- 7 months ago
Category
๐ฅ
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I'm surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:48But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12It's a run around.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:43Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:58Tonight?
00:05:59Tomorrow night?
00:06:00Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:04Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this Finney haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:32They do their own thing.
00:06:34They do their own things like that.
00:06:35They do their own thing.
00:06:37I'm not hungry.
00:06:38What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:40It's the hip way cool people say, I'm not hungry.
00:06:43La, la, la.
00:06:46La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
00:06:50La la.
00:06:52La la.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really. I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your sick soul levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:49Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41Oh, Sandra.
00:08:42It is almost blonde in this light.
00:08:43Tsk.
00:08:44Tsk.
00:08:45Tsk.
00:08:46Tsk.
00:08:47Tsk.
00:08:48Tsk.
00:08:49Tsk.
00:08:50Tsk.
00:08:52Tsk.
00:08:53Tsk.
00:08:55Tsk.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You are almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17ending it all before we hurt each other too much it's our first date
00:09:27probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget
00:09:43bardo you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:49it's artistic mother like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:10:03what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library no i
00:10:17don't tomorrow off seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip miraculously
00:10:26undo it does not i thought it did not until you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:10:58miss bardo
00:11:05marry me
00:11:09you know what they say
00:11:12once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:26you know that raping princess anne was a capital offence
00:11:40not that i have done
00:11:44did you get much did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offence
00:11:55not that i have done
00:11:57i paid him for a change instead
00:12:10you know that raping princess anne was a capital offence
00:12:18ticket i ain't got me ticket
00:12:20we're late already
00:12:23see you behind the goal then
00:12:36you know that raping princess anne was a capital offence
00:12:41well tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:44snooty old bag
00:12:50trendy
00:12:51crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:54must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56still who else would have him
00:13:00anyway they're all the same in the dark
00:13:02rumor has it
00:13:11different girl every night
00:13:12you can tell the type
00:13:15probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:17i bet we lose 3-1
00:13:19well i'm certainly not making the first move
00:13:23at least i've got me proud
00:13:26oh hello
00:13:28oh hi
00:13:29hi
00:13:30didn't see you
00:13:31no normie
00:13:34you going that way
00:13:35yeah
00:13:36not especially no
00:13:38you going that
00:13:40yeah well um no
00:13:42i was i was i sort of
00:13:44going to the football match
00:13:46are you
00:13:46shopping
00:13:54i'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:56i am
00:13:56which
00:13:56which are you
00:13:57any
00:13:58i am
00:13:58i am
00:14:07see you then
00:14:08tonight
00:14:09pardon
00:14:10oh i
00:14:11all right then
00:14:13right
00:14:19super socks
00:14:24did you see that
00:14:26they're all on drugs
00:14:27a lot of them
00:14:28they're all on drugs
00:14:46they score
00:14:47losing 3-1
00:14:58excuse me
00:15:09excuse me
00:15:18i
00:15:18i
00:15:20i only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:21You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:34You see, what I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:38By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:09Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29Well, I've got a number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:30A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is,
00:17:51a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:45I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47Oh.
00:18:48Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:49Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:50Yes, Geoffrey.
00:18:51Oh.
00:18:52Oh.
00:18:53Oh.
00:18:54Oh.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Nice house.
00:18:5825-year mortgage.
00:19:00Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:01Funny, isn't it?
00:19:02First date.
00:19:03Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:06Funny, isn't it?
00:19:07First date with someone.
00:19:08It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:09Either nothing, or something.
00:19:13It's a nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:22Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-4421.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Ooh.
00:20:30Good night.
00:20:31Good night.
00:20:35Good night.
00:20:38Neighbise dance.
00:20:44Unis aรง.
00:20:46Written zusammen.
00:20:47Unis aรง.
