- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I'm surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:48But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12It's a run around.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:43Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:58Tonight?
00:05:59Tomorrow night?
00:06:00Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:04Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this Finney haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:32I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:50La, la, la.
00:06:52La, la, la.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:06I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:28You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:30I never touched you.
00:07:32Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:37Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:07:38Not a dirty weekend.
00:07:39A disgusting weekend.
00:07:40I don't know.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:42What did you say your name was?
00:07:43What did you say your name was?
00:07:44Beep?
00:07:49Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:09one. Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:23Have you always been insatiable? It's not my fault. It's just that I don't like
00:08:32blondes. It's psychosomatic. I'm sorry.
00:09:02Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong? Just being brave. What about? Ending it all. Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet. Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother. Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:57What?
00:10:04Got it. Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:50Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:07You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester, lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:17Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:24Marry me.
00:11:26Marry me.
00:11:29It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Bardot?
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:58I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:09Ticket? I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:09Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:37You going that way?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs, a lot of them.
00:14:28No.
00:14:46Did he score?
00:14:48Losing.
00:14:493-1.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me.
00:15:18I...
00:15:23I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:26Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:54Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:09Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:16Nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey.
00:16:19She's a bird.
00:16:24You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:33Sorry.
00:16:36You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:40By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:56He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:18Like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:30The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls that is,
00:17:52a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Phil.
00:18:01That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not person felt motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:18Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:19Funny, isn't it?
00:19:20First date with someone.
00:19:21It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:37Or something.
00:19:38Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Philth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:49Oh!
00:20:50Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:51Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:52Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54It's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:13She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chum sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:33Who?
00:22:34I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:56Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:16We'll split after this game.
00:23:17Anything you say.
00:23:18We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:20Great.
00:23:22And that ends our probe.
00:23:24Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hello?
00:23:26Hallelujah.
00:23:27Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:33Good morning.
00:23:34Good morning.
00:23:35Good morning.
00:23:40Good morning.
00:23:46Good morning.
00:23:52Okay, what'd the number?
00:23:56Good morning. Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:53No.
00:24:54No.
00:24:55No.
00:24:56No.
00:24:57No.
00:24:58No.
00:24:59No.
00:25:00No.
00:25:01No.
00:25:02No.
00:25:03No.
00:25:04No.
00:25:05No.
00:25:06No.
00:25:07No.
00:25:08No.
00:25:09No.
00:25:10No.
00:25:11No.
00:25:12No.
00:25:13No.
00:25:14No.
00:25:15No.
00:25:16No.
00:25:17No.
00:25:18No.
00:25:19No.
00:25:20No.
00:25:21No.
00:25:22No.
00:25:23No.
00:25:24No.
00:25:25No.
00:25:26No.
00:25:27No.
00:25:28No.
00:25:29No.
00:25:30No.
00:25:31No.
00:25:32No.
00:25:33No.
00:25:34No.
00:25:35No.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:53PHONE RINGS
00:26:54Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Jeffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:06PHONE RINGS
00:27:07It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:02Unless you're Countess Stamboll.
00:28:09Istan...
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:31Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:11Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey, bubble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl.
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:48It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:01Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:00Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been aghast.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been aghast.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48I don't know how you do it.
00:36:49I don't know how you do it.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:51I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:29John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:57Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:27All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, Uncle Ross.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49All right.
00:40:50You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:51What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:25No, Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:53Hmm.
00:41:54Hmm.
00:41:55Hmm.
00:41:56Hmm.
00:41:57Hmm.
00:41:58Hmm.
00:41:59Hmm.
00:42:00Hmm.
00:42:01Hmm.
00:42:02Hmm.
00:42:03Hmm.
00:42:06Hmm.
00:42:07Hmm.
00:42:08Hmm.
00:42:09Check it out.
00:42:10Stay away.
00:42:11Stay away.
00:42:12Stay away.
00:42:13Stay away.
00:42:14Stay away.
00:42:15Stay away.
00:42:16Stay away.
00:42:17Stay away.
00:42:18Stay away.
00:42:19Stay away.
00:42:20Stay away.
00:42:21Testing.
00:42:22Oh, Geoffrey Millieup returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:39I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No?
00:42:55They just market.
00:42:57Anyone can market.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53There's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:29No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p.
00:44:5950p.
00:45:0050p.
00:45:0150p.
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica!
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:41He's going now.
00:45:42Good night, love.
00:45:43Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:11I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Yes, hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:00Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:30You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:29Charlton for Pope.
00:48:30Long me around.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:34Pounds down again.
00:48:35Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:37You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:52Hey, lads.
00:48:53I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:54Who didn't?
00:48:55No, it's true.
00:48:56Yes, Geoffrey.
00:48:57It is.
00:48:58Yes, Geoffrey.
00:48:59It is.
00:49:00Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:02Bloody is.
00:49:04Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:05Beryl, please.
00:49:06It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:07You had to invite him.
00:49:08He'll see me.
00:49:09It's cruel.
00:49:10He'll see other girls.
00:49:11I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:12I shan't.
00:49:13I shan't.
00:49:14It's been two weeks.
00:49:15He may have got over you by now.
00:49:16Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:17Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:18Beryl, please.
00:49:19It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:22It's cruel.
00:49:23He'll see other girls.
00:49:24I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:27I shan't.
00:49:28It's been two weeks.
00:49:29He may have got over you by now.
00:49:31Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:34It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:03Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01Good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:03I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:04I asked you.
00:51:05Did you?
00:51:06Did I say more?
00:51:07Pardon?
