- 4 months ago
Video #2 of season 1.
Re-upload for EU viewers due to a privacy complaint by a particularly thin french manlet.
Re-upload for EU viewers due to a privacy complaint by a particularly thin french manlet.
Category
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GamingTranscript
00:00This is year zero, the beginning of the seventh umbral era. The primals summoned by the beast
00:12tribes of Eosia have been laid to rest by the warriors of light, signaling the beginning of a
00:18time of peace. But in the maritime city of Limsa, the schools of anchovies have been scheming to
00:27summon a god of their own.
00:57Live from a city that looks like Limsa, but due to international copyright laws, is not. Oh boy.
01:18Hello, welcome. Wow, look at that crowd, what a budget. Good evening everybody, let me just
01:26slide on in here. Welcome, welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Underbelly After Party. Tonight
01:32we have a stacked show for you. We have some bloopers, we have some outtakes, some goofs and
01:37gags, but before all of that, as a little appetizer, I have some questions to answer, some comments to
01:42respond to. So let's all grab our microscopes and take a gander at the petri dish, known as the
01:48comments section. So first off, it was brought to my attention by multiple commenters that the
02:04reason the glam contest winners didn't make any sense to me was because I wasn't using
02:08Mare Synchronous, so I couldn't see the clothing mods that the contestants were using. And I'm keen
02:14to start ripping this argument apart like a piece of string cheese. 1. Nowhere in the announcements
02:19was it mentioned that mods are allowed to be used. Neither did it say that you're expected to use
02:24Mare in order for the entire contest to make any sense. Modders are in the minority of the player
02:30base, by the way. I don't know if these people realize. 2. What the fuck is the point then? For
02:35example, let's say I want to cosplay May from Overwatch. That might seem like a challenge with both
02:40in-game cosmetics and modded ones. But with very basic knowledge of programming, modeling, texturing,
02:46and rigging, I can rip May's model from Overwatch and mod it into FF14. And there, now I'm a one-to-one
02:52copy of May. The pixel perfect cosplay. 10 out of 10. Does that mean I automatically win every single
02:58fashion show I enter? How is that fair to the other contestants? 3. Speaking of the other contestants,
03:03what if one of them also does this? And they're a perfect copy of Pharah from Overwatch. Which one of us
03:08wins? The character that the judges like more? That's not a cosplay contest, that's a guess the
03:13judge's Overwatch waifu contest. If this argument was an Italian man, he would be called Garbaggio.
03:18Don't allow mods in cosplay contests. That's not good. You don't want to do that.
03:22Speaking of Garbaggio, thank you to all the club owners and DJs who stopped by to leave
03:26supportive comments. Here's the bird with the nice ass, Awuga. Here's a DJ that spun vinyl for 28 hours
03:32straight. Thanks for sharing. Here's another DJ. Please make more. Please, this is amazing. Thank you.
03:37And here they are again. Thank you for advertising me and Paradise. But everything you say,
03:41I can agree with. Yes, lol. Just, this is some funny stuff, but please make more.
03:46Aw, thank you so much. That's so nice of you. Oh, the comment has been edited? Probably fixed
03:50the spelling mistake or something. Regardless, there's no way to know what it said before.
03:54Oh, wait. I'm the warrior of light. I can use my echo ability to see into the past.
04:01Abracadabra.
04:02XDDD. Thank you for advertising me. Sadly, you have no clue what you're talking about. But I know
04:09who you are and remember you very well. Welcome to the circus. Jelly much? But hey, at least we
04:14having fun. All that matters. Thank you for advertising Paradise. Then they slammed the
04:18door shut after the argument, but came back for more 10 minutes later. P.S. You talking about adults
04:23being kids? Well, look at yourself dressing up. You must love fish and feathers. You're just as bad.
04:29Love it. Lol again. Thank you. Fantastic. Hey, at least they didn't come find me at 3am
04:36on a Monday morning to bring even more heat. Just kidding. So, what should I use better for
04:41merch? Put my booty on there like everyone else shows on the stream? Oh, common big guy. Don't be
04:47AFK on me and ignore me like that. Takes a lot to get me mad, but do thank you for advertising
04:52Paradise and me. Much, much love. Okay. What are you mad about? Who are you?
