- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:49La, la, la, la.
00:06:52La, la, la.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24and please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six old levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:47Ah
00:08:47Sandra
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07If I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying
00:10:12Quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven
00:10:16Outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:19Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven
00:10:20Outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip
00:10:25Miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14Marry me
00:11:16Marry me
00:11:18Marry me
00:11:20Marry me
00:11:22Marry me
00:11:24Marry me
00:11:26Marry me
00:11:28Marry me
00:11:29Marry me
00:11:30About time and all
00:11:31Hi
00:11:31Hi
00:11:32Peace man
00:11:33Marry me
00:11:34Marry me
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Marry me
00:11:38Great
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied
00:11:40I stayed in for a change
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done
00:11:56I stayed in for a change instead
00:11:59Ticket? I ain't got my ticket
00:12:20We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal then
00:12:24Marry!
00:12:26Marry!
00:12:27Yes!
00:12:28Marry!
00:12:29Marry!
00:12:29Marry!
00:12:30Marry!
00:12:31Marry!
00:12:32Marry!
00:12:33Marry!
00:12:34Marry!
00:12:35Marry!
00:12:36Marry!
00:12:37Marry!
00:12:38Marry!
00:12:39Just...
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43Snooty old bag
00:12:45Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark
00:13:02Rumour has it
00:13:10Different girl every night
00:13:12You can tell the type
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move
00:13:23At least I've got me proud
00:13:25Oh, hello
00:13:26Oh, hi!
00:13:28Hi!
00:13:29Didn't see you!
00:13:30No, Normie
00:13:32You're going that way?
00:13:34Yeah
00:13:35Not especially, no
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well
00:13:40Um
00:13:41No
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58I am
00:14:06See you then
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right then
00:14:11Right
00:14:19Super socks
00:14:20Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs
00:14:26The lot of them
00:14:45The score?
00:14:47Losing 3-1
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:16Excuse me, I...
00:15:17I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:24Ah
00:15:28Hi!
00:15:30Hello, mate
00:15:31Oh, um
00:15:32Peace man
00:15:33Surprise, surprise
00:15:34Surprise
00:15:35Surprise
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures
00:15:38The boyfriend
00:15:39She's slim
00:15:40I'm just going to the...
00:15:41Oh, I'll come with you
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um
00:15:47You know
00:15:51You know
00:15:52Oh
00:15:53Oh
00:16:03Would you, uh
00:16:05Would you sort of reckon
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird
00:16:10Sort of
00:16:12She's all right
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously
00:16:17Geoffrey
00:16:18She's a bird
00:16:23You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid
00:16:25Neville's ravenous
00:16:27You've just eaten
00:16:30Oh, of course
00:16:31Yeah, sorry
00:16:32You see
00:16:36What I thought Ken was always trying to do
00:16:38By implication
00:16:40Probably by implication
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement
00:16:46You see
00:16:48Yes
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy
00:16:55He directed it
00:16:57Oh, yes
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol
00:17:02Probably
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way
00:17:17Like a person
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days
00:17:25Sex
00:17:26Marriage
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm
00:17:43No
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, it is
00:17:50A bit obsessed these days
00:17:54Not marriage
00:17:56No, sex
00:17:59Percy Filth
00:18:02Sex
00:18:03That's what I said
00:18:05Oh
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated
00:18:11No
00:18:13No
00:18:15Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah
00:18:38This is it
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date
00:18:45No
00:18:46Oh
00:18:47Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own
00:18:48Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:49Yes, Geoffrey
00:18:51Ah
00:18:52Oh
00:18:53Nice house
00:18:54Thank you
00:18:5525-year mortgage
00:18:57Well, thanks for seeing me home
00:18:58own. Is that a reason for me not coming in now? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:13Nice house. Thank you. 25 year mortgage.
00:19:20Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing or something.
00:19:39Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:103274421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Erm...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:273274421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:31Out, two, three...
00:20:34One.
00:20:36One.
00:20:37One.
00:20:38One.
00:20:41Two.
00:20:42Two.
00:20:43Two...
00:20:47To!
