- 4 weeks ago
Jack and Gill’s 40th birthday goes off the rails when a weed-laced dinner kicks in—just as they learn a nuclear missile is en route to California. High and panicked, they must decide how to spend what could be their final night alive.
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FunTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the show where we talk about all the stuff in marriages that no one else will, and usually in a graphic manner.
00:00:48I'm your loyal host, Jill, with a G, Langer, and I will be your guide on this journey of self-discovery.
00:00:55We have one of our favorite guests joining us. She's definitely one of my favorites. You know her. You love her. That's right, folks.
00:01:05Dr. Greta. She is back to teach us how to talk dirty in the bedroom.
00:01:10And can I just say that I am so ready? Because if I have to have any more scheduled sex in order to make a baby, somebody's gonna lose their fucking mind.
00:01:21And that's someone, isn't it?
00:01:23Make me a little fucking cum slut.
00:01:26Oh, God.
00:01:27Yeah!
00:01:51That didn't make a baby, I don't know what will.
00:01:57That was good, right?
00:01:59It was, uh...
00:02:01That dirty talk was new.
00:02:05Yeah.
00:02:06I learned it from the sexologist that we had on the show last week. What'd you think?
00:02:10I think, uh, sexologist is not a real thing.
00:02:15Hey, it totally is to you a real profession.
00:02:19Oh, yeah?
00:02:20I would you major in school?
00:02:21Doggy style.
00:02:22Yeah.
00:02:23Probably cunnilingus and other things.
00:02:24Okay.
00:02:25I think, uh, sexologist is not a real thing.
00:02:31Hey, it totally is to you a real profession.
00:02:36Oh, yeah?
00:02:37Uh, what'd you major in school?
00:02:40Doggy style?
00:02:42Yeah, probably cunnilingus and other things.
00:02:46Okay.
00:02:47Okay.
00:02:49January 13th, three-ish.
00:02:53Jack has been consumed with sex to get pregnant,
00:02:58so I thought I would spice it up a little bit with some dirty talk,
00:03:02courtesy of Dr. Greta from episode 24.
00:03:07I thought it was hot.
00:03:09Jack seemed a little confused.
00:03:11Not confused.
00:03:12The only confusing part was how my wife of 20 years turned into a cum slut.
00:03:17Jack is normally a little more reserved in bed.
00:03:22Can you wrap it up, please?
00:03:23They're going to be here any minute.
00:03:24It's my job.
00:03:25I'll be done in a second.
00:03:31Oh, shit, that's hot.
00:03:33Don't burn your pussy.
00:03:34Oh, too late.
00:03:37Hey, what are you doing?
00:03:39Huh?
00:03:39What are you doing now?
00:03:41Where's the outfit?
00:03:43Oh, I'm not wearing that.
00:03:44No, Jack, you promised.
00:03:48I'll look ridiculous.
00:03:49No, you won't.
00:03:53You'll look hot.
00:03:57You think the chef heard us?
00:03:59Don't wait.
00:04:00This house is huge.
00:04:03You're walking so fast.
00:04:04I can't move in these things.
00:04:06Now you know how I feel when I wear Spanx.
00:04:09Beauty is pain, baby.
00:04:11How do people wear these?
00:04:18God, look like Enrique Iglesias' accountant.
00:04:23Okay, let's just get a quick selfie.
00:04:25Oh, yeah.
00:04:26In front of the sign.
00:04:28Oh, wait a minute.
00:04:29Hold on.
00:04:29Let me just get this a little.
00:04:31What are you doing?
00:04:31Here we go.
00:04:32No.
00:04:33No, come on.
00:04:33They want us together wearing their shit looking hot, so.
00:04:37Oh, you can't post this, sweetie.
00:04:38Yes, I have to post this, sweetie.
00:04:39No, no, no.
00:04:40Come on, just give me one.
00:04:41Give me one good one, baby.
00:04:42I know you got it in here.
00:04:42My students are going to see this.
00:04:44I know you got it in here.
00:04:44All right, got it.
00:04:45You got it.
00:04:46Crushing it.
00:04:48Okay, which one do you like?
00:04:51Uh, what?
00:04:52This one.
00:04:53Great?
00:04:53Great.
00:04:54Yes, loving it.
00:04:55Do it.
00:04:55Okay, fine.
00:04:56I thought you were taking the night off.
00:04:57I am going to take the night off.
00:04:58I just, you know, the night hasn't started yet,
00:05:00and I need to post a photo really quickly.
00:05:03Right.
00:05:04Posting.
00:05:04I have to do this really quickly.
00:05:07Happy birthday.
00:05:08Post it.
00:05:08There you are.
00:05:10Hey.
00:05:12I just wanted to have a, you know,
00:05:14a moment with my beautiful wife.
00:05:20You know, I was thinking about today.
00:05:22What?
00:05:22When I first saw you, 20 years ago,
00:05:26across the bar at the El Sombrero,
00:05:28and how I knew right away
00:05:32that in 20 years, I would still be looking at you.
00:05:37Oh, my God.
00:05:3920 years.
00:05:41Can you believe it?
00:05:43Yeah.
00:05:44I can.
00:05:45Yeah.
00:05:45Because I love you.
00:05:46I love you.
00:05:51Happy birthday.
00:05:53Happy birthday.
00:05:55God.
00:05:57That was so sweet.
00:05:59I mean, I'm just a great guy.
00:06:02Can you do that again?
00:06:04What do you mean?
00:06:04What?
00:06:06For the birthday episode?
00:06:08Chilly.
00:06:09Come on, just a quick video.
00:06:10The moment has passed.
00:06:10The moment has passed.
00:06:11That was beautiful.
00:06:12Honey, please.
00:06:13I want to record it, and I want everybody to see
00:06:15how wonderful that was.
00:06:15It was a real thing.
00:06:16You know what?
00:06:17I got to brush my teeth real quick.
00:06:18I got to brush my teeth.
00:06:48What the fuck?
00:07:13Hello?
00:07:14Oh, God.
00:07:14Oh, God.
00:07:14Is this a surprise party?
00:07:15You know I hate surprises.
00:07:16No, I would not do that to you.
00:07:18I know.
00:07:19Oh, they're supposed to be here.
00:07:21Hey, we should try not to overshare tonight, okay?
00:07:24Oh, by we, you mean me?
00:07:26Yes, I mean you.
00:07:27Do I?
00:07:28You know what I hate?
00:07:30No.
00:07:31Patio furniture.
00:07:31Oh, guys are no patio furniture.
00:07:33Hi!
00:07:36Happy birthday!
00:07:37Oh, my God.
00:07:38It's so good to see you.
00:07:40Happy birthday.
00:07:41You guys look so great.
00:07:43Thank you for coming.
00:07:43Me too.
00:07:43Come on in.
00:07:46Wow.
00:07:47You love it?
00:07:47Oh, got brick.
00:07:50I know.
00:07:50We got so much brick.
00:07:52Where did you find this place?
00:07:54I found it through this incredible rental company, and the show gave me a stipend for
00:07:59the party.
00:07:59What?
00:08:00Wow.
00:08:01The podcast was supposed to be doing really well.
00:08:03Yeah.
00:08:03Congratulations.
00:08:04Yes.
00:08:05Oh, God.
00:08:07Oh, boy.
00:08:08Come here.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10Look at this.
00:08:11Let me...
00:08:12Hey, guys.
00:08:13Hi.
00:08:14Hugging royalty.
00:08:15Look at you.
00:08:16Wow.
00:08:16Happy birthday, Jack.
00:08:18Thanks.
00:08:19Tell him.
00:08:20Tell him.
00:08:20You look great.
00:08:21Wow.
00:08:21Look at this incredible color.
00:08:22His confidence.
00:08:23Look at the leather pants.
00:08:24Oh.
00:08:25I can see your penis.
00:08:26Oh.
00:08:26There it is.
00:08:27Right there.
00:08:28Slightly to the right.
00:08:29And, uh, presenting the appetizers.
00:08:31Oh.
00:08:31Hello.
00:08:32How many cows died to create these pants?
00:08:35No, they're actually vegan leather.
00:08:37Oh, good.
00:08:37Because I'm lactose intolerant.
00:08:39Here, just give it a feel.
00:08:41Like, it's so real.
00:08:43Who wants a drink?
00:08:44Let's get a drink.
00:08:45Let's get a drink.
00:08:45Come on.
00:08:49Look at this spread.
00:08:50I know.
00:08:50It's great, right?
00:08:51May I?
00:08:53I cannot believe we're 40.
00:08:55Oh, I know.
00:08:56I look so young, though.
00:08:58You do.
00:08:58Isn't it freaky?
00:09:00Is there a restroom I could use?
00:09:02Yes, just inside to the left.
00:09:04Mm-hmm.
00:09:05You guys have been together longer than you've been apart.
00:09:08No, I know.
00:09:09It's true.
00:09:09I was starting a family.
00:09:10You're pregnant.
00:09:12Oh.
00:09:12No.
00:09:13No, no, no, no, no.
00:09:14Not yet.
00:09:14Oh.
00:09:15I'm trying, though.
00:09:16Oh, that's amazing.
00:09:17Mm-hmm.
00:09:18It is amazing.
00:09:19Oh, you guys have been together for a really long time.
00:09:22Yeah.
00:09:22What's your secret?
00:09:23Well, we're open.
00:09:25But we aren't always open.
00:09:26It's kind of newish.
00:09:27Well, let's...
00:09:27When Ish had cancer, he wasn't, like, feeling that sexy.
00:09:31So he was like, you know, please go get your needs met.
00:09:34And, you know, I did.
00:09:34And then when he got healthier, I was like, you should go partake as well because you have
00:09:39a lot of kinks that I don't really have the endurance for.
00:09:41Does that make sense?
00:09:41And I was like, get out there.
00:09:43But we have a lot of rules.
00:09:44January to May, we are not open.
00:09:46That's cuffing season.
00:09:47It can't be the state where either of our mothers live.
00:09:49The bathroom has a bidet.
00:09:51I mean, I didn't use it.
00:09:52I just...
00:09:53What did I miss?
00:09:56They are starting a family.
00:09:57Well, well, well.
00:10:15It is in the one and only Moe.
00:10:17Wow.
00:10:18Logan, I had no idea you would be here.
00:10:22Yes, you did.
00:10:23Yeah, I did.
00:10:29What are you doing?
00:10:30Great.
00:10:31Huh?
00:10:31Yeah, you?
00:10:33I'm great.
00:10:36Are you drunk?
00:10:40We partied a little.
00:10:44What?
00:10:45Are you getting your nose pierced?
00:10:48No.
00:10:48I mean, yes, but, like, many years ago.
00:10:52It's cute.
00:10:54Vodka?
