- 1 year ago
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00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:10With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the raptors with a hey, hey, hey.
00:16With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:22So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:27B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:44Oh my goodness, what goings on?
00:49The gang and party are in very big trouble.
00:51Sergeant Major Shattop Saab has told Colonel Saab that they are all pale, weak and flabby.
00:58And Colonel Saab has given him permission to build them up and give them the big muscles.
01:02But Bombardier Gloria Saab has told Sergeant Major Saab that if he have the big muscle,
01:07it will not look right when he wears the Rita Hayworth dress in the show.
01:13Hey, Salam Rangi.
01:16Oh, Salam Mohamed.
01:18Salam Ramzan.
01:19I've never seen the concert party today.
01:22Where are they?
01:23Oh, they are all out of Sergeant Major Saab.
01:25And he is giving them plenty of P-T.
01:28Oh, he cannot give them P-T.
01:31I am the official Chawala, and I am the only one who is allowed to sell tea.
01:35You money fool.
01:39P-T is not for drinking.
01:41It is to make you big and strong.
01:46Oh, blimey.
01:46Look.
01:47Ja, ja.
01:47Jelly, jelly, ja, ja.
01:49This place is a shamblery.
01:50It's an absolute shamblery.
01:52Hey, you.
01:53Salam, Colonel Memthar.
01:54Where can I find Colonel Reynolds?
01:55In battery office, Colonel Memthar.
01:57You're a sloppy man.
01:58Pull yourself together.
02:00That belt on your turban's crooked.
02:01Go on, straighten it up.
02:02Colonel Memthar, I always wear it in this...
02:04Silent!
02:05In future, you're going to wear it like this.
02:07That's better.
02:16Colonel Reynolds.
02:17Oh, that's right.
02:18What can I do for you, Colonel, um, Colonel, uh...
02:20Not Colonel, Colonel.
02:22In the ATS, the rank of Lieutenant Colonel is known as Chief Commander.
02:27I'm Chief Commander Crisp.
02:28Well, we were actually expecting you.
02:29Won't you sit down, Chief?
02:30Oh, thank you so much.
02:32Ashland, get a chair for the Chief.
02:33Yes.
02:35There you are, Chief.
02:36Thanks.
02:38Your quarter's quite comfortable, Chief.
02:40Oh, yes.
02:40Yes, indeed.
02:41My girls are settling in nicely.
02:43As you know, we're in transit, and we shall only be here for three days.
02:47So I've issued instructions to my girls for the remainder of our stay here.
02:52The men's quarters will be strictly out of bounds to all ranks.
02:56Well, we don't want any of that sort of thing, do we?
02:58No, no, we don't want any of that sort of thing, do we, Ashwood?
03:01No, sir, we certainly don't want any of that sort of thing.
03:04Uh, what sort of thing?
03:06Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:07Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:10Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:16I've never seen nothing like it all my life!
03:19You, puny, poofs!
03:21Well, I'm going to make you fit if it's the last thing I do!
03:25Arms and legs, it's dry, combat!
03:27Hand, two, hand, two, hand, two!
03:30There's absolutely nothing to worry about, as far as my men are concerned.
03:33The Sergeant Major's putting them through an intensive course of physical training.
03:36Splendid!
03:37There's nothing like it for keeping their minds off lewd thoughts.
03:40Good heavens, what on earth are they?
03:48Rejects?
03:52Well, keep them away from my gals.
03:54I've got quite enough to worry about with the normal men.
03:57One thing, I shall need all the papers for your gals, er, girls.
04:01I need to get them stamped and all that sort of thing.
04:02I'd bring them over first thing in the morning.
04:05Good day, colonel.
04:06Good day, chief.
04:10That's right. Keep it up.
04:11Oh!
04:13What?
04:14Come!
04:15Morning, pal.
04:21Extraordinary.
04:23Carry on, Sergeant Major.
04:25Mom.
04:27Do you hear what she called you?
04:30Extra, cordon, hairy.
04:32Well, that is the understatement of all time.
04:35So, will I?
04:36Yes, Sergeant Major.
04:36Inside my bar, so you will find a set of boxing gloves.
04:40Go and get them.
04:41She can't help you, Sergeant Major.
04:42Right.
04:43Let's see how you get on with some press-ups.
04:44Face down, was all the glad move?
04:47Commence!
04:48Lap.
04:49Dime.
04:52Lap.
04:54What is the matter with you, Gunnar Strap, Dan?
04:56Push up, push up!
04:57I'm pushing up, but nothing's happening.
05:01What are you, Beaumont?