04:57Hold on. Let me check the old script. Um, yeah, DJ next. Okay. I poked fun at how many different
05:03items were in their merch shop. Takes a lot to get me mad. Since you're a big fan of Paradise,
05:12stop by this Saturday, please. Gonna make you more famous since you helped me.
05:17Are you fucking serious? A friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend indeed is a friend in need.
05:23Lol. Everyone, wait. Stop the presses. I found an Instagram post. Ignore the like,
05:29rambling wall of text on the side. Look at this fucking image. Did this guy really,
05:34like, hijack my body and make it seem like I was taking selfies with him? This is fucked.
05:39Regardless, this gave me an interesting thought to ponder. If you play a female character,
05:43how many times do you think a role player has taken your body while you're AFK and made you do custom
05:49sex animations with their characters? That number's probably more than one and you know it. Anyway,
05:53guess what? It didn't stop there. I got even more whispers a few weeks later. Just let you know,
05:58you made that notepad merch go up 32%. Thank you.
06:02Got a video just of you coming soon to show how much good you did for me. When you see this message,
06:07don't worry. I got something really amazing and big coming soon for you.
06:10Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?
06:16Gonna make you famous for a IG? Instagram? I don't know. Thank you for making me famous. Soon,
06:22can't say when, but you will know. Hugs, hugs, sleep well while you're AFK. Make sure you add this
06:28to your next video. Fuck, he got me. So people see it if you want and go this person is talking to me
06:33while AFK. XDDD. As I said, love your vids, make more, ha ha ha ha.
06:37Chippy chippy, choppa chpa, sushi sushi, sha sha sha, drink drink Jaeger, hee hee hee hee. See you soon.
06:53Anyway, a lot of people asked what plugins I used in the video, so let's get through this quick.
06:57XIV Instant Messenger for the whispers, Peeping Tom for scaring people, Cammy for the free camp shots,
07:02Weatherman as well, Brio for the g-pulse shots. I used a shadow map upscaler thing,
07:07I don't think this even works anymore. They'll VUI for the like HP bars and shit.
07:11But watch out, don't be so quick to install them, because...
07:14Larry Gaming 6882 reported for third party chat addon. God, I hope this guy actually reported me.
07:21Imagine if that's what they did me in for. 80% of the video was filmed with a literal zoom hack.
07:27This scene, you can't even film a scene like this without fucking around in the game's memory.
07:31Third party chat addon, get the fuck out of here.
07:34Some commenters also inquired, why I AFK in the game, why I leave the game on.
07:38I did actually explain this in the post-credit secret marvel scene that nobody watched.
07:43Ah, it's because of this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this.
07:49Hey man, you'd keep your game open as well if it was this unbelievably easy to bring joy into people's
07:54lives. Also shout out to this guy, what a waste of natural resources. Oh man,
07:59the starving African children could've eaten that electricity. I have a server rack running
08:0224-7 under my stairs, by the way. So if you ever want to do some more virtue signaling,
08:07you can bring that up in your next twit longer. Eorzea is not the name of the world. Bro started
08:11lying in the first two seconds. Ah, no. The world has been referred to by many names, such as
08:16Hydaelyn, The Source, Etherus, and, by a majority of players, Eorzea. This is what most people,
08:22including the devs, used to call the world before it became important to distinguish it,
08:26and the world map expanded past the continent of Eorzea. I chose Eorzea specifically because
08:32it would be a familiar and easy word for viewers who have limited lore knowledge of FF14 to understand,
08:38which back then was 98% of the viewer base. So, in summary, The Source is the correct
08:43technical name, Hydaelyn is the correct colloquial name, Aetheris is the correct historical name,
08:49and Eorzea is the name that most players use. The video was made for the players,
08:54therefore Eorzea was both the best sounding and best fitting word out of the selection.
09:00I'm a lore nerd and probably a bigger one than you. Give up making variety content and commit to FF14.