00:20:48well hello mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea. oh they all
00:21:05have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:09can't be Mother's Day you'd have forgotten. has there been any clips? mom I want the benefit of your
00:21:19experience. what do you think of Andy Warhol? you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's Jeffrey? of course Jeffrey knows about these things. these things. everything. who's
00:21:34Jeffrey? he's fantastically intelligent. see Jeffrey's idea. Beryl who's Jeffrey? oh no one.
00:21:48no one's special. his name's Jeffrey.
00:21:55how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then? what Beryl Bird? I told him. did she uh...
00:22:05did she uh... what? wow. she doesn't then. you don't listen do you? I said. how about Sandra?
00:22:19how about Sandra?
00:22:27chips. chums. sod.
00:22:34not seen him tonight then.
00:22:40who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do thank you.
00:22:55said he was no one special.
00:22:58have they got a phone here?
00:23:01why?
00:23:03they haven't have they?
00:23:05do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11look are you fed up here?
00:23:13are you?
00:23:15we'll split after this game.
00:23:16anything you say.
00:23:17we can go for a few of the king's head.
00:23:19great.
00:23:21and that ends our probe.
00:23:23well Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25hallelujah.
00:23:27pardon?
00:23:28i don't know what you're paying for that phone but whatever it is you're being done.
00:23:31good night.
00:23:32good night.
00:23:33good morning.
00:23:35morning.
00:23:36Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:06Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:27So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:36Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:53No.
00:24:54No.
00:24:55No.
00:24:56We were warm just as the sun was rising.
00:24:58I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:03My typing not disturbing, you're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:33He never promises he's going to take this to the bathroom and film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:01Five, which is, which is, three and two's five, which is two less than seven, which is, oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh, my lot.
00:26:24At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:34It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:36It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:58Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:28No.
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:21Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologized.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologize again.
00:31:17I apologize again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53It's not thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:12He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:51Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:20Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know.
00:37:34John for Pope.
00:37:43Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no.
00:38:11That's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16Oh, my God.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Oh, I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, Uncle Ross.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49You used to be crazy about him.
00:41:06I was always following him.
00:41:08Okay.
00:41:10What was the phrase, never to turn?
00:41:10Okay.
00:41:11Good.
00:41:12Good news.
00:41:13What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No, Stephen.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:39I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:13I'm going to go.
00:42:19Testing. Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Milleup returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:47What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No.
00:42:54They just mark it.
00:42:56Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:00Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:41Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:0250.
00:45:03Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:41He's going now.
00:45:42Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:53Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:26I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me reign.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:18Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:48She used to put on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad seat, this chick.
00:52:30I decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man.
00:52:35Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:56Sorry, I know, I understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Fine.
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I'm really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinoleby.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bold.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:33Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:08Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:30Pathetic.
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50Perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:20Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:39Sorry.
00:59:45Jeffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillms low road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:06Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:58PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21I'm a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:04I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:07She nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:32Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54What do you think it?
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51Is he looking at me?
01:10:56Hello.
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm. My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh. What's your theory? Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh. What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing. Oh, what's that? If God had meant sardines to be in oil,
01:11:23it had given them dipsticks. All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:31we still have deadlock. Her Majesty's government
01:11:35have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:43And what NO spells. And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:47I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says,
01:11:55end this dispute. End it now.
01:11:59Good night. Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't I?
01:12:05Terrific. Especially when he said good night.
01:12:09We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:11Having a good time.
01:12:13Just having fun.
01:12:15Being happy!
01:12:17Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:31That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl. How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right? Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar. Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:05Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:09Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:19It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you what is.
01:13:27What is?
01:13:29To be on our own.
01:13:31What?
01:13:33So as we can talk.
01:13:35What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:07The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think...
01:14:26See what I think...
01:14:27Go on.
01:14:28No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl.
01:14:38Are you...
01:14:39...happy?
01:14:40Of course.
01:14:41Very.
01:14:42I am.
01:14:43No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:46No.
01:14:47I'm not.
01:14:48I'm not.
01:14:49Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:14:50Probably.
01:14:51Probably.
01:14:52I've not actually said the words often.
01:14:54Well, do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:08There's a lot about me.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:24Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16When's the kick-off?
01:25:29Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Good place, shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:05Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Fancy!
01:28:01Fancy!
01:28:06Fancy!
01:28:08Fancy!
01:28:09Fancy!
01:28:11Fancy!
01:28:12And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
Be the first to comment