- 5 months ago
Category
๐ฅ
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32No, no, no.
00:01:36No, no.
00:01:38We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll save him for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:27Mary!
00:12:27Mary!
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:00How do you?
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, er...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs, a lot of them.
00:14:43Did you score?
00:14:47Lows in. 3-1.
00:15:13Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sorry, sorry.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:16Geoffrey.
00:16:17She's a bird.
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:21No thanks, kid.
00:16:22Neville's ravenous.
00:16:23You've just eaten.
00:16:24Oh, of course.
00:16:25Yeah.
00:16:26Sorry.
00:16:27You see.
00:16:28What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:29By implication.
00:16:30Probably by implication.
00:16:31Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:32You see.
00:16:33Yes.
00:16:34Was he the errand boy?
00:16:35Was who the errand boy?
00:16:36Ken Thingy.
00:16:37He directed it.
00:16:38Oh, yes.
00:16:39I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:40Probably.
00:16:41Probably.
00:16:42You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:43Well, probably a little more mature.
00:16:44That's all.
00:16:45You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:46Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:47I'll be a little more mature, but I'll be a little more mature.
00:16:48But I'm not like this.
00:16:49I want to give you some more mature, but I'll be a little more mature.
00:16:50I don't think you're a little more mature.
00:16:51I can't do it.
00:16:52I would be a little more mature.
00:16:53Right.
00:16:54I'm not really like the judges to provoke a moral response to our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:55You see.
00:16:56Yes.
00:16:57Was he the errand boy?
00:16:58Who the errand boy?
00:16:59Ken Thingy.
00:17:00He directed it.
00:17:01Oh, yes.
00:17:02I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:04Not really.
00:17:05You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex? Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and how they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Getting married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Well, it's funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Clear some provides.
00:20:39Sorry, it was me.
00:20:42Come on.
00:20:43Oh, my God.
00:20:43Which is my song.
00:20:44No, my God.
00:20:45Dominican.
00:20:47Kirby.
00:20:48See, Sammy is a song with me please.
00:20:57Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few of the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Goodnight.
00:23:44Morning.
00:23:45Morning.
00:23:46Chalton for Pope.
00:23:47Long may you reign.
00:23:48Amen.
00:23:49What's going on?
00:23:50The pound's up again.
00:23:51Oh, God.
00:23:52What's going on?
00:23:53The pound's up again.
00:23:54Oh, God.
00:23:55Today's special.
00:23:56Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:23:57Here.
00:23:58Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:23:59Except those.
00:24:00I don't know.
00:24:01What's going on?
00:24:02The pound's up again.
00:24:03Oh, God.
00:24:04Today's special.
00:24:05Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:06Here.
00:24:07Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:08Except those.
00:24:09In church.
00:24:10What's going on?
00:24:11The pound's up again.
00:24:12Oh, God.
00:24:13Today's special.
00:24:14Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:15Here.
00:24:16Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:17Except those.
00:24:18Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:21Good.
00:24:22Good.
00:24:23Good.
00:24:24And, there's a clue.
00:24:26Good.
00:24:27Good.
00:24:28Give me a clue.
00:24:30If you don't, miss...
00:24:31Good.
00:24:32Good.
00:24:33clue.
00:24:34Good.
00:24:35Good.
00:24:36Good.
00:24:37Good.
00:24:38Good.
