- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:49Thanks.
00:02:50Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:30Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I've never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06but i didn't know that he was going to have a change in the world
00:12:16a ticket i ain't got me ticket we're late already see behind the goal then
00:12:32Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which of you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, uh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Cough, cough, cough.
00:14:30Cough, cough.
00:14:30Cough, cough, cough.
00:14:31Cough, cough.
00:14:31Oh, I'm.
00:14:34Oh, I'm.
00:14:46Please score?
00:14:47Losing 3-1.
00:14:49Excuse me, I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial, pictures, the boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know,
00:15:48Oh, look.
00:15:51Here, um.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah, sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Fingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Well, it's funny, isn't it, first date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing, or something, or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is, the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:16Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:39Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, the all of me past life flashed before me then.
00:21:09Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mom, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Jeffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Jeffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Jeffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Jeffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Jeffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Jeffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Jeffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20She doesn't listen.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58They've got a phone here.
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17You can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:57Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may he reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So it does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:56My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he?
00:25:30Is she or is he?
00:25:32Is she?
00:25:35Never tell us he's going to take this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:41He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clerks.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:08It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:38For example, there's things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:02Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:25I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:40In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:27He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:29Pardon?
00:30:35Come back. They're better.
00:30:37It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:40It's not.
00:30:41Urgh.
00:30:43It's only the angels crying.
00:30:44I know how they feel.
00:30:46Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:30:48That's true.
00:30:50That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:30:53I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:56Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:59It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:01You'd better apologise again.
00:31:02I apologise again.
00:31:03I apologise again.
00:31:05Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:07I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:10Pardon?
00:31:11Pardon?
00:31:13Pardon?
00:31:14Pardon?
00:31:16I'm sorry.
00:31:18I'm sorry.
00:31:20I'm sorry.
00:31:22I'm sorry.
00:31:24I'm sorry.
00:31:26I'm sorry.
00:31:28I'm sorry.
00:31:30I'm sorry.
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:01Sardine.
00:32:04Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening.
00:32:14In the world.
00:32:18Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:41I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:57Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:58Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:32:59Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:00Probably even more.
00:33:01Air hostesses.
00:33:02All sorts.
00:33:03Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:04I haven't had one yet.
00:33:05White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:06Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:07Hmm.
00:33:08Wow, is that the time?
00:33:09That the time?
00:33:10That the time?
00:33:11No.
00:33:12No.
00:33:13No.
00:33:14No.
00:33:15No.
00:33:16No.
00:33:17No.
00:33:18No.
00:33:19No.
00:33:20No.
00:33:21No.
00:33:22No.
00:33:23No.
00:33:24No.
00:33:25No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28No.
00:33:29No.
00:33:30No.
00:33:31No.
00:33:32No.
00:33:33No.
00:33:34No.
00:33:35No.
00:33:36No.
00:33:37No.
00:33:38No.
00:33:39No.
00:33:40No.
00:33:41No.
00:33:42No.
00:33:43No.
00:33:44No.
00:33:45No.
00:33:46No.
00:33:47No.
00:33:48No.
00:33:49No.
00:33:50No.
00:33:51No.
00:33:52No.
00:33:53No.
00:33:54No.
00:33:55No.
00:33:56No.
00:33:57No.
00:33:58No.
00:33:59No.
00:34:00No.
00:34:01No.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her. No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you? Walloped you on?
00:34:18No. I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you? Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30I've heard that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:48Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thorn me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:03Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:25Nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54то you come out from here, isn't that?
00:36:56You're the only one who's left.
00:36:57Even замет.
00:37:01Yeah, when I was left out of the car, it isn't going out.
00:37:07I want you to start out a little.
00:37:10You won't bloody think.
00:37:12í•´, life will be.
00:37:13You can't do that.
00:37:15There's always no.
00:37:17It's pretty easy to see you.
00:37:20Will keep it in the car.
