- 2 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, that's standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:12And he'll really dance standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine.
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:37Thanks.
00:02:37Neither do I.
00:02:38Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:42About as much as Mountsy-tongue's granddad, with all due respect, to his granddad.
00:02:46Ask him if they do a turn.
00:02:47You.
00:02:48I thought we were giving sex up.
00:02:49There's a protest at never getting any.
00:02:50Ignore them.
00:02:51Ignore them.
00:02:52Ignore them.
00:02:53Hi.
00:02:54Hi.
00:02:55Hi.
00:02:56Hi.
00:02:57Hi.
00:02:58Hi.
00:02:59Hi.
00:03:00Hi.
00:03:01Hi.
00:03:02Hi.
00:03:03Hi.
00:03:04Peace, ma'am.
00:03:05Were you, er...
00:03:06Were you, er...
00:03:07hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:08He's in Majorca.
00:03:09He's in Majorca.
00:03:10Come on, then.
00:03:11May only get an hour.
00:03:12May only get an hour.
00:03:13I guess they'd never get in any.
00:03:14I guess they'd never get in any.
00:03:15Ignore them.
00:03:18Hi.
00:03:19Hi.
00:03:20Hi.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er...
00:03:35hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:37Come on, then.
00:03:38May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:41It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56It's our lunch hour.
00:03:59It's ours.
00:04:01We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:10It's one place I've never been.
00:04:13Pardon?
00:04:15I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:22I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:40Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:48But they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:00First you're up there.
00:05:03On another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a run around.
00:05:18Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:29Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What?
00:05:40Cutting a rug.
00:05:41Pardon?
00:05:42Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:43It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:44Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:45Right?
00:05:46What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:47Right.
00:05:48Right.
00:05:49Right on.
00:05:50You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:51Tonight?
00:05:52Tomorrow night?
00:05:53Every night.
00:05:54You might sell me overcoat.
00:05:55Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:05:56Really?
00:05:57Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:05:58Hustle.
00:05:59It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:00We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:04They do their own thing.
00:06:05The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:07Yes, please.
00:06:08Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:11And fought for.
00:06:13Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:14It's his birthright.
00:06:15I'm not hungry.
00:06:16What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:17It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:20I'm not hungry.
00:06:21What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:22It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:24It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:27La-la-la.
00:06:50La-la-la.
00:06:51I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really. I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your sick soul levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:32I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:50Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:09Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:23Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:25It's not my fault.
00:08:28It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:42I'm sorry.
00:08:43I'm sorry.
00:08:44I'm sorry.
00:08:45Oh, Sandra.
00:08:46You're almost blonde in this light.
00:08:47What's wrong?
00:08:48Just being brave.
00:08:49What about?
00:08:50Ending it all.
00:08:51Before we hurt each other, Timmy.
00:08:56. . .
00:08:59. .
00:09:00. .
00:09:01Oh, Sandra.
00:09:02It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07. .
00:09:08What's wrong?
00:09:09Just being brave.
00:09:10What about?
00:09:12Ending it all.
00:09:13Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:17ending it all before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23it's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening haven't I?
00:09:31not yet. not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46that was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49it's artistic mother like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03what? got it. got what?
00:10:06you now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:10:11you then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17no I don't.
00:10:19tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26it does not.
00:10:29thought it did.
00:10:31not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39you wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:43in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46we're just good friends.
00:10:48good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:04marry me.
00:11:06you know what they say?
00:11:10once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Martin!
00:11:15Martin!
00:11:16Martin!
00:11:17Martin!
00:11:18Martin!
00:11:19Martin!
00:11:20Martin!
00:11:21Martin!
00:11:22Martin!
00:11:23Martin!
00:11:24Martin!
00:11:25Martin!
00:11:27Martin!
00:11:29Martin!
00:11:30It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace man.
00:11:35Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I saved him for a change instead.
00:12:10Ticket.
00:12:11I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:12We're late already.
00:12:13See you behind the goal then.
00:12:15Aye!
