- 5 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really? He'll be standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:10It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a run around.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:33It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way.
00:06:40Cool people say,
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06i have a good time last night
00:12:18ticket i ain't got me ticket we're late already see behind the goal then
00:12:33Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28Oh, my God.
00:14:29What's the score?
00:14:46Losing. 3-1.
00:14:59Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:26Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39Boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:50You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:56Would you, uh...
00:16:03What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:19You having a coffee with us?
00:16:20No thanks, kid.
00:16:21Neville's ravenous.
00:16:22You've just eaten.
00:16:23Oh, of course.
00:16:24Yeah.
00:16:25Sorry.
00:16:26You see.
00:16:27What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:28By implication.
00:16:29Probably by implication.
00:16:30Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:33You see.
00:16:34Yes.
00:16:35Was he the errand boy?
00:16:36Was he the errand boy?
00:16:37Was who the errand boy?
00:16:38Ken Thingy.
00:16:39He directed it.
00:16:40Oh, yes.
00:16:41Oh, yes.
00:16:42I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:43Probably.
00:16:44You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:45Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:47It's a little I'm not sure.
00:16:48No, no.
00:16:49But I would have to do that.
00:16:50It's not, it's a little bit to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:51You see.
00:16:52Yes.
00:16:53Was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Was he the errand boy?
00:16:55Ken Thingy.
00:16:56He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13that's all. It's over 200 yards
00:17:15from the cinema. And you talk to me the whole
00:17:17way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have
00:17:23one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex? Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and
00:17:33pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls,
00:17:50most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Perseveral?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Perseveral motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:12I'm not like that.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:0725-year mortgage.
00:19:0825-year mortgage.
00:19:14Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:15Funny, isn't it?
00:19:16First date with someone.
00:19:17It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:21Either nothing, or something, or everything.
00:19:27Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:28I'm not.
00:19:29No, I'm not.
00:19:31Night night.
00:19:33God bless.
00:19:38Night night.
00:19:51God bless.
00:19:55I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:093274421.
00:20:10The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than
00:20:15seven, then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:273274421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:54Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:55Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:56Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:09Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:11You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:37Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:38Oh, no one.
00:21:39No one's special.
00:21:43His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:44How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:47What Beryl Bird?
00:21:48I told him.
00:21:49Did she, er...
00:21:50Did she, er...
00:21:51What?
00:21:52What?
00:21:53Wow.
00:21:54She doesn't, then.
00:21:55You don't listen, do you?
00:21:56I said...
00:21:57How about Sandra?
00:21:58How about Sandra?
00:21:59Chips.
00:22:00Jumms.
00:22:01Sorry.
00:22:02Sorry, Sandra.
00:22:03How did it go?
00:22:04I said...
00:22:05How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:07What Beryl Bird?
00:22:08How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:10What Beryl Bird?
00:22:12I told him.
00:22:13Did she, er...
00:22:14Does she, er...
00:22:15What?
00:22:16Wow.
00:22:17She doesn't, then.
00:22:18You don't listen, do you?
00:22:19I said...
00:22:20How about Sandra?
00:22:21Whoa, ha, ha, ha!
00:22:24Chips, chums, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:54Said he was no one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:12Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:53Morning.
00:23:54Morning.
00:23:55Morning.
00:23:56Cholton for Pope.
00:23:57Long may you reign.
00:23:58Amen.
00:23:59What's going on?
00:24:00What's going on?
00:24:01Pound's up again.
00:24:02Oh, God.
00:24:03Today's special.
00:24:04Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:05Here.
00:24:06Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:07Except those.
00:24:08Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:09Yay, lady.
00:24:10Bye, coming.
00:24:11Cholton for Pope.
00:24:12Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:14What's going on?
00:24:15Pound up again.
00:24:16Oh!
00:24:17Oh, God.
00:24:18Today's special.
00:24:20Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:21Here.
00:24:22Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. So close.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:51We never say anything.
00:24:54I'm going to die.
00:24:57I'm going to die.
00:25:03I'm going to die.