00:37:22John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:43aren't you uh yeah
00:37:52and you're uh that's right going somewhere incredible I'm meeting my parents taking them
00:38:02to see Fiddler on the roof that's pretty incredible your mummy and daddy
00:38:07oh hell no that's tomorrow if I'm in the mood
00:38:14where you are depends where you take me
00:38:30all I was saying about your friend with the glasses
00:38:33Roland Roland is that I found him intellectually unaware
00:38:37and psychologically incredibly boring it's not bad at snooker
00:38:40and how are you and little Beryl didn't she tell you I don't work there anymore
00:38:49I packed her in
00:38:51did she turn you on
00:39:00Beryl
00:39:01I haven't really looked
00:39:07you've seen one you've seen them all
00:39:11not quite all
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat
00:39:16it must be my birthday
00:39:24boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one
00:39:34they aren't all after Percy Fils
00:39:39yes they are
00:39:41mmm
00:39:42oh you were terrific on the bus
00:39:46wasn't it
00:39:47mmm
00:39:48terrific self-control
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life
00:39:56or am I thinking of someone else
00:39:58mother I don't happen to be interested in boys
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt tip pen
00:40:06it's run out of ink I used it for me laundry list
00:40:09my god your generation's got a few things to answer for
00:40:12mmm
00:40:14mmm
00:40:15mmm
00:40:16please
00:40:16mmm don't
00:40:17please
00:40:18you can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep
00:40:21well let's go inside then
00:40:25you smooth-talking bastard
00:40:28it is me birthday
00:40:34what about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent
00:40:40I don't believe that question
00:40:41you used to be crazy about him
00:40:44I was 11 years old he used to let me chalk on his tortoise
00:40:49yes
00:40:54yes
00:40:54yes
00:40:56all right
00:41:00yes
00:41:06okay
00:41:08okay
00:41:12um
00:41:13no
00:41:13I
00:41:14I
00:41:14I
00:41:15I
00:41:16I
00:41:17what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:15testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24I'm fed up who are you oh yeah what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:26I'm fed up who are you who are you what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:41no they just market anyone can market they've got the answers
00:42:56do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03goodnight uncle steven
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34hey veronica?
00:45:36yes?
00:45:37who the hell's uncle steven at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39a friend of jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42goodnight love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:50and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you?
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow?
00:46:08no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens?
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:33thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53try our barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00you know
00:48:07now
00:48:09BELL RINGS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean? What a night.
00:48:46Wow. A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Jeffrey. It is. Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Jeffrey. Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:44Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:50Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire navy had gone strike.
00:49:54I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:56I won't even consider taking him back if he hadn't.
00:49:58It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:02It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:08Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:28If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:43At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21Beryl, baby, you're getting on, then.
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put them on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:49Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:50Probably.
00:51:51Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:53Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:54What is?
00:51:55Working in a bank.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:58Hi.
00:51:59Hi.
00:52:00Hi.
00:52:01Hi.
00:52:03Hi.
00:52:04Hi.
00:52:05Hi.
00:52:07Hi.
00:52:08Hi.
00:52:09Hi.
00:52:10How come from me?
00:52:11The hall is home!
00:52:12Hi.
00:52:13Hi, dear.
00:52:14I'm going to get into bed with him now.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42Love's a beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:33What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:51I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11Beryl, Grass.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:52Listen.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville.
00:57:25Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:44The perfect girl.
00:57:45Red hair.
00:57:46Not too skinny.
00:57:47Yeah.
00:57:48Very gentle and shy.
00:57:49Passionate when roused.
00:57:50Yeah.
00:57:51She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:57:52You're very sweet, Roland.
00:57:53I've always thought you were.
00:57:54Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:57:59It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:00No, it's nice.
00:58:01No, it's nice.
00:58:02I've always thought you were.
00:58:03I've always thought you were.
00:58:04Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:05It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:06No, it's nice.
00:58:08You're fine.
00:58:09What are you doing?
00:58:14Don't you guys think I'd beème in the world?
00:58:15Oh, come on, that's all.
00:58:17Nothing.