00:12:16Aye!
00:12:17Aye!
00:12:18Aye!
00:12:19Aye!
00:12:20Aye!
00:12:21Aye!
00:12:22Aye!
00:12:23Aye!
00:12:24Aye!
00:12:25Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:27Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:29Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep has done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with her traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour, has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:00See you, then.
00:14:01Tonight?
00:14:02Pardon?
00:14:03Oh, I...
00:14:04All right, then.
00:14:05Right.
00:14:06Super socks.
00:14:07Did you see that?
00:14:08They're all on drugs.
00:14:09A lot of them.
00:14:10They're all on drugs.
00:14:11A lot of them.
00:14:12Ah!
00:14:13Ah!
00:14:14Ah!
00:14:15Ah!
00:14:16Ah!
00:14:17Ah!
00:14:18Ah!
00:14:19Ah!
00:14:20Ah!
00:14:21Ah!
00:14:22Ah!
00:14:23Ah!
00:14:24Ah!
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28They're all...
00:14:29Ah!
00:14:30Uh!
00:14:31Ah!
00:14:32Ah!
00:14:33Ah!
00:14:34Ah!
00:14:35Ah!
00:14:36Ah!
00:14:40Ah!
00:14:41Ah!
00:14:45Ah!
00:14:46Is he scoring?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:48Three one.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:04You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44Oh.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:05That's what I said.
00:18:07Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:43I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:25Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:38Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:51Oh, we all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:20:55Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:20:58Has there been any clips?
00:21:00Mom, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:29Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:10Wow!
00:22:13She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:20What about the Beryl Bird?
00:22:22I mean, I've got a lot of people.
00:22:23I've got a lot of people.
00:22:24You've got to be a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of an hour.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums. Sod.
00:22:28Chips. Chum. Sod.
00:22:30Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:35then? Who? I've rather better things to do thank you. Said he was no one special. Have
00:22:58a phone here? Why? They haven't, have they? Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two? Look, are you fed up here? Are
00:23:13you? We'll split after this game. Anything you say. We can go for a few of the king's head.
00:23:18Great. And that ends our probe. Well, Monday tomorrow. Hallelujah. Pardon? I don't know what
00:23:27you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done. Good night.
00:23:57Good morning. Good morning.
00:24:09Charlton for Pope. Long may you reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pound's up again. Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travelers, Jax. Here.
00:24:23Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. Except those. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:43Why don't we always do that? Ninety-three times a day. We never see anything.
00:24:53Watch out instead.
00:24:55See Geoffrey ancora called and came on Thursday.
00:25:08I'm first and I'll give you a few days.
00:25:13All in the following night.
00:25:15My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45It's that bad.
00:25:46Oh, plus...
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two's five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:02Unless you're Countess Stambol.
00:28:09It's Stambol.
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:27No.
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, is Geoffrey?
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:51Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:49Thanks, sir.
00:37:17John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:47Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:38:59Daryl?
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:01I hadn't really looked.
00:39:06You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:11Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:12Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:15I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:16They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:17Yes they are.
00:39:18Mmm.
00:39:19Mmm.
00:39:20Oh, you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:21Wasn't it?
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Terrific self control.
00:39:25Joan of Arc never married him.
00:39:26I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:27Mmm.
00:39:28Mmm.
00:39:29I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:32They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:35Yes they are.
00:39:38Mmm.
00:39:39Oh, you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:40That was it.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Terrific self control.
00:39:43Joan of Arc never married him.
00:39:44That was a very hard thing.
00:39:45It was very hard to say.
00:39:46Mac andba, that was a very hard thing.
00:39:47Wow...
00:39:48I'm doing one.
00:39:49I'm doing one.
00:39:50We were one of those, you made a life of...
00:39:51That was a great boy.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:22Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:35What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:52What's your name again?
00:40:54What's yours?
00:40:56Rock.
00:40:57That's not your real name.
00:40:58No.
00:40:59No.
00:41:00Stephen.
00:41:01Hmm.
