- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I.
00:02:25Feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine.
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine.
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's grandad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:03We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:23Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six old levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night, night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:43It's just that I can't.
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:25I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet. Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went. Overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother. Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:00What?
00:10:03Got it. Got what?
00:10:05You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:08I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:13how about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:16No I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say OK does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Goodnight.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:04Marry me.
00:11:07You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Aye.
00:11:15Nineteen.
00:11:16Nineteen.
00:11:17Nineteen.
00:11:18Nineteen.
00:11:19Nineteen.
00:11:27Nineteen.
00:11:28Nineteen.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Peace man.
00:11:33Nineteen.
00:11:34Nineteen.
00:11:35You have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I saved him for a change instead.
00:12:10Ticket? I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumor has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:13It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose.
00:13:193-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28.
00:14:35.
00:14:46.
00:14:47.
00:14:48.
00:14:49.
00:14:50.
00:14:51.
00:14:52.
00:14:53.
00:14:54.
00:14:55.
00:14:56.
00:14:57.
00:15:17.
00:15:18.
00:15:19.
00:15:20.
00:15:21.
00:15:22.
00:15:23.
00:15:24.
00:15:25.
00:15:26.
00:15:29.
00:15:31.
00:15:32.
00:15:33.
00:15:34.
00:15:35.
00:15:36.
00:15:37.
00:15:37.
00:15:38.
00:15:39.
00:15:40.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um, you know, uh, you know, um.
00:16:03Would you, uh, what do you sort of reckon? She's a fair sort of bird, sort of?
00:16:12She's all right. I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us? No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten. Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I think it was all this trying to do... By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see? Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy? Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy. He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol. Probably.
00:17:04You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25What? Sex. Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43Oh.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32Oh.
00:18:33Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:34Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:48No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50No.
00:18:51No.
00:18:52No.
00:18:53No.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56No.
00:18:57No.
00:18:58No.
00:18:59No.
00:19:00No.
00:19:01Oh.
00:19:02Are you not coming in, though?
00:19:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Ah.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:16Twenty five year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:25Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five,
00:20:15less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours,
00:20:17and half of four which is two,
00:20:18and half of two which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29It's my life.
00:20:31You're always a life.
00:20:32If you don't miss you, it should mean it's a life.
00:20:34This summer looks almost like two,
00:20:36but the one,
00:20:37it must be awful in a month.
00:20:38You should do it anyways.
00:20:39Sometimes the school turns enough a month.
00:20:40Five months...
00:20:41it should be okay now now.
00:20:42Nowminute Lakes?
00:20:43Good night.
00:20:44By day is a happy way.
00:20:46It's one of these huge lacking in lectures.
00:20:47Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:43No-one special.
00:21:46His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:50How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:53Not Beryl Bird.
00:21:54I told him.
00:21:55Did she, er...
00:21:56Does she, er...
00:21:57What?
00:21:58What?
00:21:59What?
00:22:00Wow!
00:22:01She doesn't, then.
00:22:02You don't listen, do you?
00:22:03I said...
00:22:04How about Sandra?
00:22:05Chips.
00:22:06Chips.
00:22:07Chips.
00:22:08Chips.
00:22:09Chips.
00:22:10Chips.
00:22:11Chips.
00:22:12Sod.
00:22:13She doesn't then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips. Chums. Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:44I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:33Good night.
00:23:34Good night.
00:23:35Good night.
00:23:36Good night.
00:23:37Good?
00:23:39Actual.
00:23:40Good night.
00:23:41Good night.
00:23:42Yours are my trainer?
00:23:43Good night.
00:23:45Good night.
00:23:54Good night.
00:23:55Good night.
00:23:56Good night.
00:23:57Good night.
00:23:58Let's go.
00:24:00Morning. Morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may you reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? The pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:56We weren't warm just as the sun was rising.
00:25:00I heard the maiden singing in the far early lino.
00:25:03My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13No.
00:28:14Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:56And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey, Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:53I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Yeah.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:16I've talked to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:14All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:21You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:50Well, I don't think I've got the most super idea.
00:34:53I may as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:13It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:37:12Come on.
00:37:18myst
00:37:29Don't forget.
00:37:30Don't forget.
00:37:32Sorry.
00:37:32Right?
00:37:32I don't know how you do it.
00:37:42John for Pope, among my reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:01Beryl.
00:39:01Beryl.
00:39:01Beryl.
00:39:02Beryl.
00:39:02Beryl.