00:20:49well hello mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea. oh they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07can't be mother's day you'd have forgotten has there been any clips mom I want the benefit of your
00:21:19experience what do you think of Andy Warhol you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27who's Jeffrey of course Jeffrey knows about these things oh these things everything who's
00:21:34Jeffrey is fantastically intelligent see Jeffrey's idea Beryl ooze Jeffrey oh no one no one's special
00:21:49his name's Jeffrey how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then what Beryl Bird I told him
00:22:04did she uh did she uh what wow she doesn't then you don't listen do you I said how about Sandra
00:22:20not seeing him tonight then
00:22:36who I've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:47said he was no one special got a phone here why they haven't have they do you want to get some
00:23:06nookie lined up or something if I did do you think I'd be playing dance with you two look are you fed up
00:23:12here are you we'll split after this game anything you say you can go for a few of the king's head great and that ends our probe well Monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah I don't know what you're paying for that phone but whatever it is you're being done good night
00:23:33morning morning
00:24:01chalton for pope long may he rain
00:24:13what's going on pounds up again oh God today's special bloody travelers checks
00:24:23yeah suddenly everyone's going on holiday
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:56Let's go.
00:25:06We were warm just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:30Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Oh, plus.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five.
00:26:02Five, which is... which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:06Which is...
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:36It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:44Over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:48So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:56Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:58Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:24It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:30I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:14No.
00:28:15Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:17Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:25What now?
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36I do.
00:28:37I do.
00:28:38I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Mm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:27He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:29Pardon?
00:30:35Come back. They're better.
00:30:37It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:39It's not.
00:30:41Ugh.
00:30:43It's only the angels crying.
00:30:44I know how they feel.
00:30:46Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:30:48That's true.
00:30:50That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:30:52I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:53Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:54It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:30:55You'd better apologise again.
00:30:57I apologise again.
00:30:59Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:01Oh, I don't blame me.
00:31:02I don't blame me, Beryl.
00:31:03I don't blame me.
00:31:04You've done anything.
00:31:06I'm not lying.
00:31:07I'm lying.
00:31:09Well, I'm lying.
00:31:11I'm lying.
00:31:12What a terrible thing.
00:31:13I'm lying.
00:31:14I'm lying.
00:31:15I'm lying.
00:31:17I'm lying.
00:31:18I'm lying.
00:31:20I'm lying.
00:31:21What's this lousy line?
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road. He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:41I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:57Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses. All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58They're nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:01Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30I've done that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:48Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:05Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:37:11Oh, thanks.
00:37:13As soon as a newcomer, I thought I'd see it, but I...
00:37:16I cant play that for CR9 gosh.
00:37:18Wow.
00:37:19I can.
00:37:21I can.
00:37:23I can.
00:37:24I can.
00:37:26While mine is mine.
00:37:37I'm sorry.
00:37:38And we'll just leave the door.
00:37:39John for Pope. Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh... That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:07Uh...
00:38:09Oh, hell, no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:11If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:29All I was saying about your friend with the glasses... Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland. Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:59Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Her.
00:39:03I haven't really looked.
00:39:05I haven't really looked.
00:39:09You've seen one. You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:24Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:27Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Terrific self-control.
00:39:44Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:48Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:50Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:52I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:39:57It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:39:59My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:00Mmm.
00:40:01Mmm.
00:40:02Mmm.
00:40:03Mmm, please.
00:40:04Mmm, don't.
00:40:05Please.
00:40:06You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:09Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:11Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:13It is me birthday.
00:40:14What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:15I don't believe that question.
00:40:16Oh, what are you going to do?
00:40:17What have you got me?
00:40:18What's your birthday?
00:40:19What are you going to do with my birthday?
00:40:20What are you going to do with my birthday?
00:40:21Will you die if I'm on your birthday?
00:40:22You're waiting for a birthday?
00:40:24Thanks, Alicia.
00:40:25I've got it.
00:40:26I'm going to leave a birthday and you're ready.
00:40:27I'm fine.
00:40:28I'm fine.
00:40:29Yeah, I'm fine.
00:40:31What are you going to go?
00:40:33This is my birthday.
00:40:34Is that my birthday?
00:40:35Do you remember me?
00:40:36Have you?
00:40:37Well, not the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:38Well, what are you going to do with me?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:41:09What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm. Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:01Let's go.
00:42:19Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:31I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No.
00:42:55They just market. Anyone can market. They've got the answers.
00:43:00Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, er...
00:43:13This is your uncle, Steven.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy. Bed.
00:43:26I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:28Jeremy.