09:07Nope. It feels bad you're not censoring any names in this video and use footage of people
09:11mining their own business without their consent. Are you completely out of your mind? Yeah,
09:16next time I'm recording an online game, I'll make sure to bust in and go,
09:19Hey guys, hope everybody's doing okay. Please stop fighting for a moment. So, I'm a YouTuber,
09:25okay? Kind of a big deal. Would everyone please get in a single file line? I need written consent
09:31from each of you so I can put you in a video. And please, there's a few NDAs you're gonna have to
09:35sign as well. It won't take too long. They're gonna tell me to fucking gargle my own balls. I'm not
09:39gonna ask for consent to record a video game. As for censoring names, uh, sure, yeah. Here's what that
09:45would have looked like. Ah, yes. That's, that's good video right there. Open source says,
09:50This video is blatantly biased and maliciously targets vulnerable people, including someone
09:55with mental illness. Which one of them? Stop spreading toxic lies and misinformation. Yeah,
10:00whatever, nobody cares. But you know what they might care about? I definitely did. Comment posted
10:04three minutes ago and already two likes. What do you think? Sockpuppet account? Yep,
10:11created on the same day solely for the purpose of leaving this comment. They then proceeded to
10:16like their own comment, switch accounts back to their main, and think, you know what?
10:21I'm gonna go give it another one. So I went ahead and asked them why they did this. And a few
10:26minutes later, they deleted the comment. Very strange people around these parts, my friends.
10:31Lungfish said, Thumbs down. You sure do whine a lot. Love your extremely stupid takes. You aren't
10:36clever for wearing that outfit. Anyone can get it. Yeah, dude, it's an MMO.
10:40Anyone can get any outfit. Why would it be clever to wear this?
10:50Fubuki wrote, This is mostly great, but every time you get political,
10:54you have the worst takes. I got to admit, this lived rent-free in my head for weeks.
10:58Because I couldn't figure it out. What did I get political about? I was talking about a
11:02fucking video game. I thought maybe this guy didn't like that I was against racism,
11:06but then one day it dawned on me. I did say something political.
11:10I called Trump a Russian puppet. This guy's a Trump supporter. Yeah, look,
11:14this guy as well. Trump a Russian puppet? You're the cuck here, boy.
11:18That's unbelievable, man. I'm European, so to us it's like seeing a Bigfoot.
11:23Like we've heard stories that they exist, but I've never actually ran into them.
11:27Can we just make Rossler the opposite of Rizzler in the dictionary?
11:31This right here? Funniest comment. I'm so mad I didn't come up with this joke myself. Can't
11:36imagine how much work this took. Take my son, good sir. Take my son?
11:45Hey, the comments part is over now, so let's go check out some bloopers.
11:48I didn't know how to transition between the two, so...
11:51Let's-a go. Yahoo.
11:53If you were sitting there watching the previous video thinking,
11:55Yo, Chovy Man Man, what the fuck, man? You didn't even roleplay at the clubs.
11:59How dare you talk shit about them if you've never immersed yourself in their culture?
12:04Alright, here you go.
12:06Chikin went up and said hello to the desk guard, who responded that he's not in the mood to talk.
12:11Curious, Chikin prodded on and learned that he had a personal conflict occupying his mind.
12:16I then checked his search info and found he had a romantic partner.
12:19I quickly looked her up to see if she worked at the same venue, and she did.
12:24Wait, let me check out his wifey, maybe she's online.
12:26Private chambers, ooooh. Found her, found his wifey, and bed with another man.
12:33Bed with another man. Come, come, come, come.
12:35Reporting this back to the receptionist, he revealed that he actually had an issue
12:39with her working as a lady of the night, which was causing him heartache.
12:42So he said, hey, let's go confront her. Let's go tell her how you feel,
12:46and we'll back you up in case the Coomer gets rowdy.
12:48I took my shirt off as well here, I was really ready to throw down.
12:51Well, I said you should confront her, or your wife, and he said I will.
12:56Let's get going.
12:57We entered the room together, and the guard informed the man that he needs to leave.
13:01The prostitute services were over.
13:03The guy did not care. He just kept trusting.
13:05He really did not give two shits that we were in there.
13:08He was just completely ignoring us.
13:10You ever walk in and your girlfriend fucking another guy, and they just keep going,
13:14they just ignore you?
13:16You're like, hello, I'm home.
13:18Stay in complete silence.
13:20At this point, I sensed a situation brewing, and I felt like we needed some help.
13:25Do I get another guard?
13:27Do I bring even more people in here?
13:29Sure.
13:29Okay, I'll be right back.
13:32Please help, there is trouble in private room number five.