00:25:04I'm going to die.
00:25:09My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:15See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51Five.
00:25:53Five.
00:25:54Five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:20Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:23My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:37That's it then.
00:26:40Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:54Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:57Is that Beryl?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrific.
00:27:06It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:07Getting to know a person.
00:27:08Fantastic.
00:27:10I want to know all about you.
00:27:11That's what it's all about.
00:27:13For example, with things in common already.
00:27:14Definitely.
00:27:16I want to know all about you.
00:27:19That's what it's all about.
00:27:20For example, with things in common already.
00:27:21Definitely.
00:27:22Like what?
00:27:24We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:25Right.
00:27:26We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:27Right.
00:27:28So what?
00:27:29I want to know all about you.
00:27:30It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:31Getting to know a person.
00:27:32Fantastic.
00:27:33I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:36For example, with things in common already.
00:27:37Definitely.
00:27:39Like what?
00:27:40We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:41Right.
00:27:43We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:46Right.
00:27:47And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:48Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:49No.
00:27:50Have you?
00:27:51No.
00:27:52Unless you count Istanbul.
00:27:53Istanbul?
00:27:54Was it beyond belief?
00:27:55I don't know.
00:27:56I was only three.
00:27:57I don't know.
00:27:58I was only three.
00:27:59No.
00:28:00No.
00:28:01No.
00:28:02No.
00:28:03No.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06No.
00:28:07No.
00:28:08No.
00:28:09No.
00:28:10No.
00:28:11No.
00:28:12No.
00:28:13No.
00:28:14Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:22I do.
00:28:24What?
00:28:25Now?
00:28:26No.
00:28:29Just...
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:31Yes, I do.
00:28:34Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:37In getting to know a person.
00:28:39Mm.
00:28:40in getting to know others.
00:28:44Mm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:52his stride quietly casual,
00:28:55his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break
00:28:59into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest, do heart transplants,
00:29:40become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:22I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:26Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53You forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:33There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48No.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54No, I don't know.
00:36:54I don't know.
00:36:56I don't know.
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:58Yeah.
00:36:58Have a few weeks, obviously.
00:36:59And then we are in the Opel.
00:36:59I don't go, are you masses.
00:37:00We will see.
00:37:01I don't know.
00:37:02We'll see you soon.
00:37:03I don't know how it is.
00:37:03I don't know.
00:37:04We've got one of my looks.
00:37:05We've got one of my five looks.
00:37:06So I'm half a woman.
00:37:15I want one of my looks.
00:37:17There she hasn't.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are?
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:55Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Her.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:40:58Oh, my God.
00:41:10I was 11,000 people.
00:41:15what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell them Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:38do you say no no I don't say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:30no that's people what is well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy 25p 50 50
00:45:12good night uncle Steven
00:45:13good night uncle Steven
00:45:17a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway do you good going without for a change
00:46:03still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:10shhh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens?
00:46:21the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:23this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:38we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53good night love
00:46:54try a barrel
00:46:55try a barrel
00:46:56good night north
00:46:58okay
00:46:59morning previous generation
00:47:01Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand?
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01It's all for Pope.
00:48:03I will come.
00:48:05OK, thanks.
00:48:07MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Jeffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:19It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:55He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:57Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:58The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:59I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:00I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:01She might have changed, but...
00:50:02It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:03It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:05It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:06Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:13The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:14I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:16I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:19She might have changed, of course.
00:50:21If she has, I might let her have the old Orgy 9 again.
00:50:23He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:25Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:28She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:34He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:03And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:28Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:30What's your name, handsome?
00:51:32You'll laugh.
00:51:33Everybody laughs.
00:51:34It's the story of my life.
00:51:35You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:38She's putting on an axe.
00:51:39What do you care?
00:51:40I don't have a baby.
00:51:41Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:45Probably.
00:51:46Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:48Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:49It is.
00:51:50Working in a bank.
00:51:51Oh.
00:51:52Oh.
00:51:53Oh.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:58Oh.
00:51:59Oh.
00:52:00I had this bad scene.
