- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Holy moot.
00:01:42We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on. We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there, on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a runaround.
00:05:15It's a runaround.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:21Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What?
00:05:40Cutting a rug.
00:05:41Pardon?
00:05:42Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:43It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:44Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:45Right?
00:05:46What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:47Right.
00:05:48Right on.
00:05:49You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:50Tonight?
00:05:51Tomorrow night?
00:05:52Every night.
00:05:53They might sell me overcoat.
00:05:54Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:05:55Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:05:56Asshole.
00:05:58It's a different thing.
00:05:59I don't know.
00:06:00I don't know.
00:06:01I don't know.
00:06:02I don't know.
00:06:03I don't know.
00:06:04I don't know.
00:06:05I don't know.
00:06:06I don't know.
00:06:07I don't know.
00:06:08I don't know.
00:06:09I don't know.
00:06:10I don't know.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:46I can't.
00:06:48Live.
00:06:49My only dinner on me.
00:06:50La la la.
00:06:55I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07Really? I really do. Some people don't.
00:07:13I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:07:49Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul. Not a dirty weekend. A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:42I'm sorry.
00:08:43I'm sorry.
00:08:44I'm sorry.
00:08:45I'm sorry.
00:08:46I'm sorry.
00:08:47I'm sorry.
00:08:48Oh, Sandra.
00:08:50Oh Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Nothing at all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:09:54Got it.
00:09:55Got what?
00:09:56You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:09:58You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:01How about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:04No I don't.
00:10:05Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:07Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:08It does not.
00:10:09Thought it did.
00:10:10Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:12I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:14You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:16I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:17In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:18I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:19You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:21I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:22In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:23We're just good friends.
00:10:24Good night.
00:10:25Good night.
00:10:26I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:27In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:28We're just good friends.
00:10:29Good night.
00:10:30Good night.
00:10:31Good night.
00:10:32I'll do it.
00:10:33You'll see what it did.
00:10:34Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:36I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot, marry me.
00:11:05You know what they say?
00:11:07Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:12About time and all. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Peace, man.
00:11:20Did you have a good time last night? Great.
00:11:23Is it you? Satisfied.
00:11:26I say it in for a change.
00:11:28I say it in for a change.
00:11:30Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:33It's about time and all. Aye. Aye. Aye.
00:11:36Peace, man.
00:11:38Did you have a good time last night? Great.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I say it in for a change instead.
00:12:10I say it in for a change.
00:12:12I say it in for a change.
00:12:13I say it in for a change.
00:12:18Ticket. I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:26Aye. Aye. Aye.
00:12:29Aye. Aye.
00:12:31Aye. Aye.
00:12:33Aye. Aye.
00:12:35Aye.
00:12:37Aye.
00:12:38Aye.
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark. Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:30Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34You're going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah. Well, um...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was... I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:51I am.
00:13:52Which?
00:13:53Which are you?
00:13:54Any.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56See you then.
00:13:57Tonight?
00:13:58Pardon?
00:13:59Oh, I...
00:14:00All right, then.
00:14:01Right.
00:14:03Super socks.
00:14:05Did you see that?
00:14:06They're all on drugs.
00:14:07The lot of them.
00:14:08Oh, no.
00:14:09No.
00:14:10I'm sorry.
00:14:11No.
00:14:12No.
00:14:13No.
00:14:14No.
00:14:15No.
00:14:16No.
00:14:17No.
00:14:18No.
00:14:20No.
00:14:21No.
00:14:22No.
00:14:23No.
00:14:24No.
00:14:25No.
00:14:26No.
00:14:27No.
00:14:28No.
00:14:29No.
00:14:30No.
00:14:31No.
00:14:32What's the score?
00:14:34Losing. 3-1.
00:15:02Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me. I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38The pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:16Geoffrey.
00:16:17She's a bird.
00:16:19She's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:33Sorry.
00:16:34You see, what I thought Ken Russell was trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:12Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:38I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Getting married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Filth?
00:18:04Sex.
00:18:05That's what I said.
00:18:07Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:43I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:25My first date with someone.
00:19:26It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:27Either nothing.
00:19:28Or something.
00:19:29Or everything.
00:19:30Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:31I'm not.
