- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:33Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:35Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:37Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:39Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:41Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:43Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:45Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:47Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:49Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:51Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:53We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:12And he'll really dance standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Oh, wait.
00:02:14He's supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:18Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22Ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Oh, Sandra
00:09:04It is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot
00:09:43You went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankham and Butterdish
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07If I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying
00:10:12Quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven
00:10:16Outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven
00:10:20Outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip
00:10:25Miraculously undo
00:10:26It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Goodnight
00:10:48Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14About time and all
00:11:31Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Aye
00:11:32Peace, man
00:11:33Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied
00:11:40I say it in for a change
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have, Dom
00:11:56Paid him for a change instead
00:11:59Ticket? I ain't got my ticket
00:12:20We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal then
00:12:24Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43Snooty old bag
00:12:45Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark
00:13:02Rumour has it
00:13:04Different girl every night
00:13:12It's all the type
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:17Bet we lose
00:13:193-1
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move
00:13:23At least I've got me proud
00:13:25Oh, hello
00:13:26Oh, hi
00:13:29Hi
00:13:30Didn't see you
00:13:31No, Normie
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah
00:13:35Not especially, no
00:13:37Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah
00:13:40Well, um
00:13:41No
00:13:42I was
00:13:43I sort of
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any
00:13:58I am
00:13:59See you then
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I
00:14:11All right then
00:14:12Right
00:14:13Super socks
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs
00:14:27A lot of them
00:14:28They're all on drugs
00:14:30Iogued
00:14:30Well, yes
00:14:32Iogued
00:14:33Iogued
00:14:33Good
00:14:34What scenario
00:14:34Did you lose this?
00:14:34Yogued
00:14:35And this?
00:14:36Iogued
00:14:36And this?
00:14:37Iogued
00:14:38Those who are
00:14:38The sea
00:14:38We're going to the land
00:14:39There's some
00:14:40Any
00:14:41Sploys
00:14:42au
00:14:43And this?
00:14:44The ocean
00:14:46Her
00:14:49Moon
00:14:49To how
00:14:50兩個
00:14:51That
00:14:52Makes
00:14:53이잆
00:14:54For
00:14:54Heidi
00:14:55ส
00:14:55Let
00:14:56Iogued
00:14:57To
00:14:57Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:50You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:30Sorry.
00:16:31You see.
00:16:32What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:34By implication.
00:16:35Probably by implication.
00:16:36Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:41You see.
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:43Was he the errand boy?
00:16:44Was who the errand boy?
00:16:45Ken Thingy.
00:16:46He directed it.
00:16:47Oh, yes.
00:16:48I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:49Probably.
00:16:50You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:51Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:52It's over 200 yards from the cinema, and you talk to me the whole way like a person.
00:17:05I know.
00:17:06You can't look at all.
00:17:07You'll see.
00:17:08Yes, your four-year-old, you're looking at...
00:17:09Yes.
00:17:11I don't know.
00:17:12It's all right.
00:17:13that's all. It's over 200 yards
00:17:15from the cinema. And you talk to me the whole
00:17:17way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have
00:17:23one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex? Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and
00:17:33pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls,
00:17:50most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Perseveral?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Perseveral motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:12I'm not like that.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:0725-year mortgage.
00:19:0825-year mortgage.
00:19:14Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:15Funny, isn't it?
00:19:16First date with someone.
00:19:17It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:21Either nothing, or something, or everything.
00:19:27Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:28I'm not.
00:19:29No, I'm not.
00:19:30Night-night.
00:19:31Night-night.
00:19:32God bless.
00:19:33three things.
00:19:35either nothing
00:19:37or something
00:19:41or everything
00:19:43don't think about Percy Filth at this stage Beryl
00:19:47you're not
00:19:49no I'm not
00:19:51night night god bless
00:20:03I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:09what is it? three two seven double four two one
00:20:12the easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five which is two less than seven
00:20:16then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one
00:20:20but you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:22no
00:20:23but you can if you do
00:20:25do you want me to?
00:20:26not if you'd rather not
00:20:28three two seven double four two one
00:20:30night
00:20:33well hello
00:21:02mrs. Battersby Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea
00:21:04oh
00:21:05they all have a past life flashed before me then
00:21:11can't be mother's day
00:21:13you'd have forgotten
00:21:15has there been any clips?
00:21:17mom
00:21:18I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:21what do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24you see Geoffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's Geoffrey?