00:41:02Hmm.
00:41:03Hmm.
00:41:04Hmm.
00:41:05What's your name again?
00:41:06What's yours?
00:41:07Rock.
00:41:08That's not your real name.
00:41:09No.
00:41:10Steven.
00:41:11Hmm.
00:41:12Hmm.
00:41:13Hmm.
00:41:14God, that turns me on.
00:41:16Hmm.
00:41:17Hmm.
00:41:18Hmm.
00:41:19what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no stephen
00:41:29god that turns me on
00:41:38when i first met you in the street i thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing oh jeffrey milleup returns to the day i wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:34i'm fed up who are you who are you
00:42:49what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:54no they just market anyone can market they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:12well this is your uncle stephen this is my revolting brother jeremy
00:43:22how do you do do my mum and dad know he's here jeremy bed i could always wake him up and tell
00:43:28um jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:35even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:41do you say no no i don't say yes shall i tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you
00:44:04that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the
00:44:10others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby did they teach you that at
00:44:18school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes i think do it all the time
00:44:29no no um that's people what is
00:44:38well people do it all the time
00:44:44whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:55good night jeremy
00:44:5825p 50
00:45:0050
00:45:12good night uncle stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:34hey veronica yes who the hell's uncle stephen at 10 past two in the morning a friend of jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:44good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:54you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in plymouth
00:46:14yes where i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:20what wrens
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:26this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30 000 sailors
00:46:31hope i like it
00:46:36well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:41we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:44we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:48just keep telling yourself that we will have only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:55try a barrel
00:47:05Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:03It's the one that I used for.
00:48:05It's the one that I used for.
00:48:05That's the one that I used for.
00:48:06It's the one that I used for,
00:48:06but the one that I used for.
00:48:09Yes, Dad.
00:48:10It's the one that I used for.
00:48:11And, for sure, it's the one that I used for.
00:48:12Anyway, I'll get people for a kiss.
00:48:12Hey, come on, that's it.
00:48:13You're welcome.
00:48:14MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:42You know what I mean? What a night. Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31He can't. It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:55He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:13Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:52No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10Er, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:12I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Hello.
00:51:30Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:37You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She used to put on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:18Oh.
00:52:27I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:34So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:36There's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:42Hmm?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:23To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:37This.
00:54:39What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:51You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this...
00:54:55What's the word?
00:54:57Let's get it clear.
00:54:59Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:10Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:58Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong! I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Argh!
00:56:18Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:27I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:38Oh, wow.
00:56:40We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:51You see, what we...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:13That's it.
00:57:14Finished.
00:57:15The end.
00:57:16Full stop.
00:57:18We've finally split up.
00:57:19Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:20I should imagine.
00:57:22Sad, isn't it?
00:57:23Pathetic.
00:57:24Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:25It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:27I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:28A perfect girl.
00:57:29Red hair, not too skinny.
00:57:30Yeah.
00:57:31Very gentle, I'm sure.
00:57:32I thought I'd found her.
00:57:33A perfect girl.
00:57:34well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50a perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet Roland
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49do you know what Beryl she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble but I think I'm dying
00:59:25he'll be all right honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39Jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call Dr. Wiseberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then?
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl?
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:33do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all
01:01:39gave it to rest
01:01:44I'm right off birds
01:01:46I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:01:55good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can I
01:02:18go
01:02:20take it
01:02:23have
01:02:24there
01:02:24no
01:02:25do
01:02:28go
01:02:29no
01:02:31never
01:02:31go
01:02:32be
01:02:46Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:03:16Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl, oh, Geoffrey, oh, God.
01:03:31Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:52There was a note of protest.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13Yeah.
01:07:14Ooh, yeah.
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if
01:07:37he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, so, well, uh, boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, uh, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically out to...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey, I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:13Marriage?
01:10:14Never.
01:10:15Well, until I am.
01:10:16If I ever do.
01:10:17Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:18For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:22No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:36I'm sorry.
01:10:37No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:41Not yet.
