- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:07But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:27God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:52We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:59Only his picture in the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:05A little daft standing out here, it's stupid.
00:02:07But he might come in a minute.
00:02:09Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:11But that was yesterday, he might be here today.
00:02:13A little daft standing here.
00:02:15Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:19Oh no!
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:40I don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's grandad.
00:03:03With all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:16Hi.
00:03:17Hi.
00:03:18Hi.
00:03:19Hi.
00:03:20Hi.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:30Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:03We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:52Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure I can get you down
00:05:27Now going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their old thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:21Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:10I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22Ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:17Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:43Ah
00:08:47Oh, Sandra
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, mother
00:09:50It's artistic, mother
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:03Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07If I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying
00:10:12Quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven
00:10:16Outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven
00:10:20Outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip
00:10:25Miraculously undo
00:10:26It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot?
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14Martin!
00:11:15Martin!
00:11:17Martin!
00:11:19Martin!
00:11:21Martin!
00:11:22Martin!
00:11:23Martin!
00:11:24Martin!
00:11:25Martin!
00:11:26Martin!
00:11:27Martin!
00:11:28Martin!
00:11:29About time and all
00:11:30Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Peace man
00:11:33Martin!
00:11:34Martin!
00:11:35Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied
00:11:40I stayed in for a change
00:11:42Martin!
00:11:43Did you get much?
00:11:45Martin!
00:11:46Martin!
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:48Martin!
00:11:49Martin!
00:11:50Martin!
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done
00:11:55Not that I have done
00:11:56I played in for a change instead
00:11:59Ticket?
00:12:00I ain't got my ticket
00:12:01We're late already
00:12:02See you behind the goal then
00:12:06Ticket?
00:12:07I ain't got my ticket
00:12:08We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal then
00:12:24Martin!
00:12:25Martin!
00:12:26Martin!
00:12:27Martin!
00:12:28Martin!
00:12:29Martin!
00:12:30Martin!
00:12:31Martin!
00:12:32Martin!
00:12:33Martin!
00:12:34Martin!
00:12:35Martin!
00:12:36Martin!
00:12:37Martin!
00:12:38Martin!
00:12:39Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43snooty old bag
00:12:45It's Rose
00:12:46No!
00:12:48.
00:12:50dizer
00:12:51Trendy
00:12:52Trimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:55Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still
00:12:57Who else would have him?
00:12:58Anyway
00:13:01They're all the same in the dark
00:13:02rumor has it
00:13:10Different girl every night
00:13:12you can tell the type
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42Oh, I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27They're all on drugs.
00:14:28A lot of them.
00:14:46Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:49.
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:07Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36I see.
00:15:37In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55Would you, uh...
00:15:56What do you sort of reckon?
00:15:57She's a...
00:15:58Fair sort of bird.
00:15:59Sort of.
00:16:00She's all right.
00:16:01I'm sorry.
00:16:02She's all right.
00:16:03She's all right.
00:16:04I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:05Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:07You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:08No, thanks, kid.
00:16:09Neville's ravenous.
00:16:10You've just eaten.
00:16:11Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:12Sorry.
00:16:13You see, what I think it was always trying to do...
00:16:14By implication.
00:16:15Probably by implication.
00:16:16Probably by implication, was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own
00:16:45aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:48Was he the errand boy?
00:16:49Was who the errand boy?
00:16:50Ken Thingy.
00:16:51He directed it.
00:16:52Oh, yes.
00:16:53I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:54Probably.
00:16:55You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:58Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:59It's over 200 yards.
00:17:00And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:01Like a person.
00:17:02Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:03Sex?
00:17:04Marriage.
00:17:05Pardon?
00:17:06The number of boys it has to do.
00:17:07I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:08I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:09Probably.
00:17:10You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:14And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:15Like a person.
00:17:16Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:19Sex?
00:17:20Marriage.
00:17:21Pardon?
00:17:22The number of boys it has to do.
00:17:23A couple of dates and, pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Getting married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:42Oh.
00:17:44Actually, I've never had to be a little more.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex. That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:18Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol? Ken Russell? Yeah. No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:48I won't come in, with it being our first date. No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:06Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:25It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:55I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-442-1.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-442-1.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Long live life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life have life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life a life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life
00:20:59Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:10Oh!
00:22:10Oof!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said!
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:29Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:00Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:17Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:01We never see any one morning, just as the sun was rising.
00:25:12I heard the maidens singing in the valley below.
