- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:43It's just that I don't like a good boy.
00:08:43It's just that I don't like a good boy.
00:08:44I don't like a good boy.
00:08:45Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06not one of his ways that i did not obey him for a change Department of Radio
00:12:10that he could agree with or may have done breaking that does not directly
00:12:14but you saw 54 of the states in line
00:12:18ticketدard in fact yes ii ain't got me ticket
00:12:20we are late already
00:12:23see you behind the goal then
00:12:25give him the goal then
00:12:32let him shower
00:12:34let him shower
00:12:35Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:05Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi. Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way? Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you? Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight. I am. Which? Which are you? Any? I am.
00:13:58See you then. Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon? Oh, I...
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They are all not on drugs?
00:14:27With a lot of them.
00:14:30Good score.
00:14:35Three, two...
00:14:36The score?
00:14:47Losing. 3-1.
00:15:06Excuse me, I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:29Hi!
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55Would you, uh, would you sort of reckon she's a fair sort of bird?
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course.
00:16:30Yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:35By implication?
00:16:36Probably by implication.
00:16:37It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:42You see?
00:16:43Yes.
00:16:44Was he the errand boy?
00:16:45Was who the errand boy?
00:16:46Ken Thingy.
00:16:47He directed it.
00:16:48Oh, yes.
00:16:49I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:50Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:37Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52Oh, God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:51Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all of me past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:23Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chum and sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:53Chips.
00:22:56Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:06Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:20And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may it reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So close.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:24:59my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:22oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:29is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:36i'm considering packing jeffrey in one day it was enough why he's cancer and i'm libra is that bad
00:25:46hopeless actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:59i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza bank clocks your lot football supporters
00:26:22hippies oh my lot
00:26:27at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:36it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds
00:26:38that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:48so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:51is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey is that beryl yes yes hi
00:27:05it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic
00:27:28i want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:39for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:42about what
00:27:49we're enormously fond of animals right
00:27:55and we're both from manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad no have you ever been abroad no have you no unless you count istanbul
00:28:09is that was it beyond belief i don't know i was only three
00:28:13do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:22sometimes i do
00:28:26what now
00:28:27no just just sometimes
00:28:35yes i do
00:28:39such a lot isn't there
00:28:42in getting to know others
00:28:43so
00:28:49he was live and easy-limbed his stride quietly casual his eyes clear and confident and his strong
00:28:58mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:03you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin really you know lopsided
00:29:15i don't think i have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:21see
00:29:23jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:27he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:28it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:34it's okay i suppose men can do anything conquer everest do heart transplants become leader of the
00:29:41opposition anything
00:29:53jeffrey no spells no
00:29:55it's good for your circulation beryl read any women's magazine it's good for theirs too
00:30:01i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays all saturdays
00:30:10beryl
00:30:11oh jeffrey beryl oh jeffrey beryl oh jeffrey oh beryl are you all right what exactly happened don't
00:30:25tell me i just had a sharp bachack of dramatic irony pardon
00:30:29come back they're better it's better i'm i'm okay
00:30:41i told you it's going to port it's not
00:30:44it's only the angels crying i know how they feel
00:30:58well don't blame me i haven't done anything that's true
00:31:03that's not true beryl i have apologized i keep going down on my knees when i'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:12it must be a bad line i can't hear you you'd better apologize again
00:31:18i apologize again gosh this lousy line
00:31:23i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:26pardon pardon is that who i think it is no dear
00:31:46well isn't this nice
00:31:51sardine sandwich the old sardine yeah
00:31:54she's got her own trawler
00:32:03isn't it awful what i was speaking to jeffrey what's happening in the world i blame the politicians
00:32:11what for for what's happening in the world
00:32:18talk to her
00:32:18i can't speak portuguese
00:32:23tasty
00:32:26very in oil
00:32:27nice in oil she's got a bad leg
00:32:32the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33why after this little baker down the road he does something with the bleach
00:32:40yes
00:32:40i can't do long conversations about sardines so much as
00:32:50your mind goes blank
00:32:54start thinking about life after death
00:32:56oh that neville honestly number of hearts he must have broken every girl in manchester nearly
00:33:09jeffrey definitely has probably even more
00:33:12air hostesses
00:33:16all sorts
00:33:18tell me about your terrible past jeffrey
00:33:20i haven't had one yet
00:33:22white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24actually i was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:33wow is that the time at this moment in time
00:33:35what have i done is neville the insanely jealous type right in the slightest
00:33:42you're lucky
00:33:43why is jeffrey
