- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:44And he's picturing the papers.
00:01:46Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:01:48No I don't want to.
00:01:50I want to wait.
00:01:52I want to wait.
00:01:54I want to wait.
00:01:56But he might come in a minute.
00:01:58Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:00But that was yesterday.
00:02:01He might be here today.
00:02:02Oh no.
00:02:03I don't really dare standing here.
00:02:04Come on.
00:02:05I want to wait.
00:02:06You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:07I want to wait.
00:02:08Please let's go.
00:02:09Oh no.
00:02:10I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:11Feel a right twit now.
00:02:12I don't fancy yours.
00:02:13Which is mine.
00:02:14Any except the blonde.
00:02:15He's supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:17But he might.
00:02:18Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no!
00:02:24I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:26I feel a right twit now.
00:02:28I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:42I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any?
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsytung's grandad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up as a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:16I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:41Every single time.
00:04:42Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:56Every single time.
00:05:00Love and rainy weather.
00:05:02First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:42Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:46Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:49Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:51Right?
00:05:52What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:55Right on.
00:05:57You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:58Tonight?
00:05:59Tomorrow night?
00:06:00Every night.
00:06:01You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:02Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm hungry.
00:07:00I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:13I do.
00:07:15Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:17Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:22He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:25And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Levels?
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:36Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:59Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:14Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:30It's not my fault.
00:08:32It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:47Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:18Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45You were night.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:52What?
00:09:53Got it.
00:09:54Got what?
00:09:55You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:09:59You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:02How about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:04No I don't.
00:10:05Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:07No I don't.
00:10:08Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:10Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:13It does not.
00:10:14I thought it did.
00:10:15Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:16I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:18You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:19I don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:20We're just good friends.
00:10:21Good night.
00:10:22Good night.
00:10:23Good night.
00:10:24OK.
00:10:25Good night.
00:10:26KNOCK
00:10:27What?
00:10:28How does the Zip miraculously undo?
00:10:29It does not.
00:10:30I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:34I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:50Miss Bardot, marry me.
00:10:56You know what they say?
00:10:59Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:03Miss Bardot, marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:02Upon me?
00:12:03Have in.
00:12:04They don't have a chance to access to."
00:12:07Is Wasp.
00:12:10Ticket?
00:12:11I have lost an Rail combine.
00:12:14But I don't have the chance to get a ticket open to chambers.
00:12:17Please.
00:12:18Ticket? I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20What's wrong?
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah.
00:13:41Well, um...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:51I am.
00:13:52Which?
00:13:53Which are you?
00:13:54Any.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56See you then.
00:13:57Tonight?
00:13:58Pardon?
00:13:59Oh, I...
00:14:00All right then.
00:14:01Right.
00:14:02Super socks.
00:14:03Did you see that?
00:14:04They're all on drugs.
00:14:05A lot of them.
00:14:06No.
00:14:07No.
00:14:08No!
00:14:09Why not?
00:14:11No.
00:14:12I'm gonna go home all evening.
00:14:14No.
00:14:16Thus!
00:14:18No na,nes!
00:14:20The picture shows all over the hanging here.
00:14:23Loving them!
00:14:25He started having aλivis.
00:14:26Oh,heinland.
00:14:27The hay!
00:14:28The wall, the bilder!
00:14:31The wall, the mill!
00:14:32They became a small stack of Radio.
00:14:34How did he score?
00:14:47Losing, 3-1.
00:15:04Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me. I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:21No, thanks, kid.
00:16:22Neville's ravenous.
00:16:23You've just eaten.
00:16:24Oh, of course.
00:16:25Yeah.
00:16:26Sorry.
00:16:27You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:28By implication.
00:16:29Probably by implication.
00:16:30Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:31You see?
00:16:32Yes.
00:16:33Was he the errand boy?
00:16:34Was who the errand boy?
00:16:35Ken Thingy.
00:16:36He directed it.
00:16:37Oh, yes.
00:16:38Oh, yes.
00:16:39I was.
00:16:40I was.
00:16:41I was.
00:16:42I was.
00:16:43I was.
00:16:44I was.
00:16:45I was.
00:16:46I was.
00:16:47I was.
00:16:48I was.