00:43:30Little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I don't.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:29No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Goodnight, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Goodnight, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Goodnight, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:26Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:40He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:55Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:33Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:02Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:28You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55You don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:25I knew you'd understand.
00:48:26I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:33Amen.
00:48:34What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:49including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey, lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:47It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:53Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Why?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:26I rivurg.
00:54:26Thank you, Nick.
00:54:28I'll interview him.
00:54:28You're a poet and you will if you know his name is probably wrong with the first quote.
00:54:37My mumรขncia- mentor.
00:54:37To see who's a new girl.
00:54:38Bob, for his child- if you don't know his tie-like scent.
00:54:39Alright.
00:54:40Oh, come on now. You know that's not where it's at. Let's get this. What's the word? Let's get it clear. Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:01Mm. Women's lip is not about burning brass. Papers, yeah. What papers? A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it. Look, let's be basic about this, Enid. All girls want marriage and a wide wedding. Really basic? You want to be really basic? Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls. Grass? Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls. Well, like herself. Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence. But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls! If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to... I'm not recourseing to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What? Bulls! Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right? Wrong! I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination!
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand? Excuse me, you've got your hand on me. If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11Beryl, grass, no thank you! Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry!
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee!
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:24Why not?
00:56:25I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:52You see...
00:56:53Where are one?
00:56:56I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:07Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:13That's it.
00:57:14Finished.
00:57:15The end.
00:57:16Full stop.
00:57:17We've finally split up.
00:57:18Neville?
00:57:19Sandra wants you.
00:57:20I should imagine.
00:57:21Sad, isn't it?
00:57:22Pathetic.
00:57:23Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:26Oh, it's just shocking.
00:57:27I'm sorry.
00:57:28I'm sorry.
00:57:29I'm sorry.
00:57:30I'm sorry.
00:57:31I'm sorry.
00:57:32I'm sorry.
00:57:33I'm sorry.
00:57:34I'm sorry.
00:57:35I'm sorry.
00:57:36I'm sorry.
00:57:37I'm sorry.
00:57:38I'm sorry.
00:57:39I'm sorry.
00:57:40I'm sorry.
00:57:41I'm sorry.
00:57:42Enjoy in real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:05I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22It's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:35Oh, sorry.
00:58:36I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:37Oh, sorry.
00:58:38Do you know...
00:58:39Come on, Beryl.
00:58:40What, Beryl?
00:58:41She can ask me anything.
00:58:42Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:43He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:44Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:45Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:46I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:47Oh, sorry.
00:58:48I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Do you know...
00:58:51What, Beryl?
00:58:52What, Beryl?
00:58:53She can ask me anything.
00:58:54Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:56He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:59Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:13Usually.
00:59:14Oh.
00:59:15I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:16We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:17She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:18Who?
00:59:19She said...
00:59:20Geoffrey.
00:59:21Geoffrey.
00:59:22Geoffrey.
00:59:23Geoffrey.
00:59:24Sorry.
00:59:25Geoffrey.
00:59:37Ooh.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:40Sorry.
00:59:43Ooh.
00:59:45Geoffrey.
00:59:47Oh.
00:59:48Oh.
00:59:49Oh.
00:59:50Oh.
00:59:51Oh.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey. Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wisepurg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:47Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:17Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:19Good morning.
01:02:19Good morning.
01:02:19Good morning.
01:02:19Good morning.
01:02:20Good morning.
01:02:20Good morning.
01:02:20Good morning.
01:02:21Good morning.
01:02:21Good morning.
01:02:22Good morning.
01:02:22Good morning.
01:02:23Good morning.
01:02:23Good morning.
01:02:24Good morning.
01:02:24Good morning.
01:02:25Good morning.
01:02:25Good morning.
01:02:26Good morning.
01:02:27Good morning.
01:02:28Good morning.
01:02:29Good morning.
01:02:30Good morning.
01:02:31Good morning.
01:02:32Good morning.
01:02:33Good morning.
01:02:34Good morning.
01:02:35Good morning.
01:02:36Good morning.
01:02:37Good morning.
01:02:38Good morning.
01:02:39Good morning.
01:02:40Good morning.
01:02:42Good morning.
01:02:43Good morning.
