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00:00The following programme contains strong language.
00:10Good afternoon. Thank you for joining us for today's daily briefing on coronavirus.
00:18I'd like to update you all on the government's plan to defeat the virus and on the latest developments.
00:26Why do they refer to the elderly as if we're another species?
00:33Fragile, vulnerable.
00:36If we hadn't fucked someone or a few people, they wouldn't even have been born.
00:41I was told to shield.
00:44It sounds dynamic, but I suspect it won't be.
00:49At least the old boar will stop calling round.
00:54A widow, of course.
00:56With this ridiculous supposition that we both get on because we're both old.
01:05I was in a care home last week after the fall.
01:11The dreaded fall.
01:15Vincenzo was wonderful there.
01:21Vincent, with his allotments and his motorbike and his leathers.
01:30I work as a senior clinical support worker.
01:38My role entails anything, from doing minor dressing to administering medication, ensuring that people are fed, you know, being able to be a buddy for them.
01:50Because for a while now, they won't be able to be able to see their relative.
01:55So you are, we are, they're family.
01:58And right now, there is a significant shortage in the adult social care sector.
02:03Many, many, many staff have gone sick.
02:09Some people actually just drop out.
02:10Because of fear.
02:13yeah i became um a healthcare assistant about 10 years ago uh we go into the community
02:26it's for end of life we do about four visits a day and we're always in double ups because
02:33most of our patients are all care and in bed so we just go in and do all the like personal
02:41care for them treat them with dignity comfort them in the last hours how did we come to be
02:49so woefully behind other countries that have checked evaluated and deployed tests in much
02:57much bigger numbers already i work in a small hospital relatively so there's maybe about
03:01600 beds and we've limited ventilators but it feels like we're getting all of our resources ready
03:10to fight this battle damien's just moved in with me he said it's a good test we've only been seeing
03:19each other a few weeks he said i was being resistant when i questioned it i'll cook for you he said and
03:30i'll cheer you up when you get home from work but he hasn't so far he's not very funny and he said he
03:40i can't cook on electric whatever
03:44i was studying writing and then i looked into performance studies but uh that didn't happen
04:00and uh i've been to glassonbury when i was on the bus home feeling incredibly rough and uh yeah
04:09i uh applied online to become a special constable for the metropolitan police
04:14i volunteered for two and a half years in uh lambeth in brixton then i got into the actual police in
04:242015. at the moment i respond to 999 calls so you never know where your day is going to go and uh
04:33quite like that
04:34so
04:43so
04:44so
04:45so
04:46so
04:47so
04:51so
04:52so
04:56so
04:59This exact weekend, 30 years ago, I went to Greenham Common.
05:16Just for two nights.
05:211989.
05:22I was lonely.
05:28Well, the whole of the 80s was a terrible time for me.
05:33But I had admired those women.
05:37How they marched against the American cruise missiles which were going to be stored there,
05:43circling the whole six miles of the military base.
05:4730,000 women.
05:52Soon to be 50,000.
05:58And I passed women nearer the base who greeted me warmly.
06:03I looked a bit conventional, but nobody gave a shit.
06:09No, they were inclusive, laughing, eating.
06:16I still felt like an outsider.
06:19Well, I always have.
06:22But at the actual protest fence, I felt useful.
06:29Arms linked between two 72-year-old women.
06:34One in a wheelchair.
06:35And in the evening, I talked to a teenager called Angie and a girl named Helen, who had come down from Wales, who was in her early 20s.
06:51I told her that my daughter's name, who was in her early 20s, who was in her early 20s, and she was still trying to do her A-levels.
07:03There was a librarian a few miles away who was helping her to study, and the Quakers, they were very good to the women.
07:09And helping them to shower and cook at their center.
07:13It's these acts of kindness which keep people buoyant.
07:19I look after my grandfather when I was 11 for a few years, and then my uncle for a few years after that.
07:40We used to have animals.
07:41And those animals was great company for me.
07:44My goats used to be my friend.
07:46You know, wherever I walked, they would just follow me around.
07:49You know, I was more in nature, yes.
07:55You know, some people, they go to the gym, and they walk, they sweat.
08:02But when they leave, later they don't have nothing.