00:39:03Beryl.
00:39:03Beryl.
00:39:04Beryl.
00:39:04Beryl.
00:39:04Beryl.
00:39:05Beryl.
00:39:05Beryl.
00:39:06Beryl.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You seen them all.
00:39:11Beryl.
00:39:12Not quite all. I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:47Was I?
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:29What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:30I don't believe that question.
00:40:31You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:32I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:34I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:36I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48He's a tortoise.
00:41:18What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:26No. Steven.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:18Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day. I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:26I'm fed up.
00:42:32Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:34Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:36What are you fed up about?
00:42:38Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:40No.
00:42:42They just market. Anyone can market. They've got the answers.
00:42:48Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:50What's he doing here then?
00:42:52Well, this is your Uncle Steven. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:42:58How do you do?
00:43:00How do you do?
00:43:02Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:04Jeremy, bed.
00:43:06I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:08Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:12Even big astronauts.
00:43:14Do you know where babies come from? Do you?
00:43:16Say no.
00:43:17No.
00:43:18No.
00:43:19No.
00:43:20No.
00:43:21No.
00:43:22No.
00:43:23No.
00:43:24No.
00:43:25No.
00:43:26No.
00:43:27No.
00:43:28No.
00:43:29No.
00:43:30No.
00:43:31No.
00:43:32No.
00:43:33No.
00:43:34No.
00:43:35No.
00:43:36No.
00:43:37No.
00:43:38No.
00:43:39No.
00:43:40No.
00:43:41No.
00:43:42No.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45No.
00:43:46No.
00:43:47No.
00:43:48No.
00:43:49All Yes.
00:43:50The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands,
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes which
00:43:56he has as well, and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that
00:43:59the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg. The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do. Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:42Good night, love.
00:45:43We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:44And how.
00:45:45You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:57Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Still, there's always another day.
00:46:00Tomorrow?
00:46:01No.
00:46:02Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:03Shh.
00:46:04Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:05Where?
00:46:06I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:07What Wrens?
00:46:08The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:09This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:13Hope I like it.
00:46:14Thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:15We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:16Well, obviously.
00:46:17No, what we-
00:46:18Let's go for now.
00:46:19This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:26I hope I like it.
00:46:27Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:35We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:37Well, obviously.
00:46:38for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:08Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:07I knew you'd understand.
00:48:09I knew you'd see you, mate.
00:48:11I knew you'd see you, mate.
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me a rain. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:42You know what I mean? What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:11Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:28If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10Er, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21How's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:37You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:46Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53What is?
00:51:54Working in a bank.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Boy, how's that noise?
00:51:58What's the noise?
00:51:59Oh, my God.
00:52:00I am a mother.
00:52:01Hey.
00:52:02Good.
00:52:03What?
00:52:04I am a mother.
00:52:05I'm a mother.
00:52:06I am a mother.
00:52:07I am a mother.
00:52:08What?
00:52:09I am a mother.
00:52:10Yes, that is.
00:52:11Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:12Probably.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:02Oh.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:25Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:48A banana.
00:53:50Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you married?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:34What?
00:55:35Oh, dear.
00:55:36Enid.
00:55:37When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:58Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Argh!
00:56:18Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:38Oh, wow.
00:56:40We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:14Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville.
00:57:25Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:44I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:04You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:23Oh, sorry.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:25Oh, sorry.
00:58:26Do you know...
00:58:27Come on, Beryl.
00:58:28I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:29Oh, sorry.
00:58:30Do you know...
00:58:31Come on, Beryl.
00:58:32I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:33Oh, sorry.
00:58:34Do you know...
00:58:35Come on, Beryl.
00:58:36What, Beryl?
00:58:37She can ask me anything.
00:58:38Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:39He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:40Who's upstairs, Beryl?
00:58:41Who's left, Beryl.
00:58:42Who's left behind the door?
00:58:43What?
00:58:44I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:46Oh, sorry.
00:58:48What, Beryl?
00:58:49I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:53What, Beryl?
00:58:54She can ask me anything.
00:58:55Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:01He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:37From the front lawn.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:50Well...
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:09That's good.
01:01:10Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:22I didn't try at all.
01:01:23Gave me to rest.
01:01:24I'm right off, birds.
01:01:25I am.
01:01:26I am.
01:01:27I am.
01:01:28For good.
01:01:29Me too.
01:01:30And me.
01:01:31I'm right off, birds.
01:01:32I am.
01:01:33I am.
01:01:34For good.
01:01:35Me too.
01:01:36And me.
