- 6 weeks ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:34And he's picturing the papers.
00:01:36Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:01:38No, I don't want to.
00:01:40I don't want to wait.
00:01:42I don't want to wait.
00:01:44I don't want to wait.
00:01:46I don't want to wait.
00:01:48I don't want to wait.
00:01:50I don't want to wait.
00:01:52Please...
00:01:54Wait...
00:01:57I don't want to wait.
00:01:58I don't want to wait, standing out here, it's stupid...
00:02:00I don't want to wait, Doctor.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday.
00:02:10But if that was yesterday, he might be here today.
00:02:12No, no...
00:02:14Wait.
00:02:17Sorry, let's go.
00:02:19Oh, no!
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's grandad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:17I'm sorry.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:30Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:34I don't have a car wrecked.
00:04:41Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight
00:06:21Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:33I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:06No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:10I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six old levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:50Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:20Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:46Oh, Sandra
00:09:04You're as almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:03Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14About time and all
00:11:31Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Peace, man
00:11:33Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied
00:11:40I'll save him for a change
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53Was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have, Don
00:11:56Paid him for a change instead
00:12:12Ticket?
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket
00:12:20We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal, then
00:12:24Well, no
00:12:42Night's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43Snooty old bag
00:12:45Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes
00:12:52With bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady
00:12:55With a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still
00:12:58Who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway
00:13:01They're all the same
00:13:02In the dark
00:13:02Rumour has it
00:13:04Different girl every night
00:13:12It's all the type
00:13:13Probably an omen
00:13:16Seeing her before the match
00:13:17Bet we lose
00:13:193-1
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not
00:13:22Making the first move
00:13:23At least I've got me proud
00:13:25Oh, hello
00:13:26Oh, hi
00:13:29Hi
00:13:30Didn't see you
00:13:31You're going that way?
00:13:35Yeah
00:13:35Not especially, no
00:13:37You're going that?
00:13:40Yeah
00:13:40Well
00:13:41Um
00:13:41No
00:13:42I was
00:13:43I sort of
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any
00:13:58I am
00:13:59See you then
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I
00:14:11All right then
00:14:12Right
00:14:13Super socks
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs
00:14:27The lot of them
00:14:28Good score
00:14:46Losing
00:14:483-1
00:14:49Excuse me
00:15:09Excuse me, I
00:15:18Only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:24Ah
00:15:26Hi
00:15:29Hello, mate
00:15:32Peace man
00:15:34Surprise, surprise
00:15:35Surprise
00:15:36In anywhere controversial
00:15:38Pictures
00:15:38The boyfriend
00:15:39She's slim
00:15:41I'm just going to the
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you
00:15:43Are you and Beryl, um
00:15:48You know
00:15:48You know
00:15:52Oh
00:15:54Would you
00:16:03What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a
00:16:07Fair sort of bird
00:16:10Sorry
00:16:11She's all right
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational
00:16:17Obviously
00:16:17Geoffrey
00:16:18She's a bird
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No thanks, kid
00:16:26Neville's ravenous
00:16:27You've just eaten
00:16:29Oh, of course
00:16:32Oh, of course
00:16:32Yeah, sorry
00:16:32You see
00:16:36What I thought Ken was always
00:16:38Trying to do
00:16:39By implication
00:16:40Probably by implication
00:16:42Was to allow the images
00:16:44To provoke a moral response
00:16:45From our own aesthetic judgment
00:16:47You see
00:16:47Yes
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy
00:16:54He directed it
00:16:56Oh, yes
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol
00:17:01Probably
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way
00:17:17Like a person
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:26Marriage
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:42Hmm
00:17:42No
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days
00:17:54Not marriage
00:17:56No, sex
00:17:58Perse-filth
00:18:00Sex
00:18:04That's what I said
00:18:05Oh
00:18:06Well, I'm not like that
00:18:09Not Perse-filth-motivated
00:18:11No
00:18:12No
00:18:14No
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell
00:18:30Yeah
00:18:30No
00:18:31No
00:18:31No
00:18:31This is it
00:18:39This is it
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date
00:18:54No
00:18:55No
00:18:55Oh
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey
00:19:03Oh
00:19:05Nice house
00:19:14Thank you
00:19:15Twenty-five year mortgage
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things
00:19:33Either nothing
00:19:35Or something
00:19:37Or everything
00:19:41Well, don't think about Perse-filth at this stage, Beryl
00:19:45You're not
00:19:47No, I'm not
00:19:49Night-night, God bless
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number
00:20:06In case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is
00:20:13The three and the two make five
00:20:14Which is two less than seven
00:20:15Then two fours
00:20:16And half of four, which is two
00:20:18And half of two, which is one
00:20:19Um
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:21No
00:20:22But you can if you do
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one
00:20:29Night
00:20:30I don't want you to
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28German sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:34Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:04Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:52грabbi.
