- 6 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Let's go.
00:01:46We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:52Every single time
00:04:58Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:43La, la, la
00:06:55La, la, la
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham
00:07:01An evening
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:10I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your sick soul levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:32I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:08:01Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:04Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:15Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:25It's not my fault.
00:08:28It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:31It's-it's psychosomatic.
00:08:36I'm sorry.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:08:48There is almost blonde in this light.
00:08:52Oh Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:26I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:36Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:02What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:05You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:08I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:13How about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:16No I don't.
00:10:17Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:25It does not.
00:10:27I thought it did.
00:10:29Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:40I don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:10:48Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:06You know what they say, Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:13It's about time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:33Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:43Did you get much?
00:11:46Did you?
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:56Paid in for a change instead.
00:12:13Ticket?
00:12:14I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:15We're late already.
00:12:16See you behind the goal then.
00:12:20Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:35Trendy.
00:12:36Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:37Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:38Still, who else would have him?
00:12:39Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:12:40Rumor has it.
00:12:41Rumor has it.
00:12:42Different girl every night.
00:12:43You can tell the type.
00:12:44Different girl every night.
00:12:45You can tell the type.
00:12:46Probably an omen seeing her beside her.
00:12:47You can tell the type.
00:12:48Probably an omen seeing her beside her.
00:12:49You can tell the type.
00:12:50You can tell the type.
00:12:51You can tell the type.
00:12:52Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:12:53I bet we lose 3-1.
00:12:55Well I'm certainly not making you look a good thing.
00:13:00You can tell the type.
00:13:01You can tell the type.
00:13:05Well you can tell me now.
00:13:07Thanks, Tim.
00:13:09What about you?
00:13:10You can tell the type.
00:13:11You can tell the type.
00:13:12What about you?
00:13:13I'm going to tell the whole time.
00:13:15What about you?
00:13:16You can tell the type.
00:13:17You can tell the type.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move, at least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:34Yeah.
00:13:35Not especially, no.
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:50I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27Ahem.
00:14:28Ahem.
00:14:29Ahem.
00:14:30Ahem.
00:14:31Ahem.
00:14:32Ahem.
00:14:33Ahem.
00:14:34Ahem.
00:14:35Ahem.
00:14:36Ahem.
00:14:37Ahem.
00:14:38Ahem.
00:14:39Ahem.
00:14:40Ahem.
00:14:41Ahem.
00:14:42Ahem.
00:14:43Ahem.
00:14:44Ahem.
00:14:45Ahem.
00:14:46Ahem.
00:14:47Ahem.
00:14:48Ahem.
00:14:49Ahem.
00:14:50Ahem.
00:14:51Ahem.
00:14:52Ahem.
00:14:53Ahem.
00:14:54Ahem.
00:14:55Ahem.
00:14:56Ahem.
00:14:57Ahem.
00:14:58Ahem.
00:14:59Ahem.
00:15:00Ahem.
00:15:01Ahem.
00:15:02Ahem.
00:15:03Ahem.
00:15:04Ahem.
00:15:05Ahem.
00:15:06Ahem.
00:15:07Ahem.
00:15:08Ahem.
00:15:09Ahem.
00:15:10Excuse me, I...
00:15:18I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No, thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:33You see, what I thought Kevin was always trying to do...
00:16:38By implication.
00:16:39Probably by implication.
00:16:41Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:48Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Getting married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58That's what I said.
00:17:59Oh.
00:18:00Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:01Not Persifilth-motivated?
00:18:02No.
00:18:03No.
00:18:04No.
00:18:05No.
00:18:06Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:07Ken Russell.
00:18:08Yeah.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10This is it.
00:18:11This is it.
00:18:41I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:12Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:22Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:42Well, don't think about Persifilth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:10The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:25Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:26Good night.
00:20:27Two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:43Good night.
00:20:44well hello mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04they all have a past life flashed before me then can't be Mother's Day you'd have
00:21:13forgotten has there been any clips mom I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:21what do you think of Andy Warhol you see Jeffrey has this theory that by
00:21:26implication who's Jeffrey of course Jeffrey knows about these things oh
00:21:31these things everything who's Jeffrey it's fantastically intelligent see
00:21:37Jeffrey's idea Beryl owes Jeffrey oh no one no one's special his name's Jeffrey
00:21:56how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then what Beryl Bird I told him did she uh
00:22:05did she uh what wow she doesn't then you don't listen do you I said how about Sandra
00:22:19Chips
00:22:28German sod
00:22:34not seen him tonight then
00:22:37who
00:22:42I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game. Anything you say.