00:58:18There should have been a very tender.
00:58:19I'm not sure.
00:58:20You never thought you were because of me.
00:58:21But I can't pick my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:22I can't pick my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:23You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:26Oh, I've always thought you were.
00:58:30Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:32I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl? She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:02Hmm. He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:42Sorry.
00:59:47Geoffrey?
00:59:48Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07It's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:14Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:22What was it, then?
01:00:24Grass.
01:00:26Grass.
01:00:28Grass is marijuana.
01:00:30This grass wasn't.
01:00:32It was the real thing.
01:00:34From the front lawn.
01:00:36It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:48I am.
01:01:50For good.
01:01:52Me too.
01:01:54And me.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17I know.
01:02:44you gonna waste a little abuse.
01:02:45Say this to Bill.
01:02:47That's a good job.
01:02:48Ah.
01:02:49A little girl.
01:02:52A little girl.
01:03:06Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:36Oh, Beryl.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Here we go.
01:04:22Here we go.
01:04:23Here we go.
01:04:24Here we go.
01:04:25Let's see you.
01:04:26Oh, ladies.
01:04:27Here we go.
01:04:28Here we go.
01:04:29Oh, man.
01:04:30Hey, we'll take a shot.
01:04:31Here we go.
01:04:32Here we go.
01:04:33Here we go.
01:04:35Welcome back.
01:04:36Here we go.
01:04:37Here we go.
01:04:39Here we go.
01:04:41Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice, fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen. If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen. Can I help you, madame?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour? No, madame. I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town. In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, so, well, er, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:50Let's see. Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:33The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:26would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:48Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:00All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:17Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:23Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:50Hello?
01:10:51You all right, son?
01:10:52Terrific.
01:10:54Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:55Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:57Hmm.
01:10:58My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's your theory?
01:11:02Indigestion.
01:11:03Oh.
01:11:05What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:06Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:07He has said one thing.
01:11:08Oh?
01:11:09What's that?
01:11:10If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:11All right.
01:11:13The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:19Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:23Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:28And what NO spells.
01:11:29And what NO spells.
01:11:30And what NO spells.
01:11:32Great.
01:11:34I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute. End it now. Good night.
01:11:59Hear, hear.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Triffic. Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage,
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, Superstar. Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:19What's important?
01:13:20What is?
01:13:21I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:26What is?
01:13:27To be on our own.
01:13:28What?
01:13:29So as we can talk.
01:13:30What?
01:13:31That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:32The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:41Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:00The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14See what I think?
01:14:15Go on.
01:14:16No, you.
01:14:17Mine wasn't important.
01:14:18No, mine wasn't.
01:14:19No, mine wasn't.
01:14:20No, mine wasn't.
01:14:21Beryl?
01:14:22Are you...
01:14:23Happy?
01:14:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:14:26This day did not.
01:14:27Just go on.
01:14:28Go on.
01:14:29No, you.
01:14:30Mine wasn't important.
01:14:31No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl?
01:14:46Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13Well, if I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:08There's a lot about you.
01:18:10There's a lot about you.
01:18:10There's a lot about you.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:56We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Peace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:10And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's tuna fish.
01:22:06It's tuna fish.
01:22:06It's tuna fish.
01:22:07It's tuna fish.
01:22:07It's tuna fish.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:17Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No. Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:44We never really talked, did we? About things that matter.
01:22:49Good, isn't it? Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Aw, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:38Only someone I love.
01:23:39I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bit.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15Come here, John.
01:24:28Come here, John!
01:24:41How's that?
01:24:43Come here, John!
01:24:45Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:41When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then? I don't know. I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights. Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends. Oh, I meant just as friends. Yeah, I did.
01:26:35I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:45You could go in goal.
01:26:46You could go in goal.
01:26:47You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:18We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:35All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:42You will, Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:47Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Beryl.
01:27:56Beryl.
01:28:01Beryl.
01:28:05Beryl.
01:28:08Beryl.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's done
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:52Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's done
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:17Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:28Are followed by the sun
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
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