00:10:55Your favorite.
00:10:57Yeah, when I was 20.
00:10:58Get that out of here.
00:11:00I can't believe you.
00:11:01You look, uh...
00:11:02You look healthy.
00:11:06Healthy?
00:11:07Yeah.
00:11:08Am I a dairy cow?
00:11:10Maker MTO Sunday for surgery Monday.
00:11:13Yeah, it's risky.
00:11:13Plan is for left-awake, front-head, temporal,
00:11:15cramide, whid monitoring.
00:11:16Try not to waste any more of the breast milk.
00:11:17Okay, thank you.
00:11:18Sorry.
00:11:19Bye-bye.
00:11:20Lana?
00:11:21Hello?
00:11:21Hello?
00:11:22You're cutting out.
00:11:24Ugh.
00:11:30You all right?
00:11:31Yeah.
00:11:33Fine.
00:11:35Try to have a bit of fun.
00:11:36I will.
00:11:40Um, let's try not to have too much fun,
00:11:41because we do need to leave at five tomorrow morning
00:11:43to be back in time for Rocco.
00:11:45Sorry, what was that?
00:11:46I just got lost in those...
00:11:48grey, green eyes of yours.
00:11:51God, you are B-E-A-
00:11:53beautiful, aren't you?
00:11:55Sam.
00:11:56Stunning.
00:11:57Stop it.
00:11:58I can't, but I think I...
00:12:00No, stop it.
00:12:00Okay, okay, okay, okay, thank you.
00:12:02Yeah.
00:12:02They're waiting for us to get out of here.
00:12:03The city now.
00:12:04No!
00:12:04No!
00:12:07Oh, shit, is that no good?
00:12:09In the flesh, baby!
00:12:11Whoa!
00:12:12I forgot it!
00:12:13Hey, Penelope.
00:12:14Hello.
00:12:16Hi, how are you?
00:12:17Just really brilliant, thank you.
00:12:19Yeah, great.
00:12:19How are you?
00:12:20Great.
00:12:21Yeah.
00:12:21That's great.
00:12:23Where's Ben?
00:12:24Oh, he couldn't make it.
00:12:25He's, you know, he's working on Senator Bishop's campaign,
00:12:28so he's in New Orleans or Baton Rouge,
00:12:31somewhere in Louisiana, that's all I know.
00:12:32Do you guys ever see each other?
00:12:34You know, healthy relationships
00:12:35do not actually require proximity.
00:12:38Good sex does.
00:12:39I'm going to text Jill,
00:12:40because I don't know where they are.
00:12:42How are you anyway, Logan?
00:12:44How's the band?
00:12:44Yeah!
00:12:45Good.
00:12:46Yeah, yeah.
00:12:47You know, we're in between tours.
00:12:48Between tours?
00:12:49Oh, that's so cool that you're still touring.
00:12:51I think I heard you shoot
00:12:53on the oldie station the other day.
00:12:55Yacht Rock Radio.
00:12:56That's all shit.
00:12:57Yeah.
00:12:58Oh, hello.
00:13:00Hi.
00:13:01Who met?
00:13:03Oh, shit.
00:13:03Uh, Penelope.
00:13:04Here, I got this, I got this.
00:13:05Go ahead, go ahead.
00:13:06Logan, Penelope, this.
00:13:08It's my beautiful wife, Penelope.
00:13:13Pleasure?
00:13:14Pleasure's all mine.
00:13:16We all went to college together,
00:13:17and all of us,
00:13:19and then you, Jack, and I,
00:13:20roomed together freshman, sophomore year.
00:13:22Yeah, roomy.
00:13:23To become a famous rock star, as you do.
00:13:25Yeah, look at me now.
00:13:26And you and Mo dated each other for a while.
00:13:28Not necessary to the conversation at all.
00:13:31We didn't need that tidbit to tell the story.
00:13:34Can you guys get in there?
00:13:35Jack!
00:13:35Chicken, Jack, Jack!
00:13:37Honey, honey.
00:13:39Oh, my God.
00:13:40Oh!
00:13:40Oh!
00:13:40Oh!
00:13:41Oh!
00:13:42Doctor?
00:13:44Doctor?
00:13:44Doctor?
00:13:45Doctor?
00:13:46Doctor?
00:13:46Doctor?
00:13:47Doctor?
00:13:47Doctor?
00:13:47Doctor?
00:13:48Doctor?
00:13:48Oh!
00:13:49Oh, buddy.
00:13:51Good to see you, man.
00:13:52Good to see you.
00:13:53Oh, wow.
00:13:55Oh, wow.
00:13:58Hey, Jackie.
00:13:59Folks.
00:14:03Oh, thanks for coming, man.
00:14:06I missed you.
00:14:06I missed you, too.
00:14:07I missed both of you, huh?
00:14:10Yeah!
00:14:11Oh, my God.
00:14:12You look so good.
00:14:13Yeah?
00:14:14Yeah.
00:14:14Oh, yeah.
00:14:15You're, like, trendy.
00:14:15You're, like, a celebrity, y'all.
00:14:17Yes, hair.
00:14:18Yeah, let me see the booty.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Let me see the booty.
00:14:20OK.
00:14:21It's good, right?
00:14:21Oh, yeah.
00:14:21It's like a basketball.
00:14:22Harder.
00:14:23Harder.
00:14:23Yeah, I like it.
00:14:24So many squats.
00:14:25It's great.
00:14:26I'm so happy to see you and bummed that Ben couldn't make it.
00:14:29I know.
00:14:29But, you know, it's to be expected.
00:14:37So I just like it, but I'm the way right now.
00:14:40Everybody?
00:14:41Yes.
00:14:41Yes.
00:14:42Yes.
00:14:42Hello?
00:14:43Hi.
00:14:43Hi.
00:14:44Hello.
00:14:45Excuse me.
00:14:45Hello?
00:14:46Hello?
00:14:46Hello?
00:14:47Oh, gosh.
00:14:48Sorry.
00:14:51I just wanted to say a really quick thank you so much to all of you
00:14:54for coming to celebrate Jack and I's 40th birthdays.
00:14:58And I know that some of you even left your babies for the very
00:15:02first time.
00:15:07So cheers to having a great night.
00:15:10Woo!
00:15:11Woo!
00:15:11Woo!
00:15:12Woo!
00:15:16Jack, do you want to say what you were going to say to
00:15:22everybody?
00:15:23You OK?
00:15:24Yeah.
00:15:25You're up, Jackie.
00:15:27It's funny with old friends.
00:15:29You can not see them for years, and then suddenly you're in the
00:15:32same room, and it's like no time's passed at all.
00:15:37I guess the opposite works, too.
00:15:39You could be with someone forever, and suddenly something
00:15:42happens, and it feels like you don't even know them.
00:15:46Like how you suddenly dress like Rod Stewart.
00:15:48Ooh.
00:15:49I love Rod Stewart.
00:15:50So anyway, I thought it might be a nice thing to go back before the
00:15:58times of Facebook and Instagram and have us all just be together.
00:16:02No distractions.
00:16:03Mm-hmm.
00:16:04Just like it used to be.
00:16:05Mm-hmm.
00:16:06Jill and I thought that before we get the party started, it might be a nice
00:16:14idea for everyone to surrender their phones for the night into this
00:16:20unplug box.
00:16:21Oh, OK.
00:16:22You can't be serious.
00:16:23I am.
00:16:24Fuck!
00:16:25No!
00:16:26I've actually heard of these parties before.
00:16:27Jackie, take it.
00:16:28So close.
00:16:30You're not taking my bloody phone.
00:16:33Yeah.
00:16:34I mean, I could get a work call.
00:16:35Yeah.
00:16:36No.
00:16:37This is my worst nightmare.
00:16:38Jillie, you agreed to this?
00:16:39I did, because guess what?
00:16:40It's only for one night.
00:16:41Thanks.
00:16:42And that's only a couple of hours if you think about it.
00:16:44So come on!
00:16:45Watch this.
00:16:46I'll show you how it's done.
00:16:47Here's the phone.
00:16:48This one's mine.
00:16:49I'm just going to put it in the box.
00:16:50Just like that.
00:16:51Bada bing, bada boom.
00:16:52Jill, show them how it's done.
00:16:53Um, one second.
00:16:54Guys, do you want to take a selfie?
00:16:55Can I?
00:16:56Just before we do it.
00:16:57Oh, yeah, let's do it quickly.
00:16:58Just can we get in?
00:16:59Oh, I have it now.
00:17:00Hey!
00:17:01Good job.
00:17:02You can do it.
00:17:03You can do it.
00:17:03Is that your top secret government phone?
00:17:05Uh, no, that is my personal.
00:17:07I would never surrender my work phone.
00:17:08Plus, I don't have it.
00:17:09Oh, shall we have your full attention?
00:17:11Just one night.
00:17:12Goes right in the box.
00:17:13No one's going to look at it.
00:17:14I promise.
00:17:15Bye, Bradbury.
00:17:17Wait, so the...
00:17:19No one is having any access to their phone
00:17:21for the entire night?
00:17:23That's the idea, Penelope.
00:17:25That's fine, Penelope.
00:17:26Oh, okay.
00:17:28Great.
00:17:29What if Lana needs something?
00:17:30And there's an emergency.
00:17:31You'll be fine.
00:17:32You'll be fine.
00:17:33It's just...
00:17:34Look, you promised me.
00:17:35Just put your phone in the box.
00:17:38Give it a try.
00:17:42I need to let Lana know, first of all.
00:17:44Yeah.
00:17:46Yeah.
00:17:47Okay.
00:17:48What is the way she...
00:17:49She got the text.
00:17:50Great point.
00:17:51How did I manage...
00:17:52Really?
00:17:53Okay.
00:17:54She got it.
00:17:55Great.
00:17:56Ah.
00:17:57Very good.
00:17:58And back over here.
00:17:59Oh, he's here.
00:18:01He's here.
00:18:02He's here.
00:18:03He's here.
00:18:04Hold on.
00:18:05Just going to erase a few dick pics.
00:18:06Any time this year.
00:18:07Now you are just showing off.
00:18:08All right.
00:18:10All right.
00:18:11Okay, I might need to get this back later on in case a client emails me or what.
00:18:23No work.
00:18:24Okay, you guys.
00:18:25It's not that easy.
00:18:26I have a fun job.
00:18:27All right.
00:18:28So I think that leaves just one more.
00:18:33Honey?
00:18:34Yes.
00:18:35Just one second.
00:18:36Everybody get in.
00:18:37Come on.
00:18:38Smile.
00:18:39Honey, honey, honey.
00:18:40Come on.
00:18:41One second.
00:18:42Cheese.
00:18:43Yes.
00:18:44You got it.
