- 6 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now, instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I'm not surprised.
00:04:26Don't you worry.
00:04:33Love and rainy weather may sound funny but they go together fine.
00:04:39Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Now going twisting tonight then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattinger the evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22Ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels
00:07:29Five
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:46Ah
00:08:46Sandra
00:08:48It is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library no i don't
00:10:18tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip miraculously undo it does not
00:10:27thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the christmas
00:10:40pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career we're just good
00:10:47friends good night
00:10:49miss bardo
00:11:03marry me
00:11:06you know what they say
00:11:10once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:14about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:33did you have a good time this night great this is you satisfied i saved him for a change
00:11:42did you get much did you
00:11:47did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offence
00:11:54not that i have done
00:11:56paid him for a change instead
00:11:59i have been for a change and on my Totally
00:12:18i ain't got me ticket
00:12:20we're late already see you behind Witch
00:12:24Harry!
00:12:26Harry!
00:12:28Harry!
00:12:30Harry!
00:12:32Harry!
00:12:34Harry!
00:12:36Harry!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:48Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:22At least I've got me proud.
00:13:24Oh, hello.
00:13:26Oh, hi.
00:13:28Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:34Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:52I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55Which?
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:20Did you see that?
00:14:21They're all on drugs.
00:14:22The lot of them.
00:14:23Did you see that?
00:14:24They're all on drugs.
00:14:25The lot of them.
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28Cough.
00:14:29Cough.
00:14:30Cough.
00:14:31Cough.
00:14:32Cough.
00:14:33Cough.
00:14:34Cough.
00:14:35Cough.
00:14:36Cough.
00:14:37Cough.
00:14:38Cough.
00:14:41They score.
00:14:42Cough.
00:14:49Cough.
00:14:54They score?
00:14:55Losing.
00:14:56Three-one.
00:15:00They score.
00:15:02Losing.
00:15:03Three-one.
00:15:05Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi!
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:09Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see...
00:16:37What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Getting married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:47Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:30Ken Russell?
00:18:31Yeah.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40I don't've come in.
00:18:41Would it be our first date?
00:18:42No.
00:18:43Oh.
00:18:44Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:46I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Ah.
00:19:13Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:16Twenty-five-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:30Good night.
00:20:59Oh!
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:08Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:23Chips.
00:22:24Chums.
00:22:25Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Goodnight.
00:23:57Morning.
00:23:58Morning.
00:23:59Chalton for Pope.
00:24:00Long may you reign.
00:24:01Amen.
00:24:02What's going on?
00:24:03Pound's up again.
00:24:04Oh, God.
00:24:05Today's special.
00:24:06Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:07Yeah.
00:24:08Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:09Except those.
00:24:10Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:11Hope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:41Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:05There's only one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:12I heard the maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:53Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Mm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:52his stride quietly casual,
00:28:55his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break
00:28:59into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey,
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else
00:29:25when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey, bobbles, bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:35Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:26Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:37I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Good.
00:36:49She's good.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no.
00:38:11That's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37And psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:54Oh, my.
00:38:58Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:03I haven't really looked.
00:39:09You've seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49He used to let me figured me out a little bit too.
00:41:07Yeah.
00:41:08He used to be crazy about me.
00:41:12what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:57testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:27I'm fed up who are you who are you what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do don't my mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell him
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the
00:44:08female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5850
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:03good night uncle Stephen
00:45:13in the morning a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:41good night love
00:45:44good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:55anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:58still there's always another day
00:46:05tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow's another day
00:46:09shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:13where
00:46:15I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:17what wrens?
00:46:19the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:20what wrens?
00:46:21the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:26this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43well we
00:46:44we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:47:16morning previous generation
00:47:18what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Geoffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Geoffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:54and we don't complain
00:47:55no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:13and let me out
00:48:20I can't believe
00:48:22is he
00:48:27Satch alton for Pope
00:48:28on me, Ryan
00:48:29Amen
00:48:30What's going on?
00:48:31pounds down again
00:48:32up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:33you should know
00:48:34or me
00:48:36was good
00:48:37yes
00:48:38man
00:48:39don't want me
00:48:40it's just me
00:48:41You know what I mean?