08:05I have an allotment.
08:07That's where I put my effort in, right?
08:09I walk my sweat.
08:11And when I leave, later I have food to eat.
08:15I feed my whole family from my crop of vegetable, you know, from my onions, my onions, my peas, my carrot, cabbages, tonip, everything.
08:26My mother call me, she's a little farmer's son.
08:30She's Mrs. Grenier.
08:31She's planning on going back.
08:34Take me home.
08:35I want to see nature in the traffic.
08:38That's what she say.
08:41I worry for her.
08:45You know, uh, she live close by, but by herself.
08:51You know, my sister, she shopped for her, but I can't visit.
08:54Not with my job.
08:55You know, I would worry I was a carrier.
08:59I wish I could do more for her, but I have to keep my distance for now.
09:05But we speak.
09:07We speak.
09:08You know, my mother say me looking after my grandfather and my uncle, that's what led me to be in a carer.
09:14Well, maybe.
09:24There are more patients every day, and the medical staff are getting sick, so we're down in numbers.
09:31I keep drinking lots of water and wondering if it's a symptom, but I think it's just nerves.
09:39I came home really tired, and I couldn't find a glass for some water.
09:45But Damien was sleeping, and he'd move my things around again.
09:54He says I'm being a control freak when I question it.
09:58That his environment is very important to him, and he's finding it impossible to get through his reading list.
10:05The next day, I asked him where he put the glasses, and he said, they're in the best place for them.
10:15I saw his Instagram, and it was a photo of my NHS lanyard.
10:22And he'd captioned it with, living with my junior doctor, wifey.
10:27It's intense.
10:28Anyway, I was emptying a bag into the recycling bin, and I saw my glasses in there.
10:39I brought them back in.
10:41Then Damien said that I could do better than that, and that he'd buy some proper glasses.
10:48So, I asked him to move out, and he picked up a glass and threw it right at me.
11:05I locked myself in the bathroom, and he was shouting through the door that I was overreacting.
11:10He left and took all of his stuff with him.
11:21I felt like I could breathe again.
11:30This one girl was having issues with a controlling and aggressive boyfriend, and he'd locked her out of the house.
11:37So, I said to her, he might not be very good for you.
11:41And we told him that he had to leave the property because it was her name on the tenancy.
11:46And he said to me, and I could see how manipulative he really was, because he was like,
11:52well, I'm self-isolating.
11:55I've got an underlying health condition.
11:57Look, here are my asthma pumps.
11:58He's very quick to tell me what the law was and why he could stay in this property.
12:01And I said to him, at the end of the day, mate, you know, as a police officer in this situation,
12:11I've decided that, you know, your girlfriend's safety comes above you having to self-isolate.
12:17You're not in the rent book.
12:19You need to go.
12:21You need to leave.
12:24We had a worse one after that.
12:28We had to take it to where you need.
12:30After I separated with my husband, you know, the girl's dad, years later, I finally met this guy.
12:46And he, we really, you know, when you've got, like, that connection.
12:52And, er, anyway, we went out, but he was, like, getting divorced.
12:56And, er, we, we went out and all that, you know, like, quite a few times.
13:04And, er, the first time we, like, slept together,
13:10he made this, like, weird noise.
13:14And I was like, my God, do you know what I mean?
13:17And, er, and, er, I was like, it didn't even give me a hug afterwards, do you know what I mean?
13:24And, er, and I was thinking, my God, I was, I was thinking I was going to say the night.
13:30Anyway, I was fuming.
13:32And, er, I went downstairs for a ciggy before going home, got a taxi.
13:38Went home, next day, text.
13:40And I wanted to say, I've had a lovely night, but I feel like I've been used.
13:47But I couldn't bring myself to say that, because, because, er, well, I, I knew he was going out with the sun the next day,
13:53so I just said, I hope you're OK.
13:57And I didn't hear from him.
13:59And, er, I, I was telling my mate in the hairdressers, you know, oh, yeah,
14:05met this guy, like God, he made a really weird noise.
14:08I was, I was just trying to laugh about it, you know.
14:11And this was the, so this was the Saturday.
14:14We were out on the Friday.