00:18:45Okay, great.
00:18:46Wait, wait, wait.
00:18:47Into the box you go.
00:18:48Wait.
00:18:49One more.
00:18:50One more.
00:18:51Last one.
00:18:52Boo.
00:18:53Okay.
00:18:54Perfect.
00:18:55Got your content.
00:18:56Yes.
00:18:57One second.
00:18:58Let me just post.
00:18:59Chill.
00:19:00I'm putting it up.
00:19:01This is the last one.
00:19:02Please put your phone in the box.
00:19:03And we are live.
00:19:05Out.
00:19:06And kiss it.
00:19:09Kiss it.
00:19:10I love you.
00:19:11I miss you too much.
00:19:12Okay.
00:19:13All right.
00:19:14So I'm going to put this one inside.
00:19:17And let's get this party started.
00:19:20Yeah.
00:19:21Right?
00:19:23Come on.
00:19:24Yeah.
00:19:25Okay.
00:19:26I hope you guys are hungry.
00:19:27No problem.
00:19:28No problem.
00:19:29I know.
00:19:30We're going to do it.
00:19:31One night.
00:19:32One night.
00:19:33One night.
00:19:44Everybody, as you may have noticed in our birthday invite, the mention of a special culinary adventure
00:19:53for this evening that I happen to plan all by myself.
00:19:56So, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to my new best friend, Chef Sasha, who will be running through the menu for this evening.
00:20:06Chef, please take it away.
00:20:11Oh.
00:20:12Hello, beautiful people.
00:20:15And welcome to what I'm sure is going to be a memorable evening.
00:20:20As Jack mentioned, I am a chef who has won multiple awards in cannabis-infused fine dining.
00:20:27We're getting high.
00:20:28This party just got good.
00:20:29I am definitely going to get paranoid.
00:20:32Tonight isn't just about getting you super high.
00:20:34Anyone can do that.
00:20:35Tonight is about the food.
00:20:37I am a food-centric chef with accents of cannabis.
00:20:40It's all portion-controlled magic for a four-course journey.
00:20:44The end of which, hopefully, you will be super high.
00:20:47Wow.
00:20:48Yes.
00:20:49All right.
00:20:50Well, let's kick it off with an amuse-bouche.
00:20:52Jack is holding...
00:20:53Please, what is this?
00:20:54A game show.
00:20:55Tempura cannabis leaves with one milligram of THC per serving from the sativa-dominant strain squirt juice.
00:21:02Did that this morning.
00:21:03This should leave you feeling relaxed, focused, and euphoric.
00:21:07And who couldn't use a little more euphoria?
00:21:09Am I right?
00:21:10I know I could.
00:21:11Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go set some intentions and cook the fuck out of some weed.
00:21:16Yes.
00:21:17All right.
00:21:18Thank you, Sasha.
00:21:19It's Chef Sasha.
00:21:20Oh, right.
00:21:21Sorry.
00:21:28Oh, all right.
00:21:29Yeah.
00:21:30Pass those out before they get cold.
00:21:32All right.
00:21:33Let's dig in.
00:21:34Oh.
00:21:35I get tested for work.
00:21:36Oh.
00:21:37It leaves your system in 36 hours, so I've been told.
00:21:39Oh, thank you, Jill and Jack.
00:21:42I haven't eaten up hot since high school.
00:21:44You lie.
00:21:45That's true.
00:21:46That's the basis of our friendship.
00:21:47That's true.
00:21:48How much of this should I eat?
00:21:50How much do you want?
00:21:52You're eating all of it.
00:21:53Mmm.
00:21:54Well, well, well.
00:21:55Surprise, surprise.
00:21:56Surprise, surprise.
00:21:57Surprise, surprise.
00:21:58Surprise, surprise.
00:21:59Oh, Jack, Jack, you son of a bitch.
00:22:04Any water?
00:22:05Oh, thanks.
00:22:06I don't have to pump and dump.
00:22:07Why are you going to do that anyway if you drink?
00:22:08I'm not drinking.
00:22:09Cheers.
00:22:10Cheers, my darling.
00:22:11Happy birthday.
00:22:12Happy birthday.
00:22:13Happy birthday.
00:22:14Happy birthday.
00:22:15No.
00:22:16Bye.
00:22:17Bye.
00:22:18Bye.
00:22:19Happy birthday
00:22:49To the plus ones
00:22:53The plus ones
00:22:55And long may we continue to be frankly the best part of evil
00:22:59I've been awful for our bodies
00:23:01I have missed you
00:23:03I've missed you
00:23:05I'm very glad you're doing better
00:23:09Thank you, me too
00:23:11It's been a...
00:23:13It's been a long road
00:23:15So how's teaching?
00:23:17Oh, I didn't tell you, I quit
00:23:19That's huge
00:23:21I've never been happier
00:23:23No, really, it's like I'm finally living my life the way I was always supposed to
00:23:29I hope you've slowed down a bit
00:23:31I'm not doing those terrible 80-hour weeks still
00:23:34Oh no, I'm definitely doing those terrible 80-hour weeks
00:23:37But you know me, I love it
00:23:39What about you, are you back at work?
00:23:41I'm just doing a little bit of consulting for some old UK clients
00:23:45It's funny, my job was such a massive part of who I am
00:23:49And now I just...
00:23:51I don't know, I'm so tied to the little sausage
00:23:54I...
00:23:55I can't bear leaving him
00:23:58Other people's kids, they suck
00:24:00They suck, kids are the worst
00:24:01They're little shits, you know
00:24:02Oh, little shits
00:24:03They're grubby little hands
00:24:04Throw them in the garbage
00:24:05And they're grubby little minds
00:24:06Yeah
00:24:07I never thought this podcast was gonna take off
00:24:10I was just doing it for fun
00:24:12But now, people are actually stopping me on the street and asking me for advice
00:24:16Yes!
00:24:17It's like I'm actually connecting with people and they're listening to what I'm saying
00:24:24Oh, I'm sorry, what were you saying?
00:24:25Oh, Damien, stop!
00:24:27You at least look like you've got your shit together
00:24:29Don't we all?
00:24:30Ow!
00:24:31Oh!
00:24:32You got the knee of the...
00:24:33No, you did
00:24:34No
00:24:35You got the knee of the...
00:24:36Yeah, no
00:24:42That episode all about your balls jacksack
00:24:45That shit is hilarious
00:24:47I shared it with the entire neurological department
00:24:49Well, yeah, big hospital
00:24:51Yeah
00:24:52Huge
00:24:53I'm glad they enjoyed it
00:24:55She must be making so much money by now, right?
00:24:58If you can quit that teaching job of yours
00:25:01I don't really want to quit
00:25:03I love teaching
00:25:04I'm just saying
00:25:05You could stay at home with a baby
00:25:07Get a gym, get super ripped
00:25:09And be like a...
00:25:11DILF
00:25:14What's your poison these days?
00:25:16Um...
00:25:17Tequila works
00:25:18Really?
00:25:19Yeah
00:25:20I vaguely remember someone throwing it off after our gig in Lawrence
00:25:25Yeah, well, that's because those country-ass margaritas gave me acid reflux and then I couldn't sing
00:25:30I don't have to worry about that anymore, so...
00:25:35I'm glad it all worked out for you, Bob
00:25:37Yeah, I'm thriving
00:25:39That little bundle of joy has hijacked my wife's libido, but tonight...
00:25:45I'm taking that back Liam Neeson style, because tonight...
00:25:50There's no baby around to fuck things up
00:25:55I think you might be...
00:25:57Good with the chalk
00:25:58Total friends
00:26:01Is that what we are?
00:26:03I hope so
00:26:06It's a friendship
00:26:07Uh huh
00:26:08It's a friendship
00:26:09Uh huh
00:26:10We're turning the corner, turning the page
00:26:13And every single second with you feels like a party to me
00:26:16Get in, honey
00:26:17Get in, babe
00:26:18Get in!
00:26:19Bye!
00:26:20Bye!
00:26:21Bye!
00:26:22Bye!
00:26:23Bye!
00:26:24Bye!
00:26:25Bye!
00:26:26Bye!
00:26:27Bye!
00:26:28Bye!
00:26:29Bye!
00:26:30Bye!
00:26:31Bye!
00:26:32Bye!
00:26:34Bye!
00:26:35Bye!
00:26:36Bye!
00:26:37Bye!
00:26:38Bye!
00:26:39Bye!
00:26:40Bye!
00:26:41Bye!
00:26:42My God!
00:26:44Be oh, my God!
00:26:45I don't limit the boardjack in my mouth
00:26:46They're just like, can you in my mouth?
00:26:47Can you in my mouth?
00:26:48Can you pack some?
00:26:51Oh, my God!
00:26:52No, nobody puts jack in the corner!
00:26:58Dinner is served!
00:27:00how's everyone feeling so far i mean great you know i'm not feeling anything fun really
00:27:16i'm fine good we're working on a gradual high here to ensure that everyone has an enjoyable ride
00:27:22i'd like to provide you an enjoyable ride you'll see two dishes in front of you first
00:27:27our sofrito tartelette with tonado that's coming in at five milligrams of thc and on the larger plate
00:27:34you'll see our poached halibut with leek vinaigrette that is coming in at 20 milligrams of thc both use
00:27:41the sativa dominant strain called thug pussy to keep you feeling energized and aroused oh and to
00:27:48my vegan brother blessings in front of you you'll see the vegan risotto with forest mushrooms and black
00:27:54truffle oil also 20 milligrams of thc and will get you feeling aroused thank you so much this looks
00:28:02so awesome thanks chef sasha chef sasha wait i got it one more i got it thank you chef sasha
00:28:12i did it it happens you're not having a stroke but definitely don't think about having a stroke
00:28:18you taste pennies enjoy enjoy enjoy okay this looks delicious it does i wish i could take a picture
00:28:31and post it take one with your mind did she say 20 milligrams because that sounds like a lot
00:28:39it is a lot i think that's a totally normal amount right can we eat or yes yes of course bon appetit
00:28:47yes
00:28:57so
00:30:04That's so sweet, Mo.
00:30:05You guys have always been so solid, like, since college.
00:30:08It just feels like you figured it out early.
00:30:10I mean, Jack definitely figured it out early.
00:30:12Remember?
00:30:13He had that whole spreadsheet of why Jill should date him, like, scientifically.
00:30:16I'll help you with that.
00:30:17I thought that was sexy.
00:30:18I knew what I wanted.
00:30:19I loved it.
00:30:20Deeply unsexy.
00:30:21You know, it obviously worked because now you're this beautiful, perfect couple who always, you know, puts the other person first.
00:30:36Now, your love and support is truly inspiring.
