- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:27God is long.
00:01:28Jesus!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58He's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on. We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:24I told you so, didn't I? I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:28Which is mine?
00:02:30Any except the blonde.
00:02:32Oh, good.
00:02:34They were being stared at. Where?
00:02:38Don't fancy yours.
00:02:42Which is mine?
00:02:44Any except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:48Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:52Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:56About as much as Mountsy-Tung's grandad, with all due respect.
00:03:02To his grandad.
00:03:04Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:06You.
00:03:07I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:11Ignore them.
00:03:13Hi.
00:03:19Hi.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:31Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:35Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:47Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:57It's our lunch hour.
00:03:59It's ours.
00:04:01We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:13Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25You.
00:04:26I don't.
00:04:27I don't.
00:04:28I don't.
00:04:29I don't.
00:04:30I don't.
00:04:31I don't.
00:04:32You.
00:04:33Don't you worry.
00:04:34Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine,
00:04:41Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine, every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather, first you're up there, on another plane and then you're nowhere, and the tears are raining down, it's a run around, love and rainy weather, sure can get you down.
00:05:29Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What? Cutting a rug.
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred. It's called grooving nowadays. Grooving and or freaking. Right?
00:05:50What I'm not doing tonight. Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight? Tomorrow night? Every night.
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:23Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:26And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:30It's his birthright.
00:06:34I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way.
00:06:39Cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:41I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:06:59I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:00No, really.
00:07:01I really do.
00:07:02Some people don't.
00:07:03I do.
00:07:04Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:07Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:12Paul McCartney who?
00:07:13He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:16And please don't say Paul McCartney who, I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:22ever since our day's night. And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you. Terrific self-control.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:52Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:04Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:06A disgusting one.
00:08:12Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:22Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:52Oh, Sandra.
00:08:53There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:26I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:31Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:02What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:05You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:08I say I do.
00:10:09You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:13how about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:16No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:25It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:40I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:42In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:44We're just good friends.
00:10:46Good night.
00:10:47Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:07Hello.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:15Bronies! Bronies!
00:11:18Bronies! Bronies!
00:11:23Bronies! Bronies!
00:11:27Bronies! Bronies!
00:11:29Right time and all.
00:11:30– Argen! – Aye.
00:11:31– Aye. – Argen.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:33Bronies! Bronies!
00:11:35Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I stayed in for a change.
00:11:43Did you get much?
00:11:46Did you?
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:05Ticket. I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:19We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:35Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:05It's all the time.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12It's all the time.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:22At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:28Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:34Yeah.
00:13:35Not especially, no.
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55Which?
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58No.
00:13:59No.
00:14:06See you, then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:12Super socks.
00:14:13Did you see that?
00:14:14They're all on drugs.
00:14:15A lot of them.
00:14:17Oh, oh.
00:14:18...
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27I love them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing. 3-1.
00:14:57Excuse me.
00:15:16Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:15:57What do you, uh...
00:15:58What do you sort of reckon?
00:15:59She's a...
00:16:00Fair sort of bird.
00:16:01Sort of.
00:16:02She's all right.
00:16:03Nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:04Geoffrey.
00:16:05She's a bird.
00:16:06You having a coffee with us?
00:16:07No thanks, kid.
00:16:08Neville's ravenous.
00:16:09You've just eaten.
00:16:10Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:11Sorry.
00:16:12Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:13Sorry.
00:16:14You see.
00:16:15What I thought was all this trying to do...
00:16:16By implication.
00:16:17Probably by implication.
00:16:18Probably by implication.
00:16:19Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:21You see.
00:16:22You see.
00:16:23What I thought was all this trying to do...
00:16:24By implication.
00:16:25Probably by implication.
00:16:26Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:31You see.
00:16:32Yes.
00:16:33Was he the errand boy?
00:16:34Was who the errand boy?
00:16:35Ken Thingy.
00:16:36He directed it.
00:16:37Oh, yes.
00:16:38I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:39He was a little bit of a guy.
00:16:40You know what?
00:16:41Oh, you know.
00:16:42I love that.
00:16:43Oh, I see.
00:16:44You know what I thought was all this trying to do...
00:16:45What I thought was all this trying to do.
00:16:46By implication.
00:16:47By implication.
00:16:48Probably by implication.
00:16:49It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:53You see.
00:16:54Yes.
00:16:55Was he the errand boy?
00:16:56Was who the errand boy?
00:16:57Ken Thingy.
00:16:58He directed it.
