- 3 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:34I don't have a chance.
00:04:35I don't have a chance.
00:04:35I don't have a chance.
00:04:36I'm Video.
00:04:37I don't have a chance.
00:04:38I don't have a chance.
00:04:39I don't have a chance.
00:04:41I don't have a chance.
00:04:42Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Surely I can't get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right?
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21That's all right, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say,
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:56I enjoy staying in Chattingham the evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really. I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:38I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:47Oh, Sandra.
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet. Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went. Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother. Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:01What?
00:10:04Got it. Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say OK does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:11:03Miss Bardot.
00:11:06Marry me.
00:11:07Marry me.
00:11:10You know what they say.
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:17Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:24Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:26Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:28Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:30About time and all.
00:11:31Hi.
00:11:32Hi.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:35Do you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:05Ticket. I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:35Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:13It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah.
00:13:41Well, erm...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was...
00:13:44I was sort of...
00:13:45Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, er...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:14Super socks.
00:14:15Did you see that?
00:14:17They're all on drugs.
00:14:18A lot of them.
00:14:19They're all on drugs.
00:14:20They're all on drugs.
00:14:21They're all on drugs.
00:14:22A lot of them.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27They're all on drugs.
00:14:28A lot of them.
00:14:29They're all on drugs per gang.
00:14:30And you'll protect them…
00:14:31Is the level just a weekless.
00:14:32Good.
00:14:34Oh, allана.
00:14:35Good.
00:14:36Who's within?
00:14:37Good-олько.
00:14:38I'm done.
00:14:39No.
00:14:40No.
00:14:42I'm done.
00:14:43It's horrible!
00:14:44No.
00:14:46This guy algunos lll zast departure.
00:14:47And don't know what happened.
00:14:48Well, I'd buy a little bit about them that,
00:14:49In a difference.
00:14:50There are three and one.
00:14:51Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, uh...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49Uh, you know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Fingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39This is it.
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:18Yes.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Well, it's funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Erm...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Yeah, don't worry.
00:20:31That was easy.
00:20:31I'll be there.
00:20:32Oh, I'm a bad boy.
00:20:34Oh, I'm a bad boy.
00:20:35I'm a bad boy.
00:20:36I'm a bad boy.
00:20:38I'm sorry.
00:20:39Something's gone.
00:20:39Anyway, I'm a bad boy.
00:20:43I'm sorry.
00:20:44I'm sorry.
00:20:46I'm sorry.
00:20:47I'm sorry.
00:20:48I'm sorry.
00:20:50I'm sorry.
00:20:51I'm sorry.
00:20:53I'm sorry.
00:20:55Oh, my God.
00:20:56I'm sorry.
00:20:58But you didn't have anything to do with it.
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chum sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good night.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may he reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:47Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:52Music.
00:25:10Big way.
00:25:10Music.
00:25:11Song.
00:25:11Maybe.
00:25:11Come.
00:25:11I heard a maiden sing.
00:25:12I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:16My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream at you, Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:39All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:30That's what it's all about.
00:27:32For example, with things in common already.
00:27:33Definitely.
00:27:34Like what?
00:27:35We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:37Right.
00:27:38And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:39Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:40No.
00:27:41Have you?
00:27:42No.
00:27:43Have you?
00:27:44No.
00:27:45No.
00:27:46No.
00:27:47No.
00:27:48No.
00:27:49No.
00:27:50No.
00:27:51No.
00:27:52No.
00:27:53No.
00:27:54No.
00:27:55No.
00:27:56No.
00:27:57No.
00:27:58No.
00:28:00No.
00:28:01No.
00:28:02No.
00:28:03No.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Istanbul?
00:28:11Is it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:24What now?
00:28:26No.
00:28:27Just...
00:28:31just sometimes.
00:28:33Yes, I do.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:52his stride quietly casual,
00:28:55his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break
00:28:59into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:05You know, Geoffrey,
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:11Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:59Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:20You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:26Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:37:25John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:25All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married yet.
00:39:55She led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:41:19What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought,
00:41:40just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle.
00:41:52However gorgeous.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:42:00Mmm.
00:42:04Mmm.
00:42:06Mmm.
00:42:11Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:14Mmm.
00:42:15Mmm.
00:42:15Mmm.
00:42:16Mmm.