14:17And then on a Sunday, me mate Debbie came round, um, for a drink, you know, like, just for a drink in the garden.
14:23And, er, picked her up.
14:27And, er, I said, do us a favour, will you?
14:32Can I just drive to his house, past his house?
14:35And there were police and paramedics everywhere.
14:41And I was like going, oh, my God, oh, my God.
14:47So, anyway, we, um, we, we, we came back here, had a drink, you know, just to calm your nerves.
14:55And, um, we walked to the police station and, er, explained everything to the guy on the desk.
15:03And, er, we waited for ages.
15:05I can't remember if...
15:08Anyway, we waited for ages.
15:10Then these two plain-clothes guys come out and, you know, come with us.
15:18And, er, I had to have my, like, you know, my DNA done.
15:24And then the police just turned around and said, yeah, we can now confirm that a man at that address has died.
15:35And, er, yeah, he died.
15:42Oh, my God.
15:45But, I mean, he died, he died with me that night and I didn't even know about it.
15:51Because he was only 37.
15:53And, I mean, I just thought, you don't expect a 37-year-old to die, do you?
15:58Oh, my God, it was horrendous.
16:00Oh, and the police were buzzing.
16:05They were like, never had anything like this before.
16:08Oh, I...
16:10I just knew he had something really special, do you know what I mean?
16:16Yeah.
16:17And, and he knew that.
16:21Oh, God.
16:22They're forcing the medical students to graduate early, to come and help in the hospitals.
16:38It's going to be terrifying for them.
16:41I mean, all they've done is study and they walk straight into a COVID ward.
16:46I've been working here a year and this is still, like, very shocking.
16:50I usually work in a geriatric all-female ward, but with COVID they've completely restructured how our hospital works.
17:04So many doctors are sick now.
17:08Yesterday I had a patient and she suddenly got shortness of breath, so I checked to see if she had COVID with a swab.
17:14And today my throat's dry and I've coughed a bit and I'm even more exhausted than normal.
17:25I've been told to isolate.
17:26It's lucky that I live alone, at least, if I've got it.
17:31I feel like I've got a bad hangover.
17:34I'm tired.
17:38It is clear now that care homes and their vulnerable residents have paid a heavy price in this crisis.
17:43Dents quadrupled in one week leading up to April the 10th.
17:47You can walk into someone's room and you will find them crying about their son or their daughter or her.
17:57Sometimes they've actually even heard from them.
18:00But they have forgotten.
18:01You know, if they were to see them, then the picture in their mind would be more prominent.
18:06But right now, that's not possible.
18:13Touch.
18:15Touch is so important.
18:18Look, there was a resident here.
18:19He was a doctor.
18:20And he used to lend me an article to read.
18:23And then his medical journal.
18:26From the past and new one.
18:29And very interesting he was.
18:30And I read an old experiment where they monitored 200 newborn babies.
18:36One hundred was in a prison brought up by their mothers.
18:39The other hundred was in an orphanage.
18:42Both sets of newborn babies had exactly the same food and care.
18:46Except for the prison babies.
18:48They were held by their mothers.
18:51That was the single difference.
18:53Now, there was a significant number of the orphanage babies who sadly died within the first six months.
18:59From illness, but the present babies.
19:02That same sickness came and went.
19:04And not one single death.
19:07Because of care.
19:08Because of touch.
19:11Being tactile.
19:12Being loving.
19:13It can give you bodily strength.
19:17People can die of loneliness.
19:20Just as much as any illness.
19:29I'm a cyclist.
19:45City's beautiful when it's quiet.
19:49People are kinder at the moment.
19:51At the same time, we are getting a lot more neighbours' calls as well.
19:57Neighbour disputes.
20:00Neighbours snitching on other neighbours.
20:03You know, just to say,
20:04my neighbour's already been out twice a day.
20:07Why'd I go now again?
20:16Coronavirus is a national emergency.
20:18Life-threatening for people of all ages everywhere in the UK.
20:22To help save lives, stay home.
20:25You can go in one day
20:26and they'll be sitting up and talking
20:29and you'll go in the next day
20:31and they're sleeping a lot.
20:33But when we know they're in pain,
20:35we'll contact the district nurses
20:36and they'll come round
20:37and administer, like, pain relief.
