:04:26He was crazy to cheat on her.
00:04:28She's cool and she cooks like a four-course dinner every night.
00:04:31I mean, who cares about sex when you can eat like a king?
00:04:34We're not leaving until we own this town.
00:04:36Not this side, not the valley, the other side.
00:04:41I've been thinking about Ginger.
00:04:42Ah, poor Ginger.
00:04:46Then I started thinking about our sisters and your mother and my mother and all the women we know.
00:04:53And it's like we've seen them all act a little crazy.
00:04:57So I'm developing this theory that all women occasionally act nuts.
00:05:01It's just a question of how nuts.
00:05:03Like, where are they on the continuum?
00:05:05Yeah, well, that's what I like about women.
00:05:07I think it's cool how they can be unpredictable.
00:05:09It's holding us back.
00:05:11You know, it makes men uncomfortable because they're only used to experiencing one emotion.
00:05:16Or maybe several, but, you know, it all funnels down to the same one.
00:05:20Anger.
00:05:21And then they snap and kill their whole family.
00:05:22So all men are angry.
00:05:25Well, what blanket statement can we make about men?
00:05:29It's what Thoreau said.
00:05:30Most are leading lives of quiet desperation.
00:05:33You know, they go to work and they help with the kids and they take out the trash.
00:05:37And then they go to work and they help with the kids and they take out the trash.
00:05:40The whole time, they're daydreaming about being big and important and powerful and screwing Scarlett Johansson or whoever.
00:05:48I'll buy that.
00:05:50You want to have sex with Scarlett Johansson?
00:05:52No, I meant I'll buy your theory overall.
00:05:55You don't want to have sex with her.
00:05:57I don't find her attractive.
00:06:01Right.
00:06:02Believe it or not, when I fantasize about having sex, it's with you.
00:06:06Always.
00:06:09You never imagine yourself having sex with anyone but me.
00:06:12And you never imagine yourself having sex with anybody but me?
00:06:16I wish neither one of us were ever attracted to anyone else.
00:06:19It is like that, mostly.
00:06:22Seriously.
00:06:24It's like everything is built on a foundation of little white lies.
00:06:27We're living in a house of cards.
00:06:39Who needs four cars?
00:06:41I know.
00:06:42I guess I haven't heard about the fossil fuel situation.
00:06:45Michelle, we drive an SUV and a station wagon.
00:06:48Yeah, but our next cars are going to be hybrids.
00:06:50Oh, well we can start judging people once we get them.
00:06:53Okay.
00:06:55We'll find out if he's hiring.
00:06:57You haven't staffed in three seasons.
00:06:59He's a hack.
00:07:00His brother's a clown.
00:07:01Hack and a clown.
00:07:06You know one of their episodes is up for an Emmy?
00:07:09Really?
00:07:09Yeah.
00:07:10I can guarantee you they didn't write it, though.
00:07:13In TV, everybody on staff contributes to every episode.
00:07:17Oh.
00:07:17This hack is 30 years old and owns a house that costs...
00:07:212.5.
00:07:23Oh my god.
00:07:26Hi!
00:07:27Hey!
00:07:27Hey!
00:07:36They never hear us because this house is so big.
00:07:38Why don't you think it's worth seeing you and what you need?
00:07:42Lisa?
00:07:43Josh?
00:07:52Art?
00:07:52Guess I've fucked her now.
00:07:55The fucker is just over here renting money.
00:07:57I'm gonna get some money.
00:08:04Hello?
00:08:07Hello?
00:08:13Hi! How are you?
00:08:15How are you? Really good. How are you guys?
00:08:17Good to see you.
00:08:19Glad you guys can make it, finally.
00:08:21We can stay out late. My mom's babysitting for us.
00:08:25I am gonna drink my ass off.
00:08:27No, it's your turn to get up with Emma and Chloe tomorrow.
00:08:29Wow. I bet you guys can't wait to have kids, right?
00:08:33No, you have to do it. Seriously, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:08:37Actually, we're trying to get pregnant, so...
00:08:39Yeah, I could be good without kids, but whatever.
00:08:42What are you talking about? You totally thought that baby was so cute at the barbecue.
00:08:45All babies are cute. That's their thing.
00:08:47But is that any reason to make an irreversible decision?
00:08:50Well, if you didn't want to have kids, we shouldn't have gotten married.
00:08:54Nice.
00:08:55What? I'm just saying.
00:08:57Gotta tackle the big issues tonight.
00:08:59Yeah.
00:09:00Hey, thank you.
00:09:01So where's Ginger and Chris?
00:09:03I told them not to come until 7.30 so that we could have some time to discuss the situation.
00:09:08The puppet master.
00:09:09Stop calling me that.
00:09:11Wow. That picture is amazing.
00:09:14We got another TV.
00:09:16Check it out.
00:09:17Never mind.
00:09:18Sloppy already.
00:09:19I know.
00:09:20So, Chris and Ginger are coming together?
00:09:21No.
00:09:22Separately.
00:09:23What was she doing in Texas?
00:09:24I have no idea because she's not on Facebook.
00:09:25People who aren't on Facebook think they're so cool.
00:09:26I know.
00:09:27No offense, Bree.
00:09:28But really, it's just a huge pain in the ass for anybody who loves them because how are
00:09:30we supposed to keep in touch?
00:09:31Yeah.
00:09:32And she never checks her email, okay?
00:09:33She has this whole thing about how email exists as a convenience to us and we're not supposed
00:09:38to let it run our lives.
00:09:39And then she says, um, we have to consciously decide how much time we're gonna give it.
00:09:44So, what was she doing in Texas?
00:09:45I have no idea because she's not on Facebook.
00:09:46People who aren't on Facebook think they're so cool.
00:09:47I know.
00:09:48No offense, Bree.
00:09:49I don't have time to consciously decide how much time we're gonna give it.
00:10:01See?
00:10:02This is why I love her.
00:10:03Who else says stuff like that?
00:10:04I don't have time to consciously decide to do anything.
00:10:07What am I gonna do?
00:10:08Call her?
00:10:09I don't have time to call everybody I want to keep in touch with.
00:10:12I have children.
00:10:13Well, she has all of her.
00:10:15Yeah, but he's 10.
00:10:16And there's a huge difference between one and two.
00:10:19You have your first, you think it's so hard, but when you have two, it's a whole other story.
00:10:26You're complaining.
00:10:27I'm not complaining.
00:10:29I'm just-
00:10:30You are complaining.
00:10:36Do you have Pepsid or something for stomachs?
00:10:38What's the matter?
00:10:39I don't know.
00:10:40I have social anxiety.
00:10:42Why?
00:10:43It's just us.
00:10:44I'm George and Martha.
00:10:47Who's George and Martha?
00:10:49Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton.
00:10:52Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
00:10:54Oh.
00:10:55Is that a good movie?
00:10:57It's what good?
00:10:58Uh, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
00:11:01I love that movie.
00:11:02I've never seen it.
00:11:04What's that noise?
00:11:06Oh!
00:11:07Someone must be at the front door.
00:11:08Shoot!
00:11:09It's 7.30 already?
00:11:10I love it.
00:11:11Josh has never seen it.
00:11:12Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
00:11:13Hello!
00:11:14Oh my gosh!
00:11:15You look amazing!
00:11:16Oh!
00:11:17Oh god.
00:11:18Thank you!
00:11:19I still have a couple more pounds to go, but I'm getting there.
00:11:35No!
00:11:36You look awesome!
00:11:38Oh, um, Lisa, this is Brad.
00:11:40Hi!
00:11:41Hi.
00:11:42You're cute!
00:11:43He's an actor.
00:11:45Neat!
00:11:46Uh, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
00:11:50Sure, yeah.
00:11:53So...
00:11:54Uh, do you mind if I go too?
00:11:57We, we came from Malibu and you practically have to stop for snacks, you know?
00:12:01Absolutely.
00:12:02Sure, just use the powder room over there.
00:12:04That's okay, uh, I'll, I'll just use this one.
00:12:09Okay.
00:12:10Hey.
00:12:11Uh...
00:12:12Hey.
00:12:13Can we have sex?
00:12:14Yeah!
00:12:15Well, let me go down on you.
00:12:16Oh my god.
00:12:17So the last time we talked, you and Trey were trying to write a movie together.
00:12:22It's not easy, is it?
00:12:23I always tell you TV guys, features aren't just longer, they're a whole different animal.
00:12:28It's hard to sustain a story over a hundred pages.
00:12:30It's done, man.
00:12:31We sold it last week.
00:12:32Really?
00:12:33Who, uh...
00:12:34Who did you guys sell it to?
00:12:35Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.
00:12:36That's, that's great.
00:12:37That's fantastic.
00:12:38Yeah, those guys are really funny.