01:02:44Good morning.
01:02:45Good morning.
01:02:46Good morning.
01:02:47Oh, Bernal, Bernal.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Bernal.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Bernal.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't,
01:04:15because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21I'll give you a lunch.
01:04:23Hey, come on, buddy.
01:04:24We're going to get aํผ of the hall.
01:04:25If you can join us at, I'll give you a chance.
01:04:27Hey.
01:04:28Hey!
01:04:29Hey, look, baby.
01:04:30Hey.
01:04:31Hey, look, em.
01:04:32Hey.
01:04:33Hey.
01:04:34Hey.
01:04:35Hey.
01:04:36Hey.
01:04:39Hey.
01:04:40Hey.
01:04:41Hey.
01:04:42Hey.
01:04:43Hey.
01:04:44Hey.
01:04:45Hey.
01:04:46Hey, hey.
01:04:47Hey.
01:04:48Hey, hey.
01:04:49Hey, hey.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random neighbour, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen. If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen. Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour? No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:41Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town. In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:13The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:30So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39Lou Boatswain.
01:06:40I'll jump.
01:06:41I am sorry.
01:06:45dwarvesแบงy.
01:06:59Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:50I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgill's.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52All right.
01:08:52All right.
01:08:53All right.
01:08:53All right.
01:09:04Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically out to...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52You all right, son?
01:10:53Terrific.
01:10:54Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:58Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:59My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:03Oh.
01:11:04What's your theory?
01:11:05Indigestion.
01:11:06Oh.
01:11:07What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:08Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:09He has said one thing.
01:11:10He has said one thing.
01:11:11Oh, what's that?
01:11:12If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:16The weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:21deadlock. Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:26Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:28And what N.O. spells. And what N.O. spells. Great. I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:36And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute. End it now. Goodnight.
01:11:56Hear, hear.
01:11:57Good, weren't I?
01:11:59Terrific. Especially when it says goodnight.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Triffic. Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:48Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:51You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy. Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00You're Jesus Christ, Superstar. Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Time's up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34Says we can talk.
01:13:35What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:52and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:12Oh, we do.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what face...
01:14:24See what...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:26No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:30Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:30Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42Don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:48You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:53It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:54It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like...
01:16:04You know...
01:16:05Crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:23There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:49According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:53Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:16:59Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:00I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:07If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:09You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:22Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:25Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:28You never say dig.
01:17:30I did then.
01:17:31Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:36That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:40Neither did I.
01:17:42I do now, though.
01:17:52I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:58I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:04There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:58Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:02Funny enough.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Eh, fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow. Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right. Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely. Thank you.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group with the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better. Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now. Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12Sea President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:14That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I know.
01:22:18Why? Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:38Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we? About things that matter.
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:59My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:03I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:05I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:08Aw. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:11I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:13Good.
01:23:15I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:17Thank you, love.
01:23:18Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:20And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:22Fantastic.
01:23:24For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:26I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:30In bed a bit.
01:23:31In bed a bit.
01:23:32And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol,
01:23:34and marry her three days later.
01:23:36We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:23:38And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:40Fantastic.
01:23:41For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:45I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:47In bed a bit.
01:23:49And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol,
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:57We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:20APPLAUSE
01:24:31Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:32You won't remember me?
01:24:33Good afternoon.
01:24:34Good afternoon.
01:24:35Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:36You won't remember me?
01:24:37Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:24:38Oh, um...
01:24:39Is, er...
01:24:40Is, er...
01:24:41Is Beryl there, please?
01:24:42She's gone to the football match.
01:24:43She's gone to the football match.
01:24:44There is no football.
01:24:45It's cricket now.
01:24:46Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:24:47She's gone to the football match.
01:24:48But, uh, there is no football.
01:24:49It's cricket now.
01:24:50Well, that's the same thing, isn't it?
01:24:51That's what you're saying.
01:24:52Hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:07She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:22Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:43In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37You could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:09We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:35All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:41You will, Beryl.
01:27:43Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:47Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Team
01:28:01Team
01:28:05Team
01:28:09Team
01:28:11Team
01:28:13Team
01:28:14Team
01:28:17Team
01:28:17Team
01:28:18Team
01:28:19And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Oh, oh, oh.
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