00:21:29of course Geoffrey knows about these things
00:21:31these things
00:21:33everything
00:21:34who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35he's fantastically intelligent
00:21:37see Geoffrey's idea
00:21:39Beryl who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41oh no one
00:21:48no one's special
00:21:53his name's Geoffrey
00:21:59how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:00not Beryl Bird
00:22:01I told him
00:22:02did she uh
00:22:03did she uh
00:22:04did she uh
00:22:05what?
00:22:06wow
00:22:07she doesn't then?
00:22:08you don't listen do you?
00:22:09I said
00:22:10how about Sundry?
00:22:11chips
00:22:12chums
00:22:13sod
00:22:14not seen him tonight then
00:22:15what?
00:22:16what?
00:22:17oh
00:22:18wow
00:22:19she doesn't then
00:22:20she doesn't then
00:22:21you don't listen do you?
00:22:22I said
00:22:23how about Sundry?
00:22:24chips
00:22:25chums
00:22:26sod
00:22:27not seen him tonight then
00:22:30not seen him tonight then
00:22:32not seen him tonight then
00:22:34not seen him tonight then
00:22:40who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:55said he was no one special
00:22:57have you got a phone here?
00:22:59why?
00:23:01they haven't have they?
00:23:04did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10look are you fed up here?
00:23:13are you?
00:23:14we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17we can go for a few of the king's head
00:23:19great
00:23:21and that ends our pro
00:23:23well
00:23:24monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah
00:23:26pardon?
00:23:27i don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is
00:23:30you're being done
00:23:31goodnight
00:23:32goodnight
00:23:33goodnight
00:23:34goodnight
00:23:35goodnight
00:23:36goodnight
00:23:37goodnight
00:23:38goodnight
00:23:39goodnight
00:23:40goodnight
00:23:41goodnight
00:23:53goodnight
00:23:55Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:11Charlton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:17Pounds up again.
00:24:19Oh, God.
00:24:21Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:50We never say anything.
00:24:54We never say anything.
00:24:55But you're like the wind.
00:25:00We never say anything.
00:25:02We are moving.
00:25:03We never say anything.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this trip back in Geoffrey.
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:39Fate.
00:26:40All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:41All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:46Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:50Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:57Is that Beryl?
00:26:58Yes.
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Hi.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:10Getting to know a person.
00:27:11Fantastic.
00:27:12I want to know all about you.
00:27:13That's what it's all about.
00:27:18For example, with things in common already.
00:27:19Definitely.
00:27:20Like what?
00:27:21Oh.
00:27:22No.
00:27:23No.
00:27:24No.
00:27:25No.
00:27:26No.
00:27:27No.
00:27:28No.
00:27:29No.
00:27:30No.
00:27:31No.
00:27:32No.
00:27:33No.
00:27:34No.
00:27:35No.
00:27:36No.
00:27:37No.
00:27:38No.
00:27:39No.
00:27:40No.
00:27:41No.
00:27:42No.
00:27:43No.
00:27:44No.
00:27:45No.
00:27:46No.
00:27:47No.
00:27:49No.
00:27:50We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:03No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istan-...
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know, I was only three.
00:28:14Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N.O. spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:48It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Yeah.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:26Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:07Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:01Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:33There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:26Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Good.
00:37:12I'm so sorry.
00:37:13I know.
00:37:13Youkur?
00:37:14I don't know.
00:37:15You're sorry.
00:37:16I'm so sorry.
00:37:17John for Pope.
00:37:42Longmare reign.