00:12:39Yeah, they're doing all right.
00:12:40Haha.
00:12:41You're a smartass.
00:12:42How much?
00:12:43If you don't mind me asking.
00:12:44No, it's fine.
00:12:45It was in the trades.
00:12:46Eight hundred.
00:12:47Eight hundred thousand?
00:12:48No, eight hundred dollars.
00:12:49Eight hundred thousand?
00:12:50No.
00:12:51Eight hundred dollars.
00:12:52Yeah.
00:12:53How much?
00:12:54How much?
00:12:55If you don't mind me asking.
00:12:56No, it's fine.
00:12:57It was in the trades.
00:12:58Eight hundred.
00:12:59Eight hundred thousand?
00:13:00No, eight hundred dollars.
00:13:01Oh, man.
00:13:02What's wrong?
00:13:03You look freaked out.
00:13:04Ginger lost weight.
00:13:05What?
00:13:06Really?
00:13:07Yeah.
00:13:08And she brought a guy.
00:13:09And she went to the bathroom.
00:13:10And this kid, he's like twenty.
00:13:11He asked if he could go too.
00:13:12And they're in the bathroom together right now.
00:13:13They're having sex?
00:13:14I don't know.
00:13:15In the powder room?
00:13:16Yeah.
00:13:17They better not get anything on the wallpaper.
00:13:19It's vintage.
00:13:20See, rich people have problems too.
00:13:21They have to worry about guests ejaculating on their wallpaper.
00:13:25If I had said that you would've told me I was disgusting.
00:13:40It was funny.
00:13:42Ryan is funny.
00:13:44I'm a comedy writer.
00:13:46You're funny, Dave.
00:13:47Dave it's Ryan is used to you know getting up in front of 100 people and
00:13:51making them laugh their asses off. I can't believe you. Oh my god.
00:14:02I just was so busy working. Yeah I was catering a movie. In Austin? Yeah that's how I met Brad.
00:14:12He was a part of the cast. How's Oliver? He's great. He's with his cousins. I go back on
00:14:18Monday. What's that noise? Oh someone must be at the front door. That must be Chris.
00:14:26Has he seen you yet? No. He's gonna shit a brick.
00:14:34Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. Thank you. God. We haven't seen you in forever. I know.
00:14:50Ginger came right? Yeah she's here.
00:14:54You look beautiful. Thank you. Chris nice to meet you. You too. Brad. Oh. How do you know Josh and Lisa?
00:15:11I just met them. I'm here at Ginger. Oh. I thought we weren't bringing anyone. Oh yeah I'm sorry.
00:15:21You are wearing that outfit that I love. Oh yeah. Who needs a drink? I do. I do. I do. I do.
00:15:34I do. I love it too. Silverware has a really nice weight to it. I knew you'd notice. You always appreciate nice things.
00:15:45Yeah I noticed it too. I was thinking about stealing some. Seriously. One spoon costs $200.
00:15:51Wow. I want to hear some of your new material. Do you have any after dinner?
00:15:54No. Come on. For us. Come on. Come on.
00:15:58I got some. You know truthfully I've been traveling so much that I really haven't had time to write.
00:16:04Gotta make time. No excuses.
00:16:07Right. No I wrote today though so. So and I. Well you screwed around on the internet. I was working.
00:16:16Oh listen there's a service you can subscribe to that blocks your access to the internet for up to eight hours a day.
00:16:22Is that where we're at right now? We can't be self disciplined? We have to pay someone to enforce discipline?
00:16:28I know. It's lame. But you know it only costs $7.95 a month. It's totally worth it.
00:16:34Wow. You and Trey do that?
00:16:37Uh no we don't have to. We're very self motivated.
00:16:40That's fantastic man.
00:16:44So Rye where are you performing these days?
00:16:47Uh all over. Atlanta, Dallas, Pittsburgh.
00:16:52Have you been going with them Brie?
00:16:53No. I take five shows a week so.
00:16:55Oh. Oh right. That's right. Oh.
00:16:59Have you watched her show? Oh it's fantastic.
00:17:02I keep forgetting. I'm sorry.
00:17:04I've never had time for that. Send me the link again though.
00:17:07I can't believe this. My own friends.
00:17:10You know I have strangers writing me telling me that they love it.
00:17:13You know this one guy told me it restored his faith in humanity.
00:17:16But it's opera right? That's a tough sell.
00:17:20I don't have time to watch webisodes.
00:17:22They're only two minutes long.
00:17:24You know one day Ryan and I are going to leave LA and then you'll all be sorry.
00:17:29Because you'll just be talking about how you saw Jim Carrey at the dog park.
00:17:33Who saw Jim Carrey at the dog park? Did you see him? For real?
00:17:37I just made that up.
00:17:38Oh.
00:17:39I'm just saying your whole lives will be one big Howard Stern conversation.
00:17:42I love Howard Stern.
00:17:44Love him.
00:17:45Mmm.
00:17:47This chicken is very good.
00:17:49Oh yeah.
00:17:50Lisa's a good little orderer.
00:17:52Did I tell you guys that I'm going to London with Josh and Trey?
00:18:03Mmm.
00:18:04I thought you weren't going.
00:18:05We did a spreadsheet on how much she'd spend in London and how much she'd spend here.
00:18:10And we think she'd spend more here because there'd be no controls.
00:18:15Yeah, because women are stupid spendthrifts.
00:18:17It's just that you want more.
00:18:19Mmm.
00:18:20They don't want more.
00:18:21They want everything.
00:18:22They want to go to all the new restaurants.
00:18:23They want to get all the best clothes.
00:18:25They want to go on the best vacations.
00:18:27They want to get all the best personal trainers.
00:18:30You don't like new restaurants.
00:18:32Well, yeah, that's...
00:18:33You don't want to take great vacations?
00:18:35Well, yes, of course, but that's not...
00:18:37We help you lead fuller lives.
00:18:39Yes.
00:18:40Yeah.
00:18:43Hey, so what's your script about?
00:18:46Oh, which one?
00:18:47I was talking about the spec script that you sold, but how many do you have?
00:18:51Well, when that one went out, everyone went nuts and wanted meetings with us.
00:18:57So, of course, we had this backlog of ideas that we wanted to pitch.
00:19:01So, we're working on an animated film at Pixar.
00:19:06Spielberg wants to do a comedy, so we're writing something for him.
00:19:10And we're working on a project we would direct ourselves.
00:19:14Paramount would finance.
00:19:15Nothing huge, but they want to be in business with us.
00:19:18And one of our TV episodes was nominated for an Emmy.
00:19:22Oh, that's great.
00:19:23You guys are great news.
00:19:24You guys are great news.
00:19:25You guys are great news.
00:19:26You guys are great news.
00:19:27You guys are great news.
00:19:28You know what?
00:19:29I'm going to go open one of the bottles we brought.
00:19:30Anybody need anything else?
00:19:31I'm going to get ours, too.
00:19:33I want to read that smacky soul.
00:19:36We should ask him.
00:19:37No, because I don't think that we have a chip on her shoulder that we just want to see if it's good.
00:19:42I'm telling you.
00:19:43How could it be?
00:19:44Have you seen his show?
00:19:45It's so hacky.
00:19:47$800,000.
00:19:49It's because he's self-confident.
00:19:52Confidence is everything in this town.
00:19:54I'm self-confident.
00:19:55Huh?
00:19:56I got a two-bedroom tear-down in the valley.
00:19:59Yeah, but Studio City is cool.
00:20:01It's not really a valley.
00:20:03Don't patronize me.
00:20:04Alright?
00:20:05When we trade up, we'll move to the west side.
00:20:09Alright?
00:20:10We like the valley.
00:20:11We're very middle class.
00:20:12When I bought Brie the Volvo, she acted like she'd won the lottery.
00:20:17It must be nice to have a wife you can please.
00:20:20She's the best.
00:20:22I have to do something about this.
00:20:26It's humbling.
00:20:27It's like just being automated.
00:20:28They have sticky things, I think.
00:20:30Yeah, they do.
00:20:31Oh, please.
00:20:32Brie.
00:20:33Brie.
00:20:34That's an unusual name.
00:20:36Yeah, my mom had just seen Clute.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39Your mom must be very interesting to name you after a hooker.
00:20:43I mean, um, a prostitute.
00:20:48Is Clute good?
00:20:50I haven't seen that.
00:20:51I've never seen Clute.
00:20:53So why'd you two meet?
00:20:56I was working on a film that's shot in Austin.
00:21:04Crew?
00:21:05No, no, I'm an actor.
00:21:07Hmm.
00:21:08Big role?
00:21:09Small?
00:21:10As actors, we were taught to believe that there are no small roles.
00:21:14Right.
00:21:15So small.
00:21:16What movie?
00:21:17Spaceman.