13:36What do you think happened?
13:37Dack.
13:37Dack, nobody's coming.
13:41Dack, nobody cared. Not a single person.
13:43And after waiting around for a while, the bloke came to his internet hooker and left.
13:47And he said, thank you guys, so maybe it worked.
13:51You can leave, man. Go.
13:54Me?
13:55No, the guy stopped and...
13:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, go.
13:58Leave this place.
13:59Yeah, fuck you.
14:00Oh, you're shoving the guy out.
14:03Yeah.
14:04The couple also walked off to talk in private, so Chicken and I were left to ponder our heroic deeds.
14:09Then, we received a whisper from the owner.
14:12Get the fuck out of my club and never come back.
14:14So we exited the club and we did find the couple sitting romantically on a rock.
14:19The guard thanked us for helping out and we went their separate ways.
14:22And club owner, if you're watching this, I have something I want to say to you.
14:25If Harry Potter was real, you would have been put into Ravenclaw.
14:28Boo, boo, nerd, you suck.
14:31So yeah, no RP.
14:33You cannot do anything in clubs that deviates from the RP railroad laid out by the owner.
14:38Which is open DJ stream, buy drink, buy hooker, leave.
14:43Anything other than that is harassment and will be reported to the proper authorities.
14:48But we did actually end up finding something fun to do.
14:50Infiltration.
14:51And now, we would like to share some of our favorite penetration techniques with you.
14:55Number one, distraction friend technique.
14:58Oh, this guy's already looking at me.
15:00You want to distract this man on the left?
15:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going in.
15:05I cannot clip through this furniture.
15:10I made it.
15:15It's okay, he has no idea.
15:18Well, he knows the shit.
15:21Go dance.
15:23Yeah.
15:26Yeah.
15:28I'm having so much fun.
15:31Sure, tell me when.
15:33Now.
15:35I need you to distract, like, everybody.
15:49I don't know about that.
15:56I'm in.
15:58Nice, I'm distracting the guard.
16:00Oh god, I can't see.
16:01Fuck the shit.
16:05I'm in.
16:08Made it, made it.
16:10Nice.
16:11Yeah, I was, I was, I'm still distracting, so.
16:14Number two, bribery.
16:16I gave him an egg.
16:17Now I can enter, right?
16:20Trying to, like, bribe him.
16:22Now he just whispered me to give egg.
16:24Oh.
16:27Okay, I'm in.
16:29What?
16:29I'm in.
16:31What do you mean?
16:33He meant to give egg to these people.
16:35And then I can, then I have to leave after giving egg.
16:38To give egg to these people?
16:40Hey, give it to this guy.
16:41He just gave me a, oh, in Arabic, we call this.
16:48Number three, wedding ring slide cast tech.
16:51Oh god, dude, this place.
16:53I know this club like the back of my hand.
16:56We've been here so many times.
16:59Oh my god, this VIP, this could actually work.
17:01Genuinely.
17:02Yeah.
17:03Because there's choke point.
17:05There's choke point.
17:06Yeah.
17:07Okay, just do it from here and then.
17:09Yeah, but you're really gonna have to, like, slide cast it.
17:11Maybe pop sprint before.
17:12Sure.
17:13Perfect.
17:19Is that good?
17:20He saw, he saw you.
17:21Alarm, alarm.
17:23How?
17:23Number four.
17:24Just fucking sprinting past the guard.
17:27They fucking locked this place down, man.
17:29I'm just going for the front.
17:31That guy, that guy's just, that guy's just fucking there, dude.
17:34What's he gonna do about it, man?
17:36I mean, can you, like, beckon him?
17:39Can you, like, get him away?
17:41Tell him that there's, like, a fight happening upstairs.
17:46He's not moving.
17:47I think I'm just gonna send it.
17:49He's coming.
17:50Go, go, go, go, go.
17:51Oh, fuck.
17:51I fucked it all.
17:54He absolutely saw me.
17:56Okay, now I'm just trying to distract.
17:58He's coming back.
17:59He's coming back.
17:59What am I supposed to do?
18:00I'm just, like, hiding in the hot tub.
18:02He doesn't know.
18:03He doesn't know.
18:04He doesn't, what?
18:07Dude, unbelievable.
18:08How do we pull off these heists every time?
