- 5 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32organisces
00:01:36CastingWords
00:01:38CastingWords
00:01:39We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, that's standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08He waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:42Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:57About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14All due respect.
00:03:15Excuse me.
00:03:15That's what it's called.
00:03:16He's fine.
00:03:16Come on, I want to go.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:31Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:34Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49but they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight
00:06:21Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:33I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:06No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:10I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six old levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:50Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:20Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:46Oh, Sandra
00:09:04You're as almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:03Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14About time and all
00:11:31Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Peace, man
00:11:33Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied
00:11:40I'll save him for a change
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53Was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have, Don
00:11:56Paid him for a change instead
00:12:12Ticket?
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket
00:12:20We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal, then
00:12:24Well, no
00:12:42Night's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43Snooty old bag
00:12:45Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes
00:12:52With bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady
00:12:55With a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still
00:12:58Who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway
00:13:01They're all the same
00:13:02In the dark
00:13:02Rumour has it
00:13:04Different girl every night
00:13:12It's all the type
00:13:13Probably an omen
00:13:16Seeing her before the match
00:13:17Bet we lose
00:13:193-1
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not
00:13:22Making the first move
00:13:23At least I've got me proud
00:13:25Oh, hello
00:13:26Oh, hi
00:13:29Hi
00:13:30Didn't see you
00:13:31You're going that way?
00:13:35Yeah
00:13:35Not especially, no
00:13:37You're going that?
00:13:40Yeah
00:13:40Well
00:13:41Um
00:13:41No
00:13:42I was
00:13:43I sort of
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any
00:13:58I am
00:13:59See you then
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I
00:14:11All right then
00:14:12Right
00:14:13Super socks
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs
00:14:27The lot of them
00:14:28Good score
00:14:46Losing
00:14:483-1
00:14:49Excuse me
00:15:09Excuse me, I
00:15:18Only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:24Ah
00:15:26Hi
00:15:29Hello, mate
00:15:32Peace man
00:15:34Surprise, surprise
00:15:35Surprise
00:15:36In anywhere controversial
00:15:38Pictures
00:15:38The boyfriend
00:15:39She's slim
00:15:41I'm just going to the
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you
00:15:43Are you and Beryl, um
00:15:48You know
00:15:48You know
00:15:52Oh
00:15:54Would you
00:16:03What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a
00:16:07Fair sort of bird
00:16:10Sorry
00:16:11She's all right
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational
00:16:17Obviously
00:16:17Geoffrey
00:16:18She's a bird
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No thanks, kid
00:16:26Neville's ravenous
00:16:27You've just eaten
00:16:29Oh, of course
00:16:32Oh, of course
00:16:32Yeah, sorry
00:16:32You see
00:16:36What I thought Ken was always
00:16:38Trying to do
00:16:39By implication
00:16:40Probably by implication
00:16:42Was to allow the images
00:16:44To provoke a moral response
00:16:45From our own aesthetic judgment
00:16:47You see
00:16:47Yes
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy
00:16:54He directed it
00:16:56Oh, yes
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol
00:17:01Probably
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way
00:17:17Like a person
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:26Marriage
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:42Hmm
00:17:42No
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days
00:17:54Not marriage
00:17:56No, sex
00:17:58Perse-filth
00:18:00Sex
00:18:04That's what I said
00:18:05Oh
00:18:06Well, I'm not like that
00:18:09Not Perse-filth-motivated
00:18:11No
00:18:12No
00:18:14No
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell
00:18:30Yeah
00:18:30No
00:18:31No
00:18:31No
00:18:31No
00:18:31No
00:18:32No
00:18:36This is it
00:18:39This is it
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date
00:18:54No
00:18:55No
00:18:55Oh
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey
00:19:03Oh
00:19:05Nice house
00:19:14Thank you
00:19:15Twenty-five-year mortgage
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things
00:19:33Either nothing
00:19:35Or something
00:19:37Or everything
00:19:41Well, don't think about Perse-filth at this stage, Beryl
00:19:45You're not
00:19:47No, I'm not
00:19:49Night-night, God bless
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number
00:20:06In case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is
00:20:13The three and the two make five
00:20:14Which is two less than seven
00:20:15Then two fours
00:20:16And half of four, which is two
00:20:18And half of two, which is one
00:20:19Um
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:21No
00:20:22But you can if you do
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one
00:20:29Night
00:20:30I don't want you to
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28German sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:34Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:04Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:52My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promised he's going to take this dream at you film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two's five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:39That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:42About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:56Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobblesbomba.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologized.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologize again.