00:21:18Hmm.
00:21:19I read the script.
00:21:21Well, I read the, uh, I read the first ten pages.
00:21:25It was actually so bad I couldn't finish it.
00:21:30How old are you?
00:21:33Twenty-six.
00:21:34That's young.
00:21:36Yeah.
00:21:37He knows nothing about the heartache of soft erections.
00:21:44Wow.
00:21:45Oh.
00:21:46Plus, everyone our age is married, so...
00:21:50Yeah, but not all these marriages are gonna last.
00:21:53I mean, the divorce rate is 50%.
00:21:56My wife.
00:22:06Twelve years we've been together.
00:22:08Oh.
00:22:09Yeah.
00:22:10And, and, and what's great about it is, and it kind of gets me choked up a little bit,
00:22:13we're very supportive of each other.
00:22:14We look out for each other, try to make each other happy.
00:22:17Like lately, uh, she's been giving me a lot of blowjobs, which is awesome.
00:22:22And it's occurred to her that maybe, uh, blowjobs are fattening because she's been gaining a
00:22:28little weight.
00:22:29Ooh.
00:22:30Uh, the other day we're laying in bed and she says to me, uh, look, I'm thinking that
00:22:37maybe sperm has a lot of calories.
00:22:40So I immediately go into problem-solving mode.
00:22:43I'm like, why don't you start skipping lunch?
00:22:46That was me.
00:22:47That was hilarious.
00:22:49What are you talking about?
00:22:50Funny, Ryan.
00:22:51I'm just gonna play you guys the first few notes, okay?
00:22:55Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:22:59Ahem.
00:23:00Ahem.
00:23:04CHOIR SINGS
00:23:34Did you guys get chills?
00:23:38I did.
00:23:40Are you serious?
00:23:42How are you guys not affected by that song?
00:23:44No, it was really beautiful.
00:23:45It was gorgeous.
00:23:46Hey, you guys want to play poker?
00:23:48Yes.
00:23:49Yes.
00:23:50No, it's too late to start a game.
00:23:52It's 10 o'clock.
00:23:52We have to stop drinking.
00:23:54No, no one stopped drinking.
00:23:55You guys have to spend the night.
00:23:57Everyone should stay here tonight.
00:23:59Really?
00:24:00Oh.
00:24:00Yeah.
00:24:01What's the point of having this big house, right?
00:24:04All right.
00:24:05I'll do that.
00:24:05Call your mom.
00:24:06It's been so long since I've gotten shit-faced.
00:24:09We can play poker all night and then watch the sunrise.
00:24:13I feel alive.
00:24:15I'm alive, honey.
00:24:17I'm alive.
00:24:18I'm feeling alive.
00:24:19I'm alive.
00:24:20Don't feel sorry for me.
00:24:25We don't feel sorry for you.
00:24:27We feel bad for you.
00:24:29That's funny.
00:24:32Because I feel bad for you.
00:24:34Why?
00:24:36Well, neither of you seem very happy right now.
00:24:41Me and Michelle?
00:24:42Why are you singling us out?
00:24:46Ryan and Brie are happy.
00:24:49Well, yeah.
00:24:51Yeah, we're happy, but...
00:24:53What makes you think Dave and I aren't happy?
00:24:56Seriously?
00:24:57Brie said earlier that you guys were like the couple and who's afraid of Virginia Woolf.
00:25:02I mean, earlier I was...
00:25:03My stomach hurt, so I was conversating...
00:25:05Great, so everybody thinks we're a mess.
00:25:07Oh, we don't think you're a mess.
00:25:08Look, I get it.
00:25:09You've got young kids.
00:25:10It's hard.
00:25:12Josh and I are trying to get pregnant.
00:25:15Of course you are.
00:25:18What does that mean?
00:25:20I just feel like we're all making the same mistakes our parents made.
00:25:24You're on shaky ground, so you want to throw kids into the mix.
00:25:28You think I'm on shaky ground?
00:25:33You know how Josh acts like he's being funny because he's smiling,
00:25:37or making some sort of joke, but really he's just criticizing you?
00:25:44Yeah.
00:25:47It seems like he doesn't respect you.
00:25:52Well, he has really high expectations of everyone, himself included.
00:25:59So he's critical, but I think that he respects me.
00:26:04I know he respects me.
00:26:05That asshole.
00:26:13He doesn't respect me.
00:26:16Well, maybe he does.
00:26:17I don't know.
00:26:17No!
00:26:18No, he doesn't.
00:26:19I know he doesn't.
00:26:21Well, look, why don't you talk to him about it?
00:26:22If you call him on it, he's going to have to change.
00:26:25That's optimistic.
00:26:25I know you're into positive thinking and the power of intention and all that shit,
00:26:30but sometimes it's just not realistic.
00:26:32What are you doing?
00:26:52I'm going to do a spreadsheet to see if I can afford to leave him.
00:26:55No!
00:26:56Wait, that was just my opinion.
00:26:58Hey, I could be totally wrong.
00:27:00Everybody knows I'm a little screwed up right now.
00:27:02When we're done with her, let's do me.
00:27:04I think I can get some money from my parents.
00:27:05You don't want to get a divorce.
00:27:08Yeah, you do not want to get a divorce.
00:27:10Dave and I are really having problems right now.
00:27:13Listen, I get it, okay?
00:27:15You love your kids.
00:27:16They're the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:27:18But they're at an age where they require constant attention.
00:27:23And it doesn't matter how much you love them,
00:27:24there's a part of you that is angry.
00:27:27Because you don't have a life anymore.
00:27:30I know.
00:27:31And so you start taking it out on the person closest to you, your spouse.
00:27:35You know, I read this book about how, in some cultures,
00:27:38couples don't even pretend they can stay together for the first five years of the child's life.
00:27:42So the man, he leaves the home and he goes and he sleeps somewhere else.
00:27:46And he just comes home to, you know, make repairs to the thatched hut and give the wife money.
00:27:50And the woman, she gives all her attention to the child
00:27:53and her mother and sisters and aunts help her raise it.
00:27:57Hmm, that's pretty smart.
00:27:59Most American women, though, would not be okay with their husband sleeping with another woman
00:28:03while we have to deal with the kids.
00:28:05Dave can be really annoying.
00:28:08He does all these little things.
00:28:10Everybody does all these little things.
00:28:13Look, I know he's a good person and I love him and I wish him well.
00:28:18But what would be perfect is if we were really rich
00:28:21and could have two houses so we'd live near each other but not together.
00:28:27Which would lead to divorce, because why would you be married to someone if you can live without them?
00:28:31Oh yeah, we'd get divorced.
00:28:33But we'd stay friends and I'd hire two nannies so I could have round-the-clock help.
00:28:37Which would lead to you never seeing your kids.
00:28:39So you'd feel guilty and you'd indulge them
00:28:42and then they would just be more and more demanding
00:28:44and you'd all be miserable.
00:28:45I feel really overwhelmed.
00:28:50So is this about the Emmy thing you were talking about?
00:28:53Yeah, no, I mean this guy is out of control.
00:28:55He helped you with that?
00:28:56Yeah.
00:28:56Yeah, he helped me.
00:28:58He makes all this money.
00:28:59Oh, when he signed the deal with ABC, they backed the truck up.
00:29:02Oh yeah, he is loaded.
00:29:03And now everyone's kissing his ass.
00:29:06Actresses who audition for his show.
00:29:08And there he is, stuck with his college sweetheart
00:29:11whom he thought was the best he was ever going to do.
00:29:14She's cute.
00:29:15Yeah, but she's not beautiful.
00:29:17I mean, he could have his pick now.
00:29:20Yeah, but do you really want to be with someone
00:29:21who's only with you because you have money?
00:29:24Young guy's perspective.
00:29:26Probably when we're that old,
00:29:27we'll settle for getting a beautiful woman any way we can.
00:29:30What are you talking about?
00:29:31What are you planning on being single?
00:29:32Hey, it's touch and go at my house.
00:29:34It's great being young, huh?
00:29:35The women are more fun, easier to please, I guess.
00:29:39That's what makes them not fun.
00:29:40Women your age, they're harder to satisfy, I guess.
00:29:44I like the challenge.
00:29:47Yeah.
00:29:48You just have to get through the next couple years.
00:29:51The kids will get easier.
00:29:53And in the meantime, you have to remember
00:29:54why you married Dave to begin with.
00:29:58And yes, you have to make yourself have sex with him.
00:30:02No, I have no desire, none.
00:30:06We don't have sex either.
00:30:09I just don't care about it.
00:30:11At all.
00:30:14Okay, well, it will be your problem eventually.
00:30:17I mean, you can't tell a guy,
00:30:19Hey, we're married and you can never have sex with anyone else again.