00:23:17Go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah. Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:41Good morning.
00:23:43Morning.
00:23:45Good morning.
00:23:46Good morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:23:50Good morning.
00:23:51Good morning.
00:23:53Good morning.
00:23:55Cholton for, Pope
00:23:57Long may you reign.
00:23:59Amen.
00:24:00What's going on?
00:24:01The power's up again.
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:30Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:00Only one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That neville's the greatest.
00:25:27Is he?
00:25:30Dishy, or is he?
00:25:31Dishy.
00:25:32He never promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:57Five.
00:26:00Five.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04Three and two's five.
00:26:05Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:23My lot.
00:26:24At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:29It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:39That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:25Getting to know a person.
00:27:26Fantastic.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Not.
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:09Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:25He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:32It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey!
00:29:45N-O spells no!
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:47Read any women's magazine.
00:29:48It's good for theirs, too.
00:29:49I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:29:51I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:29:54All Saturdays.
00:29:56Beryl.
00:29:57Beryl.
00:29:58Oh, Beryl.
00:29:59Oh, Beryl.
00:30:01Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:02Oh, Beryl.
00:30:04Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:05Oh, Beryl!
00:30:06Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:07Oh, Beryl!
00:30:08Are you all right?
00:30:09What exactly happened?
00:30:10Don't tell me!
00:30:12I just had a sharp bachackardrum.
00:30:13Pardon?
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:16Oh, Beryl.
00:30:17Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:18Oh, Beryl!
00:30:19Are you all right?
00:30:20What exactly happened?
00:30:21Don't tell me!
00:30:22I just had a sharp bachackardrum.
00:30:23Pardon?
00:30:25Come back.
00:30:26They're better.
00:30:27It's better.
00:30:28I'm okay.
00:30:30I told you.
00:30:31It's going to pause.
00:30:32It's not!
00:30:34Urgh!
00:30:35It's only the angels crying.
00:30:38I know how they feel!
00:30:39Well, don't blame me.
00:30:40I haven't done anything.
00:30:41That's true!
00:30:42I have no idea what you're doing.
00:30:44What?
00:30:45What?
00:30:46What?
00:30:47What?
00:30:48What?
00:30:49What?
00:30:50What?
00:30:52What?
00:30:53What?
00:30:54What?
00:30:55What?
00:30:56What?
00:30:57What?
00:30:58What?
00:30:59What?
00:31:00That's true!
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52The old sardine? Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:59Sardine.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:11For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:19Tasty.
00:32:20Very in oil.
00:32:21Nice in oil.
00:32:22She's got a bad leg.
00:32:23The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:24Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:28Yes.
00:32:29Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:30Your mind goes blank.
00:32:31Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:33Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:34Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:35Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:36Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:37Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:38Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:39Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:32:41Geoffrey.
00:32:42Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:43Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:44Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:32:45Geoffrey definitely has.
00:32:46Probably even more.
00:32:47Air hostesses.
00:32:48Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:49Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:50Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:32:51Geoffrey definitely has.
00:32:52Probably even more.
00:32:53Air hostesses.
00:32:54Oh, no.
00:32:55No.
00:32:56No.
00:32:57No.
00:32:58No.
00:32:59No.
00:33:00No.
00:33:01No.
00:33:02No.
00:33:03No.
00:33:04No.
00:33:05No.
00:33:06No.
00:33:07No.
00:33:08No.
00:33:09No.
00:33:10No.
00:33:11No.
00:33:12No.
00:33:13No.
00:33:14No.
00:33:15No.
00:33:16No.
00:33:17No.
00:33:18No.
00:33:19No.
00:33:20No.
00:33:21No.
00:33:22No.
00:33:23No.
00:33:24No.
00:33:25No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28No.
00:33:29No.
00:33:30No.
00:33:31No.
00:33:32No.
00:33:33No.
00:33:34No.
00:33:35No.
00:33:36No.
00:33:37No.
00:33:38No.
00:33:39No.
00:33:40No.
00:33:41No.
00:33:42No.
