- 1 year ago
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00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:10With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:16With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:22So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:27B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:45My goodness, what a terrible happening in the centre of the night.
00:50Here we all are on northwest frontier of India, where we are going to give a show.
00:55And we have camped here for the sleeping.
00:58Unfortunately, those wicked batons have captured Colonel Saab's lady love, Mam Saab Wadilove Evans.
01:06And now they have thrown a sack over the wall.
01:10But what is in the sack, huh?
01:12Is it a piece of Mam Saab Wadilove Evans?
01:17There is only one way to find out.
01:20Somebody must open that sack.
01:23Anna Saab Wadilove Evans?
01:31Yes, Sergeant Major.
01:33Oh, Anna Saab.
01:36Me?
01:36Yes, you.
01:38Oh...
01:39No, no, no, Sergeant Major, I must do it.
01:43After all, Mrs Wadilove Evans is my responsibility.
01:46I brought her here.
01:47Oh, I can't look.
01:48It's a melon.
01:55Thank God.
01:56There's a note stuck to it, sir.
01:59What's it say, bearer?
02:00Excuse me, sir.
02:01I mean, the Saab.
02:03The Saab.
02:04Oh, Mam Dukur Kitab Mankoro.
02:06What's it say?
02:07What's it say?
02:08They say, Saab, they want all your rifles and their books back.
02:13Otherwise, Mam Saab Wadilove Evans will be in the sack.
02:18There's rather a lot of it to go in that little sack.
02:21Oh, Ed, oh, Ed.
02:23Oh, this is terrible, Sergeant Major.
02:25Every time I close my eyes, I can see her in the hands of those brutes.
02:29Completely at their mercy.
02:30Oh, we must get after her at once.
02:41Oh, it's too dark out there now, sir, to find anything.
02:43We'd better wait till dawn.
02:44You're quite right, Sergeant Major.
02:46Now, pay attention, chaps.
02:48That poor, frail little lady is out there on her own, at the mercy of those swaps.
02:54She's completely defenseless.
02:59Think of the ordeal she is going through.
03:03As soon as it is light, we will go and find her and bring her back.
03:08I need hardly remind you that the batons will stick at nothing.
03:12To get their hands on an Englishwoman like Mrs. Wadilove Evans is a big thing to them.
03:18It's a big thing for anybody.
03:20If we fail, next time it may not be a melon that is in the sack.
03:28Are there any questions?
03:29Yes, sir.
03:30Can I have the melon?
03:33I get an old tip from champagne.
03:41It's coming.
03:43You know, it's a funny thing, but we British can't start the day without a jolly good breakfast.
03:50Right, carry on, Sergeant Major.
03:53Right, lady boys, get your rifles and ammunition.
03:56Move yourselves, move yourselves.
03:57Sergeant Major, I shall need a man to stay behind to guard the fort.
04:00Sir.
04:00Get a parking.
04:02Yes, Sergeant Major.
04:03Stay behind and guard the fort.
04:04But I want to go with the action, Sergeant Major.
04:06I know how you feel, Sergeant Major, but you will stay behind and guard the fort.
04:09Excuse me, Sergeant Major.
04:10We're going to look pretty conspicuous out there in the open country.
04:14Don't you think we ought to disguise ourselves, Sergeant Major?
04:16I ought to disguise ourselves, Sergeant Major.
04:18And what do you think we should disguise ourselves as, Mr. Lardy Dog, on a grand flaming rocks?
04:25I thought Indians, actually.
04:27Oh, I thought Indians, actually.
04:29Hang on a minute, Sergeant Major.
04:30It's not a bad idea.
04:31Get Bombardier Beaumont over here, will you?
04:33Bombardier Beaumont!
04:34Sergeant Major.
04:34Over here, at the double, at the double, with yourself, with yourself!
04:37Have you got any costumes we could use that would make us look like batons?
04:40Well, I've got the rift costumes from the desert song scene.
04:44I mean, they might do.
04:45Right, Sergeant Major.
04:47Get the men to the desert song costumes, will you?
04:51Desert song costumes?
04:52Move yourselves!