20:41Oh, it breaks your heart when they're young sometimes.
20:44They can change so fast.
20:46You know, they can go from being dead lively
20:48to fading.
20:49One woman I got really close to.
20:54I love you, she kept saying,
20:57when she was dying.
20:59Oh, stay with me now.
21:07The British have never been that good at real grief,
21:13at keening.
21:15Oh, there was some keening when Diana died,
21:18but that was for a stranger.
21:20I did see a young woman in 1941.
21:27I was a toddler.
21:29But I see and hear her still distinctly bellowing.
21:37She was standing on her bombed home
21:40and her child was dead.
21:44My mother tried to shield my eyes from this stranger.
21:47in the rubble reft.
21:53The AIDS tragedy comes back to me
21:57with this, uh, pandemic.
21:59All the government fuck-ups.
22:02The spin.
22:04The propaganda.
22:05All those beautiful men.
22:12And they were so brave in their protests.
22:16Invading the stock exchange
22:17because everybody was ignoring the mass deaths.
22:24Diana held that young man's hand in hospital.
22:27She was nine-twenty-something.
22:30But she was defiant.
22:32She didn't wear gloves, so she held his hand.
22:36No, she showed those homophobes up as liars.
22:40Poor girl.
22:51Age 19, she wears a diaphanous skirt
22:57holding two young children at the nursery.
23:03Forevermore hounded.
23:06Rags need a fox to hunt and decapitate.
23:10It's getting very intense since then, you know.
23:30Not to worry about PPE and when it will peak.
23:33And there's this question that someone has to die alone.
23:40Some of the residents are very upset.
23:41They see you wearing a mask and they'll ask,
23:46am I sick?
23:47Have I got it?
23:48Am I infected?
23:49And you're trying to explain, no, no, no.
23:51We're just trying to keep you safe.
23:52But someone is sick.
23:58And before long, the undertaker is taking
23:59that person away and...
24:0921 years of doing this job,
24:10I ain't never seen anything like this before.
24:15When things happen like this,
24:18you have to be...
24:21Be prepared to detach, you know.
24:23Because it could be that someone in your home
24:26has passed and you have to be the one
24:29to do the final wash,
24:31to prepare them to be taken away.
24:35And you have to be able to contain all of that.
24:42So not everyone...
24:45Not everyone cup of tea.
24:48Too much politics about this PPE is not good.
24:56There's nothing off for us.
25:16I was sick for a week.
25:18I let a couple of friends know who lived near me
25:22that I wasn't feeling too well.
25:23And if I needed to go to hospital,
25:25I'd just let them know.
25:28It was difficult physically,
25:30but also mentally.
25:32It felt much longer than one week.
25:35It was a horrible, horrible feeling.
25:38I don't normally get sick.
25:40And it's difficult to keep your mind active
25:42when you feel so down.
25:45You feel in such a low place.
25:48And what's harder is that
25:49no one could come to visit me.
25:53My parents brought me some food
25:55and dropped it off at my doorstep.
25:58I had to wave to them through...
26:01through... through the window.
26:03And they had to stay in the car.
26:05I opened the window a little bit,
26:07but I had a mask on
26:10because I couldn't risk
26:11transmitting anything to them.
26:16I was just thinking...
26:18I just wanted to stay alive.
26:22As dramatic as that sounds.
26:24Knowing that you've come into contact
26:26with a positive patient.
26:28That you've come into contact
26:29with the most deadly virus of this world.
26:33And people have died from it.
26:34It's absolutely terrifying.
26:36the virus and suffering.
26:46All right?
26:49My boyfriend's on furlough.
26:51We've been together ten years.
26:54It's a worry my going out every day,
26:55but it's nothing compared to the doctors
26:57and the nurses or the hospital staff.
26:59They've got it really...
27:01you know.