00:51:08And how's Beryl baby getting on, then?
00:51:09Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:14It isn't like you.
00:51:15Say that again.
00:51:16Beryl baby.
00:51:17What's your name, handsome?
00:51:18You laugh.
00:51:19Everybody laughs.
00:51:20It's the story of my life.
00:51:21You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you. Say that again, Beryl baby.
00:51:32What's your name, handsome?
00:51:35You laugh. Everybody laughs. It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She's putting on an axe. What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:05Probably.
00:52:08Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:25Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:45Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:04Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:18You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager of Marks and Spaces.
00:54:25Don't you?
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:29Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's licence.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Bulls.
00:55:32What?
00:55:33Gross.
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:35When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:51I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01You're wrong.
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:38Oh, wow.
00:56:40We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:14Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville.
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43It's just showing real life.
00:57:44It's just showing real life.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:05I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:35Oh, sorry.
00:58:36Do you know...
00:58:37What, Beryl?
00:58:38She can ask me anything.
00:58:42Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:44He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:46Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:48I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:56What, Beryl?
00:58:57She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25He'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:31She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:43Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:45Put your legs...
00:59:47That's better.
00:59:49It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
00:59:52Oh!
00:59:53Oh!
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh!
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:39It wasn't long.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:56Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:28Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:34I didn't try at all.
01:01:38Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:58Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:28I am.
01:02:30I am.
01:02:34No, I have a reservation.
01:02:36I am.
01:02:38I am.
01:02:40I am.
01:02:42For a while.
01:02:44I am.
01:02:46I am.
01:02:48There's an errand.
01:02:50No瞬.
01:02:52I am.
01:02:54No, no.
01:02:56I am.
01:02:58Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:43Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:55I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20The school jumble sale.
01:04:21The school jumble sale.
01:04:22The school jumble sale.
01:04:27Hello?
01:04:28Hello.
01:04:29Hello?
01:04:30Hello?
01:04:31Hello, Beryl.
01:04:32Hello, Beryl.
01:04:33Hello, A Small World.
01:04:37Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:38A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice, fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:38Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home,
01:06:25they've won three,
01:06:26drawn five
01:06:27and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly
01:07:18enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:20by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, so, well, uh,
01:07:41boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, uh,
01:07:48permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people
01:08:20have moved into the house
01:08:20opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved
01:08:28into the house opposite
01:08:29with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:02Do I tell you,
01:09:0428 stockbrokers
01:09:06have moved into the office
01:09:07opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say
01:09:14one single sentence
01:09:15without the word
01:09:15marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you,
01:09:23do you think Cassius Clay
01:09:23would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say
01:09:26what's it matter
01:09:26so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time,
01:09:36is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned
01:09:45the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me,
01:09:48a single person
01:09:49can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking
01:09:52she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:59All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise
01:10:12never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope
01:10:23I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not
01:10:25uttering something,
01:10:26when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people
01:10:32have a divine right
01:10:33to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty
01:10:36about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say
01:10:41you've completely
01:10:42ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw
01:10:59your sponge pudding
01:11:00at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory
01:11:02is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is
01:11:05you're overdoing it
01:11:06with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said
01:11:18anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant
01:11:22sardines to be in oil,
01:11:23it had given them
01:11:24dipsticks, all right?
01:11:27The weeks
01:11:28and months
01:11:28dragged by
01:11:29and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have
01:11:33deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's
01:11:35government
01:11:36have consistently
01:11:37tried to find
01:11:37a way out
01:11:38of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night
01:11:41learning what
01:11:41N.O. spells
01:11:42and how many
01:11:42of us school pals
01:11:43are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:48I might as well
01:11:50go bald
01:11:50and open
01:11:51me own monastery.
01:11:52And so
01:11:52society,
01:11:54that's you and me,
01:11:55says,
01:11:56end this dispute.
01:11:58End it
01:11:59now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he
01:12:06said good night.
01:12:08We're just
01:12:09enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day
01:12:17after meals
01:12:18and one if you
01:12:20find yourself
01:12:20crying your heart out
01:12:21again in the middle
01:12:21of a zebra crossing
01:12:22for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure
01:12:27this has nothing
01:12:28to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first
01:12:34film we ever
01:12:35saw together.
01:12:38Make that three
01:12:38a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl,
01:12:50how's this
01:12:51for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage
01:12:53bureau and I'll
01:12:55get a job on the
01:12:55stage twice nightly
01:12:57in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be
01:12:58happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ,
01:13:02superstar, amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:07Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you
01:13:11think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey,
01:13:17I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you
01:13:25what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:31What?
01:13:34Says we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech
01:13:43worked out on the
01:13:44bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can
01:13:48remember is, and
01:13:49that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I
01:13:52was in goal for
01:13:53Manchester United and
01:13:54Grace Kelly kicked
01:13:54nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for
01:13:58United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15what face is there, aren't you?
01:14:25See what I...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:42Beryl?
01:14:43Beryl?
01:14:44Are you...
01:14:46Are you...
01:14:47happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second
01:14:56of every minute
01:14:57of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:34Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:08There's a lot about me.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:24Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Hi.
01:25:26When's the kick off?
01:25:29Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Good place, shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:05Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Who's that?
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Beryl!
01:27:57Beryl!
01:28:02Beryl!
01:28:02Beryl!
01:28:03Beryl!
01:28:05Beryl!
01:28:08Beryl!
01:28:09Beryl!
01:28:11Beryl!
01:28:13Beryl!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
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