00:25:00No.
00:25:00Maybe.
00:25:06Tell me.
00:25:07One more walk.
00:25:08Just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden sing.
00:25:14It in the burning low.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Shoes.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream out and film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13I don't know.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:11Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thought you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:00Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know how you do it.
00:37:09I don't know.
00:37:39John for Pope, long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:07Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Well, I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:34What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:41:04What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Stephen.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:33When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought,
00:41:40just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:52However gorgeous.
00:41:55Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:42:03Mmm.
00:42:19Testing, testing.
00:42:21Oh, Jeffrey Millehat returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No.
00:42:55They just mark it.
00:42:57Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:25But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:48In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1850.
00:45:30Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes.
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past 20 in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:41He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:45We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow? No.
00:46:09Well, tomorrow's another day. Shhh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:56Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:45I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00Bye.
00:48:01Fuckin'
00:48:02Spring
00:48:05ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around.
00:48:32What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:43He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:47Finally splitting up.
00:49:48He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:49Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:50Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:51The entire Navy had gone stride.
00:49:52It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:53Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:57Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:14The entire Navy had gone stride.
00:50:19I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:38Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:43At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:03I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:04I asked you.
00:51:05Did you?
00:51:06Did I say more?
00:51:07Pardon?
00:51:08And how's Beryl baby getting on, then?
00:51:10Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:13It isn't like you.
00:51:14Say that again.
00:51:15Beryl baby.
00:51:16What's your name, handsome?
00:51:17You'll laugh.
00:51:18Everybody laughs.
00:51:19It's the story of my life.
00:51:20You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:21She used to put an on, aren't you?
00:51:22She used to put an on, aren't you?
00:51:23What's Beryl baby getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl baby.
00:51:31what's your name handsome everybody laughs it's a story of my life you tell
00:51:42it like it is Chuck
00:51:50she's putting on an axe
00:51:53what do you care
00:51:55I don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:09Geoffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:12well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:19oh
00:52:25I had this bad scene
00:52:28this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where it's at
00:52:41huh
00:52:43lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:45so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:48don't cool it
00:52:50dig
00:52:52dig
00:52:55hmm
00:52:57sorry I no understand English
00:53:01gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:13she has
00:53:15then which is her husband
00:53:17neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it
00:53:32great to dance to
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:39do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41hmm
00:53:43if so what's death
00:53:45erm
00:53:47a banana
00:53:49yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:53have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:57erm
00:53:59no
00:54:01but I've seen the film
00:54:04you married
00:54:05no
00:54:06grab yourself an adage
00:54:08marriage is a cabbage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14are you a poet?
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager of Marks and Spencers
00:54:25good job
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on ITV?
00:54:36this
00:54:38what's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova
00:54:44what's that like?
00:54:46this
00:54:48oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:06shhh
00:55:08shhh
00:55:09women's lip
00:55:10is not about burning brass
00:55:12papers
00:55:13yeah
00:55:14what papers?
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:17a dog's licence
00:55:18whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:26you want to be really basic
00:55:28utterly basic
00:55:29balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:34Enid
00:55:36when Sandra says every girl
00:55:37she means most girls
00:55:38well
00:55:39like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:45balls
00:55:47if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:57would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59you believe in free love right?