00:33:43why is jeffrey wow you're not jealous of all my ex flames are you of course not
00:33:50why should i be please stop interrogating me jeffrey forget it that's all in the past
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:03who needs drama
00:34:07so i shouted back at her no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted in the end neville
00:34:11nearly belted me for swearing he thumped you walloped you one no i said nearly
00:34:23you never thump me will you like neville does sandra she adores it of course not no
00:34:34jeffrey percy filth isn't the only thing in life isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:38you used to talk to me all right let's talk
00:34:46jeffrey i've just had the most super idea why is your mum going out
00:34:53may as well pack in really
00:34:57why why not
00:35:00good thinking
00:35:10thanks for stimulating few weeks you too it was real psychedelic
00:35:16you can keep me grateful dead lp was scratched anyway it's been a gas
00:35:21groovy
00:35:24i won't wait from the window no i won't look back anyway good it's been a gas you've said that once
00:35:30you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines
00:35:51mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:36:00you'll never thump me will you jeffrey ow
00:36:04beryl i just had the most super idea are we going to put it up no we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that please don't say that that
00:36:15sandra sandra
00:36:18you're sandra mine
00:36:20two months two months nine days
00:36:28is she positive the test was what are you going to do
00:36:33she'll think of something sandra it's stupendous
00:36:39congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy oh thanks kid
00:36:43sundra i don't know how you do it often
00:36:59so
00:37:03I don't know.
00:37:33John for Pope.
00:37:43Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:54Oh, my God.
00:38:58Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Her.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you're seeing them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:41Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, Uncle Ross.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Oh, my God.
00:41:15I was 11 years old.
00:41:15what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24yourself
00:42:41I'm fed up who are you oh yeah what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what are you doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:15how do you do don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell him
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep even big astronauts do you know where babies come from do you say no no
00:43:34I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:43:41who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:43:48do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you say no no I don't say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:59through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has. Who told you that? Then they
00:44:05go to the fallopian tubes after that. One of them fertilizes with the female egg. The others don't
00:44:10bother. Anyway, that's what you have to do. Then you have a baby. Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class. People can only make babies at certain times of the year,
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:32No, that's people. What is? Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:45Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:45:0050.
00:45:02Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1550p?
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:08Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:18What Wrens?
00:46:20The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself if it will have.
00:46:50Only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:55Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand?
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd.
00:48:01MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope, long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean? What a night.
00:48:46Wow. A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him. He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24I'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:42It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:46He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:00I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:04She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:20He's gone.
00:50:21I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:24She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10Er, I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby. It isn't like you.
00:51:30Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:34You'll laugh.
00:51:35Everybody laughs.
00:51:36It's the story of my life.
00:51:38You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:42She's putting on an axe.
00:51:43What do you care?
00:51:44I don't have a baby.
00:51:45Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53What is?
00:51:54Working in a bank.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57I don't have a baby.
00:51:58I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:56Hmm?
00:52:58Sorry.
00:52:59I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:26Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:29Great to dance to.
00:53:31Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:33Hmm?
00:53:34If so, what's death?
00:53:36Erm...
00:53:38A banana.
00:53:39Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:40Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:41Erm...
00:53:42No.
00:53:43But I've seen the film.
00:53:44Are you married?
00:53:45No.
00:53:46No.
00:53:47No.
00:53:48But I've seen the film.
00:53:49Are you married?
00:53:50No.
00:53:51Grab yourself an adage.
00:53:52Marriage is a cabbage.
00:53:53Are you married?
00:53:54Are you a poet?
00:53:55Never ask the questions.
00:53:56Ask the answers.
00:53:57You are a poet.
00:53:58To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:53:59Good job.
00:54:00Marry the dirt cheap.
00:54:01Marry the dirt cheap.
00:54:02No.
00:54:03No.
00:54:04But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:07Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:08Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:09Are you a poet?
00:54:10Never ask the questions.
00:54:11Ask the answers.
00:54:12You are a poet.
00:54:13To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:14Good job.
00:54:15Marry the dirt cheap.
00:54:16Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:17What's on ITV?
00:54:18This.
00:54:19What's on BBC?
00:54:20What's on BBC?
00:54:21No.
00:54:22No.
00:54:23No.
00:54:24No.
00:54:25No.
00:54:26No.
00:54:27No.
00:54:28No.
00:54:29No.
00:54:30No.
00:54:31No.