27:01I'm a clubber and a raver and I miss all that we did a rave party 12 hour online last weekend
27:21oh it's incredible a few beers dancing around this kitchen it'll be nice when it's over
27:28just to get dressed up you know
27:31we knew we were going into the community so we all asked for masks and she said no no you don't need
27:49masks just just go in and ask the families if anyone's like got any symptoms so we set up a
27:56group oh me and all my colleagues and everything because everybody was fuming about the masks so I
28:03had a call come here I had a call of our manager I was going back to work because I'd had time off
28:08because I'd had to self-isolate because I had a cough and a cold and for me back to work interview
28:13I said uh so are we wearing masks and she said no no no it's not our policy it's not how we operate
28:21and I said I've got a husband with an underlying heart condition and she said you'll know if the
28:27patients have got symptoms and you'll know if the families have got symptoms it's not how we operate
28:33and I said but these are totally different circumstances with corona though
28:38anyway we set up that group and everybody was fuming and they'd all email and they were just going no
28:45no no the district nurses were wearing masks and they were like why aren't you wearing masks and
28:52we're not allowed and they were fuming that we weren't wearing the masks some of the families
28:58the families wanted us to wear masks come on
29:03this has been a sad sad day 563 more cases a record in a single day
29:10oh there has to be a revolution
29:13people keep talking about fucking sourdough bread
29:20fucking yeast
29:23we have to investigate this misuse of power
29:30we don't anticipate how it's always been here
29:37but
29:39we have to evolve
29:43my mouth is very dry
29:51I feel overly tired and
29:54I lose my sense of taste
29:58I'm going to have to isolate
30:03I'm dealing with two elderly gentlemen
30:15and they've both tested positive for covid
30:18and I've put them on several different kinds of medications to try and help them but
30:22it's not it's not looking great
30:25most of my seniors are sick
30:28now so I'm basically looking after these patients on my own which
30:33as a junior doctor you just don't normally do
30:36they're providing us a mask now
30:46when I come home everything's off stripped off and in the wash
30:51let I go upstairs have a shower and all that
30:53me and my husband are in separate beds
30:57because I'm scared of bringing something
30:59I miss my kids
31:03so much
31:05you should not be meeting friends
31:10if your friends ask you to meet
31:12you should say no
31:14if you don't follow the rules
31:16the police will have the powers
31:19to enforce them
31:20including through fines
31:22and disperse in gatherings
31:27it's all getting much harder
31:29enforcing people in parks
31:31not really my thing
31:33but you know
31:34everything is extreme
31:37my auntie said it reminds me of the seventies
31:38when shops really were closed this Sunday
31:41you'd have to search for a pint of milk and a bag of chips
31:45I've always loved St Joan
31:54she was 14 so was I
32:00she shouts to her captors
32:03I'd rather die than be confined in a prison
32:10I'd rather drag about in a skirt
32:14if you says
32:19if only I could still hear the wind
32:24in the trees
32:31I would
32:33listen to that sound with my daughter
32:40Helen
32:44we'd stand and listen
32:46to the trees
32:51I don't
32:53worry about the present youth
32:55you know
32:56they're strong
32:58they're watching the planet burn and die
33:00but they're not
33:01standing by
33:05Greta is fierce
33:06she says
33:06how dare you
33:08and Malala took the bullet
33:10and Malala took the bullet
33:12they're our
33:14Jones
33:15my girl
33:24Helen
33:27she died in childbirth
33:33she died in childbirth
33:34yes it
33:39it's unbelievable
33:44but
33:45yes
33:47she died
33:51and
33:56I couldn't love my grandson
34:00for a long time
34:01but
34:05he visited when he was
34:07seven years old
34:10and we brought the Simpsons together
34:15he laughed
34:19he laughed
34:19national figures suggest lockdown has created a pressure cooker behind closed doors
34:31the number of arrests have surged
34:33calls to one national abuse helpline rose 49%
34:37last night in A&E
34:40last night in A&E
34:42a teenage girl came in
34:44she'd been badly beaten
34:46and she held under this policeman's arm
34:51tight
34:53he was Welsh
34:56he was nice
34:57and she was terrified
35:01lost
35:08and she