00:24:39why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:09my timing not disturbing you're singing a hope see Jeffrey on Sunday Oh
00:25:20Jeff that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:32I consider him packing Jeffrey in one day it was enough why he's cancer and I'm
00:25:44Libra it's that bad hopeless actually I'm slightly off the male gender at the
00:25:51moment
00:26:01five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:08which is I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza bank
00:26:17clerks your lot football supporters hippies
00:26:24oh my lot
00:26:26at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:32it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds
00:26:38that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:45so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:51is that the speaking clock is that Jeff is that Beryl yes yes hi hi
00:27:05it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic I want to know
00:27:32I want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:39for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:45like what
00:27:49we're enormously fond of animals
00:27:52right
00:27:53and we're both from Manchester
00:27:59have you ever been abroad
00:28:01no
00:28:02have you
00:28:04no
00:28:05unless you count Istanbul
00:28:08Istanbul
00:28:09was it beyond belief
00:28:10I don't know I was only three
00:28:13do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:20sometimes
00:28:22I do
00:28:23what now
00:28:26no
00:28:29just
00:28:30just sometimes
00:28:31yes I do
00:28:35such a lot isn't there
00:28:41in getting to know a person
00:28:42hmm
00:28:44he was live and easy-limbed
00:28:50his stride quietly casual
00:28:53his eyes clear and confident
00:28:55and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:02you know Geoffrey
00:29:07you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:09really
00:29:10you know lopsided
00:29:12I don't think I have
00:29:16it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:19see
00:29:21Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:25he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:28it must be marvellous being a man
00:29:32it's ok I suppose
00:29:34men can do anything
00:29:36conquer Everest
00:29:37do heart transplants
00:29:39become leader of the opposition
00:29:42anything
00:29:52Geoffrey
00:29:53NO spells no
00:29:54it's good for your circulation Beryl
00:29:57read any women's magazine
00:29:59it's good for theirs too
00:30:00not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays
00:30:03I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays
00:30:06all Saturdays
00:30:07Beryl
00:30:14Beryl
00:30:15oh Geoffrey bubbles bumble
00:30:17oh Beryl
00:30:18oh Geoffrey
00:30:20oh Beryl
00:30:21are you all right what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:24I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony
00:30:27pardon
00:30:28pardon
00:30:34come back
00:30:35they're better
00:30:36it's better
00:30:37I'm ok
00:30:38I told you it's going to port
00:30:43it's not
00:30:47urgh
00:30:49it's only the angels crying
00:30:53I know how they feel
00:30:56well don't blame me I haven't done anything
00:30:59that's true
00:31:00that's not true Beryl I have apologised
00:31:04I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you
00:31:07independent observers think I'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:10it must be a bad line I can't hear you
00:31:13you better apologise again
00:31:15I apologise again
00:31:18gosh this lousy line
00:31:21I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday
00:31:25pardon
00:31:26pardon
00:31:27pardon
00:31:28pardon
00:31:29pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:31is that who I think it is
00:31:33no dear
00:31:45well isn't this nice
00:31:50sardine sandwich
00:31:51the old sardine
00:31:53yeah
00:31:54she got her own trawler
00:31:56isn't it awful
00:32:04what
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey
00:32:07what's happening in the world
00:32:08I blame the politicians
00:32:10what for
00:32:11for what's happening
00:32:13in the world
00:32:17talk to her
00:32:20can't speak Portuguese
00:32:22tasty
00:32:24they're in oil
00:32:26nice in oil
00:32:27she's got a bad leg
00:32:30the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:32why after this little baker down the road he does something with the bleach
00:32:36yes
00:32:46can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:48your mind goes blank
00:32:53start thinking about life after death
00:32:54ooh that Neville honestly
00:32:56number of hearts he must have broken
00:33:00every girl in Manchester nearly
00:33:02Geoffrey definitely has
00:33:04probably even more
00:33:06air hostesses
00:33:08all sorts
00:33:10tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey
00:33:11I haven't had one yet
00:33:12white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:14actually I was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:18hmm
00:33:22wow is that the time
00:33:24at this moment in time
00:33:26what have I done
00:33:28is Neville the insanely jealous type
00:33:30right in the slightest
00:33:32you're lucky
00:33:34why is Geoffrey
00:33:36wow
00:33:38you're not jealous of all my ex flames are you
00:33:40course not
00:33:42why should I be
00:33:44please stop interrogating me Geoffrey
00:33:46forget it
00:33:48that's all in the past
00:33:50they're nothing to be jealous about
00:33:52who needs drama
00:33:54so I shouted back at her
00:33:56no shop assistant shouts at me I shouted
00:33:58in the end Neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:00he thumped you
00:34:02walloped you one
00:34:04no
00:34:06I said nearly
00:34:08I said nearly
00:34:10you know