00:52:01Without frерв zeros.
00:52:02ItQL, you're OK.
00:52:03No.
00:52:04I had this bad scene, Mr. King.
00:52:05L négan.
00:52:06And now I rolled the Quirk from bloodager.
00:52:09roads awaken and his님.
00:52:11That's Điуди.
00:52:12Yeah.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Love's a beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:23Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Bulls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recoursing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:09Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:10I've always thought you were.
00:58:12Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:16It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:17No, it's nice.
00:58:19I don't think I'm going to have a lopsided grin.
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:24Oh, sorry.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:26Oh, sorry.
00:58:27Do you know...
00:58:28What, Beryl?
00:58:29She can ask me anything.
00:58:30I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:32Oh, sorry.
00:58:33Do you know...
00:58:34What, Beryl?
00:58:35She can ask me anything.
00:58:36Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:37I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:42Oh, sorry.
00:58:43Do you know...
00:58:44What, Beryl?
00:58:45She can ask me anything.
00:58:46Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:47Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:50do you know what beryl she can ask me anything do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs i think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying you'll be all right honest
00:59:26she said i shouldn't smoke it who she said
00:59:31jeffrey
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit jeffrey put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call dr wiseberg quilmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40like you beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35i didn't try at all
01:01:38gave me to rest
01:01:40i'm right off birds
01:01:45i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:02:10good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17i know
01:02:17i
01:02:18do
01:02:18you
01:02:29even
01:02:30you
01:02:31you
01:02:31you
01:02:35you
01:02:37you
01:02:38you
01:02:43you
01:02:46Let's go.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:21I don't know who he is.
01:04:22I don't know who he is.
01:04:23I don't know who he is.
01:04:24I don't know who he is.
01:04:25It's all sale.
01:04:27Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:39Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:09You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:39Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:58Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:08I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:13The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I love you.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:04I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:21Grace who?
01:07:22We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:25Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love.
01:07:30And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er...
01:07:40The boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean, er...
01:07:48permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:57Things of that nature.
01:07:58Oh, we do.
01:07:59Do what?
01:08:00What you just said.
01:08:01Good.
01:08:02Not too much, I hope.
01:08:03Oh, God.
01:08:04Boys are very funny.
01:08:05They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:06Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:10No.
01:08:11Oh.
01:08:12Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:14Fantastic.
01:08:15Oh.
01:08:16Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:17Oh.
01:08:18Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:22Fantastic.
01:08:23The cowgills.
01:08:28Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:30Married couple.
01:08:33the cowgills mr. and mrs. cowgill married couple newlyweds not long married you go bald doing that doing
01:08:51what i'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:09living in sin
01:09:13can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:21if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say what's
01:09:26it matter so long as they're happily married i don't think so a barrel would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she oh i wouldn't say that
01:09:43i haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically i've never said you
01:09:53were you think it
01:10:09all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until i am if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:50what are you staring at
01:10:55hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's
01:11:01theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:08oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's yours sundance
01:11:17hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither
01:11:30side willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what i know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what no spells and what no spells great i might as well go
01:11:50bald and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:12:00good night area good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun being happy
01:12:16take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the
01:12:21middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:27you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:33that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:38make that three a day after meals
01:12:45look beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in denmark then we'll both be happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow do you think you're going
01:13:17jeffrey i'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is what is i keep asking you what is what is to be on our own
01:13:32what says we can talk
01:13:35how old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:48the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:51last night i dreamt i was in gold for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:05the main thing is the main thing is we do communicate oh we do
01:14:24see what i think go on no you mine wasn't important her mom wasn't
01:14:35in ruin
01:14:41beryl
01:14:45are you
01:14:48happy
01:14:49of course
01:14:51very
01:14:54i am no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:01no
01:15:03i'm not
01:15:05Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:35Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:08Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:34Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot.
01:25:53I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:25:59Don't know.
01:26:01I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:06Where will you?
01:26:08Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:12Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like.
01:26:20Don't mind.
01:26:22Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:34Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:40You could go in goal.
01:26:44Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:14Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
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