00:30:23Oh, and by the way, you can never have sex with me again.
00:30:27I mean, eventually he's gonna decide that that's a bunch of bullshit
00:30:31and he's gonna find somebody else to have sex with.
00:30:34The oppressed will rise up.
00:30:36So what happened with you and Chris?
00:30:38Do you think he was justified in having the affair?
00:30:41No.
00:30:41At least I would never tell him that.
00:30:46But yeah, we didn't have sex.
00:30:49I just...
00:30:50I just didn't feel like it.
00:30:52But he's so good looking.
00:30:57I'm just saying, I mean,
00:30:59if she didn't feel like having sex with Chris,
00:31:01how am I supposed to feel like having sex with Dave?
00:31:04That's so mean.
00:31:06What?
00:31:07It's just sometimes I look at him
00:31:09and he already seems middle-aged.
00:31:13Well, we almost are.
00:31:16It's not that far off.
00:31:17Actually, I read this book by Desmond Morris
00:31:20that says men's waists expand as they get older
00:31:24and their shoulders get more narrow and rounded.
00:31:28And this is all part of nature's grand plan
00:31:30so that they will be less attractive to other women
00:31:33so that they will stay with their wives
00:31:35and help raise the children.
00:31:37How do you find time to read all this shit?
00:31:40Dave is awesome.
00:31:42I find him very attractive.
00:31:43I love Dave.
00:31:44He's great.
00:31:46He would freak if he heard this.
00:31:48You should tell him.
00:31:49Yeah, why don't you?
00:31:50I should give him a boost.
00:31:51No.
00:31:53Why?
00:31:55Because
00:31:56I don't want to give him power.
00:31:59Michelle!
00:32:00Michelle!
00:32:01What?
00:32:02Okay, that's bitchy.
00:32:04I guess I'm in a bad place right now.
00:32:07Yeah.
00:32:09Obviously I am too.
00:32:10Why else would I be hanging out with
00:32:12a 26-year-old actor in Malibu?
00:32:16I love Malibu.
00:32:17Tell us about the sex.
00:32:19With the actor.
00:32:20No, you do not get to ask questions about sex.
00:32:23Why not?
00:32:24Because you're not willing to reveal anything about yourself?
00:32:27I will tell you anything you want to know about my sex life.
00:32:30Yeah.
00:32:31You and Ryan have good sex.
00:32:32We know.
00:32:33I'm saying you won't talk about other guys.
00:32:36Ever.
00:32:37Like, you won't even admit it if somebody else is hot.
00:32:40It's as if that's cheating on Ryan.
00:32:42I know it's not cheating.
00:32:43Of course it's not.
00:32:44But it's a little bit of a betrayal.
00:32:47How is it a betrayal?
00:32:50Obviously, George Clooney was hot in The American.
00:32:53Okay.
00:32:54And it probably wouldn't be unpleasant to have sex with him.
00:32:58Everybody knows that, including Ryan.
00:33:00So I just don't think it's a big deal to acknowledge what everybody else knows to be true.
00:33:04Was that good, The American?
00:33:06We didn't see that one.
00:33:07How does Josh write movies when he's never seen one?
00:33:10We see movies all the time.
00:33:12But you just studiously avoid the good ones?
00:33:15Because we don't see the kind of movies you see.
00:33:18You're a snob, Brie.
00:33:20Am I?
00:33:21Or are you people just disappointing?
00:33:23Jon Stewart.
00:33:24He's great.
00:33:25Yeah, I know he's great, but do you ever think it would be fun to have sex with him?
00:33:28Michelle.
00:33:29Jason Bateman.
00:33:30No, stop.
00:33:31I'm going to break her.
00:33:32Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity when he's washing Frank Caputante's hair.
00:33:41She's cute.
00:33:44He can kill anyone with his bare hands, but he's a good person.
00:33:48He barely ever speaks, which is so hot.
00:33:53And when he does, he says the perfect thing.
00:33:55Oh, he's got very good dialogue.
00:33:57Tony Gilroy wrote it.
00:33:59No, don't do that.
00:34:00This is not a discussion of the script.
00:34:02Okay.
00:34:03I'm saying Matt Damon in all The Bourne movies is hot as hell,
00:34:07and you know you've thought about having sex with him,
00:34:09and I demand that you admit it.
00:34:12Come on, just admit it.
00:34:14I will happily admit that I want to have sex with other guys.
00:34:17Every person in a relationship wants to have sex with other people.
00:34:20So what?
00:34:21Who cares?
00:34:22It's human nature.
00:34:23I think we can assume she finds other guys attractive.
00:34:29I'll reveal something personal.
00:34:32When Ryan and I have sex, I can't look into his eyes.
00:34:36At least not for more than a couple seconds.
00:34:39It's like it's too intimate or something.
00:34:41Let's get donuts.
00:34:49Just put off getting married for as long as you can.
00:34:52That's all we're saying.
00:34:53Well, no.
00:34:53You get married whenever you want.
00:34:54Just, you know, choose wisely.
00:34:56Oh, no shit.
00:34:57Choose as if your life depended on it.
00:34:59You're not thinking about that yet, right?
00:35:02Marriage?
00:35:02No.
00:35:03No, I...
00:35:04You know, I'm...
00:35:06I'm 26.
00:35:08This fucking guy, huh?
00:35:10I know, right?
00:35:10Oh, I would kill to be 26 again.
00:35:13I wouldn't screw it out this time.
00:35:14I'd show everybody how it's done.
00:35:17What is that dance?
00:35:18It's the how you do it dance.
00:35:21Did you get your medicine today or no?
00:35:23Did you get your medicine today or no?
00:35:28Look at all these cool people.
00:35:33I never meet anyone.
00:35:34I'm always cooped up in that stupid house of running errands.
00:35:39Your house is awesome.
00:35:41You should be grateful.
00:35:43I know.
00:35:44You're right.
00:35:45We're all really blessed.
00:35:47I know.
00:35:48We are really, really fortunate.
00:35:54You see that guy?
00:35:56Yeah.
00:35:57I fuck him.
00:35:59Really?
00:36:00Yep.
00:36:02You know who I think is hot?
00:36:04Brad.
00:36:06I know.
00:36:08Ginger is so lucky.
00:36:09I mean, she's not lucky.
00:36:10She's getting a divorce, but...
00:36:13Chris is so good looking, and now she gets to have sex with Brad.
00:36:19Do you ever wish you could just put your marriage on hold for a little while?
00:36:22Be single again?
00:36:23Be single again, you know, just for a little bit, and then go back to being married.
00:36:28Probably nobody would go back.
00:36:30I just miss feeling excited about anything, you know?
00:36:36Like when you meet somebody new.
00:36:39It's so exciting, those feelings.
00:36:41It's like when you were in high school, and you would be going to a party, and you didn't
00:36:47know if a guy that you liked was going to be there, but you just didn't know what was
00:36:52going to happen.
00:36:53Would you get to talk to him?
00:36:54Would you get to make out?
00:36:55We used to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
00:36:57We never did that.
00:36:59I'm so bummed.
00:37:01It was awesome.
00:37:10Hey, you guys.
00:37:13Yeah?
00:37:13I have an idea, but, uh, Brie, you're not going to approve.
00:37:17Yeah?
00:37:18When we get back to the house, let's tell the guys we want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
00:37:23Wait, you mean the game where you go in the...
00:37:26Yes!
00:37:27Yeah.
00:37:28Okay.
00:37:31Seriously?
00:37:36We have an idea.
00:37:37It's kind of unorthodox.
00:37:39Unorthodox?
00:37:40Where'd you get that?
00:37:41What do you mean?
00:37:42I've never heard you use that word before.
00:37:44I read books, Josh, more than you do, and you're a writer.
00:37:48We want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
00:37:51What's that?
00:37:52Isn't that the thing where you...
00:37:53It's a game where two people go in a closet and make out for seven minutes.
00:37:55Okay, but I can make out with you anytime I want to, and I don't have to go in a closet,
00:38:01and I don't have to do it for the full seven minutes.
00:38:05I'm not talking about spouses with spouses.
00:38:08We're talking about random pairings.
00:38:10What the hell are you talking about?
00:38:15Seven Minutes in Heaven!
00:38:18You want to play this game?
00:38:21Seven Minutes in the Closet?
00:38:23Seven Minutes in Heaven.
00:38:24Whatever.
00:38:25No.
00:38:26Do you?
00:38:27No, hell no.
00:38:28These people are nuts.
00:38:29I know, I know.
00:38:31Apparently we're boring.
00:38:32You want to play.
00:38:35No.
00:38:36Do you?
00:38:37No.
00:38:39Michelle thinks we're fearful and naive.
00:38:42We're not adventurous.
00:38:44Being adventurous is like riding a motorcycle across South America.