00:30:43We love you and, you know, we want your continued success in all things, in teaching, in your incredibly timely podcast, your journey to parenthood, Jack's pants and shirt combo.
00:30:58Yeah.
00:30:59I mean.
00:31:00We just want whatever it's trying to say.
00:31:02I hope it gets to speak its truth.
00:31:04Speaks to me.
00:31:05Anyway, we love it.
00:31:07We love all of it and all of you.
00:31:09So happy birthday and I am done.
00:31:11Thank you, Jill.
00:31:12I love you.
00:31:13I love you.
00:31:14I love you.
00:31:15I love you.
00:31:16I love you.
00:31:17I love you.
00:31:18I love you.
00:31:19I love you.
00:31:20I love you.
00:31:21I love you all so, so much.
00:31:25I'm sorry.
00:31:26And I just want to thank each and every one of you for being here celebrating our 40th birthday.
00:31:31It means the world to me.
00:31:33I love you all.
00:31:34You're so well with me.
00:31:36How much higher are we going to get?
00:31:39Not high enough, buddy.
00:31:41My fingers are tingling.
00:31:44I'm sorry, Jill.
00:31:47Why don't we find the bathroom?
00:31:49One more time?
00:31:50The bathroom.
00:31:51The bathroom.
00:31:52Oh.
00:31:53Oh.
00:31:54I know.
00:31:55It's upstairs.
00:31:56It's upstairs.
00:31:57But there is one downstairs.
00:31:58But there's a powder room.
00:31:59Does she need to shower?
00:32:00But there is one downstairs.
00:32:01Do you need to take a shower?
00:32:02So you have to go upstairs.
00:32:03You have to go upstairs if you have to shower.
00:32:04But if it's just the powder room.
00:32:05But if it's the powder room, it's to the left.
00:32:06She's pooping.
00:32:07Go find her.
00:32:10Do you want me to come with you?
00:32:12To the loop?
00:32:13Yeah.
00:32:14Why?
00:32:15Well, maybe I could help.
00:32:17With what?
00:32:19No.
00:32:20No.
00:32:21Do you want me to do it?
00:32:23It's so good.
00:32:24Oh, there's this designer.
00:32:25Oh, my God.
00:32:26Oh, my God.
00:32:30I got it.
00:32:31You got it.
00:32:34I'm ready.
00:33:04I'm ready.
00:33:34Hi!
00:33:35Can you hear me?
00:33:36Hi!
00:33:37How's Rocco?
00:33:38Is he okay?
00:33:39He didn't.
00:33:41He drank it all.
00:33:43That's fantastic.
00:33:44Oh, well done.
00:33:46Aw.
00:33:47Aw.
00:33:49Aw.
00:33:50Aw.
00:33:51Lana, will you remember to keep checking the monitor just in case he gets unswaddled while
00:33:56he's sleeping?
00:33:57The swaddle?
00:33:59Swaddle?
00:34:00Yeah.
00:34:01The...
00:34:02It just...
00:34:03It happened to me the other night.
00:34:04Oh my God.
00:34:06I know it's so not cool to do at the birthday party.
00:34:10I'm so sorry.
00:34:11I have to, okay?
00:34:12We'll be...
00:34:13We'll be back first thing.
00:34:14Um, at seven?
00:34:15Maybe six.
00:34:16Let's say six.
00:34:17We'll be back by six.
00:34:18Yeah.
00:34:19Okay, have a great night, Lana.
00:34:21I will.
00:34:23Thank you so much.
00:34:24Okay, love you.
00:34:25I do.
00:34:26I will.
00:34:28Thank you so much.
00:34:29Okay, love you.
00:34:30Well, I do.
00:34:31Um, okay.
00:34:32Thank you, Lana.
00:34:34Bye.
00:34:35Bye.
00:34:36Yeah.
00:34:37Bye.
00:34:39John, I...
00:34:42I am madly in love with you.
00:34:47I'm so...
00:34:48I've been in love with you for ten years and I...
00:34:51I just want to continue loving you forever.
00:34:53I've had this stupid fucking ring in my pocket.
00:34:55Oh my God.
00:34:56Hey.
00:35:23I've been like...
00:35:28Like trying to find the courage to just ask you to spend your life with me.
00:35:33And just make me the happiest human.
00:35:36There's a missile!
00:35:37There's a missile!
00:35:38It's coming to California.
00:35:39And we need to find shelter!
00:35:40Okay.
00:35:41Phenelope's cut off.
00:35:42We've all got the same text.
00:35:43Ballistic missile threat.
00:35:44Seek immediate shelter.
00:35:45That's probably just a drill.
00:35:46This is not a drill.
00:35:47That is the last line.
00:35:48Hold on.
00:35:49Hold on.
00:35:50Hold on.
00:35:51Wait.
00:35:52You got your phone?
00:35:53Yeah.
00:35:54I was checking on Rocco and I got text.
00:35:55How did you find the box?
00:35:56What?
00:35:57How did you find the box?
00:35:58How did you find the box?
00:35:59I hid it.
00:36:00It wasn't that hard.
00:36:01Why aren't you freaking the fuck out?
00:36:02We all got the same text!
00:36:03Fuck!
00:36:04Fuck!
00:36:05What is it?
00:36:06Liz?
00:36:07Oh my God, I'm freaking the fuck out.
00:36:08Holy shit!
00:36:09Yeah, did you?
00:36:10Oh my God, what do we do?
00:36:11Okay, let me call a friend.
00:36:12Try your folks.
00:36:13Okay.
00:36:14Not since I got this.
00:36:15I'll text you.
00:36:16I've been having...
00:36:17How much time do we have?
00:36:18Does anyone know?
00:36:19Shouldn't we...
00:36:20I was waiting on Rocco and I got the same text?
00:36:21How did you find the box?
00:36:22How did you find the box?
00:36:23I hit it.
00:36:24It wasn't that hard.
00:36:25Why aren't you freaking the fuck out?
00:36:26We all got the same text!
00:36:27Fuck!
00:36:28Fuck!
00:36:29Does anyone know?
00:36:30Shouldn't we be going somewhere with less windows?
00:36:32Is anybody getting through?
00:36:33No!
00:36:34I did not survive cancer to go down like this.
00:36:36Look, I think he's just getting a busy signal.
00:36:38Me too!
00:36:39The lines must be jammed.
00:36:40Okay, I just got a text from Ben.
00:36:41This could be happening any minute, so we need to seek immediate shelter.
00:36:44What shelter should we be seeking?
00:36:45There's a basement!
00:36:46Great, let's all go to the basement.
00:36:47Okay.
00:36:50Should I know where that is?
00:36:51No, I know!
00:36:52Lead the way!
00:36:53I can do that!
00:36:54Okay, come on!
00:36:55Shut up here!
00:36:56Wait!
00:36:57Wait!
00:36:58Wait!
00:36:59Wait!
00:37:00Wait!
00:37:01Wait!
00:37:02Wait!
00:37:03Wait!
00:37:04Wait!
00:37:05Hurry up!
00:37:06Fuck's sake!
00:37:07I can't go any faster!
00:37:08Move the shaft!
00:37:09Ow!
00:37:10Ow!
00:37:11Ow!
00:37:12Shit!
00:37:13You okay, buddy?
00:37:14That's my ankle!
00:37:15That's my ankle!
00:37:16What happened?
00:37:17Tony!
00:37:18You got it!
00:37:19It's such a Undertale!
00:37:22Are you okay?
00:37:23Go!
00:37:24Go!
00:37:25Go!
00:37:26Go!
00:37:27Go!
00:37:28Stay!
00:37:29I'm sorry!
00:37:30I'm sorry!
00:37:31I'm sorry!
00:37:32I'm sorry!
00:37:33I can't do it!
00:37:34I'm sorry!
00:37:35No!
00:37:36No!
00:37:37Why?!
00:37:38Yeah.
00:37:38Yeah.
00:37:40Oh my god.
00:37:42Come on!
00:37:43Oh my god.
00:37:44Come on!
00:37:46Oh my god!
00:37:47Come on.
00:37:48Get out of there!
00:37:50Get out of there!
00:37:50Get out of there!
00:37:52Come on.
00:37:53Come on!
00:37:54Come on.
00:37:54Come on.
00:37:56Hurry!
00:38:00Are we all here?
00:38:01Yes.
00:38:02Hey!
00:38:03Hey!
00:38:04Go!
00:38:04Shit!
00:38:05Sorry.
00:38:06Go, go, go, go, go.
00:38:07Guys, guys, look, I don't think we need to be in the glass-filled room.
00:38:10Let's just go to the room.
00:38:11Okay.
00:38:12Guys, over here.
00:38:13I was just about to come get you.
00:38:15Come on, come on.
00:38:17Mo, Mo, Mo, Mo, do you think you can get a hold of any of your government contacts to get some more information?
00:38:22Who sent the bomb?
00:38:23How many bombs are there?
00:38:24Does the U.S. have all of our lines of defense?
00:38:26Yeah, so I'm trying to reach my friend who works in the Pentagon, but shit.
00:38:29What?
00:38:30There's no service down here.
00:38:31Oh, God.
00:38:32No, I'm not getting anything, anything.
00:38:34What the fucking fuck is there?
00:38:35Why are you fine?
00:38:36Well, circuits can get jammed with everyone trying to communicate at once.
00:38:38What the fuck is happening?
00:38:40This is a fucking apocalypse.
00:38:42Should we go upstairs?
00:38:43No, absolutely not.
00:38:44We are much safer in the basement.
00:38:45And I mean, depending on the size and location of the missile, it...
00:38:48Who would bomb us?
00:38:50Really?
00:38:50Oh, my God.
00:38:51I know so many people who would bomb us.
00:38:52Oh, my God.
00:38:53The thing is, we don't know who launched it.
00:38:55It could be China, Russia, fucking North Korea.
00:38:58And we don't know what they launched.
00:38:59It might be a hypersonic missile, which can travel at 20 times the speed of sound.
00:39:02Or a supersonic missile, which can usually evade all of our touch.
00:39:06There are different types of defense missile systems and different types of radar.
00:39:09The point is, there's a lot of different types of fucking missiles.
00:39:10So we may not even be able to detect the bomb.
00:39:13Missile.
00:39:14It's a missile.
00:39:14I said missile like 40 times.
00:39:16Yes.
00:39:16And what we really need to worry about is after.
00:39:18There could be nuclear fallout, which is why I think we need to stay indoors for at least
00:39:2224 hours.
00:39:2424 hours?
00:39:2524 hours?
00:39:25At least, can you all sit the fuck down, please?
00:39:29I'm sorry.
00:39:29It's just a lie.
00:39:31Probably 48 when the missile strikes.
00:39:35And what is the probability of that?
00:39:37I don't know.
00:39:38Oh, God.