04:53How you goin' then?
04:54¡Woo!
05:10Lily Randy, ready?
05:18how do you think we look
05:24very good sir
05:26what's that there's no arabs on the northwest front
05:30shut up what
05:34I can make you look like a baton if you will permit me
05:38to adjust your dress
05:39get off
05:40let him do it carry on
05:43pardon me
05:45now stop I'm going to turn your taboos
06:01into turban
06:15what on earth are you doing Ashland
06:19you told us to change into the desert song costumes
06:23this was the only one that was left
06:24the whole point of our being in these costumes
06:28we look like the local patans
06:30they'd hardly have an officer from the french foreign legion
06:33oh pity
06:35I'd rather like to wear it
06:37I mean it's awfully smart
06:38well you can't go and take it off at once
06:39and don't be such a silly arse
06:41what shall I put on then
06:42well that's the point
06:43a bombardier beaumont
06:44oh sir
06:46oh
06:47oh you look very smart
06:49thanks awfully
06:51look what else have you got for captain Ashwood to wear
06:54well the only thing I can do him eyes
06:56is either a french tart
06:57or a father christmas
06:58you better stay behind and guard the foot
07:02whether the gunner whatever his name is
07:05right fall in it son megan
07:06right upon very will be sad will be sad
07:08come on come on come on
07:09not you not you
07:11sorry madam
07:12hi
07:13how do you think they look
07:15well we might pass his batons from a distance sir
07:18but er we is too clean sir
07:21hmm good point
07:22roll the men on the ground
07:24Tom
07:26right
07:27on the command
07:28you will fall down
07:30and roll yourself on the ground
07:32Sergeant Major
07:33of them just have these costumes washed
07:35shut up
07:37falling down
07:39rolling on the ground begin
07:42oh
07:43beg your pardon sir
07:45I does not think that we should roll on the ground in front of the men bar for discipline
07:48good thinking Sergeant Major
07:49good thinking Sergeant Major
07:50we'll get into the shoe and do it
07:51ha
07:52roll yourselves roll yourselves
07:55what are we going to do
07:59we have no costume to wear
08:01you ratty fool
08:03we are already dressed as Indians
08:06I don't see why you should be the one to stay behind
08:09just cause old shut up thinks he's your dad
08:11I don't want to stay behind Nobby
08:13I'd much rather come with you fellas
08:14we wouldn't be in this mess if it hadn't it been for the colonel bringing his fancy woman with him
08:18women always cause trouble
08:19some blokes can't go five minutes without one
08:22I can
08:23and I'm very hot blooded
08:25leave that stinking charred home behind the leaders come to mind with that thing clanking
08:29bring the water chuggles they'll need plenty of party out there
08:33excuse me Ramza
08:34but this man Ramzaan is first class track of heart
08:37he will follow the trail and lead us to Mamza Baudeloveevans
08:40what do you think Sergeant Major?
08:42we'll give it a try sir
08:43shall I get one of Mrs. Baudeloveevans hankies for him to smell?
08:46what on earth for?
08:48so that he can pick up her scent
08:50I don't want a punker mother smelling her hankies
08:53sir she's not a bloodhound
08:55well he's ready to move off sir
08:56right
08:57good luck sir and au revoir
08:59thank you
09:00thank you Ashwood
09:01right squad how?