00:25:17your singing a hope. See Geoffrey on Sunday. Oh, Geoffrey. That Neville's the
00:25:25greatest. Is he dishy or is he dishy? I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One date
00:25:40was enough. Why? He's Cancer and I'm Libra. Is that bad? Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five. Five. Which is... Which is... Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is... Oh. I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clerks. Your lot. Football supporters. Hippies. Oh. My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds. It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it then. Fate. All over by 7.23 precisely. So what? Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock? Is that Geoffrey? Is that Beryl? Yes. Yes. Hi. Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person. Fantastic.
00:27:19I want to know all about you. That's what it's all about. For example, with things in common already. Definitely.
00:27:29About what? We're enormously fond of animals. Right. And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:41Have you ever been abroad? No. Have you ever been abroad? No. Have you? No. Unless you count Istanbul.
00:27:55Istanbul? Istanbul? Istanbul? Was it beyond belief? I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:14No. Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before? Sometimes. I do. What now?
00:28:28No. Just...just sometimes. Yes, I do.
00:28:35Such a lot, isn't there? In getting to know a person. Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed. His stride quietly casual. His eyes clear and confident. And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have. It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:32It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything. Conquer Everest. Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition. Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:00I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:09Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you. It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:54I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:18I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12What's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Very nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:42I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:07Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:25Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:44Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:24I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:35:58You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it up?
00:36:07No.
00:36:08We're going to pack it in.
00:36:09Don't say that.
00:36:10Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:26Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:55этого.
00:36:57Let's go.
00:36:58Yes, sir.
00:36:59It's better than you.
00:37:00Of course.
00:37:01It's good for this and hence Yes, yes.
00:37:03You can comment at her and it is poor, duh.
00:37:06There, no more than that can be said.
00:37:09You can do either.
00:37:11Please take me, indeed, generally.
00:37:14Once she does, I'll give her a bit of a hassle.
00:37:17There we go.
00:37:19There it is.
00:37:20It's more of a matter of a vintage and expensive.
00:37:22John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland. Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51What?
00:38:53Oh, my.
00:38:54Did she turn you on?
00:38:56Beryl?
00:38:57Her.
00:38:58I haven't really looked.
00:38:59If you've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:02Not quite all.
00:39:03I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:08I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:09I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:10Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:11Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:12I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:14They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:15Yes, they are.
00:39:16Mmm.
00:39:17Mmm.
00:39:18Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:19Wasn't it?
00:39:20Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:21Wasn't it?
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Terrific self-control.
00:39:25Mmm.
00:39:26Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:27Was it?
00:39:28Mmm.
00:39:29Terrific self-control.
00:39:30Mmm.
00:39:31Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:32Was it?
00:39:33Mmm.
00:39:34Terrific self-control.
00:39:35Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:36Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:37Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:40I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't. Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:29It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:40:50I was 11 years old.
00:41:02I was 11 years old.
00:41:04I didn't know how to save the
00:41:19What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:19Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:26I'm fed up.
00:42:31Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:35What are you fed up about?
00:42:38Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:41No?
00:42:42They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:42:48Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:51What's he doing here, then?
00:42:53Well, this is your Uncle Steven. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:00How do you do?
00:43:01Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:02Jeremy, bed.
00:43:03I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:04Jeremy?
00:43:05I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:06Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:08I don't know.
00:43:09What's he doing here, then?
00:43:10Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:11What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:17This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20What's he doing here?
00:43:21How do you do?
00:43:22Don't me mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48No.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15You have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1460p doodles.
00:45:1519p?
00:45:1620p from the today.
00:45:2320p?
00:45:2840p.
00:45:3020p?
00:45:3122p?
00:45:325p?
00:45:3324p...
00:45:3622p?
00:45:3920p?
00:45:40A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:41He's going now.
00:45:42Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Hang me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:04Uh, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:00No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Catching over.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14You've got your hand on me.
00:56:14I'm right, I'll turn it over.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is a...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:24I'm sorry.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:28I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:31Oh, sorry.
00:58:32Do you know...
00:58:32Do you know what, Beryl?
00:58:34She can ask me anything.
00:58:34Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:36I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:40Oh, sorry.
00:58:41Do you know...
00:58:46What, Beryl?
00:58:47She can ask me anything.
00:58:48Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:50He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:58Oh, I don't think I've washed that one.
00:59:02Maybe I don't think I've washed that one.
00:59:04I don't think I've washed that one.
00:59:05Oh, sorry.
00:59:06Do you know...
00:59:07What, Beryl?
00:59:08She can ask me anything.
00:59:08Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:10He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:41Oh, no!
00:59:43Sorry.
00:59:47Geoffrey?
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:55Put your legs...
00:59:57That's better.
01:00:01It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:05Oh!
01:00:11Oh!
