- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:01CastingWords
00:01:05CastingWords
00:01:07But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:49Thanks.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsytongue's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up as a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:45Every single time.
00:04:46For the rainy weather.
00:04:47First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:04:52And the tears are raining down.
00:04:55It's a run around.
00:04:56Love and rainy weather.
00:04:57It's a run around.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:04:59Sure can get you down.
00:05:00Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01Sure can get you down.
00:05:02し buy you.
00:05:03Next you're in Avatar.
00:05:05Okay.
00:05:07David Ambrook.
00:05:09We love horses.
00:05:12You're up there.
00:05:13On another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:16If you're anywhere.
00:05:17And the tears are raining down.
00:05:18It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:22For me weuman tickets.
00:05:26You're down.
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say,
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:06:48I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:43I'm sorry.
00:08:43I'm sorry.
00:08:44I'm sorry.
00:09:02Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library no i don't
00:10:18tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip miraculously undo it does not
00:10:27thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the christmas
00:10:40pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career we're just good
00:10:47friends good night
00:10:49miss bardo
00:11:03marry me
00:11:06you know what they say
00:11:10once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:14about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:33did you have a good time last night great this is you satisfied i saved him for a change
00:11:44did you get much did you get much did you did you know that raping princess anne was a capital
00:11:54offence not that i have done paid him for a change instead
00:12:14problems Maggie look at him for a change that she's looking for a change that he's not here
00:12:15noemosy
00:12:17tried theyas
00:12:18ticket
00:12:19i ain't got me ticket
00:12:21we're late already
00:12:22see you behind the goal then
00:12:24Emily
00:12:35well
00:12:36now its beauty sleeps done nothing for her
00:12:38Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:08Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi. Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way? Yeah. Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that? Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of... Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you? Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight. I am.
00:13:55Which? Which are you? Any. I am.
00:13:58See you then.
00:14:07Tonight? Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:20Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs. The lot of them.
00:14:27Good score.
00:14:28Losing. 3-1.
00:14:49Excuse me, I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:44Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:49You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course.
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see...
00:16:36What I thought Ken Russell was trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:17Like a person.
00:17:18Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Getting married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:28Ken Russell?
00:18:29Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:37This is it.
00:18:42I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Oh.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:25First date with someone.
00:19:26It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:27Either nothing.
00:19:28Or something.
00:19:29Or everything.
00:19:30Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:31I'm not.
00:19:32No, I'm not.
00:19:33Night-night.
00:19:34Night-night.
00:19:35God bless.
00:19:36Night-night.
00:19:37God bless.
00:19:38I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:41I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:15Then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:45Oh!
00:20:46Oh!
00:20:47Oh!
00:20:48Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:49Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:51Oh!
00:20:52Oh!
00:20:53Oh!
00:20:54Oh!
00:20:55Oh!
00:20:56Oh!
00:20:57Oh!
00:20:58Oh!
00:20:59Oh!
00:21:00Oh!
00:21:01Oh!
00:21:02Oh!
00:21:03Oh!
00:21:04Oh!
00:21:05And you will come.
00:21:06It's a nice life flash before me then.
00:21:12Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13He'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:51His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:10Wow!
00:22:13She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:21Chips.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums. Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:54Said he was no-one special.
00:22:56Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:06If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:09Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:12Are you?
00:23:13We'll split after this game.
00:23:15Anything you say.
00:23:16You can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:18Great.
00:23:20And that ends our pro...
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Hallelujah.
00:23:25Pardon?
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:30Goodnight.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:33Morning.
00:23:34Morning.
00:23:35Good morning.
00:24:03Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:13What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:17Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Seth does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:33Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:03Only one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:10I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:15My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey. That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:25Is he? Dishy, or is he? Dishy.
00:25:34He never promises he's going to take this dream at you film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:03Three and two's five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:07Which is... Oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh. My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:39In getting to know a person.
00:28:40Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:55And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:52Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:39It's not.
00:30:40Ugh.
00:30:42It's only the angels crying.
00:30:44I know how they feel.
00:30:45Well, don't blame me.
00:30:46I haven't done anything.
00:30:47That's true.
00:30:48That's not true, Beryl.
00:30:49I have apologised.
00:30:50I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:51Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:53It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:30:54You'd better apologise again.
00:30:55I apologise again.
00:30:56I apologise again.
00:30:57Gosh, this lousy line.
00:30:58Gosh, this lousy line.
00:30:59I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:00Pardon?
00:31:01I don't know.
00:31:02I don't know.
00:31:03I don't know.
00:31:04I've done anything.
00:31:05That's true.
00:31:06That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:07I have apologised.
00:31:08I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:10Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:18Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:21I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:26Pardon?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:28Is that who I think it is?
00:31:31No, dear.
00:31:33Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:54She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world?
