- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58No, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be really done standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14I want to be supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine.
00:02:47Any except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:03Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:57Love and rainy weather.
00:05:00First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12It's a run around.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:16It's a run around.
00:05:17It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:22Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but it's a run around.
00:05:30A run around.
00:05:32Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40A what?
00:05:41Caught in a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight? Tomorrow night? Every night.
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:20The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24That's the new world we work for and fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:54I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really. I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:12Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:59Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:56Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:47That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:49Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:50What?
00:09:51Got it.
00:09:52Got what?
00:09:54You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:09:58You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:00How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:01No I don't.
00:10:02Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:03Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:04It does not.
00:10:05I thought it did.
00:10:06Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:08I can see her doing your ironing.
00:10:09I can see her doing your ironing.
00:10:10And Coop.
00:10:11I can see her doing your ironing.
00:10:12And Coop.
00:10:13And cleaning.
00:10:14You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:15I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:16You know what?
00:10:17And you can say something like,
00:10:18How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:19No I don't.
00:10:20Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:25It does not.
00:10:26I thought it did.
00:10:27Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:28I can see her doing your ironing.
00:10:30And cooking.
00:10:31And cleaning.
00:10:32You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:33I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:35And I can see her doing your ironing.
00:10:37And cooking.
00:10:38And cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:04Marry me.
00:11:06You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:19Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:24Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:26Marry me.
00:11:28Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:30About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace man.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:06Ticket. I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:36Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumor has it.
00:13:06Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah.
00:13:41Well, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59No.
00:14:00See you then?
00:14:01Tonight?
00:14:02Pardon?
00:14:03Oh, I'm...
00:14:04옳 it, then.
00:14:05Right then.
00:14:06Right.
00:14:07see you then. tonight? pardon? oh, I... all right then. right.
00:14:19super socks.
00:14:24did you see that? they're all on drugs. a lot of them.
00:14:37they score? losing. 3-1.
00:15:07excuse me.
00:15:17excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25ah.
00:15:29hi.
00:15:31hello mate.
00:15:33peace man. surprise, surprise. surprise.
00:15:37in anywhere controversial. pictures. the boyfriend. she's slim. i'm just going to the...
00:15:43oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47are you and beryl, um, you know.
00:15:51you know.
00:15:53oh.
00:16:03would you, uh...
00:16:05what do you sort of reckon? she's a...
00:16:09fair sort of bird.
00:16:11sort of.
00:16:13she's all right.
00:16:15i mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17jeffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:23you having a coffee with us?
00:16:25no thanks, kid. neville's ravenous.
00:16:27you've just eaten.
00:16:31oh, of course, yeah. sorry.
00:16:35you see,
00:16:37what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39by implication?
00:16:41probably by implication.
00:16:43was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47you see?
00:16:49yes.
00:16:51was he the errand boy?
00:16:53was who the errand boy?
00:16:54ken thingy.
00:16:55he directed it.
00:16:57oh, yes.
00:16:59i was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01probably.
00:17:07you're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13it's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15and you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:17like a person.
00:17:22other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24sex.
00:17:26marriage.
00:17:28pardon?
00:17:30the number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32a couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34i want to live a bit before i get married.
00:17:36i suppose i just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40get married?
00:17:42hmm.
00:17:44no.
00:17:48actually i find girls, or most girls that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54not marriage.
00:17:56sex.
00:17:58percy filth.
00:18:00sex.
00:18:02that's what i said.
00:18:04oh.
00:18:06well, i'm not like that.
00:18:08not percy filth motivated.
00:18:10no.
00:18:12no.
00:18:14no.
00:18:16did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:28ken russell?
00:18:30yeah.
00:18:31no.
00:18:38this is it.
00:18:40i won't come in with it being our first date.
00:18:54no.
00:18:55oh.
00:18:56anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01yes, jeffrey.
00:19:03oh.
00:19:04oh.
00:19:13nice house.
00:19:14thank you.
00:19:1625 year mortgage.
00:19:23well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27funny, isn't it?
00:19:29first date with someone.
00:19:31it always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34either nothing.
00:19:36or something.
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43well, don't think about percy filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46you're not.
00:19:48no, i'm not.
00:19:52night night. god bless.
00:20:01i won't give you my phone number in case you think i'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08what is it?
00:20:09three two seven double four two one.
00:20:11the easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five which is two less than seven.
00:20:15then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one.
00:20:18um.
00:20:19but you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21no.
00:20:22but you can if you do.
00:20:23do you want me to?
00:20:24not if you'd rather not.
00:20:25three two seven double four two one.
00:20:28good night.
00:20:30good night.
00:20:31good night.
00:20:32good night.