00:19:32No, I'm not.
00:19:33Night-night.
00:19:34Night-night.
00:19:35God bless.
00:19:36Night-night.
00:19:37God bless.
00:19:39I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:43I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:44What do you think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl?
00:19:47You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:42No.
00:20:43No.
00:20:44No.
00:20:45No.
00:20:46No.
00:20:47move on.
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs Battersbee.
00:21:03Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:05All of my past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Better who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20You don't listen, do you think?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27Chim and sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:01They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good night.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:52Down.
00:24:59I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That medal's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he?
00:25:30Is she, or is he?
00:25:32Is she?
00:25:35I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:59Five.
00:26:02Five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp bachack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:36I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:53I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:49Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:44Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:12He thumped you.
00:34:15He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:29No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:47Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thump me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:26Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:56Later.
00:37:05Bye.
00:37:09Bye.
00:37:18Hey.
00:37:18Hey.
00:37:20Hey...
00:37:20Hey.
00:37:21Hey.
00:37:22Hey.
00:37:23Hey.
00:37:24Hey.
00:37:25Hmm.
00:37:25Hey.
00:37:25John, for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:25All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:53Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 20 years old.
00:40:51I was 25 years old.
00:41:09Itс me.
00:41:13Mm.
00:41:14what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you
00:41:43the art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:13testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well
00:43:12this is your uncle Stephen
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well
00:43:58and he goes through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13and then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:47in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night
00:44:56Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:00good night
00:45:13good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's uncle Stephen
00:45:38at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00I knew you'd understand
00:48:30talk to the Pope
00:48:30long me around
00:48:32amen
00:48:32what's going on
00:48:34pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a fair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:41you know what I mean
00:48:43what a night
00:48:45wow
00:48:47a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:01yes Jeffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20you had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24I'll see how the girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks
00:49:33he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men
00:49:37do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really
00:50:04finally splitting up
00:50:05finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44at least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:57we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you?
00:51:17need I say more
00:51:18pardon?
00:51:21and how's Beryl baby getting on then?
00:51:22Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome?
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care?
00:51:55I don't have all babies
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is?
00:52:19working in a bank
00:52:20I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at man
00:52:42lots of beautiful bags baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig?
00:52:55hmm?
00:52:58sorry I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:14and which is her husband?
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it?
00:53:24great beat isn't it?
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44mine?
00:53:44if so what's death?
00:53:47erm
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:58erm
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married?
00:54:07no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet?
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager of Marks and Spaces
00:54:24what's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV?
00:54:37this
00:54:37what's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:47this
00:54:47let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it
00:54:56clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay?
00:55:00hmm
00:55:01women's lip
00:55:10is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers?
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic?
00:55:27you want to be really basic?
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass?
00:55:35Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well
00:55:39like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls
00:55:45definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct
00:55:49an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourse
00:55:52into anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you
00:55:53what girls want
00:55:54what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please
00:55:58stop saying that?
00:56:00you believe in free love
00:56:01right?
00:56:02wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly
00:56:08don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me
00:56:09you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society
00:56:10for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:14you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well man
00:56:19sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you're not to smoke it
00:56:29oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52now
00:56:53you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see
00:56:59there's only one way
00:57:00to get through
00:57:02what you doing?
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays
00:57:39these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50the perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:10you're very sweet
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:50oh
00:58:50sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what girl
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:52move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call Dr. Wiseberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off
01:01:45birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know
01:02:15if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can I
01:02:18I am
01:02:25I am
01:02:27I am
01:02:28I am
01:02:29I am
01:02:30I am
01:02:31I am
01:02:32I am
01:02:33I am
01:02:34I am
01:02:35I am
01:02:36I am
01:02:37I am
01:02:38I am
01:02:39I am
01:02:40I am
01:02:41I am
01:02:42I am
01:02:43I am
01:02:44I am
01:02:45I am
01:02:46I am
01:02:47Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:55I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello? It's me.
01:04:06Who? My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't,
01:04:15because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21I'm not.
01:04:23I'm not.
01:04:25Did you drink?
01:04:27Wow.
01:04:28You're hungry.
01:04:31Okay.