00:39:38We're going to have to wear those masks again.
00:39:40Can't we even live?
00:39:41Why don't we all just try to stay positive, right?
00:39:44You know, because thinking about the worst problem down here, that's not going to do anything,
00:39:47right?
00:39:48Uh, it's a fucking bomb, Jill.
00:39:50I fucking know, Sam.
00:39:52Just tried to stay positive about the motherfucking bomb, Sam.
00:39:55Missile.
00:39:55Mo, Mo, Mo.
00:39:57Yeah.
00:39:57Listen, what's the likelihood that we'll be able to stop whatever missile's coming towards
00:40:00us?
00:40:01Um.
00:40:01That's what you analyze, right?
00:40:03Well, sort of.
00:40:03I analyze foreign weapons development, really, but the likelihood depends on a lot of different
00:40:08variables and factors.
00:40:09Okay.
00:40:10Okay.
00:40:10Rough estimate.
00:40:11Factoring in the factors and the variables.
00:40:13In your professional opinion, is this the beginning of World War III?
00:40:16Yeah.
00:40:16Or are we going to be able to stop the invisible missile that's headed straight for us?
00:40:19And it all is going to be like a misunderstanding.
00:40:21So it's a little tough to gauge.
00:40:23Okay.
00:40:24Okay.
00:40:24So you're saying it's pretty bad.
00:40:25Just leave her alone, Jack.
00:40:26Jack, our U.S. defense systems have the potential to protect its citizens against a nuclear attack.
00:40:31Has the potential.
00:40:33Ah, yes.
00:40:33Do they, though?
00:40:34Yes.
00:40:34Theoretically, I mean, in theory, everything's a theory.
00:40:37What about hypersonics?
00:40:39We don't spend enough on defense.
00:40:40We don't invest in military advancements.
00:40:42What the fuck are you talking about?
00:40:43We do spend money on defense.
00:40:44We need to spend more money on education.
00:40:46That has nothing to do with right now, Jack.
00:40:49Everything is connected, Eshawn.
00:40:51I can't breathe.
00:40:53I can't breathe.
00:40:55Honey, I can't breathe.
00:40:56Maybe?
00:40:57What's going on?
00:40:57I don't know.
00:40:57Oh, my God.
00:40:59I don't know.
00:40:59Oh, my God.
00:41:00I'm really dizzy.
00:41:01Oh, my God.
00:41:02I can't breathe.
00:41:03And my chest is hurting.
00:41:04Hey.
00:41:04Hey.
00:41:04Hey.
00:41:05Just have to go on your chest.
00:41:06I am.
00:41:06I am.
00:41:07She is.
00:41:08Okay, what's wrong?
00:41:10What's wrong?
00:41:10What's wrong?
00:41:11Does it feel like you're underwater?
00:41:12Hell yeah.
00:41:13Is there any pain radiating from your left jaw, left shoulder, left arm?
00:41:17Left?
00:41:17Yes.
00:41:18Is that my left?
00:41:19Yes.
00:41:19No, no.
00:41:20That feels fine.
00:41:20Okay, okay, okay.
00:41:21Nothing on your left side.
00:41:22Nothing on my left side.
00:41:23Okay, okay, okay.
00:41:24Take some deep breaths with me, okay?
00:41:26Okay.
00:41:26Deep breath in.
00:41:27Deep breath out.
00:41:30Deep breath in.
00:41:35Feeling better?
00:41:37Yeah, a little.
00:41:38Okay.
00:41:38It's okay.
00:41:40She's having a panic attack.
00:41:41Okay?
00:41:42I have those all the time.
00:41:43She's fine.
00:41:44I'm fine?
00:41:46Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:41:46You're fine.
00:41:47You're going to be okay.
00:41:49Look at her.
00:41:50Jack, do me a favor.
00:41:51Put your hand on her chest.
00:41:53Yes, that hand.
00:41:54Put the hand on my chest.
00:41:55Yes.
00:41:56So you can help calm her down.
00:41:57Yeah.
00:41:58Give your body some time to adjust.
00:42:00You'll be fine.
00:42:02You're welcome.
00:42:03Jack, stay put.
00:42:03Just breathe.
00:42:05Where would I go?
00:42:06Don't leave.
00:42:07I think that we need to just stay positive down here in the bomb shelter.
00:42:12I need some fucking Wi-Fi so I can make sure my baby's okay.
00:42:15Ben, there's no Wi-Fi anywhere down here, all right?
00:42:16Ben, stay put.
00:42:17I texted Lana before we came down here to stay in the basement.
00:42:20Yes, I know.
00:42:21Sam, I just really think we need to be with Marco right now.
00:42:24He's three hours away and there's a bomb.
00:42:29I never should have left 20 years ago.
00:42:51What?
00:42:51I should have stayed with you.
00:42:55Built a life with you.
00:42:59Logan.
00:43:00It just sucks that I'm now realizing this.
00:43:06I shouldn't have pissed about so much.
00:43:08I wasted so much time.
00:43:14I was so freckless to my career.
00:43:17I let all this time just slip by.
00:43:19If I got my shit together sooner,
00:43:21I would have met Ben sooner.
00:43:29Could have had at least
00:43:30three more kids.
00:43:33Jesus Christ, shut up.
00:43:36I always wanted a big family.
00:43:38I always envisioned myself surrounded by
00:43:42a gaggle of kids.
00:43:45I would have taken just one if Jill would have been on board.
00:43:49What?
00:43:50What are you talking about?
00:43:54I found your birth control pills.
00:43:56Can we please not do this
00:44:01in front of all of our friends?
00:44:02Oh, yeah.
00:44:04We should wait till after
00:44:05if we're incinerated by a nuclear explosion.
00:44:08Jack.
00:44:09See, I've been trying to figure out.
00:44:10Why would you do this?
00:44:11So why would you do that?
00:44:12I don't know.
00:44:12I was going to tell you.
00:44:14Oh, yeah?
00:44:14You were going to tell me?
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:16So what?
00:44:16Now you don't want to have a kid?
00:44:17Is that what's happening?
00:44:19I don't know.
00:44:21What the fuck?
00:44:22Why wouldn't you tell me?
00:44:24Huh?
00:44:25Why wouldn't you tell me that?
00:44:26I don't know.
00:44:27I...
00:44:28Well, at least I didn't have to find out on the podcast.
00:44:32Okay, that's not fair, Jack.
00:44:34Oh, it's not fair?
00:44:35No?
00:44:36Hmm.
00:44:36So you air out all of our shit
00:44:37in front of all of your millions of followers
00:44:39who are basically strangers,
00:44:41yet you don't tell me the person that you live with.
00:44:44You lie to me.
00:44:46That's not fair.
00:44:47Do you want to know what else isn't fair, Jack?
00:44:49When your husband puts expectations on you
00:44:52and doesn't listen to you
00:44:54and makes a huge decision for the both of us
00:45:00and doesn't see what I really wanted.
00:45:03That is what's not fair, Jack.
00:45:04I did not see what you wanted.
00:45:07I'm sorry that I did not trust the words
00:45:09that were coming out of your mouth.
00:45:11I didn't realize that when you said
00:45:13that you wanted to have a baby with me,
00:45:14what you really meant was that you wanted to talk
00:45:16about having a baby on your stupid fucking podcast.
00:45:20That is so fucked up, you asshole.
00:45:24That stupid fucking podcast is what's paid for tonight
00:45:28and pays your cell phone bills.
00:45:31First of all, it is a family plan, okay?
00:45:33It just makes sense.
00:45:34Second of all, tonight, you want to just take it all back?
00:45:38You can start with these fucking leather pants.
00:45:40Here, I don't want these fucking leather.
00:45:41You know what, Jack?
00:45:43Maybe if you actually listened to my podcast,
00:45:45you would see why it's so successful.
00:45:47I mean, why do you even want a kid?
00:45:50Are you going to pick him up from soccer practice
00:45:53high out of your fucking mind?
00:45:54Mo and I hooked up with the Dulltopia party in 2001!
00:45:57What?
00:45:58What?
00:45:59Sam?
00:45:59What?
00:46:00What do you mean, hooked up?
00:46:04We got together.
00:46:06Okay, so in my defense, I was very drunk.
00:46:09He could have been anybody.
00:46:11That's fucked.
00:46:12So you had sex with Mo and you didn't tell me?
00:46:15Oh, my God.
00:46:17You dodgy fucker.
00:46:20Well, I wasn't going to mention this because,
00:46:23well, I didn't think you could handle it,
00:46:24but fuck it.
00:46:27I had sex with him.
00:46:30What?
00:46:31Oh, my God!
00:46:33Oh, me?
00:46:35Hi.
00:46:37Yeah.
00:46:38It was in, um, in London.
00:46:40Um, the...
00:46:41You were playing with the jinx at the half moon in, like, 2010.
00:46:482010, huh?
00:46:51Oh, yeah.
00:46:54Yeah!
00:46:55Oh, hey, how are you doing?
00:46:57I didn't recognize you with the...
00:46:59I know.
00:47:00Yeah, I was, um, well, I'm thinner now.
00:47:02Yeah.
00:47:03What a small world.
00:47:05How you been?
00:47:06I've been good.
00:47:07Yeah, I've been really good.
00:47:08Well, I didn't recognize you.
00:47:09I was going to know him.
00:47:10Yeah.
00:47:11Um, but you changed your hair.
00:47:13Uh, yeah.
00:47:14I had a, um, a blonde mohawk.
00:47:16Yes, you did.
00:47:17I remember very well.
00:47:18And it would not budge even after...
00:47:21Yeah.
00:47:21Yeah, it was crazy.
00:47:23Yeah.
00:47:23It was really, really...
00:47:25It was really crazy.
00:47:26How could you fuck him?
00:47:30I knew he couldn't handle it.
00:47:31That's disgusting.
00:47:33Hey.
00:47:34What didn't you tell me?
00:47:35Well, I didn't tell you, Sam.
00:47:37Because I didn't know you knew him.
00:47:39I have been on holiday with Mo.
00:47:41You should have told me.
00:47:42Shut up!
00:47:44Who cares?
00:47:46Straight people!
00:47:47Oh, my God, you're so fucking dysfunctional.
00:47:50It's like bad reality TV.
00:47:52We make good reality TV.
00:47:54We make drag race and bake-offs,
00:47:57and you make Milf Manor!
00:47:59I'm sorry.
00:48:00I'm sorry.
00:48:01Okay.
00:48:02I'm sorry.
00:48:02We should just keep this light and breezy.
00:48:05Yeah, that's a good call.
00:48:06That's a good call.
00:48:07Okay.
00:48:08Let's go around the room and just say, then,
00:48:11what we're grateful for.
00:48:14That's a good idea.
