- 6 months ago
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49But they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:05:00Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:05:01Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:05:02First you're up there on another plane,
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:10And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really.
00:06:07Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:20The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:25Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:06:43I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:06:44No, really.
00:06:45I really do.
00:06:46Some people don't.
00:06:47I do.
00:06:48I do.
00:06:49Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:06:50Paul McCartney's never going to ring that door.
00:06:51I do.
00:06:52and invite you to the pictures.
00:06:53Paul McCartney who?
00:06:54He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:06:57I do.
00:06:58And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:06:59I sacrifice too much for your sick soul.
00:07:00I do.
00:07:01I do.
00:07:02I do.
00:07:03I do.
00:07:04I do.
00:07:05I do.
00:07:06Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:07Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:10Paul McCartney who?
00:07:11He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:12And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:13I sacrifice too much for your sick soul levels.
00:07:16Five.
00:07:17You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:19I never touched you.
00:07:20Terrific self control.
00:07:21What did you say your name was?
00:07:24Cyan's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:26Paul McCartney who?
00:07:27I do.
00:07:28Oh, she's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:29Paul McCartney who?
00:07:30He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:32And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:34I sacrificed too much for your sick soul levels.
00:07:37Five.
00:07:38You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:39I never touched you.
00:07:40Terrific self control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:44Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:47Ah.
00:09:04Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:35Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:47That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:50It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51What?
00:09:52Got it.
00:09:53Got what?
00:09:55You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:09:57I say I do.
00:09:59You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:02How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:04No, I don't.
00:10:05Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:06No, I don't.
00:10:08Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:11Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:14It does not.
00:10:16I thought it did.
00:10:18Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:20I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:21You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:22I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:23In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:24We're just good friends.
00:10:25Good night.
00:10:26Good night.
00:10:27I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:28In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:29We're just good friends.
00:10:30Good night.
00:10:31Good night.
00:10:32Oh, my mother's close to the house.
00:10:33Good night.
00:10:39Good night.
00:10:41Good night.
00:10:45Good night.
00:10:49Good night.
00:10:50Good night.
00:10:55Good night.
00:10:57Good night.
00:10:58Miss Bardot, marry me.
00:11:05You know what they say?
00:11:08Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:13It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:35Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Is it you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:58I saved him for a change instead.
00:12:11Ticket.
00:12:12I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:13We're late already.
00:12:14See you behind the goal then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:27Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:29Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:40Aye!
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway.
00:13:01They're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:21At least I've got me proud.
00:13:22Oh, hello.
00:13:23Oh, hi.
00:13:24Hi.
00:13:25Didn't see you.
00:13:26No, Normie.
00:13:27You going that way?
00:13:28Yeah.
00:13:29Not especially, no.
00:13:30You going that?
00:13:31Yeah.
00:13:32Well, um, no.
00:13:33I was sort of...
00:13:34Going to the football match?
00:13:35Are you?
00:13:36Shopping.
00:13:37I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:38I am.
00:13:39Which?
00:13:40Which are you?
00:13:41Any.
00:13:42I am.
00:13:43I am.
00:13:44See you then.
00:13:45Tonight?
00:13:46Pardon?
00:13:47Oh, I...
00:13:48Right, then.
00:13:49Right.
00:13:50I'm going to the football match.
00:13:51You're going to the football match?
00:13:52Are you?
00:13:53Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:42And...
00:14:43We're killed.
00:14:44Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
00:14:45Oh, no, no, no, no!
00:14:46What did he score?
00:14:47Lose in.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:51Oh!
00:14:52Oh!
00:14:53Oh.
00:14:54Oh!
00:14:55Oh!
00:14:56Oh!
00:14:57Oh!
00:14:58Oh, oh!
00:14:59Oh!
00:15:00Oh!
00:15:01Oh!
00:15:02Oh, oh, no!
00:15:03Oh!
00:15:04Oh!
00:15:05Oh!
00:15:06Oh!
00:15:07Oh, oh, oh!
00:15:08Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me. I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:35Surprise, surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:54Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:07She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:30Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:41Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:48Was he the errand boy?
00:16:49Was who the errand boy?
00:16:50Ken Thingy.
00:16:51He directed it.
00:16:52Oh, yes.
00:16:53I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:54Probably.
00:16:55You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:56Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:57It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:16:58And you talk to me the whole way.
00:16:59Like a person.
00:17:00Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:01Sex.
00:17:02Marriage.