00:31:17I apologize again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:37I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwichers.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:29No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37There isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09I'm going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Good.
00:36:48Good.
00:36:49Good.
00:36:49Good.
00:36:50Good.
00:36:50Good.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are?
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50What?
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:38:52Daryl?
00:38:53Yeah.
00:38:54I haven't really looked.
00:38:56Seen one, you seen them all.
00:38:58Not quite all.
00:38:59I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:00Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:02Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:04Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:06I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:09They aren't all after me.
00:39:10They aren't all after me.
00:39:11They aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:12Not quite all. I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with my Mo Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:15Please. Don't. Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:34What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:47Let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48Let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I don't know.
00:41:19What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:26No, Stephen.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mm. Mm.
00:41:48Mm.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:53Mm. Mm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:42:02Mm.
00:42:06Mm.
00:42:11Mm.
00:42:15Mm.
00:42:17Mm.
00:42:18Mm.
00:42:19Testing.
00:42:20Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Milleup returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:29I'm fed up.
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:47Who are you?
00:42:49Mm.
00:42:50What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:52Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No?
00:42:55They just mark it.
00:42:57Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:09Well, er, this is your uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do?
00:43:22Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy.
00:43:26Bed.
00:43:27I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:29Jeremy.
00:43:30Little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:39Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15You have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No.
00:44:31No.
00:44:32Um.
00:44:33That's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:35Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:40Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:45In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:52Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5525p?
00:44:5650.
00:44:5750.
00:44:5850.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0050.
00:45:01Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:14i kafia.
00:45:16We've had...
00:45:32Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:35Ay, Veronica!
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past two in the morning?
00:45:40He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks
00:46:28with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have.
00:46:50Only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:06Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:28You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:32Now, what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:36I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:42Like what?
00:47:44Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:52Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00God.
00:48:02No, Dad.
00:48:03Not looking into thebayones.
00:48:04No, Dad.
00:48:05We hope.
00:48:07Keep doing whatever.
00:48:09No.
00:48:11Yeah, no.
00:48:12That's terrifying.
00:48:13I don't want to hurt.
00:48:14I don't want to hurt you, man.
00:48:15See how we can.
00:48:17Yeah.
00:48:18Don't do it.
00:48:19Anyway, the morning Task is perfect.
00:48:20He's holy.
00:48:21About our people.
00:48:22Little Cat is a적 in a place.
00:48:24Have we been to scientist?
00:48:25It's training I can'tiovask,
00:48:26but it's a ellas,
00:48:27which sounds really cool.
00:48:28Charlton for Pope.
00:48:30Long me around. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on?
00:48:34Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:54Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:58Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:18Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:26He'll see other girls.
00:49:28I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:32It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:40It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:00The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:02I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:04I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course.
00:50:08If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:12Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:14Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:18At least I've got my pride.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby. Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:12Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:33You'll laugh.
00:51:34Everybody laughs.
00:51:35It's the story of my life.
00:51:36You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:40She's putting on an axe.
00:51:41What do you care?
00:51:42I don't have a baby.
00:51:43Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:47Probably.
00:51:48Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:49Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:50It is.
00:51:51It is.
00:51:52Working in a bank.
00:51:53Oh.
00:51:54I get into bed.
00:51:55I get into bed with him now.
00:51:59What do you care?
00:52:02I don't have a baby.
00:52:03Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:08Probably.
00:52:11Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16It is.
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:04But I've seen the film.
00:54:06You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:26Yeah.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:40Catching over.
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:58Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:11Feral grass!
00:56:12No, thank you!
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:15No!
00:56:16No!
00:56:18Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Wow, man!
00:56:20Sorry!
00:56:21It's all right.
00:56:22Oh, gee!
00:56:23It's a pleasure.
00:56:24Grass?
00:56:25Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:26Why not?
00:56:27I said don't.
00:56:28You're not to smoke it.
00:56:29Oh, wow.
00:56:30We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:31We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:32Neither of us is boss.
00:56:33It just doesn't arise.
00:56:34We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:35You see, what we believe is...
00:56:36Now!
00:56:37You see...
00:56:38Where are one?
00:56:39I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:42Oh, wow!
00:56:43Oh, wow!
00:56:44We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:45We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:46We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:47Neither of us is boss.
00:56:48It just doesn't arise.
00:56:49We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:51You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:53You see...
00:56:55Where are one?
00:56:56I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51A perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:38Oh, sorry.
00:58:39Do you know...
00:58:40What, Beryl?
00:58:41She can ask me anything.
00:58:44Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:45Oh, sorry.
00:58:46Do you know...