09:02now listen chaps we're going out there to bring back Mrs. Baudeloveevans
09:08remember the honor of an English lady is at stake left turn forward
09:14left left left right left
09:19well Parkins it's up to us to hold the fort
09:22yes sir
09:23don't look so worried I shall be here with you
09:27what's the matter sir
09:28we can't get out some fools lock the door
09:30right sir I'm most awfully sorry sir
09:34forward
09:36hi ho hi ho
09:38as off to work we go
09:41just keep on singing all day long hi ho hi ho
09:46alright
09:47hold out for a smoke
09:48control yourself control yourself control yourself
09:53you're like a lot of rabble
09:54you're supposed to be soldiers
09:55do not drink too much
09:57you're not active service now
10:01you're not poncing about on the stage you will behave like men
10:04and not a bunch of puffs
10:05I'm not a bunch of puffs
10:06I can't stand much more with this paddler whiskey
10:15neither can I
10:16this heat is terribly debilitating
10:18I'm so hot I feel like taking all my flesh off and sitting in my bones
10:21I think somebody has already done that
10:25what are you talking about Randy
10:27come quick sir
10:28oh it's horrible
10:34Randy go and get the sergeant major and the colonel
10:44I've never seen a real life skellington before
10:47I vote we all go home at once this instance
10:50there's a great scut
10:54this is awful sergeant major
10:56you don't think it's mrs waddle of ebens you
10:59course not sir she's only been gone six hours
11:02nobody could turn into a skeleton in that time
11:04least of all her
11:06oh sergeant major sob
11:08out here in India you can be skeleton jolly quickly
11:11first come the pie dogs
11:13then the vultures
11:15then the kite hawks
11:17then the crews
11:18then come the little ants to tidy up
11:21these ants not coming too soon sir
11:24otherwise they get eaten by the crews
11:26shut up
11:28if it were her there'd be rings on the hand
11:31I'm afraid them batons would have pinched them sir
11:35just a minute sir
11:37there's something gleaming under the ant by you
11:39it's an apeney sir
11:41apeney
11:43whoever it was died with their hand on their apeney
11:47you found this
11:53it's hers
11:55she's left a note
11:57dear charles don't worry
11:59it's not me
12:01thank god for that
12:03I have not given up hope
12:05I know that you and your
12:07brave men
12:09will rescue me
12:11gallant little woman
12:13you all right sir
12:19I was afraid I might break down in front of the men
12:21but when I think of her out there in the hands of those
12:25swines it's
12:27it's too much
12:29do not crack up now sir
12:31we will find her
12:33steady sir
12:35thank you sergeant major
12:37well chaps
12:41we're going on
12:42we've got to save
12:43mrs. Wadalovems
12:45I need hardly remind you
12:46but if anything happens to her
12:48I'm going to have some pretty awkward explaining to do to her husband
12:51he's going to have to do some explaining to her husband in any case
12:55tiptoe
12:57tiptoe
12:59to the window
13:01by the window
13:03that is where I'll become
13:05tiptoe
13:07through the few lips
13:09with me
13:25you blethering idiot
13:29you brought us around in a big circle
13:31we's back where we started
13:33my son
13:35my goodness
13:37what else happened afterwards
13:39damn cheek
13:41as soon as you left the fort
13:43they came in
13:45why didn't you put up a fight
13:47we tried to sir but they took us by surprise
13:49I'm sure sir
13:51if they hadn't been to eat by surprise
13:53gonna park
13:55you would have put up a fight to the last one you boy
13:57oh yeah I would have fought to the last
13:59soldier major
14:01well done good boy very brave
14:03the baton's left this note for you sir
14:05right
14:07why does everyone keep leaving notes
14:09shut up
14:11get in there into translated
14:13I took a little thought
14:15oh yeah yeah
14:17come on come on
14:19sorry sir major sir
14:21we shall wait at the Nala
14:23until the sun reaches
14:25its zenith and you are all
14:27very thirsty
14:29then you will hand
14:31over your guns or the
14:33lady will be in the back
14:35send only one
14:37man with the guns
14:39colonel sir there is a PS
14:41in English
14:43try to be on time
14:45love daft
14:47and colonel sir
14:49they have also drawn a map
14:51which will show where we can find the Nala
14:53what do you suppose
14:55they mean by that bit about the zenith
14:57and you're all very thirsty
14:59well they've emptied all our water chuckles
15:01we've nothing to drink
15:03yes sir major sir
15:05how much tea you got left in that stinging urn of yours
15:07no tea left sir
15:09but hands drink them all
15:11they're very honourable people sir
15:13they left me two rupees
15:15shut up
15:17what about the water we took with us
15:19all gone sir concert party very thirsty
15:21could I have a word with you sir
15:23yes of course
15:25I asked a report who is in a bit of trouble by here sir
15:27we cannot last more than a few hours in this heat without water
15:29if we hand over those rifles
15:31I shall face a court-martial
15:33I'll do something sir
15:35what do you think Ashwood?
