- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:57About as much as Mao Tse Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:27Peace ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:55Never over.
00:04:58обще'unimmuur isson 曇
00:05:20I'm going twisting tonight then.
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right. What I'm not doing tonight. Right.
00:05:54Right on. You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight. Tomorrow night. Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat. Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this Finney haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception. It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing, and cooking, and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:40Aye!
00:12:40Aye!
00:12:41Aye!
00:12:41Aye!
00:12:42Well, tonight's beauty's sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumor has it.
00:13:04Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:04See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Cough, cough, cough.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:49Excuse me.
00:15:08Excuse me.
00:15:09I...
00:15:09Excuse me.
00:15:18I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:03What do you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14Yes.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey.
00:16:19She's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:42No.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Sex.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:56Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:18:00Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:12Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:31This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night, night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Better who's Geoffrey.
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:49His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she yell?
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chams, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:22:59Why?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:57Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52Then...
00:24:53My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promised he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five.
00:26:06Which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:30It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:27No.
00:28:28No.
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, is Geoffrey?
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Have fun.
00:36:48Let's go.
00:37:18Let's go.
00:37:48Let's go.
00:37:50Aren't you...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:54And you're...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Oh, hell no.
00:38:10That's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:14Where you are.
00:38:16Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:34...is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:06Seen one.
00:39:08You seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:12I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:08My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:33It's me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48Ah, it hurt me in my dark.
00:40:49Come on, Mrs.
00:40:50Yes!
00:40:52simulate a würdful �'
00:40:55one who catches beauty.
00:40:57The man who catches me man 고민 for me.
00:40:58Um...
00:41:01okay, poor político.
00:41:03I have tempered so much issues out there.
00:41:06I have not interest when many girls have any pictures of stuff like me.
00:41:09I can't film his new對對 of the entire Felicia.
00:41:12what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name
00:41:24no stephen
00:41:27god that turns me on
00:41:31when i first met you in the street i thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing oh jeffrey millier returns to the day i wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24yourself
00:42:31i'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:49what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:12well this is your uncle stephen this is my revolting brother jeremy
00:43:18how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25jeremy bed
00:43:26i could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:29jeremy
00:43:31little boys need sleep
00:43:35even big astronauts
00:43:37do you know where babies come from
00:43:41do you
00:43:43say no
00:43:44no
00:43:45i do
00:43:46say yes
00:43:47shall i tell you
00:43:48he knows
00:43:49the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:03who told you that
00:44:05then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:10the others don't bother
00:44:12anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:14then you have a baby
00:44:17did they teach you that at school
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:21people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:25but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes i think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:32no um
00:44:33that's people
00:44:35what is
00:44:38well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:44whenever they feel like it
00:44:51in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:55goodnight jeremy
00:44:5825p
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:05goodnight котle steven
00:45:14ted
00:45:16god
00:45:16goodnight uncle steven
00:45:19old
00:45:20goodnight uncle steven
00:45:22Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica!
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how.
00:45:52You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:45I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Hang me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:18Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put them on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42It's a beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:56I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26What's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cutting over.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:33Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bull!
00:55:55Bull!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Honestly, I'm right, I don't have a medal.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:56Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:10I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23Nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:20I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right.
00:59:26Honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:33Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:39Sorry.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey?
00:59:56Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillms low road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:06Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I.
01:02:18I don't.
01:02:18Good.
01:02:30Yes.
01:02:31Okay.
01:02:38Oh, my God.
01:03:08Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:38Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56PHONE RINGS
01:04:02PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Yes, sir.
01:04:21And my mother.
01:04:22And my mother.
01:04:23And my mother.
01:04:24I'll see you again.
01:04:25Here, here.
01:04:30the small world
01:04:49good evening Mrs Battersby
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade
01:04:56oh
01:04:57probably this one
01:05:00definitely magic in satin
01:05:03oh certainly Jeffrey
01:05:04who's here in his nice crimson shoes
01:05:07you'd like some nice fancy random paper
01:05:13wouldn't you
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe Beryl
01:05:19I have a right to be here
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays
01:05:22try the co-op
01:05:23Beryl listen
01:05:23it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap
01:05:26Beryl listen
01:05:26have you got that in another colour
01:05:29no madam
01:05:30I'll leave it then
01:05:31listen to what for heaven's sake
01:05:42don't matter
01:05:44what doesn't
01:05:46you wouldn't anyway
01:05:46wouldn't what
01:05:48go to the match with me on Saturday
01:05:51me?