05:02Death.
05:02Banner Graham!
05:03Yes, Sergeant Major.
05:04Rob, hold on me, Jen, on this.
05:05You will assist him.
05:08Oh, it's his old.
05:09Shut up!
05:10Is you ready?
05:11Yes.
05:11Up!
05:12Down!
05:13Up!
05:13Down!
05:14What's the matter with you?
05:14Lift him!
05:15Lift him!
05:16I can't.
05:16He's too heavy.
05:18I will toughen you lot up if it is the last thing I do.
05:22Get properly, felon!
05:23Ow.
05:24Ow.
05:24Ow.
05:24Bow yourself.
05:27Yes, Sergeant Major.
05:27Right.
05:29Now, I is going to teach you the noble heart of self-defense.
05:35Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
05:37Get these gloves on.
05:38I think I ought to point out that I don't approve of boxing, Sergeant Major.
05:43I don't approve of boxing, Sergeant Major.
05:46Let me tell you, Gunnar Graham, you is going to box whether you liked it or not.
05:50But scientists have proved that even a light blow to the head can cause the brain to vibrate
05:55inside the skull.
05:57Well, you've got nothing to worry about.
06:00Because with all your university education and learning, your brain is so enormous, it's
06:04got no room to vibrate.
06:06In fact, it is rubbing against the inside of your skull so hard, it has pushed all your
06:11hair out.
06:11On the other hand, Gunnar Sagnan's brain is so small, it will vibrate inside his head
06:19like a bell clapper.
06:22Right.
06:23Now, the first thing you've got to remember is to lead with the left.
06:28Yes.
06:28Go on, try it.
06:31Listen, Johnny, it is.
06:33Do this out.
06:34Take them right hands up.
06:36Stop.
06:38All right.
06:40All right, killer.
06:41Traveler.
06:44Yes, I do better stop.
06:45Remove their glasses.
06:47What?
06:48Now, I is going to give you an opportunity to have a go at your sergeant major.
06:54All right.
06:55Come on, then.
06:56Try and hit me.
06:59Come on, what are you afraid of?
07:01Get up, get up!
07:03Get up!
07:04Get up!
07:04Get up!
07:05Get up!
07:06Get up!
07:06Get up!
07:06Get up!
07:06Get up!
07:07Get up!
07:07Get up!
07:08Get up!
07:08Get up!
07:09Get up!
07:09Get up!
07:10Get up!
07:10Get up!
07:11All right, sir.
07:12Get up!
07:12Get up!
07:13Get up!
07:13Get up!
07:14Get up!
07:14Get up!
07:15Get up!
07:15right now when i says start you start when i says stop you run around to the end of the line
07:25all right start stop stop stop
07:35not you lovely boy not with you a dandruff
07:37i can't really see you without my glasses how do you measure oh dear how sad never mind here i am
07:55start
08:01right second
08:08i've given you permission with me as hard as you can i'm not very good unless i get cross
08:17well i will make you cross you is a short-bottomed little runt
08:27i don't know me own strength there is something about this soldier something about
08:33cool shut up do not pack a punch i got a nasty bruise coming up i can't go on like this i'm an
08:39artiste i'm no used to this sort of thing he's getting physical next thing you know he'll be
08:44having us flogged yeah but he never even give us a chance to hit him back he can bend the rules
08:49any way he likes i've had enough my nerves won't stand anymore i've reached breaking point oh god
08:57is there no way out of this hell finally we can work our tickets and get back home we've tried
09:03everything it's never worked yes that's because we've always dissipated our efforts we should follow
09:07the example of the trade unions and work together after all you can break one stick across your knee
09:13very easily but you'd never be able to break a whole bundle like that you could have you had a
09:17saw what they say is quite right there many years ago us bearers went on strike for higher wages and
09:25farm trade union then sub we had meeting with chief contractor sub and we told him that we were going
09:31to stick together like the bundle of sticks and sub we even showed him those sticks and what did he do
09:38sahab he took those sticks and he beat the bloody hell out of us he knows prisoner of war films they
09:45form an escape committee and then draw lots to choose which one's going to escape then all the others
09:49they help him well why don't we form a work your ticket committee that's a very good suggestion parking
09:55i can do it when i try just because i'm good looking don't mean i'm stupid all right right we'll draw a lot
10:03that's all right agreed hi this is high yes oh blimey i have won i'm going home to blighting
10:15hurry back you burn you live here oh sorry sorry i was forgetting three that's no good your turn gloria
10:24the queen the queen i picked the queen very appropriate
10:27shimmy gravy butch hairy haggis you're only jealous because i won
10:34hey gloria if you go what's going to happen to the concert party there'll be nobody here to produce
10:39the shows well that's simple i'll take over we'll just shift the emphasis and do a better class of
10:44show poetry readings and piano recitals that means i can do something i've always wanted to do it's