15:36I think we ought to
15:37ought to
15:39it's a tricky one sir
15:41excuse me sir
15:43how dare you burst into a Hofstra's conference gun of Graham
15:45I've got an idea sergeant major
15:47I've got an idea sergeant major
15:49let him have his sec carry on
15:51well the baton said in their notes sir
15:53send one man with all the rifles
15:55well why don't we send someone with the wooden rifles
15:57from the desert song scene
15:59and then we can follow at a distance
16:01and when the batons break cover
16:03to get the rifles we can let them have it
16:05let them have what?
16:09well kill them or capture them sir
16:11thank you Graham
16:13we'll let you know
16:15sir
16:16I say sir
16:17that gunner Graham is jolly clever
16:18he ought to be an officer
16:19and just because he's got brains
16:21doesn't mean he ought to be an officer
16:23all the same sir
16:25it is a good plan
16:26hmm? what?
16:27oh yes of course
16:28now you'd better get a
16:29you'd better get a volunteer
16:30sir
16:31right
16:32move yourself
16:33come on come on
16:34come on
16:35come on
16:36come on
16:37right
16:38now pay attention every boys
16:39your officers have just had a conference
16:41and this is our plan
16:42one man will go out to meet the batons
16:44he will be carrying the dummy rifles
16:45and we will be covering him from a distance
16:47when the bandits break cover to collect these rifles
16:49we will surround them
16:51any questions?
16:52yes sergeant major
16:53if there's any shooting
16:55whoever's carrying the rifles
16:56will be in the direct line of fire
16:58then he will just have to hit the ground a bit sharpish
17:01mrs waddylove heavens will also be in the direct line of fire
17:05so he'll have to put her on the ground
17:07and throw himself on top of her
17:12right
17:13now then
17:14I want one man for this task
17:16and to fall on top of mrs waddylove heavens
17:18this man
17:19I'll go
17:23I have not selected you to volunteer yet
17:25Gunnar Sugden
17:26but you're going to
17:27and I can't stand the suspense
17:30so I'll go
17:31oh
17:32such bravery
17:33this brings tears to the eyes of every true blue british heart
17:38and see sir
17:39you don't want Gunnar Sugden throwing himself on top of mrs waddylove heavens do you?
17:42any port in a storm etrid
17:44right
17:45right
17:46now on the command fallout
17:47I want you to search this place
17:48for any liquid
17:49that is drinkable
17:50FALLIGHT
17:51what is that what is out
17:52what is out
17:53another little drink
17:54and another little drink
17:56and another little drink
17:57and another little drink
17:58right we will tip everything into the char horn
18:00sergeant major sub
18:01I'll give you a very special price for the hire of my tier
18:04one rupee only
18:05get stuffed
18:07what we got
18:09I've emptied after water out the truck radiator sergeant major
18:11tip it in tip it in
18:12they are randy
18:13I just up
18:14rusty
18:15yuck
18:16two bottles of gin
18:17the sergeant major
18:18I just up
18:19I just up
18:20got the first aid box
18:21the sergeant major
18:22there's plenty of bottles in that
18:23er
18:24cameline lotion
18:26tip it in
18:27I just haven't made it up
18:28I just haven't made it up
18:32anything else
18:33there's a bottle of syrup figs here sergeant major
18:35I don't think we would have put that in boy
18:39well if we have this bottle of chloridine sergeant major
18:42that will counteract the effects of the silver figs
18:44thank you professor enstein
18:46there is no doubt about it a university education comes in very handy for stopping the action of silver figs pouring both in
18:53now listen chaps
18:55we will only drink this mixture in the case of extreme emergency
18:59sergeant major
19:00oh
19:01while we're dealing with the batons I want you to send the truck to Kohat to get help
19:04ah
19:05moment to your Beaumont
19:07sergeant major
19:08take that as Graham Clark and Hammonds in the truck
19:09yes sergeant major
19:10right
19:11are there any questions
19:12yes sir
19:13can I try the mixture