35:09she kept combing her fingers through her long hair
35:13and it was falling away in clumps
35:16and I realised that she'd been dragged for quite some time
35:21by her hair
35:24by her hair
35:28I wanted to scream
35:33but you have to work
35:38be practical
35:40we're dealing with deaths you know
35:51I've dealt with a few sudden deaths
35:55you've got to have a lot of compassion
35:57and you have to be able to put yourself in other people's situations
36:01sometimes we can come across as
36:05a little bit patronising
36:07a little bit patronising
36:08but that's sometimes a fear of not knowing what to say or
36:11do in a situation
36:14you have to see someone as human
36:17and they're asking you for help
36:20and honesty
36:22honesty and compassion
36:26I've lost the will to run
36:41which is dangerous
36:43it's eerily quiet
36:50I must find my rage again
36:57my fuel
36:59I don't want to die with anything over my face
37:05I'd like to die in a field
37:13ideally
37:15I'd lie there
37:20drifting off
37:22or painless of course
37:28remembering
37:30one
37:32summer's day
37:34frail
37:36when I made love to Paul in a field
37:42near the bus stop
37:48and he was 21
37:51and I was 17
37:54and he was thin
37:57wonderful
37:59and he loved Joseph Conrad
38:02and cheese on toast
38:05he made mountains of cheese on toast
38:10in his bed sick
38:12and that day
38:17we got out of town
38:20and we'd perfected our love making
38:24and his withdrawing
38:26and that day I lay in the field
38:31with the sun on me
38:34and Paul breathing into my neck
38:38the smell
38:40of his skin
38:42and my hand
38:45on his wet back
38:48my stomach wet
38:50with him
38:52on his slight weight on me
38:56the cross
38:58touching my legs
39:02I tried to simply stay home
39:14but I started to feel much worse
39:17death was very close to me
39:22I was ventilated
39:26I asked
39:27and they said
39:28I had a
39:2950-50 chance of surviving
39:31then the doctor told me
39:36we are going to induce you
39:39in a sleep
39:41I was in a coma for three weeks
39:48for three weeks
39:49and
39:51I see myself as a child
39:55at Sunday school
39:59I was outside
40:02and
40:03I was making a toy truck
40:06using a machete
40:09to cut out the wheel
40:11you know
40:12and then
40:13the child me
40:16look up at me
40:19and
40:20I don't know
40:22but
40:23something is very wrong
40:27that's when I wake up
40:33find myself in the hospital
40:37but I know
40:38something
40:39is very wrong
40:41I can feel a huge hole in my stomach
40:44and
40:45I reach with the phone
40:48in the bag next to me
40:49and
40:50I switch it on
40:51and
40:52there is a
40:53text
40:54from my sister
40:55and it's
40:59Vincent
41:02Mommy die
41:08Mommy die
41:10all of the nurses
41:19clapped
41:20as I was wheeled through the ward
41:22I tried to nod
41:23I was in my mask
41:25I was thankful I couldn't see my fears
41:28because
41:29they was all smiling
41:31I was so deeply grateful for all of their care
41:34but all I felt was loss
41:38my mother gone
41:43and not just dead
41:45already ashes
41:54I am a motherless child
41:56and I felt like a child
41:59you know
42:00not just sitting in a wheelchair
42:01but
42:02I said
42:04tell me what I need
42:10and she held me
42:11you know
42:14she just held me
42:16I rang my mum
42:23and I was telling her about my day
42:26and
42:27suddenly I was crying
42:30I was really crying
42:35hard
42:36hard
42:41and I just wanted to rest my head on her shoulder
42:49and she said
42:51it's all gonna be alright
42:55you do toughen up
43:10detach
43:14for some things do stay with you
43:16For some things do stay with you.
43:23This time a year ago, I was on a late shift,
43:26so I started to finishing at 10,
43:30and a call come out to the police
43:33that the next-door neighbours thought
43:35that their next-door neighbour died and he was an alcoholic.
43:40Well, they knew he was an alcoholic.
43:43So, we went and there wasn't any smell or anything
43:52coming from the house,
43:53because you can usually tell death has a smell.
43:58And there's no smell, but there's no answer either.
44:02And they said they hadn't seen him for a few days,
44:05and he's always in and out every day at the house.
44:07He goes to the shops to get his booze and stuff.
44:10Bless him.
44:14So, we decided to break down the door and we walked in.
44:22And there was beer bottles and wine glasses on the table.
44:32And the house was generally quite clean.
44:38The curtains were shut.
44:39And I remember, because this was last year,
44:41I remember the curtains were shut.