00:33:45wow you're not jealous of all my ex flames are you
00:33:49of course not why should i be please stop interrogating me jeffrey forget it
00:33:56that's all in the past
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:00who needs drama
00:34:07so i shouted back at her
00:34:08no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted
00:34:10in the end neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:14he thumped you
00:34:16walloped you on
00:34:18no
00:34:19i said nearly
00:34:23you never thump me will you like neville does sandra
00:34:27she adores it
00:34:29of course not
00:34:31no
00:34:34jeffrey percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:37it isn't even one of the things in mind
00:34:38you used to talk to me
00:34:40all right let's talk
00:34:46jeffrey i've just had the most super idea
00:34:48why is your mum going out
00:34:53may as well pack in really
00:34:57why
00:34:59why not
00:35:03good thinking
00:35:10thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:12you too it was real
00:35:14it's psychedelic
00:35:16you can keep me grateful dead lp
00:35:17was scratched anyway
00:35:19it's been a gas
00:35:21groovy
00:35:22i won't wave from the window
00:35:25no i won't look back anyway
00:35:27good
00:35:29it's been a gas
00:35:29you've said that once
00:35:30you're well red barrel
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:53you know you can't do it
00:35:54you'll never thong me will you jeffrey
00:36:03ow
00:36:03feral
00:36:04i just had the most super idea
00:36:07are we going to put it up
00:36:08no
00:36:09we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that please don't say that
00:36:12that
00:36:13it's not
00:36:15sandra
00:36:16sandra
00:36:17sandra
00:36:18you're sandra
00:36:19mine
00:36:20two months
00:36:24two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive
00:36:29the test was
00:36:30what are you going to do
00:36:32she'll think of something
00:36:35sandra it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:42oh thanks kid
00:36:43sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:46what's up
00:37:16John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:46Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:53And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:22Roland.
00:38:23Roland.
00:38:24Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:26It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:27And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:28Didn't she tell you?
00:38:29I don't work there anymore.
00:38:30I packed her in.
00:38:32Good.
00:38:33Did she turn you on?
00:38:34Beryl?
00:38:35Beryl?
00:38:36Her.
00:38:37I hadn't really looked.
00:38:38I hadn't really looked.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:54Oh, my!
00:38:58Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Her.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Oh, my God.
00:41:09Aw.
00:41:17Mmm.
00:41:17What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:21Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:46Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:16Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day. I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:40I'm fed up.
00:42:44Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No.
00:42:54They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:00Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:10Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:40Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:36Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0050.
00:45:01Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1325.
00:45:1450.
00:45:15Are you kids on no bill, Stephen?
00:45:1950.
00:45:20500.
00:45:21could you care for a government health warning?
00:45:30Hey, Veronica?
00:45:31hey veronica yes who the hell's uncle steven at 10 past two in the morning a friend of jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow no tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in plymouth where i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30 000 sailors
00:46:30hope i like it
00:46:32well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better good night love
00:46:53to our barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37i'm sorry mum
00:47:38i'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad you understand i don't jeffrey well you always say you do jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different i knew you'd understand
00:48:00so
00:48:11BELL RINGS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on? Pounds down again.
00:48:35Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:39Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:09Bloody yes.
00:49:12Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24We'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up. He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:57Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11Actually...
00:51:14Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh. Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:44She's putting on an axe.
00:51:45What do you care?
00:51:46I don't have a baby.
00:51:47I don't have a baby.
00:51:48Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52What is?
00:51:53Working in a bank.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Working in a bank.
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:58Hi.
00:51:59Hi.
00:52:01I've had this bad scene, Miss Chick.
00:52:02I've decided to split.
00:52:03I've had this bad scene.
00:52:04I've had this bad scene.
00:52:05I've decided to split.
00:52:06So I cut out, man.
00:52:07Like there's no way.
00:52:08I've had this bad scene, Miss Chick.
00:52:09I've decided to split.
00:52:13So I cut out, man.
00:52:14Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:15This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:16This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:17Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:18Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:19It is.
00:52:20Working in a bank.
00:52:21I've had this bad scene, Miss Chick.
00:52:22It's very exhausting.
00:52:23It's very exhausting.
00:52:24I've had this bad scene, Miss Chick.
00:52:25I've decided to split.
00:52:26So I cut out, man.
00:52:27Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:28This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:43Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:12She has?
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions, ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager of the Mountain Spaces?
00:54:22To any manager of the Mountain Spaces?
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55What?
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:58Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure...
00:56:11Feral, grass.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14Excuse me.