19:14can I try the mixture
19:27right
19:28rest by you
19:34according to this map that batons left the nullah for the rendezvous is about a mile away in that direction
19:39right
19:40right
19:41Kenneth Sugden
19:42this is where we pass company
19:43give him the dummy rifles
19:49come on come on
19:58you're a lovely boy
20:02now when you get that nullah you will wait for the batons to come out to collect the rifles
20:06when do I throw myself on top of Mrs. Waddle of Evans
20:09when I go to my wisdom
20:11when yous both on the ground
20:12we will move in
20:13is that clear
20:14yes sergeant major
20:15off you go then
20:17good luck gunner gunner
20:18er
20:19Sugden sir
20:20good luck gunner Sugden
20:21I shan't forget this
20:22thanks sir
20:23do you want me to go now then
20:24now
20:25no
20:34sit down then
20:35get on with it
20:41when you blow your whistle
20:42I throw myself on Mrs. Waddle of Evans
20:44move his head
20:45move his head
20:51he seems awfully keen to throw himself on top of Mrs. Waddle of Evans
20:54do you think that's why he volunteered suddenly
20:56could be sir
20:57you knows what they says about little men
20:59no what do they say
21:00what are they supposed to be
21:01what are they supposed to be
21:09boots boots boots boots
21:11marching down and up again
21:13boots boots boots boots
21:15marching down and up again
21:17boots boots boots boots
21:19marching down and up again
21:20there's no discharge in the wall
21:24boots boots boots boots
21:26marching down and up again
21:28boots boots boots boots
21:30Punching down and off again
21:32Boots, boots, boots, boots
21:34Punching down and off again
21:36The radiator's boiling over
21:53I can see that, you burk
21:55It's your fault for taking the water out
21:57I only took a little drop
21:58Only took a little drop
21:59But now what are we going to do?
22:01I know, we can all spit into the radiator
22:03This is a bit to go round, Nosher
22:06I've got plenty of spit
22:07I can't stand that
22:09I can't stand it
22:11We're all going to die first
22:13In this horrible, lonely place
22:15We're all lost
22:17With no water
22:20Nothing but sand and rub
22:23And all the time the sun
22:25Pissed down
22:26I don't want to die
22:28I don't want to die
22:29We're not lost
22:32Kohat's only about ten miles away
22:34All we've got to do is to wait until it gets dark
22:36And cools down
22:37In that case, let's sit in the shade and wait
22:39He's made it, sir
22:49Right
22:49As soon as they come out for the rifles, blow your whistle
22:52Then he can throw himself on Mrs Waddle of Evans
22:55Then we can all move in
22:57Sky's getting a bit dark, sir
22:59I think there's a sandstorm coming up
23:01Hello
23:02Hello
23:03Anybody about?
23:05I brought the guns
23:07Excuse me, Colonel South
23:08But that nulla runs from north to south
23:11But what about it?
23:13The one on the map runs from east to west
23:15You're reading the map, Ashwood
23:17Take a look at it, will you?
23:19Oh, gosh, I'm a fool
23:20I say I'm most awfully sorry
23:22I'm afraid I've brought you to the wrong nulla
23:25You're just flickering idiots, Ashwood
23:27Come on, Sergeant Major
23:29We've got to find the other nulla
23:31What other nulla?
23:33Captain Ashwood has brought us to the wrong one
23:35You've
23:37Don't shut your butt in, sir
23:40Look out, Colonel, sir
23:42Biggest storm coming up
23:43Keep down, Sergeant Major
23:45You have to stay where he is for the time being
23:47Now listen, chaps
23:49There's absolutely nothing to worry about
23:51These storm soon pass
23:53Keep your heads down
23:54You just have to crouch here
23:56Biggest teeth
23:58And there
23:59I'm going to get plenty of grit, all right
24:01Better call Sutton in now, Sergeant Major
24:12What heavens, where's he gone?
24:17There he is, sir
24:18Where are you?
24:28Where have you gone without me?
24:31Better stop for a drink, Sergeant Major
24:32Aye, sir
24:33Right
24:34Line up with your mugs
24:36There's two mouthfuls each
24:38You try it first, Sergeant Major
24:47What's it like?