18:11A short glimpse into private rooms.
18:20A hobbit's tale.
18:22Bilbo Baggins.
18:23Okay, we'll check out Seven.
18:24It's, like, somewhat interesting.
18:29It's like a cage.
18:30Oy, oy, oy.
18:31Okay.
18:31There's a bed behind the cage.
18:35I don't know.
18:37And, like, what's in here?
18:39That's a butt plug.
18:40Those are butt plugs.
18:42Yeah.
18:42Those are 100% butt plugs.
18:45Like a blunt to enjoy.
18:49Dude, they really, what the fuck goes on on this table?
18:53Jesus Christ.
18:54How do you even, like, fit a person in here?
18:58There's another BDSM room.
19:00I found, I found a party.
19:06Room sex, room sex, found a party.
19:07Oy.
19:08Mother load.
19:10Everyone in here loves us, but the guard is desperately telling me to leave.
19:14Yeah.
19:14And you.
19:16Everyone else is just, like, clapping to us.
19:18What the fuck is this supposed to be?
19:29Oh my god, it looks at you.
19:33Well, that's fucking scary.
19:34I'm leaving.
19:39And it's another BDSM room.
19:40Of course it is.
19:42Oh my god.
19:45Oy, oy, oy.
19:48Dude.
19:49Oh my god, is this an electric chair?
19:54Dude, what are these fucking butt plug items?
19:59The devil in reverse.
20:00Normally, a reverse card would mean no.
20:02But this one talking about cutting off and overcoming toxic habits.
20:06So the answer would be a maybe.
20:08If you do indeed follow that path, you probably try to unshackle yourself
20:12from some kind of addiction or codependency.
20:14And you pretty much skeed.
20:15Keep at it, and the opportunity of getting married this year is pretty much open for grabs.
20:20But remember, the devil can be around the corner.
20:23So keep your head clear.
20:24Oh well, time for overwatch.
20:31Look at this.
20:32Look who's typing on discord.
20:33What?
20:40Never fucking mind.
20:42Uh, go back to life.
20:46Karma cartel.
20:487 p.m.
20:49It's now.
20:50Haven't we been there?
20:52No, this is on Louis Soi, sir.
20:59Louis Soi.
21:01Even he knows how to pronounce it.
21:02That's my favorite character apart from Minfilia.
21:04Hey, you like that?
21:08God, you're such a Melvin.
21:09What?
21:10You call me a Melvin now?
21:12Oh, I'm in Filia.
21:14What?
21:16Fucking.
21:18I'm trying to think of.
21:21Alpha node.
21:24What, uh.
21:24Oh, dude.
21:25He'll depend on it.
21:26Will you shut up?
21:27What server are we going to?
21:29Lussoi?
21:29What the hell was that?
21:41I'm sorry.
21:42I did not mean to push my push at all.
21:44I was screaming because I thought it was going to give me the extra height,
21:47but it did not give me extra height.
21:49I did not make it.
21:51Oh, are you doing a jump map?
21:53I'm trying to do a quitsync and I can't make it.
21:59Yes!
22:02I fucking got it!
22:03Fuck you, man!
22:05Fuck.
22:05How do I leave Mumble?
22:07Get the fuck out of here.
22:09Why does Windows take away my fucking task bar so I can't leave Mumble?
22:14You're leaving.
22:15Goodbye!
22:20What an art fellow.
22:24You enjoying this place?
22:26Yeah.
22:27I may have a different one for you.