01:04:32I don't know.
01:04:33You're drunk.
01:04:34I'm not.
01:04:35I think I put someumes on this while.
01:04:36You're drunk.
01:04:38Here you go.
01:04:39I'm not.
01:04:40No, I'm not.
01:04:41Have a good day.
01:04:42You're drunk.
01:04:43You're drunk.
01:04:44What's up?
01:04:45You're drunk?
01:04:46A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11He'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't he?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:41Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home.
01:06:25The one-three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:28John five.
01:06:30John five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:40Me.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:44Never mind.
01:06:56It's only a game.
01:06:57Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26I'll read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:34The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you.
01:08:53Then I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another person
01:09:50without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:12Marriage?
01:10:13Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am. If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey. You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:38No-one can say you've completely ruined me life. Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks. All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time!
01:12:12Just having fun!
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:48Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:01Amen.
01:13:02Oh, hell.
01:13:03Hands up again.
01:13:04See you tomorrow.
01:13:05Where do you think you're going?
01:13:06Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:07It's important.
01:13:08What is?
01:13:09I keep asking you what is.
01:13:12What is?
01:13:13What is?
01:13:14What is?
01:13:15What is?
01:13:16To be on our own.
01:13:17What?
01:13:18So as we can talk.
01:13:19What?
01:13:20What?
01:13:21What?
01:13:22I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:23The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:25Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals.
01:13:26What?
01:13:27What?
01:13:28What?
01:13:29What's the...
01:13:30What?
01:13:31What?
01:13:32What?
01:13:33What?
01:13:34What?
01:13:35What?
01:13:36What?
01:13:40What?
01:13:41What?
01:13:42What?
01:13:43What?
01:13:44What?
01:13:45I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:48What?
01:13:49What?
01:13:50What?
01:13:51What?
01:13:52I thought I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is... we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:22See, what face do I want to do? See, what I...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:11Probably.
01:15:12I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:13Well, not in so many words.
01:15:14Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:23Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:28No.
01:15:29I don't think so.
01:15:30Honestly, no.
01:15:31Nothing.
01:15:32If there is...
01:15:33If there isn't.
01:15:34You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:35If there isn't anything.
01:15:36Honest.
01:15:37Good.
01:15:38It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:39It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:41Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:15:58like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:13if I did I'd stop to please you
01:16:15I see
01:16:20there's no need to be sensitive Jeffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:31your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Jeffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridget Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likable
01:17:20the extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time
01:17:28that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:37that's really lovable
01:17:38I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:01there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30I think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then
01:18:52good luck
01:18:54peace man
01:18:56so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:16two romper suits
01:19:18and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:27oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:34oh sorry
01:19:36what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:39about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:42not that I need any actually
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:00how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:19wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Geoffrey
01:20:26I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it
01:20:31hmm
01:20:33sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra
01:20:37this is it
01:20:39yep
01:20:40the big day
01:20:41yep
01:20:42coming to the crutch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:57because I shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:00Sandra please
01:21:03you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20fine
01:21:22this is fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:23about there
01:21:24lovely
01:21:24you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow
01:21:28official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30ow
01:21:33oh sorry
01:21:35that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely
01:21:39thank you
01:21:40right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43right
01:21:43funny
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met
01:21:47how have you been
01:21:49absolutely great
01:21:51you
01:21:52never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:54that's it
01:21:55hold it like that
01:21:56it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05see president Nick
01:22:13somewhere to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16I know
01:22:18why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12oh
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16I'm thankful for you
01:24:18come to her
01:24:20good
01:24:20good
01:24:21one
01:24:28oh
01:24:33good
01:24:34good
01:24:35good
01:24:37good
01:24:38good
01:24:39good
01:24:39good
01:24:41good
01:24:41good
01:24:42good
01:24:42good
01:24:43good
01:24:43good
01:24:46Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:06We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:09Anyone really.
01:27:13There's millions to choose from.
01:27:14All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:18You'll find someone Jeff.
01:27:19That's great.
01:27:22What?
01:27:23Me?
01:27:24We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey
01:27:43You will, Beryl
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd
01:28:21And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:04When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:40When the crying's dark
Be the first to comment