24:52Not bad at all
24:53Another little drink
24:55And another little drink
24:58And another little drink
25:00Who'd do us any harm?
25:05Fall out for a drink
25:06Fall out for a drink
25:08Fall out for a drink
25:09Shut up
25:10Fall out for a drink
25:11Come on, Sergeant Major
25:12Come on, Sergeant Major
25:13Come on, Sergeant Major
25:13Come on, Sergeant Major
25:14Try and keep up, Sergeant Major
25:16Fall out for a drink
25:17Come on, Sergeant Major
25:18Come on, Sergeant Major
25:19You've got to be laughed
25:21Come on, Sergeant Major
25:22You've got to be laughed
25:24I've got to be laughed
25:25Try and keep up, Sergeant Major
25:27Try and keep up, Sergeant Major
25:29Ask the reporter that the antidote to the setup of things is not working
25:33Well, next week
25:34Pull us up to get something
25:36Get yourself to pour
25:37Let's have an ovenful drink
25:38Yes
25:39Let us have other little drink
25:40Yes
25:41Let us have other little drink
25:44You've got an ovenful drink
25:45You've got an ovenful drink
25:46I've got an ovenful drink
25:47He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he
25:52Oh, my wants!
25:53Come on, hide
25:54Oh, my wings
25:56Don't play
25:57Dad
25:58Daddy
25:59I hate
26:00Pull out for a drink
26:01Dinkie time
26:09Listen
26:11I can hear singing
26:12I can, too
26:13Yeah, I can too. I think we're getting delirious.
26:17No!
26:27They're all drunk.
26:29I said I should have tried that mixture.
26:32Oh, come on, fellas. They'd better help carry than me.
26:43They'll never last till nightfall at this rate.
26:47I did want to be a star.
26:50That's all I ever wanted to be, a star.
26:54But I'll never get the chance now.
26:59What's that?
27:01It's what?
27:03I could see a woman on a white horse.
27:06It's a mirage.
27:08It's not a mirage.
27:10It's the Colonel's tart.
27:13Look, Colonel, look. Over there, look. Look.
27:24Yoo-hoo! Boys!
27:28It's Daphne. I must be dreaming.
27:31No, sir.
27:33It is her.
27:34In the flesh.
27:36Every bit of her.
27:37Daphne!
27:43Here I am, Charles. Seize inside!
27:51Would somebody please help me down?
27:54I don't understand, Daphne.
27:55Why on earth did those patans let you go?
28:07Well, Charles, it's rather a long story.
28:11You know that patan chief?
28:12Well, he turned out to be really quite a gentleman.
28:15They're wonderful eyes, don't you think?
28:17Come to the point, Daphne.
28:18What actually happened?
28:19Now, you must meet props.
28:20I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
28:22Do you see, I really know all the chances.
28:25You know, there's an old Hindu proverb which says
28:28that if your lady, lovey, stay out all night
28:31and return home next day on a snow-white horse.
28:34Do not blame her.
28:36A snow-white horse have no idea of time.
28:39LAUGHTER
28:44The camp boys, the boys are in.
28:46The boys to entertain you.
28:49With music and art, there's a happy on the way.
28:52To raising the market with a hey, hey, hey.
28:55With songs, the scientists and gentlemen you.
28:58With us and rowing the European women's sound.
29:01The camp boys, the boys are in.
29:04The boys to entertain you.
29:06They come here to make it bigger.
29:09So give us a cheer with a hey, hey, hey.
29:12Just gather a pound and go down your gun.
29:15With us and art, there's plenty of fun.
29:18So meet the gang, cos the boys are here.
29:21The boys to entertain you.
29:23B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:29K-O-Y-E-L.
29:34Shadda.
29:36H!
29:38H!
29:39!
29:40H!
29:40H!
29:41H!
29:42H!
29:43H!
29:44H!
29:45H!
29:46H!
29:47H!
29:48H!
29:50H!
29:51H!
29:52H!!
29:53H!
29:54H!
29:55H!
29:56H!