00:16:49I was.
00:16:50I was.
00:16:51I was.
00:16:52I was.
00:16:53I was.
00:16:54I was.
00:16:55I was.
00:16:56I was.
00:16:57I was.
00:16:58I was.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:18Like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:55No.
00:17:56Sex.
00:17:57Percy Phil.
00:17:59Sex.
00:18:00That's what I said.
00:18:01Oh.
00:18:02Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:03Not person felt motivated.
00:18:04No.
00:18:05No.
00:18:06No.
00:18:07No.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:12Ken Russell?
00:18:13Yeah.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:09Nice house.
00:19:11Twenty-five-year mortgage.
00:19:12Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:13Funny, isn't it?
00:19:14First date with someone.
00:19:15It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:18Either nothing, or something.
00:19:23Or everything.
00:19:24Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:27I'm not.
00:19:28No, I'm not.
00:19:29first date with someone it always leads to one of three things either nothing or something
00:19:40or everything well don't think about percy filth at this stage beryl
00:19:49no i'm not
00:19:52night night god bless
00:19:59i won't give you my phone number in case you think i'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and
00:20:13the two make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and
00:20:18half of two which is one um but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to not if you'd rather not three two seven double four two one good night
00:20:42well hello mrs battersby beryl's brought you up a cup of tea oh we all have a past life flash before me
00:21:07then
00:21:11can't be mother's day you'd have forgotten has there been any clips mom i want the benefit of
00:21:19your experience what you think of andy warhol you see jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's jeffrey of course jeffrey knows about these things oh these things everything who's jeffrey he's
00:21:35fantastically intelligent see jeffrey's idea better who's jeffrey oh no one
00:21:48no one's special
00:21:53his name's jeffrey
00:21:54how did this barrel bird turn out last night then
00:22:02what barrel bird i told him did she uh did she uh what wow
00:22:12she doesn't then you don't listen do you i said how about sundry
00:22:27chips
00:22:34not seeing him tonight then
00:22:36who
00:22:45i've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:55said he was no one special
00:22:57i've got a phone here why they haven't have they do you want to get some nookie lined up or
00:23:07something if i did do you think i'd be playing darts with you two look are you fed up here
00:23:14are you we'll split after this game anything you say you can go for a few of the king's head
00:23:19great
00:23:21and that ends our pro
00:23:23well monday tomorrow hallelujah
00:23:28i don't know what you're paying for that phone but whatever it is you're being done good night
00:23:44good morning
00:24:00good morning
00:24:01Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:13What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:17Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:22Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:25Except those. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:30Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:25:00I heard a maiden singing in the valley. My typing not disturbing your singing a hope. See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:05Oh, Geoffrey. That's Neville's the greatest. Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:14I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One day it was enough. Why?
00:25:29He's cancer and I'm Libra. Is that bad? Hopeless.
00:25:34Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:38Five. Five. Five. Which is... Which is... Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven.
00:25:43Which is... Which is... Oh.
00:25:48I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:25:55Bank clocks. Your lot. Football supporters. Hippies. Oh. My lot.
00:26:00At the third stroke, it will be 7. 22 and 42 seconds.
00:26:03At the third stroke, it will be 7. 22 and 42 seconds.
00:26:055. Five. Five. Five. Five. Which is... Which is... Which is... Which is...
00:26:10And... Which is the... Which is... Which is...
00:26:13etwaspu верmempires.
00:26:14I'm from the Letters I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:15Bank clocks.
00:26:16Your lot.
00:26:17Football supporters.
00:26:18Hippies.
00:26:19Oh.
00:26:20My lot.
00:26:21At the third stroke, it will be 7. 22 and 42 seconds.
00:26:26It will be 7. 22 and 150 seconds.
00:26:297.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:36It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:41That's it then. Fate.
00:26:44All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:48So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:06It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:12Fantastic.
00:27:13I want to know all about you.
00:27:15That's what it's all about.
00:27:16For example, with things in common already.
00:27:17Definitely.
00:27:19Like what?
00:27:20Like what?
00:27:22Like what?
00:27:24It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:30I want to know all about you.
00:27:33I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:07You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:29:59It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm okay.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:44It's not!