00:20:33good night.
00:20:34good night.
00:20:35good night.
00:20:36good night.
00:20:37good night.
00:20:38good night.
00:20:39good night.
00:20:40good night.
00:20:41good night.
00:20:42good night.
00:20:43good night.
00:20:44good night.
00:20:45good night.
00:20:46good night.
00:20:47good night.
00:20:48good night.
00:20:49good night.
00:20:50good night.
00:20:51good night.
00:20:52good night.
00:20:53good night.
00:20:54good night.
00:20:55good night.
00:20:56good night.
00:20:57good night.
00:20:58good night.
00:20:59good night.
00:21:00good night.
00:21:01good night.
00:21:02That as be, Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:36I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:22:59Why?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:53Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So it does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never say anything.
00:24:53Anyone more
00:25:07Just as the sun was rising
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley low
00:25:16My typing not disturbing, you're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promised he's going to take this dream back in Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, we're things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:51Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thought you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:00Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54She will need to know what it is.
00:37:00.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05She курged her.
00:37:07I'm sorry.
00:37:08There is a best way to track her.
00:37:11She'll be bye for her.
00:37:12Cheers.
00:37:13I'll be on the phone.
00:37:14My parents, yes?
00:37:15True.
00:37:15And then,ress Jeanne.
00:37:16I know she'll be back.
00:37:16She'll be back.
00:37:17I'm not here.
00:37:17She'll be back.
00:37:18I need to give her stuff.
00:37:18It's still at home.
00:37:19Wow.
00:37:20In is there?
00:37:20Yes, yes, Iётся?
00:37:21I got any older fan.
00:37:22I get another one.
00:37:23John for Pope.
00:37:42Long Mayer Reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Uh...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:22All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:38:59Beryl?
00:39:00Beryl.
00:39:01Beryl.
00:39:02Beryl.
00:39:03Beryl.
00:39:04Beryl.
00:39:05Beryl.
00:39:06Beryl.
00:39:07Beryl.
00:39:08Beryl.
00:39:09Beryl.
00:39:10Beryl.
00:39:11Beryl.
00:39:12Beryl.
00:39:13Beryl.
00:39:14Beryl.
00:39:15Beryl.
00:39:16Beryl.
00:39:17Beryl.
00:39:18Beryl.
00:39:19Beryl.
00:39:20Beryl.
00:39:21Beryl.
00:39:22Beryl.
00:39:23Beryl.
00:39:24Beryl.
00:39:25Beryl.
00:39:26Beryl.
00:39:27Beryl.
00:39:28Beryl.
00:39:29Beryl.
00:39:30Beryl.
00:39:31Beryl.
00:39:32Beryl.
00:39:33Beryl.
00:39:34Beryl.
00:39:35Beryl.
00:39:36Beryl.
00:39:37Beryl.
00:39:38to Percy Filth? Yes, they are. Mmm. Oh, you were terrific on the bus. Was I? Mmm. Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life. Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys. I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list. My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't. Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then. Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48I was on my left.
00:41:00Oh, wait. You've been playing gener brightly.
00:41:06In the morning, let's go inside a Mexican WHAT YOU NEED I am.
00:41:09Oh, my Lord.
00:41:11It's a fine to drive you around now.
00:41:13what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:55in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night
00:44:56jeremy
00:44:5725 p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:12good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:14good night
00:45:16ники
00:45:1650
00:45:1850
00:45:1950
00:45:2250
00:45:2260
00:45:2350
00:45:2450
00:45:25Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica!
00:45:34Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:42Goodnight, love.
00:45:45We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:51You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow? No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:53Try our barrel.
00:46:55Good morning, previous generation.
00:46:56Good morning.
00:46:57Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:01Good morning.
00:47:02Good morning.
00:47:03Good morning.
00:47:04Good morning.
00:47:05Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:18What's for breakfast?
00:47:19You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:32Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:36I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:37I'll take you out another night.
00:47:39Something cropped up.
00:47:40Like what?
00:47:41Dad, you understand.
00:47:44I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:47Well, you always say you do.
00:47:49Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:52Yes, Dad.
00:47:53And we don't complain.
00:47:54No, Dad.
00:47:55But last night was different.
00:47:57I knew you'd understand.
00:48:25William's face, God's Tower, I'm in.
00:48:28For me.
00:48:29Charlton for Pope.
00:48:30Long me reign.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:32What's going on?
00:48:34The pound's down again.
00:48:35Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:37You should know.
00:48:39Or me.
00:48:41Know what I mean.
00:48:43What a night.
00:48:45Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:55Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't? No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:25I'll see how the girls. I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't. It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:55It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:39Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have all babies.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:38Pardon?