01:10:43Who are you staring at?
01:10:46Hello?
01:10:47You all right, son?
01:10:48Terrific.
01:10:49Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:51Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:52Hmm.
01:10:53My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57Indigestion.
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:00Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:01He has said one thing.
01:11:02Oh, what's that?
01:11:03It had meant sardines to be in oil.
01:11:04It had given them dipsticks all right.
01:11:05The weeks and months drag by.
01:11:06Everything has happened.
01:11:07It has happened to me.
01:11:08Oh, I'm sorry.
01:11:09It's not a cat, then.
01:11:10Not a cat, then.
01:11:11Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:12Mm.
01:11:13My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:14Oh.
01:11:15What's your theory?
01:11:16Indigestion.
01:11:17Oh.
01:11:18What's your theory?
01:11:19Indigestion.
01:11:20Oh.
01:11:21What's your theory?
01:11:22Oh.
01:11:23What's your theory?
01:11:24What's your theory?
01:11:25What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:26Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:28And once dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells. And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't it?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:37Look, Beryl. How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:12Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think...
01:14:25See what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:25Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:40No. I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47There isn't.
01:15:48You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like...
01:16:04You know...
01:16:06Crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:15To please you.
01:16:16I see.
01:16:26There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:28In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:30Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:23thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:18:56Oh, goodbye.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring teething ring wedding ring of course oh they have gorgeous plans in the
01:19:31shops these days no wonder everyone's at it oh sorry what about skip it about time too but a
01:19:42sympathy not that I need any actually I've never been as happy in my life but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra it's because I'm feeling happy for you yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking of course we do how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace she used to wear pink you know I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Geoffrey I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra this is it yep the big day yep coming to the crutch crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again you mustn't think
01:20:51I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:57because I shan't truly Sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20fine
01:21:22this is fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:23about there lovely
01:21:24you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30oh sorry
01:21:34that's right hold it
01:21:37lovely thank you
01:21:40right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43funny
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunch time we first met
01:21:47how have you been
01:21:49absolutely great
01:21:51you
01:21:52never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:54it's all over now
01:21:59a bowl of salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05see president Nick
01:22:13somewhere to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16I know
01:22:18why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally
01:22:28I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we
01:22:48about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12aww
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16thank you
01:24:39hello Mrs. Battersby
01:24:58you won't remember me
01:25:01good afternoon Geoffrey
01:25:02is Beryl there please?
01:25:08she's gone to the football match
01:25:10there is no football
01:25:13it's cricket now
01:25:14well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:32hi
01:25:40when's the kick-off?
01:25:44in about three months
01:25:46football season's over now Beryl
01:25:48well what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot
01:25:53I'm not all that interested these days
01:25:56where will you go now then?
01:25:59I don't know
01:26:01I could always go inside and practice booing for next season
01:26:07where will you?
01:26:12might go and get a new pair of tights
01:26:13hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty
01:26:17fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20may as well
01:26:20if you like
01:26:21don't mind
01:26:22why not?
01:26:24just as friends
01:26:25oh I meant just as friends
01:26:27yeah I did
01:26:28wish we had a ball
01:26:36could play shooting in
01:26:40you could go in goal
01:26:43amazing how people change isn't it
01:26:51well we're certainly much happier without each other
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else
01:27:24anyone really?
01:27:33there's millions to choose from
01:27:36all nearly exactly right for us
01:27:40you'll find someone Geoffrey
01:27:43you will Beryl
01:27:45just a matter of keeping your eyes open really
01:27:48picking one out of the crowd
01:27:51you'll find someone else
01:27:52you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:53you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:54you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:55you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:56you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:57you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:58you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:27:59you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:00you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:01you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:02you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:03you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:04you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:05you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:06you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:07you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:08you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:09you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:10you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:11you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:12you'll find someone out of the crowd
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Isabel
01:29:29A
01:29:35Bill
01:29:36A
01:29:37Bill
01:29:37A
01:29:38Bill
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