00:00Uh, and if you don't have kids, get ready to sit back and feel great about your life choices.
00:06Let's do the math really quick.
00:07Uh, I am, uh, 60 years old.
00:10Having kids at my age is like getting a DUI just as you pull into your driveway.
00:21I'm so close!
00:23I was so close!
00:25Officer, I'm, sure, that's a line. This is my property.
00:30No, Jamie, you're under arrest and your punishment is bankruptcy and you're going to be really tired for the rest of your life.
00:36I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.
00:38It's like I had a midlife crisis in reverse.
00:42I was deep in my 40s. I was on the show My Boys.
00:45I had a bank full of money.
00:46Um, I was in a rent-controlled apartment that was really nice.
00:51When you live alone in an apartment and you leave and you come back, everything's exactly where you left it.
01:00It was always at 67 degrees.
01:02I ate out every night. I slept in every morning.
01:05Not a care in the world.
01:05And I thought to myself, how can I put a stop to this?
01:11And here we are. Here we are.
01:14I'm 50 years older than my daughter.
01:1550 years older than my daughter.
01:19This is crazy.
01:19Luckily, there's not been a lot of technological advances that have come along in the last 50 years that I would need to keep up with to take care of her.
01:29I go to my kid's school.
01:30They go, you know, you got to protect your kid on the Internet.
01:32I go, I'm 60.
01:34She needs to protect me on the Internet.
01:38I don't go to Genius Bar.
01:40I go to Claire Bar.
01:41And then she just goes through all my emails.
01:43I go, that's spam.
01:44You're being spoofed.
01:45This is a scam.
01:46Don't download anything, Dad.
01:48Don't give them information, silly.
01:5050 years older.
01:55I grew up without a cell phone.
01:56No cell phone when I was a kid.
01:58When I was a kid, if you went to a concert and you lost your friends, you made new friends.
02:02That's how that show went.
02:07Sometimes those friends turned out to be cooler than your old friends.
02:10And they became your friends because you had social skills and could talk to people face-to-face and maintain eye contact.
02:18It was a crazy time in history back then.
02:21But it was a good time, right, our older folks?
02:23It was a great time, wasn't it?
02:24It was a great time.
02:28We signed a pledge recently.
02:29A lot of schools are doing it.
02:30No cell phones for my daughter until they reach high school.
02:34You with that?
02:35Great idea, right?
02:36Yes.
02:37No cell phone for them.
02:38So I felt bad.
02:39I felt bad for my daughter, who's 11.
02:41So on the way to and from school, I would let her play her music on my phone in the car.
02:47Which I do not recommend you do.
02:50Because I don't know if you know how algorithms work.
02:56But now my phone thinks I really like Taylor Swift.
03:00If I go to play iTunes Shuffle, it just plays Taylor Swift's greatest hits.
03:05So at the end of the day, it's like, oh, hi, it's me.
03:08I'm the problem.
03:09But I need to shake it off.
03:12I need to shake that off.
03:15I need to go.
03:18See you later.
03:20You may have about it.
03:20So let's see.
03:21Evet, what's the bottom for?
03:22I need toiss it.
03:23I don't know.
03:23I don't know if the top are doing it yet.
03:23It's OK, it's тоже.
03:24I know it's just that right.
03:25I know it's me.
03:26I've just done it.
03:26I do today.
03:27I can't do it.
03:28So there's no Shuffle I guess.
03:28I can't do it.
03:29So let's do it.
03:30I saw the top one with you four dances you as a bit.
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