10:51paint a big naked woman on my belly and when i do that she dances it's very high class that is right
11:01sir you can do the hindu dancing it is artistic romantic and almost totally obscene come on fellas
11:09what ideas you got for getting me home well it's not going to be easy hey listen fellas when i was
11:14working in the battery office i saw this document which listed the reasons for granting men their discharge
11:19but what were they well it was some time ago now i know one was for a stomach ulcer that's possible
11:24or a pot suey what's a pot suey it's short for potential suicide it means you go around trying
11:31to kill yourself all the time well i could try that well better luck you might succeed was there anything
11:38else well uh yeah temperamentally unsuited for army life well what does that mean well it means you're
11:46you're like that you're like that you don't get in in the first place
12:01anyway that's what sergeant major shut up said when i asked him in fact he said it
12:05was like you gloria chic i'm not like that i mean i may stand like that
12:15but i'm not like that hey you could pretend to be like that oh yeah i could pretend to be like that
12:23i wouldn't mind being like that if i could go home to blighty it's a small price to pay there you are
12:28gloria from now on you're temperamentally unsuited for army life the sergeant major thinks you're like
12:33that so you're halfway there already all you've got to do is to convince everyone that you finally
12:37flipped your lid and we'll back you up don't you worry sarah if all else fails we will help you to
12:44commit your suicide
12:53muhammad i cannot understand why gloria sarah wants to leave this wonderful british army
12:58it is a great puzzlement rangi what bigger jahi can there be than to be in british army huh
13:06three whole meals in one day the comfortable charpoy to sleep on in nice basher on top of all that
13:1335 rupees in every week that is a vast fortune just think of it muhammad three whole british pounds in
13:23every week even a maharaja does not have such wealth and so in order to leave this paradise
13:30gloria sahab is going to pretend that he is like that
13:36he's going to pretend that he's a fly swatter
13:42you ruddy fool
13:43doing like that is not for swatting the fly
13:49hey lou ranji ka matlab hai ke gloria sahab hing rahe hai
13:52jani ke ac dc
13:57don't be such clever dicky
13:59amen
14:05oh that's magic
14:18it's hard to believe you're really a man
14:19you know me fellas when i act apart i throw myself into it body and soul
14:29come on
14:29what the hell are you playing at char what i
14:31i'm selling keys up shut up how many times i told you you will not sell tea well i just take a parade
14:38now get that dirty filthy char heard off my veranda move yourself
14:42let's have a look at you
14:58not bad
15:03quite smart
15:09beautiful
15:12it seems we is improving at last
15:16you is even beginning to look like soldiers
15:33what is you playing at bombardier
15:46me
15:48nothing
15:51how many times has i told you that whatever you is rehearsing when i says get on parade you will come
15:55on parade in uniform
15:57i'm in uniform
16:00he was supposed to be a bombardier in the royal artillery
16:03i'm bombardier in the royal artillery
16:05then why is you dressed as a tart
16:09as a member of the ats i resent that
16:11in spite of what you rough soldiers may think we are ladies
16:15and if you call me a tart again i shall report you to madam my superior officer
16:33what's the report we's uh we's in a bit of trouble by here sir
16:45something which i has feared for a long time
16:47has finally come to pass
16:50no what's that look out of the window sir
16:58what's that attractive looking ats girl
17:00she's an absolute corker sir
17:04hands off ashford i saw her first
17:06i saw you to shatter your delusion sir but that is bombardier bowment and i think he has finally
17:13turned
17:15god heavens
17:17how do you think we ought to tackle this subject take them stripes off his arms
17:20sir i'm afraid in the glass house no no we mustn't be too hasty after all he's very
17:25valuable to us running the shows we can't have you doing that sort of thing can we
17:29this climate does do odd things to people sir yes i quite agree we could be dealing with
17:33something out of the ordinary here better send him in
17:38probably a bomber back to your face come inside major whatever we do we
17:43we must humor him come in
17:51so we don't get him a chair
17:58now just sit down relax but i just want to have a little chat with you thank you sir
18:05so you screwed down in front of an officer
18:09i shouldn't be but here by rights you know i mean i don't think it's right
18:12my being in a bashing with six men besides i think you'll find it's against king's regulations
18:17is it against king's regulations everything about him is against king's regulations
18:22look i don't want to cause you a lot of trouble i mean i know you've got enough