00:54:32No.
00:54:33No.
00:54:34No.
00:54:35No.
00:54:36No.
00:54:37No.
00:54:38No.
00:54:39No.
00:54:40No.
00:54:41No.
00:54:42No.
00:54:43No.
00:54:44No.
00:54:45No.
00:54:46No.
00:54:47No.
00:54:48No.
00:54:49No.
00:54:50No.
00:54:51No.
00:54:52No.
00:54:53No.
00:54:54No.
00:54:55No.
00:54:56No.
00:54:57No.
00:54:58No.
00:54:59No.
00:55:00No.
00:55:01No.
00:55:02No.
00:55:03No.
00:55:04No.
00:55:05No.
00:55:06No.
00:55:07No.
00:55:08No.
00:55:09No.
00:55:10No.
00:55:11No.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:22All girls want marriage, and a white wedding.
00:55:25Really basic? You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:38Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong! I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:11If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Argh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:32Neither of us is boss.
00:56:33It just doesn't arise.
00:56:34We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:35Yes.
00:56:36You see, what we believe...
00:56:37Now!
00:56:38You see...
00:56:39Where are one?
00:56:40I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:46What you're doing?
00:56:47Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:03Burn my bra.
00:57:12my bra. Right, that's it. Finished. The end. Full stop. We finally split up. Neville, Sandra
00:57:25wants you. I should imagine. Sad, isn't it? Pathetic. Well, I can't follow plays these
00:57:39days. Oh, it's just showing real life, that's all. I once thought I'd found her. A perfect
00:57:52girl. Red hair. Not too skinny. Very gentle and shy. Passionate when roused. Yeah. I should
00:58:07pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick. You're very sweet, Roland. I've always thought
00:58:13you were. Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin? It's just I'm a bit tired. No,
00:58:22it's nice.
00:58:37I don't think I've washed that one. Oh, sorry. Do you know... What, Beryl? She can ask me
00:58:57anything. Do you know where Geoffrey's got to? He's upstairs, I think. Is it true they're
00:59:12dry on their own? Usually. I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying. We'll be all
00:59:25right. Honest. She said I shouldn't smoke it. Who? She said... Geoffrey? Geoffrey?
00:59:39Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs. That's better. It's because it's your first time,
01:00:07isn't it? Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road. It wasn't marijuana, you know. What was it then?
01:00:27Grass. Grass. Grass is marijuana. This grass wasn't. It was the real thing. From the front
01:00:39lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl? Had a nice time, even though it's three o'clock in the morning? Not
01:00:59that I mind, if you've had a nice time, even though I've been in bed since ten, having a
01:01:05good night's worry. Did you see Geoffrey? That's good.
01:01:12Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard? I didn't try at all. Gave me to rest.
01:01:19I'm right off, birds. I am. I am. I am. I am. You're
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:13Good morning. Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:47Good night.
01:02:49Good night.
01:02:51Good night.
01:02:53Good night.
01:02:55Good night.
01:02:57Good night.
01:02:59Good night.
01:03:01Good night.
01:03:03Good night.
01:03:05Good night.
01:03:07Good night.
01:03:08Good night.
01:03:09Good night.
01:03:10Good night.
01:03:11Good night.
01:03:12Good night.
01:03:13Good night.
01:03:14Good night.
01:03:15Good night.
01:03:16Good night.
01:03:17Good night.
01:03:18Good night.
01:03:19Good night.
01:03:20Good night.
01:03:21Good night.
01:03:22Good night.
01:03:23Good night.
01:03:24Good night.
01:03:25Good night.
01:03:26Good night.
01:03:27Good night.
01:03:28Good night.
01:03:29Good night.
01:03:30Good night.
01:03:31Good night.
01:03:32Good night.
01:03:33Good night.
01:03:34Good night.
01:03:35MUSIC PLAYS
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21MUSIC PLAYS
01:04:23A small world.
01:04:38Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:39I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:40Oh?
01:04:41Probably this one.
01:04:43Definitely.
01:04:44Magic in satin.
01:04:45Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:04:46Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:04:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:04:51Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:52I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:53Oh?
01:04:54Probably this one.
01:04:55Definitely.
01:04:56Magic in satin.
01:04:57Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:04:58Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:00You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:01I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:02I have a right to be here.
01:05:03I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:04Try the co-op.