00:42:16Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:40I'm fed up!
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:50Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No.
00:42:54They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:10Well, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:01Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:08The others don't bother.
00:44:10Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:12Then you have a baby.
00:44:14Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No.
00:44:32That's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:40He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:55Good night.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:18Best generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad.
00:47:44You understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01Good night.
00:48:28Charlton for Pope.
00:48:30Long me around. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on?
00:48:34Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:54Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:58Who didn't?
00:49:00It's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25I'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:02Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:04The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:06I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:08I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:10She might have changed, of course.
00:50:12If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:14He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:16Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:18Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:20At least I've got me pride.
00:50:22I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:24Oh, hi.
00:50:25Didn't see you.
00:50:26No, nor me.
00:50:27I'm sorry now.
00:50:28I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:30She might have changed, of course.
00:50:32If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:34He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21Beryl baby getting on, then.
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:34You'll laugh.
00:51:35Everybody laughs.
00:51:36It's the story of my life.
00:51:37You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:53I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:05Probably.
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks out for sleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:14It is.
00:52:15Working in a bank.
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:17I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:20So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:35This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:41Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:45So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:49Don't pull it.
00:52:51Dig?
00:52:52Hmm?
00:52:53Sorry.
00:52:54I no understand English.
00:52:58Gesundheit.
00:52:59I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:02She has.
00:53:03And which is her husband?
00:53:04Neither.
00:53:05Neither.
00:53:06It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:07Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:08Great to dance to.
00:53:09Great to dance to.
00:53:10Do you agree?
00:53:11Do you agree that life's an undone?
00:53:12The other one?
00:53:13She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:15Neither.
00:53:16What happened? Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:42Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions, ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:31What's on ITV?
00:54:33This.
00:54:35What's on BBC?
00:54:37Casinova.
00:54:39What's that like?
00:54:41This.
00:54:42Oh, come on now.
00:54:43You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:44Let's get this...
00:54:45What's the word?
00:54:46Let's get it clear.
00:54:47Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville.
00:54:48Okay?
00:54:49Mm-hmm.
00:54:50Mm-hmm.
00:54:51Come on now.
00:54:52You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:00Mm-hmm.
00:55:01Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's license.
00:55:18Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:22All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:26You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:29Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:35When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:38Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:45Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:58You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville?
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:38I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:48Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:00He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:03Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:05Usually.
00:59:07Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:12We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:14She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:16Who?
00:59:18She said...
00:59:20Geoffrey.
00:59:22Geoffrey.
00:59:25Geoffrey.
00:59:27Sorry.
00:59:29Geoffrey.
00:59:31Geoffrey.
00:59:36Geoffrey.
00:59:38Sorry.
00:59:40Geoffrey.
00:59:41Geoffrey.
00:59:54Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07Oh, call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:56Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:02Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see, Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:52And me.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16I don't either.
01:02:17I don't either.
01:02:18Let's go.
01:02:48Let's go.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:50Beryl.
01:03:51In the room bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I don't know.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it, then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:03Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:15Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:55I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:30A barrel would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:36Oh.
01:09:37I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:40What word?
01:09:41Goodness me.
01:09:42A single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:46I never said you were!
01:09:47You think it!
01:09:48All right, Geoffrey.
01:09:49I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:09:55Marriage?
01:09:56Never.
01:09:57Well, until I am.
01:09:58If I ever do.
01:09:59Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:00For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:06No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:08You mustn't feel guilty here, isn't it?
01:10:09The elephant turned on, was it?
01:10:10No two people and the other PC cannot be happy at the moment.
01:10:11You're not the wrong person.
01:10:12Yeah.
01:10:13Of course.
01:10:14I mean, it's not the wrong person, my experience, you can't be happy.
01:10:15I can't be happy when you're something.
01:10:16OK.
01:10:17I don't want to have to be happy with any language.
01:10:18You can't have to be happy with your mother.
01:10:19I can't have to be happy in your family.
01:10:20If you have realised.
01:10:21Why is it all that time?
01:10:22Well, I am happy with my mother?
01:10:23No one of my happiness.
01:10:24I don't think so.
01:10:25It's a good thing.
01:10:26I can't do that.
01:10:27How do I do it?
01:10:29No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:56Hello? You all right, son?
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:25All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:25You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:36Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Time's up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:08Where do you think you're going?