00:16:59Oh, yes.
00:17:00I'm thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex? Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42No.
00:17:47Actually, I find girls, most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:02Sex.
00:18:03That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:06Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:28Ken Russell?
00:18:29Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No, please.
00:18:47I won't come in, with it being our first date. No.
00:18:55Oh. Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:15Twenty-five-year mortgage.
00:19:22Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:25Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:49Night-night. God bless.
00:19:52I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:08Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:54Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:55Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:56Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:26Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:27Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:51His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:00What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:03Did she, er...
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:06What?
00:22:08Wow!
00:22:12She doesn't, then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:39Who?
00:22:44I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:46Oh, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:14No.
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:18Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24What?
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:54Good morning.
00:23:55Good morning.
00:23:56Good morning.
00:23:57Good morning.
00:24:10Cholton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:25So close.
00:24:26Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never say anything.
00:24:53It's amazing.
00:24:54We never say anything.
00:24:55I don't know if they don't see me.
00:24:56I don't know if they're not mad.
00:24:57Yeah, they never say anything.
00:24:58You're lying.
00:25:02I was lying.
00:25:03I swear to me.
00:25:04You're lying.
00:25:05I don't know, I don't know if I'm dying.
00:25:06This way of dying to lose.
00:25:07You can't be any time of illness.
00:25:09I don't know if you're dying to stay on holiday.
00:25:10Just as the sun was rising
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take the stream back in Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:07Which is...
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:03It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:56Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:44I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:07So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thought you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know.
00:37:38John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell, no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses... Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:36...and psychologically incredibly boring?
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09You've seen one. You've seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:12Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:24Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:28I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:53Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:55Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:57I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:39:59and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:01It's run out of ink.
00:40:02I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:04My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:08Mmm.
00:40:09Mmm.
00:40:10Mmm.
00:40:11Mmm, please.
00:40:12Mmm, don't.
00:40:13Please.
00:40:14You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:16Mmm.
00:40:17Mmm.
00:40:18Mmm.
00:40:19Mmm.
00:40:20Mmm.
00:40:21Mmm.
00:40:22Mmm.
00:40:23Mmm.
00:40:24Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Mmm.
00:40:27Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:50Well, let it go.
00:40:51I'm gonna keep there now.
00:40:52You're not a bad baby.
00:41:05Well, let it go.
00:41:06Oh, look.
00:41:08Ha, look.
00:41:09Come on.
00:41:10Watch out.
00:41:11I'm a bad.
00:41:12I'll give ya, huh.
00:41:13Come on.
00:41:14No, no, no.
00:41:15We'll give ya.
00:41:16what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0350
00:45:0750
00:45:2150
00:45:2550
00:45:2650
00:45:27all
00:45:28good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:2850
00:45:2950
00:45:3050
00:45:3150
00:45:3150
00:45:33Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:28and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:33Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:18What's for breakfast?
00:47:19You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55Don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00There's no doubt, Geoffrey.
00:48:02I knew you'd expand.
00:48:03I knew, Geoffrey may have had the best in mind of the持 FAERS.
00:48:08Can you take care of yourself?
00:48:10Will you survive for life?
00:48:13Yes, you're alive.
00:48:15Oh, man?
00:48:16Are you malaria quiets here?
00:48:17I want to take care of your wife and 참 tea.
00:48:18Don't succès, shall we not get lonely.
00:48:20When did PETER work?
00:48:22It's the way you treat these chars,
00:48:25but it's ewes, dancing for the water and staff.
00:48:29Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:54Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please, it's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:40Finally splitting up.
00:49:41He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:42Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:43Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:45It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:46Finally splitting up.
00:49:47He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:48Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:49Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:50The entire nation.
00:49:51It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:53Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:55Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:56Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:57The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:58I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:59I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:01It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:03It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:05It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:06Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:00And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:03I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:05I asked you.
00:51:06Did you?
00:51:07Did I say more?
00:51:09Pardon?
00:51:10And how's Beryl, baby getting on, then?
00:51:11Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:14It isn't like you.
00:51:15Say that again.
00:51:16Beryl, baby.
00:51:17What's your name, handsome?
00:51:18You'll laugh.
00:51:19Everybody laughs.
00:51:20It's the story of my life.
00:51:21You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:22She's putting on an axe.
00:51:23She's putting on an axe.
00:51:24What?
00:51:25I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:28I'm going to say that again.
00:51:29Beryl, baby.
00:51:30What's your name, handsome?