00:56:01wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:03freedom from all male chauvinists
00:56:05pig domination
00:56:06honestly
00:56:07don't you understand
00:56:08excuse me
00:56:09you've got your hand on me
00:56:10feral grass
00:56:11no thank you
00:56:12excuse me
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:14you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:16ah
00:56:17oh sorry
00:56:18wow man
00:56:19sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:21oh gee
00:56:22it's pleasure
00:56:23grass
00:56:24Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you're not to smoke it
00:56:38oh wow
00:56:39we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:41we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:45it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49yes
00:56:50you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52now
00:56:55you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:04what are you doing?
00:57:05lighting everybody's fire
00:57:07burn my bra
00:57:08right
00:57:09that's it
00:57:10finished
00:57:11the end
00:57:12full stop
00:57:13we've finally split up
00:57:14Neville
00:57:15Sandra wants you
00:57:16I should imagine
00:57:17sad isn't it?
00:57:18pathetic
00:57:20well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:35it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:39I once thought I'd found her
00:57:42the perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet Robert
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:16did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:21no it's nice
00:58:40I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:54do you know
00:58:55what Beryl?
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04he's upstairs I think
00:59:10is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15usually
00:59:20oh
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:24we'll be alright
00:59:25honest
00:59:27she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:34Geoffrey
00:59:38Geoffrey
00:59:40move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:57put your legs
00:59:59that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:12oh
01:00:13call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:14Quilmslow Road
01:00:20it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then?
01:00:27grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl?
01:00:41had a nice time?
01:00:43even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:57not that I mind
01:00:58if you've had a nice time
01:01:00even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:02having a good night's worry
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since 10, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:15Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:19Good night.
01:02:19Good night.
01:02:20Good night.
01:02:20Good night.
01:02:21Good night.
01:02:21Good night.
01:02:22Good night.
01:02:22Good night.
01:02:23Good night.
01:02:23Good night.
01:02:24Good night.
01:02:24Good night.
01:02:25Good night.
01:02:25Good night.
01:02:26Good night.
01:02:26Good night.
01:02:27Good night.
01:02:27Good night.
01:02:28Good night.
01:02:28Good night.
01:02:29Good night.
01:02:29Good night.
01:02:30Good night.
01:02:30Good night.
01:02:31Good night.
01:02:31Good night.
01:02:32Good night.
01:02:32Good night.
01:02:33Good night.
01:02:33Good night.
01:02:34Good night.
01:02:34Good night.
01:02:35Good night.
01:02:35Good night.
01:02:36Oh, my God.
01:03:06Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:36Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I don't know who he is.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home,
01:06:25they've won three,
01:06:26drawn five
01:06:27and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30So, what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:07:00Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly
01:07:18enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:20by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through
01:07:32going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, er...
01:07:40Boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, er...
01:07:48permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29The cowgills.
01:08:30Fantastic.
01:08:31The cowgills.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:33Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:34Married couple.
01:08:35Newlyweds.
01:08:36Not long married.
01:08:37You go bald doing that.
01:08:41Doing what?
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:44Not long married.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:47You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains, living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:07All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:17Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:28No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:45What are you staring at?
01:10:46Hello?
01:10:47You all right, son?
01:10:48Terrific.
01:10:49Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:50Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:51Hmm.
01:10:52My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:54Oh.
01:10:55What's your theory?
01:10:56Indigestion.
01:10:57Oh.
01:10:58What's yours, Sundance?
01:10:59Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:01He has said one thing.
01:11:02Oh, what's that?
01:11:03If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:07It's all right.
01:11:08How's that?
01:11:09What's that?
01:11:10Oh, what's that?
01:11:12If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:15What's it?
01:11:17What's that?
01:11:18Well, what's that?
01:11:19Well, what's that?
01:11:20What's that?
01:11:21I don't know.
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what N.O. spells
01:11:42and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47And what N.O. spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau,
01:12:54and I'll get a job on the stage,
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:07Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:31What?
01:13:34It says we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is,
01:13:49and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United,
01:13:54and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is,
01:14:10we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15See what face is there, aren't you?
01:14:25See what I...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:42Are you...
01:14:43Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:15To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't salt, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:07So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24A teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandric, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:14And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05See, President, Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:32When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53Forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind.
01:26:22Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:57Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Jeffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Just strong
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