00:56:15You've got your hand on me.
00:56:16No!
00:56:18Oh, sorry.
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:26Why not?
00:56:27Are you not to smoke it?
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Now, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51A perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:05I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:20No, it's nice.
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:24Oh, sorry.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:26I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:27Oh, sorry.
00:58:28Do you know...
00:58:29What, Beryl?
00:58:30She can ask me anything.
00:58:31I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:32Oh, sorry.
00:58:33Do you know...
00:58:34What, Beryl?
00:58:35She can ask me anything.
00:58:36Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:39I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:40Oh, sorry.
00:58:41Do you know...
00:58:42What, Beryl?
00:58:43She can ask me anything.
00:58:44Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:46What, Beryl?
00:58:47He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:48Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:49Usually.
00:58:50I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:51I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:52I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:53Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:57Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:00He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:02Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:39Move up a bit, Jeffrey. Put your legs. That's better. It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:16It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:22What was it then?
01:00:23Grass.
01:00:24Grass is marijuana.
01:00:26This grass wasn't.
01:00:27It was the real thing.
01:00:28From the front lawn.
01:00:29That you, Beryl?
01:00:31Had a nice time.
01:00:32Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:33Not that I mind.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:35From the front lawn.
01:00:36Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:37Had a nice time?
01:00:39Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:41Not that I mind.
01:00:42If you've had a nice time.
01:00:43Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:44Not that I mind.
01:00:45If you've had a nice time.
01:00:46Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:00:50Did you see Geoffrey?
01:00:51That's good.
01:00:57That's good.
01:00:58You've done it.
01:00:59Have a nice day, Beryl?
01:01:00I have to take it.
01:01:01Have a nice day.
01:01:02Leave it.
01:01:03No, but it's an old bathroom.
01:01:04Do you see Geoffrey?
01:01:05I don't.
01:01:06So I've got to get to see you.
01:01:07No, no.
01:01:08Sorry, yeah.
01:01:09I ain't got to come.
01:01:10You could go, to me.
01:01:11I'm going to be friends.
01:01:12Well, I'll be back.
01:01:13Here.
01:01:14I don't want to get to school.
01:01:16I'm going to go to the village and be back.
01:01:17Here's a new house.
01:01:18You see Geoffrey?
01:01:19I don't want to get to school.
01:01:21Oh, where's the other house is supposed to go anyway.
01:01:23It'll be fine.
01:01:25I'm going to get to school.
01:01:26do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35i didn't try at all gave me to rest
01:01:40i'm right off birds i am i am for good me too and me
01:01:56good morning your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17good night
01:02:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:03:17Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:43Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:53I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in, tonight or any other
01:04:17night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Huh?
01:04:22Oh.
01:04:23Yeah.
01:04:25Oh, my wine.
01:04:27Oh, my?
01:04:28Come on.
01:04:29Where is your business on?
01:04:30Oh, my, you mitigation.
01:04:41Oh, my.
01:04:42Yeah.
01:04:43All you got to break.
01:04:44You've got to take, take this one.
01:04:45I got to pack one in here.
01:04:46Oh, my one.
01:04:47A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:41Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46It wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47It wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30So, what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:11I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive, permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Yes, sir.
01:08:53Yes, sir.
01:09:02Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:59All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:47You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:08Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:38That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:08The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you to...
01:14:24See, what I've...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:31Beryl.
01:14:42Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:51I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:10Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Yes.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:21There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:50Well, according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philz in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:15thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:45Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talk, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:18Well, thanks.
01:24:48hello mrs. Battersby. you won't remember me. good afternoon Jeffrey. is Beryl there
01:25:07please? she's gone to the football match. there is no football. it's cricket now.
01:25:14well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:18hi
01:25:41when's the kick-off? in about three months. football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48what on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56where will you go now then? don't know.
01:26:03could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:08where will you? might go and get a new pair of tights. hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:15fancy a stroll in the country? may as well. if you like. don't mind. why not?
01:26:22just as friends. oh I meant just as friends. yeah I did.
01:26:34wish we had a ball.
01:26:37you could play shooting in. you could go in goal.
01:26:48amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:18we'll be even happier with someone else. anyone really.
01:27:33there's millions to choose from.
01:27:35all nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39you'll find someone Jeffrey.
01:27:42you will Beryl.
01:27:44just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:47picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50and you might be curious.
01:27:58belong to the crowd.
01:28:06We love you, we love you, we love you
01:28:28And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:46Love and rainy weather
01:29:48Love and rainy weather
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