00:38:47That's adventurous.
00:38:49Letting another guy make out with your wife, that's stupid.
00:38:52Wikipedia.
00:38:57Seven Minutes in Heaven is a kissing game first played by teenagers in Cincinnati in the early 1950s.
00:39:04See, Midwesterners know how to party because our winters are so long.
00:39:09Two people selected go into a closet or another dark enclosed space and do whatever they like for seven minutes.
00:39:17This is what you want to do?
00:39:19Yeah.
00:39:21So you guys in?
00:39:23No.
00:39:23Okay.
00:39:25No.
00:39:26Okay.
00:39:28Uh.
00:39:31If we did this, you'd regret it and you'd be jealous and I'd hear about it till the day I die.
00:39:37Don't flatter yourself.
00:39:41Okay.
00:39:42Okay.
00:39:43I'm in.
00:39:44What about you two?
00:39:45Are you in?
00:39:46No.
00:39:46No.
00:39:47Come on.
00:39:49Either we all do it or none of us plays.
00:39:50We're not going to play.
00:39:52We're not going to play.
00:39:52We're not going to play.
00:39:55So should we still play?
00:39:56Yeah.
00:39:58Yeah.
00:39:58Yeah.
00:39:58Can I talk to you for a second?
00:40:02Okay.
00:40:03You're in trouble.
00:40:04Look at that view.
00:40:18I want a pool.
00:40:19I want a pool.
00:40:23Are you crazy?
00:40:25I just want to do something different.
00:40:28Unpredictable.
00:40:29Every day I wake up and I do the exact same thing.
00:40:31I try to get some writing done but mostly I just change diapers and clean up after the
00:40:36kids and straighten up the house and feed the kids and read them a bedtime story and then
00:40:41spend hours trying to put Chloe to sleep and then I wake up the next day and do the exact
00:40:44same thing except maybe I go to Target.
00:40:46If I seriously stopped to think about what my life has become, I would freak out.
00:40:52You wanted kids.
00:40:54Dave, I love Emma and Chloe.
00:40:56They're the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:40:58Stop saying that.
00:40:59Obviously you don't really feel that way.
00:41:01If you think for a second that I don't adore them and you're crazy, why else would I do
00:41:07everything for them?
00:41:08Then why can't you do everything for them happily?
00:41:10You have to complain about it every step of the way.
00:41:13Why can't you be one of those women that's just, you know, happy?
00:41:16Because it's hard.
00:41:17No, it isn't.
00:41:18You just decide you're going to be happy and then you do it.
00:41:21You know?
00:41:22Sometimes a person just has to have self-control.
00:41:24It's not like you're Mr. Sunshine walking around all cheerful.
00:41:27Because my wife is always dissatisfied.
00:41:29It's human nature to want more.
00:41:35I'm not sexist.
00:41:36You know I'm not.
00:41:37But I think this is a gender thing.
00:41:39Women always want more.
00:41:43Well, I can think of one thing men always want more of.
00:41:46Sex.
00:41:47And now here's your chance.
00:41:49What, we're going to have sex with these people?
00:41:50It's a kissing game.
00:41:52Why can't we play Cranium?
00:41:54Dave, this is your chance to make out with someone.
00:41:57It's your chance to make out with someone.
00:41:59What do you care?
00:42:00I walk around with food in my teeth and you don't even tell me because you don't notice because you don't even look at me.
00:42:06You remember when I got my hair cut and you didn't notice but you noticed when you got the credit card bill?
00:42:10Because it was $200.
00:42:12I know!
00:42:13I think we have problems.
00:42:19Everybody has problems.
00:42:20Ryan and Bri are happy.
00:42:22They don't have kids.
00:42:24You wanted kids!
00:42:25I'm just saying their life is one continuous round of pleasure.
00:42:28Restaurants, movies, reading every issue of The New Yorker from cover to cover.
00:42:33It's actually a pretty selfish existence.
00:42:38We had problems before we had kids.
00:42:40No.
00:42:45Yeah.
00:42:46Well...
00:42:55If you don't want to play seven minutes, you'd have any more.
00:42:57That name, it's so corny.
00:43:01Of course Ryan and Bri aren't playing.
00:43:04So?
00:43:05Everybody else's game.
00:43:16Right.
00:43:16Well?
00:43:24Ready to win?
00:43:26She wants to, so...
00:43:28Fun!
00:43:29Alright, my lawyer says it'll be valid because we'd all be witnesses to each other's signatures.
00:43:35Well, I printed a limited liability agreement from the net.
00:43:40It's a boilerplate agreement, so I had to add some wording.
00:43:43But basically, we're agreeing to not talk about the game after tonight.
00:43:48So that, you know, no one fights about it afterward.
00:43:51And we can't discuss it publicly, either.
00:43:53Well, good.
00:43:54Because I don't want anybody thinking we're swingers.
00:43:56Yeah.
00:43:57It could have a negative effect on my career.
00:44:00Well, all of our careers.
00:44:01We all have careers.
00:44:02So...
00:44:03Of course.
00:44:04Well, everyone, except for Lisa.
00:44:07I work.
00:44:08I run this household.
00:44:10If by run this household, you mean calling the maid and...
00:44:13Ordering takeout.
00:44:15Don't talk to me like that.
00:44:18Lisa, come on.
00:44:19It's not like you're...
00:44:20Actually doing all the work yourself.
00:44:23Cleaning the house, the pool, doing the landscaping.
00:44:25I coordinate everything.
00:44:27I pay the bills and run the errands so that you can work 24-7.
00:44:31I make your life possible.
00:44:33Oh, wow.
00:44:34Like, that's a privilege.
00:44:34I get to work 24-7.
00:44:36You love working.
00:44:39I have to go to the well while I can.
00:44:41This could all change overnight.
00:44:45Yeah, I'm a hot writer now.
00:44:47But that can't last forever, right?
00:44:50Mm-mm.
00:44:57Okay.
00:44:58Yes, I love to work.
00:45:01I'm sorry.
00:45:02You're right.
00:45:03You make my life possible.
00:45:13Which closet are we going to use?
00:45:14Where does this even go?
00:45:32I'll be the DJ.
00:45:35Brian Ferry.
00:45:37Too obvious?
00:45:40Who would you want to be matched with?
00:45:42What do you mean?
00:45:43If we played.
00:45:44You want to play.
00:45:47No, I'm just saying, if we did, who would you want to be paired with?
00:45:50No one.
00:45:51Who would you want to be paired with?
00:45:52No one.
00:45:54Why'd you ask me that?
00:45:56Obviously, you've thought about who you'd want to be paired with.
00:45:58I was thinking that maybe it was on your mind.
00:46:02Well, if we're going to argue, then we might as well play.
00:46:04You want to play.
00:46:06No!
00:46:07Do you?
00:46:09No.
00:46:14I don't know.
00:46:29I have feng shui.
00:46:31Okay.
00:46:32I know you find Lisa attractive.
00:46:36Maybe not her face, but her breasts.
00:46:39No, I don't.
00:46:41Liar.
00:46:42Hurry.
00:46:43I mean, what?
00:46:43No, look.
00:46:44You have to lie.
00:46:45I mean, you have no choice.
00:46:47What are you going to say?
00:46:48Yeah, she's got great tits.
00:46:50You can't say that.
00:46:51So you lie to keep the peace.
00:46:53See?
00:46:54Everything's based on a foundation of bullshit.
00:46:58That's so depressing.
00:47:01We should just be honest.
00:47:03Okay.
00:47:05You first.
00:47:08Okay.
00:47:13Yes.
00:47:14Lisa has nice breasts.
00:47:16But you know they're going to sag.
00:47:18And yours are going to stay nice and perfect looking.
00:47:21Yeah, because they're smaller.
00:47:24Hers are huge.
00:47:29Okay.
00:47:30Now you say something honest.
00:47:33Be honest about something.
00:47:36Oh.
00:47:37All right, this is not a big deal.
00:47:39I mean, it's silly.
00:47:40Because he's famous and unattainable.
00:47:43But I find Matt Damon attractive.
00:47:49Matt Damon?
00:47:51He's not unattainable.
00:47:52You could totally get him.
00:47:53Ryan, he's married.
00:47:55And his wife seems really lovely.
00:47:57Why do people use that word, lovely?
00:47:59So pretentious.
00:48:00Like, what are we, British or something?
00:48:02Huh?
00:48:02I guarantee if Matt Damon met you, he'd be attracted to you.
00:48:05No, he wouldn't.
00:48:07Okay?
00:48:07And that's part of why I like him.
00:48:09You know, I feel like he's a nice guy.
00:48:10He's got integrity.
00:48:11Oh boy, you've really thought a lot about this, haven't you?
00:48:14Huh?