00:30:48Urgh!
00:30:50It's only the angels crying.
00:30:54I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true!
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:35Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57What?
00:31:59I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:01What's happening in the world?
00:32:03I blame the politicians.
00:32:05What for?
00:32:07For what's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:13For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Mine goes blank.
00:32:54It's like thinking about life after death.
00:32:57Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:01Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:04Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:07Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:44Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:24I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:48Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:05Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to post it now?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:25Two months, nine days.
00:36:27Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:56Two months.
00:36:57Three minutes.
00:36:58Two, three.
00:36:59Five.
00:37:01One night.
00:37:02Two, three.
00:37:07Twou..
00:37:09Five.
00:37:10Six.
00:37:14Three.
00:37:16Eight.
00:37:19Six.
00:37:24Three.
00:37:25Five.
00:37:26John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:52And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:22All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm, please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:51What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:54Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:58Mmm.
00:41:58Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:28I'm fed up. Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:47What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:00Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:09Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do? Don't my mum and dad know he's here? Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them. Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:34Even big astronauts. Do you know where babies come from? Do you? Say no.
00:43:43No. I do. Say yes. Shall I tell you? He knows.
00:43:47The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that. One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother. Anyway, that's what you have to do. Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class. People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30N-No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:49In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:23Good night, love.
00:45:24We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:32Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:43Goodnight, love.
00:45:47We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:02Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:19What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:18What's for breakfast?
00:47:30You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:32Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:36I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:39Something cropped up.
00:47:40Like what?
00:47:42Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:57I knew you'd understand.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59PHONE RINGS
00:48:11BELL RINGS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me and Ryan. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:37You should know. Or me. Know what I mean?
00:48:43What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot. Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:55Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:48:59No, it's true. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:03It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:19He had to invite him. He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:23He'll see other girls.
00:49:25I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't. It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:33Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up. He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:57Send mine knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:59Send mine knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:03Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:07I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:11She might have changed, of course.
00:50:13If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:15He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:17Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:19Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:21At least I've got me pride.
00:50:23I'm sorry.
00:50:25I'm sorry.
00:50:27I'm sorry.
00:50:29I'm sorry.
00:50:31I'm sorry.
00:50:33I'm sorry.
00:50:35I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:37She might have changed, of course.
00:50:39If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:41He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:43Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:45I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11Actually...
00:51:12Did you?
00:51:13Did I say more?
00:51:14Pardon?
00:51:15And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:16Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:18It isn't like you.
00:51:19Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:20What's your name, handsome?
00:51:21You'll laugh.
00:51:22Everybody laughs.
00:51:23It's the story of my life.
00:51:24You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:25She used to put on an axe.
00:51:26What do you care?
00:51:27I don't, Beryl, baby.
00:51:28I don't, Beryl, baby.
00:51:29I don't care.
00:51:30I don't care, Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:34You'll laugh.
00:51:35Everybody laughs.
00:51:36It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:42She used to put on an axe.
00:51:43What do you care?
00:51:44I don't have a baby.
00:51:49Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:04Probably.
00:52:06Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:15It is.
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:25I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:31So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:43Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:00I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:12She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:16Neither.
00:53:21It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:30Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:45Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:18You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:29Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's licence.
00:55:18Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:45Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:13I'm right, aren't I, Neville?
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:24Why not?
00:56:25I said don't.
00:56:26You're not to smoke it.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville.
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:37Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:42I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair.
00:57:54Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:05You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:58Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:03He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:16Oh.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right.
00:59:25Honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:39Oh.
00:59:40Oh.
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:56Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:04having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:25Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:38Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:52And me.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17I know either.
01:02:43I know.
01:03:07A barrel.
01:03:09A barrel.
01:03:14Hmm.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:21Oh, Beryl.
01:03:23Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:28Oh, God!
01:03:29Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48We're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:59PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:29The small world.
01:04:37Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:38Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:43Oh?
01:04:45Probably this one.
01:04:48Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:04:50Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:04:52Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:04:56Oh, yes.
01:04:59Oh, yes.
01:05:02Oh, yes.
01:05:05You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:35Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:58Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:08I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:19Away from home.
01:06:20They've won three.
01:06:21Drawn five.
01:06:22And lost twelve.