01:05:53a football match
01:05:54with 40,000 skinheads and you
01:05:57told you
01:05:58who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield town
01:06:07in the cot
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield town
01:06:12the
01:06:16the fourth from the bottom
01:06:18shows you
01:06:20away from home
01:06:24the one three
01:06:25drawn five
01:06:27and lost twelve
01:06:28drawn five
01:06:30so what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you
01:06:38I think I nearly love you
01:06:38I think I nearly love you
01:06:42never mind it's only a game
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly love me
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United
01:07:21I may be wrong
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24we live in a permissive society
01:07:25Beryl
01:07:26read any colour supplement
01:07:27mother you're supposed to be my mother
01:07:30I am love
01:07:31and it wasn't through going to football matches
01:07:33you are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone
01:07:38yes
01:07:39well er
01:07:40boys are very safe
01:07:42and I am your mother
01:07:43that's what I said
01:07:45I don't mean er
01:07:48permissive permissive
01:07:50see
01:07:52romantic
01:07:53pardon
01:07:55kissing
01:07:57kissing
01:07:57cuddling
01:07:57things of that nature
01:08:00oh we do
01:08:03do what?
01:08:05what you just said
01:08:06good
01:08:07not too much I hope
01:08:09oh god
01:08:10boys are very funny
01:08:11they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:13did I tell you that
01:08:19two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:22oh
01:08:23two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:29fantastic
01:08:32the cowgills
01:08:38mr. and mrs cowgill
01:08:41married couple
01:08:43newlyweds
01:08:45not long married
01:08:47you go bald doing that
01:08:50doing what?
01:08:52do I tell you
01:09:0428 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:08living in sin
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16if I said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so
01:09:29I don't think so
01:09:30a barrel would
01:09:32giving you a bad time is she
01:09:36oh
01:09:38I wouldn't say that
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word
01:09:45what word?
01:09:46goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically
01:09:52I never said you were
01:09:53you think it
01:09:54I never said you were
01:09:55you think it
01:09:56all right Geoffrey
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:14marriage?
01:10:16never
01:10:18well until I am
01:10:20if I ever do
01:10:21which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey
01:10:33you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry
01:10:38no one can say you've completely ruined me life
01:10:42not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at?
01:10:50hello
01:10:55you all right son?
01:10:56terrific
01:10:57why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:02hmm
01:11:04my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:07oh
01:11:08what's your theory?
01:11:09indigestion
01:11:10oh
01:11:11what's yours Sundance?
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:18he has said one thing
01:11:19oh
01:11:20what's that?
01:11:21if god had meant sardines to be in oil
01:11:22it had given them dipsticks
01:11:23all right
01:11:24the weeks and months drag by
01:11:28and with neither side willing to compromise
01:11:31we still have deadlock
01:11:33her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma
01:11:38another wild night learning what no spells and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:43and what no spells
01:11:45and what no spells
01:11:47great
01:11:48i might as well go bald and open me own monastery
01:11:51and so society
01:11:53that's you and me
01:11:54says
01:11:55end this dispute
01:11:57end it now
01:11:59good night
01:12:00hear hear
01:12:01good weren't he?
01:12:03terrific
01:12:04especially when he said good night
01:12:07we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:09having a good time
01:12:11just having fun
01:12:13being happy
01:12:15take two a day
01:12:17after meals
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:22you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look beryl
01:12:49how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51you join a marriage bureau
01:12:53and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:55twice nightly in denmark
01:12:57then we'll both be happy
01:12:59right?
01:13:00right
01:13:01good jesus christ superstar
01:13:02amen
01:13:05oh hell
01:13:06arms up again
01:13:07see you tomorrow
01:13:09where do you think you're going?
01:13:16jeffrey i'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:21what is?
01:13:22i keep asking you what is
01:13:25what is?
01:13:27what is?
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what?
01:13:33so's we can talk
01:13:35what?
01:13:36i've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:43the only bit i can remember is
01:13:48and that's what i think
01:13:50last night i dreamt i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:55grace who?
01:13:56she was playing for united as well
01:13:58weird isn't it?