00:48:15Matt Damon?
00:48:17I mean, he's not even funny.
00:48:18Yeah, remember when he was on Will and Grace?
00:48:20You fucking remember that?
00:48:23I mean, you've really been into him for a while, haven't you?
00:48:26I'm not going to argue with you about this.
00:48:28If we're going to argue, then let's go play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
00:48:30If you want to fucking play, then let's fucking play.
00:48:32I don't want to play.
00:48:33Of course you don't want to play.
00:48:35Not with these slobs.
00:48:36They're no temptation to you.
00:48:37Not when you're obsessed with Matt Damon.
00:48:39Oh my God.
00:48:40I mean, I don't know how I'm going to find time to get washboard abs
00:48:43when I'm busy trying to work my ass off to build a comedy career.
00:48:47I mean, who knows what will happen?
00:48:49When you run into Damon while I'm out flying all over creation,
00:48:53performing in clubs to try to pay for a fucking house.
00:48:56This is insane.
00:48:58I'm not going to leave you for Matt Damon.
00:49:00You think he'd be faithful to you?
00:49:02Huh?
00:49:03A fucking actor?
00:49:06They fall in and out of love like kids at summer camp.
00:49:09Huh?
00:49:10You really think he's going to be into you?
00:49:11When you get old and your breasts sag?
00:49:20What do you think?
00:49:22This is perfect.
00:49:28So we can use these to draw names.
00:49:31Oh, here.
00:49:31I'll do it.
00:49:32Okay.
00:49:32So Ryan thinks you have nice breasts.
00:49:38Thanks.
00:49:40No problem.
00:49:44Real original.
00:49:45Well, here we go.
00:49:59Okay, you guys ready to play?
00:50:01I didn't know married people did stuff like this.
00:50:03They don't.
00:50:04You don't know that?
00:50:05We don't know what other married people do.
00:50:07Okay, well, we're short one girl, so someone's going to have to go twice.
00:50:12Me?
00:50:12Okay.
00:50:13If you have two kids, you go twice.
00:50:17No one picks their own spouse.
00:50:19There's got to be a more efficient way to do this, like a mathematical way.
00:50:22Oh, too bad we're all writers.
00:50:23We'll never find out.
00:50:24Oh, too bad we're all writers.
00:50:26We'll never find out.
00:50:28Lisa.
00:50:29That's your wife.
00:50:38Yeah, please.
00:50:39After you.
00:50:40first can I get a drink you don't care you don't care I think this is a test
00:51:05like they're testing us here we were going first because they want to see if
00:51:09we're actually going to do something and then they'll just like crucify us no
00:51:13this wood paneling's nice yeah I know it's original it's from the 50s Josh wanted to redo it because
00:51:24he likes everything so perfect he prides himself on being a perfectionist you know it's funny my
00:51:31mom is the human resources manager for a hospital so she's a real student of human nature do I sound
00:51:36like a geek well anyway so when she interviews someone and they say that they're a perfectionist
00:51:43she doesn't buy it she says true perfectionists are so demanding of themselves that they think
00:51:48they don't think of themselves as anywhere near perfect they think that everything they do is
00:51:52so far from perfection that they couldn't possibly be a perfectionist I love that so I don't think
00:51:58Josh is a perfectionist do you ever read his scripts when he finishes them always do they have any
00:52:05typos tons I rest my case I sound like an old person next thing you know I'll be saying gams instead of
00:52:14like look at the gams on her you're so funny really yeah Michelle doesn't tell you that very often huh
00:52:24it's extremely rare it's part of her winning formula she hardly ever throws you a bone so when she does
00:52:29you feel like you're the king of the world oh my god now I'm James Cameron he's not such a bad guy
00:52:35Josh hardly ever compliments me either it's because they're insecure really insecure people never give
00:52:45compliments they can't afford to you're right you're so smart and funny and god Michelle's lucky
00:52:54you're such a man you know you're such a guy oh my god it feels so good to get compliments from a
00:53:03beautiful girl wish beautiful girls would give me compliments all the time you know is that wrong to
00:53:09want that no you think I'm beautiful of course should we make out maybe I don't know if this whole
00:53:27marriage thing is going to work out so probably give it a go you're really funny keep saying that
00:53:36and I will leave her I'm serious I will do it right now you're so funny
00:53:57oh my god why did we waste time talking
00:54:07this contract is not going to prevent arguments
00:54:24I know do I have any lipstick on me
00:54:26you're good thank you
00:54:28time's up
00:54:30what did you do anything
00:54:42you didn't do anything
00:54:47I thought we weren't discussing it
00:54:49we signed the contract
00:54:51you didn't do anything
00:54:54you signed the contract
00:54:56okay we're honoring the contract
00:55:00ginger
00:55:07oh boy
00:55:09oh
00:55:10yeah
00:55:11alrighty
00:55:14sir
00:55:15m'lady
00:55:17don't hurt nobody
00:55:18excuse me Brad
00:55:20this is a little weird huh
00:55:31yeah
00:55:32Ah.
00:56:00What's wrong?
00:56:02No.
00:56:08Should I go get someone?
00:56:08One of the girls?
00:56:09Or is this about Chris?
00:56:19It's everything.
00:56:29I'm sorry.
00:56:30I'm ruining this for you.
00:56:31No.
00:56:32No.
00:56:33Please.
00:56:34Don't you like Brad?
00:56:36He seems okay.
00:56:38Yeah.
00:56:39Yeah.
00:56:40He's just young.
00:56:42I mean, we're always talking about his hopes and dreams.
00:56:46Oh, God.
00:56:49Yeah, it's depressing.
00:56:51Oh, I just can't go through all of this again.
00:56:55I mean, he thinks that he loves me, but we would never last.
00:57:02Even if I allowed myself to fall in love with him, which I could.
00:57:07Eventually, he'd leave me for someone young, younger, like Chris did.
00:57:17He's crazy.
00:57:18He's so stupid to cheat on you.
00:57:21You smell amazing.
00:57:30It's Joe Malone 154.
00:57:34Lisa owns every perfume but that.
00:57:36Why don't you buy it for her?
00:57:39Yeah.
00:57:40There's something about a person who gets themselves everything that they want.
00:57:50makes you not want to get them stuff.
00:57:58That sounds bad, doesn't it?
00:57:59I sound like a jerk.
00:58:00No.
00:58:01No.
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03No.
00:58:04But maybe you need to talk to someone about it.
00:58:05What?
00:58:06You mean a therapist?
00:58:08I can't afford that.
00:58:09Oh, my God.
00:58:11Josh.
00:58:12You have a $2.5 million house.
00:58:14What are you talking about?
00:58:15Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
00:58:17I can't afford that.
00:58:21Oh, my God.
00:58:25Time's up!
00:58:32Where's Ginger?
00:58:33She went to the bathroom.
00:58:39Michelle.
00:58:54I'm so glad I got you.
00:59:00Really?
00:59:01Yeah.
00:59:03Um, I need to ask you something.
00:59:06Yeah, we can do more than just a case.
00:59:09Oh, no, no, no.
00:59:10I'm sorry.
00:59:11I'm sorry.
00:59:12No.
00:59:13Um, it's about Ginger.
00:59:15Okay.
00:59:16Do you think she would reconcile?
00:59:20You want to get back together?
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23I have to get her back.
00:59:25I don't know.
00:59:27You must have some idea.
00:59:29No, really.
00:59:30I don't.
00:59:31I don't know if she'd go back.
00:59:33You know, when she turns a corner...
00:59:37I know.
00:59:38I know.
00:59:40In college, she used to cry over a guy for a week and then he was dead to her.
00:59:46When she's done, she's done, you know?
00:59:48Yeah.
00:59:49If this is about her looking good, Chris...
00:59:51Oh, please.
00:59:52I'm shallow.
00:59:53I'm not ridiculous.
00:59:54That's why I came here tonight to see if she would get back together with me and then
00:59:57she shows up with this boy toy.
00:59:59You got a hotel room with a 23-year-old actress.
01:00:03She was 28.
01:00:04Okay.
01:00:05Well, on IMDB, it says that she's...
01:00:07She's an actress.
01:00:08She lies about her age.
01:00:11So you regret it?
01:00:14Oh, my God.
01:00:16Yes.
01:00:17I regret it.
01:00:18If I could take it back, I would.
01:00:21But at some point, it was exciting, right?
01:00:25For about two minutes.
01:00:28But it was, like, great, right?
01:00:30Like, do you, like, feel alive?
01:00:32Are you thinking about cheating on Dave?
01:00:34Is that what this is about?
01:00:36Our playing this game?
01:00:37No, I just...
01:00:40I'm so sick of Dave.
01:00:43You know?
01:00:45Yeah.
01:00:46I know.
01:00:47And then you get tired of the person you're cheating with.