00:17:03What?
00:17:04What?
00:17:05What?
00:17:06What?
00:17:07What?
00:17:08What?
00:17:09What?
00:17:10What?
00:17:11What?
00:17:12What?
00:17:13What?
00:17:14What?
00:17:15What?
00:17:16What?
00:17:17What?
00:17:18What?
00:17:19What?
00:17:20What?
00:17:21What?
00:17:22What?
00:17:23What?
00:17:24What?
00:17:25What?
00:17:26What?
00:17:27What?
00:17:28What?
00:17:29What?
00:17:30The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58Perci-filth?
00:17:59Perci-filth?
00:18:00Sex.
00:18:01That's what I said.
00:18:02Oh.
00:18:03Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:04Not Perci-filth motivated?
00:18:05No.
00:18:06No.
00:18:07No.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Nice house.
00:19:0625-year mortgage.
00:19:07Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:09Funny, isn't it?
00:19:10Our first date with someone.
00:19:11It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:15Either nothing or something.
00:19:30You're asked.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:01I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:31Mo an.
00:20:32Nibs Pikachu.
00:20:33Light.
00:20:34How it is, eh?
00:20:36Yep, lovely.
00:21:00Are you there?
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27German sod.
00:22:28Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07Like...
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:07Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:38Why don't we always do that?
00:24:39Ninety-three times a day?
00:24:40We never see anything.
00:24:45Why don't we always do that?
00:24:47Ninety-three times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:51We never see anything.
00:24:52Let's go.
00:24:54And they'll be running to bed then.
00:24:55Let's go.
00:25:00It took a little bit of heat and dreaming.
00:25:02It's just as the sun was rising
00:25:04I heard the maiden singing
00:25:05in the valley below
00:25:07My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:08See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:10My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promised he's going to take the stream back in Geoffrey.
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:46Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:47Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:48Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:49Is that Beryl?
00:26:50Yes.
00:26:51Yes.
00:26:52Hi.
00:26:53Hi.
00:26:54Hi.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:56It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:26:58Getting to know a person.
00:26:58It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:26:59Getting to know a person.
00:27:00It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:03Getting to know a person.
00:27:04Fantastic.
00:27:24I want to know all about, Laurie.
00:27:25It's very exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:26Fantastic.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:36That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:53Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:58Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:18Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:25What now?
00:28:28No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:42Hmm.
00:28:43He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:02You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:12I don't think I have.
00:29:13It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:14See?
00:29:15Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:31It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:34Men can do anything. Conquer Everest. Do heart transplants. Become leader of the opposition. Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:00I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:03I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:06All Saturdays.
00:30:09Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:17Oh, Beryl.
00:30:18Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl!
00:30:21Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:24I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:27Pardon?
00:30:30Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:40I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:43It's not!
00:30:47Urgh!
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:56Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:56Isn't it awful?
00:31:57What?
00:31:58I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:59What's happening in the world?
00:32:00I blame the politicians.
00:32:01What for?
00:32:02For what's happening in the world.
00:32:04Talk to her.
00:32:06Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:08Tasty.
00:32:10Very in oil.
00:32:12She's got a bad leg.
00:32:14The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:16I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:18He does something with the bleach.
00:32:19I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:22Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27She's got a bad leg.
00:32:30The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33After this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:38Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sorting sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:52I start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses. All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:42Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:44Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:57They're nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:03So I shouted back at her. No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:09In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:12He thumped you.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you one?
00:34:16No.
00:34:17I said nearly.
00:34:19You never thump me, will you?
00:34:23Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:25She adores it.
00:34:27Of course not.
00:34:28No.
00:34:29Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:31It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:32He used to talk to me.
00:34:33All right.
00:34:34Let's talk.
00:34:35Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:36Why?
00:34:37Is your mum going out?
00:34:38May as well pack in, really.
00:34:39Why?
00:34:40Why not?
00:34:41Good thinking.
00:34:42Oh.
00:34:43Oh.
00:34:44Oh.
00:34:45Oh.
00:34:46Oh.
00:34:47Oh.
00:34:48Oh.
00:34:49Oh.
00:34:50Oh.
00:34:51Oh.
00:34:52Oh.
00:34:53Oh.
00:34:54Oh.
00:34:55Oh.
00:34:56Oh.
00:34:57Oh.
00:34:58Oh.
00:34:59Oh.
00:35:00Oh.
00:35:01Oh.