01:01:37I am.
01:01:38You're right.
01:01:39I mean...
01:01:41You.
01:01:42You're right off, birds.
01:01:44I am.
01:01:45I am!
01:01:46I am!
01:01:47For good.
01:01:49Me too.
01:01:51And me.
01:02:06good morning your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:36you
01:03:06Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:36Oh, my God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Goodbook.
01:04:22Let's go.
01:04:35Oh, my God.
01:04:39Don't be surprised.
01:04:44Good with you, Edward.
01:04:45A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:15I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Now what we think Will, that's a chance of her.
01:07:05I thought it said you nearly love me.
01:07:08i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement mother you're supposed
01:07:29to be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches you are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone
01:07:38yes so well uh boys are very safe and i am your mother that's what i said
01:07:45i don't mean uh permissive permissive
01:07:50see romantic
01:07:53pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:08:00oh we do do what what you just said good not too much i hope oh god boys are very funny
01:08:11they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:13did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:22oh
01:08:23two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:29fantastic
01:08:32the cowgills
01:08:39mr and mrs cowgill
01:08:41married couple
01:08:43newlyweds
01:08:45not long married
01:08:47you go bald doing that doing what
01:08:54i'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:08living in sin
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:17if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married
01:09:27i don't think so
01:09:29a barrel would
01:09:32giving you a bad time is she
01:09:39oh no i wouldn't say that
01:09:43i haven't even mentioned the word
01:09:45what word
01:09:47goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically
01:09:52i never said you were
01:09:53you think it
01:10:08all right jeffrey
01:10:10i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:14marriage
01:10:16never
01:10:17well until i am
01:10:20if i ever do
01:10:21which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey
01:10:33you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:35sorry
01:10:38no one can say you've completely ruined me life
01:10:42not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:50hello
01:10:55you all right son
01:10:56terrific
01:10:57why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:02hmm
01:11:03my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:06oh
01:11:07what's your theory
01:11:09indigestion
01:11:10oh
01:11:11what's yours sundance
01:11:14hasn't he said anything at all
01:11:18he has said one thing
01:11:19oh what's that
01:11:20if god had meant sardines to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:24the weeks and months dragged by
01:11:28and with neither side willing to compromise
01:11:31we still have deadlock
01:11:33her majesty's government
01:11:35have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma
01:11:38another wild night learning what no spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:43and what no spells
01:11:45and what no spells
01:11:47great
01:11:48i might as well go bald and open me own monastery
01:11:51and so society that's you and me says end this dispute
01:11:56end it
01:11:57end it
01:11:58now
01:11:59good night
01:12:00here here
01:12:01good one day
01:12:03terrific
01:12:04especially when he said good night
01:12:06we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:09having a good time
01:12:11just having fun
01:12:13being happy
01:12:14happy
01:12:15take two a day
01:12:17after meals
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing
01:12:21for no reason at all
01:12:22you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend
01:12:28absolutely positive
01:12:29that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:36make that three a day after meals
01:12:48look beryl
01:12:49how's this for a peace plan
01:12:51you join a marriage bureau
01:12:53and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:55twice nightly in denmark
01:12:57then we'll both be happy
01:12:58right
01:12:59right
01:13:00good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:05oh hell
01:13:06arms up again
01:13:07see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:16jeffrey i'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22i keep asking you
01:13:25what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:28to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:35what
01:13:42had a whole speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:44the only bit i can remember is
01:13:48and that's what i think
01:13:50last night i dreamt i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:55grace who
01:13:56she was playing for united as well
01:13:58weird isn't it
01:14:09the main thing is
01:14:11we do
01:14:12we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:14we do
01:14:23see what i think
01:14:24see what i think
01:14:25go on
01:14:26no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28her mum wasn't
01:14:29her mum wasn't
01:14:30her mum wasn't
01:14:31and i think
01:14:33and i think
01:14:34and i think
01:14:35and i think
01:14:37what i think
01:14:38that's
01:14:43Are you... happy?
01:14:49Of course. Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No. I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:13Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything. Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13Well, if I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:16I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:31Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:50I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:26Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Well, Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed, I bet.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry
01:23:55her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:39Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:34Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:02I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:36Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:27:14Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50They're all followed.
01:27:51Banjo! Banjo! Banjo! Banjo! Banjo!
01:28:06Banjo! Banjo!
01:28:11Banjo! Banjo!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:56Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Who is象юэ on Earth
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:41A stunning moment in the Rey
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