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:41It was the real thing.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:41I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:41Better.
01:02:42Better.
01:02:43Better.
01:02:47Mhm.
01:02:47Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:40The small world.
01:04:53Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:55I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39I think I nearly love you.
01:06:40I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41I think I never found it.
01:06:42I think I never loved you.
01:06:43I think I actually never found it…
01:06:44I think I never loved you.
01:06:49I know.
01:06:50I've never found it.
01:06:51Me?
01:06:52I know.
01:06:53Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:23Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:50Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon? Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do. Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:30The cowgills. Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill. Married couple. Newlyweds. Not long married. You go bald doing that.
01:08:49Doing what?
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:51I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains. Living in sin.
01:09:08Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:27I don't think so.
01:09:30A barrel would.
01:09:33Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:36Oh.
01:09:37I wouldn't say that.
01:09:42I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:44What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:51I never said you were!
01:09:52You think it!
01:09:53All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:12Marriage?
01:10:13Never.
01:10:14Well, until I am. If I ever do.
01:10:17Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:20For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:26No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey. You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:36I'm sorry.
01:10:37No one can say you've completely ruined me life. Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then? Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks. All right.
01:11:26The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:06We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:09Having a good time.
01:12:11Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:25You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:48Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, well.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:20We do.
01:14:21We do.
01:14:22We do.
01:14:23We do.
01:14:24We do.
01:14:25See what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:30Mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:35Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:48You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58What?
01:16:03Like...
01:16:04You know...
01:16:05Crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:26In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:22Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:25Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:30I did then.
01:17:31Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about. That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:40Neither did I.
01:17:41Do now, though.
01:17:43I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:31I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:52Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59Saint Anne's Square.
01:19:00Saint Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:37Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:25I know.
01:20:26Spell was no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:17Hold.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here.
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bardo salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's tuna fish.
01:22:06It's tuna fish.
01:22:12See, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:14That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:26Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:58My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:00I'm right off it myself.
01:23:02I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:03Aw.
01:23:04I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:05I hope not.
01:23:06It's marvellous.
01:23:07Good.
01:23:08Good.
01:23:09I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:10Thank you, love.
01:23:11Still off the food I noticed.
01:23:12And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:13Fantastic.
01:23:14For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:15Only someone I love.
01:23:16I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:17Ha!
01:23:18Ha!
01:23:19Ha!
01:23:20Ha!
01:23:21Ha!
01:23:22Ha!
01:23:23Ha!
01:23:24Ha!
01:23:25Ha!
01:23:26Ha!
01:23:27Ha!
01:23:28Ha!
01:23:29Ha!
01:23:30Ha!
01:23:31Ha!
01:23:32Ha!
01:23:33Ha!
01:23:34Ha!
01:23:35Ha!
01:23:36Ha!
01:23:37Ha!
01:23:38Ha!
01:23:39Ha!
01:23:40Ha!
01:23:41Ha!
01:23:43Ha!
01:23:44Ha!
01:23:45Ha!
01:23:46Ha!
01:23:47Ha!
01:23:48Ha!
01:23:49Ha!
01:23:50Ha!
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry
01:23:54her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now. We're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:09Well...
01:24:13We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Mm-hmm.
01:24:18Here we are, Pa!
01:24:19Yeah, we're going to be right here.
01:24:23Here's the first.
01:24:26You're wrong, boss.
01:24:27We're going to be right back here!
01:24:28Yeah, we're going to be right back.
01:24:29Thank you for this.
01:24:30But we all got here.
01:24:31We're going to be right back here.
01:24:33The next film is given by the time.
01:24:34Well, that's funny!
01:24:36Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey. Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:30Hi. When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then? Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty? Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends. Oh, I meant just as friends. Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:52Too long.
01:26:53Interesting.
01:26:54It's too late.
01:26:55I think I will ever go outside.
01:26:56You could go outside, If you're still a little bit of fun.
01:26:58Can you tell me?
01:27:00It's like, OK, how are you?
01:27:01Because it's funny.
01:27:02Good.
01:27:03Good.
01:27:04Good.
01:27:05Good.
01:27:07Good.
01:27:08Good.
01:27:09Good.
01:27:10Good.
01:27:12Good.
01:27:13Good.
01:27:14Good.
01:27:15Good.
01:27:16Good.
01:27:17Good.
01:27:18Good.
01:27:19Good.
01:27:20You could do.
01:27:21We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Ransom! Ransom! Ransom! Ransom!
01:28:05Ransom! Ransom! Ransom!
01:28:18Ransom! Ransom!
01:28:20And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:29Love and rainy weather
Comments