00:34:12you know
00:34:14you know
00:34:16you know
00:34:18thumped me will you
00:34:20like Neville does Sandra
00:34:22she adores it
00:34:24of course not
00:34:26no
00:34:28Geoffrey
00:34:30Percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:32isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:34you used to talk to me
00:34:36alright
00:34:38let's talk
00:34:40Geoffrey
00:34:42I've just had the most super idea
00:34:44I've just had the most super idea
00:34:46why is your mum going out
00:34:48may as well pack in really
00:34:52why
00:34:54why
00:34:56why not
00:34:58good thinking
00:35:00thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:02you too it was real
00:35:04psychedelic
00:35:06you can keep me grateful dead LP
00:35:08was scratched anyway
00:35:10it's been a gasp
00:35:12groovy
00:35:14I won't wave from the window
00:35:16no I won't look back anyway
00:35:18good
00:35:20it's been a gasp
00:35:22you've said that once
00:35:24you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:42about three very lonely sardines
00:35:46mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:48you know you can't do it
00:35:50you'll never thought of me will you Geoffrey
00:35:52ow
00:35:54I've just had the most super idea
00:35:56are we going to put it up
00:35:58no
00:36:00we're going to pack it up
00:36:02no
00:36:04we're going to pack it in
00:36:06don't say that please don't say that
00:36:08that
00:36:10Sandra
00:36:12Sandra
00:36:14you're Sandra
00:36:16mine
00:36:18two months
00:36:20two months
00:36:22nine days
00:36:24is she positive?
00:36:26the test was
00:36:28what are you going to do?
00:36:30she'll think of something
00:36:32Sandra
00:36:34it's stupendous
00:36:36congratulations
00:36:38I hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:40oh thanks kid
00:36:42Sandra
00:36:44I don't know how you do it
00:36:46often
00:36:54you
00:37:24John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:24All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:54Oh, my God.
00:38:58Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Fils.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49He used to fool the woman.
00:40:50I was 15 years old.
00:40:51He used to freeze the tiger a meal.
00:40:58He used to be crazy to kill him.
00:40:58He used to be crazy to explain the Quem who cares about him.
00:41:01He used to be crazy about him.
00:41:03He used to trends, therefore, to kill me every day.
00:41:04He used to be crazy, the baby.
00:41:09Yeah.
00:41:11You don't know if you were a celebrity?
00:41:13I'm not going to tramp on him.
00:41:14I'm not going to faith in this.
00:41:15What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:25No.
00:41:26Stephen.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:12What's your name?
00:42:18Testing, testing.
00:42:20Oh, Geoffrey Milleup returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:42Who are you?
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:44What are you fed up about?
00:42:46Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:49No.
00:42:50They just mark it.
00:42:52Anyone can mark it.
00:42:53They've got the answers.
00:42:56Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:59What's he doing here, then?
00:43:00Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:02This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:04How do you do?
00:43:05Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:06Jeremy, bed.
00:43:07I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:08Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:12Even big astronauts.
00:43:13Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:14Do you?
00:43:15Do you?
00:43:16Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:17Do you?
00:43:18Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:19Do you?
00:43:20Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:21Do you?
00:43:22Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:23This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:24How do you do?
00:43:25Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:26Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you?
00:43:41Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:29N-no, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Goodnight, Jeremy.
00:44:5650.
00:44:5725p.
00:44:5850.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0050.
00:45:01Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:03Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:04No.
00:45:05No.
00:45:06No.
00:45:07No.
00:45:08No.
00:45:09No.
00:45:10No.
00:45:11No.
00:45:12No.
00:45:13No.
00:45:14No.
00:45:15No.
00:45:16No.
00:45:17No.
00:45:18No.
00:45:19No.
00:45:20No.
00:45:21No.
00:45:22No.
00:45:23No.
00:45:24No.
00:45:29Do you care for a government health warning?
00:45:33Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 and past 2 in the AKA?
00:45:38A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:39He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:48We would've done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01MUSIC CONTINUES
00:48:30Taught in the Pope.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:38Finally splitting up.
00:49:39He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:40It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:41Finally splitting up.
00:49:42He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:43Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:44It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:45Finally splitting up.
00:49:46He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:47Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:48Good job she hasn't joined the wren.
00:49:49It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:50Finally splitting up.