00:37:47aren't you uh yeah
00:37:52and you're uh that's right going somewhere incredible i'm meeting my parents taking them
00:38:02to see fiddle on the roof that's pretty incredible your mummy and daddy
00:38:07oh hell no that's tomorrow if i'm in the mood
00:38:14where you are depends where you take me
00:38:30all i was saying about your friend with the glasses roland roland is that i found him
00:38:36intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring it's not bad at snooker
00:38:40and how are you and little beryl didn't she tell you i don't work there anymore
00:38:49i packed her in
00:38:50did she turn you on
00:39:00beryl
00:39:01i haven't really looked
00:39:07you've seen one you've seen them all
00:39:11not quite all
00:39:14i'll go and get me coat
00:39:16it must be my birthday
00:39:24boys aren't the only thing in life beryl
00:39:30i do wish you'd find one
00:39:34they aren't all after percy filth
00:39:39yes they are
00:39:42mmm
00:39:43oh you were terrific on the bus
00:39:46wasn't it
00:39:47mmm
00:39:48terrific self-control
00:39:51joan of ark never married yet she led a full and happy life
00:39:56or am i thinking of someone else
00:39:58mother i don't happen to be interested in boys
00:40:01i happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt tip pen
00:40:06it's run out of ink i used it for me laundry list
00:40:09my god your generation's got a few things to answer for
00:40:12mmm
00:40:14mmm
00:40:15mmm
00:40:16please
00:40:16mmm don't
00:40:17please
00:40:19you can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep
00:40:21well let's go inside then
00:40:25smooth talking bastard
00:40:28it is me birthday
00:40:34what about the boy with the freckles from shakespeare crescent
00:40:40i don't believe that question
00:40:41you used to be crazy about him
00:40:44i was 11 years old he used to let me chalk on his tortoise
00:40:58what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name
00:41:26no stephen
00:41:28mmm
00:41:29god that turns me on
00:41:31mmm
00:41:33mmm
00:41:34mmm
00:41:35mmm
00:41:36mmm
00:41:37mmm
00:41:38when i first met you in the street
00:41:40i thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:43shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45mmm
00:41:46mmm
00:41:47mmm
00:41:48mmm
00:41:49don't move a muscle
00:41:51however gorgeous
00:41:53mmm
00:41:55mmm
00:41:56mmm
00:42:19testing testing oh jeffrey milliop returns to the day i wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:24You've never wished yourself.
00:42:41I'm fed up!
00:42:45Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:05Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:17Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica?
00:45:33Yes?
00:45:35Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:37A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:38He's going now.
00:45:40Good night, love.
00:45:43We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:45And how?
00:45:47You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:49Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:50Still, there's always another day.
00:45:51Tomorrow?
00:45:52No.
00:45:53Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:45:54Shhh.
00:45:55Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:57Where?
00:45:58I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:00I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:02What?
00:46:03What?
00:46:04The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:05The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:06This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:09Hope I like it.
00:46:10Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:12Thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:13Goodbye.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:13Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:28You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:29Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:38I'm sorry, Mum. I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55We don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00Well, I'm sorry.
00:48:02Here you are.
00:48:03Well, here we go.
00:48:04You're all right.
00:48:05Here we go.
00:48:06There we go.
00:48:08Here we go.
00:48:10BELL RINGS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me. Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow. A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't? No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:08Bloody yes.
00:49:13Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24We'll see other girls. I shan't take him back, Sandra. I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up. He only had one ambition.
00:49:43in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:48It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:01I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:03She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:06I'm sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:15She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:21He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:26Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me pride.
00:50:30I left with Beryl, baby. Oh, hi.
00:50:33Didn't see you. I didn't see you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry now.
00:50:36I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:39She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:42He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:47Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me pride.
00:50:50Oh, hi. Didn't see you. No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you. I asked you.
00:51:16Did you? Did I say more?
00:51:20How's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh. Everybody laughs. It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:27I had this bad scene, this chick.
00:52:30I decided to split.
00:52:31So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:42Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:50Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:21It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:23It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:12Are you a poet?
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30No, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville.
00:54:59OK?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man!
00:56:19Sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:32Neither of us is boss.
00:56:33It just doesn't arise.
00:56:34We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:35Yes.
00:56:37You see, what we believe is...
00:56:39You see...
00:56:40Where are one?
00:56:42I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:45You're doing it.
00:56:48I know it's fine.
00:56:51Oh, no.
00:56:52I want to stop getting some coffee and all that stuff.
00:56:54I can see.
00:56:57Well, I can see that there's only one way to get through.
00:57:02What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51A perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:57:59Pussionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:24Yes.
00:58:25Yes.
00:58:26Yes.
00:58:27Yes.
00:58:28Yes.
00:58:29I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Yes.
00:58:51Yes.
00:58:52Yes.
00:58:53Yes.
00:58:54Yes.
00:58:55Do you know...
00:58:56What, Beryl?
00:58:57You can ask me anything.
00:58:58Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:01He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:03He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:04Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:05Usually.
00:59:06Oh.
00:59:07I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:10He'll be all right.
00:59:11He'll be all right, honest.
00:59:12She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:13Who?
00:59:14She said...
00:59:15Geoffrey.
00:59:16Geoffrey.
00:59:17Geoffrey.
00:59:18Geoffrey.
00:59:19Geoffrey.
00:59:20Sorry.
00:59:21Geoffrey.
00:59:22Oh.
00:59:23Geoffrey.
00:59:24Oh.
00:59:25Oh.
00:59:26Geoffrey.
00:59:27Oh.
00:59:28Geoffrey.
00:59:29Oh.
00:59:30Oh, I think I enjoyed Darlene.
00:59:31Was it after you?