01:06:23Drawn five.
01:06:24So what do you think?
01:06:25I think I nearly love you.
01:06:28I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:01I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:07I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:21Grace who?
01:07:22We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:25Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love.
01:07:30And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:36even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er, boys are very safe.
01:07:41And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:50Let's see.
01:07:51Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:57Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:03What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:06Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:10They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:12Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:27Fantastic.
01:08:28The cowgills.
01:08:29Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:30Married couple.
01:08:31Newlyweds.
01:08:32Not long married.
01:08:34You go bald doing that.
01:08:49Doing what?
01:08:51Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:27I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:32Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:36Oh.
01:09:37No, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:42I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:53You think it!
01:09:54All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:45Hello?
01:10:46You all right, son?
01:10:47Terrific.
01:10:48Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:10:49Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:50Hmm.
01:10:51My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:52Oh.
01:10:53What's your theory?
01:10:54Indigestion.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56Oh.
01:10:57What's your theory?
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59What's your theory?
01:11:00Indigestion.
01:11:01Oh.
01:11:02What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:03Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:04He has said one thing.
01:11:05He has said one thing.
01:11:06Oh?
01:11:07What's that?
01:11:08If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:09All right.
01:11:10The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:17deadlock.
01:11:18Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:23Another wild night.
01:11:24I'm sorry.
01:11:25I'm sorry.
01:11:26I'm sorry.
01:11:27I'm sorry.
01:11:28I'm sorry.
01:11:29I'm sorry.
01:11:30I'm sorry.
01:11:31I'm sorry.
01:11:32I'm sorry.
01:11:33I'm sorry.
01:11:34I'm sorry.
01:11:35I'm sorry.
01:11:36I'm sorry.
01:11:37I'm sorry.
01:11:38Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting
01:11:43married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:47Great.
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:57End it now.
01:11:59Goodnight.
01:12:00Hear, hear.
01:12:01Good, weren't I?
01:12:03Triffic.
01:12:04Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:09Having a good time.
01:12:11Just having fun.
01:12:12Being happy.
01:12:14Take two a day, after meals.
01:12:18And one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing
01:12:21for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:01Amen.
01:13:02Oh, hell.
01:13:03Hands up again.
01:13:04See you tomorrow.
01:13:05Where do you think you're going?
01:13:06Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:07It's important.
01:13:08What is?
01:13:09I keep asking you why.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12What is?
01:13:13To be on our own.
01:13:14What?
01:13:15So as we can talk.
01:13:16What?
01:13:17What?
01:13:18So as we can talk.
01:13:19Look...
01:13:20What?
01:13:21Do you think we are...
01:13:23I'm about to figure it out.
01:13:25It's about going.
01:13:27What?
01:13:28We're quite not going.
01:13:29nuit.
01:13:30Let's get away from her.
01:13:31Hang on down till she was midnight.
01:13:33every day?
01:13:34Why, do you think it's all gone?
01:13:36What's it all?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:54and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:07The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion, Pole.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:30Do you think it?
01:18:34I think so.
01:18:36We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:02St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells, no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05You, president.
01:22:06Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:07That was before we ever met.
01:22:08I know.
01:22:09Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:10No.
01:22:11Oh?
01:22:12Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:13Hmm.
01:22:14Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:16to the moon.
01:22:17Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No. Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:44We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it? Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:39Only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47Yeah.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:17Well, I'll give you some time.
01:24:19Mhm.
01:24:20Come on.
01:24:22Come on.
01:24:23Come on, Doug!
01:24:25Come on.
01:24:26Come on, Doug!
01:24:28Come on!
01:24:40Come on!
01:24:41Come on!
01:24:43Come on, Doug!
01:24:45Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Jeffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:18Hi. When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now. I'm
01:25:23Beryl. What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:40I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days. Where will you go now then? Don't know.
01:25:47I could always go inside and practice booing for next season. Where will you?
01:25:53Might go and get a new pair of tights. Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:25:59Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:05I've got a new pair of tights. Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:11Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:28Wish we had a ball. Could play shooting in. You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:58Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52He apologizes.
01:28:05Pirates!
01:28:08Pirates!
01:28:16And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:33We've all been seen in the morning
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