18:26troubles with your own what we're trying to win the war and all that
18:30but do you think somebody could build me a bamboo cubicle around my bed
18:35would you excuse me one moment
18:42i've got one
18:52well perhaps you better wait outside on the parade ground
18:55we'll call you if we need you
18:56yes of course
18:57and could you possibly ask them if they were dismissed
19:01allow me
19:01i've got a tricky one here there is nothing wrong with him sir that doubling around the barrack
19:11square with full kit on would not cure but that's how they used to treat mental patients in the 17th
19:16century chain them up flog them and throw buckets of water over them that might work even better sir
19:31hey you what are you doing here for me come here come here
19:38how dare you talk to those men you know as well as i do the men's lines are out of bounds
19:47what's your name
19:49bowman
19:49corporal bowman
19:52i don't seem to recognize your face
19:54oh well you must be one of my girls there are no other acts around here
19:58and as for you men if i catch you talking to any of my girls again in that lascivious manner
20:04you'll all be up on a charge all right dismiss not you i said dismiss
20:14you're sloppy corporal pull yourself together he seems a crooked go on straighten them up
20:18and you've got too much lipstick on
20:35and you're not wearing a brassiere are you
20:38are you are you are you no no i'm going to take you straight back to the ats lines where you'll
20:48be confined to the guard room and you'll be up on a charge first thing in the morning
20:53you'll be confined here in the guard room until tomorrow when you'll be brought up before madam
21:11first thing in the morning it's all a mistake yes that's what they all say
21:14here get this place cleaned up i must say i can't really blame you dear all those wonderful men
21:22over there but we must be strong
21:29stop you must tell them that you are a man no i don't want to don't you understand they're playing
21:34into my hands up sergeant mrs harvey's over on this way now and he's raising like water buffalo
21:40that's his fault it'll only look a fool won't it uh you must escape i don't want to escape
21:47four months we've had enough of this nonsense get this uniform on i've got my uniform on
21:54shut up and get it on i will not put on men's clothes what do you take me for a transvestite
22:09how dare you take advantage of that poor defenseless girl
22:15mom that's what i do
22:16shut up
22:17you savage
22:19the silliest brute you're an animal
22:22mom i should
22:24shut up
22:24come here my dear calm along don't cry
22:28we women must stand together he wanted me to put on men's clothes
22:39you pervert
22:41it's a man mom any fool can see it's a man just because this poor girl happens to have a plain homely
22:53face you insult her
23:02how disgusting to think i put my arms around a man
23:08and a common soldier at that
23:10i have been through a very humiliating experience sir
23:20it's your own fault sergeant major you shouldn't have gone dashing over there like that on your
23:23own well you yourself said sir that it should be handled in a very subtle way i hardly think
23:28tearing beaumont's clothes off was the answer but all this leads me to believe that beaumont may
23:34actually think he's a woman if we let him get away with it sir other men may get the idea of
23:40dressing up as women to get out of the harmy now what if everybody does it
23:44be jolly confusing for the japanese
23:51right fellas stage two of the pot suey bit here
23:55uh randy give me that bottle of aspirin
23:56that right glory i don't think it's necessary for you to go as far as this
24:00look i'm not taking any chances now fill that up with peppermint right and mohammed mohammed
24:06yes glory as up right come here come here now listen when i'm climbing up onto the roof
24:10i want you to nip around the back of the battery basher you see look through the back window
24:14and attract the attention of the colonel and i'll shut up right
24:17achieve us up right i still think beaumont is having us on well the psychiatrists will soon
24:22find out i've made arrangements for beaumont to meet him tomorrow
24:24i'll give you a free sample
24:33i'll give you a free sample
24:49I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to end it.
25:01Clap down from that roof, Beaumont.
25:03I'm going to end it once and for all.
25:05What's that he's got in his hand?
25:07A bottle of aspirin, Sergeant Major.
25:09I'm all confused. I'm confused.
25:12I'm going to finish it once and for all.
25:14Get him down! Get him down!
25:16Will it stop shouting? You're giving me a headache.
25:18Shut up! Stop beating him up!
25:21I just want to die! I'm going to die!
25:23Help me up! Help me up! I'm coming up!
25:25Don't come up! You'll kill us!
25:27Shut up!
25:29There's a terrible row out there, sir.
25:32Everybody go and see what's happening.
25:34Don't go looking for trouble.