00:53:40If so, what's death?
00:53:42Erm...
00:53:44A banana.
00:53:46Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:48Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:50Erm...
00:53:51No.
00:53:52But I've seen the film.
00:53:53Are you married?
00:53:55No.
00:53:57Grab yourself an adage.
00:53:59Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:01Are you a poet?
00:54:03Never ask the questions.
00:54:04Ask the answers.
00:54:06You are a poet.
00:54:08To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:10Don't you?
00:54:12I really dirt you.
00:54:14Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:17What's on ITV?
00:54:19This.
00:54:21This.
00:54:23I really dirt you.
00:54:25Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:27What's on ITV?
00:54:29This.
00:54:31This.
00:54:33This.
00:54:35This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on, now.
00:54:51You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty gritties, Phil.
00:55:00OK?
00:55:08Shhh.
00:55:10Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17Marriage certificate, dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:22All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:11Feral grass.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:21It's all right.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said, don't you, not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:52You see...
00:56:55Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51A perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:00Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:29I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:33Oh, sorry.
00:58:37Do you know...
00:58:39What, Beryl?
00:58:40She can ask me anything.
00:58:42I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:44Oh, sorry.
00:58:46Do you know...
00:58:48What, Beryl?
00:58:49She can ask me anything.
00:58:51What?
00:58:52You can ask me anything.
00:58:56What?
00:58:57Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right.
00:59:25Honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:31She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey.
00:59:52Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07Oh.
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a...
01:00:15Quilmslow road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:32It was the real thing.
01:00:35From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:42Had a nice time?
01:00:44Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:47Not that I mind.
01:00:49If you've had a nice time.
01:00:51Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:00:53Did you see Geoffrey?
01:00:54Did you see Geoffrey?
01:00:56That's good.
01:00:58That's good.
01:00:59That's good.
01:01:01That's good.
01:01:04I'm sorry, it's not that I mind.
01:01:06I'm sorry.
01:01:08You've got a nice time.
01:01:09Not that I mind.
01:01:10If you've had a nice time.
01:01:12Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:15Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:17That's good.
01:01:19Did you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:19Sure.
01:02:20She asked my help.
01:02:26Yeah.
01:02:32Can I see?
01:02:34Sorry.
01:02:36Yeah.
01:02:37I was pretty sure there was just a smoke when I met him, huh?
01:02:41I was doing this.
01:02:44I didn't see.
01:02:45A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:58PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:27Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:50Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:03I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:05I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:20Grace who?
01:07:21We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:24Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:25I am, love.
01:07:26And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:27You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:37Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:44I don't mean, erm, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:54Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:03What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:06Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:17Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Fantastic.
01:08:24The Cowgills.
01:08:25Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:26Married couple.
01:08:27Newlyweds.
01:08:28Not long married.
01:08:29You go bald doing that.
01:08:30Doing what?
01:08:31Ah.
01:08:32The cowgills. Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill. Married couple. Newlyweds. Not long married. You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:09:02I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains. Living in sin.
01:09:11Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:58All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am. If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:45Hello?
01:10:46You all right, son?
01:10:47Terrific.
01:10:48Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then? Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:50Hmm.
01:10:51My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:52Oh.
01:10:53What's your theory?
01:10:54Indigestion.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56Oh.
01:10:57What's your theory?
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59What's your theory?
01:11:00Indigestion.
01:11:01Oh.
01:11:02What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:03Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:04He has said one thing.
01:11:05Oh, what's that?
01:11:06Oh, what's that?
01:11:07If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:08All right.
01:11:09The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:16deadlock.
01:11:17Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:21But, you know, what's your theory?
01:11:22What's your theory?
01:11:23Indigestion.
01:11:24Oh.
01:11:25What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:27Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:28He has said one thing.
01:11:29Oh, what's that?
01:11:30If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:33All right.
01:11:34The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:38this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting
01:11:43married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:57End it now.
01:11:59Goodnight.
01:12:00Hear, hear.
01:12:01Good, weren't he?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:04Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:06We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:09Having a good time.
01:12:11Just having fun.
01:12:12Being happy!
01:12:14Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:19the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:22You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:27Absolutely positive.
01:12:28That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:40Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Time's up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:08It's important.
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10I keep asking you what is.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:13What?
01:13:14To be on our own.
01:13:15What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:38I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:54and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:08The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you to...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:38Beryl, are you... happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:21There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:50Well, according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philz in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:15thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:45Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talk, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:18Well, we'll bump into each other.
01:24:49Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:19Hello.
01:25:39Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:43In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends. Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:08We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Probably not.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55We're out there! We're out there! We're out there!
01:28:05We're out there! We're out there! We're out there!
01:28:11And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fine
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Are
01:29:30You
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