00:32:08I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:11For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:20I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:32I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:34He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:48Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:09In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:12He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:42Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:46Often.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:51Often.
00:36:52So, let's go.
00:37:22John for Pope.
00:37:42Longmare reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Uh...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:54Oh, no!
00:38:58Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Her.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:05You've seen one.
00:39:06You've seen them all.
00:39:07Not quite all.
00:39:08I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:12It looks to be my birthday.
00:39:25Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:27I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:28They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:30Yes, they are.
00:39:31Mmm.
00:39:32Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:33Was her?
00:39:34Mmm.
00:39:35Terrific self-control.
00:39:36Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:38Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:39Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:40I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:39:43It's for a night of ink.
00:39:44I used it for me like her eard to pick my men.
00:39:46I used it for me.
00:39:47I used it for me.
00:39:48I've seen a review.
00:39:49My mum.
00:39:50I've seen it a while.
00:39:51All after Percy Filth.
00:39:52Yes.
00:39:53They're all after Percy Filth.
00:39:54Yes, they are.
00:39:55Mmm.
00:39:56Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:57Was it?
00:39:58Mmm.
00:39:59Terrific self-control.
00:40:00Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life?
00:40:02Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:40:03Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:05with my mo felt tip pen. It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mm. Mm. Mm, please.
00:40:16Mm, don't. Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:24Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mm-hm. Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:35What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:58What's your name again?
00:41:00What's yours?
00:41:01Rock.
00:41:02That's not your real name.
00:41:04No. Steven.
00:41:07Oh.
00:41:08Oh.
00:41:09Oh.
00:41:10Oh.
00:41:11Oh.
00:41:12Oh.
00:41:13Oh.
00:41:14Oh.
00:41:15Oh.
00:41:16Oh.
00:41:17Oh.
00:41:18Oh.
00:41:19Oh.
00:41:20Oh.
00:41:21Oh.
00:41:22Oh.
00:41:23Oh.
00:41:24Oh.
00:41:25Oh.
00:41:26Oh.
00:41:27Oh.
00:41:28Oh.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35When I first met you on the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat,
00:41:42and...
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:50Mmm.
00:41:51Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:54Mmm.
00:41:55Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:58Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:28I'm fed up. Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:47What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:40Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30N-no, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:03Good night, Uncle Stephen!
00:45:14Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:18Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:21Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:24A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:28Hey, Veronica! Yes?
00:45:31Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:34A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:40A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:00Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:23What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00Thank you, excuse me.
00:48:01And we'd like to know.
00:48:02Good to know.
00:48:03Ivan, please.
00:48:04If you're my friend, you won't be the late, he will be the late, he will be the late, mate.
00:48:06And we're not.
00:48:08MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Jeffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:26He'll see other girls.
00:49:28I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:32It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:00The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:02I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:04I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course.
00:50:08If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's okay.
00:50:11It's okay.
00:50:12It's okay.
00:50:13It's okay.
00:50:14It's okay.
00:50:15It's okay.
00:50:16It's okay.
00:50:17It's okay.
00:50:18It's okay.
00:50:19It's okay.
00:50:20It's okay.
00:50:21It's okay.
00:50:22I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21How's Beryl baby getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:34You'll laugh.
00:51:35Everybody laughs.
00:51:36It's a story of my life.
00:51:37You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:51:57I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:04Probably.
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:11Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:15It is.
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:31So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:36This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:41Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:51Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:36Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:50A banana.
00:53:53Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:06You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:20You are a poet.
00:54:21To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:33What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39What's on BBC?
00:54:43Catching over.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville.
00:54:59OK?
00:55:01Mm.
00:55:10Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:40Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14You've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:18Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:31Neither of us is boss.
00:56:32It just doesn't arise.
00:56:33We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:34Yes.
00:56:35You see, what we believe is...
00:56:36Now!
00:56:37You see...
00:56:38Where are one?
00:56:39I can see there's only one...
00:56:40one way to get through.
00:56:41What are you doing?
00:56:42Lighting everybody's fire.
00:56:43Burn my bra.
00:56:44What are you doing?
00:56:45Lighting everybody's fire.
00:56:46Burn my bra.
00:56:47What are you doing?
00:56:48Right.
00:56:49I've done this first thing.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:52Yes, sir.
00:56:53You see, what we believe is the...
00:56:54Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:02Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:07Burn my bra.
00:57:12my bra. Right, that's it. Finished. The end. Full stop. We finally split up. Neville, Sandra
00:57:25wants you. I should imagine. Sad, isn't it? Pathetic. Well, I can't follow plays these
00:57:39days. Oh, it's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her. Perfect girl. Red hair. Not too skinny. Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused. She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland. I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin? It's just I'm a bit tired. No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one. Oh, sorry.
00:58:36Do you know what, Beryl? She can ask me anything. Do you know where Jeffrey's got to? He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:53Is it true they're dry on their own? Usually.