00:59:33You died before me?
00:59:34I know.
00:59:35She didn't smell the smell.
00:59:36I thought I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:38Who?
00:59:39She said.
00:59:40Jeffrey?
00:59:42Geoffrey.
00:59:43Oh.
00:59:47Hey.
00:59:48Geoffrey.
00:59:49Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:19It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:37From the front lawn.
01:00:49Like you, Beryl.
01:00:55Had a nice time,
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind,
01:01:01if you've had a nice time,
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:07Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:09That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:19I didn't try at all.
01:01:21Gave me to rest.
01:01:27I'm right off, birds.
01:01:29I am.
01:01:31I am.
01:01:33I am.
01:01:35For good.
01:01:37Me too.
01:01:39And me.
01:01:41I'm right off, birds.
01:01:43I am.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47For good.
01:01:49Me too.
01:01:51And me.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:15Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:23Good morning.
01:02:45Good morning.
01:02:47And now we're special police.
01:02:49Tommy, it's been luring for the guest.
01:02:51Your mother, you're always expecting her catch.
01:02:53Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:50Ignorant bugger.
01:03:53I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20There's another night at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Come on, Beryl.
01:04:22Who?
01:04:23Let's go, Beryl.
01:04:24Come on.
01:04:25Come on.
01:04:26Come on.
01:04:27Come on.
01:04:28Come on.
01:04:29Come on, my boy.
01:04:30Come on.
01:04:31Come on.
01:04:32Come on.
01:04:33Come on.
01:04:34Come on.
01:04:35Come on.
01:04:36Come on.
01:04:37Come on.
01:04:38Come on.
01:04:39Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:43Oh?
01:04:45Probably this one.
01:04:47Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:04:49Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:04:51Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:04:53Oh, yes.
01:04:55Oh, yes.
01:04:57Oh, yes.
01:04:59Oh, yes.
01:05:01Oh, yes.
01:05:03Oh, yes.
01:05:05Oh, yes.
01:05:07You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:37Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:08I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:50Never mind.
01:06:51It's only a game.
01:06:52I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:53I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch him.
01:07:19United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:25Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love.
01:07:30And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:36even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:41And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:44I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:49Let's see.
01:07:50Romantic.
01:07:51Pardon?
01:07:52Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:53Things of that nature.
01:07:54Oh, we do.
01:07:55Do what?
01:07:56What you just said.
01:07:57Good.
01:07:58Not too much, I hope.
01:07:59Oh, God.
01:08:00Boys are very funny.
01:08:01They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:02Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:05No.
01:08:06Oh.
01:08:07Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:08Fantastic.
01:08:09Oh, well, all the people are dead, too.
01:08:10Good.
01:08:11You're dead.
01:08:12Good.
01:08:13Good.
01:08:14Not too much, I hope.
01:08:16Oh, God.
01:08:17Boys are very funny.
01:08:18They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:19Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:25Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:27People have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:39Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:57I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:50without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I've never said you were!
01:09:53You think it!
01:10:08All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:26The weeks and months drag by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so, society, that's you and me, says,
01:11:55end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:34Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:37Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19What?
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:45The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:12Oh, we do.
01:14:13See what I think?
01:14:14See what I think?
01:14:15Go on.
01:14:16No, you.
01:14:17Mine wasn't important.
01:14:18No, mine wasn't.
01:14:20Beryl?
01:14:22Are you...
01:14:24Happy?
01:14:25Of course.
01:14:27Very.
01:14:29I am.
01:14:31No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:32Beryl, are you... happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:02I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:19Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:32Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:44Nothing.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything.
01:15:49Honest.
01:15:50Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:52It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:15:59Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:02There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:32I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:24Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12But there is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16When's the kickoff?
01:25:27MUSIC CONTINUES
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:46Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:08We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:11Anyone, really.
01:27:13Anyone, really.
01:27:14There's millions to choose from.
01:27:15All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:16You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:17You will, Beryl.
01:27:18You will, Beryl.
01:27:19Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:20Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:21You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:22You will, Beryl.
01:27:23You will, Beryl.
01:27:24Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:25Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:26You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:27You will, Beryl.
01:27:28You will, Beryl.
01:27:29You will, Beryl.
01:27:30Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:33Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:34And now, we'll find someone, Geryl.
01:27:35You will, Beryl.
01:27:36And now we'll find someone, Beryl.
01:27:37And now we'll find someone, Beryl.
01:27:38There's millions, Beryl.
01:27:39There's millions to choose from.
01:27:40All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:46You will, Beryl.
01:27:47Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51The President of the United States
01:28:21And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
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