00:48:15Good idea.
00:48:16Let's do that.
00:48:17Why don't you start, Ish?
00:48:18What?
00:48:18Why don't you start?
00:48:22Um...
00:48:22I'm grateful for...
00:48:26Wow, what was I saying?
00:48:34What you're grateful for?
00:48:35Oh, my God.
00:48:36Oh, my God.
00:48:37I'm so high.
00:48:38I am...
00:48:38I am...
00:48:40I'm grateful for...
00:48:42my family.
00:48:45For the strength that I didn't know I had.
00:48:52That I found with the help of the love of my life, Damien.
00:48:59You're my everything.
00:49:02You make me a better person.
00:49:04You make me laugh every single day.
00:49:06That's very sweet.
00:49:09It's true.
00:49:11I'm grateful for...
00:49:13my brother and my mother and...
00:49:17and my chosen family.
00:49:19My...
00:49:20Brussels Griffon, Sebastian.
00:49:22It's a fucking...
00:49:24It's a fucking...
00:49:24It's a fucking...
00:49:25It's a fucking much.
00:49:29It's a fucking dog.
00:49:30It was my dog.
00:49:34And you're fucking...
00:49:34You and you.
00:49:36You're my soulmate.
00:49:37I love you so much.
00:49:38You're my best friend.
00:49:43I almost got to marry you.
00:49:46Almost.
00:49:47Maybe if we don't get blown up.
00:49:54Wow.
00:49:56Okay.
00:49:59You're up, Jack.
00:50:00What am I thankful for?
00:50:04I'm...
00:50:05I'm thankful for how things used to be.
00:50:09I had to spend half of my life for the person who I thought I knew more than anyone else in the world.
00:50:13I miss that.
00:50:20I'm thankful for that life, too, Jack.
00:50:26And I feel really lucky that I got to live such a wonderful life with you.
00:50:32That was really touching.
00:50:36Okay, who's next?
00:50:37I am grateful for my son.
00:50:39I'll never forgive myself for abandoning him.
00:50:47I look at our son, and I can't believe we created that life together.
00:50:52We did that.
00:50:55He's perfect.
00:50:56He's...
00:50:57That's an unbiased fact.
00:51:00His little hands, his little toes.
00:51:02He's...
00:51:03All perfect.
00:51:06You're an incredible mother.
00:51:13Okay, I can go.
00:51:15Um...
00:51:16I am grateful for my family, my friends, and the work that I do.
00:51:22It's truly meant so much to me to know that I'm making a difference.
00:51:31And I'm really grateful for all of the moments I've had with every one of you.
00:51:37Truly grateful.
00:51:39I'm grateful that my band kicked me out.
00:51:42Wait, what?
00:51:43Yeah.
00:51:44Had been a few weeks ago, but, um...
00:51:47It's been brewing for a long time.
00:51:48What happened?
00:51:49Creative differences.
00:51:52I was writing new material, and...
00:51:55They wanted to keep playing the same old shit.
00:52:00I'm so sorry.
00:52:05It's cool.
00:52:07Really, it's cool.
00:52:09I mean...
00:52:10At first I freaked out, because I thought, is this my only identity?
00:52:14And...
00:52:15But then it...
00:52:17It granted my freedom.
00:52:20This exercise really worked.
00:52:22Yeah.
00:52:23Yeah.
00:52:25I feel like I'm awake after 20 fucking years, you know?
00:52:29All this music in my head...
00:52:31Sing something.
00:52:33I drove all night
00:52:38Trying to hold what ain't right
00:52:44I know the answer, should I call you?
00:52:48It's all yours.
00:53:10I still love that song.
00:53:15I wrote a good one.
00:53:16Are we leaving?
00:53:34No.
00:53:36Where were we going?
00:53:37Shh, shh, shh.
00:53:39Oh, Bingo.
00:53:40No.
00:53:45Hey, Ben, Ben, Ben.
00:53:46Yes?
00:53:47They have the same vase as us.
00:53:48What?
00:53:49They have the same vase as us.
00:53:50Look.
00:53:53Is that why you brought me in here?
00:53:55No.
00:53:56No.
00:53:56Okay.
00:53:56No, I brought you in here.
00:53:58To get you alone.
00:53:59To tell you just how beautiful you are.
00:54:04Sam, I don't feel very beautiful.
00:54:06Well, you are.
00:54:07You're stunning.
00:54:09Oh, sorry.
00:54:10Oh.
00:54:10Sorry.
00:54:11Oh.
00:54:12Sorry.
00:54:13Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:14Sam, what are you doing?
00:54:15Fuck, I thought I'd just seize the moment.
00:54:19I'm scared to have a baby.
00:54:23I mean, I'm scared of my whole life
00:54:26just stopping and becoming all about the baby.
00:54:30And I am not ready for that to happen right now.
00:54:33I'm scared, too.
00:54:35You are?
00:54:35Yeah, everyone's scared.
00:54:38I mean, I don't even know if I would be a good mom.
00:54:43Right now, I love spending my time at work
00:54:45and on the podcast,
00:54:48and I'm really, really good at it.
00:54:52And it makes me really happy.
00:54:54I don't want to resent you
00:54:58for having to give that up
00:55:01because then I really wouldn't be a good mom.
00:55:07I'd be a great mom.
00:55:17But I think that somebody who wants to be a mom
00:55:23should really, really want that.
00:55:28I haven't slept,
00:55:30and everything is still fucking sore.
00:55:34I don't feel like myself.
00:55:35I feel fucking gross.
00:55:38Okay?
00:55:38I'm not in my body.
00:55:44It's like it still belongs to Rocco.
00:55:47I just wish I was with him.
00:55:49That's all I can think about.
00:55:50Me too.
00:55:51100%.
00:55:52It's just given the circumstances,
00:55:55I thought we'd finally be able
00:55:56to have a little sexy sex.
00:55:58What kind of person wants to have sex
00:56:00at a time like this?
00:56:01Doesn't it bother you how long it's been?
00:56:14Honestly, Sam,
00:56:15I am so tired.
00:56:17I don't think about it.
00:56:19Well, you don't think about it.
00:56:20Well, that's a fucking problem, Pen.
00:56:23I guess it is a problem, Sam.
00:56:25What do you think?
00:56:26Yeah.
00:56:27Hypothetically,
00:56:28have we survived this?
00:56:29Will you ever be ready?
00:56:33I don't know.
00:56:40Is it me?
00:56:43I think everything happened so fast with us.
00:56:46We're going out,
00:56:48then pregnant,
00:56:49married,
00:56:49then a year and a half.
00:56:51I thought you wanted to get married.
00:56:53You wanted to get married.
00:56:55You were pregnant.
00:56:58Yeah.
00:56:59Is that the only reason we did it?
00:57:03No, it's not the only reason we did it.
00:57:07We did it because we love each other.
00:57:13Do you love me?
00:57:14You are the father of my son.
00:57:24Of course.
00:57:27I have love for you.
00:57:29You have love for me.
00:57:32Who says that?
00:57:34I love you.
00:57:39You don't love me?
00:57:40I just said I have love for you.
00:57:41I don't know what you want me to say, Sam.
00:57:43I don't want to hurt you.
00:57:45Sam, I'm sorry.
00:57:48Sorry.
00:57:53I'm sorry.
00:57:54But just one thing.
00:57:56Do you have any idea
00:57:59how many women I could have fucked?
00:58:02Excuse me?
00:58:05Doesn't.
00:58:06Maybe even in the 30s.
00:58:08I don't know, low to mid 30s,
00:58:09but definitely somewhere there.
00:58:10That's how many women jump at me
00:58:12all the fucking time, Ben.
00:58:14You want a fucking trophy?
00:58:15No, I don't want a fucking trophy.
00:58:16Then why are you telling me?
00:58:20Why are you telling me?
00:58:22Just to hurt me.
00:58:23How can I hurt you?
00:58:26Your fucking hardness!
00:58:34Fuck you.
00:58:41I miss you.
00:58:43I miss you too.
00:58:46So much.
00:58:46I try so hard to forget about you.
00:58:55I couldn't.
00:58:57You know?
00:58:59I just...
00:59:01I never felt anyone compared to you.
00:59:08I love you, Mom.
00:59:12I love you too.
00:59:13I love you.
00:59:16Should we go again?
00:59:25Yeah, we could do better.
00:59:26I think so.
00:59:37No, you have this whole other life,
00:59:38this whole other world,
00:59:39and I'm not a part of it.
00:59:41And look, I love that you're happy.
00:59:43I do.
00:59:43I love it.
00:59:45But I'm not.
00:59:47You're not.
00:59:49I don't want you to be in a happy Jack.
00:59:51I think maybe I wanted a baby
00:59:54and to start a family
00:59:57so I can get you back,
01:00:02spend more time with you.
01:00:04We already are a family, Jack.
01:00:06And we always will be.
01:00:15A baby didn't change that.
01:00:17No one was a man, Jack.
01:00:17I am not a man, Jack.
01:00:18And I learned more than you.
01:00:20I am not a man, Jack,
01:00:22and I keep living on Monday today.
01:00:22I am not a woman.
01:00:25I feel you're happy enough.
01:00:28I don't get her.
01:00:29I don't know you need to be in a library with you.
01:01:01What are you looking at?
01:01:04Is your marriage over?
01:01:12What?
01:01:31It feels like days.
01:01:37How much longer?
01:01:38God.
01:01:39Could be any minute, any second.
01:01:41This is awful.
01:01:41Just bomb us already.
01:01:43I keep thinking about the last few years.
01:01:47I went through a year of chemo, and then I went right back to work.
01:01:51You know, I made all these plans, and I don't know why I didn't do any of them.
01:01:57I was going to travel the world.
01:01:59With me?
01:02:04Of course.
01:02:05We should have planned a trip.
01:02:08I'm really sorry we never got married.
01:02:10You are?
01:02:16Yeah.
01:02:17I just...
01:02:19I think now that, you know, I'm on death's door, it's something that I really wanted all the time.
01:02:27And, you know, when I think about...
01:02:29When I picture our death, you know, like, I mean, obviously you die first.
01:02:37Obviously.
01:02:38Because you're very, very old.
01:02:42I'm seven months older than you.
01:02:44Seven months.
01:02:45You know, and I just saw us as married because, you know, it's...
01:02:50It's be the loyal, much younger, mournful husband that never left your side, you know?
01:02:56You know?
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:58That's sweet.
01:03:00And kind of morbid.
01:03:05I never knew it meant that much to you.
01:03:07I think it does.
01:03:09You should have done it.
01:03:12We should do it now.
01:03:15We should do it now.
01:03:17Now?
01:03:18Yes.
01:03:19Why not?
01:03:20What do we have to lose?