44:43But the light was still coming through.
44:52Dingy sort of feel.
44:57And we walked round to the bedroom and...
44:59And there was a man face down on the bed, still in bed, asleep.
45:06As if he was asleep.
45:10But he died.
45:12And we, uh...
45:13Well, the next door neighbour said that he had, um...
45:16That they had, uh...
45:19Found his mum.
45:23Because he was only 30s.
45:30Which is quite close to my age as well.
45:32Uh, so his mum and dad managed to get to the scene around...
45:4010.30.
45:42And, uh...
45:43I'm still in the scene.
45:45And, uh...
45:47And, uh, you know, she says to me...
45:53I wanna see him.
46:00And I have to...
46:06Convince her not to see him.
46:11Because he's been there for a few days.
46:15And...
46:17He doesn't look like her son anymore.
46:22He doesn't even look human anymore.
46:29So I can't allow her to see the body.
46:33But there's also no power within...
46:35Law that can stop me from doing that, right?
46:37Because it's only the coroner that can say, you know, no...
46:41Closed casket, you know, uh...
46:44Family not to see the body.
46:46And, uh...
46:51She's crying in my arms...
46:54Outside.
47:00And I have to explain to her...
47:01Your son's not there anymore.
47:17So I go back to the station...
47:19You know, because we have a report for the coroner.
47:22And stuff.
47:24And, um...
47:25I hang my uniform up in my locker.
47:29I, uh...
47:31Go for a shower.
47:32I cycle home.
47:33And I can still smell him.
47:35You know?
47:37My nostrils.
47:42And I come back...
47:44Um...
47:45Through the door here.
47:46And my boyfriend's here.
47:47And he says to me...
47:49How was work?
47:56And I'm in the bathroom.
47:58And I can feel my tears coming.
48:01And I come back through here.
48:04To the living room here.
48:08And he hugs me.
48:17I just break down.
48:23You know?
48:24You know what I mean?
48:31I've dealt with a few sudden deaths.
48:33But, uh...
48:39Dealing with his mother...
48:42I think I brought her home with me.
48:48My mum's an alcoholic.
48:53She...
48:55Hasn't had a drink for 19 years.
49:01Today, in fact.
49:08She still describes herself as an alcoholic.
49:19I think it's very important...
49:24That we don't judge people.
49:31Work from home if you can.
49:33But you should go to work...
49:35If you can't work from home.
49:37We're now asking people...
49:39To stay alert.
49:41Control the virus.
49:43And save lives.
49:45No one knows what's around the corner.
49:47You've just gotta make the most of it.
49:49You've got to make the most of it.
49:51My mum died when I was 18.
49:53She was only 36.
49:54She died of cancer.
49:56And it went on for about 12 months.
49:58So, I saw all her deterioration and all that.
50:02And I was the only girl in the house...
50:05Just like me, my brother and my dad.
50:07So, I had to sort of...
50:10Do it.
50:12And she didn't want me to do it.
50:14And I didn't want to do it.
50:16Because people have pride, don't they?
50:18So, that's one reason why I want to do this job.
50:21Because I want to, not because I have to.
50:23Not because I have to.
50:48This is death.
50:49This is death.
50:54Memory is leaving.
51:07A breeze.
51:12Wind.
51:14Wind.
51:16I want to walk in the field.
51:25What's this?
51:29My...
51:31Child.
51:35Sweaty head.
51:38Heavy on my chest.
51:40Love.
51:41Oh, I remember, love.
51:43Love.
51:47Oh, I remember, love.
51:57Helen.
52:03Is that you?
52:07Helen.
52:08Yeah, I would use the other side of the floor.
52:09Oh, never.
52:11Oh, I remember, love.
52:13If I'm sorry, love.
52:14I'm sorry.
52:15I'm sorry, love.
52:16Just tell me.
52:17I'm sorry.
52:18I had to go.
52:20To my head.
52:22Also, it's very good.
52:24Check out my stomach.
52:25This morning,ifices and i'm sorry.
52:27I don't see.
52:29You can't see me.
52:32Oh, I have to get some laughing.
52:33If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this program,
52:57help is available online at sky.com forward slash viewer support.
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