01:05:05Beryl, listen.
01:05:06If you can smell burning.
01:05:07It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock-strap.
01:05:08Beryl, listen.
01:05:09Can I help you, Madeline?
01:05:10Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:11No, Madeline.
01:05:12No, Madeline.
01:05:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:05:15I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:18I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:21Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning.
01:05:24It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock-strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, Madeline?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, Madeline.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The...
01:06:13The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:19Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:27Drawn five.
01:06:29So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I love you.
01:06:39I love you.
01:06:40I love you.
01:06:41I love you.
01:06:42I love you.
01:06:43I love you.
01:06:44I love you.
01:06:45I love you.
01:06:46I love you.
01:06:47Never mind.
01:06:48It's only a game.
01:06:50I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:07She nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:34The cowgills.
01:08:37The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you that two new people have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:36Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:53You think it!
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey, I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:36I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:50Who are you staring at?
01:10:53Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:09Indigestion.
01:11:10Oh.
01:11:11What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:12Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:13He has said one thing.
01:11:14Oh, what's that?
01:11:15If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:16All right.
01:11:17The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:24Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:31Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:46Great!
01:11:47I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Feeling happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals.
01:12:19And one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl.
01:12:46How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:47You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:48Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:49Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:50Right?
01:12:51Right.
01:12:52Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:12:53Amen.
01:12:54Oh, hell.
01:12:55Hands up again.
01:12:56See you tomorrow.
01:12:57Where do you think you're going?
01:12:58Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:12:59It's important.
01:13:00What is?
01:13:02What is?
01:13:03I keep asking you what is.
01:13:05What is?
01:13:06What is?
01:13:07To be on our own.
01:13:08What?
01:13:09So as we can talk.
01:13:10Oh, hell.
01:13:11Oh, hell.
01:13:12Time's up again.
01:13:13See you tomorrow.
01:13:14Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:16It's important.
01:13:17What is?
01:13:18I keep asking you what is.
01:13:19What is?
01:13:20What is?
01:13:21What is?
01:13:22I keep asking you what is.
01:13:25What is?
01:13:26To be on our own.
01:13:27What?
01:13:28So as we can talk.
01:13:29What?
01:13:30Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:33The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I'm saying.
01:13:35Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56She was playing for United as well.
01:13:57Weird, isn't it?
01:14:05The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think?
01:14:25See what I think?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:35Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:32Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:53It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:54It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:55Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for eleven boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I don't remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30Think so.
01:18:31We just don't like each other.
01:18:32At all.
01:18:33Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:34Good luck.
01:18:35Peace, man.
01:18:36St Anne's Square.
01:18:37St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:38St Anne's Square.
01:18:39St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:41St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:42St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:49Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:50Good luck.
01:18:51Peace, man.
01:18:52St Anne's Square.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:24Wedding ring?
01:19:25Of course.
01:19:26Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:33Oh, sorry.
01:19:35What about?
01:19:36Skip it.
01:19:38About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's water.
01:22:06It's water.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then?
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17Oh, yeah.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:22Oh?
01:22:23Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Mm!
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:31And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:39Only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16APPLAUSE
01:24:17Get out!
01:24:18Thank you, my grandfather!
01:24:19Come on, my grandfather!
01:24:20Hey!
01:24:21Can you hear me?
01:24:23Honestly, don't do anything.
01:24:25Give him an onion or without tears, or�?
01:24:26Have time for dinner with screaming.
01:24:27Have time for dinner, black lady.
01:24:28We'll see you next time, black lady.
01:24:29See you next time.
01:24:30You next time?
01:24:31Back!
01:24:32Come on, black lady.
01:24:33That's � tempts of smoke!
01:24:35All right, motherfucker!
01:24:36That's right.
01:24:37Come on, black lady.
01:24:38Hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:33Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:03Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44Yeah.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:14Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Transportation!
01:27:53Practice!
01:28:06Partnership!
01:28:07Partnership!
01:28:09Partnership!
01:28:10And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:42When the crying's dark
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:53Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25luene ofoduene is a
01:29:29Place in bath
01:29:35coffin
01:29:36Through the sun
01:29:37part by the sun
01:29:38The sun
01:29:38End of start
01:29:40Blood and easy
01:29:41Whom
01:29:46You
01:29:47Det hooked
01:29:48To the investment
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