01:03:21Nothing, I guess.
01:03:24How do we do this?
01:03:25How do we do this now?
01:03:27I'm ordained.
01:03:28What?
01:03:29Yeah.
01:03:29I did it online last summer when our drummer, Julie, and our makeup artist got married in Costa Rica.
01:03:36That's amazing!
01:03:39Let's do it!
01:03:42Let's do it!
01:03:45Please stop.
01:04:13Bye.
01:04:28Welcome.
01:04:30We did it, guys.
01:04:33We're gathered here today for,
01:04:35well, actually for Jack and Jill's birthday.
01:04:39But then the bond tax happened.
01:04:43And we all rushed down here,
01:04:44and then other stuff happened.
01:04:50But now we're here celebrating the love
01:04:54of Damien and Eshaan.
01:04:57You guys ready?
01:04:59I'll keep it short, because time is of the essence.
01:05:02Damien, do you take Eshaan to be a wedded husband,
01:05:07to be your partner in life,
01:05:09to share a path of life with,
01:05:11equal in love,
01:05:12embraced as a mirror of your true self,
01:05:16to honor and cherish through good times and bad?
01:05:20I do.
01:05:24Great answer, buddy.
01:05:26That's where I just forgot this.
01:05:28Yeah. There it is.
01:05:30It fits.
01:05:33Eshaan.
01:05:34Huh?
01:05:34That's a good question.
01:05:37Do you take Damien to be a wedded husband,
01:05:39to be your partner in life,
01:05:40to share a path of life with,
01:05:42equal in love,
01:05:45to honor,
01:05:46to cherish him through good times and bad?
01:05:53Still get it.
01:05:54Come on.
01:05:55I can't.
01:05:56What?
01:05:58What is happening?
01:06:02Oh, my God.
01:06:03Was that it?
01:06:04Is that it?
01:06:05I don't know.
01:06:06I don't know.
01:06:07Is it over?
01:06:08Am I going to just spend the first time?
01:06:10Oh, shit.
01:06:11What?
01:06:12The chef.
01:06:13Oh, fuck.
01:06:14We need to go get her.
01:06:14I'll go.
01:06:15Oh.
01:06:15No, no, no, no.
01:06:16She's dead.
01:06:17No, no.
01:06:17My plans.
01:06:18It's my responsibility.
01:06:19I can go.
01:06:20There might be nuclear fallout, Penelope.
01:06:22I'm going upstairs.
01:06:23Through the pandemic!
01:06:24I am going the fuck upstairs!
01:06:26Wait!
01:06:29I'm going with you.
01:06:32Fine.
01:06:33Wait!
01:06:34Oh, my fucking shit!
01:06:36Jesus Christ!
01:06:37You're going to need protection.
01:06:39Why are you screaming that?
01:06:40Fuck, Jill.
01:06:50What the fuck is going to be?
01:07:02Chef?
01:07:03Chef?
01:07:05Penelope!
01:07:06Oh, my God!
01:07:07Over here.
01:07:10Oh, my God!
01:07:11Still breathing.
01:07:12Oh, thank God.
01:07:13I wouldn't normally move her in this state,
01:07:15given the circumstances.
01:07:17Pen?
01:07:18Pen!
01:07:19Grab your legs. Come on.
01:07:21OK.
01:07:22Ready? One, two, three.
01:07:24Oh!
01:07:25OK. Move it, move it.
01:07:26OK, OK, OK.
01:07:27Okay, easy, easy.
01:07:28Tom, falster, falster.
01:07:29No, no, no. Easy, easy.
01:07:40Pen!
01:07:41Oh! Shit!
01:07:43Oh!
01:07:44Fucking hell.
01:07:46There's no bomb.
01:07:47What?
01:07:49There's no fucking bomb.
01:07:57Oh, shit!
01:08:02There's no bomb!
01:08:04What?
01:08:06There is no missile threat or danger to the state of California.
01:08:10Repeat.
01:08:12False alarm.
01:08:13Oh, my God!
01:08:15Get out!
01:08:16Get out!
01:08:21Get the fuck out of this basement bag!
01:08:24Wait, but what was that explosion?
01:08:26Oh, my God.
01:08:27Oh, my God.
01:08:28Get out of here.
01:08:29Oh, my God.
01:08:30Oh, shit.
01:08:31Guys, hey, wait.
01:08:32I'm sorry, babe.
01:08:33I'm sorry, babe.
01:08:34We should get Jack to the couch.
01:08:35Excuse me.
01:08:36That's okay.
01:08:37Sit down.
01:08:38Fine, fine.
01:08:39It's okay.
01:08:40We're almost there.
01:08:41Let me get a pillow.
01:08:42Here.
01:08:43Oh, my God.
01:08:46Oh.
01:08:48I got the same text.
01:08:50So did I.
01:08:51Come on, it's actually shooting real quick.
01:08:52My parents are okay.
01:08:54They were hiding in their garage.
01:08:56I mean, was this a false alarm?
01:08:57I mean, what the fuck?
01:08:58It's so fucked up.
01:08:59Who would fuck up a nuclear bomb?
01:09:02The system was hacked.
01:09:03We can't know exactly what happened for sure.
01:09:05Another country just hacked our emergency alert system
01:09:07and fucked the shit out of all of us.
01:09:09Again, Ishan, we don't know that it was another country.
01:09:12It could have just been a guy in his underwear in Michigan.
01:09:14There's really only one thing we could know for sure,
01:09:18that we wouldn't have known any of this
01:09:20if it wasn't for a phone.
01:09:26What?
01:09:28Why are you looking at me like that?
01:09:31Well, Penelope,
01:09:35because if you didn't sneaky sneaky
01:09:40and go grab the unplug box,
01:09:43then we would still be celebrating our birthday party.
01:09:46Mm-hmm.
01:09:47Mm-hmm.
01:09:48Maybe eating some of that thug pussy or something, you know?
01:09:52Mm-hmm.
01:09:53Wouldn't have experienced any of this, really.
01:09:54Yeah, none of it.
01:09:55Who has a no-phone party and invites the mother of a newborn?
01:10:00Well, I'll tell you who.
01:10:02Me.
01:10:03I do.
01:10:04He does.
01:10:05Yeah.
01:10:06You don't have kids, so you don't understand.
01:10:07That's a little insensitive.
01:10:08Oh, shut up.
01:10:10It's just a fact, Jill.
01:10:12Okay, first of all, don't tell my wife to shut up.
01:10:15You mothers really shouldn't be away from their babies in the first few months.
01:10:19That sounds very judgy.
01:10:21And they definitely should not be attending no phone parties unknowingly.
01:10:26They're called unplug parties.
01:10:27Absolutely.
01:10:28It is to get old friends together to connect.
01:10:31Connect.
01:10:32Without phones.
01:10:33Absolutely, right.
01:10:34Which we would have done if you didn't grab yours.
01:10:37Mm-hmm.
01:10:38I didn't ask to escape reality, and I didn't create this disaster.
01:10:42It's not my fault.
01:10:44Mmm.
01:10:45Except it kinda is.
01:10:46Yeah.
01:10:47And even Jill took the night off, and she's addicted to her fucking phone.
01:10:51Fine.
01:10:53If it makes you feel better, blame me.
01:10:55I don't give a shit.
01:10:56I think I'm gonna go now.
01:10:58Okay.
01:10:59That sounds great.
01:11:00You coming?
01:11:01Do you even want me to come with you?
01:11:04I am going to be with our son, Sam.
01:11:06Are you coming?
01:11:07It's late, and it's far, and Rocco's probably asleep by now.
01:11:11Oh, my God.
01:11:12He's fine, Penn.
01:11:13Your priorities are fucked.
01:11:14Oh, my priorities?
01:11:15You just told me you don't fucking love me, so don't come out with your fucking priorities right now!
01:11:19I'm done.
01:11:20Oh, okay.
01:11:21See you later.
01:11:22No, you won't.
01:11:23Thank you for a horrible evening, everyone.
01:11:26Good night.
01:11:27Good night.
01:11:28Good night.
01:11:36Sammy.
01:11:37Sammy boy.
01:11:38Hold on.
01:11:39Oh, my God.
01:11:40Hey.
01:11:42I mean...
01:11:43I'm sorry, man.
01:11:46Did you have any fun?
01:11:48Yeah, she did.
01:11:49Yeah, she did.
01:11:50I...
01:11:51Hmm.
01:11:53What happened down there?
01:11:55Why'd you say you can't?
01:11:57Can we talk about this later?
01:11:58No, I want to talk about it right now.
01:12:01I don't upset you, Damien.
01:12:03No, it's too late for that.
01:12:04I'm...
01:12:05I've always been very honest about my feelings on marriage.
01:12:12I'm not a big fan.
01:12:13I never have been.
01:12:14I was open with you about that from the very first day.
01:12:17Yeah, exactly.
01:12:18That was in the beginning.
01:12:19That was years ago.
01:12:20Well, nothing has changed.
01:12:21Everything's changed.
01:12:22What has changed?
01:12:23We've been together for 10 years.
01:12:24I got you through cancer.
01:12:25I love you so much, Damien.
01:12:27I...
01:12:28Do you?
01:12:29Yes.
01:12:30I am a child of divorce.
01:12:32I am a divorce attorney.
01:12:34I know better.
01:12:35I have seen the worst in people.
01:12:36Well, then why did you agree to it down in the basement?
01:12:39I was in shock.
01:12:40You asked me to do it in front of all of your friends.
01:12:44We thought...
01:12:45We thought we were gonna die.
01:12:47Oh, okay.
01:12:48So that's the only way you'd marry me.
01:12:53Cool.
01:12:54I think that we both just need to take a couple of breaths.
01:12:57It's been a really long night, Damien.
01:12:59The night's just getting started, party people!
01:13:01What?
01:13:02Oh, my God. Chef Sasha.
01:13:04It's kicking in, huh?
01:13:06What happened to you?
01:13:07Oh, I am so sorry.
01:13:08My liquid nitrogen tank exploded, and I blacked out for a bit.
01:13:12But all good now.
01:13:13That was the sound.
01:13:14Yeah.
01:13:15Um, I do have some bad news.
01:13:18What?
01:13:24There is no side of sorbet.
01:13:26Oh.
01:13:27Oh!
01:13:28We don't need sorbet.
01:13:29I would actually like some sorbet.
01:13:31Well, she's had a long night, you know?
01:13:33She has?
01:13:34I only have the lemon blueberry pavlova with canna butter and the tiramisu with coconut infused marscapone for my vegan brother.
01:13:47Both coming in at a solid 15 milligrams of THC per se...
01:13:52I'm fine, it's just the nitrogen poisoning.
01:13:58It'll wear off in a few weeks.
01:13:59Okay.