00:58:47What, Beryl?
00:58:48She can ask me anything.
00:58:49Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:50Hmm.
00:58:51He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:52Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:53Usually.
00:58:55Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think they're dry on their own.
00:58:59You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:00She said I shouldn't smoke.
00:59:01Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:03You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:04She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:05Who?
00:59:06She said...
00:59:07Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:10It'll be all right, honest.
00:59:12She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:16Who?
00:59:17She said...
00:59:18Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:48Geoffrey?
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillmslow road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18I'm here.
01:02:18I am.
01:02:43I am.
01:02:43I am.
01:02:44I am.
01:02:45I am.
01:02:46A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:16Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:43Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in,
01:04:16tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Come on.
01:04:21Come on.
01:04:22Come on.
01:04:23Come on.
01:04:24Come on.
01:04:25Come on.
01:04:26Come on.
01:04:27Come on.
01:04:28Come on.
01:04:29Come on.
01:04:30Come on.
01:04:31Come on.
01:04:32Come on.
01:04:33Come on.
01:04:34Come on.
01:04:35Come on.
01:04:36Come on.
01:04:37Come on.
01:04:38Come on.
01:04:39Come on.
01:04:40Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam? Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town. In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:19by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er...
01:07:40Boys are very...
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:14Yes.
01:08:15Yes.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:38The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:41Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:11Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:27I don't think so.
01:09:30Beryl would.
01:09:33Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh.
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:25For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:41No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:47What are you staring at?
01:10:56Hello?
01:10:57You all right, son?
01:10:58Terrific.
01:10:59Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:02Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:09Oh.
01:11:10What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:13Oh.
01:11:15What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:18Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Who?
01:11:21What's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:25All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:47And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:22What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:48The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:52Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:58She's playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:10The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15What?
01:14:16See what I've...
01:14:17See what I've...
01:14:18Go on.
01:14:19No, you.
01:14:20Mine wasn't important.
01:14:21No, mine wasn't.
01:14:22Beryl?
01:14:23Are you...
01:14:24Happy?
01:14:25Of course.
01:14:26Very.
01:14:27Very.
01:14:28I am.
01:14:29No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:31No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:34I kiss a little girl.
01:14:35What do you want?
01:14:36What?
01:14:37It's a little girl.
01:14:38It's a little girl.
01:14:39That's a little girl.
01:14:40No one is every second of every minute.
01:14:41It's a little girl.
01:14:42What?
01:14:43You're happy.
01:14:44Beryl?
01:14:45Are you... happy?
01:14:49Of course. Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No. I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:15Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:21Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:59I don't think so.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:30Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:14You're thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:15I think so.
01:18:16We just don't like each other.
01:18:17At all.
01:18:21At all.
01:18:22At all.
01:18:53At all.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes.
01:19:22A ring.
01:19:23A teething ring?
01:19:24A wedding ring?
01:19:25Of course.
01:19:26Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:32Oh, sorry.
01:19:33What about?
01:19:34Skip it.
01:19:35About time, too.
01:19:36With her sympathy.
01:19:37Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:38I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:39But she doesn't know that.
01:19:40If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:43Yeah.
01:19:44We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:45Of course we do.
01:19:46How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:19:47Ace.
01:19:48How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:19:52Ace.
01:19:53What's going on?
01:19:55Yeah.
01:19:56What are you doing?
01:19:57What are you doing?
01:19:58What's going on?
01:19:59What are you doing?
01:20:00What's going on?
01:20:01What's going on?
01:20:02What's going on?
01:20:03Ace. She used to wear pink, you know. I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from. Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33What's the difference in being inside a day like this?
01:20:37Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:40Yep.
01:20:41The big day. Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch. Crunch.
01:20:47I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't. Truly.
01:21:01Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:11And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24Come out there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely. Thank you.
01:21:40Funny.
01:21:41I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:02It's life.
01:22:03It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nick, somewhere to China, then?
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:08I'm right off it, meself.
01:23:10I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45You'd better bet.
01:23:46And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:23:57I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:23:58Oh, yeah.
01:23:59I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:00Where's she going?
01:24:01Hospital.
01:24:02Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:04Mm-hm.
01:24:11Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:57Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:10There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:40Did I?
01:25:43When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53I forgot.
01:25:55I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:59Where will you go now, then?
01:26:01I don't know.
01:26:03I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:25Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:32I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:02Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51payment opportunities...
01:28:00...may re mind...
01:28:07Break it!
01:28:09Break it!
01:28:11Break it!
01:28:14Break it!
01:28:16Courtney did you better prodded live...
01:28:17And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
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