25:35Leave it to the Sergeant Major. He knows what he's doing.
25:37Get him upside down! Get him upside down!
25:39Come on, come on, come on!
25:45Right, invert him!
25:47I will...
25:48I will never watch the Shabimish!
25:49Come on, come on!
25:50Right, now moving!
25:51Move him down!
25:52No! Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!
25:53No, no, no, no!
25:54What the hell!
25:55Come on, come on!
25:56Come on, come on!
25:57Come on, come on!
25:58Come on!
25:59Come on, Johnny!
26:00Come on, come!
26:02I'll be...
26:04That's a ball, that's a ball!
26:05Yeah, yeah...
26:07Move yourself out!
26:08The water boy!
26:18How do you feel now, Gloria?
26:20Oh, Lofty. It was awful.
26:22They used a stomach pump.
26:24It was terrible.
26:26I have no idea what they did to me.
26:28Oh, look, go away, Lofty. Leave me in peace.
26:30I can't go away. You're a pot suey.
26:32We've got orders to watch you day and night in case you try and kill yourself.
26:35You mean they believe me?
26:37I won't be ticket. I'm going home.
26:43How are we today?
26:45I feel very weak.
26:47That's only to be expected.
26:49Right, soldier. You can go now.
26:51But I'm supposed to watch him in case he...
26:53Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him.
26:56Oh, well.
26:58Ta-ra, then.
26:59I seem to recognise your face.
27:03Aren't you that clever boy that runs a concert party?
27:06That's right.
27:07I've seen several of your shows.
27:09I do so admire artistic men.
27:12Do you?
27:14The trouble is one so rarely meets an artistic man out here.
27:18Oh, it's all wrong.
27:20Someone as sensitive as you shouldn't be in the army.
27:24Well, that's what I keep on telling them.
27:26You poor chap. You're so confused.
27:30Are you confused?
27:31Yes. I'm confused.
27:33You look like a little boy line there.
27:36Would you like me to kiss you goodnight?
27:38Oh, my...
27:39Are you still confused?
27:43Oh, my dear Beaumont's been granted his discharge.
27:45He should not be allowed to get away with his son.
27:46Oh, these psychiatrists know what they're doing, you know.
27:48LAUGHTER
27:49Well, Bomber Deer Beaumont's being granted his discharge.
27:59He should not be allowed to get away with it, sir.
28:00These psychiatrists know what they're doing.
28:02According to the report, he's temperamentally unsuited to army life.
28:06Poor chap doesn't know whether he's a man or woman.
28:08Come in.
28:10Ah, Beaumont.
28:11Glad you're out of hospital.
28:13We don't want to lose you, of course.
28:15We're all sorry you're so confused.
28:16Must be a great worry to him.
28:18I'm not confused anymore, sir.
28:20I've fallen in love.
28:22And it's the first time it's ever happened to me, sir.
28:24I want permission to get married, please.
28:27You mean you want to marry a man?
28:31No, sir.
28:32A sister.
28:34This is worse than I thought.
28:37I mean, do you want to marry your sister?
28:40No, sir.
28:47A nursing sister.
28:52You know, there's a very old Hindu proverb which says,
28:56if you want to get your ticket out of the army,
28:59it is no use going down to the railway station
29:01and asking for half-price fare.
29:05Remember, a wholesaler does not make a half-soldier.
29:09Oh, no.
29:10The gang calls, the boys are in
29:17for boys to entertain you.
29:20With music and laughter, it's a huckleball away
29:23to raising the block to do the hey, hey, hey.
29:26With songs, the senses and jokes are renewed.
29:29With us about to hear a bit of a song.
29:32The gang calls, the boys are in
29:34for boys to entertain you.
29:36B-O-Y-S
29:58boys to entertain you.
30:00B-O-Y-S
30:01boys to entertain you.
30:02B-O-Y-S
30:03boys to entertain you.
30:04B-O-Y-S
30:05boys to entertain you.
30:06B-O-Y-S
30:07boys to entertain you.
30:08B-O-Y-S
30:08boys to entertain you.
30:09B-O-Y-S
30:09boys to entertain you.
30:10B-O-Y-S
30:11boys to entertain you.
30:12B-O-Y-S
30:13boys to entertain you.
30:14B-O-Y-S
30:15boys to entertain you.
30:16B-O-Y-S
30:17boys to entertain you.
30:18B-O-Y-S
30:19boys to entertain you.
30:20B-O-Y-S
30:21boys to entertain you.
30:22B-O-Y-S
30:23boys to entertain you.
30:24B-O-Y-S