01:13:09Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:10It's important.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:13What is?
01:13:14To be on our own.
01:13:15What?
01:13:16So as we can talk.
01:13:17What?
01:13:18That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:19The only bit I can remember.
01:13:20That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:21The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:22That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:28Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:29Grace who?
01:13:30She was playing for United as well.
01:13:31Grace who?
01:13:32She was playing for United as well.
01:13:33Weird, isn't it?
01:13:34Weird, isn't it?
01:13:35That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:36The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:37Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:40Grace who?
01:13:41Grace who?
01:13:42She was playing for United as well.
01:13:43Weird, isn't it?
01:13:44The man is playing for United as well.
01:13:45That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:48The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think?
01:14:25See what I think?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:25Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:40No.
01:15:41I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:44Nothing.
01:15:45If there is.
01:15:46There isn't.
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything.
01:15:49Honest.
01:15:50Good.
01:15:52It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:53It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:12If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:17I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:44I used to say dig before I met you.
01:18:00I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:02There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:26I think so.
01:18:27We just don't like each other.
01:18:28At all.
01:18:29Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:30Good luck.
01:18:31Peace, ma'am.
01:18:32Peace, ma'am.
01:18:33St Anne's Square.
01:18:34St Anne's Square.
01:18:35St Anne's Square.
01:18:36St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:37Please.
01:18:38Oh, I'm sorry.
01:18:39We just don't like each other.
01:18:40We just don't like each other.
01:18:42At all.
01:18:46Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:48Good luck.
01:18:50Peace, ma'am.
01:18:53St Anne's Square.
01:18:54St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:00St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02please
01:19:12so that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits and what else do I
01:19:20need? oh yes a ring. teething ring? wedding ring? of course. oh they have
01:19:29gorgeous prams in the shops these days. no wonder everyone's at it. oh sorry. what about? skip it.
01:19:40about time too. with her sympathy. not that I need any actually. I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that. if I'm looking miserable Sandra it's because I'm feeling happy for you. yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking. of course we do. how to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08ace. she used to wear pink you know. I won't tell you where.
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from. wow.
01:20:24did you want the chalk Geoffrey? I know spells no.
01:20:30super day for it. hmm sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35yes. well Sandra. this is it. yep. the big day. yep. coming to the crutch. crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51you mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55and what's more no one will know that I am. because I shan't. truly.
01:21:00Sandra please. you've enough to think of.
01:21:08it's a big day for you as well really isn't it?
01:21:16and now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19do you mind stepping back sir? fine. this is fine enough. here? about there lovely.
01:21:24lovely. you can kiss the bride on this one sir. wow. official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:34oh sorry. that's right. hold it. lovely. thank you. right now a nice family group of the parents please.
01:21:43funny. i remember the friday lunch time we first met.
01:21:48how have you been? absolutely great. you? never better. ever.
01:21:58it's all over now. bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00it's tuna fish. it's life.
01:22:12see president nixon went to charny then. that was before we ever met.
01:22:17i know. why has something happened about it?
01:22:21no. no. could i trouble you for the salad cream please.
01:22:27speaking personally i think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33nixon. why is he going? no. the astronauts. oh. it's the wives and sweethearts i feel sorry for.
01:22:43we never really talked did we? about things that matter. good isn't it? shows we're friends. now that
01:22:53we know we don't like each other. everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01we've really grown up haven't we? my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too
01:23:06much percy filth. i'm right off it myself. i've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the
01:23:11past few weeks. oh. i expect it's only temporary. i hope not. it's marvellous. good. i don't fancy
01:23:20you in the slightest now. thank you love. still off the food i noticed.
01:23:32and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future. fantastic. for example say i finally did
01:23:38marry someone like you. only someone i love. i bet i'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green
01:23:43socks every night. in bed a bit.
01:23:51and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of kenny warhol and marry her three
01:23:55days later. we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals. i expect you're going to the
01:24:03match this afternoon. oh yeah. i'm helping sandra packer go in a way case. where's she going? hospital.
01:24:13well we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:28well we'll bump into each other.
01:24:34Oh, hello Mrs. Battersby, you won't remember me?
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:33Hi.
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Oh, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:25:59I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends.
01:26:24Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:26Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:18We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:14Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:15Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:16Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:17Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:18And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
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