01:00:50And then, I don't know, it just seems like bad form to cheat on the person you're cheating
01:00:54with.
01:00:57Yeah.
01:00:58And let me tell you something.
01:01:00It's not real great out there.
01:01:02What's it like dating again?
01:01:05It sucks.
01:01:08Because all these people have baggage.
01:01:11And you're not exactly eager to find out what it is.
01:01:14And, I don't know, I don't feel like meeting strangers in restaurants and, you know, immediately
01:01:22finding out they're nowhere near as good as Ginger.
01:01:25Did I tell you I went to the Oscars this year?
01:01:32A friend of mine had an extra ticket, so I gotta go.
01:01:35How was it?
01:01:36Within five minutes of being there, you're walking down the red carpet and everybody's
01:01:40ignoring you because you're not a star.
01:01:43And then you realize you don't even want to be there if you don't have a movie in the
01:01:48running.
01:01:49And at this point in my life, I want to make something great.
01:01:55You know, something that moves people, that makes them feel something.
01:02:00And this is going to sound weird, but I can't do it without Ginger.
01:02:06I need her.
01:02:07I need her in my corner.
01:02:10Are you bummed we didn't do anything?
01:02:14No, no, it's fine.
01:02:16I hope Ginger takes you back.
01:02:20Thanks.
01:02:21You're awesome.
01:02:23Full sex, right?
01:02:29Not prepared for anything.
01:02:31I'm sorry, can I talk to you for a second?
01:02:42Yeah, yeah.
01:02:58How was it?
01:03:01What?
01:03:04Making out with Josh.
01:03:06We didn't make out, we just, we kissed a little.
01:03:10Was it good?
01:03:12Brad, we just talked.
01:03:15I was upset.
01:03:16Why?
01:03:17Why were you upset?
01:03:19He cheated on you and he left you.
01:03:21I know.
01:03:22What are you seeing in him?
01:03:26Okay, yeah, maybe he was good looking when he was young, but...
01:03:29Brad, he and I are the same age.
01:03:32Yeah, but you're beautiful and interesting and smart and he's this Hollywood producer.
01:03:40And you took vows and he slept with someone else.
01:03:43Doesn't that bother you?
01:03:44Of course.
01:03:45It all bothers me.
01:03:47The fact that he cheated, the fact that we're getting a divorce.
01:03:52The fact that Oliver's going to have to deal with the effects of this divorce for the rest
01:03:56of his life.
01:03:58Stepmothers and stepfathers flying back and forth across the country to see one parent
01:04:02while he's missing the one he's not with.
01:04:04I mean...
01:04:06Brad, what are we doing?
01:04:13What do you mean?
01:04:16You want me to fall in love with you?
01:04:18Yes!
01:04:19Please!
01:04:20That's what I want.
01:04:21Okay, then what?
01:04:24We...
01:04:25We enjoy life and we have fun together and we have amazing sex and...
01:04:31How long would that last?
01:04:34I don't...
01:04:36Even if we lasted a couple years, if we even made it to spring...
01:04:41Of course we'd make it to spring.
01:04:42Okay, then what?
01:04:44We get married and you become Oliver's stepfather?
01:04:49You're gonna want to be with someone young.
01:04:52Someone who's in the same life phase as you.
01:04:55Life phase?
01:04:56Yeah, life phase.
01:04:57Mine involves my eyesight suddenly going to shit and buying reading glasses at the
01:05:03drugstore.
01:05:04Like old people.
01:05:06Worrying about how the teen years are gonna be.
01:05:08Getting root canals and...
01:05:10It's not all serious.
01:05:12You can have fun.
01:05:13Yeah.
01:05:14Yeah, but...
01:05:16I guess at the end of the day, I want to be with someone who is in the same place in
01:05:21life as me.
01:05:22I'm ready.
01:05:23Lisa.
01:05:24Ugh.
01:05:25Ugh.
01:05:26I'm ready.
01:05:50No, no, no, no.
01:06:20Time's up!
01:06:30Time's up!
01:06:32What's this?
01:06:34Oh boy. Are you kidding me?
01:06:36Hey, thanks for dinner.
01:06:38Is he leaving?
01:06:40What the hell did you do?
01:06:42Nothing. Right.
01:06:44We said we were gonna honor the contract.
01:06:48You okay?
01:07:18Ginger...
01:07:26I wanna get back together.
01:07:32Are you kidding?
01:07:36No.
01:07:40I'm sorry, you know, about arguing earlier.
01:07:44Yeah, me too.
01:07:46I'm developing a new theory.
01:07:48What's your theory?
01:07:50The fact that everything is based on these little white lies is a good thing.
01:07:56You know, it's people being compassionate toward one another.
01:08:00Protecting each other's feelings.
01:08:02Okay, I wanna go with this. Go ahead.
01:08:04Like, it's hard enough for me to accept Lisa has nice breasts.
01:08:08No, she doesn't.
01:08:10But I don't wanna hear you say it aloud.
01:08:12You know, better for me to just hope you don't spend too much time thinking about them.
01:08:16I don't.
01:08:18Right.
01:08:20These little white lies, they are the glue that hold relationships together.
01:08:26They hold society together.
01:08:30So, uh, what'd you think of my new material?
01:08:34I think it's great.
01:08:36But what?
01:08:38Nothing. I think it's great.
01:08:40What specifically did you have a problem with?
01:08:44I didn't have a problem with any of it.
01:08:46It's all good.
01:08:48But not as good as my best stuff.
01:08:52It will be.
01:08:54You're gonna do your tweaking.
01:08:56You know, you're gonna rewrite it, and rewrite it,
01:08:58and it's gonna be on the same level as your other stuff.
01:09:00Sounds like I got a lot of rewriting to do, huh?
01:09:06I feel like we have not fought this much in a year.
01:09:09It's these people. They're a bad influence.
01:09:12So, is this because I've lost weight?
01:09:15No. Gain it all back. I don't care.
01:09:17Oh, you do care, okay?
01:09:19Men are visually stimulated.
01:09:25See, I miss this.
01:09:27I miss our conversations. I miss good conversation.
01:09:30I went to every screening of every movie
01:09:34and defended each as if it were my own child.
01:09:37The Hallmark movie, Chris.
01:09:40You were an angel.
01:09:42I used to love to cook for you.
01:09:48I don't know if I could do that now.
01:09:51Don't say that.
01:09:53Do you know how many tears Oliver and I have cried over you?
01:09:58I'm sorry.
01:10:00Being cheated on.
01:10:01Being walked out on.
01:10:03It's very shaming.
01:10:06Everyone's gonna look at me and wonder how I could take you back.
01:10:11I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, Jen.
01:10:16So we're gonna go the whole rest of our marriage without you telling me what you did?
01:10:23The whole rest of our marriage makes it sound like we're gonna last a long time.
01:10:27You don't think we will?
01:10:28I don't know.
01:10:29Well, that doesn't sound good.
01:10:34Is this about that kid?
01:10:36What, are you like in love with him or something?
01:10:38No.
01:10:39I can't believe this.
01:10:42That punk, I served him Opus One.
01:10:45And he did God knows what with my wife.
01:10:48Josh, I didn't say I want to break up.
01:10:50It wouldn't be a break up. It would be a divorce.
01:10:53Well, I'm not thinking about divorce.
01:10:58I was earlier tonight.
01:10:59What?
01:11:02It's just that the girls think that you don't respect me.
01:11:05The way that you're always making sarcastic little remarks and trying to take me down a notch.
01:11:10I respect you.
01:11:13I don't know if you do.
01:11:18What does that word mean anyways?
01:11:20Respect.
01:11:21Respect.
01:11:22Obviously, I respect you.
01:11:29If I didn't, why would I want to go to that kid's next showcase and beat the shit out of him in front of his agents, managers, and everybody?
01:11:36How much of a guest room?
01:11:40What is this? The servants quarters?
01:11:42Stop complaining.
01:11:43So, what did you and Chris do?
01:11:48Nothing.
01:11:50Michelle.
01:11:53I'm serious. We didn't do anything.
01:11:55We just talked.
01:11:56He wants to get back together with Ginger.
01:11:58He does.
01:11:59Is she going to take him back?
01:12:01I don't know.
01:12:04What did you and Lisa do?
01:12:05No, wait. I want to talk about Ginger and Chris.
01:12:07No, let's talk about you and Lisa.
01:12:09I'm not trying to grill you. I'm just getting curious.
01:12:15I'm glad it was her. I'm not jealous of her.
01:12:18You're not.
01:12:21Do you think I should be?
01:12:22No.
01:12:23You have a thing for Lisa now.
01:12:26No, I don't.
01:12:28Dave.
01:12:29Her boobs are so big. They're too big.