22:28no I'm staying here no but like the fucking description to this is
22:33interesting full nightclub is a small but elegant nightclub an imperium inside
22:37the heart of the blah blah we focus our music around Tesco okay all right deep
22:46breath we focus our music around I can't do it it's over we focus our music
22:54oh fuck me dude dude you're not even saying you're wrong I said it when you
22:59you okay guess the tune
23:08that was not the tune oh red is strong dude red is winning against those guys
23:14and those are not tenor ever sorry the wrong chat
23:20what do you mean wrong chat you're gonna have to explain yourself I read a steam
23:35chat someone sent to me and I responded to it in my book what did the steam chat say
23:41you should train your door train your door again at my what's wrong fucking cock
23:51kingdom hearts even the kingdom hearts no no we're gonna play apex legends
23:59kingdom hearts you want to be goofy I don't want to be good doesn't goofy like
24:03die in one of those games I don't know goofy fucking dies man I'm saying that
24:11normal normal raids come on Tuesday and savage versions two weeks later
24:19you shut up with this goofy thing wait hold on you have to see this have you seen it
24:27you know every time I name something whether it's a town or a city or a piece of
24:55software I always Google the name first just to make sure it's not either
25:00already used by someone or that it doesn't mean fuckface in Swahili I
25:03thought this is what everyone did ladies and gentlemen that is not what
25:07everyone does let me introduce you to this nightclub I found heavens gate let's
25:12let's just do a quick Google for that and see what comes up heavens gate was an
25:15American new religious movement known primarily for the mass suicides
25:19committed by its members in 1997
25:24hello hello you ready to be a menace yeah should I remove my returner symbol or is
25:32that funny I'm like returning and I'm instantly the only reason you came back is
25:37to terrorize these people let me check the placard they don't is this anthology
25:44yeah oh help their website doesn't even they don't have an address they don't
25:51have like times that are open okay VIP and services there's the oh no it's like a
25:58windmill I thought time was passing over really fast
26:02don't worry that's a wild windmill do you take a harness the means of creating
26:08power Jesus Christ yeah oh
26:15people are talking downstairs with quotation marks it's never a good sign oh no how
26:24many people do you think are down there four four oh there might be four it's
26:29four no five you know just stand here yeah for like five minutes do nothing do
26:37not move do not target do they feel like they just type without the
26:42quotation marks you know yeah
26:54dude fucking you know no I'm looking for the next club but these guys are like
27:02braindead or something all of their stuff gives a different time and
27:07and the countdown on their website is counting up so I don't know
27:14what language is UA like Ukraine his name is Otis so maybe Otis yeah like Otis
27:26Reding yeah famous black soul musician American yeah it must be Ukrainian
27:35pudding is my friend
27:39friends should be different color anyway unless you removed me from your friends
27:47list did all of these people just change clothes at the same time are all of them
27:52controlled by the same person hold on hold on wait I'm not ready I'm recording
27:57cinematics all of these people are all of them controlled by the same guy they might just be yeah
28:05and how else no but they're all in like different fc's and stuff are they in discord like okay guys
28:12three two one ready to cast your skills just like we practiced
28:16does that guy have a quake tattoo I don't know it's like a necklace
28:20quake that I thought he had a quake tattoo on his chest that's fucking badass dude
28:27did you get banned for calling someone a midget in this game
28:31dude this bar fucking sucks in this club you'd get so wet there's like showers everywhere oh my god there are showers
28:43and there's ice dude it's just hell in here
28:47everyone's gonna die of like pneumonia
28:50also the dj's facing the wall
28:54is this guy blind someone go turn this man around
28:58okay well these guys are just in dms
29:03oh my god i almost got rolled over
29:08that genuinely scared me i like jumped in real life
29:12yeah yo it looks like you have the choco but yeah it does
29:19if you if you look at it from behind it looks like i'm holding my dress up while
29:22like walking with my chicken legs
29:24oh my god
29:30urianje urianje urianje you spindly motherfucker
29:37what a fucking tool
29:44dude i fucking love horse man look i learned how to read
29:48it's a picture book
29:56seems i haven't seen the last of that moldy old hole after all
30:04what
30:06fuck i thought i had a spaghetti on my foot it was like a
30:10leaf
30:12leaf what
30:14what and i only have a shitty association with a person i
30:18once met that was called surfing the biggest dick in the fucking world
30:24like the biggest
30:24not like
30:32what the hell was that
30:35i think this troll farted when he died
30:38what is this what is this guy doing
30:44this guy's in g-pose trying to get like a npc's like underskirt photo
30:49hello
30:51this guy's a pervert
30:53closing statements for the end of the video
30:54turns out popodo artist is a swifty so that explains the whole delusional thing
30:58ross dante is a basic slash petty asshole all words no action according to his own e-girlfriend
31:05what an embarrassing excuse of a man and to all the people who left me cute whispers in ff14
31:10yeah all two hundred and thirty eight of you i just have one thing that i want to say to you
31:14i want to say to you
31:15thanks
31:17bye
31:44You
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