00:35:02Oh.
00:35:03Oh.
00:35:04Oh.
00:35:05Oh.
00:35:06Oh.
00:35:07Oh.
00:35:08Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:13Psychedelic.
00:35:14You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been a gasp.
00:35:20Groovy.
00:35:21I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24Oh.
00:35:25I won't look back anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:27It's been a gasp.
00:35:28You've said that once.
00:35:30you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:43about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:36:00I just had the most super idea that Sandra Sandra you're Sandra mine
00:36:22two months two months nine days
00:36:27is she positive the test was what are you gonna do she'll think of something
00:36:34Sandra it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations I hope you'll both be very happy oh thanks kid
00:36:43Sandra I don't know how you do it
00:36:46often
00:36:57like
00:36:59you
00:37:04don't
00:37:05don't
00:37:07yeah
00:37:09you
00:37:11you
00:37:13you
00:37:15John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:41And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:38:59Beryl?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:06Seen one.
00:39:07You've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:33They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the loss.
00:39:45Wasn't I?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:55Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Let's go inside, then.
00:40:24Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:54What's your name again?
00:41:06What's yours?
00:41:08Rock.
00:41:09That's not your real name.
00:41:10No.
00:41:11Stephen.
00:41:12Mmm.
00:41:13God, that turns me on.
00:41:14Mmm.
00:41:15Mmm.
00:41:16Mmm.
00:41:17Mmm.
00:41:18Mmm.
00:41:19Mmm.
00:41:20Mmm.
00:41:21Mmm.
00:41:22Mmm.
00:41:23Mmm.
00:41:24Mmm.
00:41:25Mmm.
00:41:26Mmm.
00:41:27Mmm.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29Mmm.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35Mmm.
00:41:36Mmm.
00:41:37Mmm.
00:41:38When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:51However gorgeous.
00:41:53Mmm.
00:41:54Mmm.
00:41:55Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:13Mmm.
00:42:14Mmm.
00:42:15Mmm.
00:42:16Mmm.
00:42:17Mmm.
00:42:18Testing.
00:42:19Testing.
00:42:20Oh, Geoffrey Milleup returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up!
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46What are you fed up about?
00:42:50Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No.
00:42:54They just mark it.
00:42:56Anyone can mark it.
00:42:58They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:21How do you do?
00:43:22Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:24Jeremy.
00:43:25Bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy.
00:43:29Little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:39Do you?
00:43:41Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:01Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:05One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:08The others don't bother.
00:44:10Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:12Then you have a baby.
00:44:14Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:16They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:19People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:29N-no, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:35Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:40Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:45In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:45:0050.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1460p?
00:45:2060p.
00:45:2260p?
00:45:33Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Yes.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:23This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Good night, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:21Good night.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:45I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:46Well, you always say you do.
00:47:47Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:48Yes, Dad.
00:47:49And we don't complain.
00:47:50No, Dad.
00:47:51But last night was different.
00:47:52I knew you'd understand.
00:47:53I knew you'd understand.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56No.
00:47:57Who was that night was different.
00:47:58The night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00.
00:48:04MUSIC CONTINUES
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:49Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00It's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:08Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:11Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:28If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:46Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53Working in a bank.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55Working in a bank.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Hi.
00:51:58Hi.
00:51:59Hi.
00:52:00I've had this bad scene.
00:52:01This chick.
00:52:02decided to split.
00:52:04I've had this bad scene.
00:52:05I've had this bad scene.
00:52:06This chick.
00:52:07I've decided to split.
00:52:09So I cut out, man.
00:52:10Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:12This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:13This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:14Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:15What is?
00:52:16Working in a bank.
00:52:17Oh.
00:52:18I had this bad scene.
00:52:19This chick.
00:52:20I decided to split.
00:52:21So I cut out, man.
00:52:22Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:23Yeah.
00:52:24This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:25This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:53I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Why?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:58Erm, no.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Catching over.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm-hmm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17Marriage certificate.
00:55:18Dogs license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grasp.
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl,
00:55:38she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course,
00:55:42because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future,
00:56:11I'm sure...
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me,
00:56:14you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14I'm right, aren't I, Neville?
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40Ah, it's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23It's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey?
00:59:52Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs.
00:59:59That's better.
01:00:04It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:12Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then? Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:45Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:56Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:07Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:16Have fun.
01:01:20Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:23I didn't try at all.
01:01:24Gave it a rest.
01:01:25do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can I
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