00:49:51It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:55Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:00Good job she hasn't joined the wren.
00:50:05The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:06I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:08I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:11She might have changed, of course.
00:50:13If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:15He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:17Finally splitting up.
00:50:18He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:19Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:20Good job she hasn't joined the wrens.
00:50:21The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:22I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:27If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:42She's putting on an axe.
00:51:43What do you care?
00:51:44I don't have a baby.
00:51:45Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53What is?
00:51:54Working in a bank.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:49don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is, when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:06Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:24What's that?
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:35This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties, Phil.
00:54:59OK?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14You've got your hand on me.
00:56:14I'm right, I'll turn it over.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is a...
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one, I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet.
00:58:10You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:39Jeffrey?
00:59:39Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wiseberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:37From the front lawn.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:40I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18I am.
01:02:18Let's go.
01:02:48Let's go.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:50Beryl.
01:03:51In the room bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Here we go.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that and another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:53Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39So, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically out to...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey, I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:13Marriage?
01:10:14Never.
01:10:15Well, until I am.
01:10:16If I ever do.
01:10:17Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:18For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:22No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:36I'm sorry.
01:10:37No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:41Not yet.
01:10:43Who are you staring at?
01:10:46Hello?
01:10:47You all right, son?
01:10:48Terrific.
01:10:49Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:51Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:52Hmm.
01:10:53My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57Indigestion.
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:00Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:01He has said one thing.
01:11:02Oh, what's that?
01:11:03If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:07All right.
01:11:08The weeks and months drag by every day.
01:11:11You're not on the cat, then.
01:11:12You're not on the cat, then.
01:11:13You're not on the cat, then.
01:11:14Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:15Hmm.
01:11:16My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:17Oh.
01:11:18What's your theory?
01:11:19Indigestion.
01:11:20Oh.
01:11:21What's your theory?
01:11:22Indigestion.
01:11:23Oh.
01:11:24What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:25Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:27He has said one thing.
01:11:28And once dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:57End it now.
01:11:59Good night.
01:12:00Hear, hear.
01:12:01Good, weren't I?
01:12:02Terrific.
01:12:03Especially when he said good night.
01:12:06We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:08Having a good time.
01:12:10Just having fun.
01:12:12Being happy!
01:12:14Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl.
01:12:39How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:40You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:08Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19What is?
01:13:21I keep asking you what is.
01:13:26What is?
01:13:29To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:33So as we can talk.
01:13:35What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:44The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56She was playing for United as well.
01:13:58Weird, isn't it?
01:14:07The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14See what I've...
01:14:15See what I've...
01:14:16Go on.
01:14:17No, you.
01:14:18Mine wasn't important.
01:14:19No, mine wasn't.
01:14:20No, mine wasn't.
01:14:21Beryl.
01:14:22Are you...
01:14:23Happy?
01:14:24Of course.
01:14:25Very.
01:14:26Very.
01:14:27I am.
01:14:28No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:31No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:36Beryl, are you... happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:06Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:04So, that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:37this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart
01:20:48in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please,
01:21:03you've enough to think of.
01:21:07It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's tuna fish.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:33And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bet.
01:23:46And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:00I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:02Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:06Where's she going?
01:24:07Hospital.
01:24:08Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:12Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:19Thank you very much.
01:24:21Thank you very much.
01:24:23Last year.
01:24:24Thank you very much.
01:24:26Bye.
01:24:27Bye.
01:24:28No.
01:24:29Come on.
01:24:30Here he goes.
01:24:31Short time for the ticket.
01:24:33I'm coming.
01:24:34I'm coming.
01:24:35Oh boy.
01:24:36I'm coming.
01:24:37Good boy.
01:24:38I'm coming.
01:24:39I'm coming.
01:24:40Thank you very much.
01:24:41Thank you very much.
01:24:42All right.
01:24:43Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah I did.
01:26:28Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:42Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:57Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:12We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53And that's it.
01:27:54You're right, baby.
01:27:55You're right.
01:27:56You're right, baby.
01:28:00You're right, baby.
01:28:01You're right, baby.
01:28:06You're right, baby.
01:28:11You're right, baby.
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:32You
Be the first to comment