01:14:00Both desserts use one of my favorite strains, Pink Pooh Nanny.
01:14:04Of course.
01:14:05Which should help you unleash your creativity like it did mine.
01:14:09Oh.
01:14:10Wow.
01:14:11Oh, my God.
01:14:12Okay.
01:14:13Center of the table, please.
01:14:14Oh, God.
01:14:15That's so beautiful.
01:14:16Please don't touch it.
01:14:17Of course.
01:14:18After I leave.
01:14:19You got it.
01:14:20Of course.
01:14:21You got it.
01:14:22Of course.
01:14:24Well, I don't want to, uh, hold up the party, and I think I should lie down and probably drink some vinegar.
01:14:33I have had such an amazing time getting to know each and every one of you and being your guide on this journey.
01:14:41Thank you so much, and truly, namaste.
01:14:46Oh, yes.
01:14:47Oh, yes.
01:14:48Thank you so much.
01:14:49Chef, chef, chef.
01:14:54She doesn't even know.
01:14:55Maybe when she blacked out, she forgot about the bomb?
01:14:59She probably turns her phone off when she's working so she can stay present and be in the moment and actually enjoy the experience of cooking.
01:15:09Those desserts do look pretty good.
01:15:11Yeah, they do.
01:15:12Here, hold this.
01:15:16Excuse me.
01:15:17Excuse me.
01:15:18Excuse me.
01:15:22Where are you going, honey?
01:15:32What are you doing?
01:15:35Oh, shit!
01:15:36What?
01:15:37You did that?
01:15:38That is so punk rock!
01:15:39Yes!
01:15:40Oh, my God!
01:15:41I can't believe I did that.
01:15:43I just threw my phone in the fire!
01:15:46Yeah, you fucking did!
01:15:47Come on!
01:15:48That's so fucking good!
01:15:49Come on!
01:15:50Bah!
01:15:51Come on, who's with me?
01:15:53I'm with you!
01:15:54Yes, Logan!
01:15:55Give me your phone!
01:15:56I don't know where mine is.
01:15:57He doesn't even know where his phone is!
01:15:58That's perfect, Mo!
01:15:59Come on, Sam!
01:16:00Yes!
01:16:01Let's throw all of our phones in the fucking fire!
01:16:03Let's feel free!
01:16:04Wow!
01:16:05Jack!
01:16:06My darling, I'll help you!
01:16:08Yes!
01:16:09Yes!
01:16:10Oh!
01:16:11I love you so much!
01:16:13Hey, I love you too.
01:16:15Woo!
01:16:16Oh, yeah!
01:16:17That's hot!
01:16:18Mmm!
01:16:19You can do this!
01:16:20Proud of you, buddy!
01:16:21Come on!
01:16:22You can do this!
01:16:23Come on!
01:16:24Do it!
01:16:25Oh!
01:16:26I missed!
01:16:27I'll get it for you!
01:16:28Okay!
01:16:29I'll get it!
01:16:30Okay!
01:16:31Ow!
01:16:32Ow!
01:16:33Okay!
01:16:34Ah!
01:16:35Yes!
01:16:36Ah!
01:16:37Doesn't that feel good?
01:16:38It would've felt better if I made it, but yeah.
01:16:40Here, come on.
01:16:41It's okay.
01:16:42Let's watch it burn.
01:16:45I mean, I'm fully with them, but I think I'm just gonna put it on vibrate.
01:16:49Right?
01:16:50We're gonna be okay, right?
01:16:53I hope so.
01:16:56It would suck if we weren't.
01:16:58I promise to make more time for you.
01:17:10And I won't let so much time go by without connecting with you.
01:17:13Okay?
01:17:14Okay.
01:17:16I promise not to smoke so much pot on the couch.
01:17:20Oh.
01:17:21Hmm.
01:17:22Try to mix it up and smoke some on the patio instead.
01:17:25We can't say anything about anything.
01:17:35Just act normal.
01:17:37Nothing happened.
01:17:38Yeah, I know.
01:17:39I can't do that.
01:17:40You have to.
01:17:41I can't.
01:17:42Because you told me you're still in love with me, Mom.
01:17:43Well, it was an intense moment.
01:17:44I thought we were gonna die.
01:17:45Right.
01:17:46But isn't that when people share the most intimate thoughts?
01:17:53You can get through anything.
01:17:54As long as I don't lose you.
01:17:55No.
01:17:56You'll never lose me.
01:17:57You're my family.
01:17:58I love you.
01:17:59So.
01:18:00I love you.
01:18:01So.
01:18:02So.
01:18:03Fucking.
01:18:04Much.
01:18:05I love you.
01:18:06So.
01:18:07Fucking.
01:18:08Much.
01:18:09You're my family.
01:18:10I love you.
01:18:11So.
01:18:12Fucking.
01:18:13Much.
01:18:14I love you.
01:18:15So.
01:18:16You're my family.
01:18:17Because I don't lose you.
01:18:18Cause I don't lose you.
01:18:19No.
01:18:20You'll never lose me.
01:18:21You're my family.
01:18:22I love you.
01:18:27So.
01:18:28Fucking.
01:18:29Much.
01:18:30Well, I love you so fucking much.
01:18:34I love you so fucking much.
01:18:37We make no plans.
01:18:49Make out all our checks to care.
01:18:55See, I got no future cause with you there's no past.
01:19:00So make our checks to care.
01:19:05Don't wait.
01:19:06Just give me space.
01:19:07We got enough time to erase.
01:19:08Just give me space.
01:19:12We got enough time to erase.
01:19:21I've been pretending so we both could save face.
01:19:27We'll make our checks to care.
01:19:31Don't wait.
01:19:32Don't wait.
01:19:33Don't wait.
01:19:34Don't wait.
01:19:35You guys, you sound so beautiful together.
01:19:46Ah, oldie but a goodie.
01:19:48Hey, we haven't sung happy birthday to these two yet.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:53Oh no, you don't have to sing.
01:19:54Yes we do.
01:19:55Yes we do.
01:19:56Yes we do.
01:19:57And here's your key everybody.
01:19:58I love the key.
01:19:59Happy birthday to you.
01:20:02Woo.
01:20:03Happy birthday to you.
01:20:06Happy birthday dear.
01:20:08Mwah.
01:20:09Happy birthday to you.
01:20:14Yay.
01:20:16I love you guys so much.
01:20:17I love you guys.
01:20:18Let's eat.
01:20:19Great idea.
01:20:20I want one of these things.
01:20:21I want one of these.
01:20:22Give me a little of that too.
01:20:23Yeah.
01:20:24Do you want some?
01:20:25Yes please.
01:20:26Ah.
01:20:27Oh, I want one of these things.
01:20:28I want one of these.
01:20:29Give me a little of that too.
01:20:30Yeah.
01:20:31Do you want some?
01:20:32Yes please.
01:20:33Ah.
01:20:34Ah.
01:20:35Ah.
01:20:36Ah.
01:20:37Ah.
01:20:38Ah.
01:20:39Ah.
01:20:40Ah.
01:20:41Ah.
01:20:42Ah.
01:20:43Ah.
01:20:44Ah.
01:20:45Ah.
01:20:46Ah.
01:20:47Ah.
01:20:48Ah.
01:20:49Ah.
01:20:50Ah.
01:20:51Ah.
01:20:52Ah.
01:20:53Ah.
01:20:54Ah.
01:20:55It really does.
01:20:56It really does.
01:20:57You guys guess what time it is.
01:21:00It's time for a dance party.
01:21:02Woo!
01:21:03Okay.
01:21:04Come on.
01:21:05You've lost her mind.
01:21:06Good.
01:21:07Let's do it.
01:21:08No, no, no, we need some music.
01:21:09Oh, there it goes.
01:21:11Ah, I love this song.
01:21:13Let's turn it up.
01:21:14Yeah.
01:21:15Oh my God.
01:21:16Ah.
01:21:17Yes, let's do it.
01:21:18Yes, I knew you would.
01:21:19Bring it girl.
01:21:20Come on.
01:21:21You want to dance with me.
01:21:22I am crazy.
01:21:23You want to dance with me?
01:21:24I am crazy, I know you saw those moves, come on, come on, yes girl, come on, five, six, seven,
01:21:31good night, I'm going to the bed, come back, where are you going, oh my god, yes, yes, come
01:21:44on down, I'm 40, ah, come on, what the fuck is that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
01:21:54oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:22:00Hello, hello, hello, hello listeners, welcome back to Marriage in the Middle Ages, where we
01:22:08talk about everything and anything to do with marriage. With me today is a very special guest,
01:22:15you have heard me talk about him many, many times before, because he is my husband. Please
01:22:23welcome jack langer oh i didn't realize there'd be an applause track that's nice i kind of want
01:22:31that every time all for you baby thank you well it's good to see you my wife it's good to see you
01:22:37too my husband thank you yes long overdue thank you for joining us today is the day that we are
01:22:45going to tell all the listeners all about drum roll please our 40th birthday party yes i'm not sure
01:22:56i'm ready to relive this but i am here for you and your wonderful listeners so jack you ready to dive
01:23:05in yes let's go
01:23:15i'm moving through the heat this room is hazy
01:23:40keep running through the lights inside my head i find myself a drink and now it seems i'm six or seven
01:23:50good girl i'm gonna feel this in the morning i don't care right now i'm gonna keep this party going
01:24:04so light me up
01:24:06so light me up
01:24:12so light me up
01:24:14so light me up
01:24:16so light me up
01:24:18her face i've never seen her body close to me
01:24:22and suddenly there's nothing in between
01:24:26between
01:24:28and going through the beat that's all i like
01:24:32it's half past three
01:24:34good girl
01:24:36i'm gonna feel this in the morning
01:24:40but i don't care right now
01:24:42i'm gonna keep this party going
01:24:46good girl
01:24:48i'm gonna feel this in the morning
01:24:52but i don't care right now
01:24:56i'm gonna keep this party going
01:25:00good girl
01:25:02i'm gonna feel this in the morning
01:25:04but i don't care right now
01:25:06i'm gonna keep this party going
01:25:10good girl
01:25:12i'm gonna feel this in the morning
01:25:14i'm gonna feel this in the morning
01:25:16i don't care right now
01:25:20i'm gonna keep this party going
01:25:22so light me up
01:25:26good girl
01:25:28good girl
01:25:30good girl
01:25:32good girl
01:25:34good girl
01:25:36good girl
01:25:38good girl
01:25:40good girl
01:25:42I'm going to keep this body going.
01:26:12I'm going to hear this in the morning, but I don't care right now.
01:26:21I'm going to keep this body going.
01:26:24So light me up.
01:26:30So light me up.
01:26:36So light me up.
01:26:42So light me up.
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