01:12:33Just because I don't think she's a threat doesn't mean she's not a threat.
01:12:36And you could be totally attracted to her.
01:12:38You think she's hot.
01:12:44You loved making out with her. Did you do more than kiss?
01:12:47No.
01:12:48Did you wish you did more than kiss?
01:12:51What? It's...
01:12:53Why is that even...
01:12:55Oh my god!
01:12:57I'm so jealous I could scream.
01:12:58You...
01:12:59I could totally freak out right now.
01:13:02Oh my god.
01:13:04She has a great body, doesn't she?
01:13:07You...
01:13:08You really want me to answer that?
01:13:09Yes.
01:13:10Do you think she has a good body?
01:13:16Maybe? I don't...
01:13:17This is stupid.
01:13:18How can you say that to me?
01:13:20All I said was maybe.
01:13:22Oh my god!
01:13:24She has a good figure and I'm a short-waisted freak!
01:13:30You are not a short-waisted freak.
01:13:36If you were innocent, you would just tell me what you did.
01:13:39The fact that you won't tell me what you did means you're guilty of something.
01:13:43We signed a contract for exactly this reason.
01:13:46You know what's weird?
01:13:48You haven't asked what Ginger and I did.
01:13:50Because it hasn't even occurred to you.
01:13:52Because you're so consumed by thoughts of Brad.
01:13:55What did you do?
01:13:56Tell me what you did.
01:13:57So what, I'm just supposed to go around wondering what you did for the rest of my life?
01:14:09Yeah.
01:14:10Just like I'll always wonder what you did with that girl Jennifer from work.
01:14:14Oh, I knew you were going to play that card.
01:14:16That happened eight years ago.
01:14:21It feels like yesterday.
01:14:23You can't.
01:14:24You can't.
01:14:25You can't.
01:14:26You can't play all you want.
01:14:27You're not going to.
01:14:28Love you.
01:14:29Let me love you.
01:14:30No.
01:14:31Let me love you.
01:14:32Stop.
01:14:33You're too.
01:14:34Okay, just give up.
01:14:35No.
01:14:36No.
01:14:37Just give up.
01:14:38I'm going to read that scripty song.
01:14:48It's weird.
01:14:49There's so many people out there.
01:14:51But there's no one like you.
01:15:01Please give me another chance.
01:15:05I don't know if I can get over it.
01:15:08Tell me what to do to make this right.
01:15:11I'll do anything.
01:15:16You know, the obvious thing is that you get a free pass.
01:15:21You get to cheat on me.
01:15:23Once.
01:15:24Whenever you want.
01:15:28I would argue that that kid Brad counts for something.
01:15:31Because I know you had better sex with him than I did with the actress.
01:15:34Well, I'm sorry that you didn't fully enjoy yourself when you were cheating on me.
01:15:51Tense up.
01:15:52What?
01:15:53Just tense your stomach muscles up.
01:15:54I don't know what you're saying.
01:15:55Go ahead.
01:15:56Do it.
01:15:57I don't understand.
01:15:58Oh!
01:15:59Ow!
01:16:01From this point forward, I want to go ahead.
01:16:02Just tense your stomach muscles up.
01:16:03I don't know what you're saying.
01:16:04Go ahead.
01:16:05Do it.
01:16:06I don't understand.
01:16:07Oh!
01:16:08Ow!
01:16:09From this point forward, I won't bring up Brad, and you won't bring up Jennifer.
01:16:35Okay.
01:16:41Something's changed.
01:16:43What do you mean?
01:16:44I don't know.
01:16:45It's like you're not as invested.
01:16:50I'm invested.
01:16:55What are you doing?
01:16:56You always stay up and work.
01:16:58Not tonight.
01:16:59We gotta have sex.
01:17:01I gotta try to make you forget about that kid.
01:17:06Who shall remain nameless.
01:17:09I didn't get to do anything.
01:17:12Everybody got to do something except for me.
01:17:31Oh!
01:17:37Like when I'm spricht Es NFL.
01:17:40Yeah.
01:17:41It got to be fun.
01:17:42Yeah.
01:17:43I can't put this weapon up.
01:17:45I don't care for anybody for them.
01:17:46Do it.
01:17:47It was because of it.
01:17:48I don't care for anybody.
01:17:49You guys are wrong.
01:17:50Have trouble ever.
01:17:51Well, I'll be there.
01:17:52The thing that leads me to touch is funny.
01:17:53She needs to do something.
01:17:54We are careful after we move smarter society.
01:17:56I gotta go.
01:17:57Where are you?
01:17:58Only minutes of parts.
01:17:59Let's go.
01:18:29Prescriptions? For what?
01:18:53You name it. High blood pressure, reflux, hair loss, anxiety. The guy is falling apart.
01:18:58The price of success. I was under a lot of pressure.
01:19:02Yeah, maybe that's what we're in for when we get to where we want to be, huh?
01:19:05No, we'll be different. We'll handle it better.
01:19:08All right.
01:19:09Stay grounded, keep our priorities straight.
01:19:11Right. Maybe the guy's just not good at handling stress.
01:19:14Yeah. We'll handle it better.
01:19:18I feel for him.
01:19:19Yeah?
01:19:19Mm-hmm.
01:19:21Okay. All right. I'll call you when I get there. Thanks.
01:19:51Bye.
01:19:54Ginger told me to tell you thanks.
01:19:56For what?
01:19:58She said you were kind to her last night.
01:20:06Let's call Oliver.
01:20:07We can't screw up again.
01:20:15You can't.
01:20:16I won't. I'm not going to.
01:20:19We can't put him through that again.
01:20:23We won't.
01:20:24The girls all think you're really attractive.
01:20:34They do?
01:20:37Well, what'd they say exactly?
01:20:40That you have sex appeal.
01:20:43They think you're great.
01:20:45They love you.
01:20:46What's the matter?
01:20:51What's wrong?
01:20:54I'm sorry.
01:20:56For what?
01:20:58It's just I know I can be short-tempered and...
01:21:03Well, you get no sleep.
01:21:05You're walking around totally sleep-deprived.
01:21:07And here you're trying to write and mastermind everything.
01:21:10Where the kids are going to go to school
01:21:11and what's the best pediatrician for them to go to
01:21:14and whether or not they're going to get flu shots.
01:21:17You're an amazing mom.
01:21:19And I'm no help.
01:21:20I mean, I'm lame.
01:21:21I don't do anything compared to you.
01:21:28That's all I wanted to hear.
01:21:30Just the acknowledgement, you know?
01:21:36We should go out.
01:21:38Once a week.
01:21:39Just the two of us.
01:21:40I don't care what it costs.
01:21:41We have to do it.
01:21:43Okay.
01:21:47Do you remember what Antonio Banderas said?
01:21:50A relationship is like a fire.
01:21:56You have to throw wood on it to keep it going.
01:22:01See?
01:22:08I've been thinking about New York.
01:22:09Really?
01:22:12Yeah, for a writer, it's the best place to live.
01:22:14You know, you overhear the most interesting conversations
01:22:17that you would never hear here in L.A.
01:22:22I don't know.
01:22:23I know that Manhattan is crazy expensive.
01:22:27The air quality is terrible.
01:22:30Right, but what if deep down inside
01:22:31you believe that it's the only place to live?
01:22:35Is that what you think?
01:22:37Maybe.
01:22:37Me too.
01:22:42Let's go.
01:22:43I mean, I could easily leave, you know?
01:22:46I'm serious.
01:22:48I mean, I love our friends, but
01:22:50I could walk away.
01:22:56We can't move.
01:22:58Yeah.
01:22:59Not yet.
01:23:01I gotta be out here for meetings and stuff.
01:23:07Dave and Michelle are hosting the next dinner.
01:23:11Yeah.
01:23:13Should be fine.
01:23:14Yeah.
01:23:15Should be.
01:23:16It's always such a trap
01:23:28It's always such a shame
01:23:32Go on and have a laugh
01:23:36Cause it's always the same
01:23:40And it's always the same
01:23:44Back in the days I'm waking up
01:23:50I'm still asleep
01:23:52I just wanna
01:23:56I just wanna have some fun
01:24:02I just wanna
01:24:04I just want to fly for once
01:24:11I've always been a clown
01:24:15In all my busy rain
01:24:19It's bringing me down
01:24:23As far as you can see
01:24:27As far as you can see
01:24:32At the end of the days I'm waking up
01:24:37I'm still asleep
01:24:40I just wanna
01:24:43I just wanna
01:24:47I just wanna have some fun
01:24:49I just wanna
01:24:51I just want to
01:24:55I just need to fly for once
01:24:58I just wanna
01:24:59I just wanna
01:25:07I just wanna
01:25:09I just wanna
01:25:12Get some time for once
01:25:15guitar solo
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