01:13:59weird isn't it?
01:14:09the main thing is
01:14:12we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:23see what face is going on
01:14:24see what i think
01:14:25go on
01:14:26go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:29her mum wasn't
01:14:41beryl
01:14:45are you
01:14:47happy?
01:14:48of course
01:14:50very
01:14:53i am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:00no
01:15:02i'm not
01:15:07do you think it's because we love each other do you think?
01:15:16probably
01:15:17i've not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:21mostly in words
01:15:22mostly in words to that effect
01:15:37is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41no
01:15:42i don't think so
01:15:43honestly no?
01:15:44nothing
01:15:45nothing
01:15:46if there is
01:15:47there isn't
01:15:48you just tell me and i'll stop doing it
01:15:49there isn't anything
01:15:50honest
01:15:51good
01:15:53it wouldn't upset me
01:15:55it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:16:03like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:07well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks beryl
01:16:10well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks beryl
01:16:11if i did i'd stop
01:16:14to please you
01:16:19i see
01:16:25there's no need to be sensitive jeffrey
01:16:26in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:32your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34i like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk jeffrey
01:16:36handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:41well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:44anything else at random?
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:47after all i'm no bridgette bardot
01:16:49according to reliable sources in san trapez
01:16:52she's 105 next birthday
01:16:53over 98% of the male population of manchester and salford
01:16:56can tell the difference between bridgette bardot and beryl battersby
01:16:59ask any opinion poll
01:17:00i'm much fatter for a start
01:17:02you're not all that fat beryl
01:17:04i am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:06men like something to get hold of
01:17:07if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:09you always succeed in getting back to percy filth in the end don't you always
01:17:13no i don't beryl you do i always fail
01:17:16do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:19the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:22boys like it when girls tell them what n o spells
01:17:25especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:28you never say dig
01:17:30i did then
01:17:31your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:36that's really loveable
01:17:37i never knew you thought that
01:17:40neither did i
01:17:42do now though
01:17:44used to say dig before i met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:00there's a lot about me i can't even remember
01:18:06thinking what i'm thinking
01:18:17thinking what i'm thinking
01:18:30think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:36at all
01:18:38at all
01:18:51oh goodbye then
01:18:53good luck
01:18:55peace man
01:18:59st anne's square
01:19:00st anne's square please
01:19:01st anne's square please
01:19:12so that just leaves a cot
01:19:14two matinee coats
01:19:16two romper suits
01:19:18and what else do i need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:24wedding ring
01:19:26of course
01:19:27oh they have
01:19:29gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:33oh sorry
01:19:35what about
01:19:37skip it
01:19:38about time too
01:19:40about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:42not that i need any actually i've never been as happy in me life
01:19:45but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if i'm looking miserable sandra it's because i'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:55we know what you must be thinking
01:19:58course we do
01:19:59how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:08ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12i won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:18wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk jeffrey
01:20:25i know spells no
01:20:27super day for it
01:20:31hmm
01:20:32sin being inside a day like this
01:20:34well sandra
01:20:37this is it
01:20:38yep
01:20:39the big day
01:20:40yep
01:20:41coming to the crutch
01:20:43crunch
01:20:44i dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think i'll be crying inside because i most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that i am
01:20:57because i shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:02sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:08it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:15and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:17every day
01:21:18feels
01:21:20all right
01:21:21and now one of theods
01:21:23do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:24fine
01:21:25is this fine enough
01:21:26here
01:21:27about there
01:21:28lovely
01:21:29you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:30wow
01:21:31official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:32whew
01:21:33ow
01:21:34oh sorry
01:21:35that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely
01:21:38thank you
01:21:39Thank you. Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny. I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great. You?
01:21:53Never better. Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now. Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:09I see you, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:38Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:28And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry
01:23:55her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:09Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:39Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Um, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:19It's the same thing.
01:25:20It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:27Oh.
01:25:28Hi.
01:25:30When's the kickoff?
01:25:37Hi!
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:01Don't know.
01:26:05Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:53Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:09We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49you know.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Everybody.
01:27:55Right here!
01:27:57Right here!
01:27:59Right here!
01:28:01Right here!
01:28:03Right here!
01:28:05You have to!
01:28:07You have to!
01:28:09You have to!
01:28:11Right here!
01:28:13Right here!
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Are followed by the sun
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