00:51:31You'll laugh.
00:51:32Everybody laughs.
00:51:33It's the story of my life.
00:51:35You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:36She's putting on an axe.
00:51:49What do you care?
00:51:51Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:03Are you going to bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:03Oh.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:04Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager at Marks & Spencer's.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:51You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this, what's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:56Let's get down to the real nitty gritties, Phil.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01You're wrong.
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:40We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville.
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:44The perfect girl.
00:57:45Red hair.
00:57:46Not too skinny.
00:57:47Very gentle and shy.
00:57:48Passionate when roused.
00:57:49Yeah.
00:57:50She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:57:51You're very sweet, Roland.
00:57:52I've always thought you were.
00:57:56Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:57:57It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:57:58No, it's nice.
00:57:59No, it's nice.
00:58:00No, it's nice.
00:58:01Oh, I'm sorry.
00:58:02I'm sorry.
00:58:03Impassioned when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:14Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:47I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:51Do you know...
00:58:52What, Beryl?
00:58:53She can ask me anything.
00:58:54Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:56He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:57Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:59Usually.
00:59:00Oh.
00:59:01Oh.
00:59:02Oh.
00:59:03Oh.
00:59:04Oh.
00:59:05Oh.
00:59:06Oh.
00:59:07Oh.
00:59:08Oh.
00:59:09Oh.
00:59:10Oh.
00:59:11Oh.
00:59:12Oh.
00:59:13Oh.
00:59:14Oh.
00:59:15Oh.
00:59:16Oh.
00:59:17Oh.
00:59:18Oh.
00:59:19Oh.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:21Oh.
00:59:22Oh.
00:59:23Oh.
00:59:24Oh.
00:59:25Oh.
00:59:26Oh.
00:59:27Oh.
00:59:28Oh.
00:59:29Oh.
00:59:30Oh.
00:59:31Oh.
00:59:32Oh.
00:59:33Oh.
00:59:34Oh.
00:59:35Oh.
00:59:36Oh.
00:59:37Oh.
00:59:38Oh.
00:59:39Oh.
00:59:40Oh.
00:59:41Oh.
00:59:44Oh.
00:59:45Oh.
00:59:46Oh.
00:59:47Oh.
00:59:48Oh.
00:59:49Oh.
00:59:50Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:50Had a nice time?
01:00:55Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:02Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:02Good morning.
01:02:03Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:32Good morning.
01:02:33Mrs.
01:02:35Lindsey.
01:02:57I?
01:02:58Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir? Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger. I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello? It's me.
01:04:06Who? My God, that's symbolic. Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:21It's a small world.
01:04:22It's a small world.
01:04:23Good evening, sir.
01:04:24Good evening, sir.
01:04:25Thanks, sir.
01:04:26I haven't seen you again.
01:04:27Good evening.
01:04:35It's a small world.
01:04:38A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice, fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:38Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home,
01:06:25they've won three,
01:06:26drawn five
01:06:27and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:57Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly
01:07:18enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:20by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26I'll read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39Well, uh...
01:07:41Boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, uh...
01:07:48permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people
01:08:20have moved into the house opposite
01:08:21with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite
01:08:29with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgill's.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you.
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite
01:09:07with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence
01:09:15without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you,
01:09:23do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter
01:09:26so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me,
01:09:48a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something,
01:10:26when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:25The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:15Take two a day after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:53You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage, twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what face do I want you?
01:14:25See what I think?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:50Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13Well, if I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:31Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41But a simple thing.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know. Spell was no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:00Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:56It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nick.
01:22:13Somewhere to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:31to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:17We're not десят samma class.
01:24:18I know.
01:24:18We're here, guy.
01:24:21Go.
01:24:26Go.
01:24:26Go.
01:24:27Go.
01:24:28echelon.
01:24:29Knock's question?
01:24:30Go.
01:24:40need her to mark any other side.
01:24:41Oh, yeah.
01:24:42Amen.
01:24:43That's correct.
01:24:44Go.
01:24:44Get back.
01:24:44Yeah.
01:24:45Oh, hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then? I don't know.
01:26:01I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:09I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37You could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:07We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Thanks, Jack.
01:28:13Thanks.
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Oh
01:29:35Oh
01:29:37Oh
01:29:39GST
01:29:40en
01:29:45in
01:29:47in
01:29:48in
01:29:48in
01:29:49in
01:29:51in
01:29:51in
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