00:48:43What a night.
00:48:45Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:49Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:55Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:58Who didn't?
00:48:59No, it's true.
00:49:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:03It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:19You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:43Finally splitting up.
00:49:45He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:47Send mine knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:51it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well i'm certainly not making the first move at least i've got me pride
00:50:46i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning
00:50:58every game now oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:04i asked you what was new
00:51:12did you did i say more
00:51:18how's beryl baby getting on jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl baby
00:51:28it isn't like you say that again beryl baby what's your name handsome
00:51:36you'll laugh everybody laughs it's the story of my life you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:48she used to put on an axe what do you care
00:51:56i don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:07jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days well it's very exhausting
00:52:17what is
00:52:19working in a bank
00:52:26i had this bad scene this tip and decided to split
00:52:31this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:44loves a beautiful bag baby so if you want a piece of the action don't cool it
00:52:53big
00:52:53i'm sorry i know understand english
00:53:06gesundheit
00:53:09i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:15and which is her husband neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:50a banana
00:53:52yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:56have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:02no
00:54:03but i've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:08no
00:54:09grab yourself an adage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14are you a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager marks and spencers
00:54:24yes
00:54:25what's that
00:54:28i really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:37this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:43kissing over
00:54:45what's that like
00:54:47this
00:54:49come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville okay
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning brass papers yeah
00:55:15what papers
00:55:17a marriage certificate dog's license whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage and a white wedding
00:55:26really basic you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:35enid when sandra says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself not me of course because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:44but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:48if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51i'm not recourse into anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:56:00you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvin is pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10no excuse me excuse me excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:16oh sorry wow man i'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right oh gee
00:56:21it's pleasure
00:56:23grass
00:56:24jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26i said don't you're not to smoke it
00:56:39we're as liberated as you enid we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:45neither of us is boss just doesn't arise
00:56:48we'll make some coffee
00:56:51you see what we believe
00:56:52now
00:56:56you see
00:56:56i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:05you're doing lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:17right that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up neville sandra wants you i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:41it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43i once thought i'd found her
00:57:51the perfect girl
00:57:54red hair
00:57:55not too skinny
00:57:58very gentle and shy
00:58:01passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04yeah
00:58:06she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:09you're very sweet roland
00:58:12i've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:21it's just i'm a bit tired no it's nice
00:58:23i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:54do you know what beryl she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:04he's upstairs i think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:15usually
00:59:22i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:26she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:31she said
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:38jeffrey
00:59:45sorry
00:59:52jeffrey
00:59:57move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:13call dr wiseberg quillmslow road
01:00:16it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:33this grass wasn't
01:00:36it was the real thing
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:40that you beryl
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see jeffrey
01:01:13that's good
01:01:33do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:37i didn't try at all
01:01:39gave it to rest
01:01:44i'm right off birds
01:01:46i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:02:03good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and i
01:02:47Oh, Burl.
01:03:09Burl.
01:03:15Jeffrey.
01:03:17Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I've got an dandy.
01:04:21I'm with you.
01:04:22I'll never go of my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:26Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madame?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madame.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14Ooh, yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, uh, boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, uh, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:51You all right, son?
01:10:52Terrific.
01:10:53Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:55Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:56Hmm.
01:10:57My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:59Oh.
01:11:00What's your theory?
01:11:01Indigestion.
01:11:02Oh.
01:11:03What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:04Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:06He has said one thing.
01:11:07Oh, what's that?
01:11:08If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:12The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:32deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:38Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy.
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:21the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl.
01:12:39How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:40You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:08It's important.
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10I keep asking you what is.
01:13:12What is?
01:13:13To be on our own.
01:13:16What?
01:13:29So we can talk.
01:13:37What?
01:13:41I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:53and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:00The main thing is... we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you... See, what I think...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:26No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. Don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:44Nothing.
01:15:45If there is...
01:15:46There isn't.
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything.
01:15:49Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38A little king isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:17I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:00St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:03Ace.
01:20:04She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:05I won't tell you where.
01:20:06A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:49You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:44Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now, bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31No.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:27Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Well.
01:24:14We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15Well.
01:24:16We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:47Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17Hi.
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:01I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:43Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
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