00:59:00I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:07You'll be all right. Honest. She said I shouldn't smoke it. Who? She said...
00:59:16Geoffrey? Geoffrey? Geoffrey?
00:59:23Sorry.
00:59:24Ooh.
00:59:25Geoffrey?
00:59:26Sorry.
00:59:28Geoffrey?
00:59:34Oh, I'm sorry.
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:36Ooh.
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:38Ooh.
00:59:39Move up a bit.
00:59:41Oh, I'm sorry.
00:59:43Geoffrey?
00:59:46Ooh.
00:59:48Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs.
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:18It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:36It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:42It wasn't.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:14Would you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:29do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds I am I am for good me too and me
01:01:59good morning your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17good night
01:02:47I'm
01:02:54I'm
01:02:56I'm
01:02:58I'm
01:03:04I'm
01:03:06I'm
01:03:07I'm
01:03:08I'm
01:03:09I'm
01:03:10I'm
01:03:11I'm
01:03:12I'm
01:03:13I'm
01:03:14I'm
01:03:15I'm
01:03:16Jeffrey
01:03:17can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you
01:03:21oh
01:03:22oh
01:03:23oh
01:03:24oh
01:03:25Geoffrey
01:03:26oh
01:03:27God
01:03:28oh
01:03:29Geoffrey
01:03:30oh
01:03:31God
01:03:42hello
01:03:43sir
01:03:44will you be required in the room again sir because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival
01:03:50in Madrid
01:03:51you're a bugger
01:03:52I don't know who he takes after
01:03:55hello
01:03:56it's me
01:03:57who
01:03:58my God that's symbolic
01:04:00oh hello Beryl
01:04:01I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again
01:04:05if you have a phone or call please don't because I shan't be in tonight or any other night
01:04:10anyway tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale
01:04:12oh
01:04:13oh
01:04:14oh
01:04:15oh
01:04:16oh
01:04:17oh
01:04:18oh
01:04:19oh
01:04:20oh
01:04:21oh
01:04:22oh
01:04:23oh
01:04:24oh
01:04:25oh
01:04:26oh
01:04:27oh
01:04:28oh
01:04:29oh
01:04:30oh
01:04:31oh
01:04:32oh
01:04:33oh
01:04:34oh
01:04:35oh
01:04:36oh
01:04:37oh
01:04:38oh
01:04:39oh
01:04:40oh
01:04:46oh
01:04:48oh
01:04:49I oh
01:04:50small world
01:04:52good evening Mrs Battersby
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade
01:04:56oh
01:04:57probably this one
01:05:00definitely magic in satin
01:05:03oh certainly Geoffrey
01:05:04who's here in his nice crimson shoes
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:38Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:02Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am love.
01:07:30I am love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:01Do what?
01:08:02What you just said.
01:08:03Good.
01:08:04Not too much, I hope.
01:08:05Oh, God.
01:08:06Boys are very funny.
01:08:07They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:09Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:27Fantastic.
01:08:28The cowgills.
01:08:29Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:30Married couple.
01:08:31Newlyweds.
01:08:32Not long married.
01:08:34You go bald doing that.
01:08:35Doing what?
01:08:36Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:37The cowgills.
01:08:38Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:41Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:44Not long married.
01:08:47You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so, society, that's you and me, says,
01:11:56end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:20We do.
01:14:21We do.
01:14:22We do.
01:14:23We do.
01:14:24We do.
01:14:25See what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:35Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43Don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:46Nothing.
01:15:47If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:53It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:54It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:04There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:10You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
01:18:31I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:38Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:52Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, man.
01:18:56את tegenaan Square.
01:18:57Saint Anne Square, please.
01:18:58Saint Anne Square.
01:19:01Saint Anne Square, please.
01:19:11So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:18And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring.
01:19:25Wedding ring? Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about? Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking. Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know. I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from. Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:00Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:17Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Fine.
01:21:21Is this fine enough?
01:21:22Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Funny.
01:21:41I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:11I see you, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally,
01:22:28I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Mm.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Mmm.
01:24:23Thank you, Ed, John.
01:24:28Come here, John.
01:24:33Unm.
01:24:37Unm.
01:24:39Unm.
01:24:40Unm.
01:24:41Unm.
01:24:42Unm.
01:24:43Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:18Hi. When's the kick off?
01:25:30In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:34What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:38I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:42Where will you go now then?
01:25:44I don't know. I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:25:50Where will you?
01:25:52Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:54Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:25:56Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:25:58May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:02Just as friends.
01:26:04Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:36the ball.
01:26:38You could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:06Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:20We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52��라!
01:27:57Antarctica!
01:28:00Antarctica!
01:28:02Antarctica!
01:28:07Antarctica!
01:28:12Antarctica!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31To let
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