Andy Richter Controls The Universe Season 1 Episode 1 3-19-02 "Pilot" Keith Part 1

Andy Richter Controls The Universe Season 1 Episode 1 3-19-02 "Pilot" Keith & Andy Scene 1 Part 1

Transcript

00:00See? A lot can go wrong. Better to keep my mouth shut.

00:09Taste this.

00:10No.

00:10It's good. It's like a fruit loaf or something.

00:13I'm obsessed with the new receptionist.

00:15My mom sent me like 300 pounds of it.

00:17She's so beautiful.

00:19Well, she knows how to form and bake mass quantities of fruit, that's for sure.

00:23You think she could ever be interested in me?

00:25I don't know. Maybe after my dad dies.

00:27Keith, I'm talking about Wendy, the new receptionist.

00:32Oh, yeah. She's hot.

00:34Yeah. She seems so unattainable, though.

00:37Definitely. Only, she's not.

00:42Oh, my God. Wait.

00:45Did you have sex with my Wendy?

00:48It does not feel right talking about it.

00:50How could you do that? You know how I feel about her.

00:52She's been here like a month. You haven't even talked to her.

00:55What's up with that, by the way?

00:57I'm shy.

00:59It's endearing.

01:01You can't relate to this because you're too good-looking.

01:04Oh, not this again.

01:05Seriously.

01:06You see something? It's yours.

01:08Wendy, fruit loaf, good teeth.

01:11You have no idea what it's like to be around someone so attractive you can't even talk to them.

01:15Hey, Susie.

01:16Hi, Keith.

01:17I'm sorry, what?

01:18It's true. Things just come to good-looking people. The world likes them more, treats them better.

01:25Keith, big problem with the...

01:27I'm sorry. You're too handsome for this mess. I'll dump it on someone else.

01:32Thanks.

01:33Oh, God, I almost forgot.

01:35Because you are so handsome, a bunch of us chipped in and got you an envelope full of money.

01:41You guys.

01:42I know what you're thinking. Keith's my friend, and I'm just being bitter.

01:47But I have my heart broken, so I'm allowed to lash out.

01:51Like you're all so perfect.

01:52You're so handsome, and you're so handsome.